Turn | Colleen

[SPEAKER_01]: Go, hey, man.

[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you.

[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you, Glenn.

[SPEAKER_01]: Thank you both.

[SPEAKER_01]: Well, let me start again.

[SPEAKER_01]: Hey, everybody.

[SPEAKER_01]: My name is Colleen.

[SPEAKER_01]: I am a grateful believer in Christ.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm in recovery for co-dependency, but I am struggling with co-dependency.

[SPEAKER_01]: Okay, Annely.

[SPEAKER_01]: So tonight is the turn lesson.

[SPEAKER_01]: This one, here's my warning, it's heavy.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's heavy because recovery is hard, isn't it?

[SPEAKER_01]: But you know what I have to do?

[SPEAKER_01]: I have to make light of things because I have to make a little bit of humor because otherwise I'll go a little kuku kuchu, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: So laughing for me is it's therapy.

[SPEAKER_01]: I gotta have it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I gotta make light of something.

[SPEAKER_01]: And that's one of the reasons why I like community cafe our nine o'clock hour.

[SPEAKER_01]: that was a place for me that was always the best time of the night because I could cut up with people.

[SPEAKER_01]: You can sit down and laugh and that's where you make your relationships.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you have that one friend that she'll she or he will say two lines.

[SPEAKER_01]: Number one, it'll make you laugh.

[SPEAKER_01]: Number two, it's for real.

[SPEAKER_01]: And number three, it's wise.

[SPEAKER_01]: I have one of those friends.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I can remember, back in the day, I was in, we used to call it solid rocket used to be down there, and I had a hard night.

[SPEAKER_01]: See, I was born and raised in Chicago, Illinois, and I moved down here, and I mourned my family.

[SPEAKER_01]: I had nobody, and it was tough, a lot of the times.

[SPEAKER_01]: traveled up north a lot and they came down a lot and one of the nights they were here for a week and I still did my Thursday because I needed my Thursday people, you know, and I shared an open share group, I said my family's in town, I'm so glad they're here, but wait for them to

[SPEAKER_01]: I started walking with the Lord closer and I realized I was changing.

[SPEAKER_01]: And all I wanted to do was to love them, but they were different from me.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now they are great.

[SPEAKER_01]: My parents, my parents have both died when I was really young and it was hard to grieve them.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then when I moved here, I had to grieve my brother and my sister.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was like, oh, they're here for a week, but I'm still going to go to celebrate recovery.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I'm going to share that I don't want them to be here anymore.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then I told my friend that at the table.

[SPEAKER_01]: She was just a friend there, and now she's my VIP in my life.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I said, man, I can't wait for them to go.

[SPEAKER_01]: And she said, you know what, Colleen, people staying in your house is kind of like fish.

[SPEAKER_01]: After three days, it stinks.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I'm like, of course, I'd die laughing, right, because I found that hilarious.

[SPEAKER_01]: But the thing was, it was a truth.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, we love when they come, but we like to see them go.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know what I'm saying?

[SPEAKER_01]: That's where the serenity pricks, that's the things you cannot change.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's where I really learned it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm like, well, my family's staying and they're who they are and I love them right where they're at, but I'm gonna accept the things.

[SPEAKER_01]: I cannot change and sometimes people in community cafe when you're making fun and having light, maybe that's God speaking through them.

[SPEAKER_01]: I believe that to be true.

[SPEAKER_01]: I know that God speaks through people.

[SPEAKER_01]: So I am struggling with control, the very thing that landed me in recovery about 21 years ago, and I'm in the middle of a step study.

[SPEAKER_01]: We just finished our inventory and that was tough.

[SPEAKER_01]: But if you haven't taken a step study, give it a shot, pray about it.

[SPEAKER_01]: Ladies, we have one starting April 12th at 6 p.m. We're still waiting on the guys, but it's common.

[SPEAKER_01]: But a step study is a process in recovery.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's right where the rubber meets the road.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you learn through the leading of the Holy Spirit, what you need to change behaviors, thoughts, and actions.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I've taken a few steps studies in my life.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it seems every single time, every single time the Lord deals with my control issues.

[SPEAKER_01]: I mean, I want my husband to do things my way.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want my kids to do my things my way.

[SPEAKER_01]: I want my pastor to do things my way.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I want God to do it my way.

[SPEAKER_01]: Because I know best my way is the right way.

[SPEAKER_01]: My way aligns with the Bible.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now, if you just listen to me, everything's going to work out.

[SPEAKER_01]: Is that simple?

[SPEAKER_01]: But you're probably thinking, wow, what a, whoop, she's lived.

[SPEAKER_01]: I am, I admit that.

[SPEAKER_01]: I am.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now, I struggle with pride, control pride.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I believe that there's two kinds of pride.

[SPEAKER_01]: The first pride is healthy satisfaction of achievements.

[SPEAKER_01]: How about when your child gets baptized?

[SPEAKER_01]: Your heart melts doesn't it?

[SPEAKER_01]: And you think, wow, I'm proud of her.

[SPEAKER_00]: Or when my kid would hit a triple, I'm like, oh, girl, I don't know, you did it, I'm so proud of you, it was great.

[SPEAKER_01]: But then there's a sinful pride.

[SPEAKER_01]: Right.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's the arrogant pride.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's an inflated arrogant view of oneself often masking low self worth insecurity shame.

[SPEAKER_01]: I have 20 was years in recovery.

[SPEAKER_01]: I've been there.

[SPEAKER_01]: I have done that.

[SPEAKER_01]: I know by experience what to do next.

[SPEAKER_01]: I have seen every scenario.

[SPEAKER_01]: I have lived a sinful life, bad choices.

[SPEAKER_01]: I have lived a good, godly, righteous life.

[SPEAKER_00]: I have control and I know what to do next, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: So in this step study, God's dealing again with my control.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, it's funny.

[SPEAKER_01]: We have step study at once in nights and right now, there's 13 of us.

[SPEAKER_01]: We are all under attack.

[SPEAKER_01]: All of us are.

[SPEAKER_01]: We did burning issues, tears, pain.

[SPEAKER_01]: You wanna know why?

[SPEAKER_01]: Cause we're following the Lord.

[SPEAKER_01]: But then with my pride in my control, I'm like, don't worry, God, I got this.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then he's like, watch this.

[SPEAKER_01]: Watch what I'm going to do.

[SPEAKER_01]: You think you're all that?

[SPEAKER_01]: So when I get knocked down, somebody who's full of pride, it's painful.

[SPEAKER_01]: Humility and humbleness is painful.

[SPEAKER_01]: See, I want to say now about a month ago, my world was rocked by my children.

[SPEAKER_01]: And at my church, at life and at church, Pastor Gary opens the church every Monday for prayer.

[SPEAKER_01]: And there was a time that we wrote names of people on the stage that who were lost or needed prayer.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I, my husband and I, both wrote names on that.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I sat down in front of the names that I wrote.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I prayed for them.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then I said, God, what are they doing wrong?

[SPEAKER_01]: Did I fail them?

[SPEAKER_01]: It was humbling.

[SPEAKER_01]: It was painful to me.

[SPEAKER_01]: But what it really was and he spoke this to my spirit, he said, you know what, Colleen?

[SPEAKER_01]: Once again, you took me off the throne.

[SPEAKER_01]: You put yourself there.

[SPEAKER_01]: You don't belong there.

[SPEAKER_01]: So just let me have it.

[SPEAKER_01]: And,

[SPEAKER_01]: Normally in the past, I'd say, you know what, Lord, you go ahead and take them, show them yourself, but please don't hurt them.

[SPEAKER_01]: But I finally had to, whatever the cost, I want them to know who you are.

[SPEAKER_01]: Sorry, Diane, I didn't wanna do that.

[SPEAKER_01]: Anyhow,

[SPEAKER_01]: We are in principle three and that is consciously used to commit all my life and will to Christ's care and control.

[SPEAKER_01]: Blessed are the meek for they will inherit the earth.

[SPEAKER_01]: Matthew 55, meek is humble, gentle, and a self-controlled person.

[SPEAKER_01]: And step three is we made a decision to turn our lives and our wills.

[SPEAKER_01]: Don't miss that over to the care of God.

[SPEAKER_01]: Therefore, I urge you brothers and sisters and view of God's mercy to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is your true and proper worship, Romans 121.

[SPEAKER_01]: So in our walk and recovery is becoming decision time.

[SPEAKER_01]: We all have a choice, we all have free will.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is where we say, am I willing to follow Jesus?

[SPEAKER_01]: Or am I willing to just stay in my lane

[SPEAKER_01]: My sinful desires, so the tea in turn is trust, trust, it has been the biggest battle for me.

[SPEAKER_01]: Can I trust the Lord to leave me in the direction he wants?

[SPEAKER_01]: Can I really trust him?

[SPEAKER_01]: Does he really want what's best for me?

[SPEAKER_01]: Because I'm a telly of something in my past.

[SPEAKER_01]: I haven't had people that I could trust because I was hurt.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was a latent life birth.

[SPEAKER_01]: My dad was 43 years old when they had me and from day one, well, from when I remembered, I knew that he didn't really want me.

[SPEAKER_01]: He resented me.

[SPEAKER_01]: I had a brother who was 13 years older than me.

[SPEAKER_01]: I was just a pain, you know, he was a teenager.

[SPEAKER_01]: There was some physical abuse that went on and then I have my ex husband, abandonment, left me to do it on my own.

[SPEAKER_01]: So it's hard for me to trust.

[SPEAKER_01]: So when I came into recovery, I had bricks built all around me and I sat in that chair for four years before I did anything and I learned.

[SPEAKER_01]: And I allowed God in just a little bit, just a little bit.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's all I was willing to do.

[SPEAKER_01]: Somehow, only God, he started softening my heart.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then I was starting to take the bricks off one at a time.

[SPEAKER_01]: and I allowed myself to trust Him.

[SPEAKER_01]: So if you have a wall, allow the Lord in, you'll be so glad, so glad that you did.

[SPEAKER_01]: If you declare with your mouth, Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved, Romans 10, 9.

[SPEAKER_01]: Let's talk about salvation real quick.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think, I think that man complicates it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think that it's really, really, really, really, really simple.

[SPEAKER_01]: I know that beyond a shadow of a doubt that there is a God, he created our universe.

[SPEAKER_01]: He loves us.

[SPEAKER_01]: He sent a son to take on all of our sin, and he raised him from the dead because he loves us.

[SPEAKER_01]: I believe it will there is there's a couple of things that I did want to share there's archeological history facts that show that all this is true number one and number two, if you doubt that there is Jesus that there is a God, I think that this is probably the best place to doubt that.

[SPEAKER_01]: because right here there's this is a no judgment zone so if you have a little bit of doubt here's the place where we're going to ask some questions and here's the place where somebody will guide you you can ask me a Scott any of your group leaders they all know the Lord and been walking with him for a long time they can help guide you simply easy nobody's going to come down on you

[SPEAKER_01]: and it's a one-time commitment to ask the Lord into your heart for Him to save you once.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's a movie out there called The Case for Christ by Leastroble.

[SPEAKER_01]: You can look that up.

[SPEAKER_01]: God wants us to search for Him.

[SPEAKER_01]: And He's also going to show Him to us.

[SPEAKER_01]: We just have to believe just a little bit because you know what, our life's work, my life's work is to share Jesus with you with others.

[SPEAKER_01]: And you know what, so I have 43, we have 43 leaders here that can that want to share the good news too.

[SPEAKER_01]: So ask them,

[SPEAKER_01]: I feel like genuinely believing that Jesus is the Christ, the one and only Son of God is like the easiest part.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, I can't go to the beach for the first time in the summer and look at its vastness and how beautiful it is and possibly think there is in a God.

[SPEAKER_01]: I can't see how

[SPEAKER_01]: a little bit of a man and a little bit of a woman can make a baby and how the body works.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's creation.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's beautiful.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's God.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's no doubt in my mind.

[SPEAKER_01]: And it's so easy all we have to do is believe in that.

[SPEAKER_01]: You know, in Luke chapter 23 starting in verse 40, it was the crucifixion story.

Luke 23 · chapter mention

[SPEAKER_01]: And, um,

[SPEAKER_01]: There were three men being crucified at the same time, and one of the criminals mocked Jesus.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he said, you call yourself the king of the Jews, save yourself.

[SPEAKER_01]: And then the other one said, don't you fear God?

[SPEAKER_01]: We are getting our punishment for our crimes.

[SPEAKER_01]: This man didn't do a thing.

[SPEAKER_01]: I've read that this name is Dimzus.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know about that, but I was researching.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he said to Jesus, Jesus, will you remember me in your kingdom?

[SPEAKER_01]: And Jesus said, today you're gonna be in paradise.

[SPEAKER_01]: Oh, he did was believe him.

[SPEAKER_01]: It was that simple.

[SPEAKER_01]: Let's not make a easy, simple act complicated.

[SPEAKER_01]: The U and trust is understand.

[SPEAKER_01]: Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding and in all your ways submit to him and he will make your path straight.

[SPEAKER_01]: Proverbs 3, 5 and 6, how do we understand?

[SPEAKER_01]: difficult to understand sometimes, isn't it?

[SPEAKER_01]: I've been walking with the Lord for about 30 years and I still don't understand everything.

[SPEAKER_01]: But you know what?

[SPEAKER_01]: He's given me a book with 66 chapters so that I could read about him and learn about him.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's given me a relationship where I can talk to him all day long.

[SPEAKER_01]: That's how you develop relationships, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: And you know what?

[SPEAKER_01]: We need each other here.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is how we understand, talking to our friends about the Lord, talking about our Bible studies, what we've read, accountability, partners for Bible reading.

[SPEAKER_01]: We can understand, and you know what, we're not fully gonna understand until we walk into eternity so don't try, but keep studying him.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're a work in progress, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: We'll keep learning.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's waiting for us.

[SPEAKER_01]: He's there for us.

[SPEAKER_01]: And he wants us, all of us.

[SPEAKER_01]: The are is repent.

[SPEAKER_01]: Hmm.

[SPEAKER_01]: The time has come.

[SPEAKER_01]: He said, the kingdom of God has come near.

[SPEAKER_01]: Repent and believe the good news.

[SPEAKER_01]: Mark 115.

[SPEAKER_01]: I got a video that I want you to watch for a second.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now, listen to me carefully.

[SPEAKER_00]: Some of you, when you hear repent, all you hear is, I'm sorry, Lord.

[SPEAKER_00]: Repentance is not an apology, because you can apologize for wrong and continue down the same path of destruction.

[SPEAKER_00]: Tell that to a girlfriend.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's time to get in touch to her mouth and abuse her boyfriend who keeps apologizing for his right fist and his left fist.

[SPEAKER_00]: She don't want to hear an apology.

[SPEAKER_00]: She wants you to turn from your behavior.

[SPEAKER_00]: So the chances is not on board, I'm sorry.

[SPEAKER_00]: The chances is taking your mind.

[SPEAKER_00]: your heart, and your life, and going in a different direction than in the direction and so I'm traveling this way, the law confronts me in my sin.

[SPEAKER_00]: At the moment of that confrontation by the Holy Spirit, I have to make a decision.

[SPEAKER_00]: Apologize and continue in sin or apologize and repent.

[SPEAKER_00]: You cannot go or 75 North and South at the same time.

[SPEAKER_00]: You can only go in one direction.

[SPEAKER_00]: So when the North comes from to one sin, you gotta make a decision in that moment.

[SPEAKER_00]: I'm not gonna turn on my gonna continue.

[SPEAKER_00]: He just asking for an apology from you.

[SPEAKER_00]: He's telling you man, to turn from that behavior.

[SPEAKER_00]: Man, you really aggregate in this area of turn.

[SPEAKER_00]: Man, you really fly full in this area of turn.

[SPEAKER_00]: Man, you're really lustful in this area of turn.

[SPEAKER_00]: Man, you'd be fucking people all the time in this area of turn.

[SPEAKER_00]: You'd think you were all that out in this area of turn.

[SPEAKER_01]: It's a good one in it.

[SPEAKER_01]: I love him too.

[SPEAKER_01]: Like he said, God wants doesn't want just an apology.

[SPEAKER_01]: He wants us to turn and go the other way.

[SPEAKER_01]: Go towards him.

[SPEAKER_01]: Walk away from our sin, walk away from bailing out that adult child again, walk away from the website that gets you in trouble.

[SPEAKER_01]: Walk away from whatever desires that are not of God.

[SPEAKER_01]: allow him in.

[SPEAKER_01]: I think about we're trying to stop something in the first 24 hours.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're like, yes, I got this.

[SPEAKER_01]: I'm strong.

[SPEAKER_01]: Maybe even the first 48 hours or I got it.

[SPEAKER_01]: But then we have day number three and we're alone.

[SPEAKER_01]: See, we have neural pathways in our mind that go the same direction and they're thinking, hmm, I know the way to that alcohol cause that helps me cope with life, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: But that's where all these people come in.

[SPEAKER_01]: You can't do this walk alone.

[SPEAKER_01]: You can't.

[SPEAKER_01]: But you know what I do know?

[SPEAKER_01]: You can change your neural pathways.

[SPEAKER_01]: It takes 31 to 60 days, but you can do it.

[SPEAKER_01]: But you know what?

[SPEAKER_01]: I was thinking about Eddie and his testimony.

[SPEAKER_01]: I don't know if it's on YouTube, if you'd love to look at it, but in his testimony over and over and over again, he said, my guys, my accountability people, my group.

[SPEAKER_01]: This is why we're here to support one another, not fix one another, but support.

[SPEAKER_01]: He had his guys encouraging him, texting him, loving him, praying for him.

[SPEAKER_01]: There's so much power in prayer, so much power in prayer.

[SPEAKER_01]: The end is a new life.

[SPEAKER_01]: Therefore, now there is no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus because through Christ Jesus, the law of the Spirit who gives life has set you free from the law of sin and death, Romans 812.

[SPEAKER_01]: Second Corinthians 517, therefore, if anyone is in Christ, a new creation has come, the old is gone, and the new is here.

[SPEAKER_01]: Yes.

[SPEAKER_01]: We take these steps and we develop or grow a new life.

[SPEAKER_01]: We start living a way that is pleasing to God, right?

[SPEAKER_01]: We start living away the way that God intended us to leave, to live, not leave, live.

[SPEAKER_01]: Now, Paul tells us once we become believers, it's not easy.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're still going to have to jump hurdles, we're still going to have to walk into messy situations.

[SPEAKER_01]: We're still going to have tough moments in our life.

[SPEAKER_01]: He will make your path straight.

[SPEAKER_01]: If you put the correct people around you, you're gonna be able to go in the way.

[SPEAKER_01]: He wants you to go.

[SPEAKER_01]: You can live a whole life, full life, a life in Christ.

[SPEAKER_01]: So tonight, what are you gonna do?

[SPEAKER_01]: Gonna walk away from the junk.

[SPEAKER_01]: I hope so.

[SPEAKER_01]: On day three, I hope you reach out to somebody.

[SPEAKER_01]: If you're a newcomer tonight, we are so glad that you're here.

[SPEAKER_01]: not going to lie and say that this life is easy, but you know what, when you have people around you and the Lord on your side, it becomes easier.

[SPEAKER_01]: Don't give up.

[SPEAKER_01]: Just keep on pushing forward.

[SPEAKER_01]: I love y'all.

[SPEAKER_01]: Thank y'all for letting me share.