Powerless Part 1 | Ali

[SPEAKER_00]: And I don't know about you, but I am so glad that even when I am not, he is faithful.

[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, all my name is Ali.

[SPEAKER_00]: I am a grateful believer in Jesus.

[SPEAKER_00]: I struggle with anxiety and co-dependency.

[SPEAKER_00]: Hey, I wasn't sure if you were going to say hey back, hopefully because sometimes y'all are really quick with it and it catches me off guard but that's how I was like a little delayed on it so hey can can I have you guys do something for me really quick um okay make a fest and then I need you to I'm gonna have you do this first no close your eyes and squeeze your fist really hard like as hard as you can

[SPEAKER_00]: And just pay attention to that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Where do you feel that attention?

[SPEAKER_00]: Is it just in your fist or your squeeze in this heart?

[SPEAKER_00]: As you can, maybe you feel it in your forearms down to your elbows.

[SPEAKER_00]: Some of you might be clench in your jaw or your butt cheeks.

[SPEAKER_00]: Keep clench it as hard as you can.

[SPEAKER_00]: OK. Three, two, one, release it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I think sometimes we think we're holding on to control and that little bit of thing.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's only effect in that one thing, or maybe it's not really effect in anything else.

[SPEAKER_00]: But in actuality, it affects a lot more, a whole lot.

[SPEAKER_00]: Or maybe a whole lot of people.

[SPEAKER_00]: And denial tells us that it doesn't affect anything else.

[SPEAKER_00]: But coming out of denial is acknowledging that, yeah, I was clenching a little bit in other areas of my body.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's understanding that maybe the chaos that I thought was just internal is spilling out into other areas of my life.

[SPEAKER_00]: And so we started two weeks ago the first lesson of celebrate recovery and tonight we're going to do lesson two but we're still on principle one.

[SPEAKER_00]: So in principle one

[SPEAKER_00]: We realize that I'm not God.

[SPEAKER_00]: I admit that I am powerless to control my tendency to do the wrong thing and that my life is unmanageable.

[SPEAKER_00]: Blessed are the poor and spirit.

[SPEAKER_00]: For theirs is the kingdom of heaven.

[SPEAKER_00]: And in step one, we get to a place that we can admit that we were powerless over our addictions and compulsive behaviors and that our lives have become unmanageable.

[SPEAKER_00]: Romans 1718 says, for I know that good itself does not dwell in me.

[SPEAKER_00]: That is in my sinful nature.

[SPEAKER_00]: For I have the desire to do what is good, but I cannot carry it out.

[SPEAKER_00]: Anyone else relate to that?

[SPEAKER_00]: Like I wanted to do good.

[SPEAKER_00]: The man, why am I always like screwing things up like that is my constant trouble It's like I just I want to do so good and I've come to realize that I have a little bit of perfectionism in me And I have this idea of how I'm supposed to be I should be this far already Just a little bit of Transparency here that has been my battle all week in preparing for this lesson like I'm not the one to teach this lesson because I should be a lot more recovered by now

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just saying.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I'm not.

[SPEAKER_00]: There are things that I want to do better and things that I don't want to do that I still do.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, you know, don't trust, but when we start to take that step of admitting our powerlessness, then we can start to change in areas of our life.

[SPEAKER_00]: We see that the old ways of trying to control things is not working.

[SPEAKER_00]: and we can let go.

[SPEAKER_00]: Trying to hide or ignore our hurts, hangups and our habits.

[SPEAKER_00]: It wasn't working for us.

[SPEAKER_00]: That denial was not working out.

[SPEAKER_00]: So tonight, we're going to focus on four actions that we need to start doing in order to walk out principal one.

[SPEAKER_00]: We need to take these four steps.

[SPEAKER_00]: We need to, we have to.

[SPEAKER_00]: So the first step,

[SPEAKER_00]: is stop denying the pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: We started this with the denial lesson two weeks ago, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: When Wade gave an awesome lesson on that, we need to stop denying the pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: We learned that denial has six negative effects, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: It disables our feelings, waste our energy, negates our growth, it isolates us from God, alienates us from our relationships, and it lengthens the pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: So we want to come out of that.

[SPEAKER_00]: We want to stop denying the pain so that we can get better, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: We're ready to accept principal one.

[SPEAKER_00]: when the pain of our situation is greater than our fear of change.

[SPEAKER_00]: When the pain that we're in is greater than our fear of what's on the other side of it, then we can change.

[SPEAKER_00]: So if you want to be rid of your pain, you have to face it and go through it.

[SPEAKER_00]: And when I think about this, I think about in kindergarten, I had like the best teacher when he was in the same person.

[SPEAKER_00]: We used to do the thing, I'm going on a bare hut.

[SPEAKER_00]: You don't know that one.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm going on a bare hut.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh, look, a river.

[SPEAKER_00]: Can't go under it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Can't go over it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Got to go through it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Paints the same way.

[SPEAKER_00]: We can't go over it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Can't slide away under it.

[SPEAKER_00]: We have to go through it.

[SPEAKER_00]: We have to do it.

[SPEAKER_00]: At times it's easier, we think.

[SPEAKER_00]: We think that it's easier to keep our head stuck in sand and pretend like everything's fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm fine, everything's fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's fine, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: That was my life motto, but this was also true.

[SPEAKER_00]: At times, the comfort of my chaos felt easier than the hardship of peace.

[SPEAKER_00]: because we feel comfortable in chaos and things all out of whack, you know, when I first got into recovery, I started with a trauma therapist and I remember like being good, like in a good place, I'm healing, it's smooth sailing, I'm like riding that pink cloud of recovery.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is great and then one little thing since me spiraling.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I would go and like, what is wrong with me?

[SPEAKER_00]: And she would tell me like you were more comfortable in chaos.

[SPEAKER_00]: Your body spent so much time in trauma that to be in a place of peace felt uncomfortable.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I would literally create reasons to be in chaos because it was more comfortable to me.

[SPEAKER_00]: But that was a feeling.

[SPEAKER_00]: Feelings are indicators.

[SPEAKER_00]: They shouldn't be dictators.

[SPEAKER_00]: Feelings indicate that something is not right, but they should not dictate the way that we respond and react or the way we hide our head in the sand, the way that we numb and avoid and ignore our problems.

[SPEAKER_00]: There should be indicators that, hey, maybe, there's an issue that I need to address within my own life.

[SPEAKER_00]: So, stop denying the pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: don't just sit in it, get through it.

[SPEAKER_00]: The second action we take is to stop playing God.

[SPEAKER_00]: And a lot of times, I think we don't think, like, I know I'm not God.

[SPEAKER_00]: I can't control the weather and other people's actions.

[SPEAKER_00]: But there are a lot of ways that we play God.

[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe we are believing that false truth that I can do all things by myself.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't need anyone else.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like that's biblical, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: No, it is not.

[SPEAKER_00]: It is.

[SPEAKER_00]: I can do all things through Christ to strengthen me.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's also scriptural that says confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so you can be healed.

[SPEAKER_00]: So it's literally scriptural that you don't do it alone.

[SPEAKER_00]: Or maybe you're believing that false truth of, um, I don't want to bother God.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're on one of bother other people with my problems with my things because

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't want to be a bother.

[SPEAKER_00]: But the scriptural truth is, if we ask anything, according to his will, he hears us.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's the truth.

[SPEAKER_00]: So sometimes we're believing this false truth playing God in our lives, saying, I got this, but the truth is we don't.

[SPEAKER_00]: God needs to be the one in control.

[SPEAKER_00]: We need to be the one that releases control.

[SPEAKER_00]: We need to release it to him.

[SPEAKER_00]: We need to admit that we are not God

[SPEAKER_00]: We rely on him.

[SPEAKER_00]: So the third action is, this is where we start.

[SPEAKER_00]: We start admitting our powerlessness.

[SPEAKER_00]: And this is hard.

[SPEAKER_00]: Y'all, it's a power hungry world out there.

[SPEAKER_00]: Weakness is bad.

[SPEAKER_00]: Suck it up, buttercup.

[SPEAKER_00]: throw some dirt on it.

[SPEAKER_00]: I literally have that on the t-shirt though.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because that's what I would tell me children.

[SPEAKER_00]: Throw some dirt on it.

[SPEAKER_00]: You're fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I don't know if you know this dirt actually has germs in it.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I had to quit saying that when I actually saw my children because they were boys.

[SPEAKER_00]: They were tough boys, putting dirt on their wounds.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, hmm, maybe I shouldn't do that anymore.

[SPEAKER_00]: But you know what, when we do that with our hurts, or have it, sooner hang up.

[SPEAKER_00]: It can create something a lot worse, right?

[SPEAKER_00]: So we don't want to cover it up with dirt or minimize it or throw it away.

[SPEAKER_00]: We want to acknowledge it and admit our powerlessness.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know what strength is?

[SPEAKER_00]: Strengthens saying God I need you.

[SPEAKER_00]: Oh God, my God, I need you.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know what strength is?

[SPEAKER_00]: not just saying, oh God, I need you, but actually following him.

[SPEAKER_00]: Well, listening, when he says, do this, don't do that, walking in his will.

[SPEAKER_00]: Letting God lead you, when you say God, I need you, that is strength, guys, relying on his power.

[SPEAKER_00]: Swapping bad habits for good once.

[SPEAKER_00]: When God tells you to,

[SPEAKER_00]: You know, I think that giving in to yourself and your fleshly desires, that's easy.

[SPEAKER_00]: When I was caught up in addiction, that was easy.

[SPEAKER_00]: But to sit in the hardness, relying on God's strength, this is an opportunity.

[SPEAKER_00]: Our weakness and our powerlessness, we want to be ashamed of it, but really it's an opportunity

[SPEAKER_00]: This is an opportunity to grab hold of his strength.

[SPEAKER_00]: So the fourth thing we want to start in meeting that our lives are unmanageable.

[SPEAKER_00]: Only when your pain is greater than your fear, are you ready to honestly take that first step and admit that you are powerless.

[SPEAKER_00]: Say, God, I need help.

[SPEAKER_00]: But God can make all things new.

[SPEAKER_00]: We sing about that tonight too.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's what he does.

[SPEAKER_00]: He can take the mess of your life and transform it into something that you cannot even imagine.

[SPEAKER_00]: But do you want him to?

[SPEAKER_00]: Do you want him to?

[SPEAKER_00]: That's the question, or would you rather say in it?

[SPEAKER_00]: Because,

[SPEAKER_00]: depending on how old you are.

[SPEAKER_00]: You might remember the comic strip, peanuts, I have one, pig pin, right there, pig pin.

[SPEAKER_00]: You know, 75 years that peanuts has been around the comic strip, and there's been like four times that pig pin was actually clean, and it was always to it lived, because he was self-proclaimed as a dirt magnet, and I think often,

[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes, some of us might wear that as a badge of honor, too.

[SPEAKER_00]: My life is just chaos.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's where I am.

[SPEAKER_00]: And as I'm saying this, I'm feeling guilty.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm always saying it, I'm so messy.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like I told Jeremy, when you met me, you need to know I'm messy.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like in every aspect of the word, I am messy.

[SPEAKER_00]: We want to stay in that.

[SPEAKER_00]: There are a lot of areas in my life that are no longer as messy as I used to be, because I decided I didn't want to stay in a little dust, but a cloud, dust cloud, like picking, I wanted to get over it.

[SPEAKER_00]: So if you were ready to step out of that chaos and with the help of God clean yourself up, then.

[SPEAKER_00]: Let's talk about some serenity robbers.

[SPEAKER_00]: Our cross stick tonight, we are gonna do half of it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, so powerless is the across stick, but I'm gonna do the power and next week, Jeremy's gonna do less.

[SPEAKER_00]: No particular reason.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's just the way that the teaching schedule worked out.

[SPEAKER_00]: But anyways,

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, I'm going to take power, you see you last.

[SPEAKER_00]: So, Pete, the Pete, Serenity Roberts, see we all have these things that are in our lives, the way we think, the way we do, and they rob us of peace and serenity, and the first one is pride.

[SPEAKER_00]: So when we start walking out, principal one, we realize that we are no longer trapped by pride.

[SPEAKER_00]: Proverbs 2923 says, Pride brings a person low, but the lowly and spirit gain honor.

[SPEAKER_00]: The lowly and spirit, remember our principal verse, blessed are the poor and spirit.

[SPEAKER_00]: for theirs is the kingdom of God.

[SPEAKER_00]: That poor there is not a monetary financial poor.

[SPEAKER_00]: It actually the root where it is helpless, powerless, reduced to beggary.

[SPEAKER_00]: So we are blessed when we acknowledge our need for God is what that verse means.

[SPEAKER_00]: Then we can walk through the gate.

[SPEAKER_00]: that way talked about, walking through denial, pride reads the false sense of power.

[SPEAKER_00]: It undermines our fate and cuts us off from God and others.

[SPEAKER_00]: Pride is a killer of joy.

[SPEAKER_00]: It leads to chaos, but when God's presence is welcome, there's no room for pride, because we become so aware of our frailty.

[SPEAKER_00]: And that's a beautiful thing.

[SPEAKER_00]: So next, the next serenity rubber that we lose is the only ifs.

[SPEAKER_00]: You guys ever had a case of the only ifs?

[SPEAKER_00]: Only ifs.

[SPEAKER_00]: They hadn't walked out.

[SPEAKER_00]: Only ifs.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'd stop drinking.

[SPEAKER_00]: mind was if only I would have left sooner.

[SPEAKER_00]: That was a big one for me.

[SPEAKER_00]: If only this, if only that.

[SPEAKER_00]: If onlys are a rational, they lead to rationalization for us.

[SPEAKER_00]: But really, it's just another form of denial, because it either puts the blame on others if only they, or it keeps us stuck in our shame if only I

[SPEAKER_00]: So we're either stuck in shame or we're stuck pointing the blame and that's denial and there's no way out of that.

[SPEAKER_00]: But once we start walking through the principle, then we can let go of those only ifs and we can see that God is greater, we can accept the things that we cannot change and we start to accept the things that we can and we do.

[SPEAKER_00]: When we admit we are powerless, we start walking in the truth, rather than living in the fantasy land of rationalization.

[SPEAKER_00]: Luke 12, two through three says, there is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed or hidden that will not be made known.

[SPEAKER_00]: what you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight and what you have whispered in the ear of the inner rooms will be proclaimed for the room.

[SPEAKER_00]: See, right here, Jesus is speaking to his disciples about hypocrisy and the Pharisees that would pretend like everything's fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm fine.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm doing a good job, but really they're living in secret scent.

[SPEAKER_00]: And you say, don't do that.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like at the end of the day, we're going to face judgment.

[SPEAKER_00]: It is all going to be revealed.

[SPEAKER_00]: So do we want to wait?

[SPEAKER_00]: Or do we want to get it over with now and come clean?

[SPEAKER_00]: I want to get it over with now so that I can start walking and freedom now.

[SPEAKER_00]: That's the promise of God.

[SPEAKER_00]: And we can do that.

[SPEAKER_00]: The next letter is W.

[SPEAKER_00]: Wearing, anywhere you weren't so here.

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, I'm glad I'm not alone.

[SPEAKER_00]: All we'reying is a form of not trusting God enough.

[SPEAKER_00]: Ouch, that hurts, but it's true.

[SPEAKER_00]: We'rey happens when we focus on our fears, on our problems, on all of our things, rather than focusing on him.

[SPEAKER_00]: When we're worried about all the other stuff, we'rey.

[SPEAKER_00]: keeps us stuck.

[SPEAKER_00]: But if we say the serenity prayer, and we focus on who God is, that we can move through it, working this program and completing this steps, we find trust.

[SPEAKER_00]: We find relationship with Jesus, and we move forward.

[SPEAKER_00]: The verse, Matthew 6, 34 tells us, therefore, do not worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow, we'll worry about itself.

[SPEAKER_00]: Each day has enough trouble of its own.

[SPEAKER_00]: I brought my very first step study book.

[SPEAKER_00]: This was 2018 when I did my first step study.

[SPEAKER_00]: And in this powerless lesson, the question was, instead of worrying about things that we cannot control, we need to focus on what God can do in our lives.

[SPEAKER_00]: What are you worrying about and why?

[SPEAKER_00]: And I put, I worry if I'll ever find a good godly man that puts Christ first and loves me and spite of my past, as Christ loves me.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I want to show my children the love they deserve and how to live for Christ.

[SPEAKER_00]: That was my worry in 2016.

[SPEAKER_00]: Before I even knew Jeremy,

[SPEAKER_00]: And now I'm walking in the thing that I was once so worried about.

[SPEAKER_00]: So if you're a newcomer, the thing that you were worried about right now, when you tell you give it to God, let him have it, because six years, eight years from now, you might be walking in freedom.

[SPEAKER_00]: You will be if you keep coming back.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm telling you, you will be if you keep coming back.

[SPEAKER_00]: It might not look the way you thought it would.

[SPEAKER_00]: Because to be honest back then, I wanted the redemption of my marriage and there were times that I was so hurt as to God, why can't that by my story when I would hear a couple testimonies.

[SPEAKER_00]: But God can do incredible things, even if it doesn't look the way that we think it should, when we submit and surrender and we keep following him.

[SPEAKER_00]: The danger is when we try to escape the pain, and that's the E in the Acrossic as a scape.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's a serenity robber.

[SPEAKER_00]: When we feel our feelings, we understand our feelings rather than escaping and numbing, we find peace.

[SPEAKER_00]: Before we use to hide and escape from our hurts, habits and hangups, we'd be involved in unhealthy relationships, we would abuse drugs, alcohol, eating, night eating, so forth, trying to control people places and things.

[SPEAKER_00]: But let me tell you, Proverbs 181 says,

[SPEAKER_00]: Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire.

[SPEAKER_00]: He breaks out against all sound judgment.

[SPEAKER_00]: Do not escape the pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: Cid in it, feel it, learn to understand it, ask God for direction, seek him, quit trying to escape the pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: It drains us of precious energy.

[SPEAKER_00]: The last letter in the Acrostic of Power Tonight is Resentments.

[SPEAKER_00]: It is a serenity robber.

[SPEAKER_00]: One of the other things in my step study that I know just looking back was one of my worries and fears and questions was, am I ever going to get over this resentment towards my

[SPEAKER_00]: I would sit through less and after less and a forgiveness.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I was like, God, I don't see how this is even possible.

[SPEAKER_00]: Will I ever be rid of this, I journal that God will I ever be rid of this resentment that is making me so angry and it's all consuming and it's wreaking havoc in my life will I ever be there.

[SPEAKER_00]: But the beauty of being able to go back and look at that is I can honestly say now eight years later that there is no resentment I have peace in my soul that I cannot understand her father I didn't do that guys I didn't do that God did that in my life and now I have peace and serenity The verse is

[SPEAKER_00]: where it is a Ephesians 4.6, then your anger do not sin, do not let the sun go down while you were still angry and do not give the devil a foothold.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's okay, if you're not ready to forgive, if you're not ready to walk in the freedom of that, just be willing.

[SPEAKER_00]: It starts with your willingness

[SPEAKER_00]: And then you'll see God work his power in your life if you were willing.

[SPEAKER_00]: I want to close with this verse because sometimes we focus on one thing, we want to get to the end of that thing.

[SPEAKER_00]: And though I can honestly say, I don't have any more resentment towards my ex husband and the destruction of the marriage

[SPEAKER_00]: But I can also say that there's still some resentments that I'm working through now.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's new resentments that I'm working through.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's always going to be something that we're going to need to work on.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I have a tendency.

[SPEAKER_00]: I told you perfectionism.

[SPEAKER_00]: I want to be like completely healed and perfect.

[SPEAKER_00]: Like, why can't I be that?

[SPEAKER_00]: But then I remember Paul or, um, yes, Paul.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I remember his verse in 2nd Corinthians 128.

[SPEAKER_00]: This has three times.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've played it with the Lord to take it away from me, but He said to me, my grace is sufficient for you.

[SPEAKER_00]: God said, my power is made perfect in weakness.

[SPEAKER_00]: Therefore, I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses so that Christ power may rest on me.

[SPEAKER_00]: That is why for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, and persecutions, in difficulties for when I am weak, then I am strong.

[SPEAKER_00]: I don't have to have it all together.

[SPEAKER_00]: I can be weak and I can fail and I can learn and I can grow.

[SPEAKER_00]: But I can also tell you that I am powerless.

[SPEAKER_00]: To control my tendency, to want to save, to want to fix, to want to rescue people, but recovery is seeing that I tend to do that so that I feel valued, so that I feel needed, so that I feel good about myself.

[SPEAKER_00]: recovery is seeing that that's the cause of it, and recovery is instead of walking out those impulses in those feelings, I take that knee to the Lord.

[SPEAKER_00]: I seek validation from him, I seek his will, and I walk in his ways.

[SPEAKER_00]: So whatever your struggle is, whatever your serenity robber is, I encourage you to lay it down and come back next week and keep coming back because we're gonna get less next week.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm just kidding.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's gonna be so much more.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's gonna be more to the cross dig, but you're gonna get four letters So can I pray for you guys?

[SPEAKER_00]: Okay, Lord God, I just thank you so much for who you are and that in our weakness your strength shines so much greater God And so I just pray for the heart and hearts and the broken is spirit God.

[SPEAKER_00]: I thank you

[SPEAKER_00]: that you are the answer.

[SPEAKER_00]: When we seek you and return to you, when we open our hands and we lessen the grip and we lay it all down before you.

[SPEAKER_00]: So I pray for strength and boldness to walk through it, hand in hand, step with step with you.

[SPEAKER_00]: In Jesus name, amen.

[SPEAKER_00]: Thanks, guys.