Embracing our Belovedness
 | Dr Goh Chee Leong

You're listening to a message to go from as church. We hope this message

will light up your day. I want to begin with a story. So

there was a time in Jesus ministry where a teacher of the Law came up

to Jesus and ask him the question what do I need to do to be

saved? In some translations they say what do I need to do to inherit

eternal life? Right? And Jesus said, well, you're the teacher of

the law. What does the law say? And the man said, well,

the lawses love the Lord your God with all your heart and all your

soul and all your mind. And what was the second? I mean,

you know this, this is a very famous message, right, second was

laugh your neighbor as yourself. This passage is very central, So, I

mean, for whether it's it's church leaders, pastors doing theology, it's something

that we teach a lot about in Bible's study in cell groups, New Christians,

Free Christians, because this particular passage encapsulates in a sense, the whole

of Christian theology. You know, what does it mean to be a Christian?

Right? What does it mean to be a Christian? And it underlines

the fact that you know, our faith is so different from other religions,

other beliefs, right in a sense that it's it's not a set of rules,

la Right. So Jesus answer wasn't well to be saved, to be

a Christian, do these fifty things. It wasn't rituals. It wasn't you

know this or that. It was about relationships. A relationship with God,

love the Lord your God. Relationship with other people, love your neighbors,

you know. And in fact, that passage and goes on to then talk

about the parable of the good Samarity, in which most of us know,

right, the good Samaritan which helped the poor man that was injured on the

road, even though it was a different race, different religion, different nationality,

right, Right, that man took time to actually sit down, you

know, and and and wait and and and meet the needs of that man.

But there's a third relationship that many of us miss out on. So

when we teach this passage, and I've been guilty of this as well,

when we focus on this passage, we draw out the first two relationships,

So love God, love others, but the third part is love yourself.

Right, Because that passage in terms of the second sentence is translated love your

neighbors as you love yourself. And perhaps that's what's missing sometimes in our own

Christian teaching and our life, that we are so focused about, you know,

doing things for others, you know, so loving God. How do

I love God? I worship God, I serve God. I'm in ministry,

you know, how do I help others? And those two things are

really important, you know, but the third perhaps we neglect. And so

that's why today, you know, and when Pastor Kenneth and Sandra asked me

what I would like to share on this was the topic I picked. This

is something that I feel deeply that God wants to share with all of us.

This is Christian Church here in Malaysia. How do we relate to ourselves?

So self esteem, self worth? That's really that the commandment right,

loving ourselves. So let me start. Now, let me start, you

know, I I it was interesting. I didn't expect, but I bumped

in some of my former psychologies didn't here, you know, I should,

I should ask them and for definitions again, so I'm going to pick on

them. Sitting in the same rules among very convenient or excellent. Okay,

anyway, I'm not going to pick on them, but but look those of

them who know how you know, usually psychology electors. We start basic definitions,

so let's start in next lightner, Let's start by outlining what we're talking

about. Right, So self esteem, Yeah, so self esteem really refers

to how I feel about myself. Right, So self esteem high self esteem

means I feel good about myself. Low self esteem means I don't like myself

today very much, all right. And self esteem is related to a few

other concepts. So let's let's put out the other words as well. Right,

So next self worth? How I value myself? Do I value my

self as high? Low? All right? It's got to do with next,

you know, identity, How do I define who I am? And

look, all of us have different what we call social identity. So if

if somebody were to ask me, who are you are Chilium, who is

go Chileng? I mean there's a very complex question to answer, I may

say, well, Go Chileng is a man, all right, So I

can attend X men all right, you know sports, all right, I

belong to that that male group. Okay, I can say, well,

go ChIL Young, it's a Malaysian maybe nationality, I can say, go

Chilean went through Methodist Boys school, kl right, your former school, your

favorite football team, all right, Go Chilean supports whatever it is Newcastle,

Liverpool, Manchester United all right, PARAFC all right? You know your interests

right? What university you graduated from your career, Go Chileng is in education,

right, Go Chileng teachers psychology? Right? So I mean that's identity

la right. We many many different things make up who we are. How

we define ourselves right. So whether it's as a father, a son,

brother, husband, wife, all right, all of this makes up our

identity right And next right, self esteem also relates to what extent I accept

myself, Okay, And next right, self perception, How I perceive myself?

Next, how I value myself? So you put all this together,

all right, Roja, oh together? I think this is what we're talking

about. So it's my relationship to myself. It's how I see myself,

how I define myself, how I value myself, how I feel about myself.

And so today I wanted to talk about this because this is important.

You know, self esteem, self worth affects a lot of other things in

our lives. So if you go to the next light, all right.

You know, it impacts on other areas of our life, right, So

next, for example, it impacts on our emotions. How you feel that

day, you know, I mean, if something happens at work or at

home that makes you feel lousy about yourself. So for example, you know,

I didn't mean my target or whatever it is. So I'm feeling that

maybe I'm not a very good leader, maybe I'm not a very good sales

person, maybe I'm maybe I'm not very good at my job. And then

you come back and your emotions are impacted, right, So I'm not feeling

very good that day. Maybe I'm in a bad mood. I mean,

all of us go through these moods, mood and a lot of these mood

swings that we experience. We feel good, we feel bad, we feel

happy. Feels that A lot of it is linked to my self esteem at

that time, right, which means how I see myself at that particular moment

sometimes, you know, reflects or sometimes leads to how I how I feel

on that day, whether I'm in a bad or a good mood. So,

I mean, you've all experienced the phenomena. You come back from work,

you don't know what happened at work. You're right, so you could

be a good thing. You know, got bonus, boss, praise you,

mat tal gets you come back. Wow. You know, whole family

is happy. You're happy. You know, the whole mood in the house

changes, right, And then the opposite also is true. Now right when

you have a bad day, bad day at work, come in. You

know some of those of you have been you know your children. Now you

know what when your father, mother come back from work, they're in a

bad mood. You know, every the whole house is a bit quieted.

Whole mood changes, right, So so it could be emotions right next right,

it certainly affects mental health. And I was just remarking the morning session,

how I'm very pleased by the fact that now among churches, among Christians,

it's it's more it's easier now to talk about mental health. Maybe because

MCO MCO, A lot of people started talking about mental health, right,

stress, you know, issues of suicide, you know, depression, things

like that, which is a good thing that it's no longer a taboo subject.

Just this Wednesday, last Wednesday, I was giving a m It was

a counseling workshop for pastors. We had about one hundred pastors from different churches

and I my session was on stress management, How how to help pastors with

stress management because hey, by the way, past this needs your supportner.

Past Us you know, can be just like any leadership position, it can

be a very lonely job. Sometimes you feel very isolated. Not easy,

you know pastors, you know, when they have their own struggles and feelings,

not so easy for them to go and share with church members because sometimes

church members expect your pastor to be perfect, which we are not, you

know, and it's difficult. So so we were having that session and I

was just telling them that was in Glad Tidings that you know, I remember

in like eighteen years ago, the first counseling session we you know, training

we gave to past This was also in the old Glad Tidings in Jalan Gassing

and how we've come full circle. And at that time, it was so

difficult to get whether it's past us or even churches to talk about mental health

because at that time it was so taboo. People say, oh mental health,

no, no, no, no no. You know, Christians who

have strong faith should not have mental health issues. That was the thinking at

that time, your mental health issue means hey, either your backsliding or something

is wrong in your faith or your living in sin or don't know what is

going on, right, you know, And so nobody dad bring it up.

I mean, let alone pasted us to actually share it. By the

way, I'm going through depression. I'm going through stress. I'm having panning

attacks five minutes before I give this sermon every Sunday, I'm having a panning

attack, you know, because I got a social phobia. I'm not sure

whether the congregation want to listen to me or not? Right, and how

to talk about this? You know, pastors say this, people will say

what's wrong with you? Man? No favor right and let alone congregation members.

So so I think it's could be evolved, you know, to the

point where we say, look, it's just like I mean, when you're

sick, you break your leg, you go and see a doctor. Nobody

says you don't have faith, right, you know, I mean, right,

if you've got you know, you've got a serious illness, you've got

COVID nineteen. I go to the hospital, Nobody accuses me of Hey,

you know, come on, man, you know what what's wrong with you.

As a Christian, it's seen as I need help and I need to

get support, you know, And of course I'm praying, you know,

I believe God will pull me through, and I believe God will send me

the right doctor to actually help me through this, through this situation. So

in the same way, right, I'm glad. I mean, the event

on Wednesday was actually the National Association for Christian Councilors that the Christian mental health

people and psychologists have come together and say, hey, look, it's all

right. You know, it's all right to get counseling, mental health therapy,

you know, just like or marriage counseling if I need it, or

if I have a problematic relationship with my children and I don't know what to

do and I need help, or I've got anger issues, I've got addiction

issues, you know. So whether it's it's Internet addiction, or whether it's

poor an addiction, or whether it's alcoholism, you know that, hey,

I've got an issue, and just like a medical issue, I want to

work this out right, you know, I need somebody to to process this

with me. So anyway, coming back to this, self esteem certainly affects

mental health, right A lot of things, whether it's depression, whether it's

it's addiction issues. The root cause of it is I just don't like myself

love right, And when I don't like myself, I don't value myself.

I feel very insecure, very worried about who I am as a person.

It sometimes may lead to some of these other issues like depression, like suicide,

ideation, like you know, having forming an addiction like being very bitter

and angry towards a lot of different people. Right, So that leads me

to the next point, right, which self esteem issues also impact relationships and

any relationship, whether it's with my staff, my colleagues, my church members,

certainly family members that are close to it, so you know, husband

and wife relationships. When we do marriage counseling, pre marriage counseling, this

issue comes up a lot of the timeline, right, a lot of the

conflict tension, you know, when you trace it or where does this come

from? Why are we so angry at one another? Why did I shout

at you? You know? Why did I suddenly lose my temper the other

day? Sometimes not all the time. Sometimes the issue may be how I

see myself, you know, So maybe the reason why I'm so jealous and

so suspicious that it are you cheating on me? And hunt are you going

to leave me for somebody else? Is because I don't feel I'm worthy of

love. You know, I don't feel I'm attractive enough. I don't feel

that you can love me, that you know you that that I'm somebody that

you know is able to keep you as my husband or wife. I feel

that I'm inferior to other people, So anybody else in the room, I

feel jealous, right, you know, So it could be me. It

could be me that is feeling that we're all jealousy. You know, when

when I feel, oh, you know, let's say my wife is earning

more than me, my wife is taking off in her career, she's becoming

very successful. Then as a guy, right, you know, I feel

I feel threatened because then I feel my identity as a man. You know,

I'm not a real man. I'm not a real husband, a real

father because I'm not the main income earner in the family. And by the

way I mean, we live in a world where that's quite commoner. By

the way I mean, I go to my university now I'm in sixty percent

of our students are females forty percent males. The females already taking over higher

education now, right, you know, and and and jobs a company,

A lot of companies now are dominated by women. I'm nothing wrong with that,

you know. So so a lot of guys are having to now say,

hey, I'm the one supporting you, you know, how do I

support you in my career? In your career? Right? But but to

do that, that's a ego swallowing exerciser, right, isn't it, you

know? Because I mean you may want to do it. I love my

wife, but then go bank our own relative star, all the friends,

hey you, Hey, you're a real man and not you know, you

know, all the you know, futsal groups, copy or sessions, if

all the other guys, your former classmates, Hey, what's wrong? Hey?

Come on, man, you're a real guy. So after a while

you also okay, okay, okay, okay. Right. But but the

idea of it, it's it stems from myself a stimula. Right, So

how secure I feel right as a man, as a woman, as a

husband of other will determine how I relate to other people in my life.

Same thing with children, one, you know, so so many times.

You know, we we the reason why we you know, we pressure our

children. I mean during the break we're talking to a few a few parents

and they say, yeah, a lot of pressure, especially Asian families.

Who are we really put a lot of pressure in our children? Better?

Do this? Better? Are you a straight astidin? Are you How many

instruments can you play? Can you do this? Can you do that?

And there's a lot of pressure. And when you ask where does that pressure

come from? I mean I'm a child development to a psychologists, and so

I'm the one giving all this parenting talks, right, Not that I'm a

perfect parent myself, you know, but but the idea that the pressure comes

often from again our our our insecurity about who we are as parents. Right,

So whether it is you know, I'm living my dreams through my children.

You know, all the things I couldn't do, my children do right,

So I couldn't go to university, so my child has to go to

university. I you know, had no chance to learn the piano. So

all my children better learn the piano. You know, I didn't have charged

all of this stuff like you know, piano sports, you know, I

mean I would never say like nowadays with the gen Y parents. I mean,

I think many of your gen Y parents gen x is already too late

like me gen Y gen Z parents. I mean, I would never imagine,

you know, hearing the line like hey, I have to force my

son to play football on satterday, force them to go my son don't want

to go to football. Forced them right, because I put them in some

cleaning, you know, because again it's it's it's a remnant of esla all

the things we could because when I was growing up, my parents never let

me play football, made me study. But now as this super dad,

see see, I give you this opportunity the fun fun quickly have fun,

you know, don't want right? No you and same thing. I mean,

maybe the moms will be ballet and do ballet right, and do me

all this stuff that you know I never had a chance to im I'm not

making fun. I mean, please play football all right, let them do

music. All of this is good holistic development for your children. I'm not

making fun of us as parents for doing this, but it's about the motifla

right you know am I am? I really doing this because I think my

children will love it. You know, it's going to help them enjoy life.

You know, it's going to help them grow and develop, you know,

Or am I doing it because I've got some self identity issue because I'm

nervous about myself and I don't feel I'm enough. So my children need to

complete me, right right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, thank you very

Jerry Maguire references you complete me. But that kind of thing like right,

only the older generation center, those who know, those who even recognize Jerry

Maguire, we know what age but anyway, anyway, So so I think

this is this important to so whether it's a marriage, whether it's parenting,

we need to be careful. Right. So a lot of times our my

low self esteem can impact on this. It can start to muddy the relationships

I have with other people because I may not understand a lot of these that

I'm sharing are unconscious. But I mean, we are not doing things to

purposely go and make our children's suffer or make our husband and white suffer.

We don't understand. But that's why I'm sharing this with you. Like you

know, a lot of this is unconscious. You know, these are instincts

that are driving us because I may have this insecurities that that is pushing me

in that direction. So so we need to understand, right, I mean,

and lastly, it affects our relationship with our God. And this is

something I'll come to later. I mean, if I feel unworthy of God's

love, so I come, you know, beautiful led worship. Thank you

so much, worship team. And we are talking about you know, Pastor

Sandra talks about God's banner over me is love. You know, every week

we come and sing songs about celebrating the grace and the compassion of God,

you know, demonstrate it to his son's Christ, right, I mean the

gospel message that we are redeemed true Him. But I mean, you know

we hear this, we hear this, we hear this. I mean sometimes

it's in our head. The reason why it doesn't pity our we can't integrate,

we can't you know, we can't embrace this message is because maybe we

feel unworthy. Let right, it's a self esteem issue. I just don't

feel that God can love somebody like me, not me, you know.

And and so we may know the doctrine, the theology, yes, okay,

John Tree sixteen, God so loved the world. You know, we

know this stuff. But perhaps we don't experience this in our lives because we

don't feel worthy of that love, all right. So my message here is

that self esteem is an important thing because it affects so many other parts of

our lives and existence. When when I don't accept myself, when I don't

love myself, you find that that the domino start to fall. My relationship

with others, my work, my career decisions are making in my life,

my mood and emotions every day, and even my work with God. So

this morning I wanted to share some thoughts about how does a Christian approach this?

Right? So, as Christians, how do we deal with self esteem

and self work? What is the you know, what are the right and

the wrong ways to see self esteem and self work? So let's start with

a passage, Right, let's go to the next line, and for this

I'm going to look at Matthew Flora, the story we all know well,

which is the Temptations of Christ. So, as you know, at the

beginning of jesus ministry, before his public ministry, meaning before he went out

there and really started preaching to the masses and doing miracles, right, there

was a period of time in preparation for ministry where Jesus was led out to

the wilderness. If you remember that story, many days he was fasting,

he was all alone, in a sense, in communion with God. And

after that period he was led back. And there were three temptations. Right,

the devil actually approached him with three temptations. So let's go number one,

right, temptation number one. Devil knew he was, you know,

hungry this fast fasting month. So we can understand, right, many days

he had not eaten. Devil says to Jesus, well, if you are

the son of God, turn this stones into break. You can do it.

But so do it, all right? And so the first temptation next

night, all right. The first temptation, in terms of how we see

our self identity and self worth is what we do we when we reduce our

identity to what we can do, our accomplishments, our achievements, that's the

first temptation. And look, we do this all the time, you know,

I mean, look, I do this all the time. We always

make the mistake, you know, when we meet one another, you know,

the question is what you do? What are you doing? Right,

It's a career question. Are you working, do you have your own company,

are you at home? Are you you know? What? What is

it you're doing? Right? So this becomes run of the mill. I

mean nothing wrong, It's it's an innocent conversation, but that's reflective of how

we define each other. So when you're there your high school reunion or your

university reunion or whatever it is, and you're catching up, if everybody,

what do you think they're talking about? What are people talking? I mean

they're not talking about, you know, church ministry, or they're talking about

what are you doing? Where are you living? Right? What are you

doing? What have you done? Our bio data? Right? So so

when Pasta, Kenneth and Sandra say, chillong, send is the baio data?

I'm not going to send them. Well, you know, I'm a

Manchester United fan. I like watching movies, you know I you know I

correct, I enjoy you know, walks in the park. Correct. What

I send them is say what am I doing? Oh, I'm a deputy

group CEO for this education company. I've done this, I've done the had

twenty five years in education. That's how we see. I was houseman.

Okay, it's a collection of things I have done. Now, nothing wrong

I'm not saying after this sermon, therefore, hey, quit your job straight

away, everybody. All right, that's the message, go back, do

whatever you want, lays around until the second coming. That's not the message.

I mean. I still am passionate about what I love education, I

love being in mystery. But my point is, go Chileng is not reduced

to a career, is it. You know who I am as a person.

My worth as a person is not because of old Show me what have

you done? What are the accomplishments? What kingdoms have you built or conquered?

How big is your company? Do you take a company from fifty million

to five hundred million? All right, this is corporates being I mean those

of you in the corporate world will understand. Have you met your KPIs.

Are you considered a youngster in your company? Were you the younger CEO?

You know that kind of thing? Yeah so so. I mean, look,

nothing wrong with being driven about work right, or loving work, or

being passionate about your career, or being very serious about, you know,

working hard in your company. I mean I'm a passionate worker. People who

know me, work with me, know that I am very energetic and passionate

and driven. But I've long learned that my worth as a person it's not

connected to those achievements. It's not connected to those achievements. So at the

end of the day, when I on my death bed about to pass on

to the second life, you say, I'm moving from this side of heaven

to that real heaven. You know, I'm not looking back and thinking about,

Okay, have I met my checklist? Off? Have I done enough?

Or not? Have I accomplished enough in my life? That's not the

way we define who we are. And it's not just in the corporate world,

by the way, or the secular it's in ministry as well, right

this morning, or Sherry, all of us who are involved in Christian ministry

is the same thing. Sometimes there's this temptation to measure in terms of like

what have you done? Now? Am I effective? That's why on Wednesday

or that was why I was talking about all of us are under a lot

of pressure as past us. Is the same thing. Sometimes we have KPI.

Sometimes we are all this internal pressure we put on ourselves. Have we

achieved our thou yet? Yet? How come the congregations five hundred yet?

Because in the vision retreat three years ago. We said we already wanted this,

and what about how come the only forty cur groups not one hundred cell

groups, and you know, all of this stuff, and we are,

you know, we are thinking, hey, maybe I'm just not good enough

in my job, right, maybe I've just not maybe I need to work

hunder you know. Last year I just turned fifty, all right, you

know, and we say midlife crisis. That's about the midlife crisis period forty

five to fifty LA, right, where you reach about fourty five fifty typically.

I mean it's not textbook. I mean some of you may do it

earlier, right older, but this is a stage in life where you wake

up one day and you realize, hey, more than half of my life

is gone, right, because when you're twenty and you're teenager, you think

you're gonna live forever. Right, that's sort of the That's why I work

with university students my whole life. I love it because they think they are

in mortal and all right, you know these guys are indestructible, immoral.

That's why he rubs off a bit on me. Yes, let's do it.

Then after twenty five thirty, after going through don't know how many storms

in your life thirty five. You're not so optimistic anymore already, Right,

it's no longer that you realize the realities of life, Right, Sandra,

we're talking about once the first baby arrives and the second baby arrives, and

then all the indestructibility is it? Just let me have some sleep or hey,

don't talk about forget career goals aspiration? Please? Yes? Can I

have three hours of sleep today? Right? Then our vulnerability comes all these

day I'm gonna conquer. I'm Alexander the grade, I'm you know, but

but look at forty fifties. So midlife crisis is when you know, you

wake up one day and you realize it half my life is gone, and

actually, what is it about? You know? What am I doing?

And the temptation sometimes is have I done enough? Have I achieved enough?

In my life? And we tend to compare ourselves to others. This we

call it the high school reunion or the university reunion phenomena. Right then that's

where we go back like is it earlier? And then we are comparing I

mean thinking, oh my goodness, I'm so far behind. Man, these

people has done this, This willar build a billion dollar company in this villar.

You know, did an NGO that is saving millions of lives every day

and this person is doing this. Disability is doing that and you're looking at

go chilla, I've done nothing, all right, just survive. So that's

the first temptation when we reduce my self identity to what I can do or

what I'm doing or what I have done. And this this reflects ability as

well, you know, and and we say, look in an organization,

in a business, you know, it's it's it's natural in a sense to

judge people based on ability. Can you do it in it? It's like

a sports team, right I'm the coach of Liverpool Manchester United. Hey,

I'm choosing my eleven. Only eleven players can play that day. You cannot

have thirty players on the field, so I have to choose the best eleven.

Right now, that's always tough because you have to cut sit in people.

And that's all based on merit. For this particular American, this defender

covered that player, this striker is he and con you know. So you

live in a world where whether it's business, organizations, sports, it's based

on your value. Is based on what can you do that right? Can

you do the job or not you can't do the job, then you cannot

be in this team. Right now, we sort of understand that it's sports

team only eleven. I think the issue is when therefore my whole identity is

reduced to what my abilities are. Now that's the problem. So again,

I'm not saying if you're a coach of a sports team, no need to

select based on ability, just choose by alphabetic order. You know, that's

a problem. You probably won't keep your job in the sport steamer right,

or if you're CEO of a company, And I'm not saying, okay,

I just high it doesn't matter when whether they do work or not. I'm

not saying that because I mean, even in my position as a leader over

the last you know, I've been CEO for the last ten years, I've

had to I've had to fire people, I've had to retrench stuff, I've

had to add that difficult conversation to say, look, I don't think you're

right for this position. You know, we can't. We've tried, we've

coached, we help you, all right, We've given time, but look

like, really can't you know because if if you can't do this, there

are five six others that that depend on this, and when you don't pull

your weight here, the whole teamer. You know, basically everybody else is

going to So so look, let me help you. We'll find you something

else, whether it's in the company or outside. I mean, I've made

it my practice whenever I do that, I will help you place. I'll

write the recommendation letter, I'll fix you up with other companies. But let

me find you something that is suitable for you, like maybe this is not

a fit for your talent, right, So difficult conversation now, it's never

easy, I mean, because of course it's very personal. The person is

losing their lifeield I mean, it's not a conversation I enjoy having. But

my point is, I mean, whether so in my life going through the

same thing, whether I'm hired, whether I'm fired, you know, whether

I'm put in a position of leadership, removed from position of leaderships. All

of us have had that now, I mean, no career, it's always

just victories. You go through victories, you go through losses. Anybody in

business or leadership will I've experienced that. You win, you lose, good

days, bad days. But my point is the bad day. So even

if I'm removed, even if I'm retrenched, even if I'm told to Chilean,

You're not the right leader for this type. I need to you know,

you need to step beside and somebody else needs to come in your place.

I need the way I accept that without me killing or destroying myself is

to say, yeah, that's the job. Now. You know, that's

not my identity as go Chilia. You see, you know I don't equate

who I am as a person with maybe what's happening in my job more Corey,

because that, like I said, good days, bad days, football

player, all football players or so at one time, I'm going to be

dropped any athlete, any spot, any even the best superstars in the world

at some point, I mean you just for this read Ronaldo and Messy story.

Even the greatest in the world. At some point the coach is going

to sit down and say, look, your legend, but I cannot play

you today. Yeah, somebody, this is a team spot. Somebody else

in the squat needs to be given the opportunity, right, isn't it.

You know, even the best, most successful in the world will have to

go through that time, all of us, I can tell you, including

myself many many times, Oh my goodness, disappointments, setbacks, step best

side, the step best side, peach, be a team player speech,

heard it many times. So again the message today is not don't work,

you know, I mean, of course we have to work, try our

best, but look, careers, work, you go up and down on

it. My identity needs to be secure and stable. And so this temptation

about equating who I am with what I can do at that moment or what

I've done in the past, that's building on the standard. You're building your

self identity foundation on very shaky ground because it comes in and now I mean

on that notna since I talked acute me on talking about sports athletes. Sports

is incredibly a good example for this because in most physical sports there's a sunset

period when sometimes in business people can go into ninety and still do it.

Sports is difficult sports. I mean, you know, even if you're superstarlight

right now, there at some point beyond thirty thirty five old that in most

spots, you know, you can't keep up with the younger people already.

And when you look at all these athletes, you know, I mean,

I'm a sports bart so I read all of these. You go to my

house, there's a whole shelf of sports books. Autobiograph runners, LA,

basketball players LA. You know, I'm really into spots. Most of these

stories. The most difficult part of their autobiography is after retirement, because when

so much of the identities are getting the gold medal. Right, So the

first part of the story is very inspiration. I'm fighting. I'm working hard

from twelve years old, fifteen years old, right, working their way train

like crazy, sacrifice everything, you know, do this, do that every

day, seven eight hours Nicole David kind of story, real rights. And

then finally yes, I'm one number one, right, Oh, I've got

the first Malaysian gold medal in the Olympics. Yes, and then we call

that the climatic crescendo at that stage here, right. But then after that,

after the gold medal, there's still alive, you know, most of

them only like twenty five thirty, and that's where they drop up. Because

if my whole identity is Chillon go medalists. So once in a while I

can thick out the gold medal, LA and look at it and feel it

and touch it. But my whole life cannot be defined as the gold medals,

you know, right, isn't it? And and many of us are

so go through that and maybe we are not go medalist la, but we

hit these peaks. Isn't it career goals? We hit it. Yes,

I've done it. I'm the CEO. Now I'm this, I'm that,

I've got my own company. And then you know, it's what happens later,

right, because there's always eventually, it's that's not the other side of

the mountain. When you come you and you climb the mountain, you have

to come down. And that's the part we struggle with. That's why athletes

I think very profound stories because many of them go through depression, hey v

depression. Many of them have huge mental health issues. Many of them are

i mean die brokenw you know, divorce broke, you know, isolate everybody

because it's such angry life. There's such a bitterness once the glory days are

over. You know that they can't. I mean, of course, many

of them have lived very successful lives. I mean, many of them have

successful transitions, but I'm talking about that's a percentage like that really, you

know, because my identity is I was the tennis player. I was the

batman. That was it. That was every you know, So how public

knew me for that? And that's how I know myself what I can do.

And so the moment I'm slower, I'm you know, less strong?

Who am I? I'm nobody? All right? Next second temptation, thanks,

was when the devil then took Jesus up right to this high place,

the temple, and it's remarking that's a public place right in the middle of

Jerusalem town square. So that's like taking you to hey, kocc Twin Towers

on Sunday afternoon, thousands of people below in the park, and the Satan

says, you are the son of God. Throw yourself down because we know

the angels will save you. So this is like, you know, I

mean, this is the TikTok viral moment, right, isn't it In today's

society, it's going to go viral man and Jesus at that time was not

known, and don't forget, he had not started his public ministry yet.

So the temptation was you do this, everybody well, respect and fear you,

right, So thanks. Next light, So the second temptation. How

we define our self esteem and self worth is what other people think about this?

Do people like this? Are we popular? You know? Are we

instagramable? How many lights do we have on Facebook? So, I mean

the younger generation, that's the thing, right, that's the pressure. Why

aren't my friends, you know, why aren't they liking me, clicking me,

doing this, reading my story? You know? One of the most

cruel forms of bullying, right, I remember doing bullying projects with Uniseth many

years ago. One of the most common and cruel forms of bullying is social

booling. It's not physically punching people. It's it's through the web or the

internet or what excluding people. Right, it's O this new kid, Okay,

nobody said with them, Nobody friend them, nobody invite them to the

birthday party. Right, you have all these sad stories about they invited everybody

nobody turns up at their birthday. Yeah, all that so that that power

of exclusion. We don't like you, we don't friend you. I mean

that was when we grow up. You don't friend you anymore. Oh,

that was the that was the trend, you know, Yeah, worse than

getting punched. And it's true, you know, when we when we talked

to some of these kids, some of them driven to the virtual suicide.

Now, these teenagers that have been horribly bullied socially by the whole gang.

Man some of the comments who say, look, I rather they punched me,

man, because at least I can see, I can feel the physical

pain. But the fact that I'm nobody in the school, I've no friends,

I'm all alone, nobody likes me. You know, this is such

a powerful thing in our life. It's not just for children, of course,

it's for adults, you know, leaders, many of us. The

weakness we have as leaders is we want to be liked. We want our

staff to likeness, We want our team members to like I mean this normal.

Am not making fun of this? Of course, the who doesn't want

to be like Who wants to be the most unpopular leader? Who wants to

be the hated leader? Right? Everybody wants to be the superstar that walks

in, right. Everybody wants to be the whatever it is, the Steve

Jobs or the you know the Okay, I don't think Elon Musk is very

popular, so maybe I won't use it. I mean, he went and

fired half the staff right after taking over to it. But you know,

we want to be the jackman that comes in and plicks the rocks on and

wow, everybody, this is the coolest leader in the world. Well done,

go Chilean. Right, I mean that's the fantasy, right, Yes,

you see this guy. I love my leader. I mean it's the

count of leadership now that's becoming popular. We all want to be this,

you know, cool leaders that everybody love. But I mean one of the

I can tell you leadership one oh one when we train leaders, as you

say, the one show way to fail as a leader is want to be

popular. Right. If that's your driving motivation, you're setting yourself up for

failure because you won't dare to make any unpopular decision. You don't want to

confront staff, your your motive every day. The way you make decisions is

how can I be like? How can I be like? And these leaders

are the most easy to manipulate and by by teams. You know, it's

so so we say that's a temptation for us as well, for adults.

So, whether it's in leadership, in ministry, leadership in the secular world,

in any organization, but generally in lifeline, you know, it's not

just with staff or organizations, it's with everybody. You know, we we

we define ourselves the way the world defines this. So when people say you're

not good, you're not attractive, all right, you're not instagram worthy,

not worthy of our attention. You know, you're not not very interesting.

We internalize these beliefs to ourselves. So then I also start to be your

Maybe I'm also nothing. The fact that nobody is interested in me, you

know, no, so okay, nothing, all right? And and and

this this is a cruel way of defining worth. I want to say,

Okay, I let me just do a quick segway here. You know,

this pertains to both I think point number one, number two. Point number

one being what we do. Point number two how other people see is so

for example, and some of you may have experienced this, you know,

we talked about, you know, when when we meet each other and people

ask you, you know, what are you doing? And and some among

us say, well, I've chosen to be at home. I've chosen to

be a housewife or a house husband. And there's almost you know, in

many societies, there's so much pressure that some people, guys or girls feel

or months an embarrassment to say that now because of this, because of the

pressure society puts on right, Hey, look, you know you cannot work,

man, don't have a career. You know, there's something wrong with

us. And by the way, I mean, I say how husband or

wiver, because actually it could be either. You know. Now there's a

small growing movement of husband's who have decided here, I stay behind, my

wife will support you know, so so either way, I think that's part

of it. Love. We we care about what other people think. Is

so we're not thinking is this the best thing for my family or myself?

Is this Why where I feel God calling me to? Or am I more

worried about other people laugh at me? Yeah? What what what will I

say if I go to the union? I don't want to go reunively reunion

anymore. I don't want to be with my friends anymore because I see their

eyes, you know, of disappointment at ah, you know, and everybody's

quite nice, but you know, very condescending tone towards me, right,

that kind of you know, super irritating, you know, Oh you know,

okay, what a waste, right, you know kind of thing.

Indeed, why why why is it a waste. You know this is a

choice I've made. Are you saying this is not less important than running a

billion dollar company? Right? Where do you think, oh, the children

of your billion dollar company? People are right? You know what I mean?

Who do you think? Who do you think he raises your staff that

actually give you the billion dollars? You know you think they are raised parronless?

All right? You know who is the one raising them? Right?

But but it comes acted a third temptation right next the devil takes Jesus up

to the high mountain right, shows him everything right, and says, if

you bow down and worship me, all of these will be yours. The

third temptation next night. Yeah, how we define ourselves is in terms of

what we have, our possessions. So this is the third temptation. What

we have. You know that I'm very My value is very high. My

worth is very high because my money value I've got you know, my net

worth is ten billion dollars. So I'm worthy a right, I'm you know.

Put me in the cover of Fortune magazine interview me, asked me about

life, asked me about everything, including my parenting style, all that because

a ten billion dollars guide must be something, right, isn't it? I

must know something the rest of you don't know. I must be smartered,

more capable. Who says, you know, when did value and fortune be

equated with how good you are as a person? Since when what was was?

Was that a measure? Right? So? This, this is another

thing? So how we have? So whether you know cars? How is

this? And that? You know? How many? How big is my

kingdom? And it may not just be personal possessions? It could be actually

my company, my church? You know? How big? Have I built

this too? So that I can be you know, like Alexander the grade

that that comes out of you know, the palace and oversees my kingdom and

goes, look at the extent of my kingdom? Now, how great am

I? Right? So the third temptation next line? Right, So when

you put these tree together, these are building on sand. Now, when

our self esteem and self identity are built on these three things, what I

can do? What other people think about me, whether they like me or

don't like me, And what I have I'm saying, my friends, then

your identity and self esteem, you're building the sand castle. On the end

you come, you'll go and in the end of the day, all of

it will be gone because you can't take it with you. By the way,

all of these things are fleeting, and that may explain why my self

identity is so insecure, so fragile, you know, so fragile. Something

happened in life, and then I don't feel good about myself already because these

things, like I say, are transitory. So if I'm saying no,

right, next line, no, this is not how as Christians we should

define ourselves, then what is the answer? So we shift from these three

things to what right? And the answer is actually in the chapter before.

So going back to jesus story before he was led out to be tempted in

Matthew chapter three, we actually have the story of jesus baptism. So this

was recalling he goes, meets John the Baptist, all right, you know,

and and he has this amazing encounter, right, so I read from

verse sixteen he had been baptised. Jesus came up and behold, the heavens

will open to him. And he saw the Spirit of God descending like a

deaf and a lighting upon him. And suddenly a voice came from heaven saying,

this is my beloved son in whom I'm well please. And really that's

the message. That's it. You take one thing away from today's session,

that's it self esteem, self identity. Who am I? I am the

beloved child of God and that's the truth. So rather than building on what

can I cheat, what my accomplishments and myself made man, I've done all

of this is to say, no, who I am gold Chilean is the

child of God and everything else is insignificant. Now again, I'm not the

message. It is not. Therefore, Hey, knowing your work, like

I say, I'm passionate about work, but I'm passionate not because I'm afraid

of it building a legacy, man, because I'm afraid people forget me.

I'm afraid people will judge me, that you're going to be a failure in

life, you're nothing in your life. It's not that fear that drives me.

So for example, in my work, I love it because I want

to serve people. I've got a responsibility to look after my two thousand staff.

I've got responsibility to look after my ten thousand students and their future and

how can I help them be successful in the future in their lives help them

grow as people. So that's the that's the you know, that's the that's

the drive, that's the energy, right, you know the same thing for

whether it's it's relationships, you know, so of course I should have really,

I mean, I love my children, I love my wife and husband.

But again, the driving force behind those relationships are not that, Oh

am I a good enough husband and that what else do I need to do

compared to all of the other superhero husbands that have date night every second night

and you know, buy flowers every day. And I'm thinking, what a

lousy guy I am, all right, because I see this as a competition.

Okay, my Instagram page doesn't have enough photos of me and my wife?

Again, how do I load fifty? Now? So that the whole

old thing that, oh, this is the father of the year, this

is the most romantic husband. So it's not that this isn't it. That's

crazy. You're building on sand. You know. I have nothing to do,

no need to prove anything to anybody, right, I'm a beloved child

of God. That's my identity. I want to spend time my wife because

I love my wife, right, It's not because I'm trying to prove myself.

You understand in that. So it's not about it. Don't take effort,

don't care. That's not the message. It's that what drives is therefore

is love second commandment, loving other people. That's why we are so passionate

about our work, because we're in a joint where we are serving people,

helping people, being a leader, serving leader for people. That's why we

are good husbands, good parents because we love our children, not because I'm

trying to, like I say, you know, feel a gaper because I

feel so insecure about who go to is right about who I am. So

it's living a life not driven by fear, not driven by this sense that

I'm never enough and therefore what else can I do? What other mountain can

I conquer? Before I feel that I'm good enough? Because what God is

saying is that you are enough. Now you are my child, all right.

You know, the whole Bible basically this is the message. This is

it. If you think about the whole whole Bible, from the Genesis all

the way up to the New Testament, if there's one message that God is

trying to send to it, it's this. That's why some people say the

whole Bible is a love letter to its one. What is the conclusion for

the whole thing is God loves you. You are God's children. Told through

many different stories, many different episodes, relationships of God proving again and again

that he loves people. He gives us a chance we run away. Gives

us a chance, you know, but there's always that grace to say,

I love you. You are my children, right our next line. One

of one of the stories that illustrates this love, of course, was the

parable of the prodigal son. We know this very well. You know about

the boy that you know. You know there's two sons. Second son,

you know, goes off ask for the fathers you know, inheritance. Give

me my inheritance, now, thank you very much. You go your way,

I go my way. I'll take the money, go go to the

good thing highlands over the weekend. Everything right, He's bankrupt. Now he

wants to come back, right, And this the part of the story is

the son is walking back thinking, okay, I just make me a servant

at least because I'm starving out here. My father is very rich. At

least give me some work or food. And the father right sees him and

the imagery here is so powerful because the father has been watching from the porch

or whatever it is, from the window, waiting for this son of his

to come back. And the father sees this son. And of course in

most stories, you know, I mean, if if this is typical Malaysian

family, you go out there, whag niffler, all right, and say,

I told you, how dare you are right? You dare? You

got the you got the you know, guts to even come and show your

face here, all right, you know? Correct. So if this was

the Korean drama, for example, all right, that will probably be how

it ends. All right. Servants would be sent out, they say,

your father say, don't need to come back, all right, okay,

But I mean the father runs out right, runs out, and I underline

the verbs here he sees, he sees this son of his echo some one

three nine. God is always with us, good bad. When we were

you know, when we were repelling against him, and we were with him

when we were sinning, not sinning. Every moment God was with us,

we are told, even you know, when we were in our mother's womb.

There's no place where we escape from him. He sees us, you

know, this profound truth, and he sees us as who we are.

You know, he runs to us, he takes us, he holds his

This is like a scene from and of the movie Romantic Comedy. Usually like

that, right, you know, the holding, the meeting in the airport,

the long lost children coming back and everybody reuniting. I mean all movies

and like that or nice movies. But I mean I love it, you

know, I mean that whole idea. All of us still cry inside or

outside, depending on whether you're a man or woman. All right, you

know, we all still are moved by that. I mean, there's something

special about holding one another. I mean psychology, we learn about the power

of human touch, which I think we learned during MCO and we took for

granted just a handshake, somebody's you know, hand on your shoulder, just

holding somebody. I mean we miss all of that. You know, Zoom

session cannot do any of that, the power of just human touch, right,

you know. And and the father takes the son and holds him,

kisses him, and and I think this just illustrates the idea of parents love

or child. You know, I was sharing of the morning group. I

mean, I'm a father I know, my my, my, my oldest

has just gone to university. She's just gone overseas wife and I miss her.

She's just gone in February. And I was telling, you know the

morning session that looked I you know, I I was. I was fortunate,

they said at the back during the service, there has some newborns there,

beautiful babies. Beautiful babies, you know, and babies remind me of

a From the moment my daughter was born, you know, to every moment

now, I've never stopped loving her. You know. That's the love of

a parent. Every day, every moment. There's nothing I would not do

for my child. Nothing, and of course can be Naughtila, there's that.

I mean, we all know we also were like that, you know.

I mean we're all sinner, saved by grace. So this crazy daughter

of mine may do all kinds of horrible things, all right, makers mad

typical teenagers, you know, nothing, nothing, if anything. I will

be on the plane right now, right and Misservice and Sandra has to speak,

all right, you know, because with all due respect, if my

daughter needs me, I will be there, correct. Yeah, And that's

just me, you know who am I I'm you know, average parent.

So we're talking about use that as the illustration of God's love for you.

How do you grabs that love? So if this imperfect father can love somebody

like that, you know how you love your child, those of you parents

here, Now, that's why God, time and time again in the Bible

use that as an example of just like father, right, father loves the

child or parent loves the child. God loves you so much more, and

so we need to receive that right next light, right next, next,

let's move on and next one. Yep. But I think this is the

burialers sometimes. I mean, it's a very simple truth theology. We know,

many of us for many years God love says yes, I know that,

But like I say, it doesn't fill as we are not accepting,

understanding fully graspspring this truth because I think somewhere in our psychology that's a rejection

of this. So they are two sons, I mean, go back to

the story of the prodigal son. The first son, of course, who

comes I'm in the second i'man the younger son who comes back. His reaction

to the father kiss no, sorry, go to the next next light.

Yeah, the reaction to the father kissing him and holding him is Hey,

I'm not worthy, and some of us are like that. A lot of

us are like that, I'm not worthy, I'm not worthy. I cannot

up the love. So many of us are. By the way, we've

been Christiane's twentie is thirtys forty years. Many of us are still struggling to

just believe that I can be a child of God. We say it,

we sing it, we talk about it, we maybe even preach it.

Some of us that truth hasn't permeated our soul. We don't really accept it,

you know, because we feel I'm so unlovable, not good enough.

But the second, I mean, the oldest son is just as bad.

By the way, That's why I'm in When I usually preach on this passage,

I call it the parable of the prodigal sons, because both of them

might truly prodigal, as in disconnected. So as we know, the oldest

son is there, right, he hears the commotion. They're all having the

party to welcome back the younger son. He asked the servants, what's going

on? They say, I mean, yeah, there's no good brother of

yours has come back. Right, they're having some Gondori he says, I,

you know what is going on, walks off right. Then the father

chases after him and says, what's the matter, come and join us?

And this is his reply. Hey, for all these years, what is

the word he uses? I have slave over human? I'm the Kiowana didn't

go anywhere, they didn't spend money. You ask me to do anything.

I'm the filial son many classic case of the Asian son good son. Everything

you ask me to do, I've done. Hi, what is this?

I've earned it? Where is this love? And of course he's as disconnected

as the as the youngest son. He never has fully grabs love as well.

But he's been there. The father's is but you've always been with me,

you know. But but the trap that he's he's in is I have

to earn my father's approval. Haven't I earned? No? No? No,

like this other son of yours heaven, I earn And the father's message

of no, I mean, who has ever ask you to earn my love?

I have always loved you, and I think some of us are number

two, some of us are still trying to you know, okay, you

know my relationship with God, I've not been feeling it, So what do

I do? I need to love him more, I need to serve more,

I need to do more? What do I What can I do?

What can I do to be closer to God? Right? I mean that's

how instinct and sometimes right whenever we feel disconnected, or if you were backsliding,

or we feel were in the dark night of the soul, which all

of us have gone through a spiritual burnout, the instinct is what can I

do more? Can I serve more? Can I pray more? Can I

go to more meet things? Can I can I just you know, quiet

time harder? All right? If that's such a thing, right, It's

almost like the more effect, more effect, all right, my emotion right

will be aware? We think what else we can do with her second son?

What else that will? You know? Make me closer to God?

And God is saying how you cannot be closer to me? I'm already with

you. You understand, I'm ready with you. So so in relationships this

is like another psychological truth. Many times the barrier is not that we are

not loving the other person enough. You know, I'm not making enough sacrifices.

That's not the issue. The issue is you cannot accept love from the

other person, whether it's husband or children, or friend or you know,

anybody, church members. Sometimes people praise, they love, they support you.

Some of us are just we have not learned to receive that love right.

And that's where marriages break downline. Sometimes not because you're not good enough,

you're not doing enough. It's because I've not come to a place where

I can receive the love of my wife and enjoy that love and basking that

love and say thank you, know, thank you, I you know,

I I'm so thankful I feel this love, I live this love right.

And so that may be an issue. So if you're going through that patch

and you're wondering, Okay, what do I need to do? Cow can

be betters. But now, of course I'm not saying you shouldn't be a

better husband. You should, right, But that may not be the issue,

Like that's my point. The issue might be you accepting the love.

So I think the same thing with our relationship with God. I want to

end that. That's my message this morning. La. You know you talk

self esteem, self identity, self worth, whatever blog we meed be going

through in our life right now, in our career or personal life. The

starting point is not do things, do things more, do things harder,

do things. You need to be still and remember again, God loves you

now. He has always loved you. He has always been there. He's

not asking for anything else. I mean, it's like my daughter asking me,

Papa, what else do I need to do for you to love me

more? I say, I cannot answer that question. To answer, I

love There's nothing else you could do that makes my love go up and do

right right. I mean, if your children ask you the same question,

what can I do for you to love me? I love you maximum,

It's there ready, And of course I want to guide you in your life.

I want you to be happy. I mean, that's the reason why

sometimes we challenge you, you know, discipline and all that. But that's

not because I'm trying to make you into a better person so that I love

you more. You know. I just want you to live a life that

you're happy and independent and you know you you you find your place in the

world. But nothing to do with love, your exam grades or you know

who you end up marrying, or how many children or no children, or

remain single your whole life, or whatever pathway you choose. I mean that's

that's not gonna impact my love for you at all, right, and that's

the message God is sending us today. So so you know, don't go

back and do more. You know, it's about just sitting there. Go

back today, you know, enjoy some coffee or drink by yourself and just

think to yourself, what does it mean that I'm a child of God and

that God loves me? And again, this is not a message to inspire

laziness. Therefore, okay, Chilean says, I'm a child of God.

No need to work, no need to minister, no need, you know,

like I said earlier, if anything, my belovedness embracing my belovedness that

I'm loved, and I don't need. You know, my identity, my

worth, my value as a person is not based on this or that or

what other people think. It's the fact that Hamley father loves me, and

he says, go chillong, you are my beloved child. Right. That

inspires me more because then I see the belovedness in other people, right right,

you know, so I don't look down on people. It's not because

zero is some game. Because I'm better, everybody else is worthless, right,

It helps me see other people's belovedness as well in church. Outside of

church, my staff, my members, regardless of wealth, regardless of whether

you know they are maintanance staff, whether they are the CEO, whether they

are rich or poor. Right, because it reminds me that I've enjoyed this

belovedness. Therefore all of these people are also beloved people of God, you

know, right, And that's how I value people, and that's why I'm

energized to go and serve, Minister, just like you've been doing it,

you know. I mean, I commend your works, you know, continue

with that, but being motivated by the right motive. You're not doing it

to prove something. You're not doing to become more. You're not doing it

to certainly earn God's love. That love has always been with you. We

hope you've been blessed by this message. For more information on our church,

please visit as Church Org. We are also active on Facebook and Instagram.

We're believing that this week is going to be a good week, a hit

for you. God bless