The Bystander Effect with Pastor Clayton Tyner

Welcome to the MetaCurch Podcast.

My name's Clayton.

I'm the pastor here at MetaCurch.

And my hope is that today's podcast finds you at the perfect time in your life that God uses it to inspire and enlighten you.

I hope that you enjoy today's message.

All right, well, happy Mother's Day to everyone at MetaCurch.

We're so glad that you joined us.

If you're new with us, my name is Clayton.

I'm the lead pastor here, and we're jumping right back into a conversation that we've been having over the last three weeks.

I want to start us in a verse in the Christian scriptures that is really key to what we believe.

In 2 Corinthians 5, verse 10, it says, For we must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ, so that each may be repaid for what he has done in the body, whether good or evil.

2 Corinthians 5:10

This is a key truth because we believe that life is actually going somewhere, and that right on the other side of this life, we will all stand before Jesus.

And when we meet our Maker, we will give an account for the life that we've lived.

We will see a review of who we were and how we spent the life that we were gifted.

And so if you've lived a life at all or been around for a while, you're probably a little bit nervous about what you're gonna see as you rewind the tapes a little bit.

I know that I certainly am, and that's really good news for what we believe here at MetaCurch, because if you have put your faith in Jesus, then what you will see is even in the moments of your life where you lived apart from God's will and plan, that that has been forgiven and covered by the blood of Christ.

And maybe you could say, Amen, if you're excited that you're gonna be taken care of someday.

We're also going to see all of the times that we took advantage of the life that we were given and pursued God's purpose for our lives.

And scripture tells us that we will be rewarded for taking on the fight and the responsibility of life and using our time to help the people around us.

This is the third week where we're focusing in on the same topic.

We've been talking about sacrifice.

And over the last two weeks, we outlined the path to proper sacrifice.

We said it it starts by looking in and then looking up, and we look in to wrestle with our intentions, and our intentions show us what we value the highest.

And because we are broken people in a broken world, oftentimes we begin to value the wrong things.

We value things that get in the way of our potential and our purpose.

We value things of this world that don't really care about us, that can't hold the weight of our hope, that can't point us in a direction of fulfillment at the deepest levels of who we are.

Those are the things that must be sacrificed.

We look in and then we look up and we give God our attention.

And last week we really talked about what it would look like to orient our life to the highest possible good that we could be doing.

And this matters because sacrifice is key.

It is required not just to live a successful life, but to live the significant life that you are created to live.

And so we've talked about this on an individual level, and we're gonna kind of turn a corner today and acknowledge that we don't live on an island.

That while we are our own people and we have the responsibility to live lives of proper sacrifice, we don't do life alone.

We have a community around us.

And we are built hardwired for community.

Even the most introverted among us, we must have people around us, and the people who are around you have overwhelming impact in your life.

As a matter of fact, research research has shown that your life will look ultimately like the four or five people who are closest to you.

You want to know how your life will turn out.

Look at the lives of the people that you allow the most access to yours.

And we think about peer pressure, and we think about it oftentimes as like something for elementary age kids.

And you can watch kids in elementary school for four seconds and see the power of peer pressure at play.

And maybe you're even aware of the peer pressure that you experienced in middle school, you know, and you would do some crazy outlandish things in middle school, and you look back, you can't believe you had that haircut.

You can't believe you wore the gene code genes, you know what I'm saying?

Like, like, what was that?

That's peer pressure, and you get into high school, you know, and maybe you look back in high school and maybe you you can look back and you can see ways that you really affected people or really hurt people, or decisions that you made that you you're really shocked by.

And if you could rewind the clock, it's like you would never do that again, except you might if you were still around the same people.

And then we we've been sold this lie that you know you get a two in front of your age, and now you're in your twenties, now you're an adult doing some adulting, paying those bills, you know, and that peer pressure just magically disappears.

And we couldn't be further from reality.

Peer pressure never leaves us.

And if we're unaware of it, and if we're not intentional about facing it, then we will simply be swept along, caught up in the current of the culture around us.

We will lose our agency to walk an intentional path in life.

A path of proper sacrifice that will lead to our success and our significance.

Today I want to talk about how other people affect our life and can sabotage our attempts at sacrifice.

My message today is called the bystander effect.

Would you pray with me?

Father, we love you and we come to you as a gathering of people, and we're aware, God, we're not here playing church, we're not here playing religion, we're not wearing our masks that say we have it all together and that our lives are going perfectly, and nothing could be better.

God, we're broken people and we are in need of you.

We need answers, God, to the hard parts of our life.

And so we're we're seeking you.

And God, MetaCurch is a collection of people across different venues, an online community, God.

We're at all different places in our faith walk.

But what we want to do is we want to have the humility to open our minds and our hearts and to allow you to speak to us.

And so, God, help us to do just that, and we pray it all in Jesus' name.

And everyone said?

Amen.

We're gonna talk about the bystander effect.

This was a coin turned in psychology based off a specific event.

In 1964, in Queens, New York, a woman named Kitty Ginovisi was murdered right outside of her apartment.

And this wasn't like a quick hit.

She didn't just get gunned down, it wasn't a drive-by.

This was a long, drawn-out process, all right in the courtyard of her apartment.

Kitty was stabbed to death over the course of 30 minutes and three different attacks.

The assailant would catch up with her, would do some damage, she would get away.

Later, he would find her again, get her again.

It was a long, drawn out, horrifying murder.

While all of this was taking place, 38 of her neighbors in the apartment complex watched the entire event unfold.

And the police never got there.

30 minutes, it's like, what could they have been doing?

Like, how many parking tickets can you write?

How could they have not shown up in time 30 minutes of terror?

And the police never came.

Because the police were never called.

38 people watched this woman die.

38 people observed most of the half an hour of violence.

This issue is what has come to be called the bystander effect.

This really baffled researchers of how this could possibly have happened.

And when they interviewed some of the 38 people who were witness to this, they couldn't even explain what kept them from picking up the phone and dialing 911.

Ever since 1964, people have been studying this and they have set up different experiments in the real world.

One of them, to give you an idea, in one experiment, they had people who were in a waiting room and they were on the other side of the door, the experimenters were, and they started pumping smoke through the bottom of the door that leads to the waiting room, and then observing what people would do.

And when there was one person in the waiting room, they reported the smoke virtually every single time.

But if there were four other people, if there were five people in the room and the smoke started coming under the door, it only got reported less than 30% of the time.

This is the bystander effect.

And the bystander effect says that the more people who observe an event, the less likely any one individual is to take action.

The more people who observe an event, the less likely any one of those people is to do something about it.

They narrowed it down to two broad categories that create the bystander effect.

The first is called diffusion of responsibility.

You see, when it's just you in a room and smoke is coming through the door, there's no one else who could possibly report it.

You have 100% of the responsibility to do something about it.

If you are in an alley and someone is being assaulted and it's just you watching, then 100% of the responsibility is on you.

And statistically, you will call the cops almost every single time.

But something interesting happens in the way that we think about responsibility.

As soon as there are other people watching the same event, we view responsibility as if it is one shared whole that we all fraction against each other.

And so if there are five people in the waiting room and smoke is coming under the door, you no longer feel 100% of the responsibility, you only feel one fifth of the responsibility.

The responsibility has been defused, it has been spread out over the whole.

Nobody in Kitty Genovisi's apartment complex called 911, because nobody felt 100% responsible to report it.

They felt approximately 138th responsible.

And the less responsibility that you feel, the less likely that you are to act.

Now that's not real.

It is a lie that we often are wired to believe.

What is real is we all have equally 100% responsibility, regardless of how many people are there with us.

Diffusion of responsibility is the first thing that leads to the bystander effect.

The second is social mirroring, and this one isn't hard to understand.

We were taught it as kids by calling it monkey see, monkey see, monkey do.

And this is just the idea that even we look in primates and they look around to their community and the behavior of others as cues to their own behavior in any given environment.

And so diffusion of responsibility and social mirroring begin to compound one another.

And when five people are in the waiting room and the smoke is coming through the door, immediately everyone feels one-fifth of the responsibility to do something about it.

The second thing that you do is you look at your social surroundings to get your cue or to inform you how you should behave.

And what you're probably going to see is other people not jumping up to do anything about the smoke.

And of course they're not, because they have also diffused responsibility.

So you're looking at them mirroring their inaction, they're looking at you, mirroring your inaction, and it becomes a cycle where a woman is stabbed to death over 30 minutes and nobody does anything about it.

The bystander effect is powerful.

And it took a long time to really understand it.

But once it was understood, the startling conclusion was that Kitty Genovisi didn't die in spite of 38 people witnessing her murder.

She may have died because so many people were witness to her murder.

Proper sacrifice is giving up what is of value that's holding you back, and it is orienting your life towards the highest possible good.

And no matter how many people are watching it with you, if someone is being assaulted or murdered, there is no question what the highest possible good is in that moment.

And no matter how busy you are, how many emails you have to check, or how late you're running to your child's sporting event, it is blatantly obvious that in that moment you should sacrifice anything in the way of doing the highest possible good.

And yet, the bystander effect, the power of the group around us can keep us from even the most obvious courses of action.

And so I want to go to a couple places in scripture where we see the bystander effect, diffusion of responsibility, social mirroring at play, not just to see how it works, but to understand the deep, deep weight of what it can cost us.

Last week we looked at Noah and the flood.

We're gonna look at the next big story in the book of Genesis.

It comes in chapter 11, and it's the story of the Tower of Babel.

It goes like this the whole earth had the same language and vocabulary, and as people migrated from the east, they found a valley in the land of Shinar and settled there.

And they said to each other, Come, let's make oven-fired bricks.

And they used brick for stone and asphalt for mortar.

And they said, Come, let's build ourselves a city and a tower with its top in the sky, and let's make a name for ourselves.

Otherwise, and so here's the real reason, otherwise, we will be scattered all throughout the earth.

I grew up in church and in Sunday school, we would learn this, you know, and it was kind of a wild story, and kids really like the Tower of Babel, because it's these ancient people building like the Eiffel Tower or something in the middle of the desert.

And so it's it's really crazy to think about.

And we would always be told that the lesson was about pride.

You know, that these people wanted to be as high as God.

And that is a piece of it, but it's far from the whole story.

See, to understand the whole story, you have to understand the story in its context.

After Noah and his family were saved from the flood, they were given a mandate for them and the generations after them.

In Genesis chapter 9, verse 7, we read this command from God.

Genesis 9:7

God said to Noah, But you be fruitful and multiply and spread out and spread out over the earth.

And why did they build the tower?

They built the tower because otherwise we will be spread out through the earth.

The tower of Babel was direct disobedience against God's purpose for their lives.

God started with Noah and he was making a people for himself, and what was their job?

Their job was to spread out over the earth and to take dominion of it.

One of the truths of scripture is that we were created with the Imago Dei, the image of God inside of us.

That means that we are image bearers of the divine, and we shine the light of God into the world when we are following his purpose for our life.

And yet sometimes we want to build a tower.

And when we build a tower, what we're saying is instead of building God's kingdom, we want to build our own.

And they didn't want to spread out because that's a lot of work.

Like to the ends of the earth, that's a lot of travel.

And that sounds like a lot of sweat.

Sounds like carrying a lot of stuff.

It sounds like a lot of kids going, Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

Are we there yet?

And so it's like, why bother, you know?

And it's the fear of the unknown.

We don't really know what's out there anyway.

And we found this beautiful valley, and we've got some building skills now.

So, bro, let's put up some lofts.

We'll be good here.

We can cut out all that travel, you know, we can just do our own thing.

And so everyone built a tower.

And everyone disobeyed God.

And what God wanted was these people to go to multiply and fill the earth, to take dominion of it, and these people, this is the purpose, this is the height of it.

These people were to be used by God to bring the kingdom of God to the earth.

The highest possible good, and they traded it for a tower.

They traded it to build their own kingdom.

Being a bystander always costs you something.

It is trading in the life that God has created for you for a life of comfort and convenience.

And so maybe you're familiar with the story, but in their pride, they built the tower, and God came down and he confused their languages, and they could no longer work together because they didn't speak the same languages.

And so they had to group together with the people who spoke the same language as them, and now they were grouped into different people with different languages, which created different nations who now spread out.

But they forfeited their opportunity.

They forfeited their purpose and their promise.

Standing by will always cause you to give up.

And the things that you will give up are the very path and purpose that will lead you to the life that you are desperate, desperate to live.

One more example.

After the Tower of Babel, God called a new nation to himself.

He started with a man named Abraham, and he said, I will make a great nation out of you, and you will be my people.

And now it was going to be Israel, who are going to be God's vehicle for his plan of redeeming the world.

And through Israel, someday the Savior would come, Jesus.

And it all started with Abraham.

And Abraham was made into a great nation, the nation of Israel.

And eventually Israel got into some trouble.

They became captives in Egypt, and they were in Egypt for like 400 years, which meant they still knew Yahweh, the one true God, but they had been really ingrained into the Egyptian way of life.

And they also worshiped the Egyptian gods.

And finally, God came and he asserted his superiority.

And through Moses, he brought ten terrible plagues to the land of Egypt.

And this was direct spiritual warfare, the one true God against the false gods of Egypt.

And God asserted his dominance, and so the king of Egypt allowed the Israelites to leave.

And God wasn't done doing his miraculous work because on their way out, God split the Red Sea, and these very Israelites walked across on dry ground.

And if that wasn't enough, they looked back, and as the Egyptian army came after them, the waters closed over them, and then they were on their way to the land that was called the promised land.

They are on the path to the promise.

That is the life that you want to live.

A life that is on the path to the promises that God has for you, to the purpose that God has for you, to the impact that you can make in this world.

They are on their way.

And there's a problem.

And there's always a problem.

And if your life is too easy, it probably means you're not actually pursuing significance.

Because significance comes with a price.

And so things aren't easy.

And they're in the desert and they're hungry.

And they start saying crazy things like, you know, when we were in Egypt and we were enslaved and we had no freedoms and we were just used as manual labor and nobody cared about us and they would kill us if we got out of line and they killed all of our firstborn babies.

But you know, when we were in Egypt, we at least had three square meals a day, and and man, we can rationalize anything, right?

And so God intervenes, and it's a miracle.

And he starts dropping off miracle food at the door of their tent every morning.

God is DoorDash, like 6,000 years early, just dropping it at the door.

Miracle food from heaven.

And they're they're eating miracle food and they're walking through miracle dry ground and they're seeing the miracle plagues, and now God gives them the Ten Commandments.

And this is a beautiful thing, because this is a way to live a successful life.

And the Ten Commandments will lead you to a life of sacrifice, which will lead you to a life of success and significance.

And after they had been in the wilderness for a while, God called Moses up to the top of a mountain.

And on the mountain, he was going to lay out the full Jewish law.

All of Israel's 613 rules, regulations, and commandments.

And God was taking a little bit longer than the rest of Israel was comfortable with.

And so all the people took off the gold rings that were on their ears and brought them to Aaron.

And he took the gold from them and fashioned it with an engraving tool and made it into an image of a calf.

And then they said, Israel, these are your gods who brought you out of the land of Egypt.

When Aaron saw this, he built an altar in front of it and made an announcement.

And the people sat down to eat and drink and they got up to party.

Now, like 20 chapters ago, God gave the Ten Commandments.

And if you need a refresher course in the Ten Commandments, the first one is you shall have no other gods before me.

And the second is you shall not make any false idols.

And Moses takes like a little bit too long.

And they're like, you know what we need?

Some idols and a new God.

It's baffling when you think about this in the context of the power of the one true God that they have experienced.

The golden calf was worshipped, you guessed it, in Egypt.

It was a sign of power and protection.

They went back to the very false God that had already been defeated by the one true God.

And we can judge them all we want.

But most of us who have followed Jesus for any amount of time have experienced his power in our lives and gone right back to the things of the world just as quickly as we can.

And it sounds like it was so easy, you know, these Israelites who are like walking through miracle after miracle and had just eaten some miracle food that morning, that they could just turn on it like that.

But in a nation of over a million people, we know that there were some people who at least thought, I could be remembering this wrong, but didn't God say something about like false gods and idols?

And maybe they even said it out loud, you know, like I really don't know.

I don't know if we want to be on God's side.

I don't know if you remember the plagues, like the hail and the boils and the river turning to blood and the frogs and the gnats and all the animals dying.

Like, I don't know that we want to get on God's bad side here, you know.

Maybe, maybe we should just wait.

I mean, I'm sure Moses will be back at some point.

Somebody thought that.

Like, like as they lit the offerings and dropped on their knees to a God who is not above and transcendent, but is literally mined from the earth below that God created?

Somebody was watching everyone drop to their knees, get on their faces before a false God and thinking, maybe we should hit the brakes.

And the nation bowed.

And the nation worshiped.

And so, how do we think about responsibility?

Because if it's this nebulous idea that all of us share, then how bad is it to really worship a false God?

There's like a million people in Israel.

Maybe I'm only one millionth responsible for my actions here.

And we all practice social mirroring, so as our conscious and the Holy Spirit inside of us is telling us not to, we're looking around instead of looking up, we're looking out for our social cues of how we should behave, and they're bowing down.

So I guess I might as well bow down too.

Pretty soon the people of God who are meant to stand up in this world are standing by, becoming passive observers to the life that we were created to live.

And the question that's like been just burning inside of me, and I mean, I've really thought about this for my own life this week, and I think it's worth you considering is every time you become a bystander, what is it costing you?

The people at the Tower of Babel were God's chosen people to bring his kingdom to the earth, and they forfeited it to build a kingdom for themselves.

The Israelites who couldn't wait for Moses to get off the mountain never entered the promised land.

And so we sacrifice the core of our purpose for comfort and convenience.

We become bystanders.

Have you ever noticed it's way easier to be bad if you can get someone to be bad with you?

Way easier.

I'll tell you right now, I don't normally drive 95 miles an hour, but if I'm on 37 south, why not?

You go 95 and you're getting past.

You're in the slow lane going 95.

And so what do you think?

You think things like, what are they gonna do?

Pull all of us over.

I'm not saying that the logic is flawed.

I'm just saying it's in our nature to take our responsibility to see a 7-5 on a sign and put a 7-5 on our dash, and instead we go, everyone else is going fast.

There's a thousand other cars around me.

I could only at best be one one thousandth responsible.

And you see friend groups, and what happens is when one person falls into drugs without intervention, it's usually a matter of time before the group is doing drugs.

And we're taking our cues because our attention is out, not up.

And we're looking at responsibility as something that we can rationalize to the intentions of what we value the most instead of looking at responsibility as something to sacrifice on behalf of.

And trust me, I've gotten enough speeding tickets in my life to know that the cop does not give one care about how fast everyone else was going.

The responsibility was mine to follow the law.

It's much easier.

It's, you know, and if you're not an alcoholic, it's it's difficult to get drunk alone.

If you're getting drunk alone, you're an alcoholic.

And I'm serious about that.

That's a that's a key indicator.

But you're with a group of people, and it's like, well, we're all one-fifth responsible for being for being responsible, you know?

And so let's go.

And they're drinking, so I'm drinking.

And is that is that what your life is worth?

Monkey see, monkey do?

Is that how we're called to live?

And we see this, man, and it hurts us.

And there are so many marriages that are hurt because of the beliefs that we create about our spouses by the words that we speak out loud.

And and women, I mean, I'm sure you do this too, but I'll tell you right now, you get in groups of husbands, and they will talk about their wives in ways that they would never talk alone.

And it's like, well, I'm only one-seventh responsible for being a good and loving husband right now, and and I'm looking at what everyone else is doing, and everyone else, so I might as well play the game.

And maybe you can go like window shopping by yourself, but as soon as you have two friends who are making purchases, you're making purchases too.

And so we become bystanders quickly.

And what are we standing by?

We are standing by and watching ourselves destroy our own values.

We allow bullying to go on, we allow injustice, and for the students in here, you know this.

There are kids in your school who are depressed, they are anxious, and some of them are wondering if life is even worth living.

And I get it because when you're in a cafeteria of 400 people, and everyone is distancing themselves from that person or that group, when everyone is gossiping about that person, you only feel one 400th responsibility for your role in it.

And what if, what if you were 100% responsible for you?

Where did we start today?

2 Corinthians 5.

We must all appear before the judgment seat of Christ so that each may be repaid for what we have done.

And we don't like being held responsible sometimes, and we don't like accountability.

But there is no reward without responsibility.

And a lot of us, we live life as if it's our full-time job to worry about what everybody else is doing.

And there are people who come to church every single Sunday, and every sermon is so good for someone that's not them.

It's like, oh man, if my sister could hear this one, that would really change her life.

Man, if I could get my boss to listen to this sermon, wouldn't we all be better off?

And it's like, when is God gonna say something to you?

You've already made it, you're already complete, you've got all of it figured out.

Man, I don't.

No perfect people allowed at Metachurch.

We're all grasping in the dark, trying to figure it out.

I've got great news for you.

When you stand before Jesus someday, you will not have to give an account for anybody's life but your own.

And so, what is he measuring?

He's measuring whether or not we chose to be responsible for the life that he's given us.

And it's very easy.

It's very easy to blame the system and to blame other people and to blame our parents and to blame our siblings and blame our upbringing and to blame our bank account.

It's very easy.

But at the end of the day, whether the suffering you experience in life is brought on by yourself, by something outside of you, or a combination of the two, there is one path to success and significance, and it is looking in and laying down and sacrificing any value that's in the way of your potential.

And it is looking up and orienting your life, giving your attention to God and living out the highest possible good that you can do moment by moment by moment.

That is the path.

But if you are a bystander, you will sabotage your path to proper sacrifice.

And the church gets caught in this because the church is a group of people.

And so we say you are the church, and that is collective, like you, like y'all, but it is also very individual because you, as an individual, are the church.

You are God's children, you are ambassadors for Christ on the earth.

And in the church world, we fall prey to the bystander effect.

And statistically, in the church world, 10% of the people give 80% of the finances to the church, and 10% of the people do 80% of the volunteering, and 10% of the people go to 80% of the classes, and 10% of the people join 80% of the life teams.

And that 10% has chosen, instead of standing by, I'm going to stand up.

Instead of pushing responsibility away and diffusing it and spreading it out over everyone else, I'm going to stand up under the responsibility to live the life I've been given.

And so a lot of people don't give, and so we say, if you could sacrifice$100 a month, and I know that's a lot of money, but it, but if you could like eat out a few less times, or no one goes to the movies anymore, but when they come back, don't go to the movies a couple times.

And if you could give$100 a month, it would make an amazing difference.

And you think$100 will make a hundred dollars of difference.

You know, like that's math.

And here's the problem it's so easy to think they don't really need my hundred because someone else will give it.

I'm only a fraction responsible for this movement.

And I'm telling you, that's a lie.

And so 400 people think we don't need their hundred dollars a month.

And if you're wondering, that's$40,000 a month.

And we're trying to build buildings and reach people and start programs and expand our reach, and it takes finances and it takes an army of volunteers to put on our weekend services and to push forward our classes, and everyone thinks someone else will serve.

And if everyone thinks that way, no one will serve and no one will give.

And we will hide the light of the world under our lack of responsibility.

You were not created to be a bystander.

You were not created to just be swept along by the current of culture and how you navigate your marriage and your parenting, your career and your friendships, your dreams, goals, worldviews, and decisions.

You were made on purpose.

God knows you're here.

He placed you on planet earth.

It was not a mistake.

God made you on purpose.

Your life matters.

God made you with purpose.

You have work to do.

And the people at the Tower of Babel thought, we'll be comfortable.

And they forfeited the core of their purpose.

And the people got tired of waiting on Moses, and our impatience causes us to make some of the worst decisions we'll ever make in life.

What are you giving up by standing by?

And in my experience, and this is a conviction I have, strong conviction, that most people have no idea the unimaginable impact that your life could make on this world if you would live it, sacrificing what's in the way and orienting your life to the good that you could do.

You have no idea.

And the call to follow Jesus is a call to the adventure of a lifetime, the call to come up under the responsibility of the life that you have been given, to stand up and bear as much weight as you can, not to build your own kingdom, but to lift the weight off of a world that is dying without hope.

The call to follow Christ is the call to follow Christ to continue his work, to change the world.

Maybe you think someone else will do it.

You only have partial responsibility.

You don't have to convince me, but you will have to convince the one who gave you the life you're living someday.

We will all stand before Jesus, and there is no reward without response.

Don't stand by.

And God, if we make one today, we'll make two tomorrow.

God, that we would make one decision towards the highest possible good today.

And if we make one today, we'll make two tomorrow and we're building something, God.

We're building something.

And we don't want to build our own tower.

We want to build your kingdom.

And so help us to that end.

We love you.

We pray all of these things in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Thanks so much for listening to the message today.

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There you can learn how to take next steps.

You can learn where our different venues are at if you ever wanted to visit.

And you can also give financially to help push this movement forward.

Man, I love you guys, and I hope you have a great rest of your day.