Stupid in Love: He Is Rizzin with Pastor Clayton Tyner

Welcome to the MetaCurch Podcast.

My name's Clayton.

I'm the pastor here at MetaCurch.

And my hope is that today's podcast finds you at the perfect time in your life that God uses it to inspire and enlighten you.

I hope that you enjoy today's message.

All right, MetaCurch, how you guys doing?

Yeah.

Well, I want to welcome you in.

If you're new with us, my name is Clayton.

I'm the lead pastor here at MetaCurch.

We are in week two of our Stupid in Love series, where we are looking at relationships, romance, marriage.

Last week we set the stage by recognizing that a lot of the cultural prescriptions for what is romantic, when you really look at it and really think about it, are actually quite stupid.

And there has to be a better way because we don't really know what love is, and we're not sure how to attract the right person, and we don't know how to date in a godly manner.

And most marriages are struggling in some kind of a significant way.

And we know this.

We see it in our culture.

We see single people's frustration trying to find the right person.

We see people in their marriages constantly complaining about their spouses.

We see divorce rates super high.

And so, what is the issue and how do we solve it?

Last week we saw the overarching problem is that we tend to fall in love with the outer person before we know their inner purpose.

That's another way of saying we don't know what love is.

We think it's all emotions and feelings.

We don't realize it is a deep commitment that should be thought through at an incredibly deep level.

Today we're going to take another step towards more practicality.

Today we're gonna talk about how to be attractive and how to therefore attract the right kind of person.

Now, I do think that in all my years preaching, this is the first time that my sermon title is going to actually be a meme.

But around Easter, my timeline was flooded with a meme that doesn't sound weird because they were all saying he is risen, but it wasn't he is R-I-S-E.

And my sermon today is he is risen.

You guys might have seen this on the internet now.

If you're over 40, you may not get this, and that's okay.

Uh to have Riz at the bottom line is just to be attractive.

And if you're under 20, you may not know that Riz comes from the word charisma.

And people with charisma are attractive to other people.

Now, it it's interesting, it's kind of a play on the Easter story, um, but it is true that Jesus was the most charismatic person who ever walked the earth.

He was attractive to everyone who came into contact with him.

And of course, Jesus never turned that romantic.

He he never dated, never got married, he was never in a romantic relationship.

And you may not know that scripture actually says that Jesus was not outwardly handsome in any meaningful way, and yet he was the most attractive person, and like for all things in life, he is the model for how we live as well, which means the more we look like Jesus, the more attractive we become.

Before we know how the Bible calls us to live an attractive life, we first have to understand how culture sees attraction at play.

We'll do that together today.

Let's pray.

Jesus, we love you.

We thank you for loving us.

I thank you for the community here at MetaCurch, for how you continue to move in us and grow us.

We ask that you would speak to us.

I thank you for a community where anyone can come at any point in their faith journey.

God, I pray that if anyone does not know you and has not put their faith in Jesus, you'd move in their life on a powerful way today.

Maybe today would be the day that they are in relationship with you through faith in Jesus.

And I pray you would help us with our relationships, that we would see the importance of it.

We love you.

We pray these things in Jesus' name.

And if you're ready to get your riz up, say amen.

Amen.

Yeah.

Some of you still don't know what that means.

That's okay.

We're gonna figure it out together.

Today we're talking about how to be attractive, which means we first have to know how our current culture assesses attractiveness.

And so I wanted to know, I've been married for a pretty long time now.

I've got three kids, one of them in college.

So I'm a little bit, you know, removed from the dating scene.

And so I did like an afternoon of research of what women find attractive, what men find attractive.

It was a painful afternoon of research.

I'm out here sacrificing for you guys, right?

And this won't be surprising, but huge distinctions between what women find attractive and what men find attractive.

With women, very quickly assessing what you're looking for in a man becomes some kind of like trigonometry problem, okay?

Very detailed, very nuanced, and there's all kinds of model men, not male models, but model men that you guys look to where you like different parts of their personality.

And so I told the creative team, I think that we could actually build the perfect man based on my research of what women find attractive.

And so we did that very thing, and uh you guys are looking for some pretty specific things.

Like, you want a high fashion sense, kind of like Don Draper from Mad Men, but you also want the class and the success and financial stability of like, you know, a George Clooney, but you don't just want the fashion and the success, you also want the intelligence of like an Einstein, okay?

The full package.

Now, some of you are looking at marriage.

You want to be someone's missus, and you want the ultimate mister.

And so you want like the strength of Mr.

Olympia, and you want the confidence of Mr.

T.

Who's more confidence than Mr.

T?

But you don't just want the strength and the confidence, you want the kindness and compassion of Mr.

Rogers, right?

The ultimate Mr.

Now, some of you are a little bit younger, you don't know who any of these people are, right?

But what you might want is the ultimate Chris.

A lot of ladies are looking for their Chris.

And of course, I mean the humor of Chris Pratt and the muscles of Chris Hemsworth and the good looks of Chris Evans.

Ladies, can I get an amen?

The ultimate Chris.

And it's very interesting.

I mean, women get very, very, very detailed in what they're looking for.

Like, he's gotta be six foot three, but he can't be taller than six, four and a half.

You know, it's like, well, that's really narrowed your options there, you know.

Average height's like five foot ten, so for all my short kings out there, you know, we we gotta kind of rough.

So some of you are like, he's gotta make more money than me, but he's gotta pretend like I make more money than him, you know.

It's like, all right, you're getting really in the weeds here.

And and it won't surprise you uh that men are a lot less complicated.

That doesn't mean there's not still some complexity to what men are looking for.

Like when you ask men, they'll say, Oh yeah, um uh what I like is legs.

And it's like, oh, okay.

And it's like, no, no, no, but there's more, you know, I'm not shallow.

I also like them to have a body.

And it's like, right, well, those are just physical, right?

But they also have to have a face, you know?

And so I was like, all right, but guys, like there's more initially that you're attracted to, right?

And so when you dig a little bit deeper, it's like, oh, for sure, for sure.

I mean, we can get more specific, like calves, you know, which are just a part of the leg, and then I don't know, like a torso, which is like a clinical term just for a body, you know?

And if you really push them, they might say a good looking face, right?

So I was like, surely men can dig deeper, there's more complexity there, there's more they're looking for.

I scoured historically, biologically, neurologically.

It turns out what men are really looking for is legs and uh a hot body, which we're just gonna turn that around, that's inappropriate, and then maybe even a really good-looking face, you know?

And so you have kind of these exaggerations of both sides.

But it is true that women often have a very long, detailed, nuanced list.

And when it comes to initial attraction, men are almost completely visual.

That's how attraction starts for most people.

And if we think about the way that we're dating in today's world, the data backs all of this up, and it's not leading to a lot of happiness.

The way most dating is happening in today's world is through dating apps.

The the biggest dating/slash hookup app is Tinder.

Uh the way Tinder works is you show a picture, you have a very short profile on there.

The women tend to care a lot about the profile because they have a lot of nuanced characters they're looking for.

The men tend to care about the pictures because they're attracted through visual stimulation.

And if you if you like what you see, you swipe right.

It notifies them.

If they like what they see in you, they swipe right, and then you have a match.

Uh, as of two years ago, there were 1.6 billion swipes per day on Tinder.

1.6 billion.

Guys, there's only 8 billion people on planet Earth, okay?

That's a lot of activity.

There were about 30 million matches per day, which might make it sound like that's where you should be.

Look at all the activity happening every single day on Tinder, but the numbers can be deceiving.

You may not know that dating apps are about 70% males.

So men are the overwhelming majority on dating apps.

Now you might think 1.6 billion swipes a day, there's 70% of men who are on Tinder.

So if I'm a woman, I've got like a huge selection.

I'm way outnumbered here.

It should be way easier for me to find someone.

You'd be wrong about that as well.

You see, when it comes to what people find attractive, on dating apps like Tinder, men find women attractive about 60% of the time.

Women find men attractive about 4.5% of the time.

You know why?

Because men need a leg's body and face, and women need Don Draper, Clooney, and Einstein, right?

We have a big gap there, and it shows in the swipes.

So men will swipe right, meaning that they're trying to link up with someone about 53% of the time.

More than half of the time, they will swipe right.

Women will swipe right less than 5% of the time.

There's a huge disparity there.

That means the average female gets about three matches every day on dating apps, and the average male gets one every week.

The average man has to swipe on 50 women to get a match.

The average woman has to swipe on only three men.

You know what this creates?

It creates the idea that men think there are no women out there, and women think there are only losers out there.

Men are just looking for anyone, and women are stuck trying to find the right one.

See, we know what interests us, that initial physical attraction, that initial attraction based on exterior characteristics, but we don't know how to move from interested to invested.

We don't know how to move from a physical interest to a relational investment, where we actually start pursuing something real with somebody.

And we are taking our cues on what makes someone attractive from the culture around us, and you can look at all the studies and all the statistics, people are less happy, less fulfilled, more miserable in their romantic relationships right now than any other time in modern history.

And so, how do we get this right?

How do we know how to move from this initial interest in someone to a long-term relational investment with them?

We're gonna look at three key characteristics laid out for us in scripture that you need in order to attract the right kind of person, and it just makes sense to attract the right kind of person, you need to be attractive to them.

And so, what will make you attractive?

If you're single and dating, this would be a good sermon to take notes because this is going to give you the roadmap for being attractive according to scripture.

If you are married, before you tune out for the rest of the sermon, these same principles can challenge you, and if you'll apply them inside your marriage, your marriage will grow more fulfilling.

The first thing that we need to be attractive and attract the right people is we need to be real.

And that is very difficult to do in today's society.

Almost everyone is playing the part of the character that they think will attract somebody else.

You know, when you go to fill out your online dating profile on Tinder or whatever app you happen to be on, nobody just pulls out their phone for their biopic and just goes, I don't know.

And then posts it, right?

If you're a man, you have to have a picture that communicates you're way more successful than you actually are, and you have far more status than you actually have, and you're way farther ahead in your career than you actually are.

And you might be a middle manager, but on Tinder, baby, you are a CEO, you know?

And so your profile picture, you're gonna go to a Spurs game and sit where you normally sit on the roof, right?

But at the right time, you will risk it for your profile picture.

You will sneak all the way down to courtside and you'll take your picture real quick, you'll get thrown out by security, but man, on Tinder, they will think you're balling, right?

Women, you're not out of out of the picture either, because you will get the right angle with the right lighting, with the right filter, always looking up so you keep your chin singular, not plural, right?

I know the tricks.

And you'll get it right.

And in your bio line, you'll think very carefully, and you'll assume that the guy you're trying to match with wants a character who's very adventurous.

And maybe a little less modest than you actually are in your real life, and maybe a little more sexually promiscuous than you're actually comfortable with, because you know that's what people are looking for.

And so men tend to lie about their status and their wealth and their height and things that that make them appear more successful than they are, and women will tend to lie about things like how adventurous they are or how extroverted outgoing they are, or the things they're looking for in a partner, and you're playing a character.

And to be actually attractive, you have to be real.

I mean, think about this.

Even if you're successful, getting someone interested in you, maybe even invested in a relationship with you, based off of a character that's not actually you, then either you're going to quickly set them up for real disappointment when they find out you are the middle manager, not the CEO, or you're going to have to keep up the facade for as long as possible, which means you're investing in a relationship with someone that right out the gate you are lying to.

Neither of those are good options.

Proverbs 27, 19 says, as water reflects the face, so the heart reflects the person.

To really be attractive, you have to be real.

And there's a few things that lead to someone being real.

And for a lot of people, you actually don't yet have the capacity to be your true self because you don't yet know your true self.

Do you really know who you are?

Do you know how the pain of your past affects you in your present and your future?

Here's a few things that we know the pain from our past creates coping mechanisms that turn into our worst way patterns.

These are the prevalent habitual sins that show up in our lives.

Do you know what your worst way patterns are?

And do you know what causes them?

Here's what we know the pain from your past creates false narratives in your mind.

These are the tracks that run through your mind that are lies from the devil that cause you to make poor decisions over and over and over again.

Do you know where your false narratives are from?

And do you know how to redeem them by pinpointing the pain they originated from?

Do you know yourself?

If you don't know the real you, you cannot present the real you to anybody else.

There's important work that has to be done for you to live authentically.

And if someone is going to invest long term in a relationship with you, maybe even marriage with you, they should be marrying the real you.

Everything that we have built at MetaCurch in terms of our programs and our spiritual formation processes is to help you know the real you.

We start with a belief at MetaCurch that you were created on purpose, that God created you with a great purpose to live out in the world, and that God did not create you to play the character that you think will be attractive to someone else.

He created you to be real.

You know, we just wrapped up the uh spring semester of the Meta Movement Academy.

The people who have been through it the last two semesters will tell you it is a significant investment.

You know, it's uh once a week in the evenings for about three months, and yet this is the work we help you do.

To know the real you so you can be real.

On a deeper level, if you are a believer in Jesus, and I know MetaCurch is a place for people in all parts of their faith journey, you might not be there yet, but if you are a believer, the real you find your identity in Christ.

Here's what James, the half-brother of Jesus, said if anyone is a hearer of the word and not a doer, he's like someone looking at his own face in a mirror.

He looks at himself, goes away, and immediately forgets what kind of person he was.

James makes it clear: if you don't live out your faith, if your identity is not in Christ and is not lived out following Christ, you don't know who you are.

In that same chapter, James says that people who believe in Jesus but don't follow Jesus, they are deceiving themselves.

Now, when we play a character to try to convince others to be attracted to us, single people do this, married people do this, even with their spouses, trying to be someone they're not.

When we do that, we're seeking to deceive others.

For some of us, our issue is a more core issue than that.

We're not even trying to deceive others, we're deceived ourselves.

We don't know who we are.

If you want to attract the right person, this is where you start you understand as a Christian, your allegiance is to Christ, and that should be the highest priority in your life.

That as Christians, we are engaged every day in spiritual warfare, and that our job is to take ground for God's kingdom.

That's what your life is oriented around, which means that is not a date number 11 conversation, that is a date number one conversation.

You see, when you hold back the most core part of who you are for the first couple months of dating, what do we learn in week one?

You will fall in love with the outer person, and they don't even know your inner purpose.

You might become so entangled with them, so invested in them, and a few months down the road realize that when it comes to the deepest matters, you're on completely different pages.

If someone is not interested in those things, they are not a good match for you.

Typically, what happens is you end up having to hide and compromise your own faith journey in order to cater to the partner who is not on a faith journey themselves.

It does not make them a bad person in any stretch of the imagination.

We all know this.

There are non-believers who are often way better behaved than believers are.

That's not what I'm saying.

What I'm saying is, as a follower of Jesus, your ultimate goal in life is to follow him and build his kingdom.

And if the person that is closest to you in life is not on that same journey, someone will have to compromise.

The realest version of yourself, if you're a believer, is the one that submits to Jesus, and to hide that, or to compromise that in any way, is to not be real.

Now, beyond the spiritual, the real you is the healthy you.

All of these are what it takes, this first big category.

To be attractive, you must be real.

And the real you is the healthy you.

And so, what do we do in Sunday service and in our life teams and our volunteer teams and the Meta Movement Academy?

We try to help you become healthy.

Specifically, we believe if someone is spiritually, emotionally, relationally, and financially healthy, there's almost nothing holding you back from fully following Jesus.

And if you are unhealthy in any of those areas, not only will it sabotage the significant life you were created to live, it will cover up the core of who you actually are.

We are called to be healthy.

Beyond those areas, God also created us to take care of our bodies because you need to know this.

Your body is borrowed.

It is not yours.

You know, I have an old truck and I drive it like it's an old truck.

You know, I just I drive it, I don't worry a lot about it, the door handle's falling off, it doesn't matter, it's mine, I own it, it's old.

When I borrow somebody's truck, I am so careful.

Because I'm borrowing it from a friend, you know?

The last thing I want to do is leave it dirty or, you know, accidentally hit a corner or jump a curb.

Our bodies are borrowed from God.

And in a real sense, if you consistently sabotage your own physical health, you do need to know that that is always linked to another area where you're not healthy.

Emotional health, spiritual health, relational health, even financial health.

In other words, if you don't take care of your body, it's being caused from pain in your past you haven't dealt with because you don't know the real you.

Here's what scripture says: it says, Don't you know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God?

You are not your own.

You were bought at a price, so glorify God with your body.

Your body is borrowed, and it is a temple, it is a vehicle for the purpose that God has placed inside of you.

Here's what I'm not saying.

I'm not saying every man has to look like Thor and bench press 400 pounds.

I'm not saying every woman's gotta be a size zero or anywhere close to a size zero.

I'm saying you should be healthy because the healthy you is the real you.

When Katie and I started dating, uh, we were really uh, I was deeply attracted to her, and then I found out she was very real, and I wanted to invest in this relationship, and she was very attracted uh to my personality.

And so it really worked out well.

And we started dating, and a uh a little while into dating, she let me know very lovingly something that was very true, which I did not take care of my body.

And I had a little bit of a fatalist approach to my health because when I was very young, I was diagnosed with an autoimmune disease.

Statistically, it takes about 20 or so years off of your lifespan.

And I just kind of took an approach, like, I'm gonna die young, and so who cares?

You know what that is?

That's an emotionally unhealthy approach.

Katie lovingly let me know that my diet was basically like someone had given a six-year-old a credit card, you know?

That's how I ate.

And with tears in her eyes one night, she told me she could see herself marrying me.

That was very exciting.

And she said, I want to be married to you for a long time.

The power of a great relationship is they help you get better.

And so I was about it.

I wanted to make that important change.

And so the next time we sat down to eat, the waiter came up to take the order.

All proud of myself, I was like, I will have a side of green beans.

You know, first vegetable I'd ordered in 10 years.

The waiter was confused, like, right, what, like, what plate do you want?

You know, like I just wanted to show her I'm about it.

I'm gonna take care of my body because my body is borrowed.

And it's the vehicle for the purpose that God has placed inside of me.

And the pragmatic effect of being emotionally healthy is you will be more attractive.

Of being financially healthy is you will be more attractive, relationally healthy, spiritually healthy, physically, taking care of your body, you will be more attractive and attract the right kind of people.

It's imperative that we are on guard because we live in a culture that literally celebrates unhealthy things.

There's a prophecy in the Old Testament that says, beware in the days where they call good things bad and bad things good.

And our culture actively celebrates bad habits and unhealthy states of being.

Body positivity?

Absolutely.

Be thankful for the life that God gave you.

Going around shaming people, absolutely not.

Sounds like a bad idea.

Celebrating states of being that are literally unhealthy is wrong.

We should allow the conviction of the Holy Spirit to get us healthy because the healthy you is the real you, and the world deserves to know the real you, and the world around you needs the people of God to be real, to be authentic.

And your romantic partner should be introduced to who you really are.

Not the parts that you're trying to cover up with unhealthy coping mechanisms, but who God created you to be.

This is how you begin to become attractive and attract the right people.

And then once you get to know that person, if your identity is clearly placed in Christ, not only will you be attractive, but you'll be attractive to the right people who also find their identity there.

And you'll know when to move from interested to invested.

Number one, you have to be real.

Number two, you need to be holy.

Now, this is a word that feels like it's very spiritually loaded.

It feels like a big biblical word that we don't really know what it means, but we know it's in scripture a lot.

To be holy means to be set apart.

And the truth is, if you are in Christ, you are set apart.

Scripture says that when you believe, the old has passed, and you are now a new creation, that you have moved from spiritual death into spiritual life.

Jesus prayed over his followers and said, Let them know that they are in the world.

We're here, we're on earth, they're in the world, but they are not of this world.

Holy, set apart.

Proverbs 22:1 says, A good name is to be chosen over great wealth.

Proverbs 22:1

Favor is better than silver and gold.

You can get places in life compromising on who you actually are.

You can get places in life compromising on holiness, on setting yourself apart for the things of God.

You can attract someone based on a character you're playing that's not really you.

But in the long run, it is not profitable.

Those gains are short-lived, and it is better to be holy.

Holiness does not mean that you're some judgmental, weird, super duper Christian.

It means that your character and identity is in Christ and you do not compromise.

And culture constantly pushes us to compromise.

Holiness is about seeing yourself as set apart by God.

And what that does is it allows you to properly value yourself.

The idea that God loved you enough to send his one son to give his life for yours, to exchange the perfect life of Jesus for my sinful life.

That's where my value must come from.

That's where my worth must come from.

That's where my purpose must come from.

Because if not, I will look for my value, worth, and purpose in my status, in my significance, in my career, in the things others think about me.

Women in our society are constantly letting men use them emotionally and sexually.

Men who are not real, who are playing a character to get you into bed with them, then using you, and you're allowing that because you think it will help you find your value and your worth.

Your value and your worth come about because you're holy.

Say amen.

You are holy.

You are set apart by God at the cost of the life of Jesus.

You don't need any person on this earth to prove your value or prove your worth.

You don't need any dollar amount to prove your value or prove your worth.

You don't need any matches on Tinder to prove your value or prove your worth.

Your value and worth are shown by the fact the God of the universe, who's spoken into existence, has taken you and set you apart as his own.

Say amen.

What does it mean to live a holy life?

In 1 Thessalonians, Paul writes, he says, This is God's will, your sanctification.

That means progressively becoming more like Christ.

And remember, Jesus, he is risen, the most attractive person to ever walk the earth, your sanctification, that you keep away from sexual immorality, that each of you knows how to control his own body in holiness and honor, not with lustful passions, like the Gentiles who don't know God, for God has not called us to impurity, but to live in holiness.

And listen to how he ends this section.

Consequently, anyone who rejects this does not reject man.

Paul's writing this to the church in Thessalonica.

He's going, You don't do this.

You're not rejecting me, my teaching, my letter.

You're rejecting God, who gives you his holy spirit.

See, what helps you live a holy, set apart life is the Holy Spirit that sets you apart.

For far too many Christians, we've been brought to spiritual life, but we're still trying to walk in the death of our old life.

Especially how we manage our lives relationally, especially how we manage our lives sexually.

And scripture talks a lot about sexual holiness because it's been a pervasive human issue for as long as humans have been alive.

But sex is far from the only area we're called to be holy in.

In 1 Peter, Peter writes and says, But as the one who called you is holy, that's Jesus, you are also to be holy, not just sexually, in all of your conduct.

And that makes sense.

If the realest you find your identity in Christ, and the real you is the healthy you, then you are set up to be holy.

You are set up to be set apart.

And the question really is, is that true for your life?

If you're wanting to attract the right kind of person by being attractive yourself, are you set apart?

Does your life look different than the way the rest of the world operates?

Or are you seeking to conform to the image of the culture around you?

You see, we are holy because the Holy Spirit is inside of us.

And in Galatians chapter 5, it says, what a life looks like that is not holy.

Galatians 5 · chapter mention

Here it is, the works of the flesh are obvious.

You want to know why they're obvious?

Because they look just like the rest of the world.

A life that's not holy is obvious.

He says, sexual immorality, moral impurity, promiscuity, idolatry, sorcery, hatred, strife, jealousy, outbursts of anger, selfish ambition, dissension, factions, envy, drunkenness, carousing, and all the similar things.

The unholy life is obvious.

The holy life is set apart.

It's different.

In Galatians 5, it goes on to say, the fruit of the Spirit.

What spirit?

The Holy Spirit.

The Spirit that sets you apart.

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

You want to be attractive, not based on the world standards, but truly attractive, be holy.

You want to attract the right person, be real, and be holy.

There's one more thing.

Be real, be holy, and be driven.

When I talk about being driven, I'm not just talking about your job or your hobbies or how often you work out.

I'm talking about this deep, underlying engine at the core of you that turns every day, gets you out of bed, and gives progress and purpose to your life.

People are attracted to people who are driven.

That's true generally, but men, you need to know, women specifically are attracted to men who are driven, who have a sense of purpose and goals out in front of them.

Are you driven?

And if so, what are you driven towards?

If you're a believer in Jesus, then you have an ultimate drive that your life should be oriented towards.

Jesus was giving the Sermon on the Mount.

He was talking about all the things that people worry about.

Here's how he concluded: but seek first the kingdom of God and his righteousness.

Drive your life intently in that direction, and all these other things will be provided for you.

I had a boss for many years, and he was kind of like a wise old sage.

He had a big white Gandalf beard, you know, and he had all of these old man sayings, and I never got any of them, right?

He said this to me about five times before I understood it.

He would say, Well, you can't steer a parked car.

And he said things like that so often that I would just keep working.

Like, dude, I don't have like a dictionary for this, you know?

I don't know what you mean.

And finally, it started to make sense.

It is literally true.

If a car is parked, you cannot steer it.

You can't go left, you can't go right, can't turn around, can't change direction.

What he was saying was, you're taking too long deciding, do something.

Because once you get moving, you can change direction.

If you're parked, you can't move.

And in our culture today, so many people are parked.

And unfortunately, a lot of people have bought the lie that what they need for their life to get moving is a partner.

And as soon as they find that romantic partner, then they can start driving towards something.

And the problem with that is the longer you stay parked, the more your standards will lower.

You wanted someone who is very real and authentic, but the longer you stay parked, the more you will compromise for someone who's playing a bit of a character.

You wanted someone who is holy and pursuing the truths of God, but the longer you stay parked, the more you will be willing to have someone who compromises on their morals and ethics.

You want someone who is driven, but even that desire of someone who is driven is in order to get you to start driving, which means they are your purpose, which means they'll become your God.

And they might make a good boyfriend, girlfriend, they might make a good husband or wife.

I promise they will not make a good God for your life.

We are called to be driven.

Something to wake us up in the morning, something to get us going.

If you're a believer in Jesus, then this is what you believe.

The God who spoke the universe into existence is on a cosmic mission of the rescue and redemption of all of humanity.

And by faith in his son Jesus, you have joined that mission.

He has called you to be his ambassador on the earth, literally going out for people whose lives are on the line between heaven and hell and rescuing them from Satan himself.

If that cannot wake us up in the morning, if that cannot drive us to live a life that is real and holy and authentic and purposeful, I don't know what could.

You have the greatest mission, the clearest mission, the highest purpose of anyone on earth.

It's time to start driving towards it.

Married people, your spouse is not your purpose.

Your spouse is not what completes you.

It makes for a good movie scene.

You complete me.

It's terrible theology.

God completes you.

Your partner compliments you.

Together you drive forward and build the kingdom of God.

Colossians 3:1 says, if you've been raised with Christ, seek the things above, where Christ is, seated at the right hand of God.

Colossians 3:1

Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things.

Before you move from interested to invested.

What attracts you, some of that, the more real you become, the holier you become, the more driven you become, your attractions will actually start to change.

Some of it is preference and it's okay.

But there's gonna be way more people you are physically attracted to than there are people you should relationally invest into.

Before you move into investment.

In a romantic relationship, you need to know who the person is at the deepest level, at the level of purpose.

Do you know the real person?

And do they know the real you?

And before you can even get there, do you know the real you?

Are you with someone who is pursuing holiness?

They're gonna do this very imperfectly, because we're very imperfect people.

If you're waiting for a perfect partner, you will die alone, okay?

No perfect partners.

But is that their goal?

Do they see themselves as set apart by God?

And are they trying to live out that identity?

And are they driven?

If you are driven and they are not, they will be an anchor to your destination.

If you are not driven and you're waiting for someone who is, you will make them your purpose and you will make them your God, and they will not be able to bear the weight of that.

You get busy, you're complete in God.

If you're single, dating, you are complete in God.

You drive towards the purposes of God, and you will find someone along the way, and together you will drive and help each other, get more and more focused on your location, help each other mature more, get closer to Christ, because you're both driving, and now you're driving together, even more powerfully.

You know, there is something to physical attraction, but let me remind you: two weeks ago we saw Proverbs 31, charm is deceptive and beauty is fleeting.

It does ultimately all run out.

Uh, there are no hot 80-year-olds.

I'm sorry for any 80-year-olds.

You're handsome, you're beautiful.

The culture doesn't think you're hot, okay?

Your husband hopefully does, your wife hopefully does.

Are we dating for like long-term success?

Is that where we're going?

Are we just in the moment?

It's all fleeting.

Ultimately, we all die.

Stand before Jesus.

Will our relationships help us on that day, or will they hold us back on that day?

It's time for a more mature version of attraction.

It starts with being real and being holy and being driven and investing in others who are the same.

And if you don't know Jesus, then you're going to struggle in your earthly relationships because you haven't yet started your most important relationship.

And that is your relationship with Christ.

And Jesus is the most charismatic person to ever walk the earth.

He is the person who was the most real.

He was 100% authentic.

He was the most holy.

He was 100% holy.

He was literally perfect.

And he was perfectly driven.

And that drive is what took him to the cross.

And he went to the cross for the world.

John 3.16 says, this is how much God loved the world.

But more specifically, he went to the cross for you.

This is how much Christ loved you.

And that while we were still sinners, he came and he died for us.

And your relationship with Christ will become the bedrock that will allow you to have the relationships that you are meant to have.

But it starts with your first relationship, and that is with Christ.

And if you don't have that, then you're not yet at the starting line.

If you don't have that, today might be the day where you consider putting your faith in who Jesus is and what he did.

Would you pray with me as we close?

If you close your eyes and bow your head, there's nothing magic about that.

Just create some space.

And I want to ask you to reflect.

In your relationships, are you playing a character?

In your romantic relationships, whether you're single or married, are you putting on a facade to try and be attractive?

Are you fishing?

Trying to put out what you think will catch others' attention.

What would it look like to be real?

Maybe it starts with getting real with yourself.

Committing to some programs and processes, even right here at MetaCurch, to help you discover who you really are.

Because who you really are is beautiful.

I know that because scripture says it.

You are beautifully and wonderfully made.

You are called in scripture God's magnum opus.

The greatest thing he ever created?

Are you aspiring to holiness?

None of us are perfect.

We're all sinners.

But do you see yourself as set apart from the rest of the culture?

Or if you're honest, are you just trying to conform to the culture?

And are you driven?

Are you parked?

Purposeless, aimless?

If you are driven, are you driven towards the kingdom of God?

Or towards building your own kingdom?

And I wonder if there's anyone here who you've heard all about Jesus and you know the story, that all of us are separated from God because of our sin.

There's no way that we could live a perfect enough life to be back in relationship with God.

And so God came down to us in the person of Jesus.

He lived the perfect life that we could not.

And his death on the cross paid the price of our sins.

And all we have to do is put our faith in him.

And we are now clothed in the righteousness of Christ, which brings us back into relationship with our Heavenly Father and guarantees us eternal life.

If you're here and you've never had a moment in your life where you've put your faith in Jesus, believing he is who he says he is, and he's done what he says that he's done, and you're ready to make that decision today, with everyone's eyes closed.

Right now, I just want you to lift your hand up in the air where I can see it.

By raising a hand, you're just saying, today, amen.

I choose to put my faith in Jesus.

Amen.

Praise God.

For those who lifted a hand, I want you to know that God sees your faith and accepts it.

It's all he asks of you.

There's no hoops to jump through.

Scripture says, everyone who believes is given eternal life.

That is a promise that you have been brought from spiritual death to spiritual life.

You are a child of God and you will be until you stand one day with him in eternity.

And all I want to do is help you acknowledge the decision you made today through a simple prayer.

And so for everyone who raised a hand, I want you to pray this with me.

And I'm going to ask all the believers in the room to pray it with us as well.

Let's pray this.

Jesus, today I choose to put my faith in you.

I believe you are God that you died for my sins and rose from the grave.

I thank you for loving me and forgiving my sins.

Now let me pray over you.

Jesus, we just continue to thank you.

Holy Spirit, you're here and you're moving, and it's evident because every Sunday people are coming into your kingdom.

Every Sunday, lives are being made new.

I thank you for those who put their faith in you today, Jesus.

And I pray that today would be the start of an adventure of finding out what it means to follow you into a life of purpose and power and significance.

God, I pray for all of us, for our relationships, that we would reject the lies of culture and cling tight to the truths in your word and allow you to sanctify our relationships into what you created them to be.

We love you.

We pray these things in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Thanks so much for listening to the message today.

If this was helpful to you and you want to help us get the word out, you can subscribe to this podcast.

You can rate and review or share it with your friends.

If you want to get connected further with what MetaCurch is doing, you can go online to metachurch.tv.

There you can learn how to take next steps.

You can learn where our different venues are at if you ever wanted to visit.

And you can also give financially to help push this movement forward.

Man, I love you guys and I hope you have a great rest of your day.