Triggered: People - Pastor Clayton Tyner

Welcome to the MetaCurch Podcast.

My name's Clayton.

I'm the pastor here at MetaCurch.

And my hope is that today's podcast finds you at the perfect time in your life that God uses it to inspire and enlighten you.

I hope that you enjoy today's message.

Alright, MetaCurch, how you guys doing?

Yeah.

So good to see you guys here for week four of our triggered series.

If you're new with us, my name's Clayton.

I'm the lead pastor here.

We're so glad that you guys have joined us.

We are in this series talking about how we can make real, deep, meaningful, and here's the key long-lasting life change.

We get to the beginning of a year and we remind ourselves all over again about how bad we are at affecting change in our life.

We review our past year, we look at 2019, what we want to change, we set some resolutions in place, and statistically, by 21 days into the year, we have already turned our back on the things we were so motivated to do.

And so we're looking in the Word of God for some really amazing, amazing uh just structures and processes we can put in our life.

And where we started in week one was realizing that we might be starting with the wrong question.

The question is not what do I want to change?

And that's a question about our behaviors.

What we do at the beginning of the year, we look at a resolution and we see what do we want to shift or alter or add or delete from our lives, and this is about trying to affect change from the outside in.

The question is not what do I want to change, the question we should be asking is who do I want to become?

This is a deeper question.

One is about behavior, this is about identity.

And what we saw is that if we can affect change from the inside out, it can be real and long-lasting.

This is about getting a picture of what we can see of our life.

Who did God actually create us to be?

What purpose has He placed inside of us?

What would it look like for us to be living a meaningful, significant life, a life of impact?

And once we can see it, once we get the picture, we can start the process.

And in week two, we started talking about the process.

And if we're gonna understand our behavior, we have to understand our habits.

Now, I am certainly no scientist, I'm not a doctor, uh, but I have read a lot about behavioral science and the science behind habits over the years.

And uh the two best books by far that I've ever read on the subject are The Power of Habit by Charles Dohig.

I read this about five years ago, and then last year I read a book by James Clear called Atomic Habits.

We're gonna put links to this on all of our social media sites, both of these books.

Um, but man, the research is really stunning.

And what they show is that up to 50% of our life happens below our level of awareness.

This is the subconscious aspect of our life, and really that is the level of our habits.

50% of who we are.

Now, the other half of our life is influenced, impacted, and sometimes even driven by those very habits that are happening below our level of awareness.

And so we find ourselves in these unhealthy patterns, in these vicious cycles, and we want so desperately to break free of them, but we don't actually understand how.

And so, if we can understand how habits work, we can change our habits.

And if you can change your habits, 50% of who you are, you can really see change in your life.

And so both of these books describe something called the habit cycle.

And this is a way that behavioral researchers and scientists have made a simple template to help us understand how our habits actually function.

And they all start with what we call a cue.

Now, cues are all around us all of the time.

And a cue triggers a craving in our mind.

So when you are on an empty stomach and your stomach rumbles, right?

That is a cue.

It's like, bro, feed me.

You know what I'm saying?

Like that is creating a craving in your mind.

And when a craving is triggered, your mind will stop at almost nothing to satisfy that craving.

The cue, if it works, moves us into a routine.

The cue is the vibration of your phone.

The routine is getting it out and looking at it.

That there's a craving that happens to not be left out.

We're all living with FOMO, the fear of missing out.

We feel that vibration, we hear that ding.

We cannot help but look at it.

The routine is just the habit, it's the actual behavior, it's the thing that you're wanting to change.

The cue triggers a craving, which leads to routine.

And the routine, if it's right, leads to reward.

Stomach rumbles, cue, you eat, that's the routine, and the reward is you're full.

You're no longer hungry.

And the reward satisfies the craving, and when it does that, it closes the loop.

And once the loop is closed, it's very, very difficult to get out of.

We've been applying this to different aspects of our life.

We're gonna continue doing that today in a sermon that I've written for us today called Fear Pressure.

Would you guys pray with me, please?

God, we love you.

And we're so thankful, God.

We're thankful for the ability to meet together as your people, your church, your movement.

We're thankful for Jesus.

That he traded his life for ours, demonstrated your love for us.

And God, we're in this series because we really do believe that you've created all of us with a purpose, that it matters that we're alive.

And we're wanting to do our best to live out that purpose, to get the picture of who you've created us to be and to move closer and closer to that.

We love you, and we pray all these things in Jesus' name.

And everyone said together, Amen.

So we have been really dissecting our triggers, this stimulus all around us that goes in and creates these cravings.

And if you were here last week, we talked about two of the three primary triggers in our life.

We talked about time and place.

And here's what we're doing in these weeks: we are becoming investigators into the triggers in our life.

The cue that creates the trigger, that is the entryway into these habit cycles.

And if you have habits in your life like I do, that maybe you're trying to amend or get rid of or do without or add some habits into your life, we have to understand where they start.

Time and place are so, so powerful.

We read the story of King David, a hero of the Bible, a guy who's called a man after God's own heart.

And he put himself at the wrong place at the wrong time, and it led to lust, which led to adultery, which led to manipulation, which ultimately led to murder.

Time and place are so, so powerful.

And today we're going to talk about the third of the primary triggers in our life.

And this one, if you can believe it, actually has the ability to be even more powerful than the ones we looked at last week.

Today, we're gonna talk about the trigger of people.

Now, we're all familiar with peer pressure, and this is something we've grown up with, right?

And maybe you can remember as a young kid when clicks first started forming.

You know, at some point you're kind of innocent.

Like I love going when when, you know, my daughter's in first grade last year in kindergarten.

It's like, man, everybody's just kind of on the same level, you know.

They're all goofy, they all hang out, they just swap friends.

Anyone can be in any group.

Eventually, people start sectioning off, and you have the the have and the have nots.

You've got the cool kids.

And I go to lunch sometimes with the elementary kids, Paxton and Kimberly, and it's like, man, a sign seating, you know.

We didn't have that.

I would have loved a sign seating because we had tables, right?

You tried to work your way up the table.

There was like the cool kids table, and then there was like the nerds, and then there was like, you know, it's like all these different groups that you get segmented in and you want so badly to try to socially progress.

There's a lot of pressure around it, and we call it peer pressure.

And maybe you can even remember, you know, before we all have these like layers of just being jaded and burnt out by the world, where we would have sympathy and empathy for people who were left out, where we would feel for the people who were ostracized in our class as kids.

And maybe you even remember having a desire to reach out, to include them.

And the chances are you did not.

And why is that?

It's the pressure.

And so, what do we do?

We do what we do with all of our habits.

We point at the routine, we call it peer pressure.

It's about the people, but we're learning more.

We're going deeper in this series, and we know it's not about just the person, that the person has created a trigger in our life, that it's creating cravings even in our young minds.

It goes beyond just the fact that it's your peers, it's deeper, it's it's rooted in fear.

And it's the fear of rejection, and the fear of not being accepted, and the fear of not being seen as having social status, and the fear of not being loved, and the fear of not being enough.

And all of a sudden, the people around you at such a young age have this incredible power over you.

And you get older and the scenarios change, but the pressure stays the same.

The fear stays the same.

And, you know, like when most of us in the room were growing up, um, you know, our our uh our first exposure uh to some of the things of the world came when someone found like a dirty magazine at the back of their dad's closet, you know, and it was like hard, like we had to really work for it, and now you don't anymore.

And so this isn't about the sermon, like I'm not preaching on this, but if you're a parent in the room, I'm gonna say something that's gonna really help you and really piss off all the teenagers all at the same time.

Let me just remind you that your kid does not have a right to privacy on the cell phone that you are paying for.

And even if they're paying for it and they're living in your house, that's your phone.

And you need to know what's going on because they have everything in the world on their pocket.

That phone needs to be locked down, it doesn't need to go in their room.

Listen, no, you know what?

I'm gonna preach a different sermon real quick.

It needs to stay outside where you can see it.

You need to check it every day because the world is coming at your kids faster than your kids can prepare for it.

And we didn't have that.

We had to hide the Playboy in the woods behind the house, you know what I'm saying?

Like we had to do a little bit of work for it.

That's not the case anymore.

And so back in the day, you kids are on this blowing your mind, but like someone would have to sneak it in, you know what I'm saying?

It was like a lock and key, and then you get to recess and you form a tight huddle, right?

So nobody could see it.

And then it was like pressure.

And it's like, I know I shouldn't look at this.

I know I shouldn't look at this.

You're curious, but you're like, man, I just but you do, and why do you do it?

Because it's pressure.

It's fear, it's fear pressure.

It's like, man, I I gotta be one of the guys, I gotta I gotta be one of the girls, you know.

Like, I can't stand out like that.

What will they think of me?

And and then you grow up, you know what I'm saying, and you get a little bit older and and you're at a house, and you know, everyone's like passing around beer, you know, it's like, okay, here we go.

And and you know, if I don't know if they do this anymore, but like the dare officer, you know, would come to our school and convince you that if you took a drink of beer, you would drop over dead.

You know, you're you're like, I don't want to die, but I think I would rather die than not be cool.

And so you drink it, you know?

It's like this pressure is incredible, and then you progress a little bit, and then it's a joint, and then you progress a little bit, and then it's cocaine, and then you progress a little bit, and then it gets harder, and then you get older, and then it's and then it's affairs, and then it's like it's like it just goes on and on and on.

The scenario changes, but the pressure is the same, and it comes from the people who are around you.

And the people in your life have influence over your life in ways that if you're unaware, will make it very difficult for you to live the significant life that God has created you to live.

Now, I was preparing for this message, and I was really struggling to communicate the point I'm trying to make today.

And I could do it, but I had to draw it.

And that kind of put me in an awkward spot because um y'all may not know this, but I'm just I'm like really good at drawing, like really good.

And so I didn't, I still want to make anybody feel bad about their own art skills, you know what I'm saying?

Like, I don't really know how to say this without sounding like I'm bragging, but like I did a paint by number the other day, I got all the numbers, you know what I'm saying?

No, that's not real.

What's real is I cannot draw worth anything, and uh, my handwriting's terrible.

I'm not gonna put any words up here because it wouldn't matter because you wouldn't be able to read them.

And sometimes on staff, I'll do like these little leadership development things.

I on Wednesday, I was gonna teach this concept for our staff, and so they came in, I had this board and everything, and I had drawn this ship, right?

This big, like really regal ship, and it was like really obvious.

And they came in, I don't know what they thought we were playing freaking Pictionary, I don't know what that was.

Everyone started guessing what it was.

They guessed everything in the world but a ship, you know?

It's like it's not gonna be the best.

And so um what what really what really made it hard for me to decide was pressure.

Stand in front of my peers and embarrass myself.

And yet, it's not gonna be good, but I hope it's gonna be effective.

And to do significant things in our life, we have to figure out how to get past the pressure of our peers.

We have to have a way to understand it.

And there's a recent study that said the average American has nine close friends.

Nine close friends.

And so I'm gonna be illustrating some of this.

And uh first, um, I'm I wanna draw you.

And let me just say this: you're looking good today.

There you are.

Nice broad shoulders, all the way down to the six-pack.

Look at that.

And the study surveyed across millions of people, had them really think through their what they would consider close friends, they had nine.

I'm not gonna draw nine people, um, it's gonna take up too much room.

I'm gonna draw three, and if that trips you out, just multiply each of these by three, you'll get nine, you'll be fine.

And if you're like me, because we we have every personality imaginable in the room, if you're like me, you're socially very introverted.

And nine close friends sounds like a million close friends.

Like, I might have four people I really spend time with, and that feels like a lot to manage for me.

And some of you are on the other end of the spectrum, and you're socially so extroverted, and you're realizing right now in this room there are people with only nine friends.

Like, what is wrong with those?

So those are the extremes.

This is this is an average.

And it kind of reminded me of like Facebook back in the day.

Like, your top nine, you know, and some people had a top 18, and some people had a top three.

But these are the people who are close friends of yours, and studies show that your top nine, whatever that looks like for you, the influence they have on your life is amazing.

That there was um one dietary study that followed thousands of people across decades, and what they found is that in this circle of close friends, that if one of your close friends, it doesn't need to be all nine, just one of them, over time ends up clinically obese, that your odds of also becoming obese go up 57%.

Just one of them.

They compare that with if someone has a spouse that's clinically obese.

And you would think, man, that's gotta be 90%.

I mean, you eat your meals together, you spend your time together, you pattern your life off of each other, you share a bed together.

The spouse only accounted for a 37% increase.

And there are times that our close friends are even more influential than our family.

And everyone who's married knows that.

Because uh every spouse, if you've been married long enough, has suggested something to their spouse, like, hey man, I really think you would look good in this.

You know, I really have you thought about buying this?

I really think and they're like, ah, you know, not really my style.

Ah, I don't think I could spend the money on that.

And then like a year later, they walk in with the thing you told them that they should get, and you're like, where did that come from?

Oh man, Jennifer told me I should check this out.

What?

I told you a year ago, but but Jennifer's opinion, you know, was the was the straw that that turned, and so it's like we have this power.

Other studies have shown direct correlation to your top nine, whether or not you smoke.

If the majority of your close friends smoke, it's a great chance you do.

Whether or not you actively work out.

If less than half of your top nine does not work out, there's a good chance you do not work out.

If you drink, how much you drink, where you drink, when you drink?

It's all correlated.

There was another study done, it was a study done by economists, and they wanted to try and figure out the largest factor in people making big purchases, like houses, cars, boats, RVs, big dollar purchases, things you have to finance.

And man, they were digging into everything.

And there's a lot that goes into marketing, branding, advertisement.

Now they're targeting advertisements to you based on what you're looking at on all your different apps, and all of a sudden it's landing on your social media feed.

And it's like, man, all I was doing was just, you know, talking about Crown Apple the other day.

All of a sudden, it's like right here in my feed.

Man, all I did was like mention a BoFlex the other day.

And it's like, push this button, buy a BoFlex.

It's like, man, they're targeting it toward me.

Billions of dollars in branding and marketing and advertising and targeting.

They're getting celebrities, they're paying them millions of dollars, social media influencers, millions of dollars wearing things, buying things, going places just to make you feel like if you don't go there, you don't really matter.

Billions of dollars.

And none of them hold a candle to the influence of your circle of friends.

In fact, as soon as someone in your circle makes a large purchase, the chances of you making a similar purchase go up exponentially.

And this isn't hard to figure out.

If you think about the last big purchase you made, car, house, boat, RV, if you really think about it, there's an overwhelming chance that someone in your top nine bought something similar within that calendar year.

The influence is overwhelming.

And if we're not aware of it, then we will become by default the average of the sum total of the people that we have surrounded ourselves with.

And there's a tension inherent in being a part of the movement of Jesus and managing the people in our circle.

Because on one hand, we are called to be the hands and feet of Jesus to this world and to be with people who do not believe like we believe, think like we think, act like we act.

And on the other hand, the Bible seems to constantly be warning us to not be led into temptation by people who don't believe like us, think like us, or act like us.

It almost feels like a contradiction.

And if we really want to get to the life we've been picturing, the life of purpose God has for us, we have to understand how to manage that tension.

We see it in the writing of the Apostle Paul.

He was writing a letter to a church he had started in a city called Corinth, and in the New Testament book of 1 Corinthians, chapter 15, he says this do not be deceived.

1 Corinthians 15 · chapter mention

Bad company corrupts good morals.

Isn't this what like every single parent teaches their kid?

Be careful who you hang out with.

Bad company corrupts good morals.

And another way to say this is the company you keep determines the direction you go.

The company you keep determines the direction that you go.

And this is one side of the tension.

Don't be led astray.

Because if you're hanging out with people who are still stuck in cycles that God has already freed you from, they might pull you back in.

It's a very dangerous thing, and so there's been a tendency in the church to look at this side of the tension.

Bad company corrupts good morals.

And it becomes very tempting to get out your life's red marker because all of us have some bad company.

And it can be real easy to just start removing some people from your life.

And it's like, listen, I mean, she's a great girl, you know?

I mean, gosh, I love her, I've known her forever.

If I'm honest, bad company, you know.

I mean, she's just she's behind, you know.

I mean, the things she's still doing, the way she's making decisions, the way she views the world, I mean, I mean, she she's like, she hates Jesus.

I mean, she doesn't think anything about that.

She thinks I'm crazy for going to church, like, maybe we'll just I mean, he's a great guy, he was my college roommate, you know, but and this dude's getting hammered every night, you know.

I mean, he's he's picking up different chicks every night.

Like, I can't be falling back into that life.

I mean, and it's so tempting, it's like, well, we'll just remove it.

And maybe some of you grew up in churches and they just focus on this side of the tension.

And I've been at too many conferences with too many pastors who will say unapologetically, the church.

And they don't mean like the church, like what it actually means, which is a movement of people.

They're talking about a building and a service and an organization.

They say the church is for saints, not for sinners.

Which is a very awkward statement for me, because I'm like, bro, that means you gotta go.

You know that, right?

Like, I get you're the pastor, but we've all got our stuff.

Saints, not sinners.

And it's not like they're it's not like they've got a bouncer at the door, you know, escorting all the tattooed people out.

You know what I'm saying?

They just they create a culture, unwritten rules, structures, to where the people who don't believe like they believe and think like they think and act like they act would never feel comfortable coming and sitting in the seats.

And yet there's more.

And when we look at the whole of scripture, we see that there's attention to manage.

You see, in the same letter to the city in Corinth, a crazy city.

Corinth was kind of like Vegas.

A prostitution ran over.

Rampant, there were all kinds of debauchery and problems.

It was wild in Corinth.

And they started this church, right?

And it's like, man, people are starting to believe in Jesus.

And it's like, what happens in Corinth doesn't stay in Corinth.

We're still reading about it today.

And so these people are believing, and they're still in the city, and they're surrounded by their family and their friends.

All of these people who are in their circle, they don't believe like they believe or act like they act, and what are they gonna do?

And so in the same letter, we call it 1 Corinthians.

It was just a letter Paul wrote.

You might not know this, but when the Bible was written, there was no chapters.

Did you know this?

There was no chapters, there was no verses.

These were letters, handwritten letters.

I mean, you don't type an email and like chapter one.

You know, like that's not that's not how we communicate.

This is the same letter with the same idea and the same vision.

And Paul says this to the Jews, I became like a Jew to win Jews.

It's a weird thing for Paul to say, it's like Paul, what do you mean you became like a Jew?

You are Jewish, like you are the Jew of all Jews.

Like, he goes, No, no, no, you don't understand.

When I'm with the Jews, I become like the Jews.

Those who are under the law, I become like one under the law.

Don't get it twisted.

I'm not actually under the law, but I'll do it to win those under the law.

In verse 21, to those who are without the law, I become like one without the law.

And and and and don't get confused.

I'm not without God's law, I'm under the law of Christ, but I become like I'm without it to win those who are without the law.

And this was the major controversy in the early church.

It was the Jews, God's chosen people of the Old Testament, who were living under the Old Testament law versus the Gentiles, the non-Jews.

They saw him as savages.

They were the sinners, and they weren't real excited about letting them into this new movement.

They don't live under the law.

They don't believe like we believe or act like we act.

And Paul says, when I'm with the Jews, I'll be like a Jew.

Strict dietary laws, no pork, that's fine.

Observe the Sabbath, that's fine.

I'll do that.

I'll do whatever I've got to do to get to tell you about Jesus.

And when I'm with the Gentiles, those who aren't under the law.

They want to discuss Jesus over some pulled pork tacos, I'm in.

I will do whatever it takes.

In verse 22, he says, To the weak I became weak in order to win those who are weak.

And you have some people in your circle who have some areas of weakness.

And there are some people in your life who are struggling.

And when we only look at this side of the tension, bad company corrupts good morals, gotta keep get them away, X them out, get them out of your life, get them out of the church, get them away, and we turn our back on the very people that God has put us here to reach.

You got people in your life who are addicted.

Paul says, I'll become weak.

I'm not gonna join you in your addiction because here's the other problem.

Well, we can't forget this side of the tension.

There's a very real chance that people struggling in sin you used to struggle with can lead you right back into it.

It's a tension to manage, and then Paul says one of the most beautiful things in all scripture.

He says, I have become all things to all people, so that I may by every possible means save some.

There's a tension, it's both.

We have to be careful, but we got to be on mission.

All things to all people, and realizing that if we give influence to the wrong people, they will corrupt what God is wanting to do inside of us.

We have to manage the tension.

But how?

The writer to the Hebrews was writing to some people who had believed in Jesus and they had been following Jesus for some time, and the writer was really frustrated by their lack of progress.

He said, We have a great deal to say about this.

It's difficult to explain because you've become too lazy to understand.

Although by this time, you ought to be teachers, you need someone to teach you even the basic principles of God.

You need milk when you should already be eating solid food.

It says, Everyone who lives on milk is inexperienced with the message of righteousness because they are an infant.

But solid food is for the mature.

In this series, we've been trying to get a picture of who we are becoming, of the life that God created us to live, to walk through the process of actually living that life, to get on the path to our purpose, and you were created not to stay in your infancy, not to stay right where you were, not to stay where you are the moment you believed in Jesus, you were created to mature.

And this is a difficult concept because oftentimes we think of things in such spiritual terms, and this feels very pragmatic.

You were created to mature, but I want you to listen to how Hebrews defines maturity.

Solid food is for the mature, and the mature are those who have senses, whose senses have been trained to distinguish between good and evil, to discern between right and wrong, to understand what is pushing them towards their purpose and what is a detriment to their purpose.

And how do you manage a circle of people when we are called to be in the world, but we're not called to be of the world?

You manage it through maturity.

And yet the writer to Hebrews is looking at these believers who are stuck in immaturity.

And we live, I want to suggest, in a world, in a society that is constantly drawing us, pulling us, dragging us towards immaturity.

We just look at the people that we choose for our role models.

We pick Hollywood, the celebrities.

They've got it all together.

The most immature people on planet Earth.

The way they view relationships, they're disposable.

We look up to the leading men who can sleep with the most women, the most immature outlook on what relationships and sex actually means.

We look at the way they handle their finances.

What do we call it?

What do we call all the cars and boats and mansions and nonsense?

We have a word.

In our vernacular, we have a word for this.

We call them toys.

They are stuck in immaturity.

They have handlers for everything.

They're entitled to everything.

If everything doesn't go their way, they throw huge fits.

Some of the most talented athletes in the world and they can't make it.

Why?

It's not that they don't have the skill, they're immature.

This will never be a political platform.

This is just an observation.

We look at our government right now.

People who were put in office by us, and yet it seems like working for us is the last thing on their agenda because they are being squelched by immaturity and trying to win their own arguments instead of winning for their constituents.

And everything, everything, everything draws us and draws us to immaturity.

And you hear people talk about standing still.

You know, it's just my 20s.

I'm gonna let loose a little bit, you know.

It's no big deal.

Man, I get in my 30s, I'll look for a wife.

I get in my 30s, I'll save some money.

I'll start putting back for retirement in my 40s.

Like I got some time, you know.

There is no standing still.

If you're standing still, you're moving backwards.

Because time doesn't stand still.

And with age comes an expectation of maturity.

And so time is passing you by, and your maturity is standing still, and what you're really doing is moving towards immaturity.

And it's difficult.

How do we get back on this path?

How do we move towards this life we were called to live?

It's tough.

It takes work.

And if we're gonna navigate the tension of the people around us and allow them to move us where God is calling us and not to drag us back down, we have to be intentional about understanding the tension.

King Solomon said this: the one who walks with the wise will become wise.

That's a tremendous promise.

He goes on to say, but a companion of fools will suffer harm.

Who's in your circle?

Well, King Solomon, the wisest man who ever lived, is teaching us, the one who walks with the wise will indeed become wise themselves.

That if we want to move on to maturity, that we have to have inside of our circle some people who are ahead of us in maturity.

People who have gone before, they might be older, they might be younger, but more experienced, they might have more knowledge, they might have more time, they might just have progressed further and faster because of situations in their life.

But we have to have people ahead of us.

If you want to be great with your money, you gotta find someone who's great with their money, knows how to save, knows how to spend, knows how to invest.

You want a great marriage, you have to find someone ahead of you.

Find someone who has already fought all the fights that you don't even know are coming yet.

You want to develop spiritually, you have to find someone ahead of you.

Someone who has cleared a path, someone who can speak into your life, and if you will walk with the wise, you will become wise.

Get people ahead of you, but there's more.

The apostle Paul was writing to a young pastor named Timothy, and he said, You therefore, my son, be strong in the grace that is in Christ Jesus.

Check this out.

What you have heard from me in the presence of others, commit to faithful men who will be able to teach others.

Says Timothy, Timothy, what you heard from me, you are now to teach to others.

And we not only need people in our top nine, in our circle of close friends who are ahead of us, we also need people who are behind us.

And both of them matter.

You see, if you only have people behind you, it breeds arrogance.

And you might think that's a that's a strange thing to say.

What would you have to be arrogant about if you don't have anyone ahead of you?

If you can't even attract people into your circle that are more successful than you.

Why would you be arrogant if everyone around you is immature?

Well, it's all about context.

And it breeds arrogance because everywhere you go, you're at the top.

And we've probably all known someone who is so arrogant, so cocky, so self-assured, and you look at the reality of their life and you go, why?

Like, I don't get it.

You have nothing going on.

You've been passed over for every promotion, you haven't had a meaningful relationship.

Man, people are only around you because they've got to be like, why?

It's because they're at the top all the time.

And if you only have people ahead of you, it doesn't breed arrogance, but it breeds narcissism.

It's all about you.

What can I get out of them and you're being poured into, and you're being led, and you're being pulled up.

But you forget that as bad as you need it in your life, there's others who need it and theirs.

And Paul says, Timothy, you take from me and teach others.

And then those others will teach others.

And instead of living in a world where we are all just devolving into immaturity, we get on a real path to progressing towards the purpose that God has placed inside of us.

And I want to introduce a concept called anchoring relationships.

Where are you anchored in your relationships?

In your circle, I hope that there are people ahead of you.

I hope that there are some people behind you, beside you, people who are along for the journey with you.

The question is, where are you anchored?

And where you're anchored is not who you spend the most time with, it's not who you talk to the most, it's not who you text the most, it's not who you plan trips with.

Who you are anchored to is the person that you can look at to help you develop the picture of what your life should be.

And the natural human tendency is to anchor ourselves to people who are behind us in maturity, to people who are still struggling with many of the things we've come through.

Our natural human tendency is to go backwards.

And yet, where you anchor is where you will head.

And if we can anchor to people ahead of us, then we will start an upward trajection towards our maturity, towards who we have been called to be.

And when we head in this direction, we become the kind of person that the people behind us can anchor to, and the people behind them can anchor to.

And all of a sudden, we have a movement of people who are progressing in the life that God has actually called us to live.

And so I have some very simple questions for you.

And we are becoming investigators into the triggers in our life so that we can understand them and change them.

And I'm gonna ask you to really take time and survey your circle of friends.

And I wonder if you have anyone behind me.

You ask yourself the question: who is behind me?

And listen, maybe this feels weird, like I don't feel like I should be ranking my friends, you know what I'm saying?

I don't feel like I can make these value judgments.

You're doing it anyway.

You're being led.

The people around you matter.

They are influencing you massively.

Let's be intentional about it.

Who is behind me?

And before we get arrogant, just remember just because they're behind you in maturity doesn't mean they are below you in worth.

Just because they are ahead of you in maturity doesn't mean that they are above you in worth.

We are all the children of God on a path, hopefully progressing towards our purpose.

Who is behind me?

The next question is who is beside me?

Who are the people who can support me and move with me towards the life that God has for me?

Is anyone ahead of me?

Is there someone that I can look to and learn from?

Be mentored by?

Are there people in my life that I can look to that can help me develop my own unique picture of what my life is meant to be?

Is there anyone I can anchor to?

An anchoring relationship that keeps me strong, that keeps bad company from corrupting the journey that I'm on, but allows me to still be all things to all people.

Where am I anchored?

If we can be intentional, we can manage the tension.

And by managing the tension in these ways, you are going to begin to disrupt many of the triggers that are leading you into negative cycles.

And if you can change some of those triggers, you can change your habits.

And if we can begin to change our habits, you really can change your life.

Would you pray with me?

God, we love you.

We thank you.

We thank you for the people you've put in our life.

All of them, God.

We believe there's a reason that we have these circles of influence.

And God, it is not just to be influenced by them, but it is to be an influencer to them.

And God, every person in this room, every person watching online who has believed in your son Jesus, we have the Spirit of God inside of us, and we walk into these relationships equipped with the hope of all eternity.

So, God, I pray we'd be intentional about how we're stewarding the people in our life.

That we would do all of it looking to you as our ultimate hope, our ultimate guide.

God, I pray we would see real change in our life.

That you would put people ahead of us, beside us, that you would bring people behind us, God, that we can clear a path for.

And we do all of it for the glory of your son Jesus.

And we pray it all in his name.

Amen.

Thanks so much for listening to the message today.

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If you want to get connected further with what MetaCurch is doing, you can go online to metachurch.tv.

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And I love you guys, and I hope you have a great rest of your day.