Fight Fair | 2 Samuel 2

You're listening to the Bridgetown Church Podcast with

Pastor Casey Kendall, where our vision is Jesus, our mission is

people, and our cause is love. Thanks for tuning in.

Let's dive in. Second Samuel chapter 2, verse

2 Samuel 2:32

32, if you would mark it down and we want to encourage you to

fight fair today, fight fair. This is a, a topic where we're

not really discipled on in our in, in church world, in

Christianity, we're talked about, we're told to read our

Bibles, we're told to pray, but we're really not told how to

handle conflict well in our marriages, in our job sites, in

the church itself. And we want to be discipled in

that area, in our emotional and spiritual health towards the

Lords, we. Want to talk about fighting

fair? Second Samuel chapter 2, verse

2 Samuel 2:32

32. If you're there, say Amen.

Then they took up Osail and buried him in his father's tomb,

which was in Bethlehem. And Joab and his men went all

night and they came to Hebron or Hebron, however you want to

pronounce it, at Daybreak. Now, there's something often

times that happens when we read a portion of scripture or maybe

we watch our favorite TV show, or maybe you're binging on

Netflix. Whatever it might be, we often,

or the producer will go to the future scene and then he takes

you back countless hours or even weeks from that scene to play

the whole story back. So we know now that Acaeil is

dead. We know that Joab and his men

had rode all night into Hebron and they arrived at Hebron.

Notice this. If you would just.

Underline this and circle this at Daybreak, but I want to take

you all the way back to verse eight in the story.

And before I do that, if you would just look at your neighbor

and say neighbor, my neighbor, fight fairly.

Yeah. Husbands say that to your wives,

fight fairly. Wives, say that to your

husbands, fight fairly. Kids, if you would tell your

parents that just fight fairly. Parents, if you just tell your

kids this morning to fight fairly, if you're dating, just

tell the person around you fight fairly.

If you're single, just look for someone and just say fight

fairly. Fight, fight fairly, Fight

fairly. That the year was June 16th or

the date was June 16th. The year was actually 1983.

There was a fight at Madison Square Gardens.

Everyone had joined together for this fight.

One of the fighters names was Louis Resto.

He was fighting a gentleman by the name of Billy Collins

Junior, and Louis Resto was awarded the win after 10 rounds

in a unanimous decision. While he won the fight, you can

hear in the video the trainer's saying check his gloves, check

his gloves over and over again. Well, Louis Resto's trainer had

decided to take out one ounce of padding out of his gloves, and

they dipped Louis Resto's hand wraps in plaster of Paris.

His hands were so heavy that when he hit Billy Collins

Junior, he actually detached Billy Collins Junior Iris from

his eyeball, blurring his vision.

He was permanently and forever unable to fight again.

I want to challenge you this morning because I really believe

that this doesn't just happen in boxing rings.

This is actually happening in conflict in heated homes.

Conflict and fighting is happening in mangled marriages.

Fighting is happening in your enduring employments.

You're struggling as a single and you have conflict.

You are stressed out as a student and you have conflict.

You are a helicopter parent and you have conflict.

You find yourself it's crazy kids and you have conflict.

You find yourself with fermented friendships and you have

conflict. You you find yourself in a place

when the fight begins. You choose to fight dirty rather

than fighting clean, and this is how we often live.

If you're taking note in the moment of conflicts and fighting

with somebody else. We live with heavy hands, heated

hearts, weighty words, and wounded souls, and we are

causing people to lose their vision for the rest of their

life because we're choosing to fight unfairly.

We have become people in our lives where we must understand

that conflict is inevitable, but how you react to the conflict is

optional. And I want us to gather into

this place and understand that God has called us to fight

fairly. So I wrote out a list of things

that how we often fight unfairly.

That maybe you, if you feel like God is convicting you, they can

say Amen. Here we go.

No more denying in the fight. No more sarcasm in the fight.

No more silent treatment in the fight.

No more walking away in the midst of the middle.

Of the fight. No more shouting, no more

cussing, no more passive aggressiveness in the middle of

the fight. No more lecturing, No more

yelling. It's getting quiet.

No more condescending. No more contempting looks at the

other person. No more anger.

No more rage. No more telling somebody else

that you drive me crazy. You're crazy is your own

responsibility. You choose to get crazy.

They didn't make you crazy. You owned your own

responsibility and owning your own responsibility.

You've choose to live obediently to God's way, God's Word,

through God's Spirit, and this is what happened.

We can choose to fight fairly if we choose to do what is holy in

the sight of God. Listen to what the Bible says.

It's OK to clap in here. Listen to what the Bible says.

A soft answer turns away. Wrath, but a harsh.

Word stirs up anger in Proverbs 15 verse one.

Listen to what the Bible says in your anger.

Do not sin. Do not let the sun go down while

you were still angry. In Ephesians 4 verse 26, listen

Ephesians 4:26

to this verse. Whoever is slow to anger is

better than the mighty. And he who noticed this, he who

controls his spirit than he who takes on a whole city, If there

was a man who would foster this and fight fairly in the midst of

this transition in Second Samuel, it was a man by the name

of King David. You remember in King David his

life in context. If we were to look at it, David

was the man in Second Samuel who was chosen to be king 15 years

prior and now he's only able to be king of 1 tribe and that is

the tribe of Judah. The rest of Israel will be ruled

by another person. If there was a man who could

have fought unfairly in this moment, it was this man by the

name of David. And the Bible tells us about

David's life, that David did not seek revenge.

David did not seek to repay. David did not seek to rush in

with I'll words or or I'll actions.

He came in with very intentional kindness, and David comes on the

scene in the context of everything that he is facing,

and what he's about to give to these people is kindness.

Notice what do you do when the waiting is over and the prayers

have been answered. Many times in our Christianity

we think that the conflict is done.

Just because the waiting is over does not mean that the conflict

is done. And I want you to understand

that because conflict can be good.

Conflict is for our growth. But how we?

Handle the conflict can stunt us in the growth that we have.

We cannot avoid it, but we must be those who will act on it.

I love what Lisa Turkurst, right?

She wrote as she wrote in regards to her life when she was

abandoned by her husband, who would not stop committing

adultery, who would not stop getting drunk, and she tried to

reconcile her marriage. She said this in regards to

conflict. She said I was a stuff it and

smile kind of girl. Listen to what she writes.

The problem with pretending to be fine when you're really not

is all that pinned up. Steam will eventually come out,

and if you've ever held your hand too close to steam, you

know how it can burn. And I think this morning there's

some steam in the sanctuary. I think some of us need to let

the steam out of our lives. If not here, then where?

If not now, then when are you actually going to do it?

I believe to let the steam out, some of you are actually going

to have to cry out to the Lord today.

Some of us are going to have to shed some tears.

Some of us are going to have to bring in our own repentance and

allow this out of our lives. How long will you hold this in?

How long will you keep holding on to all of this pinned up

steam in your life without resolving the conflict that you

have in your own heart and in your own life?

Let me tell you, you're burning your family, you're burning your

kids, you're burning your grandkids, you're burning your

mom and dad, you're burning your friends simply because we think

that it's more spiritual to hold on to the steam then let the

steam out in a very positive and biblical way.

You see, the Lord is calling for healing.

And if that healing is going to happen, there has to be

repentance in my life. I have to come to a place of

brokenness and sad to say that many of us stay on this hamster

wheel for years and we do well and then we go back to these

tendencies and we do well. Then we go back to the

tendencies and we bury what we actually should be broken over

and repent from. And David comes on the scene and

David is the king of Judah. But notice the Bible says that

David is responding kindly. The Bible tells us this was

David's heart. He would send messengers to

these people of Ghalid, Jabesh Ghalid, that they would bury

Saul and Jonathan. And he responds kindly to them

even though he's not the king of them.

He's not seeking the revenge of their lives.

He's just coming to them in a way that is fighting fairly.

I want to give you the characters of our story if we

can, because we're going to cover and read a lot of Bible

verses that lead up to this Daybreak in Joab and Abner's

life. The the first character in our

story is not mentioned in this section, but it's David, King

David. King David is leading over Judah

at this time. Saul and Jonathan are dead.

And we've realized we're going to grieve over some things.

But there's another character in our story if you want to mark

them. He's in verse 8.

His name is Abner Abner. In our story this morning, Abner

is, if you're taking note, he is the one who's responding rashly.

Abner is Saul's cousin and he is the commander of Saul's army.

Abner would be the man who would lead the hunt years prior for

David's life. Abner was the man who was so

antagonistic about David's life. And even though Abner knew in

his life that David should have been king, even though he knew

that David had been anointed by Samuel, Abner was the person who

responded rashly. He sends in our second or third

character name, Ashibosheth. Ashibosheth was the man who was

Saul's son, who's 40 years old. His name means the man of shame.

So Abner, as Saul's commander, acts rashly and installs

Ashibosheth to the throne. He establishes the man of shame

on the throne. Why?

Because Abner wanted a king that he could control.

And we'll get into that whole situation in just a moment.

The 4th person in our story, if you're taking notice, a man by

the name of Joab. Joab is not just acting rashly,

he's acting harshly. He is David's nephew.

He is loyal to King David no matter the cost.

But we'll see in our story that Joab is a man who responds in a

way that is very harsh. Then there's another person in

our story, if you're taking note, his name is Asyle.

Assael was a person who would run swiftly when all this could

have stopped abruptly. Assael ran into the scene

abruptly. You get this if you would.

Here we have David, the king of Judah, the House of Praise.

Here we have Abner. His name means the Father of

Light, Saul's cousin. Here we have also this man by

the name of the Shiba Sheth. He is the man who is now now

known as the man of shame. He Saul's son.

We have Joab, his name means God is Father and he's David's

nephew. And then we have Asayel, whose

name means made by God. Notice if you would, all of

these men are marked by their identity to God Jehovah, but

they don't act like God Jehovah. So although I might carry a

certain name does not mean that I possess and present the

character that we should have. Now notice all of these names.

Now, I can't go through all of the names of the Bible, but, and

there are thousands of people that you were all dealing with

today. You're dealing with different

personalities. I just want to mark six of them.

If I can't, these are people that might be getting on your

nerves, these might be people that are getting under your

skin. These are people that it's hard

to fight fairly with. Can I give you their names first

name demanding people. You ever dealt with a demanding

person? Demanding people?

They are so bossy, they are so pushy, they are so controlling.

They dominate every conversation that you are in.

They demand everything from you and they'll push you to the

limit to get it. Can I give you the second

person? Maybe some of you are dealing

with this is the disapproving person.

This disapproving person is the nitpicker, and they are picky,

picky, picky, picky. This disapproving person is the

highly critical person. Your best is never good enough.

They're always negative about everything that you're going to

ever face, and they are the perfectionist.

One husband agreed with that. We have the demanding person, we

have the disapproving person. How about the deafening person?

This is the person who's just loud.

They raise the decibel level in your house and when you walk

into the house, you just. Want to tone it down a notch?

You call for 5 minutes. They talk to you for 20 minutes.

This is the deafening person. They will not get off the phone

until you surrender to their cause.

Mark this person down. This is the destructive person.

The destructive person is they kill every dream with their

smart mouth and they're cutting words.

Can I say that again? The destructive person is the

person who in your life is the person who is constantly cutting

you down with their smart mouth and they're cutting words.

This is the person that is uncontrolled in their anger.

This is the person that is constantly frustrated no matter

where they're at. This is the person that you live

with that you have to walk around on egg shells in your own

house. This is the person that you

could never get it right. You can never get it right, so

you're always just tiptoeing through everything because

you're afraid that if you do something, it's going to set

them off and they're going to blow up.

Like Mount Saint Helen and lava is going to burn everything in

the house and I get an Amen. How about the discontented

people? These are the easily offended

people. They're very touchy and they

chronically complain all the time about everything.

How about this person? How about the demeaning people?

Demeaning people that they are, people that are very sarcastic

and they are the people that suck the life out of everything.

And they think it's their business to live in their own

bubble. But they love to burst everyone

else's bubble. They demean you.

They're constantly giving you backhand slaps of comments.

They'll never deal with the truth directly.

And they use their own sarcasm in a way to defend and survive

their own hurt and pain. This is the demeaning people.

Now. Now I I know all of you are

dealing with different types of people, but remember.

Remember, it's going to be about people throughout Second Samuel.

We're going to deal with people and it's going to get very

bloody in Second Samuel. You thought First Samuel was

bloody. You thought cutting off

Goliath's head was bloody? How about cutting off family

members? How about dealing with people

that you say that you love, but you're talking behind their

back? How about stabbing people in the

front? How about this is what Second

Samuel has to deal with? And, and, and I used to think,

OK, God, I'm going to love you, but I don't know if I really

love people. You ever have that attitude that

that, that attitude that I've shared with you guys before?

The more people I meet, the more I love my dog.

You know, that attitude. Sometimes I wake up grumpy,

other times I let her sleep. You know that, that that that,

that that attitude of it's always their fault.

I'm always dealing with people. But listen, the greatest person

I've realized six years ago that I had to deal with was myself.

I didn't have to deal with the other person, but I became so

focused on the other person that I never dealt with my own self.

And because I wouldn't deal with my own self, I ran on this

hamster wheel over and over again and I demeaned people and

I destroyed people and, and I found that in my life I was a

discontented person because I never became safe enough in

Jesus Christ. Can I just say this to you in

grace? The rudest people you meet are

the most insecure people you'll ever meet.

The most negative person you can meet in your life often times is

the most insecure about their own life.

So so how does this story represent to us how we can be

people that would fight fairly? I want to just say this number

one and you just just just give me a good Amen to this.

Ready. Stop the drama.

Stop the drama. Your life isn't a soap opera.

This is not daytime television. This is not going back to Maury

Povich. This stopped the drama.

Listen to what happens. Abner, the son of Nur, the

commander of Saul's army, in verse eight, took his Shibucha,

the son of Saul, and he brought him over to man named, and he

made him king over Galid, over the Asherites, over Jezreel,

over Ephraim, over the Benjamin, and over all of Israel.

Notice that if Shibushed, Saul's son was 40 years old when he

began to reign over Israel, and he reigned for two years.

And only the House of Judah followed David.

And the time that David was king and Hebron was over the House of

Judah was seven years and six months.

Look at the contrast of verse 8 to the contrast of verse 1.

I believe the writer's intention for us is to show how David

lived and how Saul's family lived.

The contrast in what David does is this verse one.

It happened after this, the death of Saul and Jonathan, that

David inquires of the Lord. Notice the contrast verse 8.

But Abner the son of Nur, commander of Saul's army, took a

Shiba chef, the son of Saul, and brought him over to Mehen name,

and he made him king. Notice what David does, he

inquires of the Lord. And notice what Abner does.

He immediately takes a Shiba chef and he puts him up as king.

Do you see the contrast? Even though Abner knew Samuel's

words, he knew David's anointing.

He knew the promise that was on David's life.

He, out of abrupt rashness, takes a shibashet and he puts

him, notice this, over all of Israel, over not just Judah, not

just one tribe, but he takes all the 11 tribes and he puts him in

this place. Why?

Why would Abner do this? Is because Abner wanted a king

that he could control. That's why your control over

every single matter fuels the fire of your drama.

How did we survive as kids with parents who didn't know our

location? How did we ever survive?

How did we make it to 2026 without parents knowing our

location? Oh, I see you right now at Pick

and Save. Y'all remember Pick and Save?

I see you at the mall. No, no, no.

I told my mom, hey, I'm going to go play at the park.

I went to the park. That's where I played.

I was there until the streetlights came on and I came

home. But she had to learn how to

trust even her kids in the process.

Some of us are so controlling that we follow people around

everywhere they go, and we don't even live our own life because

we're so consumed with where they're at and what they're

doing. I think our control fuels the

fire of our own drama in our lives.

Husbands, we have to control our wives.

We have to control our wives better, make sure everything

they do, they get permission from you.

Now, I understand you're the leader, spiritual leader of your

household. But I also understand that your

wife is not your child. She's your.

Help me. Oh.

All right, let me move on. I'm about to say some things I

shouldn't say and get myself in trouble.

Listen, listen. You try to control your husband.

You try to form and fashion your husband into a person that might

take five years for him to get to, but you know what to do,

right? As a wife, you know what knobs

you're going to turn. You know what buttons you're

going to push. You know how to tell him certain

things so you can manipulate his growth.

Let him grow organically. Let him grow spiritually.

Give yourself. Now, I'm not saying if your

husband's in sin, you don't address that sin.

If your husband's out getting drunk and you're like, OK,

Casey, I'll just be quiet. Now, I'm not saying that as a

wife, you have a voice. Use your voice.

But what I am saying this is loosen the grip, release some

grace. And all the husband said wow.

That was weak. We're like, oh, Baron, don't say

Amen to that, because if I say Amen, it's going to be bad on

Sunday. Listen, listen.

We try to control the outcome of our kids.

This is my biggest downfall. This is my biggest downfall is I

try to control an outcome for my kids, not just because I'm

trying to be controlling, but I think I'm actually trying to be

safe and this is my excuse as a parent.

If I can save you from the pain that I went through, you'll be

OK. But.

Some of the. Things that our kids might do is

consequences that they're going to have to face themselves.

We try to control our Co workers, we try to control our

boss, we're trying to control our friends, we want to control

the church. In life there are always one

danger and that is the right person.

The Captain Jesus needs to be at the seat leading the charge of

the ship. Who knows how to handle every

situation that we go in? So trying to carry the weight of

holding everything and everyone together is a role that God has

never called you to play. It's taking right now a great

toll on your peace. What is it in our lives that we

don't trust? Whatever that is, you'll find

out that you try to control. Whatever you don't trust, you

try to control. Let me say that again.

Whatever you don't trust, you try to control.

Abner's fight was unnecessary. It was unnecessary.

True strength is not going to be found in how well you fight, but

how well you'll surrender. And I believe conflict was

birthed in our story when control was not released in our

story. No, no, no.

Understand this if you would. And let's get this.

If there's any place of all of this conflict, listen, let that

be faced in here today. And So what we'll understand is

in every outcome, you will come out of it OK for the glory of

God. And you have to understand that

you can straw stop the drama by releasing control over the

situation. Listen, if God was good enough

to have his Son die on the cross for me, if God was good enough

to make the magnificent mountains behind me and cause

the sun to come up and cause July to happen in the month of

February in Southern California, If God was that good to provide

and sustain, can God not control your life?

You can stop the drama by releasing control.

You can just look at the person and say I release you.

I release you and then 5 minutes from now you try to control them

and I release you again. Then on Monday they wake up late

and you're like, I release you today and then throughout the

week you're like, oh, I'm trying to take control again.

I release you. I release you to the nail

pierced hands of Jesus. If he can die and rise again

from the dead, he is strong enough to control this.

Stop the drama. I'm going to give you the second

thing. If you want to fight fairly,

pick your battles. Pick your battles.

Check this story out. And now Abner the son of Nur and

the servants of Ishibosheth the son of Saul, went out from Maha

name to Gibeon. And Joab the son of Zariah, and

the servants of David went out and met them by the pool of

Gibeon. So they sat down one-on-one side

of the pool, and the other on the other side.

And notice this, they were on one side.

They sat down and the pool, and the other on the other side of

the pool. Then Abner said to Joab, Let the

young men now arise and compete before us.

Just circle the word, compete there in your Bible and Joabs.

Joabs said let them arise. This was the Mad Dog.

When you're at the store and someone's looking at you

harshly, this is the you got a problem with me and the other

person. Yeah, I got a problem with you.

And then you push it a little bit further.

This was that moment. Now, when you think of the pool

of of where they're at, this this pool of Gibeon, I don't

want you to think of this like long American swimming pool.

This is not a pool party. They're not in their swim

trunks. They're not holding umbrellas

and drinking their coconut drinks.

This is not happening. This is a huge well in Gibeon.

This is huge and on one side there is Abner and on the other

side there's Joab and they say across the way, let's fight.

You have a problem with me. I have a problem.

With you let's arise together. And so they arose and went over

by the number verse 1512 from Benjamin, followers of

Shibosheth the son of Saul, and 12 from the servants of David,

And each one grasped his opponent.

By the head check this out and thrust his sword in his

opponent's side each one. They fell down together and

therefore that place was called the Field of Sharp Swords, which

is in Gibeon. So there was a very fierce

battle that day. And Abner and the men of Israel

were beaten before the servants of David Abner.

Joab, pick your battle. Hey, you got a problem with me?

Yeah, I got a problem with you. OK.

You want to fight? Let's not us fight.

Let let's let our men fight. 12 men on each side.

They grab each other's head and then they thrust their sword

into their sight. The battle is so fierce that

they label the spot the field of sharp swords.

You ever you ever found that that place in your living room,

the field of sharp swords, You ever been in the kitchen with

your husband or your wife? And it's the field of sharp

swords. You ever been in the backyard?

Or how about this on the freeway and you're driving husbands and

your wife's? Like.

She's like hitting the brake that's not on her side.

And he's how's this just frustrating me?

Stop. It's a field of sharp swords.

You've been in the mall and and you're you're you're you're

shopping and it's getting too long and you're hungry and

you're frustrated. And then it turns into the mall,

turns into the field of sharp Swords.

Do you guys know what I'm getting at?

This was so severe that they named it the Field of Sharp

Swords. It was so severe that in verse

17, they call it the fierce battle that day, the fierce

battle that day, Abner and Joab. And notice how this happens.

And I want you to write this down.

This happens with hot heads who drew hard lines.

This happened with hot heads who drew hard lines.

The line is drawn. And look at the word compete.

The word compete there is a Hebrew word called suck hawk.

Suck hawk. Let's say that together.

Suck, hawk. There you go.

Just say it. There you go.

In Hebrew, notice this word means to laugh.

Notice the word there means to play.

And that's sometimes what you think your sarcasm leads to,

laughing and playing. But what you're really doing is

cutting. And what we're really trying to

do in this moment is in our lives, cut the person down to

the size that we want them to be in.

Let's move forward because I'm feeling a little conviction.

This is a challenging time and they choose to challenge each

other at the destruction of others.

Can I just say that because one will not yield, 12 on each side

die. And I think your kids face the

greatest price. I think your friends face the

greatest price. When parents will not yield,

when friends will not yield, When we won't be humbled because

your ego mattered more than your likeness to Jesus.

Can I just say this? God doesn't need your machismo.

He just doesn't. I'm not saying that you don't be

a man, but what I am saying is this is you're machismo makes

the image of Jesus murky. My rising up of my own ego and

saying, well, I am the greatest leads to this place where you're

not teaching your son how to become a man.

You're actually teaching him what God doesn't want in a man.

You're actually not teaching your daughter what to look for

or even moms, well, I'm not going to allow that man to show

me chivalry. Don't open my door.

I can open my own door. Where's that coming from?

Many times it's coming because you were hurt by a man and you

had to stand on your two feet by yourself for a length of time.

But what if that is teaching what it means to be feminine and

what it means to be a woman and how a man should respect a

woman? How about us in our lives

finding out that because of this, now 12 people will die

because of this? The number 12 is an interesting

number in your Bible. The number 12 means for us that

this is divine authority. This is governmental perfection.

And the number 12 in the Bible represents complete

organization. Notice what the altercation led

to. The altercation led to division

of that and you will always break up what God designs

because you're not willing to yield.

Pick your battles. Can I just say this to you and

you would write this down? Not every provocation deserves a

reaction. Not every provocation that you

have from somebody else deserves your reaction.

I just experienced this in Arcadia.

If you ever want to grow spiritually, drive in Arcadia.

If you ever want to be more mature in your Christianity,

drive in Arcadia. It's just somewhere where God's

constantly seems to be testing me.

I don't know why, but He keeps bringing me back to the spot.

And so I'm driving down the road and and I have a green light and

all of a sudden this guy just turns, makes a right and cuts me

off. And so I didn't want to lay on

my horn. So I just flicked my lights and

I moved over and as I'm driving by and I just kind of smiled at

him. He's I shouldn't do that.

I was about to do that. He he flipped me off and I just

looking at him like I didn't raise my hands like that.

I kept my hands on the wheel, but like, why did you have to do

that? And then I thought to myself,

why'd you have to flick your lights at them?

And the crowd went quiet. And I realized, I realized what

my counselor told me, my therapist, he told me these

words. He's all Casey.

You don't have to run into every fight.

Then he gave me these words. He said what I need from you is

this more vibrancy, less vigilance.

So how do I do that when I'm with people who are trying to

pick a fight? Listen, remain calm and

disengaged. They're rage baiting you.

They're rage baiting you. It's a new term I learned from

my kids. They're they're, they're rage

baiting. I'm like, you guys are rage

baiting me right now. It's like 6-7, you know, all

this stuff like rage bait 6-7 like what, what in the world?

But remain calm and disengaged. Remaining calm and disengaged

will even make them more upset probably.

But you're not going to be moved by them because you own your own

responsibility with the Lord. Listen, write this down if you

would, and you're taking note. Realize this.

I want you to return kindness for hate.

Oh, that. This one's hard.

This one's hard. Proverbs 25, verse 22.

Proverbs 25:22

I want you to write that down. I want you to do this.

This one's going to be hard to pray for your aggressor.

Pray for them. Yeah, like I have been for

years. The day we got married.

Listen, the last thing I want you to do are a few few more

things, sorry, is I want you to look through the situation, not

just at them. We need to look through the

situation, not just at them. And here's what I want you to

do. I want you to set wise

boundaries. Conduct comes with consequences.

And the reason why many times we let people continue to do the

same thing is because we're afraid to give them the

consequence to their action. Wise boundaries is not.

So you build a wall to keep people out.

It's actually to bring safe people in.

Let's move on because I'm running late.

Here we go. And that is this.

If you're taking note, I want you to remember this.

In conflict, speed is not always wisdom.

Speed is not always wisdom. The Bible says Joab Zaraya, who

is David's sister. Joab and Abishai and Assayel

were her sons and Assayel was fleet of foot as a wild gazelle.

We don't use that a lot in Glendora.

We don't say about people like walking down Glendora Ave. like

you were fleet of foot and as wild as a gazelle.

We, we don't, we don't use that right.

We don't look at someone at the gym and go, oh, you're fleet of

foot and wild as a gazelle. We, we just don't use that

language anymore. What does it mean?

This is really deep. He's fast.

That was a good word. You guys should have like a bro,

like all this applause should have happened at that moment.

So Assael pursued Abner and in going, he did not turn to the

right hand or to the left from Abner.

And then Abner looked behind him and said, are you Assael?

And he said, yes, I am. And Abner said to him, turn

aside to your right hand or turn to your left and lay hold on one

of the young men and take his armor for yourself.

But Assael would not turn aside from following him.

Notice this. So Abner said again to Isaiah,

Turn aside from following me. Why should I strike you to the

ground? How then could I face your

brother Joab? However, he refused to turn

aside. Therefore, Abner struck him in

the stomach with the blunt end of his spear, so that the spear

came out of his back. How's that for PG13?

And he fell down there and he died and the on the spot.

So it was that as many came to the place where Asiel fell down

and died, they all stood still at that spot.

Asiel is fast. He's so fast that he's running

after Abner. But speed is not always wisdom.

He is so consumed to pursue. Abner is the word, the word

pursue means this. It means to run after with

hostile intent. He was so fast that as he's

running after Abner that this is, I would say scripturally

this is the first reference to road rage.

This is the first reference to road rage.

He's so consumed with with Abner and what Abner did that he just

follows after him. Can you imagine?

In Arcadia, the headline news pastor fights Arcadian resident.

I, I wanted to get so close to this guy.

Like I got close, like I'm close to Jesus.

And and that's what happens. Abner is being chased.

Asail has a choice to make and the choice is this.

I get so consumed with Abner that I am consumed myself.

And notice the Bible says that Abner took the blunt end of his

spear, not the sharp, and it came out of his back and Asael

died. Why?

Because many times in our lives we're consumed in the process

and we forget the mission of God.

And because Isaiah would forget the mission of God, notice this.

He lost his own life. And maybe you should respond

slower. Maybe we should think about what

we're going to say before we actually say it.

Maybe we should be quick to hear and slow to speak.

The Bible says because speed is not always wisdom.

How can you really slow down? We'll write this down, give some

empathy and perspective to the situation.

Have some empathy and perspective.

Maybe they had a bad day. Maybe they faced a difficult

time. Maybe in that moment, I could

give a soft answer. In the moment of frustration.

I just want you to know that I love you and I know you're

struggling. If you need anything from me,

I'm here for you. How about we bring in some

forgiveness and some focus to the situation and slow it down a

lot. And this last thing I want to

give you is to me the most important.

Let's just wrap this up. You ready?

Here we go. The last thing.

Are you fighting because it is right or because your pride is

hurt? Are you fighting because it is

right, or because your pride is hurt?

The Bible says that Joab seeks after Abner, and the sun was

going down when they came to the hill of Amah, which is before

Gia by the road in the wilderness of Gibeon.

Now the children of Benjamin gathered together behind Abner

and became a unit, and took their stand on top of the hill.

And then Abner called out to Joab, and said, Shall the sword

devour forever? Notice that.

Do you not know that it will be bitter in the latter end?

For you Notice this question. How long will it be then until

you tell the people to return from pursuing their brethren,

their family and joy, upset as God lives?

Unless you had spoken, surely then by morning all the people

would have given up pursuing their brethren.

And so Joab blew a trumpet, and all the people stood still and

did not pursue Israel anymore, nor did they fight anymore.

And then Abner said, and his men went all night through the

plane, crossed over the Jordan, went through all of Bithran, and

they came to Mahaneme. And so Joab returned from

pursuing Abner, and when he had gathered all the people

together, there was missing of David's servants, 19 men, and

Aisel 20. I noticed this, but the servants

of David had struck down a Benjamin and Abner's men, 360

men died. 380 men died that day because they wouldn't stop

fighting. I wonder who's going to die in

your family because you won't stop fighting.

Then they took up Acai and buried him in this father's tomb

watch, which was in Bethlehem. And Joab and his men went all

night, and they came to Hebron at notice this Daybreak.

For almost 400 people died. Almost 400 people died.

Are you still fighting because you're right or because your

pride's hurt? And could it be that it might be

right for you to fight, but how you're fighting is wrong?

Can I just remind you of some things about our story this

morning? And that's this.

Never judge a king by the worst of his people.

They were loyal to David's cause, but they were strangers

to David's grace. Can I encourage you with this

today? Never forget that the mission of

the king is grace. History is littered by people

who left a mass of devastation by hot heads and hardliners.

Can I remind you of this? Always use your greatest gift,

Asyle, you're fast, but use your greatest gift for the best

purpose. Can I remind you of this?

Always live and respond in a conflict.

In light of the coming of our King Jesus, David points us to

Jesus. Are you fighting fairly?

This boxer, Louis Resto punched Billy Collins Junior so severely

tore his iris from his eye he was no longer able to box again.

And I wonder, because of your fight, how many people will be

blurred in their purpose? Do you know Billy Collins Junior

died nine months later? Do you know how he died driving

his automobile in a car accident?

Could it be that blurry vision brought on mass destruction

because someone choose to act not not be fair?

And I wonder in our lives, in how we respond to everyone

around us, if it would be said of us that we're actually

blurring the vision because we won't stop in our own pursuit,

our own way, in our own time without yielding the control

back to God. I just want to close out with

this one song together as we end.

And that is for us just to come together in this place.

And maybe some of you just need to let the steam out today.

Maybe you just need to let this let let this out.

Maybe you need to cry. Maybe maybe you just need to to

kneel. Maybe you just need to lift your

hands. Abner and Joab fought, but it

says that Joab went all the way to Hebron at Daybreak and the

only way while Joab made it to Hebron at Daybreak was because

he stopped fighting. And I believe that your

breakthrough will happen when you stop fighting.

We hope you enjoyed this message and we'd love for you to join us

in person every Sunday at 10:30 AM.

For more information and updates, visit

wearebridgetown.com. Thanks for tuning in and we'll

see you next week.