15th February || Two Shadows || Libby Woodward

This coming Wednesday is the beginning of Lent, which is the

lead up to Easter and it's the fasting before the feasting.

It's when we walk slowly towards Easter, remembering as the

global church does, this time before Jesus, death and

resurrection, that we will celebrate on Easter Day on the

5th of April, when we remember that death has been beaten, the

grave couldn't hold him and hope is a very, very real thing, even

when things feel dark around us. I'm starting this series today.

I'm going to share it with Pip. We're going to share it the next

six weeks. We're using some as long as as

well as stuff that we've prepared.

We're using some material that's been developed by a friend of

mine called Andy Masters, who leads a Vineyard church in

Northern Ireland. And this kind of series kicked

off for me about 18 months ago when I was having a conversation

with him and this whole subject came up and we talked at length.

He gave me lots of books to read that I hadn't already read, and

he shared with me some stuff that he'd done with his church,

and I couldn't not share it with you.

So that's what we're going to be looking at.

It's a subject that I've read a lot of and thought a lot about

for all of my life. When I tell you what the subject

is, you're going to think I'm more weird than you already do.

But this morning I'm kicking off a series and we're calling it

Living in the Shadows. We are going to spend the next

six weeks except for the 1st of March because we're not here,

but the next 6 Sundays that we are gathering, looking at the

subject and talking about death and dying.

Just turn to the person next to you, nudge them and say don't

you wish we'd stayed in bed this morning?

But before you regret coming too much, there's just a couple of

things I want to say this. This topic is very real and we

will all encounter it if we haven't already.

It's vast and it's complicated. And I don't stand here as an

expert. Pip doesn't stand here as an

expert. And we know that there are many,

many emotions involved for all of us as we look at this topic.

I, as I say, I've been on this journey of preparing this series

for the last 18 months or so. A lot has happened in my life

personally in the last 18 months and over the last few weeks,

I've cried a lot. Don't be scared of my emotions.

I cry a lot anyway. And this is OK, but it's

something that I think as a community, we need to talk

about. We need to know what the Bible

says about it. And we need to live as Kingdom

people in light of the fact that yes, one day we will die.

And God is not silent on this matter.

We are family. And I know the privilege of the

role that I play is I journey with many of you and many of us

in this room have experienced somebody close to us dying very

recently. And we are dealing with that.

And I absolutely believe that as we walk in grief, when it's at

the forefront of our minds and our lives, we are changed

forever because somebody we love has died.

So it's important that we love one another.

We talk to each other, we talk about this subject.

So as we go on this journey, I'm going to ask that you would be

gentle and gracious not just with me but with each other.

You know when we talk about this on a Sunday but also in small

groups in the mid weeks, like be gentle and gracious with each

other because none of us are experts.

We will be feeling fragile I'm sure.

I'm really aware that it's like ripping off a plaster or plaster

as you would say around here, ripping off a plaster of a wound

that maybe is slightly pussy and is a little bit sore, maybe even

infected and in a 25 minute slot on a Sunday morning.

I'm limited on what I can say. I told you I'd got lots to say.

So we're not going to get to say everything and I'm sure that you

probably have questions that you think I just wish they'd talk

about this or I just wish they'd say that.

I apologise now that we're not going to always say what you

want us to say. We're not necessarily going to

always land in places that we want to land.

And it may well feel that your wound is exposed.

You've gone through the excruciating pain of ripping off

the plaster. You know it's taken the hairs

with it and it hurts. And so your wound might feel

exposed. So I want you to make the most

of the times when we stand in the presence of Jesus and we ask

His Holy Spirit to come and meet with us and heal us up.

Because ultimately, any words I say are just words.

It's the Holy Spirit that will impact you and heal you up from

the inside. So we will be praying.

We will have time to focus on Jesus when I stop talking.

But I do anticipate that there'll be some Sundays that

you'll think, what, oh, this doesn't feel right.

This doesn't sit right. I feel quite pain in pain with

this. But I, I also want to encourage

you to be here for the next 6 Sundays because it's a, it's a

journey, it's a conversation. And probably by the time we get,

well, my hope is my prayer is by the time we get to Easter and we

look back on the previous six weeks, you'll go, OK, so she

didn't say this then when I wanted her to, but Pip said it

then a few weeks after. Does that make sense?

We'll look back on the whole and we'll realize that God has been

speaking. We won't cover everything but

hopefully you'll commit to going on this journey with us.

And if already you're feeling uncomfortable, feel free if you

can find them to buy some skin coloured Airpods or something

and you can come and just listen to those and then at least I

will feel better that you're in the room whether you're

listening to me or not. Is that OK?

My fear is that the closer we get to Easter, the more of you

go laters, I believe. But we're going to be meeting on

just early plug. Easter day is going to be at

Keene Hall in Galleywood because the university's shut and Jacob

is going to be preaching on the resurrection.

So that's what we have to look forward to.

OK. The other thing that I just want

to say by caveat is that my conviction actually is that the

avoidance of talking about death and dying, avoiding thinking

about it, avoiding talking about it is actually, it's just that

it's uncomfortable. And I think that that is

actually a spiritual stronghold in our lives, in our lives, but

also in culture, you know, to the point that I would say that

we can't even really say the word death and dying.

We use other words to talk about the fact that people are no

longer here, except if you're singing in worship.

Do you know, we talk a lot about Jesus death and his him dying.

But of course, we know that three days later he rose again.

So that makes it feel better. But we don't even talk about

people who have died or we don't use the word death and dying,

which I think personally speaking is, is confusing,

particularly for children. And just I realized that for

some of you, you won't know. Part of the reason this has been

a subject I've done a lot of thinking and reading and talking

about is because my twin sister died when we were little.

And so it's all, it's shaped so much of my life.

I was like brought up in a family where my mum and dad

talked about her knowing that Jesus, she was a gift from God

and she had gone back to God and they talked about her death and

there was pictures up at home of me and her together.

So it's something that that gives you a bit of clarity on

why, why I'm slightly odd. But also, like, I think it's

important that we talk about it without ambiguity because I

think particularly for children, it can be hard.

And I think that, you know, I said that not talking about it,

avoiding it is a spiritual stronghold, not just for us, but

in our culture. And I think the root of that is

because we worship comfort. We measure our lives on how

comfortable we are, how well things are going, how we are

feeling. You know, if we feel

uncomfortable or things aren't quite going right for us, often

our first thought is, what am I doing wrong?

Life isn't supposed to be like this.

But of course, that's not actually true.

That was never God's intention was that we would live with him

in harmony, imperfection, forever.

But that hasn't happened. We live in a fallen world.

Life is hard. And I'm really aware that we, as

we look at this subject, as we open the Scriptures and as we

talk about it, it can feel uncomfortable.

And we are very deliberately in this pulling back the plaster of

the wounds that we hide. But, you know, we talk a lot

about walking with Jesus to be transformed, to be more like

him, to live like him and to love like him, be transformed by

the Holy Spirit. And that transformation happens

when we look at the wounds that we carry and we allow him to

clean them out and heal us up, as opposed to those wounds being

hidden, covered with a plaster or a bandage, becoming infected

and septic and then causing all sorts of other problems.

You know, loved ones dying is a wound and we will all encounter

it at some point or another. It's inevitable in life,

possibly the only inevitable thing in life.

And how we deal with that wound effects everything.

And I'm not saying we have to get healed up and we move on and

everything's fine and, you know, we carry on as life was before.

I absolutely don't believe that because I absolutely believe

that we are different as a result of our loved ones dying,

but different. It looks different for each of

us. Different is different for each

of us. You know, peeling off the

plaster, cleaning it out, not covering it up, not ignoring it.

You know, we don't want infection to take hold.

We don't want us to lose a limb because we haven't dealt with a

wound that we carry. And of course, most wounds leave

scars to some degree or another, a visible reality because we are

different when we deal deal with our our wounds.

So as we go on this journey, as we talk about this subject, as

you listen, as you think, as you talk about it in small groups,

know that this is a journey of transformation and it is a

choice. Feel free to sit here with your

Airpods in, I really don't mind. But we can choose to deal with

our stuff and actually become more like Jesus as a result.

You know, so often I think we go round and round in circles with

stuff because we don't look at what's going on underneath the

plaster. OK, so I'm going to look at a

couple of different Psalms this morning.

So if you've got a Bible, you might want to turn to them.

The Psalms are right in the middle.

If you don't have a Bible and you'd like one, we've got some

that we would love to give you. And I'm going to base a lot of

this on initial bit on Psalm 90. So you might want to find that

this is where Moses is praying. He's speaking to God in the

wilderness and Psalm 90, verse 12, very short verse just says

Psalms 90:12

teach us to number our days that we may gain a heart of wisdom.

Most of us, I think, not just us in this room, us collectively

live like this verse is heresy, like it's completely untrue.

To paraphrase it. I would say teach us to live

with our own death in front of us, that we might make good

decisions. Teach us to live mindful of our

own death, our own physical frailty, that we might become

wise. And I think the world that we

live in that says that doesn't talk, doesn't think, doesn't

engage with physical death, that avoids it at all costs, is

missing out on wisdom. You know, this, this, this,

these words from Moses say, teach us to number our days,

that we might gain a heart of wisdom.

And wisdom is something that I think as a world collectively,

we are desperate for. Anecdotal evidence from Alpha UK

says that people used to ask the question, is there a God?

Now they're asking the question, show me your God.

The world has changed, that we're living in, the age we're

living in. People are desperate for wisdom.

They're not not as interested about arguments of truth.

They want to have some wisdom to live by because they can see

that life isn't working. You know, they've tried living

by the script that was handed to them by secularism, that God

doesn't exist. That we find out who we are on

our purpose by looking within. And you know what?

People have tried it and it's made them sick.

You don't have to look far to look at the poor mental health

statistics. Anxiety, loneliness is high.

People are having an identity crisis.

People are desperate for wisdom. How do I live a good life?

How do I find my purpose? How do I do good relationships

and have healthy community? What can I rely on?

You know, as a, as a culture, we're at sea, aren't we?

Everything is uncertain and chaotic.

We are unanchored from any form of certainty anywhere.

Culture has followed the narrative that has said be

whoever you want to be, however you want, wherever you want,

with whomever you want. And it turns out that that's not

a blessing, it's actually a curse.

We live in a time desperate for wisdom.

And the psalmist here, Moses is clear here.

Teach us to number our days that we might gain a heart of wisdom.

There is something about the contemplation of death that

gives birth to wisdom in our hearts.

Commentators say that we live in an information age.

The answer to most questions are in our pockets.

There we go. It's in my pocket, the

information age. You know, we have access to so

much information. We've never had access to more

information, perhaps. And yet the irony is that that

information seems to lead us, leave us absent of wisdom.

Where do we get our wisdom from? For those of you that are in the

younger generation in the room, it may come as a surprise to you

that at one point if you wanted to know something about

something, you had to find somebody that knew something

about it, or you had to go to your Encyclopedia Britannica.

Remember those as a few nods? That's good.

We had some encyclopedias but I never ever looked at them

because I knew that it was just quicker to ask my mum and dad

because they seem to know everything.

And my children do actually call my mum Granny Google because she

does appear to know everything and they've even tested her.

And regularly I find myself when we're out and about, the kids

ask a question and I think if only my mum was here she would

know the answer. I've learned a few things in

life, but the reality is we get wisdom, don't we, by

intentionally living reflective lives and not avoiding hard

things. And just to big up my mum and

dad a bit more, I think I look at their life and I look at the

hard things they have dealt with and how they have pressed into

following Jesus and I'm like, ah, I think that's where some of

their wisdom comes from. It's pretty inspiring in my

opinion. You know, one of the reasons,

and I've said it already, that we live in a society that's

absent of wisdom is because we worship comfort, we organise our

lives, we order our lives to avoid anything uncomfortable.

And there's something about a struggle, there's something

about pressing in when things get hard that leads to wisdom.

You know, I would encourage you like to think about the people

that you think are wise and then just have a look at their lives.

Or if you want some wisdom, find some people that have struggled

and come through that struggle still loving God and still

loving people and you'll find a well of wisdom.

Wisdom comes when we engage in the struggle as we deal with our

wounds and don't ignore them. When we learn to put 1 foot in

front of the other, even in the darkest, hardest days of our

lives, staying faithful to Jesus and soft hearted to those around

us. There's something about

embracing the frailty of our own lives that leads to wisdom in

our hearts. Something about recognising that

all of us are decaying and one day we will die.

Yet living in the truth of that gives rise to wisdom.

Now I know that embracing this stuff, looking at it, talking

about it, resisting the temptation to scroll your social

media right now possibly feels hard and quite uncomfortable

because it is a taboo to talk about death in our society.

In the 1950s there was a British sociologist called Geoffrey Gore

who wrote an essay entitled The Pornography of Death.

His central idea was that death was to the 20th century what sex

and childbirth were to the 19th century.

And he was saying this in the 1950s.

You know, Victoria, in Victorian Britain, you didn't talk about

sex or childbirth. It was a taboo.

No one would bring it up at a respectable dinner party and you

definitely wouldn't talk about it in front of the children when

it came. That's where the whole idea of

babies being delivered by storks came from.

Apparently it was too messy and too intimate to talk about in

public. Death, on the other hand, in the

19th century was everywhere, absolutely everywhere.

And, and unless somebody died in a war accident, the vast

majority of people died in their homes surrounded by their family

and friends, including the children.

And to us, that just seems alien.

You know, Fast forward 150 years or so, perhaps we're still not

very good at talking about childbirth, but sex is

everywhere. But yet death has been moved

into the corner. It's been hidden.

And it's only engaged with when we absolutely have to.

We've removed it from our homes. We've removed it from our lives.

And we definitely don't talk about it in front of children.

It's a taboo we're afraid of. And on that note, as I was doing

some reading on this, we've even really, and forgive me if you're

a vegetarian or vegan in the room, we've removed talking

about the like, death even from our food.

You know, we've got a Sunday roast to look forward to when we

get home. My chicken came wrapped in

plastic from Tesco's. You know, have I raised that

chicken? Have I lovingly cared for it and

fed it and given it the best life possible and then killed it

in a humane way that then we can enjoy it for our lunch?

Apologies for those of you coming for lunch.

I haven't done that. It came wrapped in plastic from

Tesco's. We've sanitized death and we

don't necessarily talk about it with our children, do we?

You know, Anyway, OK, you might. If you're in Psalms, you might

want to flick forward a bit to Hebrews, which is towards the

end of the Bible. Hebrews 2.

This is Speaking of Jesus. Hebrews 214 to 15, it says this.

He too shared in their humanity, so that by his death He may

break the power of him who holds the power of death and free

those who all of their lives were held in the slavery, in

slavery by the fear of death. You can tell I've practised

those two verses, right? Because it's a trick, 2 tricky

verses to say, but this is my slight personalisation of those

two verses. He too, this is Jesus, shared in

our humanity, that by his death He may break the power of him

who holds the power of death. That's Satan and free us all of

who have all of our lives been held in slavery by the fear of

death. Our cultural fear of death is so

deeply ingrained within us that it's subconscious until it kicks

the door down and it says here I am.

We've managed to build a world that for most of us and for the

most part, looking at our deepest fears isn't necessary

and doesn't exist until, of course, we have to.

Now, I don't know if there's any Lord of the Rings fans in the

room. I can't say I'm a fan, but there

is. In one of the movies, there's an

opening monologue by Gladariel and she says this rumour of a

shadow whisper of a nameless fear.

She's Speaking of this rumour of a shadow in the East that

whispers A nameless fear. And I actually think that that's

probably most of our relationship with death.

It haunts us. We try and ignore it as best we

can, but we can't. And the rumor, and when rumors

become a reality, when somebody that we love dies or receives

the diagnosis or we do, what do we do then?

What is our response? And because we worship comfort

and we have this denial of death, it leaves us like boasts,

without boats, without a ballast.

Ballast is the thing that keeps the boat upright below the

waterline. It keeps the boat from

capsizing. When the inevitable storms in

life come, what do we do? Where do we go?

How do we respond? The avoidance of death does not

serve us or our children because God invites us to live in the

real world. I love the fact that amongst

teenagers and on social media IRL is a big thing right now.

Looking at some of you and you're like, what?

Sorry I'm embarrassing you, I had to ask what IRL was when I

saw it on social media. Because it means in real life.

The fact that we have to now qualify what is real and what is

not says an awful lot about the life that we live in.

Is are our lives projection ideal?

Fake AI? I'm not very good at spotting

what's AI and what's not, just to let you know.

But yet God can't be present with a version of us or a fake

us or an AI us he wants in real life IRL.

He wants to meet with us as us, not a projection or a pretense.

He can't bless a version of us that's fake.

He can't comfort us or can't comfort a representative of us.

He wants to meet us, comfort us, be with us IRL.

Richard Nathan, who is a Vineyard pastor in the States,

says this. The more real we are, the closer

to God we are. The more real we are, the closer

to God we are. And there is a danger that if

we're not living in real life, then we can just pretend that

it's all fine and the wounds that we have will definitely not

be cleaned up and cleaned out and healed up.

The more real we are, the closer to God we are.

The truth is, physical death is part of life and some of us know

that very closely. But engaging with it is good for

us. But it is a shadow.

It is a shadow, like this rumour haunting us.

I said that this series is called Living in the Shadows and

this talk is entitled to shadows.

This metaphor of shadow and shadows is all through

scripture. And one of the things that I

think has has crept into the church is this idea that hard is

bad, shadows aren't good, and we are supposed to live life up and

to the right all of the time. And we've slipped into this

thinking that if doing life with Jesus well, if we're doing life

with Jesus well, things are just going to get better and better

and better and better. Just FYI, for your information,

most of the apostles were martyred.

So if we're thinking it's really important, I want to take my

faith really seriously. I want to follow Jesus with

everything I got. I'm totally surrendered.

I want to order my lives, my life around the priority of his

Kingdom, his presence and his mission in the world, which I

want to do all of those things. Then that's what the apostle

said. And they all were killed for

their faith. So life with Jesus doesn't mean

things are going to get better and better and better and

better. We actually are going to have to

face hard things. And this metaphor of shadows, as

I said, is all through Scripture.

And there's two competing shadows that I want to look at

now. Two competing shadows.

So if you turn to Hebrews, you might want to turn back to

Psalms. You might want to go to Psalm

23, which if you've been around church for any length of time,

you might recognize it. Psalm 23 says this.

The Lord is my shepherd. I lack nothing.

He makes me lie down in green pastures.

He leads me besides quiet waters.

He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right

paths for His name's sake. Even though I walk through the

valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are

with me. Your rod and your staff comfort

me. You prepare a table for me in

the presence of my enemies. Some of you, I know, will know

that off by heart. David talks in Psalm 23 about

this valley of the shadow of death where I will fear no evil.

Is that even possible? But there's more to this.

And, and I think often our imaginations possibly betray us.

At least I'll own that my imagination has betrayed me.

In this Psalm. He makes me lie down in green

pastures. He leads me.

Besides still waters. I'm thinking a spa day.

I'm thinking a jacuzzi. And the green pastures is like a

good shoulder massage. You know that's not what was

meant. There's no idyllic lying in a

green Meadow with a gentle stream rolling beside us.

You know, usually for me, when I get to the point where he leads

me, besides still waters, he makes me lie down in green

pastures. I'm in bed for three days with

tonsillitis because I have pushed my physical body so hard

I have not walked in step with him.

That's actually what it looks like.

And the green pastures aren't a spa, but they are sitting in his

presence, weeping at how broken I am.

You know, the reality is for David, when he was writing this

Psalm, the the green pastures and the still waters were little

clumps of grass in a wasteland where he was farming his sheep.

They were tiny streams of water that had just sprung up, that he

was gathering his sheep to go to because there was no water

anywhere else. The green passages are his

presence in the midst of wilderness.

His presence in the midst of our questions, our our pain, the

problems we can't solve. There's no material solution.

Success and wealth won't comfort.

Only His presence will. Even though I walk through the

valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are

with me. Your rod and your staff comfort

me. You prepare a table before me in

the presence of my enemies. The table that God lays for us

now is a table often in the presence of things that hurt us,

things that haunt us in the midst of our darkest, hardest

days. God says I am here, come and

eat. So there's the valley of the

shadow of death. I said there was 2 shadows, 2

opposing shadows. The second shadow flick a bit

further forward to Psalm 91, Psalm 91, verse one.

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the

shadow of the Almighty. So you've got this shadow of

death, and then you have this shadow of the Almighty.

How do you tell if you're in the shadow of death or the shadow of

the Almighty? Because shadows are just dark,

right? In my experience in my life with

Jesus, the shadow of the Almighty has always been

available to me, including when I've walked through the shadow

of death. He has always been there as I've

abided, as I've dwelled, as I've remained in Him, I have been

able to rest in the shadow of the Almighty.

And I think if we have eyes and hearts to engage with it, and

I'm not saying that's easy because it is hard, we can

experience the shadow of the Almighty.

Jesus says when He walked the earth, He said the narrow is the

path that leads to life, and few find it.

Because when you're walking through the shadow of death,

walking through the valley of the shadow of death, shaking

your fist at God, turning away from him, walking in a different

direction, that actually often feels easier than falling on

your knees, pouring your heart out to God and screaming why?

But yet dwelling in his presence means that we are always in his

shadow, the shadow of the Almighty.

You see, to be human is to die physically.

To come close to death is part of a life of love, this shadow

of death. And yet this shadow of God, the

other shadow, the shadow of the Almighty, is so beautiful, is so

peaceful, is powerful, is stronger than any shadow of

death. When the writer of Hebrew says

that Jesus came to free those who all their lives were in

slavery by the fear of death, He doesn't free us by making it

that we never have to face it. We know in our bones, don't we,

that all of us are going to face physical death and the loss of

loved ones, which wasn't ever God's intention in creation.

Back in Eden, that was not God's intention, but it is a

consequence of us turning our backs on God and thinking we

know best. But when we go through this

valley, the valley of death, when we walk through the shadow,

we always get a choice. Just like we have a choice of

whether we're going to look at our wounds and get them healed

up, we have a choice. Will we, in our grief, in our

anger, in our confusion, will we allow the shadow of God to cover

us? It will still feel hard.

It will still feel difficult. The Psalms say that His word is

a lamp and to our feet. And the funny things about lamps

is that they're so small. The lamps that they're talking

about in Scripture, I suppose they're a little bit like

equivalent to our tea lights. They just light up the next

step. We don't get the next 15, so you

can try running with a lamp, but you'll probably trip.

But as we engage with Him in His presence, in His Word, when we

engage with the shadow of God, we will see the next step.

Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Almighty, I'm sorry.

The Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty here and

now. The truth, the truth is

everything in this life is going to be taken away.

But there is something that can never, ever, ever be taken away

from us, and that is God's love for us.

God's love goes into death with us.

It takes us through physical death into his everlasting arms.

That is the gospel. That is the gospel I am

captivated by that the love of God revealed and made available

to us through Jesus Christ can never be taken away.

It can never. It is the ballast in our boat

when we get into difficult times.

When the stormy weather comes, we are kept upright.

We can lean into His everlasting arms.

Romans 838 to 39 says I am convinced that nothing can

separate us from God's love. Neither death nor life, neither

angels nor demons, neither our fears for today or our worries

about tomorrow. Not even the powers of hell can

separate us from God's love. No power in the sky above or in

the earth below, indeed, nothing in all creation will ever be

able to separate us from the love of God that is revealed in

Christ Jesus. Lots of us are walking through

pain, through grief, through loss, asking God why carrying a

weight that is heavy and burdensome.

And he says to each of us, will we lean on him?

Will we rest in his everlasting arms?

Because nothing is going to separate us from that.

We just need to learn to lean. And it might be that you're

sitting here and you're thinking, well, I haven't really

experienced this liberty. Do you know you can learn to

lean right now so that when you do experience it, you are in the

arms of the Father. You know how to do it.

There is a shadow, deeper and wider and better than any shadow

of death could ever cast, and it's called the shadow of God.

It covers us. I'm going to stop there.

Why don't we stand? The presence of God is here, and

it might be that right now it feels a little bit raw.

And I simply say, Jesus, would you come?

Would you stand with us? Would you cover us in your

shadow?