Voice of the Nazarene 2-11-24

I'm coming to you from North Central Ohio, we share with you the voice of the Nazarene, a week by week venture into the Word of God sponsored by the Bucyrus, Ohio Church of the Nazarene, we join our Pastor Reverend Ray LaSalle, and the voice of the Nazarene.

To get beautiful Easter lilies that just keeps showing up every year, the daisies that keep popping up those flowers that are lasting and enduring and I want to talk to you about that just for a little while.

Solomon, if you want to turn to the Song of Solomon chapter one, one of the wisest men that ever lived and yet, he had problems in his marriage. And by the way, you're going to have some too.

You don't have to shout right now. He was a songwriter and he had written 1005 songs, and one of the songs that he had written happens to be in the Bible. And it's called the Song of Solomon.

And we get the opportunity to look into it, we get to look at what it says. And here's what Solomon says chapter one, of that book and verse eight, if thou no not, oh thou fairest among women. Go thy way forth by the footsteps of the flock and feed thy kids beside the shepherds tents. I have compared the old my love to accompany of horses, and Pharaoh's chariots.

Got to remind you, the guy down in Kentucky and the other guy said to him, you're from Kentucky, that's the state that he meant to say has beautiful women and fast horses. But he got it backwards. Basically, I'd like to talk to you for a few minutes about how to keep your Valentine for a lifetime. For a lifetime. History tells us a little bit about Valentine's concept. Some believe that if you meet on Valentine's Day, you got the mate for a lifetime, the perfect mate. There's others that believe that if you do the right thing on the 13th, the 14th will be the day you'll meet your mate. And on the 13th you got to eat five hard boiled eggs. I'm not making all this up part of its true. And you've got to pin leaves to your pillow and you sleep on that pillow with leaves pinned to it. And I'd be thinking about the pins the whole time. And eat five hard boiled eggs and you'll meet the right mate the next day on Valentine's Day. Now I don't know anything about that. But I do know that God wants you to keep your Valentine for a life time. You want to know the will of God I think I can tell you the will of God. If you're wondering what God's will is for your life and you wonder who the right person is it's the one that you're married to right now. It's him, it's her you better invest in them, better treat them good because if you go after another one, they're gonna have bad breath too. And their teeth will get yellow and their hair will change colors.

Will you love me when my hair turns white? The guy said yes, we've gone through four other colors why not try white? Now here's the story. Here's about a man by the name of Solomon, wealthiest man on the face of God's green earth, brilliant.

And it's about his relationship between he and his first marriage. We don't even know her name. Yet he's writing about her and it became a part of divine writ. We know that she's from Shulama and that was the northern part of Israel. We know that she's referred to as the Shulamite and so it's a conversation going on between Solomon and his bride, his wife the Shulamite. Conversation.

Boy, communication is an important thing innit? Or you lost yours. Right there you say amen and you missed it. I went to the doctor the other day and a woman showed up came into the room. And she starts down the list of things said, I don't show any record of you having a colostomy. What do you call it?

What's the word? What?

Colonoscopy You can't even say, Amen, how would you handle a big word like that? I said, you don't have any record of it? She said, No, you're supposed to have that at 40 years of age. I said, Man, I missed it. I missed my golden opportunity. Thank goodness. I don't know how that got in the message. Let me check here it might have been in the notes. Subliminal comprehension here. I'm just reading stuff that's not there. But there's this thing called communication.

Did you know that this story parallels Christ and His bride, the Church? That's not my message, because it's near Valentine's Day. And so I'm going to stick with the passage.

But what we've got today, is this conversation going on between the the bride and Solomon? This thing of communication. Did you know that in the Old Testament, when a man got married, he had to take off, he could not even serve in the army for at least a year?

Because it was a learning time for him to learn how to communicate and for her to learn how to communicate with him.

They would communicate together, and they learn the process of communicating, I hope you've learned a little bit of that.

It's not called the silent treatment either. And may I say you've got to learn how to listen to what's being said. I would just make a little suggestion. Only because I've been around the block a couple times. It might pay you to listen to what's not being said.

Sometimes what's not said is a whole lot louder than what's being said. We're going down the road and we're traveling. And she says to me, do you need the restroom? No. I pass the rest stop and then it dawns on me had nothing to do with me. She says, Are you thirsty? No, I don't need anything. And I pass all of the restaurants. And there's not any for the next 100 miles and it dawns on me she was thirsty.

You need to listen to what's being said, and you need to listen to what's not being said.

Don't be like the old farmer. He went to the attorney and he said I need a divorce. And the lawyer said, Well, have you got any grounds? He said I got 100 acres. No, no he said that's not what I meant. What I'm trying to say to you, do you have a grudge? He said, Yeah, we parked the tractor and in the grudge.

No, he said you're not getting it. Does it get physical? Do you beat her up? No. He said she always gets up before I do. It's kind of what's being said, listen, and to what's not being said. And this is what I've learned 80% of marriage problems are communication problems.

Marital therapist tells us that 90% of marriage counseling is trying to restore communication.

And some marriages never get off to communicating. And it's so important. Here's what's interesting. A couple who are married will spend one hour a week communicating. Whereas a couple that's having an affair will spend 10 hours a week communicating with each other.

So it's important that we learn how to communicate. I was reading this week about a guy that was 100 years old, still walking, driving. And he had been married for 75 years. They congratulate him and they said, How'd you make marriage lasts for 75 years? He said we made a pact together when we got married, that if either one of us was wrong, whichever one was wrong, we'd have to go outside and take a walk. They said how did that go? He said I took a walk every day for 75 years.

That's why I'm so healthy at 100. You say Pastor, what can we learn from Solomon and his Shulamite bride? It's pretty simple. Listen, everything that I want to share with you husbands. I'm sharing with you wives also. And anything I'd say to you wives to do I'm saying to the husbands you need to do. And rarely in these years and situations and I don't do a lot of counseling I cancel, not counsel. I don't know if you can tell pronounciation difference there. Most of the time when people come, I've never yet found where it was 100% one sided.

Generally, there's a little bit of problem over here on that one and there's a little problem over here with that one, and somewhere in the middle, we try to meet. But here's what Solomon teaches us. It's scripture. And Solomon is teaching us first of all, be personal with the love.

Now, John Maxwell. He's written a lot of books, and one of his books is about principles and the 30 second principle. He said, When you meet someone, you encounter someone, look in the first 30 seconds of something that you can compliment them about. And you know what I have found folk? Everybody responds, grazes and praises. Mary Kay Ash said, all of us wear a necklace around our neck. That says, make me feel good about myself.

Nobody wants to put down. Nobody wants to embarrassed, nobody wants hurt. Everybody would like just to feel good about themselves once in a great while in life, so be personal with praise. And Solomon did that.

Let me tell you how he did it, first of all, tell her that she's loved. Look at verse nine.

It says, I have compared the oh my love. He called her my love.

You say, Well, Pastor, that's really nice of him. No, you didn't get it. You missed it.

Read it again. Nine times in the book of the Song of Solomon.

Nine times he said, My love, my love, my love. Here's something to bless you. God is always saying over and over to us I love you. I love you. I love you and I love you. You say well, I messed up, but God loves you. I blown a lot of things in my life. I'm ashamed. But God is saying, I love you. That's good news friend. And I know what Solomon said, he said, My Love.

Now let me tell you something, that's a good thing to do. I don't care how you do it. But it's good to say once in a while I love you. People are dying to hear from somebody they care about those words, I love you.

Well, I said it when I got married, I'm a man of my word.

Forget it, you're not going to make it. I love you. As a wife saying to her husband, I believe in you. I want you to know I understand. Ephesians 5:33, Understand the greatest deed in your life is to be respected and to be honored and admired. And I admire you and I think you're the greatest man on God's green earth. She wants to hear that she's the prettiest woman in the world. It doesn't matter of she's aged a little she'd like to hear that she's pretty. She'd like to know that she has your attention and you're not looking over every other horse going down the road. Are you listening to me? She wants to know that you think she's the best. That's why she spent so long trying to put paint on the old barn. She wants your attention, trying to get the hubcaps looking good.

Ephesians 5:33

And this, that and the other.

She wants to know that you care about her. Good preaching, you missed it. We ought to be doing that. And by the way, all of us, including this old boy appear on the platform we need to improve in this thing of communicating the fact that we love our spouse. We ought to be doing it?

I don't care how you do it, but some way somehow say I love you whether it's just reaching over and catching a hold of her hand going down the highway in the car. Whether it's writing a note, just putting a note in the refrigerator. It's cold in here, but my hearts warm for you. Make up something nothing else working here. So I'm throwing in this. Do you know what Solomon said? He said I've compared thy to a company of horses in Pharaoh's chariots. I found out over here in First Kings chapter 10 that Pharaoh owned 1400 chariots and that he had 12,000 horses but his favorite one was the one out in the lead that he called the Boss Mare. It was the one that was at the front of the pack. It was the one that led the way. You know what I think?

1 Kings 10 · chapter mention

I think if you'll treat your wife like the thoroughbred that she is, she'll never become an old hag. And I think if you'll treat your husband a little bit special, it'll pay off in great dividends, especially on Valentine's Day. Not only tell her that she's loved, I'm glad God tells us that. But tell her that she's lovely. She's lovely.

Don't let her hear you say to somebody else you look nice in that dress. You tell her she looks nice in her clothes. She looks lovely. Clothes are important. What we wear is important. I didn't know this, I read it the other day that when a woman wears a leather dress and a man sees her, his heartbeat increases in rate. He gets thirsty in his throat. His knees get weak. He becomes irrational in his thinking. Do you know why, do you ever wonder? Because he thinks he smells a new truck.

Thank you for that one, Keith. I appreciate it. So he says in verse nine I've compared the old my love to accompany of horses in Pharaoh's chariots. The cheeks are communally with the rolls of jewels, the neck with chains of gold. And you need to understand what he's saying that that Boss Mare mayor of Pharaoh, they literally in the bridle put all kinds of little jewelry all the way back through and decorated that leather with jewelry. The mane would be braided together with feathers and other special things and pieces of gold. And what it's simply saying, you're my boss mare. You're special to me. It's kind of like saying to your wife, jewelry don't make you, you make the jewelry. You look better than the dress. That dress never looked like anything till you got in it. And it doesn't hurt for you to say once in a while you look handsome yourself. I'm simply saying the scripture says to be personal with praise. What I'm saying this world was created with words. God spoke the world into existence. God said. And you and I came about by the word of God.

And what I'm also trying to say that words will create your world. Words will create your life. Don't tell me that words don't matter. Never underestimate the power of words. Death and life is in the power of words. That crazy old colloquialism sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never harm me. That's bologny.

Words matter. Words can affect you for the rest of your life.

Words can hurt. Words can harm.

Words can damage, words can lower your or raise you up. And I'm trying to say here for a few moments that it matters. Words matter. And it especially matters to the one that you're married to. It matters. So brag on him and brag on her, be personal with your words. But let's move on to something else while you're all shouting happy.

Go public with praise. Could you elaborate? I suppose if you want me to. In front of others brag on your spouse. I know you think it's humor, but don't put them down in front of others. Because really, it's not funny. Build them up, brag on them. And you can even brag on them publicly behind their back because it always comes around and gets back to them. If you don't believe it, brag to your mother in law about her or about him. It'll get back to them. And if you look, you say well, pastor, that's powerful but where did you get it? I got it right out of the Bible. Look what verse 11 says, Solomon said we and he's talking about he was bragging on her and the daughters of Jerusalem heard. Go public with praise.

Now pride is wrong. And we know that if I have pride in me that God isn't pleased with pride, but if I'm proud of you, that's not wrong. So brag on one another, build up one another.

Winston Churchill, one of my favorite characters out of history. Winston Churchill he was asked in a forum, He said, If you died and were to come back, who would you want to come back as? He said, Clemmy his wife's name was Clementine. He loved her so much that if he had to come back, he'd just rather be her than anybody else. No wonder she had a smile. That'll put a smile on any wife's face.

So be personal with praise, go public with praise. And thirdly, may I say be persistent with praise. You say well pastor I'm a man, and I'm not getting into this little sermonette of yours very much. I know that. I understand that. This makes 31 years me trying to preach about Valentine's Day. Aren't you glad it's only one day a year? What I'm gonna do, I'm just gonna let the Scripture speak for themselves. I want you to look at verse 12. And verse 13, could you throw it up on the screen?

And I'll let you read it for yourself. That's all I'm going to say. Being personal with praise, going public with praise, being persistent with praise. And guess what? It worked for Solomon, he found out it was a pretty good thing.

Being personal with praise, going public with praise and being persistent with praise. It worked for him. So I'm just letting the Word of God, the Word of God speak for itself.

And then let me give you two words and I'm done. This is the highlight of the sermon, I'm almost done. Just two words. We need to be persistent. First of all with sweet words. One writer said what sets marriage couples apart from strangers is married couples are not quite or they're less polite to one another than strangers are.

What sets married couples apart from strangers is they're less polite to one another. And we brag on everybody else, and we never brag on the one that lives with us.

You don't need to drop your head. I'll let you know when his prayer time. We look at everybody else and we don't want to look at our own spouse sometimes. We say good things about others, but not nearly as polite or own. And proverbs

24 Pleasant words are as a honeycomb to the soul and health to the bone, sweet words. And here's my second word. Soft words. What do you mean by soft?

Well, sometimes in marriage, you're going to have intense fellowship. You know what I mean by that? Hello, you home.

Intense fellowship. In other words, we get real intense with one another. We have disagreements. You say Well, Pastor one thing I'll never let my kid see any of our disagreements. Well, I don't even know if it's wrong for your kids to see you disagree. But what they do need to know mommy and daddy will always be together, you're not walking off. You may have a disagreement, but you're not leaving. Fact of the matter, if they never seen any disagreeing and they get married, how disillusioned are they going to be when they have their first argument? Because you hid it behind bedroom doors. Pastor if we have disagreements how do we resolve them? Soft words. Soft

1, A soft answer turneth away wrath. What will turn away wrath? Soft word.

Well, I'm a screamer. That's not the right answer. I'm a steamer.

That's not the right answer. I'm a skeemer. Still not the right answer. A soft word turneth away wrath. It was spring break an old Georgia boy was down in Florida. And he saw some attractive young coeds and and they looked like they were from Ivy League schools. And he said to them said, What school do you go to? They said Yale. He said what school do you go to? I'm trying to say yelling doesn't solve anything. It's a soft word. A soft word. You know, we need to fix the problem and not fix the blame. We need to attack the problem and not each other.

You see hot heads and cold hearts never solved anything.

Somebody said we need to stroke instead of poke We need to brag instead of nag. We need to cheer instead of jeer. Words will change your relationships. Words will change your life. On this Sunday, at this time of the year, can we make a commitment one to another to be kind till he comes, kind one to another.

All of us, every one of us sign up on the dotted line, I'm going to be kinder. I'm going to be encouraging, exhort one another daily, the Scripture says, Well, I don't go to church daily. I know that but you live at home daily. So start doing it there.

Here's the way it actually it says, till I come give attention to reading, to exhortation, to doctrine till I come, till I come and courage one another till I come, lift up one another, till I come, brag on one another till I come. Lady had died it was at the funeral home, a young pastor went he was new to all the various aspects of pastoring. It was awkward for him. The husband didn't show up at church hardly ever. But she was a little saint and came to the church. And the husband slipped over to that young pastor and whispered to him, would you stay around till everybody's gone? I'd like to talk to you for a moment. And soon all the crowd and dissipated, it was just the man and the young pastor. The man walked over to that young preacher and he broke down and began to sob and he confessed, he said, I've not been a good husband. Fact of the matter I've been very harsh to her. I've been unkind. I gave her a lot of silent treatment. There was words she wanted to hear that I would never say. He said, Pastor, he was weeping, He said, Could we walk up to the casket and preacher if I were to tell her I'm sorry and tell her the words that she wanted to hear, I love you, Do you think she would hear? The young pastor wasn't sure just how to handle it. But here's what he said, sir, I don't know but it's sure worth a try. I don't know but it's sure worth the try. Don't give your flowers when they're gone. Let's give her flowers to them now. Do you love your kids, anybody love their kids? The best thing you can do if you love the kids is to love their mother. And Mama, If you love your kids, the best thing you can do is to love your husband. God's called us to love one another. And God sent me along this morning just to remind you keep your Valentine for a lifetime. Make them perennial. They'll keep showing up with a beautiful smile.

Thanks for being a part of the voice of the Nazarene. Visit us every Sunday at 9am with BNC's Pastor Ray LaSalle. For more information regarding BNC visit Bucyrus nazarene.org.