When Mercy Gets Messy | Alex Gallien | "Red Letter Summer Pt. 10

They already mentioned it, but last night's back to school bash was incredible.

Uh and as good as the fruit was, I want to take a moment and just say like, we have the coolest youth group in the entire world.

I'm so proud of these kids.

Uh they lead the way and just in worship and in prayer, and they bring so much passion to the table.

And that's not just because they're awesome, it's because they have great leaders.

It's, I mean, you don't know this, but there's like 25 to 30 youth leaders that are there every single Wednesday night.

There were so many people that were here for like 13 hours yesterday, not including safety team, production team, we're media team, all the teams that had to make that happen.

But as a result of these youth leaders, and maybe more than anything, as a result of an incredible youth pastor with vision, with work ethic, with drive, with gifting, with anointing, something last night was able to be so effective.

And so, would you do me a favor and just thank God for Jacob Irvin, for his team, for our youth group, man?

We love you guys.

Of course, it's why these flags are still up last night.

They were gonna get the scissor lift and take them down.

And I was like, nope, there's gonna be a lot of our church that wasn't here for the back to school bash.

So um, they're gonna get to enjoy this, at least, bare minimum.

But with that being said, today's week 10 of a series that we've been in all summer called Red Letter Summer, where we are spending every Sunday covering as much Jesus as possible.

And we're doing this because I don't know, the first half of this year, we spent a lot of time covering some deep and practical theology.

And as important as that is, I think if we don't make sure that in all of our learning that we are just simply leaning into and remembering the words of Jesus Himself, none of that theology makes a difference.

And so throughout the summer, we've given ourselves time to cover the words of Jesus and the teachings of Jesus and stories from Jesus.

And if you're familiar with the Bible historically, in a Bible, Jesus' words show up in red font, hence the name of our series, Red Letter Summer.

And over the past two weeks, we've been covering what is what I mean, I would consider easily one of the most encouraging stories that Jesus ever told, known as the parable of the prodigal son, which is this iconic tale about a kid who takes his dad's hard-earned life savings and he goes and he wastes it in selfish and reckless pleasures until the Bible says one day he comes to his senses and he decides to return home empty and broken and ashamed and embarrassed, expecting at least a lecture from his dad, possibly expecting some sort of punishment, definitely expecting to arrive to the doorstep for the dad to say, uh-uh, you're not my son anymore.

Get out of here, you don't have a place.

And then the exact opposite thing happens.

He arrives home and his dad sees him coming from a long way off.

He takes off running after his kid.

And right when you think he's gonna like, I don't know, punch his kid or something.

It says he tackles him, he showers him with mercy, with hugs, kisses, he gives him back everything that he left behind, and then he throws a full-blown party in honor of his return.

It's one of the great and maybe most beautiful outside of Jesus on the cross, and maybe one of the most beautiful pictures of the love of God and the mercy of God that he extends to every single one of us.

That's what we talked about two weeks ago.

Last week, though, we talked about another character in this story that we didn't cover two weeks ago.

We talked about the older brother.

The other brother in this story who, when the younger brother uh went off and, you know, wasted all of his dad's money in wild living.

There was this older brother who stayed home.

He stayed put.

He was responsible, he was reliable, he worked the farm, he did what he was supposed to.

He seemingly doesn't make any mistakes at all until, of course, this younger brother returns home, and then suddenly he is furious at the party that the dad's throwing in honor of his return, so much so he won't even go into this party.

And in doing so, he models for us the timeless truth that you can be in the father's home and still miss out on the father's heart, because the father's heart is always going to be bent toward mercy, because God's will for you isn't just for you to receive forgiveness, it's not just for forgiveness to flow to you, it's for God's forgiveness to flow through you.

And so now the question that we have to ask ourselves, if we know that's the case, if we know that's the expectation, the question is, okay, well, how do we do that?

How do we actually practically forgive people who hurt us and who cause us pain?

Uh, maybe another question does God really expect us to forgive and forget?

Another question, how am I supposed to reconcile with people who've caused me pain?

Am I actually supposed to reconcile with everybody?

Is that always a good decision?

Is God forcing me to do that?

And then maybe another question is is it un-Christian to want someone to have to experience the consequences of the wrong that they did to me?

Is that unchrist-like?

Does that not fall in line with the Bible?

We're gonna cover all that and more today in a sermon that we're calling When Mercy Gets Messy.

When Mercy Gets Messy.

And let me say, uh, that's one heck of a sermon title, isn't it?

Okay, uh I heard the collective, oh, oh, oh, when I said it out loud.

I think it's one heck of a sermon title too.

And uh, so if you want to text me and say, hey man, really appreciate your work that you put in these sermon titles, uh, just let me know.

I'll uh file that away and never think about it again and never let it go to my head if you do that.

Um, I went with this sermon title for more than one reason, not just because I thought it was catchy, even though it is.

Do you see what I'm doing there?

I'm like complimenting myself again.

I went with this because there are a lot of things that I'll never be able to promise you.

Okay.

I and Christians, it's like funny.

We make people these promises and we think that we just say things that are just certain and they're absolute.

There are so many things that I can never promise you.

I am not ever gonna be able to promise anyone in this room that you are gonna love the job that you went to college for.

Can't make that promise.

Cannot make you the promise that you're gonna get married.

I know some of our young adults are like, what?

I can't.

I cannot make you the promise that someone's gonna want to marry you, all right?

Because we know you and you know you, and it might not happen.

I can't make you the promise that when you have kids, that they're gonna be good looking.

Unfortunately, that's not how it always rolls.

I can't make you the promise that you're gonna be a millionaire.

I can't promise you that you're gonna have that six-pack that you've been wanting this entire time.

I can't promise you that you're ever gonna post a video on TikTok that's gonna go viral.

I can't make you any of those promises.

The one thing that I can for sure promise you, I mean unequivocally, and tell you 100% with certainty is this at some point in your life, you are gonna get hurt by someone else.

It is gonna happen.

Whether it's someone that you're in school with, someone that you work with, someone that you live with, an ex, a spouse, another family member, one of your friends, someone that you go to church with, someone that you play sports with, people are gonna let you down.

You're gonna get lied to, you're gonna get betrayed, you're gonna get gossiped about, you're gonna get treated in ways that you don't deserve to be treated.

You are going to suffer injustice and possibly even violence at the hands of someone else.

It's gonna happen.

It's not a matter of if, it's a matter of when.

And when it happens, you're gonna be left with one of two choices.

Either one, you can harbor lifelong feelings of bitterness and resentment toward that person as long as you both shall live.

Or two, you can begin embracing the sometimes painful and grueling yet healing process of forgiveness.

There's only two options you're either gonna harbor those feelings of bitterness and resentment, or you're gonna embrace that process of forgiveness, a process that is oftentimes much more complicated and much messier than pastors tell you on the front end.

We preach sermons like this and make it seem so easy and so obvious and so smooth when in reality mercy can be really messy.

And so, my hope today is nothing else other than just to set you up for success as to when that time comes around.

And so, if you're like me, and you would be honest enough to say that you love Jesus and you're wanting to grow in your relationship with God, and Jesus has already changed your life in a bunch of ways, and you have a new, fresh, clean kingdom heart, and you've been reborn and you're following him the best way you know how, but you still at times find yourself struggling to extend forgiveness.

And number one, welcome to the club, right there with you.

I would say of all the things that I still gotta work on, of all the areas of growth in my life, that is number one, numero uno, and it's not even close.

And if you feel the same way, be encouraged.

Jesus's closest friends, literally, one of his closest disciples, feels this exact same way.

If you have your Bibles, I'll let you go ahead and open them up because we're gonna be in this story all day.

You can open them up to Matthew chapter 18, and we're gonna start in verse 21, just to be specific.

Matthew 18 · chapter mention

Matthew 18, verse 21.

Matthew 18:21

Even though I know they're gonna be embarrassed when I do this, uh, we've got the McKinsey High School soccer team here, right?

Just by a show of hands, if you're with McKinsey High School soccer team, let me see where you're at.

Hey, we love you guys.

Can we give it up for them and just tell them how much we appreciate having you guys here?

Super cool that you guys are here.

Matthew 18, 21.

This is Peter, one of Jesus' main bros, one of his closest disciples.

It says this Peter came to Jesus and he asked, Lord, how often should I forgive someone who sins against me?

Seven times.

Now there are Bible scholars who believe that at this point in time in Israel, there were religious teachers who were telling people that you only had to forgive someone up to three times per day.

And so when Peter confronts Jesus and he says, How much should we forgive people?

Seven times?

The idea is that he's doubling this number and then maybe adding one for good measure in the same way that Peter does consistently through the narrative of the gospels.

He's trying to look spiritually impressive.

He's trying to show Jesus just how much more mature he is than all of these other disciples.

And Jesus' response to Peter is I it's iconic because you already know what he says, but let's read it.

It's the next verse down, Matthew 18, 22.

Jesus goes, No, not seven times.

And you can pause right there because you got to assume that when they hear that, no, not seven times, they're thinking, well, good, because I wasn't gonna do that anyways.

Forgiving someone seven times sounds awful, and it actually sounds unfair, and I don't think I can do that.

So thank you, Jesus.

We didn't think that was gonna be what you were gonna tell us to do, but hey, it feels nice, right?

And then Jesus continues, no, not seven times, but seventy times seven times.

And you can imagine the look of horror on their faces when he says this.

But when Jesus does say this, he sets in action what would soon become the defining factor in the kingdom of God.

Not a defining factor, but the defining factor in the kingdom of God that we are to become people who are defined and known for our scandalous willingness to offer mercy and forgiveness.

And then he sets this principle into play and he kind of comes on the backside to drive his point on even harder, and he gives us one of the most gut-wrenching parables that we ever get from Jesus.

And this is in starting in verse 23.

He says, Therefore, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who borrowed money from him.

In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.

Well, he couldn't pay his master.

And so his master ordered that he be sold along with his wife and children and everything that he owned to pay the debt.

But the man fell down before the master and he begged him, please just be patient with me and I'll pay it all back.

Let me pause right there.

He wasn't gonna be able to pay him all back.

The idea of this story is that he owed him so much money that never in his lifetime was he ever going to be able to pay him back.

He owed him Elon Musk money, okay?

Millions, millions, millions of dollars.

Dude was never gonna be able to pay this back.

And yet he says, Be patient, I'll take care of it, I'll pay it all back.

In verse 27, well, then his master was filled with pity for him.

And so he just released him and he forgave his debt entirely.

But when that man left the king, he went to a fellow servant who only owed him a few thousand dollars.

Mind you, a debt that he could have paid back, just a few thousand dollars.

And he grabbed that servant by the throat and demanded instant payment.

Well, in the same way that this guy had just done, his fellow servant falls down before him and begs him for a little bit more time.

Be patient with me, I'll pay it back, he pleaded.

But his creditor wouldn't wait.

He had the man arrested and put in prison until the debt could be paid in full.

Well, when some of the other servants saw this, they rightfully were very upset.

And they went to the king and they told him everything that had happened.

And then the king called in the man that he'd forgiven, and he says, You evil piece of garbage, I forgave you that tremendous debt because you pleaded with me.

Shouldn't you have had mercy on your fellow servant just as I had mercy on you?

And then the angry king sent that man to prison to be tortured until he'd paid his entire debt.

And that's what my heavenly Father will do to you if you refuse to forgive your brothers and sisters from your heart.

Now that is, as I said, a gut-wrenching and somewhat terrifying passage of scripture.

And the anecdote that Jesus is trying to get across within this lesson is this as warranted as it sometimes can legitimately feel, an unresolved bitterness can very easily turn into a self-inflicted prison sentence.

I want you to consider the fact that this servant didn't go to prison because of his$10 million debt.

It wasn't his millions of dollars in debt that got him locked up and thrown away.

It was his unwillingness to forgive someone else of their debt that got him locked up and thrown away.

And in the same sense, as wonderful and as amazing as it is for us to receive God's unearned and unmerited forgiveness, as incredible as that really is, lasting freedom will not be accessed simply by receiving forgiveness.

Lasting freedom will only be accessed by you being willing to extend forgiveness and to extend the same mercy to other people that God has so richly showered upon you.

That's where your lasting freedom is gonna come from.

Okay, you remember the man in this story, as forgiven as he was, he refused to extend that same type of mercy to everyone else, and he ended up being the one that got trapped in prison.

Meaning, no matter how poorly you've been treated, whether they talked about you, lied about you, let you down, treated, I mean, did something unthinkable to you, or even hurt you, physically hurt you, the unforgiveness that we hold on to so tightly, you know it's not hurting anyone but you.

And how does it work?

No, this is how it works.

Okay, let me let me get into your brains real quick and replay some of your uh last month's uh life to you.

This is how it works.

You lose sleep at night because of how mad you are at that person, and you stay up thinking about it, and you scream in your pillow and you hit your bed because you know you're not manly enough to hit a wall, because then you're gonna have to fix the wall and it's gonna hurt.

So you hit your bed real hard.

And or maybe you just stay up scrolling because as long as you're looking at something else, you don't have to think about what they said or what they did, and you get a little bit of rest from that.

And meanwhile, that person went to bed at 9:30.

They wake up rested and they go to work out in the morning and start out their day really great.

You go to work and you see that person who said that mean thing to you, who did that thing that you didn't deserve, or maybe you're just thinking about it in your head all day long, and therefore now it's impending or it's infringing upon your ability to do your job well because you're thinking about that all day long.

So now you're failing at your career.

Meanwhile, that person is getting promoted and they're getting raises, right?

Your anger is causing you to miss out on really great moments with your kids because all you're thinking about is what they did and what they said.

Meanwhile, this person's going to Disney World and they're posting pictures and they're having a great time.

You are trapped in some kind of addiction because that's the only way you learned how to cope with what they did to you.

You were young when it happened, you couldn't defend yourself, and now suddenly you got to get high every night just so you can get a little rest.

You gotta drink hardcore every night or every weekend.

Or maybe it's food.

For some of you, the addiction isn't drugs and alcohol, it's sugar, it's bread, it's dessert, it's pizza, it's burgers.

Why?

Because well, when you're eating that, at least you get a moment of just like, oh, this feels good, and you're not thinking about it.

For others of you, it's a secret addiction to pornography.

You're not looking at pornography because of lust.

I mean, maybe you are, maybe that's 50%, but the other side of the coin is you're looking at it because you you in those few moments, you just don't have to think about anything else.

And here you are suffering from addiction, and meanwhile, their life is moving forward quite nicely.

Now, that's not to downplay what they did or what they said to you, because forgiving someone else doesn't mean that you're condoning their bad decisions, forgiving someone else just means that you're done allowing the decisions of the past to determine and control your present.

Because you understand that the only person that your bitterness and your grudge and your resentment is hurting, anyways, is you.

I recently heard Pastor Josh Howarton say it like this.

I thought it was super cool.

He said, If heaven is the one place where everyone is forgiven, and hell is the one place where nobody experiences forgiveness, then when you extend forgiveness, it's as if you are pulling heaven down into your life.

But when you withhold forgiveness and you walk in that grudge and that bitterness, it's as if you're pulling hell up into your life.

And so now you gotta make a decision.

Are you done dragging that hell-like prison of bitterness around with you everywhere you go?

Or are you ready to just let go and finally walk in the freedom that heaven already paid for you to experience, anyways?

It's on you.

Within this conversation, though, I think there's another factor surrounding forgiveness that it would be irresponsible for me to not bring up.

So let's do this, okay?

Here is the reality that some of you are not willing to face or fess up to.

As many times as other people have hurt you, you are guilty of hurting other people.

Okay, in case this has flown under your radar and you've missed it, and no one has filled you in on this thing called reality in a long time.

Let me be the voice of reason to you for just a second, okay?

Just three words.

You ain't perfect.

I said it in southern language.

I used the word ain't so that you could fully understand what I'm saying.

As a matter of fact, do me a favor, because sometimes you believe this stuff when it comes out of someone else's mouth more than when it comes out of my mouth.

Look at the person you're sitting next to and remind them and say, You ain't perfect.

Some of you husbands made a bad decision just then, dude.

That's the one time you were not supposed to take my word of advice.

You were not supposed to do what I told you to do.

Some of you wives like that too much.

It was like you took a knife just then, and I told you.

But it's true.

As sweet as you are, as pretty as you are, as tough as you are, you ain't perfect.

Let me say this you ain't even close to perfect, you are really far from perfect, and as many times as you have been offended, you are guilty of being the offender.

You are guilty of being mean.

You realize that you are mean to people, you are rude to people, you are selfish, you are hateful, you say things about people behind their back that you would never say to their face.

You treat people in ways that you would never want people to treat you.

And in light of you being fully aware of that fact, and knowing that God is fully aware of that fact, and knowing that God still forgives you, we should be becoming.

Painfully more and more aware of just how unimpressive and sinful and messy we really are, we should be becoming experts at acknowledging the fact that we treat other people like garbage sometimes, and we should be really good at looking people right in the eyes and saying, I'm sorry, I was wrong.

Will you forgive me?

But you want to know the big problem with that?

That phrase I'm sorry, I was wrong.

Will you forgive me?

It's the hardest phrase that any of us ever have to utter out of our mouths.

And every married person in this room knows that I ain't lying.

Tell me what the hardest conversation was that you had recently.

And if it's not when you had to own up to your own wrongdoing, I will look at you and just call you blissfully unaware because you know it is.

And you know, let me say this this is especially true for the men in this room.

I find it, and this is a stereotypical example, but I meet with a lot of people.

I find that on average, women are the first to say that they're sorry most of the time, and I think that that is pathetic and weak.

You call yourself the leader of your household, the spiritual leader, and you won't lead in saying you're sorry?

You know good and well you let your wife down, you let your kids down last week or a month ago, and you still haven't looked them in the face and said, That's my bad, you didn't deserve that, I'm sorry.

That's what we call a joke.

And this is why in my wife's relationship, in our relationship, when we have difficult marriage conversations, otherwise known as arguments, and otherwise known as fights, because you know the difference.

There's an argument, and then there's World War Seven.

When the fight breaks out, and I'm not talking about like punching, okay?

Where none of that's happening, at least not yet.

I'm kidding.

None of that's happening.

There's no fighting, but I mean, there's no punching, but there's definitely fighting.

And when we fight, we have we're not opposed, I'm not opposed to arguing.

I think married people should argue, I think married people should talk stuff out.

It's actually a form of healthy communication because oftentimes in those moments where you're arguing and you're fighting, you're saying truthful things for the first time in like three months.

And that's good.

You should say those things.

But in order to make sure that those things get said in a healthy way, we have established what we call rules to help us fight fair.

Okay, and we'll talk through some of these rules in a sermon a couple months from now when we talk about when we get into our relationship series.

It's gonna be so much fun.

I haven't done one of those since like 2020.

But when we do, we'll talk about this.

But one of our rules for fighting fair is that in order for the argument or the scuffle or whatever you want to call it, in order for that to be over, the person who is guilty of wrongdoing, which is oftentimes both people by the end of the argument, it started off one person was at fault, and then by the end of the argument, not both people are at fault.

In order for that to come to a close, three things have to happen.

Number, and we hold ourselves to this every time.

Number one, the person who is guilty of wrongdoing has to establish a physical connection with the other person, meaning we have to like touch them on the shoulder, place our hand on their leg.

If we're driving, we grab their hand, we have to establish that connection that's been broken because of the argument.

Number two, we have to, and wait for this, guys.

This is gonna sound so foreign to many of you who have no idea how to use your words to articulate your feelings.

We have to use our words to describe the wrong that we did.

We have to describe it in painful detail.

I did this to you, and you did not deserve for this to happen.

So we have to do that, and then number three, we have to look the other person in the face and say, and I'm sorry for that.

Now, mind you, with a tone and with an attitude that is appropriate.

If the appropriate tone and attitude does not exist, no apology has been extended.

We have to look them in the face and say, You didn't deserve for me to do that.

And I'm sorry, and I'm gonna be better next time.

Will you forgive me?

And it is painstakingly hard because we are all stubborn people and prideful people who disdain the thought of being wrong, who disdain the idea of having to own up that we're not right, and yet, if you want your world and your spouse and your family and your community and your church and your school and your team and your workplace to experience the healing that is genuinely available, then you let on the count of three, say the word me.

One, two, three.

Yeah, that's who I'm talking to right now.

Quit thinking I'm talking to your spouse, quit thinking I'm talking to someone else that you work with.

I'm talking to you.

You have to be willing to lay your pride to the side.

You have to be willing to see through the lens of someone else and to humbly notice and admit the wrong that you brought to the table, even if it's just something that you feel like is small and minor, they don't feel like it's small and minor, and you have to admit it.

And while my deepest hope in prayer is that everyone in this room, whether it pertains to any relationship in your life, people you live with, people you work with or go to school with, my while my prayer is that all of you have the opportunity to experience that kind of healing and that kind of resolve in any of the tension or the friction that you experience with other people in your life, it is also fair to say that that's not always doable.

It's not always possible, and there are situations where maybe it's not healthy for you to talk with that person, and there are situations where maybe it's not even possible for you to do that.

And that's why, within this conversation about how we forgive people or what forgiveness does mean, we also gotta take just a second to talk about what forgiveness does not mean.

And we're gonna talk through some things that some of you have said, some of you have believed, and you've wondered why none of it has ever worked.

And we're gonna talk about why.

So, the first thing that for those of you who are taking notes, which like, why wouldn't you be taking notes on this one?

As if this doesn't apply to every human being in this room.

The first thing you need to write down is this number one, forgiveness does not equal forgetfulness.

Forgiveness does not, in fact, equate to forgetfulness.

Let me read you a verse that I think sometimes we use way out of context.

This is Isaiah 43, 25.

Through the prophet Isaiah, God says to his people, I am he who blots out your transgressions for my own sake, and I remember your sins no more.

You know, historically, Christians have used this verse to convince ourselves and to preach to other people that since God forgives and forgets our sin, we are supposed to forgive and forget the sins of other people against us, which is unfortunately a super lie.

Because number one, you've never done that.

Why are you telling people to forgive and forget and you've never done it?

You have never forgotten what they said.

You've never forgotten what they did.

So why are you saying you're supposed to forgive and forget?

That's impossible.

You haven't done it.

Number two, that's not how God works either.

Even though, yes, it the prophet says he remembers your sins no more.

When Isaiah says that God remembers your sins no more, or when the Bible says that he cast our sins as far as the east is to the west, that is a metaphor.

It is poetic language describing how God's not holding your sins against you anymore.

Okay, do not play yourself.

God is all-knowing, meaning he has not forgotten a single part of your life.

And if he did forget it, that wouldn't be forgiveness, anyways.

Forgiveness is not you acquiring some special form of spiritual amnesia where you can no longer remember the mean, nasty, hurtful thing that someone did to you.

Forgiveness is when you are fully aware of what they did, you are fully aware of what they said, you are fully aware of how they treated you, and yet you let them off the hook, anyways.

Forgetting is not forgiving.

Forgiving is forgiving.

Number two, forgiveness does not equal no consequences.

Forgiveness does not equal no consequences.

Even though God most certainly freely forgives us of all of our failures, you do realize that there are still eternal and present-day consequences of every sin that we commit even after we become a Christian.

For example, if you break the law and you go over the speed limit on your way to McKinsey because you are late to church and you've still got to check two kids into kiddos and you don't want to miss the first worship song, and especially you come to the 945 and you know there's not gonna be a seat in there, so you're speeding to try to get here.

Will God forgive you for that?

I hope so.

Because which of you hasn't gone over the speed limit this week, you know, probably all of us.

So yeah, he'll forgive us.

Might you also have to pay a price for that ticket that you receive when the police officer pulls you over?

Certainly, there are still going to be present-day consequences for your sin.

And another way, if you treat someone poorly, if you talk about them behind their back, if you break your word to them, if you hurt them in some way, mentally, relationally, spiritually, physically, will God forgive you for that?

The reality is, yeah, you can do anything to anybody, and God will still forgive you for that.

But might you also have to pay the price of losing a relationship with that person forever?

You might, and that's okay.

And and vice versa, might that person have to pay the price of losing a relationship with you forever?

Yeah, they might have to, and that's okay because forgiveness does not equal no consequences.

Christians have this weird idea that mercy and justice are like two opposing forces, as if God doesn't call himself the God of justice and the God of mercy.

They are not two opposing forces, they are brother and sister.

They are one side, or they there's one coin with two different sides.

Mercy means I release my personal right to take vengeance upon this person.

Justice means wrong is still recognized as wrong, and the appropriate consequences can and should still follow.

Justice means sometimes people do lose their access into your life.

Justice means sometimes you don't, you can't trust that person ever again.

Justice means sometimes that person needs to go to jail for the rest of their life because of what they did.

Mercy is simply you for forgiveness means I'm no longer trying to get payment back for what they did for me.

Because, and why is this?

Because I trust that God sees what happened, and with the help of the authorities, the state, literally the police, the people that God, according to Romans 13, has instituted Himself, I believe that God, along with the people that He's working with, is infinitely more qualified to handle justice than I am.

Justice ain't my job.

My only job is forgiveness.

He is the God of mercy, of which I'm supposed to reflect.

He's also the God of justice, in which that's his job.

Unless I'm a police officer or a judge or a part of the state, then it becomes your job as well.

But it's God's job to take vengeance.

It's God's job to handle justice, it's your job to handle forgiveness.

Number three forgiveness does not always equal reconciliation.

Forgiveness does not always equal reconciliation.

Church people, more than anybody, entertain this wild idea that if forgiveness has been real, then you are supposed to reconcile with that person and have the same kind of relationship, the same level of friendship that you had before.

And while I do believe that that is possible more times than we give credit for, and that is especially true when it comes to a marriage, while I believe that that is possible, it is fair to say that that, number one, isn't always a good idea, and that number two, it isn't always even possible.

Maybe that person hasn't even owned up to their wrongdoing yet.

Or maybe it's a case of physical abuse or sexual misconduct or murder, or maybe the person that you're trying to forgive isn't even alive.

If that's the case, then full-blown reconciliation isn't a feasible option.

And yet, you still don't have to lose sleep over this.

And you want to know why I can say that?

Because you granting forgiveness is not contingent upon you receiving an apology, and you granting forgiveness isn't contingent upon you having a conversation with that person.

The only person that is required for you to extend mercy to someone else is you.

It's just you.

You're the only one required.

But remember, mercy can be messy.

There are moments where the Holy Spirit empowers you to forgive someone, to let it go, to walk away, to not really ever think about it again, to look at that person through the eyes of God, to see them, to love them immediately.

It happens in a moment, in the presence of God, and suddenly you are set free.

And then there are other circumstances where that's not the case.

There are circumstances where you have to walk and embrace the journey, the messy, complicated journey of forgiveness for years, where you have to consistently forgive this person.

I mean, over and over and over.

And then there's times where even as you're forgiving this person over and over and over, it's like right when you think that you've forgiven them and you're good to go, suddenly it comes back up and a wound is reopened, and you have to embrace that journey again, and you have to forgive them again, and it's gonna take time and patience and consistency.

And this is why Jesus says that we have to forgive people 70 times, seven times.

It's not just a command to consistently forgive people, it's a reminder that sometimes, in order for true forgiveness to set in and become real, it's going to take you extending that forgiveness 70 times, seven times.

It's gonna take you years of walking in forgiveness.

And I'm definitely not preaching this sermon from a place of having mastered this.

I am preaching this sermon from a place of having lived through it, though.

Let me say that.

Back in the day, I spent seven years of my life serving faithfully at a ministry and seeing loads of fruit along the way, especially under the pastor who hired me.

I worked for that ministry for two of those years.

I saw all sorts of incredible fruit under the first pastor.

And then there was a change in pastoral leadership, and my life gets flipped upside down.

The new pastor begins berating me for things that my former pastor praised me for.

He calls me into meetings and begins accusing me of stuff that's never happened.

Not asking me if it's happened, but laying down punishments for things that I didn't do and things that didn't happen.

And then there are also moments where I got called into meetings and told that the former pastor, who was still beloved at this church, mind you, that his teaching was toxic and that everything that he taught and the way that he led was toxic, and that if I don't start unlearning some of that stuff, that I'm never gonna fit into the new staff culture that this pastor's trying to create.

And while none of that was actually true, I did my due diligence in trying to follow the leadership of my new pastor, trying to get to know him, and trying to learn what his vision was for my job and for our youth group.

And so on my own, I went out and I scheduled three separate dinners with him just to get to know him, to get to know his family, to hear his vision, to get his expectations, to try and begin figuring out what was in his mind and what he wanted from me as his youth pastor.

And three times he canceled those meetings, twice, 30 minutes beforehand, leaving me hanging.

I then went four months without having a single interaction with that pastor, except for watching him preach on Sunday mornings.

Four months.

No conversation, no text, no interaction whatsoever, until one day he schedules a meeting with me and Sam.

And after four months of having no interactions at all, we walked into this meeting and without any warning, we're fired on the spot and told that we were being replaced by one of my former youth members who had recently told him that he had a dream that he was the new youth pastor.

And that is the reasoning that I got for being fired.

Now, I do not tell you this story so that you can feel sorry for me.

You shouldn't feel sorry for me.

I am, and when I say I am, so glad that that happened.

I would not be here if that didn't happen.

Some of you would not be here if that had not happened.

It is a beautiful reminder that God actually does work all things together for the good of those who love him and who are called according to his word.

I don't bring this up so that you can be sorry for me.

Some of you have gone through this stuff on way more intense levels than I have.

I bring this up to make sure you know that I've walked through this stuff.

I've lived through this.

It took my wife and I years to let go of the bitterness and the pain.

Years right after it happened, we didn't immediately think, well, God, you love them just like you love us.

We forgive them.

No, we went and got drunk a bunch.

You're like, well, am I allowed to say?

Yeah, we went and got drunk a bunch.

We cussed a lot, and we were really upset about this.

And it was like we were debating, do we even want to be in ministry anymore?

And we had to work through this for years.

There was lots of crying, there were lots of praying, there was lots of conversations about this.

And as of recent, over the last couple of years, man, we had been walking in ultra freedom for this.

We were praying for this ministry, reaching out to people, sending texts, supporting what it was that they were doing.

And then earlier this year, one of the people who was involved in that decision to fire me confessed to having spent years of his life molesting two underage minors.

And while it's hard enough to forgive someone for that, I'm looking at the situation going, and you fired me.

And it was like those wounds just opened right back up.

And we're probably still in the process of having to extend that forgiveness.

Even talking about it right now, everything in me just wants to be right and look better than that person.

You know what the reality is though?

I'm not.

I'm gonna hurt some of y'all.

I have hurt some of y'all.

I haven't been perfect to my wife, definitely haven't been perfect with God.

And so this process of forgiveness, it's been messy and it's been complicated.

And I don't want you to think that it's gonna be anything but that for you.

It's gonna be messy and it's gonna be complicated, it's gonna take time, it's gonna take intentionality.

Some moments you're gonna forgive people immediately and it's all gonna go away.

And other moments, you're gonna have to work for weeks and months and years to actually walk into that forgiveness, and then right when you get there, some wound is gonna be reopened, you're gonna be triggered, and you're gonna have to do it all over again.

And you're gonna have to envision them, you're gonna have to get a chair out and envision that they're sitting in that chair, and you're gonna have to name all the things that they did to you, and then you're gonna have to tell the metaphorical person that's sitting in that chair.

But Jesus forgave me, and I'm gonna forgive you too.

And you're gonna have to do it over and over and over, and though it is a messy process, it is one that you should embrace, it's one that you can embrace.

And let me show you why.

This is the last scripture that we're gonna.

Today.

I want you to recall Matthew 18, 23 through 27.

Matthew 18, 23 through 27.

Therefore, the kingdom of heaven can be compared to a king who decided to bring his accounts up to date with servants who borrowed money from him.

In the process, one of his debtors was brought in who owed him millions of dollars.

Well, he couldn't pay.

So his master ordered that he be sold along with his wife, his children, and everything that he owned to pay that debt.

But the man fell down before his master and begged him, please be patient with me, and I'll pay it all back.

And knowing that he wasn't ever actually going to be able to pay it all back, the master was still filled with pity for him.

And he released him and he forgave him of that debt, anyways.

So why is it that we should be forgiving people who hurt us?

Very simply.

Because when you read that story, you're not supposed to identify with the king who's so good at extending forgiveness to everybody else.

You're supposed to read that story and see yourself in the servant.

The one who owed a debt to God that could not be repaid.

The one who owed God a perfect life, and yet you could not live that perfect life.

And so God comes down in the flesh and he dies the death that we deserved because of the sins that we committed, and in doing so, displays the greatest act of radical mercy that humanity has ever seen.

And as recipients of the most extreme case of forgiveness that has ever been offered, we are supposed to just sort of naturally understand and be able to extend that same kind of mercy to everybody else.

It's why Jesus, when he teaches us how to pray in the Lord's Prayer, says, Pray like this, our Father in heaven, hallowed be thy name, may your kingdom come, your will be done on earth as it is in heaven, give us a day our daily bread, and forgive us of our trespasses as we forgive those who have trespassed against us.

It's as if the more we meditate on just how much God has to forgive us for, the most obvious response is extending that same kind of mercy to everyone else.

Because I've tasted and seen God's goodness despite.

And I want you to feel the same way.

And today, I'm gonna give every person in this room, I want to give you guys an opportunity to do that.

First, though, we got to answer the question how?

How do we do that?

We know why.

We know why we did it.

We've been forgiven of our debt.

How do we do it?

Well, we don't go a single day without remembering Jesus' sacrifice on the cross.

You have to consistently remind yourself of Jesus' bloody and mangled body hanging on the cross, being beaten, being tortured publicly, being ashamed, being spit on.

You have to remind yourself that the God of the universe allows the people that He loves and He creates to shove a crown of thorns into the top of His head, and then while hanging on the cross, utters the phrase, Father, forgive them.

Because they don't know what they do.

I want to give some of you the opportunity in here to pray some prayers like that today.

Father, forgive them.

Father, I forgive them.

I forgive them.

Lord, I forgive them in the same way that you forgave me.

I want to give some of you the opportunity to pray a prayer like that in the direction of that former spouse of yours that cheated on you and left you.

Lord, I didn't deserve that.

But you don't deserve how I treat you.

So I forgive them.

I want to give you the opportunity to pray a prayer like that toward the coach or the teacher or the parent who's belittled you, never said that they loved you, never said that they were proud of you, made you feel about this tall all the time.

I release them from that debt.

Lord forgive them.

I want to give you the opportunity to pray that prayer to the entire race of people that has counted you as lesser than simply because of the color of your skin.

Lord, they don't know any better.

It's not fair.

And it's not right.

They don't know any better.

I forgive them.

I want to give you the opportunity to pray that toward that family member that abused you.

Or the kid who doesn't call enough.

Or the friend who you sent you that text where they were talking about you, but they sent it to you.

You saw it.

You go, you gotta acknowledge it and go, This was unfair.

It wasn't good.

But it's not my job to take vengeance.

So Lord, I forgive them.

I want to give some of you the opportunity to pray this prayer towards someone that's not alive anymore.

Or maybe to pray this prayer towards yourself for the reckless and foolish decisions that you made that you still won't forgive yourself for.

And I need you to be able to say, Lord, if you forgive me, then I can forgive me.

So do me a favor.

If you received your note card on the way in, I want you to go ahead and get it out.

You should have a pin either right there in front of you on the chair that's in front of you.

Maybe you brought one in.

If you're sitting on the front row, ask for a pin.

If you're sitting back there, you should have some in those seats.

If not, get up and go find one.

If you need a note card, you didn't grab one on your way in.

There's a table over there, you're welcome to go grab it right now.

This is what we're gonna do.

This is probably not gonna be where your journey of forgiveness ends, but it can definitely be where it starts.

It can definitely be the beginning of something great.

I'm gonna give you a minute or two.

During this minute, we're just gonna sit here silently.

I want you, you can close your eyes.

You don't have to close your eyes, but I want you to think about, I want you to, who is it that the Holy Spirit's talking to you about?

Who is it that you've still got in that chokehold of bitterness?

What face pops up in your mind?

When you get that face, you get that person or that situation, I want you to write their name down on the card.

Maybe you write down, you name what they did, you name the situation.

Put their name, then you write it out.

This is what this person did to me.

And that's where we're gonna stop for now.

We'll come back here in two minutes.

We'll tell you what we're doing after that.

But for now, I want you to take a moment.

I want you to write that name, maybe write the situation, maybe you need to pray for that person, maybe you need to allow the love and mercy of God to wash over you when you're doing this, and maybe you need to cry for a second.

That's cool.

Do it.

You're allowed to do that.

Good.

Hold your card up, let me see it real quick.

Let me see that you've got it.

This is what we're gonna do.

When you read the Old Testament, you read about these things called the altars.

On the altar is where you brought something in order to kill it.

This is where dead things live.

Today, before you leave, what we're gonna do is we're gonna pray.

And then I'm gonna say in Jesus' name, amen.

And as soon as I say that, you're dismissed to leave.

Now they're gonna continue singing, but you're dismissed to leave, and this is what I want to invite you to do, though.

Before you leave, I want to invite you to come up here and lay this on the altar so that it can die.

And this is the way we're gonna do it.

For those of you that are gonna engage in this and do it, I want you to come down these aisles right here in the middle, to lay it on the altar, and then I want you to exit that way.

You got it, so that we can have clear, easy exit.

There's a lot of people in here.

If you're ready for this, you're ready to at least begin this journey.

Hold this up.

Lord, we believe that you're the forgiver of our sin.

We thank you that you've not held anything against us.

That you land our sins to the cross! You nailed our record of our arms to the cross, and you said it's forgiven.

I cast it as far as easy to the west.

I remember it no more.

I blow up your transgressions.

We should follow in your foot.

We shouldn't break the minus.