Episode #16 - Autism Awareness ft. The Blankenships

OK, yeah, My name is Justin Blankenship.

And so we're going to begin. I was born and raised in in the

church. I guess they have a choice early

on, but no, no, but overtime I made it my choice.

And so that's why I'm still here.

And y'all was blessed to, to have a family and parents that

put importance and significance on attending church and and

knowing the Lord. And you know, I had a

grandmother and a great grandmother.

So probably around 4th or 5th generation, maybe 5 so or our

songs will be 5 or 6. I can't have to go back and and

and think about it. But but yeah.

So yes, it's been a wonderful, wonderful, yeah, life in the

Lord and really blessed. And I guess so as far as you

want to start with how we met or something or?

Yeah. Or if you don't mind, when what

age were you when you first got baptized and got the Holy Ghost?

I think I was 8 or 9 when I first got baptized in the Holy

Ghost. It was at a children's

children's church revival or something like that.

Was a two or three night of. Them do that much more than do.

They no, and I remember where I was standing at, at the altar

and and then I think the next night is when they baptized a

few, a few of the kids that wanted to, and I want to say it

was I was 8 or 9. So yeah, about that age, I can't

remember exactly. So they just kind of like it was

a service where they just, they had the baptismal tank ready so

any kid who wanted it could. Yeah, that's cool.

Yeah, I think we'll sit up that way.

And it was the older styles you've seen where the baptism,

the baptistery, excuse me, was built into the wall behind the

stage, had the big window with some like paintings and stuff.

So, so, yeah, that's, that's my experience.

And I remember it very well because my dad was with me.

He took me to the back and we met the pastor and and had a

change of clothes and, and got in.

Yeah. So I just remember feeling, you

know, even at 8 or 9, just like just a fresh feeling, just

almost like just, I don't know, newness, you know, it's about

talks about newness of life. And that's a perfect way, you

know, way of explaining it to you.

Yeah, you're trying. My name is Brittany.

I started going to church actually with an aunt and uncle,

and then we kind of had someone that stepped in to kind of

mother us that would take us here in Alabama.

So I got in church and got the Holy Ghost at around age 14.

And that's when I started coming to church and I would go every

weekend. My aunt would pick us up and

take us to church and we would do youth stuff with them because

they were youth leaders at their church.

And then I've just been in church ever since.

OK, that's good, good leadership.

And then when, what, how, when did you guys, when did you guys

meet? Who, who, who reached out to the

first person first? Let me ask that.

I think I know the answer, but I'll ask anyways.

Yeah, I was very shy. Very, very shy.

Yeah. So I think we have met a few

years before, probably as early as 2010, maybe at church

service, maybe like a sectional thing, sectional rally, youth

rally or something. But I was invited or asked to.

Yeah. So I was invited to be involved

in a youth ministry for a summer in Smyrna, TN, which is put the

pastor Brother, Brother Sadler, Carlos Sadler.

And so I did a 2-3 months there in the summer, would drive on

the weekends, spend the weekend there and, and, and Middle

Tennessee and we do youth activities and Sunday would have

you know, youth, you know, youth Sunday school, if you will.

And we might have had a few Youth Services on Friday night

Youth Services or something like that.

And it was maybe on a Sunday night because I, I would, I

would stay Sunday night to and, and then drive back to Athens.

So I'll spend the weekend there and drive back to Athens.

And so I would say a lot of Sunday, Sunday night services or

most Sunday night services during that time.

And so I remember seeing Brittany one night in the

hallway. So I went to her and said, Hey,

how's it going? And she?

I pretty much said hi as I was still walking by and didn't pay

much attention. And so, you know, I knew her

family, her, her aunt and uncle. I was at the church at the time.

And so I asked, began to ask questions, you know, around that

time about her and her Uncle Tony was filling me in.

And but I remember being on the platform that night, the same

night. And I think I told you this

before playing the bass and remember just playing the bass

but also eyeballing her. So you know what's funny?

You, you don't remember this, but I do.

When I first started coming back to Lifegate, and I'm telling how

many years ago, I was hanging out with Seth a lot.

Seth was one of the ones who kind of like took me under his

wing when I first started coming back.

And I forget what it was, but you were kind of, you came to

Lifegate a few times, but I don't think it was consistent.

Well, there was one time you came and it was like a Wednesday

night or something and Seth wanted to go get dinner.

So he kind of forced you to go get dinner.

And I was riding with Seth. So I rode in the backseat of the

car while you and Seth were up there talking.

And I remember distinctly you first telling Seth about meeting

Brittany at, at this service. And I, I distinctly remember,

and this is not me trying to give you bounty points, but I

distinctly remember you tell us that like along the lines of

like, Oh man, I this girl, she's so pretty.

Like I can't wait to go talk to her.

Like, like he was bragging hard. And the only reason why I knew

like I didn't know who you were, but I did because I knew

Kimberly, because Kimberly was going to school and I knew Dylan

in the whole night. So I was like, Oh, it's another

her sister. But I remember that.

I remember that conversation and I remember just being like, oh,

this dude's done falling in love with this girl.

Yeah, well, you know, credit to Kimberly and Dylan for sure

because we we did 1 double date kind of just friends that they

help facilitate. So shout out to them.

Yeah, they like to take credit that they were pushing to get us

together. But but yes, But yeah, that

night at the church, at the church in Smyrna, I, I kind of

made my mind up then. Yeah, I could tell.

Like I said, I could tell on that car.

Ride but it it wasn't until that fall, really.

I think late that fall is when. You started coming to the church

in Alabama that I was going to. Yeah, I started showing up on

Sunday nights because, you know, we don't have Sunday night

services. Here SO.

And, and I was working Sunday mornings too, at the time I was

working, having to work weekends.

So to try to get my church time in, yeah, add, add a bonus.

I was going to see her. But I know, I know at the time

of whenever it was that this car ride happened, I know that you,

you had just, you had just met her because you're like, oh,

because I remember you telling Seth like, I'm, I'm going to,

I'm going to find out who's more about this girl and I'm going to

go talk to her. Like I remember that

conversation because you know, Seth at that age, he was, he was

also like trying to, you know, we all were as guys.

But here I am the backseat. I'm just hearing this whole

conversation like I don't know any of these people.

I don't know where we're going, but I will say another cool

thing because you mentioned it that you you played the bass at

that church. One of the first memories I have

of you outside of that was at the old railroad bed church when

you first started coming to Lifegate and you said they said

that you were going to be playing music.

I was like, OK, cool. Justin Blankenship now Seth, now

he's getting a lot of talk here. He talked you up big, but he was

like, he's like, oh man, this Justin guy, he do, he can play

any instrument. It don't matter what you give

him, he can play it. And I'm like, oh, that's, that's

kind of cool. And I didn't understand it until

they're like, oh, yeah, he's going to play the banjo.

I was like, this dude can play the banjo.

And sure enough, one of the songs he's played the banjo.

Then he was like, I can play the bass, the guitar, the piano, the

organ, everything. And I was like, wow, that's got

to take some serious like musical talent.

I mean, how many, how many instruments can you play?

Totals. Can you count it?

I think you about I think that's about all you know, and and I

did a poor and it's not me. It's not me being modest at all.

It's not false modesty. I did a very poor mentation of a

banjo because, you know, I had borrowed one maybe a summer or

two before that time of a friend of the family and it was a very

the banjo probably was 50 years. I'm just a very, very old banjo.

And so they allowed me to take it home because they just had it

in case. And so I just, you know, like we

always do when we get something new strings on it, we we play

around with it and try to figure out chords and, and so, yeah, so

I actually had to call the same family friend to get it back for

that, that church service. I remember that because I like I

said, I'll never get it sets like, Oh yeah, Justin can play

anything. I was like, OK, cool, what's he

going to play? He's like, he's going to play

the banjo. I was like, well, you weren't

kidding when you said anything. Like I wouldn't expected that,

but it was cool. Ever since then, you know, you,

you kind of coming in now, but I've always taken you as a very

humble person, to be honest, as far as just when you play, you

just thought I'd go in there and just do your job, you know, and

just just go. You don't don't make a noise or

ruckus or anything like that. But I'd always appreciate that.

But that was one of my first memories of you just

specifically. Unfortunately, I don't have a

lot of room to just because I think Justin brought you here,

but I just figured I'd let you know.

I was like, I was like, Justin won't remember this conversation

he had for Seth and he won't remember my first impression of

him either. So I can go ahead and bring that

one out. Well, no, thanks for all that.

Thanks for reminding me. I I vaguely remember that now

because we were in his car, right?

Yeah, you're right. I was in the front seat,

passenger side, and you were in the back.

I do remember that now, but I would have not remember that

unless you. I think he took us.

I think Seth had us all go to. I don't know if it was

Applebee's or Logan's or something, but yeah, I was in

his car and I because my parents left and Seth was my taxi driver

everywhere at that time. I was going anywhere Seth was

taking me or Colby was taking me.

And so then, then that's when that conversation happened.

I just remember thinking in my head, I was like, I don't know

who this dude is. I don't know who this girl is,

but I'm doing right now. This dude is enthralled.

But whoever she is, wherever she is.

Oh, yeah, Like I said, I was that night, Yeah.

I was thinking more about the. I was thinking more about, well,

how to say that I was thinking more of than just playing the

bass that night. You're not the only person I've

ever gone through that, I can tell you that.

So yeah, by the way, I love Seth.

I think we all do. So just want to give a shout out

to him because I've known him for know how long they first

moved here. I can tell you he, he loves you.

I, he's bragged about you several times.

And I think a lot of it comes down to, and I could be wrong

and he might get on to me, he might ask me to cut it.

But I think when everything had happened with his mother, it's,

if I remember correctly, he mentioned that you, you reached

out to him a lot and we're there for him a lot.

And I can tell you that he had mentioned that quite often, how

that meant a lot to him. So I imagine that that

friendship was kind of built on some pretty unfortunate but

solid foundation there. Yeah, yeah, for sure.

But you know, I love the Tessens.

They're, you know, they're family.

And so they mean a lot to us. That's all good.

He'll yeah, maybe he'll get a crack and laugh out of that or

something. But obviously it worked.

Whatever you did worked because you won.

So tell me how that all came to fruition when you finally were

like, hey, let's, let's, let's to hang out.

Well, it, I think it's, it was like, like I mentioned, it was

facilitated through Kimberly and Dylan.

They were dating at the time. And then we got together one

night and that's all she wrote, That's all she wrote.

And then, you know, we just hang out as friends and get to know

each other and and then as time passed, became more serious and.

How long has it been for you? 2 together.

Well, total. How should have been a while?

About 13 years, probably 12 or 13 two. 1013 So yeah, almost 13

years. Yeah, because I was about a year

and a half, maybe year and a half, maybe pushing two years

before I met Brooke. When that kind of car

conversation happens, I was like, I know it's got to be at

least 12 years. So I.

Just put up, just put up with me for that long.

But anyway, so Fast forward now we got 2 kiddos and how's that

all going? It's going.

That's about what you can say as parents, is that it's going

somewhere at least. I, I, I bring them up because,

and I'll be honest here, and this is kind of one of the

reasons I respect you guys a lot.

But when it comes to kids, especially in today's day and

age who are on on the spectrum, if I can say that it's kind of

like taboo around people. I've never thought of it as that

way just cause to me it's like, I mean, we're all different in

our own way. I think it's becoming more

recognizable. That's why it's more common.

I think it's always been there. Just now we recognize it.

But for some reason a lot of people just, they deny it or

it's taboo or whatever. And I just don't see the, I've

never thought there was a reason why just never made sense to me.

And obviously it's a subject that my mom is always loved just

because it's always, like I said, it's just people seem to

not want to look at people the same way.

And I don't think that should be the case.

And unfortunately, I think that happens sometimes, even in the

church, maybe not specifically our church, but in church

environments, people don't quite understand people who have

spectrum personalities or people who are raising kids that are

that way. And you guys have done an

amazing job. And from what I hear, you're

very vocal about being honest about it all.

And, and I think that's just a huge thing.

That's the kind of testimony that I think a lot of people

need to hear to give them kind of like just reassurance that

there's nothing wrong. There's nothing to, you know, be

upset about. I mean, it's just, it's just,

it's just kids, you know what I mean?

So I kind of wanted to get your perspective on all of that.

And that's why, like I said, that's why my mom's here because

she knows way more about it than I do.

But it's a topic that needs to get out there.

And I think people just need to just understand more about it.

So if you would just enlighten me a little bit.

Yeah. So our oldest, he is on the

spectrum. He is mild, technically level 1,

but they give levels. It doesn't really mean much.

It just means how so much support they may need going

forward for like insurance purposes really.

But just like everyone else, he does have struggles.

His just are a little different sometimes.

But I am very open about it because I feel like some people

are afraid to get their children tested.

Just like other mental health problems like anxiety,

depression, people, especially in the church, are afraid of

things like that. Whereas I think that it's

important for us to get whatever help, especially that our

children need. And fan from a very young age

showed a lot of sensory issues that some people just kept

saying we're just normal. He's just normal boy.

But as a mom, I just kind of knew something else was going

on. So he started occupational

therapy first before he did anything else.

And then at age 5 is actually when he got tested.

And then it made a lot more sense because he couldn't stand

loud noises. He's a very picky eater, just

smells too, and he can't stand certain smells.

Very. Young That was one of the.

About what age do you think it was that it's struck you that?

Probably around age 2. So he didn't have the typical

where they regress or don't speak because he was actually

very verbal at a young age, which I think was more of the

confusing part because a lot of kids that get diagnosed are

having trouble with speaking. And he was actually the

opposite. He liked to talk all the time

and still does. But there was just, I guess,

some quirks about him that were just different.

He also, instead of getting upset about things like normal

tantrums, they would last long time, 30 minutes, an hour or

sometimes, and it would be hard to redirect.

So I thought that was a little unusual at the time.

But as he was our first, we didn't really know a whole lot.

We're just swinging at us. Parents really still are, but

yeah, so. Well, I mean, I think it's

important to just highlight and emphasize.

There's nothing wrong with it. And, and, and a lot of people

nowadays, like they say, you say the word spectrum and it's like

everybody just. Defensive.

Gets defensive they go to the most serious case of it.

You know what I mean of like you have those cases where you have

kids who are non verbal and they can't like it's just they're

it's very intense. Everybody just likens it all to

the same and it's not that way. Everybody's different, even on

the spectrum, which would to me, I like, I don't understand how

that concept is hard just because it's like the word

spectrum is like a spectrum of colors or personalities, like

just because it's, you know, so there's more to it than just

going to the, to the absolute. And that's why I'm like, this

needs to get out. Yeah.

And I think also the hard part for children like Finn is that

people don't realize that he is different.

And sometimes they look at us and our parenting as like you're

the problem, rather than he sees the the world a little bit

differently. And sometimes he needs a little

bit of a different way of handling certain situations.

But because he is so verbal and he is very smart, has a very

high IQ, sometimes it's hard to notice that at first.

And I just want people to know that everybody's doing their

best as parents, and we are. We're all trying, but some kids

just need a different way of approaching things.

I know in teaching that's what makes a great teacher.

I feel like is when you identify how to teach each child, they

all learn differently. So you have to establish how am

I going to teach AB CS to this one and then to this one, I'm

going to teach them differently. And that's the way it is with

parenting. I feel like every, everybody is,

is taking a different approach or doing it.

And the whole idea of spectrum even, I mean, we've come a long

way just to come to using the word spectrum.

And it even even it, if my opinion does not encompass

everything that it could, but like the, the example of colors

is perfect. There are different shades and

then there are all different colors.

Everybody's different. And so I'm I'm really excited

that you guys were agreeing to do this.

I know the UPCI has a recognized that it is a ministry that needs

to be in our churches as they started the new pro, the able

program and I felt it and and you had mentioned you follow it

too. But I still think more in our

church, we follow it because of the connection we have.

But I feel like it's a ministry that everyone should be

following. You know, how can we help you

help Finn? Be there for Finn.

Yeah, especially in the church group, I think that just kind of

knowing some differences would be helpful.

Like some children that are like him won't do eye contact.

And if they do, it's very brief and they're not trying to be

disrespectful, but it makes them very uncomfortable sometimes.

They also don't like to be touched.

They may touch you and hug you in their own time, but they

don't actually want you to touch them.

It makes them very uncomfortable, which is the case

with Finn. If you've ever seen him give a

hug, he does it very different. He kind of leans close to you

and that's it. There's very few people he will

give a real hug to. I do think that it would be a

good idea if our church can get together and do like some kind

of sensory area at least like a sensory corner for children that

get overwhelmed. Easy to give them a break if

they need it. And I just want y'all to know

during worship service. We're trying our best.

Finn may be loud, OK and dancing but we are trying our best.

He just does get very overstimulated with a lot of

noise too, which makes his hyperactivity get higher

heightens so. It makes you feel any better

like my my wife, my wife gets well, my wife gets on me all the

time because like I always joke and this is not like in AI say

joke, but I'm not really. But like I always say that like

I probably am real close to being on the spectrum myself

because like there are like noises, especially during

service like noises get me. That's why I like at the minute

Brayden will start making a little bit of noise.

I'll be like Brooke, we got to take him out just because I'm

like it. Just, it just noises get me too.

Not loudness and overwhelmingness, but just

random noises can get me. I've never picked up once on Sin

or any of them in the back, so you must be doing a great job.

That's why we sit in the back. But also to you know, you know

the drums as well. It's that's one of the reasons

why we sit in the back as well, is because they.

Get him. Yeah, yeah.

And he was maybe 2 years younger than he is now.

We were doing the headphones sometimes to kind of block out

some of the noise because he would come in with his his hands

over his ears And so and then the same same thing.

What I could say with smells like we've been when he was

younger, maybe not so much the smells, maybe not so much

anymore, but when he was younger than he is now would be like a

family Christmas or Thanksgiving.

You have all the food on the table.

He wouldn't go, he wouldn't go into that room.

And you say, why not? He said because it's.

Just too much. Yeah, the smell or something.

He. Was he was telling you it smells

yucky? Smells yucky, yeah.

Even though it smells delicious to most of us, but to him it was

overwhelming. And you know, to some of the

first signs were, you know, the flapping of the hands, you know,

and that some kids do that and that they may not be, you know,

they might not have autism or, or anything like that.

But looking back now to those signs that.

Were. There, yeah, to those those

classes, if you will. And another thing about that is

that a lot of people think stemming is a behavior that

needs to be controlled, but actually it's a behavior that's

helping them regulate themselves so they don't act out.

That is a way of their body getting rid of that extra

overwhelm. And Finn does hand flap and

jumps. So if you've ever seen him do

that, he does it especially when he's happy or excited and he

probably gets too close to you, but he doesn't even realize.

But that is him helping his nervous system regulate.

And there's different forms of stemming, but that's just what

he does. Some kids also do vocal

stemming, so they make different noises with their voice.

And it's not that they're trying to be annoying, it's just that

that is their body's way of compensating for being

overstimulated and having all those emotions and feelings on

the inside. Sure, and I think we could if we

think about it, because a lot of us do have ways to regulate how

we're feeling and we don't pay any attention to it.

My husband will get me all the time because I'm an I bounce my

knee all the time. And when it in the old days when

we had the pews, you know, the hope and he would just kind of

tap me and let me know, Hey, you're in our word stemming, you

know, and I know I have those little things.

I think that's why it's so passionate for me is because as

a child, I can look back and say, oh, that that was me, but

nobody understood it to be able to help me.

So I love it when Finn gets all excited and and he's flapping

and everything, because I know he's it's joy.

It's overjoyed too. So it's awesome.

I guess, I guess a question that I would have would be so if you

had to give advice to other parents who they they might see

the same signs, but maybe like so you, you got fin tested,

which is a great thing. And there's no I for whatever

reason, people feel like there's like a shame in this idea of

checking to see is, is my kid this way or for me, it would be

myself. I could what would be your

advice to other parents who are on the fence?

Like they might have people saying, Oh, no, they're just

that's just kid being a kid. You don't, you don't want to go

like, like it's taboo versus just getting it just to see

because if it is, well, now you know how to approach them

differently. Yeah, so I'll just say when when

I first took Finn to get tested, Justin was actually kind of on

the fence. He wasn't sure if that was right

or not. And honestly, I feel like we all

kind of go through that, especially when it's your own

child, because you want everything to be perfect with

your child. You don't want them to say that

something is different and that your child is a little

different. I mean, we all want our children

to not be looked at different. And but I would just give advice

that if you have any questions or or even possibility, it

doesn't hurt to take them to a professional.

For one, you don't have to tell anybody.

You don't have to tell teachers. You don't have to tell their

doctor. You don't have to tell anyone

else if you don't want to. The reason why it's there really

is for you to understand your child more and to get them the

help that they need because they do a lot of times need some

help. Like Finn has a fine motor

delay. He needs help with those skills

required for writing and he will always need a little bit more

practice and assistance with that.

But we learned that in those assessments, and then we also

learn different techniques to help.

And I just feel like you should never be ashamed because it's

literally just getting your child help.

Kind of like you would take them to the doctor if they had the

flu. It's the same now.

It's not a sickness, but it is something that is different and

it helps if we understand the way that they think.

Right, exactly. And on the other side of this is

if you, you know, there's a lot of people that have the opinion

and I, I kind of can see it that, you know, in the medical

field, they would just want to label everything right.

And so, and so if you have that perspective, then it's much

harder to get past that to, you know, seek help us just like,

you know, we were talking about the that, you know, that the

flapping of the hands, you know, and sometimes it starts, you

notice it really early. But for him even now we're we're

seeing other things. He's 7.

And so just we got him tested at 5:00 and they said, well, some

things we don't recommend testing till they're 7.

So we're going through another another series of tests soon.

And so, yeah, it is to your point.

And then the taboo or, you know, some of that is just, you know,

I guess fighting against that or having that mentality of, well,

they'll just, it could just be something minor, but they want

to put a label on it, you know, And I think it's important just

to kind of keep a healthy perspective and open mind to

that, especially as men, you know, talking about myself.

And so so yeah, so it's, it's good to talk about it like we

are and, and, and be willing just to keep an open mind about

it because like, like you said, go get them tested.

And if, if nothing's wrong there are there, you know there's no

issues, then you, you've done your part as a parent, you.

Know also point out or remind what you mentioned earlier.

Nowhere in this does it say that he's not an intelligent child.

He's a lot of times you can have kids who are spectrum, but

they're even more intelligent, like their IQ is higher, they're

smarter. So has nothing to do with how

smart or IQ level or anything like that.

What they can accomplish is the exact same as anything else.

It's just the way that their personality is.

It's just a little different, has to be approached different.

I think that from my perspective of saying is people here, they

hear that and they go, Oh, that my kids, you're trying to say my

kids not as good as another kid or as perfect or whatever.

And was like, not the case at all.

It's just just a dip to me. I look at it like a different

personality. We all have different

personalities. People have certain tics.

One of my tics is seeing other people's tics.

It's it's you know, but the IQ level in the what they can

accomplish is on the same level, sometimes even higher than what

a normal child could be. You know what I mean?

Yeah. And the thing with that also is

that autism doesn't define what the child can learn because a

child can be non verbal and can have a higher IQ than any of us

in this room. But getting them tested gives

them the necessary tools they can so that they can function

like the rest of us. They have the tools that they

need to grow and develop that knowledge that's in their mind.

They have the tools they need to be able to take care of

themselves one day. And each of them is going to

have different struggles. Just like the rest of us in life

have different struggles, so will they.

As we said, it's a spectrum. Nobody will be the same.

But when you take them to get tested, the psychologist does

sit down with you and shows the findings and kind of guide you

of what help they may need or may not need.

And then they say things that might happen in the future and

you're like, no, that's I think we're good right here.

But I think it's important just to know that we all just want to

help our children. There's nothing wrong with them.

They can function just like everyone else.

They might just need it taught to them a little different.

And as parents, we want what's best for our children.

So why don't we want to give them the tools that they need to

succeed? And that's how I see it, is that

we're just giving different tools to him so that he can

learn the things that he needs to learn and grow.

I think the other important thing that you said, Brittany,

was parents a lot of times get blamed for it, it being a

behavior problem because of their parenting skills.

And I think it's so important to make sure that people know that

that's not what it is. It it's not don't just

automatically if you see him getting excited and trying to be

a little bit he's a little bit louder than the other person

that oh, they're letting him, you know, just act out in

church. That's not what it is.

That's not what it is. He that's how he's expressing

himself. Actually, there's a song about

it that we all sing. If you don't like the way I'm

worshiping now, wait till you see me when I get there is

something like that is how it goes.

Let him worship. Let me say, hey, good job mom,

that he is worshipping. He's in church.

You're bringing him to church. Please don't ever not bring them

to church. That is another heart string of

mine that when we have families in the church that have kids

that are going to be a little more, let them come.

Please bring them and let them feel God and worship and I mean

you. You pull out parents, you tell

them you know what I'm saying? Tell them you're how you feel

about something like that. Yeah.

And just saying if anybody listens to this and they're

having some struggle, was having some doubts, you can always come

talk to me. I may seem a little.

Introvert. Yeah, I don't always come up to

people and talk to them because I can be more introverted, but I

do not mind talking to anyone. And I don't mind giving the

little bit of ice I may have. Or just you can just talk to me.

I'll just listen. But you can also sit with us.

I mean, as long as you don't mind Finn probably dancing and

jumping on the pews, but because he does that often, like this

morning. But yeah, just you don't ever

need to feel bad if you're setting boundaries like you

should. And your children are just a

little different, a little more loud.

That's why we sit in the back. But we always want to keep

bringing him. We don't want him to be a burden

on anyone else. But also we feel like it's

important for him to feel God and be around people that are

worshipping God as well. And he loves Sunday school.

His brother, not so much, but he loves Sunday school and I think

it's important for even our children that have a little

extra needs to get that Sunday school because they learn a lot

and we don't realize, I think sometimes how much they do

learn. Shout out to the Sunday School

teachers. Yes.

And and the school teachers. Yes, all of them.

All the teachers, because y'all deal with a lot, because at home

we don't have to teach them. Except for, you know, normal

household stuff. Not learning stuff.

Couldn't do it. We thought about it for a while,

but no. But you know, to your point

about the behavior thing, excuse me, you know, that's where at

times I've struggled because, you know, I grew up in, in

church and so I know how you're supposed to behave, you know,

and now being adult, obviously I know what's, what's customary,

what's kind of expected anyways. But you know, as being a father,

you, you want to instill, you know, you know, good habits and

you want to instill morals and you want to make sure that

you're raising children that know how to behave.

And so I've had a hard time, you know, with, with that, because,

you know, if I'm just being transparent, you know, I do

think about what other people are thinking.

And in, in those moments, you know, we're, we're not just

letting let him jump off the walls, are, you know, are

purposely, you know, going out of his way to, you know, to be a

menace. But it, it's, it is a we talked

about it before we started it. It is hard to know where that

line is because you, like I said, you, you want to make sure

they grow up with with those values of how to treat others

and and how they should respect, you know, people space, the

church, the House of the Lord, but also their classmates, their

friends or teachers. All these things are very

important to us. And so how do we do that?

You know, in a way that that he'll understand it considering

his needs. Maybe go a little bit further

than a normal child. Yeah, I, if I can make any kind

of comment on it, I feel like for, for us as the church

family, this should be something that's very natural for us to be

able to adopt to just because of how much scripture.

And I mean, we can just look at Christ himself and how he

responded to the children who would come up to him.

And I, I find it hard to believe they walked single file quietly

with their hands on their sides. And I was just reading this when

the children came to him and the disciples wanted to stop them,

you know, And he, he reprimanded them for that.

He's let the children come. We, we see just how valuable the

children are to, to God. And you know, in my mind, I look

at it and this might be where a little part of me is, I don't

know, spectrum or whatever the case is, but in my mind, I'm

like, like I said, I see it as colors or personality.

But like God deals with all of us differently, even us who are,

are normal. We, we all have our own issues

and, and things that he deals with us and there's no judgement

from him on how we are. So why should we be that way

towards a child, no less, but other people who are dealing

with that. And I'm like, this should come

natural for us, in my opinion, to be able to understand and be

supportive of these kind of things because that's how God is

towards us. And there's literal scripture

for take care of the kids, make sure they have that opportunity

to come to me and, and, and be like that.

And we're supposed to be like the children ourselves.

If we want to have a good relationship with God.

So to me, it's like that should be something that's very

straightforward, very simple for what should be for us.

But I, I will ask, I'll, I'll, I'll play the role of someone

who who doesn't know anything about it.

If you were to like we mentioned how Finn is during worship and

during church. How should I look at that if I'm

if I don't know he he is the way that he is and I just this is my

first time witnessing it like how how should I?

How will be your advice to me as far as how?

To be supportive. How to be supportive, how to be

there for them if they need to be there for you guys?

Because you guys are not the only ones who who are having a

child like this. Some people are not as vocal

about it, which is why I'm thankful you guys are.

But how do we be supportive of you guys and supportive of the

children who are this way? I would say just pretty much

just ignore it. Like honestly, when there's a

tension more on us, it feels more like we're being judged for

what's happening. And I know that's not what

people usually mean by it, but as parents, it's kind of hard

because you see people looking at you and then then you just

kind of freeze and you're like, OK, well, we need to stop this

because it's distracting someone else.

Or do you have any? I guess that's about the gist of

it. Yeah, we, we understand for

sure. It can be, you know, disruptive

for sure at at times. And, you know, kids, kids will

be kids on a certain level. You know, absolutely.

You're with them every day. Yes, Brayden this morning had

one of those little things you pull and it makes noise and he

figured out how to pull it all out really fast.

And it was like this loud noise right when it was quiet.

We're like, but you know what it's like you said he's a kid.

He's a child. Well, I think someone said it.

I don't know where I heard it from, but, you know, we've, we

spent our whole lives learning how to be respectable adults.

You know, they haven't, they haven't had the same level of

training that we have. And that's just a normal kid.

And so, so, so yeah, it's, it's, it's difficult.

And I may have mentioned this to you before, Brittany, but before

we even, you know, dating and and got married and start having

kids, I've always done my best to try not to, you know, be out

in public and see a a child, just throw them stuff on the

floor being in a restaurant and catastrophe happens.

And, and judge that those parents.

I've always tried not to because I'm thinking, well, first of

all, I'm not a parent. So what, you know what?

I don't really have any grounds or rights to voice my opinion

or, you know, even internally, you know, pass judgment.

And I'm so glad I'm just to my own horn here, but I'm so glad

that I didn't do that because now, now I have a child that

has, you know, more, more challenges than a normal child

would have. So, so yeah, it's just, you

know, I guess it's keeping an open mind and and don't always

don't assume, don't assume. And, you know, I think we have a

great church family here. And so we haven't had any

issues. And all the support from the

teachers here in the school. Teachers have been great.

Yeah, I think our pastor has made that known to our church

family just by how all of the little kids during church will

want to run up there and stand beside him and he'll hold their

hand and jump with them and shout with them and worship with

them. And and if they're excited to be

in the altar, he's good with that because he is open minded.

Of course, Sister Pet and our first Lady being a teacher and

having all of the backgrounds she does in education, knowing

I, I love that about our church, I do that.

I feel like we are a good family for that, for that support.

I agree with you that we could grow with our sensory area.

And The thing is our school has that.

So it would be easy to just incorporate that into the Sunday

school as well. Yeah, Sister Penn had asked me

to try to get something together a little while ago, but I'm not

very good at starting things. So also something else I just

wanted to add about if you see a parent like that, if sometimes

if you could just tell them that they're doing a good job.

When you see parents that are struggling, I think that as a

community, we need to tell each other that we're that you're

doing a good job because all parents are trying.

And sometimes when you're having a rough day, even with typical

children, you kind of just need to hear it's OK and you're doing

a good job. Well it's so funny we we love

there's ATV show called Bluey. I don't know if you guys have

watched it or not, but. It's a lot.

You have not. No, I said a lot.

Oh. Yeah, it was a great show.

I watched. I watched it even after Braden's

left the room. And I'll just, I don't even, you

know, but there's one episode in there where the mom is

struggling hard with her kid not being on the same level as the

other kids. And so the whole episode is

centered about the mom just struggling with that.

And then the final scene, another mom just comes over and

they they have a little conversation and then the scene

centers on the other mom. She's just like, she just stops.

She goes, hey, you're doing great and the the the mom and

the show will start to tear up and cry.

But and I do too. It's so funny because Brooke

will watch that and she'll watch that scene.

It'll immediately get her. And so now all the time, if I,

if she's ever like stressed out with Brayden or anything I like,

I can just pull up the little video of the of the bluey thing

and just be like, I'll watch this real quick and it'll get

her every single time. Because it just, it just means

so much. Yeah.

To have somebody say, hey, you're, you're doing a good job.

You're here. You made it to church with your

children. That is, That is what God

expects of us, really, to raise up a child and the way they

should go. So that's awesome.

What advice can we give to Sunday school teachers and

teachers in general? When a child may come in that is

that way on and how to do. I don't want to say deal with

them because it just sounds harsh, but grow with them make.

Work with them. Work with them.

What's what's some advice we can get for for the teachers who are

involved with this? Oh, is this coming to me?

Yeah. Well, like I said, I love that

the ABLE program, there's all kinds of things on there, but

sometimes just doing your homework about we are blessed

here once again. I know that the Silas's who used

to be over the children's Tracy Silas was very familiar and

worked well in that environment. And now with brother David and

sister Holly, Holly is amazing, amazing.

I mean, they, they work at the camps.

And so I, I think just knowing you educate yourself, being a

Sunday school teacher may not require your bachelor's degree

or your master's degree or things like that in education,

but you can still get that education.

Study it. I mean, I started out just

taking a few classes. Make yourself a known and then

just be our pastor's favorite word fluid.

That's just the most important thing in in my mind is just to

to go with it. If they're struggling to come

into the classroom because it seems like there's a lot of

extra kids in there. The other classroom is open, but

if they're more comfortable there, they can come in there.

Just, you know, roll with it And is my opinion.

I don't know what you guys, what makes it easier for you and

you're dropping them off or picking them up.

For us, Finn is very excited to go, so it's not very hard to

drop him off, but I know that sometimes he has some struggles

inside the classroom. I would say that if you ever, as

a semi school teacher, notice that a child is struggling with

certain things, it's never wrong to ask the parent.

Like what can we do a little bit to help them in here?

Like what helps or something even in school, that's kind of

what we're going through right now is trying to figure out what

helps Finn. Because each child is going to

have a little bit of different needs, especially in the

classroom or even Sunday school classroom setting.

But also just knowing that sometimes if they're getting

frustrated about something, it may not necessarily be exactly

what it looks like. Because sometimes especially

children on the spectrum get frustrated about something

small. But to them, it's very big.

And the way to approach it can sometimes be differently because

if they make, if you make them feel like it's not a big deal

because to them it is, that's very frustrating to them.

So I would just say you kind of got to take it by the child and

what's happening. And some children do better than

others in the classroom, but also just know if they're not

good at sharing or impulse control is a little bit of a

problem. Sometimes you just have to go

about it a little differently. Or like Finn, if he really wants

to tell you something, and I know it's very inconvenient

sometimes, but at least address him and say I will answer you in

just a minute. Because if not, he will just

continue because he feels like it's very important.

Even if it's to tell you that he ate a red candy yesterday, to

him it's important. And I feel like it's important

for us to make our children know that they are important, that's

instilling confidence in them, and that will help.

Life and that could be for any child, yes, any any child wants

if you know to be recognized or noticed.

Feel heard? Yeah, we also.

Yeah, and that just helps with any child's confidence too.

And that helps with their self esteem which will make them want

to come more as well, even any child really.

And they may have something to contribute.

Yeah. I mean, you know, the thought

that God gave them could be the thought that adds to your Sunday

school lesson. And even if you don't think the

children are listening, Finn can tell me every single Sunday

school lesson he has had, OK? There you go.

He he knows a lot of Bible stories for sure.

That's just, that's just an example of the brilliance that

they can have, you know, to remember that kind of stuff.

The details never, I can't remember that kind of stuff.

You know what I'm saying? Like.

I don't know, John. You do pretty good.

I think you're. I think you're like.

I said if I got tested, I feel like I would be there too.

Like I recognize it. I'm like, yeah, I got an issue.

I got a problem. Like I am that picky person with

textures. I'm the picky person with smell.

Certain smells. Just I can't do it, you know,

noises, certain noises, I can't do it.

Like that's why I guess that's why it's so easy for me to

understand others who have that because it's like I kind of do

to an extent. So you know, that's why it's

never, I just never understood why some people get reclusive

when the topic comes out because to me, I just, I never saw there

being is something that's wrong, something that's negative.

I've never looked at it that way personally growing up.

Maybe it's because the way mom raised me, but.

Because Mom was. Yeah, that's why, like I said,

that's another reason why I just want to get it out there and why

I felt like this would be a really good thing to talk about

because so many people get that way.

And maybe if you hear like, Oh no, other people have gone

through the same thing, other people see it.

It's it's nothing that you're being judged for.

There's nothing wrong with it. It's just, it's just something

that's a different color on the rainbow than what you're used to

seeing. And it's not necessarily a bad

color. All colors together make a a

picture. If you only ever have one color,

you're going to have a very boring, boring painting.

You know what I mean? So.

That's why I don't like the word normal, because who gets to

judge what that is? You can't.

So there is no normal. There's me, there's you, there's

Justin, there's Brittany, there's Finn and others.

So yeah. Yeah, and you know, parenting.

Parenting is hard enough. Yes, it is.

And as I said earlier, you're trying to, you know, raise up

good people, take kids and turn them into responsible citizens.

And. We're not raising children,

we're raising adults. Yeah, exactly.

And that's tough enough. And there's so many different

opinions on, you know, this, you know, discipline your children,

you know, correction, all these things.

I mean, it's just everyone has their own opinion, which is

fine, but then you, you throw in that, that extra layer of, you

know, yeah, another challenge, autism, whatever it might be,

the disability, you know, that that adds a whole new level to

it. And so as parents, I don't know

about you guys that feel like a lot of times you're, you're

tough on yourself. I should have done this

differently. I should have said this, you

know, differently or overreacted, you know, this

time. And so you kind of go around

beating yourself up and then, you know, you have another,

another challenge that we were like we were talking about here.

So it's it's good to kind of remember that you're doing the

best you can. And so that's.

God's grace. Yeah.

And so I would as as you said earlier, Brittany, telling a

parent they've done a good job today.

Any parents listening to this right now?

Are you doing a good job? Keep up the good work.

Exactly as a grandmother and what we say that our our

grandchildren come along and we spoil them in a totally

different way than we did our kids.

And you're the kids will say you didn't let me get away with

that. You didn't let me do that.

You know what, you know what? I remember all of that.

Now I know what not to do. You know, I've been there, done

that. Now this little guy is going to

learn. I'm going to learn from all my

things that I wish I could change for him.

It's not that he's getting away with what you didn't get away

with, you know? I got away with a lot of stuff

though. So it was pretty good, I would

say to to parents who have children and not just children

in different situations, but there are times when you you

want to go to the altar or you want to go have some time.

Don't neglect the fact that you have a family here.

And I want to make sure that you know, hey, I can come sit with

Finn. I I don't have a problem coming

and sitting with Finn and Oliver.

If you want to have a moment, you know what I'm saying?

I think that's another thing that we can all learn to do to

cover y'all. So you can have mommy daddy time

with the Lord. That's another level of ultra

working, right? Yeah, whole another level.

We can do it. You know, convict somebody today

or. Whatever that comes out, hey,

I'm just saying. Got a great idea here, Yeah.

I mean, I, Brayden's still young, but I tell you, the

hardest thing I think as a dad is when you look back and you

think, oh, did I? Did I overreact?

Was, I mean, did he did me trying to be disciplinary or

whatever the case may be? Did he take that as I'm the bad

guy? And I just, you know, I that's a

hard thing that I've learned just dealing with.

I can't imagine how it would be if you get to a point where they

are really thinking those things.

And and for parents or for us who may not recognize that our

child may be a different, like they approach it differently and

you don't realize that. Yeah, they really could look at

some things as being, you know what I mean?

Like if to you, it's something that is little or should be

minutered, but to them it is big.

And you didn't know that you overreacted.

But to them, you just man, you just went scorched earth on them

and that, you know what I mean? Like that would just be a a

tough thing because all you really do want is just the best

for them. So yeah, that that that kind of

hits home a little bit for me, just myself, and I'm Brayden.

I don't even know if he's at that point, you know what I

mean? So he's definitely got some of

my ticks, I will say that. I would say with parenting in

general though, as long as you, we're all going to have those

things that we overreact on. We all have bad days, adults,

children, everybody, but it's what you do afterwards that

really counts. I think we should have

communication and we should always say sorry to our

children. They need to know that we're

coming from a place of love, that we love them and that's why

we're not letting them behave a certain way.

But they also need to know that there are certain ways we should

act and shouldn't act in those things.

And when we overreact, we should also say sorry.

Exactly. I agree.

I've done it before. I've had to say it to a child,

you know, when I thought it was this, but it was this.

And then to go to them and say, I'm sorry you, you were right

and Miss Cheryl was wrong and I'm sorry for that, you know, So

I, I agree with you 100%. And that's teaching them as well

as teaching them how you should respond, You know, when you make

a mistake, especially as parents and as adults, we, you know, be

prideful, you know, don't want to admit that.

But I think if we start start them out early saying hey, it's

OK to say sorry and you should, they will, they will definitely

have better a better adults. Right.

One more area of talking in this that I don't know if you guys

have even you may not even be able to comment on it at all.

But I've I've seen it before where having a child who is on

the spectrum can cause a lot of stress on parents and can even

put a nail or a wedge in between both of the parents.

Like you can get stressed out over the child cause you to get

stressed out with each other, which can lead to some fights,

some issues, things like that, Disagreements, disagreements.

Hopefully I'm not poking the wrong buttons.

But if I had to ask, like maybe you haven't gone through it,

maybe you're going through it, I don't know.

But if you could from your experience in those situations,

if you've had any, what kind of advice could you give to other

parents where they're struggling with what's more important?

And this is terrible to say it this way, but what's how to

prioritize like your child, also your marriage, making sure that

you're not letting the child and their, I don't want to say

difficulties, but their their types get in the way of your

marriage where you're stressing out over each other.

And and then it can cause like I've seen so many where it

causes two people to split up just because of the struggle

with the kid. What advice could you give to

parents who have that and maybe going through something like

that? How do you make it work as a

marriage? Yeah, I will say sometimes it

does get very difficult because you're spending all your time

and sometimes all your energy just trying to keep your child

alive and happy, honestly. And that can put a strain on

your marriage when you don't have enough time for each other

or you're both exhausted because you've been having to discipline

all day long. I will say that you have to make

time for each other, even if that is just a little bit just.

And I have learned because sometimes since I work night

shows, sometimes making time for each other is difficult.

But that will drive a wedge in between you if you don't make

any time for each other. And you have to think about the

fact that two people sometimes parent differently as well and

have different ideas on discipline.

And I think it's very good to talk about with each other so

you're not just down each other's throat all the time.

Like, oh, well, I didn't like how you did that.

I think communication is the key.

And we don't have it all figured out, obviously, But yeah.

And finding someone that you can trust to even watch your kid for

one hour helps. I know that not everybody has

that. And I mean, as a church family,

we need to be more open to that and helping the people in our

church that don't have that so that they can prioritize their

marriage as well. Because we have to be there for

each other for the rest of our lives.

Like eventually we hope that our children will grow up and be

able to take care of themselves and we're still going to be left

with each other. So we have to, we have to, you

know, keep putting energy into it even when we, I mean, even

when you don't feel like it sometimes.

Yeah, you know, I was going to say ask me in 11 years and I'll

tell you. Well, we have made it 10 years,

OK. Well, I mean, I mean, when Pig

gets old enough to be, you know, responsible for himself.

Ask me then, and then I'll tell you how to raise it.

Yeah, I do. You're right.

It takes a village. It really does.

There's a reason that's a saying, and it's so important.

And I agree. That's why I try and tell.

I have friends who and they may even be a single parent in the

situation like you have to take care of you because you can't

take care of him if you're not taking care of you.

So if you need somebody for an hour, 2 hours, I mean, even my

son will call and say, Hey, we need, we need time, you know, to

get out and be a couple. It's that's not just for kit

parents who are in y'all situation.

That's for all parents, you know, and I hope everybody knows

if you get to that point and you just need it, give me a call and

say, hey, you know, I don't. I don't care what, Fenn will

have fun at my house. I'm afraid for Fenn to go

anybody's house. We're afraid that everything

will be broken. Sometimes we get terrified of

going to other people's houses. That's a problem.

Come to mind, Mine's baby proofed pretty much.

It looks like a daycare for real now, yeah.

There's nothing there that's not broken that Braden hasn't found

a way to. I mean, my kid will baby, baby

proof a house pretty quick. If there's something that needs

to be fixed or dressed, he'll figure it out real quickly.

And you'll find out, especially when he's what, 20 feet up the

steps and you realize the gates not there.

You walk in the room and there's three different puzzles that are

1000 pieces each all mixed together.

And he's let's do a puzzle. Make it real challenging.

It's all good. Yeah, it's.

My life, yeah, one of those challenges for me along the same

lines we're talking about with with then, you know, he's

autistic, but it's it's not the non verbal, it's he copes or he

what's the word? He's hyper verbal actually.

And so I like to say that he narrates his life.

Literally. Actually, literally, he does

everything. Yeah.

And so when I come home and brain is the same, it's I mean,

it's just non-stop. And you know, you worked 8910

hour days, you know, and you just won't, you know, peace and

quiet. You just want to relax.

You just want to, you know, decompress, decompress.

Thank you. And but with the child that's

talking 90 miles an hour, it's hard to decompress.

Breathe. Yeah, exactly.

So it's, it's definitely challenging and you know, and

every parent knows that that that works and, and, and and has

a family that's tough enough. But yeah, when you, when you,

and in this case, when he wants to tell you everything and

narrate everything and it's the most important thing.

There's no, there's, there's nothing else that's more

important than what he has to say at that moment.

And so, yeah. And, and he doesn't pick up on,

you know, social cues. He doesn't, doesn't know that

you don't want to hear it or that that you've heard enough

and that you're ready to now he's going to tell you.

He's just going to keep talking. That's like my son in personal

space. He does not understand that, you

know, he does not need to get this close just to talk to you.

I mean, like Brayden, Brayden's that way.

But like when he wants to tell you something, he has to be

right in your face, eye to eye. You got to be able to smell.

He wants to smell your breath. He wants to, you know, if you're

not looking eye to eye with him, you're not listening.

I don't know if he feels like he's got to tell you even though

he's talking. I know he, he, he can't, he gets

going and it's just, I mean. He's talking.

His tongues, you know what I mean?

So, but he's in your face and he's got to tell you and he's

got to sit on your lap. Sometimes he's like, he's got to

hold your arms. It's like.

Hold your face. Yeah, yeah.

He'll do that too, both cheeks and he's just like I got to tell

you this. Right now.

Finn does that a lot, except he will actually take.

If you're not paying attention, he will take his hand and move

your face to look at you. He wants you to be looking at

him like you need to pay attention.

And he's not trying to be rude, that's just I don't if you know

anything about autism. When Finn first started telling

us he wanted things, he wouldn't ask you for what he wanted.

He would take you to what he wanted and just expect you to

know what he wanted. So now he kind of does the same

with his with your face pretty much and gets very close to you

as well. He has to know that you're

listening. So just so you know, if Finn is

ever in his in your personal space, he just doesn't

understand, OK? He's not trying to be mean.

He really just. Doesn't understand that could be

said of any other child as well. You're being very open with us

about Finn. But there are other children in

our congregation. Maybe they're visiting or maybe

they're part of our normal congregation.

That may be the same way to just extend that grace and

understanding. I think it's my desire.

I want them to all feel loved. And every kids different.

One kid may be their miscue for social cues may be getting too

close. Another kid may be that you

can't get within a certain distance.

This is my space. If you get any closer.

This is that's why I like I always in like freaking out like

with Braden, because I'm like he he's the type that again, there

is no there is no personal space.

You know, I'm going to be right here close up on you.

And that's just the way that is. But then if he gets around a kid

who has to have at least a three foot barrier around them, and

Brayden doesn't understand that, then that kids freaking out and

then Brayden starts freaking out and both of them are like, it's

like positive and negative, like what's what's going on?

So I, I feel that I'm like, huh, I just get jump ahead.

Yeah, I'm like, look, he he's not trying to purposely trigger

your child. He just doesn't, you know?

That's weird. Well, yeah, I think that's hard

with Finn too, is because he wants to be get close to you,

but he doesn't want you necessarily to get close to him.

It has to be like on his terms. And the hand flapping, I think

sometimes gets people like, especially when we're out places

because people like, don't understand.

And they'll like, be like, oh, he's going to hurt my child or

something because he does get very excited and doesn't have

spatial awareness. And I think we just all should

have an open mind. And of course, we don't want him

to hurt anyone else's child. But also I just think that

sometimes society as a whole looks at it like, oh, like, your

child's weird. Why are you doing that?

And we need to be more open and make children feel more OK to be

themselves. Well, most kids are weird,

right? I mean, I'm weird so I'm going

to say. We live in a world full of yeah.

I was talking about praise and worship and and and and then

when the other other children got baptized last Sunday, you

know, they brought the Sunday school kids up there and watch

what I think it's great. Well, you know, the music was

bumping and when the sun school teachers he was was worshipping

with fan because fan was jumping up and down.

Hey, that's fine. Like, you know, I was up there

with them and so I was just observing and you know, hey, I

let him, you know, let him go. But then he started doing hand

stands off the steps of the platforms.

I had to intervene. I fell.

Like we're getting a little carried away.

Finn also did say this morning he knows how he can and can't

dance anymore so. Yeah, I was trying to teach.

Him a little they can't and they can, you know, but.

He said I learned not how not to dance when Daddy got me off.

True, true. So you mentioned for him, it was

it was hand flapping, how he kind of like smells.

Were there any other kind of cues that he might have given

off that now that you look back, it's like, oh, that was that was

something I could have watched for.

What are some clues that for parents who maybe they they,

they're at that point like is my kid, you know, what are some

clues or do you know of to look for?

Yeah, for Finn it was just loud noises when he should have been

past that stage of being scared of everything, like flushing

toilets and hand dryers and the blender.

And he's to the point where he will not to be TMI, but he will

literally pee on himself if someone flushes the toilet while

he's going to the bathroom or if it's a self flushing toilet

because he has to cover his ears.

So he literally cannot stand it. I know that all some children do

certain skills and then stop doing those skills.

The pediatrician supposed to do like a especially at 18 months I

think or two years a full screening.

But like for Finn, I would also tell parents don't answer the

questions of the pediatrician like you think they can do.

You need to answer as they are doing it because we thought Finn

could do more things and then we realized, oh wait, he really

can't do that. Like eat with a fork or a spoon

when he was younger and stuff like that.

Any sensory avoiding and they can also be sensory seekers,

which means they like to jump and crash and they like to feel

pressure. Those are all like the sensory

system not being what's typical I guess.

Regulated. Yeah.

Yeah. And also, you know, we with him

too, he was because he was verbal and he still is lost.

He likes to talk a lot, but he was, he learned words pretty

quickly. But as we got, as he got older,

we hadn't taken the speech therapy for quite a few years

because he wasn't saying certain words correctly were certain

sounds. Certainly, you know, a vowel

sounds and, and then the fine motor skills as you were talking

about, you know, eating with a fork and, and, and, and riding.

He even even now, you know, he still struggles with with riding

and he was also seeing signs of dyslexia as well.

Yeah, he might have some kind of visual processing going on

because he's having a very hard time when he looks at pages of

things, where to start even on the page.

But. And I was just.

You know, and I think the more you do at home, the more you let

them draw, let them write is a good way of picking my picking

up on it earlier. That's because, you know, we

thought, hey, you know, he's made all his.

He met all his milestones like he was supposed to develop his

development, development milestones.

He he met those that they do at the pediatrician's office.

But as he got a little older and, you know, those milestones

became quote, UN quote more harder, you know, then that's

when he began to. He.

Also had a if you ever talk to Finn, you'll realize he does not

really do back and forth conversation very well.

He is going to tell you what he wants to tell you, and then he

kind of checks out. Like it's.

That's very common with autistic children is they have something

that they want to say, but they don't have back and forth

conversation very, very well because it's on their mind.

They say it and then that's it. That's it.

Yeah, they move on. So the biggest thing it sounds

like really off the RIP is being open to this possibility that

your child may be like, they may be this way, not just this, you

know, I can't think of in a way of being in denial of no, this

isn't my kid. They don't struggle with this,

even though they might. And, and just, you know, for a

parent, if you, if you're so hyper focused on being in denial

of what your kid is or isn't in a way, you're, you're possibly

denying your child the best care that they might need.

So it's better for them for you to be open and accepting.

And again, not thinking of it as this taboo.

You know, I almost likened it to what, you know, like if you, if

you read the Bible and you're looking at how they would look

at people who were blind or deaf, you know, they would all

like the story where Jesus healed the blind man and they

go, well, what sin did you commit or what did you do wrong

to be this way? Like there's nothing wrong.

It's just this was an opportunity for God to be able

to show himself and like, so it sounds like to me as a parent,

it's just, it's just being open to it.

Like there's nothing wrong. It's just different and, and,

and not being in denial, especially when you go to the

possibility of getting tested or when you go to the pediatrician

or anything like that. Just kid may be that way, may

not be that way. All kids are different.

None of them are normal. Yours just might have a little

bit more of an extra layer added on a personality and just not

being in just again, not denying or trying to lie about where

they are. I think that's what Brittany

said that struck me, she said be honest.

Just be honest. Honesty is going to help with

everything. And I think just also knowing

that if as a parent, you feel like something's off, it

probably is. And knowing like, I know you're

talking about denial, but also I think sometimes as parents, we

get caught up like, Oh, well, am I thinking too far into this?

But I think as parents, it's, it's OK for us to advocate for

our child. And if we think something's off,

to be like, hey, like, can we just pursue this a little bit

further and just have an open mind to that?

It may be that they need a little extra help.

It may not, but it's always good to know.

Fight for them. Fight for them.

Absolutely so. I think you've kind of given

your opinion, but I kind of want to highlight on this again,

your, your instincts as a parent to your child are going to be

more in tune. And I hope I don't offend

anybody, but they're going to be more in tune than your parents

opinion of your child. The grandparents will say that

or the friends or the aunt or the uncle.

I've heard, and I've seen a lot where mom and dad might think

one way, like, hey, we probably need to take this step, but then

the grandparent comes in and says, no, no, no, no, no, that's

we don't, you don't do that or whatever the case is.

And they almost kind of convince you that your instincts are

wrong. Like I've seen that.

So I, I feel like you've already kind of said like, no go based

on your instincts, but like how important is that in itself to

to say, hey, look, your instincts are they're there for

a reason. Well, yeah, I mean with Finn,

I'll just say my family wasn't really sure they they were kind

of the ones that kept saying like, oh, he's just an A typical

boy, like he's fine. There's there's nothing going

on. So I think sometimes as a

parent, you just have to not listen to that external factors,

it's hard sometimes, especially people that took care of you.

But as a parent, you know your child best, you've been with

them, you know them even better than the psychologist that maybe

do the test. And that's why they always ask

for you to fill out parent questionnaires.

Yeah. Well, I'm not going to hold you

too much longer. Is there any more advice or

anything else you would you would say to other parents who

may be going through what you've gone through in any kind of way?

Just keep going and. You know, going back to your

last question, yeah, you have to advocate for them.

I mean, you are the first line of defense.

And so that's the most important thing is, is being their voice,

even when you don't know exactly how that's going to come out or

how that's going to sound. But just just seeking answers

and, and don't be afraid to reach out for help because we

know we're all struggling in our own way.

So yeah, just be, you know, be their biggest advocate.

I just want to say that I think you guys are awesome and I am so

impressed with how you have been.

I I was overwhelmed with the effort and thought that you put

a defend from the very beginning.

I was blessed to kind of come in on it when he was thinking about

preschool. And I was just so touched by you

as a mom going so deep within you to fight for him.

And I could cry right now, but I think you guys are amazing and I

think God puts very special parents with kids that need that

extra hug. So thank you, prayers for you

and support for y'all. Yeah, anyone's welcome to as

Brittany has already voiced, anyone's welcome to reach out to

us. Yeah, I mean, and I want to

thank you as well for coming on and being open with me.

Like I said, when when this, I think I was getting the same

kind of thought for this kind of style of an episode the same

time that she was in like in my head, it was just one of those

things. I remember the conversation that

I was talking to, it was with Brooke and mom.

We were all at the table and they're saying, like, I would

love to do a podcast episode, but make this the topic because

it's such a taboo topic and I think it needs to be talked

about. And I think it's something that

is important. And I don't I forget if it was

Brooke or mom or at the same time they were like, well, you

know who you need to get on, You know who you talk to.

I told her I was like, I was like, who?

Because anybody that I've ever thought of would like kind of, I

don't want to say like ask them like, Hey, can you talk about

this? Because what if they get

offended or they get angry and they were like, no, you need to

go talk to Brittany and Justin because they're open about it.

They're they're. The people I told them I was

like, I would love for you to do a podcast on that because I

think it is that important and I'll tell you who is a fighter

for it. Well, and I think if we're not

open about it, like we haven't ever specifically told Finn that

he has autism, but we're very open with him that his thinking

may be a little different than others because we don't want

someone else telling him that. We want him to know that it's

OK. So we do try to be open with it

because we want him to feel like maybe I do think a little bit

differently, but that's OK. Yeah, that's it.

It makes it's it's awesome. It's really awesome to see.

And like I said, I just thought it was just funny like those

that Brooke and mom were both on the same page and I was like, I

kind of want to do this. And they were like Brittany

breaking ship, get Brittany in there.

And I was like, OK, well, if if she's open to it, like it was

really touchy. I was like, man, who am I going

to talk to? Who can I ask or approach about

it that won't get offended because it has nothing to do

with like, I don't know, being judged.

It's just, this is something that I think is important and

needs to be talked about. Who's willing to talk about it.

So I, I want to thank you for coming on and for, and for being

open with us and, and, and being specific.

I mean, a lot of these things can be down, down deep and, and,

and close to the heart. And hopefully somebody takes

this and learns from it and, and takes the advice and says, well,

you know, my kid is not, they're different.

They're not different in a bad way.

They're. Different.

Yeah, we're just all different colors of the same picture.

Yes, I believe now more than ever this is a ministry that God

wants to have in the church and I think you're propellers of

that and and let God use you for that ministry because it is a

big ministry. There are a lot of parents that

are not going to church because of their children and that's not

OK. God said not to deny anybody,

let them all come. So I do believe that you will be

a great propeller for this ministry.