Sermon

Ecstatically Married. Husbanding

Salt Church

Open publisher episode ↗

Publisher transcript

Transcript

View source ↗
  1. Genesis chapter 2. We did.

    Genesis 2 chapter mention

  2. What is a man? What is a woman?

  3. What is marriage? I had told you that today was

  4. going to be, what is a husband? But like that title was too

  5. restrictive. So I changed today's title to

  6. husbanding. I don't know if that's a word

  7. but now it is husbanding. Gave myself a broad variety of

  8. areas. I could go with it that way.

  9. Genesis chapter 2 verses 18 through 25.

    Genesis 2:18–25

  10. Then the Lord God said it's not good that the man should be

  11. alone. I will make him a helper fit for

  12. him. Now, out of the ground, the Lord

  13. God formed every beast of the field and every bird of the

  14. heavens and brought them to the man, to see what he would call

  15. them. And whatever the man called

  16. every living creature. That was its name.

  17. The man gave names to all the livestock and all the birds of

  18. the heavens and every beast of the field.

  19. But for Adam, there was not found a helper fit for him.

  20. So the Lord God caused a deep sleep to fall upon the man and

  21. while he slept Left. He took one of his ribs and

  22. closed up its place with flesh and the rib that the Lord God

  23. had taken from the man he made into a woman and brought her to

  24. the man. Then the man said this at last

  25. is bone of my bones and Flesh of My Flesh.

  26. She shall be called woman because she was taken out of,

  27. man, therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and

  28. shall hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh and

  29. the man and his wife were Both naked and they were not ashamed.

  30. Heavenly Father, we thank you for your word and for all the

  31. scriptures will look at today. They guide us that teach us in

  32. the direct us to show us what a husband looks like.

  33. A husband who has a heart for God.

  34. A husband who has a heart for his wife, a husband who loves

  35. himself as you command, he showed his well but a husband

  36. who glorifies your name. God, bring us that Revelation

  37. like we prayed and asked for earlier There's no point in

  38. going here without your presence.

  39. So, we commit to obedience before the word is even

  40. preached. We commit to obedience to the

  41. word of God, because we know your ways are best.

  42. We want what you want for the reasons that you want to glorify

  43. your name in us, in our lives, and our marriages, in our

  44. households, in our church, in our community.

  45. We thank you in Jesus name. Amen.

  46. As a man goes. So goes the household as the

  47. household goes. So goes the church as the church

  48. goes. So goes to Ready.

  49. And that brings us. I believe to our present

  50. Insanity in the West. Where did it start?

  51. It started with a man as a man goes.

  52. So goes the household For Better or Worse.

  53. We want to make sure it's for better and has not always been

  54. the case in my marriage. So one of the things that

  55. happens when you teach on this subject, man, we have a very

  56. sensitive filter for respect and for thority that's part of God's

  57. good design for us. That's not a flaw in you

  58. brother, it's not a mistake and yet there's a place like I said

  59. earlier to bring these things under submission, and the place

  60. to bring everything under submission is to the Lord Jesus

  61. Christ. East every Authority is under

  62. Authority as a Man. I'm The Authority in my

  63. household. Absolutely, but I'm an authority

  64. who is under and Authority. The Supreme Court has great

  65. Authority, and yet, they are under the authority of the Lord,

  66. Jesus Christ. Well, they don't act like it

  67. sometimes, I agree. And yet they should, it's sinful

  68. wickedness. When anyone violates the

  69. standards of the Lord Jesus Christ, whether it's in the

  70. government, whether it's in a household or whether it's in the

  71. church, a pastor has Authority in the church and yet he has

  72. Authority. Who is under another Authority?

  73. That's what brings someone who is.

  74. Who's under that Pastor, who's under that husband, who is under

  75. that government, it brings them Comfort.

  76. It brings him security to know. You are under another Authority.

  77. You're not Supreme in yourself. You're not sovereign, husbands

  78. are not sovereign in themselves. Pastors are not sovereign on

  79. their own governments are not sovereign where the government,

  80. okay? And I'll give you the proper

  81. Authority. I'll pay taxes.

  82. And you should punish wickedness and reward righteousness.

  83. That's your jurisdiction. According to the word of God.

  84. Oh, I'm the husband. Okay, you have a limited

  85. Authority. I'm the pastor agree, and you

  86. have a limited Authority. There's a place there

  87. jurisdiction, but to what end to serve and to serve and to obey

  88. the purpose is in the will of the Lord, Jesus Christ.

  89. That's it, that's it. Jesus said, I'm an authority

  90. over all people in all places at all times and I'm going to

  91. delegate my authority. All right?

  92. Lord Jesus. How would you like to delegate

  93. your Authority? I'll delegate my authority

  94. through the civil, magistrate? What we call the government.

  95. I'll do some authorities through that.

  96. I'll delegate other authorities. With to the leadership and the

  97. leadership of the church, I'll delegate some authorities for

  98. that other responsibilities. And then I'll delegate other

  99. authorities and responsibilities through husbands of and heads of

  100. households and I delegate Authority.

  101. That way, that's Jesus doing what Jesus wants to do, where he

  102. wants to do it. So every no one ever gets to be

  103. swelled up and go, you were placed in your position and you

  104. could be removed from it by the Lord Jesus Christ.

  105. So I say all that to say we have to we have to remember our

  106. authorities legitimate and at the same time Arthur He's to

  107. come under submission. This is a good moment for us as

  108. husband's to not swell up and go.

  109. Let's see what you got Preacher, Man.

  110. Bro. This is not.

  111. This is not you versus me. This is U and I together coming

  112. under the authority of the Lord Jesus Christ.

  113. Same team. You and me versus our flesh.

  114. You and me versus the enemy. You and me versus The

  115. Temptations that are common to husband's ladies.

  116. They'll get their turn next week.

  117. I assure you. So I'm an equal-opportunity

  118. preacher. I will not just emphasize the

  119. sins of men. I will also emphasize the sins

  120. of women which The church often fails at Mother's Day.

  121. Sermons are ladies. You're just the best you're just

  122. the sweetest precious, most bestest thing, and then Father's

  123. Day sermons are I'm so disappointed in you guys step it

  124. up. Man up bro.

  125. Come on, come on dude. Now to some degree, it's

  126. appropriate to some degree and because there's a masculinity

  127. and there's a femininity as me and we appreciate Challenge and

  128. that's a that's a distinction that there's something to that.

  129. But at the same time I think a lot of its cowardice to just

  130. never never being willing to talk about the sins of women at

  131. all. These Angelic creatures, who

  132. have just somehow had to had to be yoked up to these, these be

  133. Beasts of Burden called husband's.

  134. That's not the picture that the scripture paints.

  135. And that's not how I preach through this.

  136. So, today, if it feels one-sided, well, it is.

  137. And next week if it feels one-sided, well, it will be and

  138. that's because we're focusing on husbands and wives, but that's

  139. what we want. So let's make sure we have a

  140. heart of humility. I want to be who I'm supposed to

  141. be, and by the way, I'm not prepared to beat you up today.

  142. I'm prepared to encourage you because I have good news.

  143. Good news about what it looks like from the word of God, to be

  144. a husband to be what God intends, and what God wants.

  145. So we're humble we're prepared. We're saying Lord teach me, Lord

  146. lead me, Lord guide me, I'm submitting to the Lord Jesus

  147. Christ. So what do we see right away in

  148. scripture? What do we see right away in

  149. Genesis? We see God, the father right

  150. away, Mary's man and woman. Like we said last week, he

  151. didn't just create Adam and Eve and said, hey you to hang

  152. around, we'll see what happens. Let's see where this thing goes.

  153. That's not at all. What happened man and woman.

  154. You're married. That was the instant intention

  155. of the Lord, man, and woman marriage, man, and woman.

  156. Ridge. That is the normative natural

  157. order. That is the normative natural

  158. design of the Lord. Why?

  159. Well, because a man's natural design is to be a husband.

  160. Remember what we said a man is a man is a protector, a provider,

  161. and a leader. Well that Finds Its perfect

  162. expression instantly in marriage, a protector and

  163. provider and leader of what of who a protector and provider and

  164. leader, Finds Its perfect expression right away as a

  165. husband and father. So we see this as God's good

  166. design for a man to not just be A solo but for a man it's not

  167. good for a man to be so low. The Lord tells us but for a man

  168. to marry a woman. So this is God's natural design

  169. to vary from this or to be distinct from this or to not

  170. marry that would be exceptional. That would be making an

  171. exception and the scripture shows us that there's a time and

  172. a place for that to be set apart for Christ is the time the

  173. distinction to do that. To say I'm going to deliberately

  174. not marry because I feel called to not marry.

  175. I have the gift of This singleness, or as you could call

  176. it, I'm not burning with passion.

  177. I'm not burning with lust because if you were the

  178. scripture, says, get married. The scripture says it's better

  179. to marry than to burn. Don't burn with lust, don't burn

  180. with passion, if I think I have the gift of singleness but I'm

  181. also burning with passion. You don't have the gift of

  182. singleness brother. You don't have the gift of

  183. singleness sister, praise God, find someone to marry, give your

  184. life to them in marriage, that's a good thing.

  185. Nothing to be ashamed of its most natural thing in the world.

  186. That's the normal standard. That's the normal design.

  187. It would be exceptional to be like what Paul said about

  188. himself. He's always survives like me.

  189. You could devote more time to the lord.

  190. Well, I feel you on that pole. All.

  191. And at the same time, if everybody was like you we'd be

  192. out of this place pretty quick. We wouldn't be multiplying

  193. anymore. So that's an impulsive.

  194. But this is me speaking, not the Lord.

  195. So that was not the Holy Spirit giving a command, but we see an

  196. imbalance happening. Now in the church we see

  197. singleness being celebrated go. No you don't need to marry yet.

  198. Live your life, do your thing? That's not normal.

  199. That's super new to the world. That's super new to culture.

  200. That's super new to society. It should not be rejoiced, it

  201. should not be delighted just take forever.

  202. Your thing, why what's the motive here?

  203. Are you separating yourself unto the Lord?

  204. Oh, by all means, but that will be flagrantly and Blitz

  205. glaringly obvious. If someone's living that way

  206. it'll be glaringly obvious, that that's the purpose of what

  207. they're doing. If it's not glaringly obvious

  208. that they're setting themselves apart for the Lord, then it's

  209. glaringly obvious that there's something wrong.

  210. Something is off. What are the details?

  211. What we can't get in all the possibilities and motives, but

  212. the point is, we know the design.

  213. The, the healthy design is for a man and woman.

  214. To give to one another. A man has a desire, and a woman

  215. has a desire and these things are perfectly expressed in

  216. marriage. A woman is made to be a help to

  217. beautify to glorifying to give life.

  218. So Womanhood Womanhood also Finds Its Best expression as a

  219. wife. And as a mother, this is Pastor

  220. obvious kind of stuff. Like it's right there, man,

  221. woman right away, come into marriage.

  222. This is a good thing. So when we come together in

  223. marriage, there are a couple things that we must know

  224. foundationally in this series were talking about being

  225. ecstatic. A married.

  226. You saying that sounds a little bit too idealistic idealistic.

  227. God is an idealist, God is going to have his best, and he's going

  228. to have his way. So that's what we're pursuing.

  229. We're pursuing God's best because you can have it as well.

  230. Your marriage can Thrive. You're going John Michael, I

  231. love your enthusiasm, but you're just naive man.

  232. You just haven't seen enough. You just don't know enough.

  233. You don't know where we're at? I might not know where you're

  234. at. But you'd be surprised how much

  235. I probably know about you. You probably be surprised at how

  236. much I know how to read and how much I know how to read people.

  237. And particularly the people, I spend a lot of time with like I

  238. do you and particularly, when what I do for a living is, I

  239. Coachman and marriage and household things all the time.

  240. So I'm very familiar with all the things that people think

  241. that pastors don't know happen in households, all the things

  242. that people think pastors are too naive to understand and

  243. comprehend and I could never talk to him about that.

  244. I assure you. I've been talked to about that

  245. and I assure you I would love to help you through anything and

  246. everything that you may be facing in any area of your life,

  247. that would be my joy and pleasure.

  248. It's what I was put on the earth to do is to be a blessing and a

  249. gift to you in those ways. But when we come together in

  250. marriage, as we're talking about the ideals and how good it can

  251. be, I want to make much of marriage and at the same time it

  252. is possible. It doesn't happen often but it

  253. is possible to go too far. It is possible to make marriage

  254. to a husband or wife, the ultimate of the ultimates.

  255. And it's not, it's a picture of the ultimate.

  256. So I don't mean to downplay marriage at all because I don't

  257. think that needs to happen. I think that happens enough but

  258. I do want to clarify what is it all about?

  259. It's all about Jesus. That is the Sunday School answer

  260. and it's the right answer. It's all about Jesus.

  261. You belong to Jesus as a husband.

  262. As a wife, but particularly husband's Jesus is your Lord and

  263. Master, right? Right?

  264. It's all about him. It's all for him.

  265. You are not your own, his mission and his word is.

  266. What you're pursuing, right? Right.

  267. That's what we're doing here. Jesus said it this way, if

  268. anyone comes to me and does not hate their wife, really, I've

  269. got to hate my wife, specifically said anyone who

  270. comes to me and does not hate his own father and mother and

  271. wife, and children, and brothers and sisters.

  272. Yes, even his own life. If you don't hate all that you

  273. cannot be my disciple. What is Jesus telling us to hate

  274. all these people? Well, what he was doing here is

  275. using hyperbole, he was making a point.

  276. He was saying I'm going to make this exaggerated point.

  277. He's going to say your love for me.

  278. Should be so far greater than anything and everybody else.

  279. Else. How do you know?

  280. I thought we always just take what the word says, we take what

  281. the whole word says and we see where we're commanded to love

  282. our wives but Jesus is making a point.

  283. He shocking the audience, they're going out like this guy.

  284. All the crowds are starting to gather and Jesus knew how to fit

  285. in a crowd, all the crowds start Gathering.

  286. He's not going, how do we retain more people?

  287. And we retain more people. We need better retention

  288. policies, we need to do more things.

  289. We need better coffee in the lobby.

  290. That's not what he did. As more and more of thousands

  291. and thousands came, he said, hey, hey, you don't hate

  292. everybody else, you can't. Be my disciple know like this is

  293. a hard saying he's like yeah I know.

  294. I'm worth it though. And I don't know about that and

  295. of course he brings in the Fuller picture.

  296. The more time you spend with him, if you're humble enough to

  297. stick with him to listen because he knows what he's worth.

  298. So this is what Jesus says about himself and he knows he's the

  299. ultimate, your husband or your wife their gifts from God, but

  300. they are not God, marriage is not God, and our marriage is as

  301. good. And as rich as they should be on

  302. this Earth, they will finish when we leave this earth and

  303. they will point to constantly the greater marriage where Jesus

  304. gets his bride, the church and We love and live with him

  305. forever. What else do we see?

  306. What else? Do we know a husband and wife

  307. their brother and sister in Christ?

  308. You need her and she needs you to grow and to look more like

  309. Christ to grow up into the maturity of Jesus.

  310. What else do we see? What else is foundational?

  311. Your love for your wife is meant to reflect the love that Christ

  312. has for the church. So we're going to go to

  313. Ephesians chapter 5. You were in Genesis you're going

    Ephesians 5 chapter mention

  314. to turn way to the back of your Bible in Ephesians.

  315. Ephesians 5 verse 25. Husbands love your wives as

    Ephesians 5:25

  316. Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her that he might

  317. sanctify her. Having cleansed her by the

  318. washing of water with the word so that he might present the

  319. church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any

  320. such thing that she might be holy and without blemish in the

  321. same way husband's should love their wives.

  322. As their own bodies, he who loves his wife, loves himself

  323. for No one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and

  324. cherishes it just as Christ does the church because we are

  325. members of his body. Therefore, Jesus quoting Genesis

  326. now, therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and hold

  327. fast to his wife or Paul quoting Genesis Jesus quoted as well.

  328. But here, this is Paul hold fast to his wife and the two shall

  329. become one flesh. This mystery is profound and I'm

  330. saying that it refers to Christ in the church.

  331. However, Let each one of you love his wife as himself.

  332. And let the wife see that she respects her husband.

  333. So, what does a husband for? What does a husband do?

  334. A husband is made to cover and a husband is made to protect Not

  335. not different from his role as a man.

  336. We defined a man as a protector, provider in leader.

  337. What's a husband for it? Well, a husband is made to cover

  338. a husband, is made to protect and in Ephesians 5:25, we see

    Ephesians 5:25

  339. that Jesus gave himself up, that's what a husband does.

  340. We said that masculinity has the heart of service.

  341. Masculinity is pointed towards someone else, masculinity points

  342. itself elsewhere to say, I'm going to use this masculinity.

  343. I'm not going to use femininity. I'm going to use this

  344. masculinity but I'm going to put it in service of others.

  345. We do this as men. We know how to protect we take

  346. pride in that as we should. We know that we're supposed to

  347. walk on the road side, if you're walking on the sidewalk, we know

  348. to do that kind of thing, I'm putting myself in front of the

  349. danger between her. I stand between my wife, in the

  350. world, I stand between my wife and the bad guy and that's good.

  351. But we're supposed to stand between our wife and every

  352. threat, no matter what. It may look like foreign and

  353. domestic spiritual natural and emotional.

  354. This is where we start to level up as a husband, this is where

  355. it gets exciting. You know, the software that we

  356. have on our phones, it always having to put out the new

  357. version, this is what a husband should be doing as well.

  358. This is what a wife should be doing as well as what a Believer

  359. should be doing as well. I'm born again and yet, I'm

  360. continuing to grow and continuing to be more

  361. Sanctified. I'm continuing to be more

  362. mature. So husband 1.0 should look

  363. different from husband 2.0. And I want to continue to

  364. release new versions ago. I've got something else.

  365. I can grow in husband. 1.0 says I made the money.

  366. I provided for these people and I made sure nothing bad

  367. happened. That's good stuff.

  368. That's good. Godly and right.

  369. And yet thankfully there's a lot more and the way the Lord does

  370. this is whenever we think we get to level we're getting close to

  371. level 10. The Lord shows you.

  372. It goes to 100 and you think I'm starting to get to 100.

  373. Lord says, hey, it actually goes to a thousand.

  374. This is good news. It's not a discouragement.

  375. It's not a devastating thing. You get to see more fruit.

  376. Why would I want to keep putting in more work brother because the

  377. fruit gets ridiculous. The fruit Gets really, really

  378. good. What kind of fruit are you

  379. talking about? If you can think about it then?

  380. Yes, that's the kind of fruit I'm talking about it does.

  381. There's nothing, there's nothing that the Lord doesn't give to

  382. the pleasures of marriage, everything that the Lord is

  383. intended for marriage. He wants Christians to have

  384. Christian should have the best marriages.

  385. Christian should enjoy God's very best in household, and as a

  386. husband continues to give himself in these ways and to

  387. find other ways to level up, not just, I did the minimums.

  388. Well, those were important. Praise God for it.

  389. Thank you, keep up the great work, man of God and yet, keep

  390. up the great work. There's other levels, there's

  391. other ways to grow and protect. So, we want to cover our wives,

  392. not just physically, but we want to cover our wives emotionally.

  393. We want to cover a wives spiritually, as well.

  394. Not being like, Adam, not being like, Adams, son, Cain, Adam

  395. saying, It's this woman that you gave me being passive standing

  396. by letting Eve experience the devastation of sin, letting Eve

  397. experience interaction with the Enemy and Adams, I don't know

  398. what he was telling himself. I don't know why he was just

  399. standing there and then Cain having the same attitude of his

  400. father, killing his brother in the Lord saying, where's your

  401. brother? And I My Brother's Keeper, it's

  402. not my, not my circus, not my monkeys, Constantly stepping

  403. back. This is the passive man.

  404. This is regression. This is sinful and this is the

  405. same Temptation that we have. I did my minimums give me a

  406. break. I did my minimums leave me alone

  407. instead of I want to build more and more.

  408. I want to see God's best. I want to see more fruit.

  409. The harder you work in your garden.

  410. The better. The fruit is the the the

  411. sweeter, the strawberries become and the bigger the Harvest.

  412. So this is not a fruitless work, this is not just an endless

  413. labor, you're not sister. - just pushing the rock uphill

  414. endlessly, it rolls back down. Well, what do I do now?

  415. Push it back up the hill. You're not just digging a hole

  416. for no reason and filling it back in every single day.

  417. You're getting to enjoy the fruit.

  418. This is what Jesus does with the church.

  419. Why does Jesus do it? Because he wants to present a

  420. bride to himself. I thought he just did it because

  421. he loves me so much. He does love you so much.

  422. And he wants to glorify his name, and he wants what he

  423. wants, and he wants to present a bride to himself to bring him

  424. glory. God loves us.

  425. And God is also all about God's glory.

  426. It's not a wrong thing to want to want to enjoy Treasures to

  427. want to enjoy Pleasures. We got to store them up in the

  428. right place. Jesus tells us and at the same

  429. time, we want to cultivate our wives.

  430. For, what are you doing that? Because you love your wife.

  431. Are you doing that? Because you love yourself.

  432. Well, if he has made it plain that we should love both.

  433. Love your wife. As you love yourself, the Bible

  434. takes it for granted that a husband loves himself.

  435. That's a normal thing. It's not a wrong thing and yet

  436. we're to love both for the same reason.

  437. That David wanted to kill Goliath.

  438. What did he want to do it for all the reward?

  439. Or did he want to do it? Because the Goliath was defying.

  440. God both he want to do it because this giant is defying

  441. God and he found out. Whoa whoa whoa you get the

  442. King's Daughter. You get all this money, you get

  443. all this land, what he asks, like three or four different

  444. times, like what do you get? I was already going to kill this

  445. dude, but you get what? And they're like.

  446. Yeah, you get all this other sign me up.

  447. Like, I'll go after this guy, this sounds great, as a husband.

  448. We do the same thing. I want the good fruit.

  449. I want to see my wife blessed. I want to see her thriving.

  450. Why? Because I also enjoy that, I

  451. enjoy my wife at rest. I enjoy my wife thriving, I

  452. enjoy my wife, when she's at her best In First Peter, turn their

  453. turn to First Peter, you're going to turn to your right

  454. again. After James first Peter 3.

  455. He's giving household codes as they would call it.

  456. We're looking at verse 7 first Peter 3:7.

    1 Peter 3:7

  457. Likewise Husbands live with your wives in an understanding way

  458. showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel since they are

  459. heirs with you of the grace of life.

  460. So that your prayers may not be hindered.

  461. I like how the Lord gives the command and then he has a threat

  462. on the end of it. It's not to be taken lightly.

  463. It's kind of funny and at the same time, it's dead serious.

  464. Live with your wives, in an understanding way understanding

  465. what? Well, one of the biggest errors

  466. that I see husband's making and a lot of the work that I do,

  467. they don't live with their wives in an understanding way,

  468. understanding that she is a woman, understanding that a

  469. woman in a manner different like we were talking about, as we

  470. Define masculinity and femininity and just were not

  471. interchangeable gender-neutral humans.

  472. We know that at the social level, but in marriage, we often

  473. times still functional. Behave like we are

  474. interchangeable functionally. We act as though our wife should

  475. act like a dude, but your wife is not a bro.

  476. Your wife is not a dude. You didn't want to marry a man.

  477. You wanted to marry a woman, so do not masculinize her.

  478. How do I masculinize my wife with your intensity with your

  479. logic with your argumentation? Don't conquer her with your

  480. dominance, your dominance your strength, all these things are

  481. strengths, but all these things are very masculine and they need

  482. to be applied in masculine settings, you and me on the back

  483. deck, bro, we can Spar, we can go back and forth.

  484. We can argue, we can tease, there's all kinds of things that

  485. we can do and it's fine but often times a wife is going to

  486. be crushed. Oftentimes a wife is going to be

  487. hardened by these things. They the the modern man looks to

  488. his wife and says toughen up and this is Devastating.

  489. This is a terrible thing to say, to a woman, toughen up, I was

  490. shit. Why should she have to toughen

  491. up? She has a covering right about.

  492. She has a protector. Why does she have to be so tough

  493. and so hard? We want her softer.

  494. Actually, we want her enjoying the feminine.

  495. Understanding what understanding that she should be enjoying her

  496. femininity rather than adapting herself and becoming more

  497. masculine. A lot of times, we've

  498. masculinized our wives and then we blamed our wives for being

  499. masculine. She's bossy.

  500. She's nagging. She's She's hard-charging.

  501. She's so headstrong. Well, she learned from the best.

  502. She got, she got life on life, lessons day after day.

  503. Where you're constantly showing her?

  504. What does it look like to be intense?

  505. Well, what do you mean by that? What do you mean by that,

  506. painting her into a corner with logic?

  507. A lot of men are good at this stuff.

  508. A lot of men are really strong at thinking clearly I think so,

  509. clearly, and logically, brother, that's a strength.

  510. That's a gift. And it's nothing to repent of.

  511. And yet, we don't want to intimidate our wives with

  512. dominance. I've worked with a lot of guys

  513. in the work that I do and it First, I couldn't sniff it out.

  514. I didn't recognize that they were weak on compassion because

  515. I saw that they love their wives.

  516. That was obvious. They love their wives just like

  517. you do just like I do but as I spent more time coaching them,

  518. as I spent more time hearing about the back and forth, I

  519. started realizing like bro you need to chill out.

  520. It was just the simple thing. I like bro chill out is the

  521. thing II needed to tell them and the like oh and also well I

  522. didn't realize I know you didn't realize you're just too intense

  523. man. When you walk The room dude,

  524. your wife to her shoulders drop and she at rest or when you walk

  525. into the room is your wife, more tense?

  526. Because you're there. Man, this is kind of exposing I

  527. feel you on that bro. But the good news is all this is

  528. subject to change. This is not to humiliate and

  529. shame and go. Yeah.

  530. Yeah that's not my point. My point is if you see any of

  531. that bad for recognize that you're the man, you're the man

  532. who can change this thing. We said we're the husband where

  533. the captain of the ship for better or worse.

  534. Well, let's make sure it's for better.

  535. So if you're seeing any of the bad fruit that I reference don't

  536. be embarrassed or ashamed, by it.

  537. Don't feel like she's going to point that out, brother.

  538. I already pointed out. Okay, it's out.

  539. It's pointed. It's okay, as long as you

  540. repent. So yes, is my ego wounded by

  541. some of the stuff of course, and yet, get over it.

  542. Welcome to the crucifixion of the flesh.

  543. This is what you signed up for, right?

  544. Oh, I didn't know it was actually gonna.

  545. Yeah, it's actually, it actually hurts.

  546. I want to Christianity. They didn't they didn't cost me

  547. anything. It doesn't exist.

  548. There is no version. There isn't one.

  549. If you have a Christianity that didn't cost you anything, you

  550. don't have Christianity and you're not a Believer.

  551. Well, that's hard. No, it's not.

  552. It that's love as well. Just like Jesus said.

  553. This is so I got nothing, but good news.

  554. I want you to have good fruit. I want you to have the best

  555. fruit. So, living with your wife, in an

  556. understanding way. What else does this mean?

  557. What else do I need to understand about my wife,

  558. understand that she needs to process her emotions with you.

  559. This is not a fall, this is not a fault.

  560. This is a feature. This is a good thing.

  561. That is part of every woman. Not my wife, brother sister,

  562. whom some of you women. You like not me my sister.

  563. If that's you if you would say not me.

  564. I don't like to process my emotions.

  565. I didn't say you don't like to. I said that you need to and many

  566. women have been masculinized by Culture by hardship by trauma,

  567. but a loving husband can help to soften his wife.

  568. Again, give her a place of safety where she can actually

  569. Express her emotions in a safe and vulnerable way.

  570. And her husband that can then come in with his loving

  571. leadership to bless and to nurture her through those

  572. things. I don't know how to do that.

  573. Well, join the club, bro. It's not the easiest thing in

  574. the world, but there is a path forward.

  575. But it starts by getting her to share vulnerably baby.

  576. What are you feeling? Why?

  577. I feel like you're a jerk with a?

  578. No, that's that's not a feeling that's an accusation.

  579. I'm asking for a literal emotion.

  580. In a motion, like, sad, happy abandoned discouraged,

  581. overwhelmed. I'm asking, I don't want to

  582. share that. That's too vulnerable.

  583. Welcome to submission. My sister.

  584. Welcome. Welcome to the thing that's

  585. difficult for you. Well, what if he doesn't do

  586. right with it? Welcome to submission.

  587. What if he doesn't honor it yet, that's scary.

  588. That's scary. Isn't it?

  589. All the wives are gone. I'm scared if I do that, then he

  590. won't write. So that's why we're going to

  591. talk about that next week. But what we're talking about is

  592. and that's why we're going to end the whole series with the

  593. log. In your own eye.

  594. So I'll be saying to everybody, hey, focus on you.

  595. This is the best path forward husband's, you have incredible

  596. influence to change everything. Wives you have incredible

  597. influence to change everything. Look in the mirror and this is

  598. where you can enjoy God's best understand that your wife wants

  599. and needs. So she might not want, but your

  600. wife needs to process her emotions with you her head

  601. rather than being told her Emotions.

  602. Don't Count. I didn't know how to handle this

  603. woman's emotions for a long time.

  604. I thought, I just need to make her more like me.

  605. I just need to make her harder like bait.

  606. That doesn't make any sense. You shouldn't feel that way.

  607. Oh, Tada, I fixed it. I told her, she shouldn't feel

  608. that feeling problem solved. Way to go hero, husband to the

  609. year. It's all.

  610. I knew. I didn't understand.

  611. Like she's flawed, she's so feely.

  612. I don't know why. She's like this.

  613. Well, you married a woman John, Michael.

  614. Did you intend to do that? Well yeah but I just wanted the

  615. other woman parts. No, no.

  616. You want that? You want the whole woman part?

  617. Because it will bless you. It's a beautiful thing.

  618. It will require more of you. It will require you.

  619. John, Michael do to stop being a boy.

  620. It will require you John Michael to stop being so selfish, which

  621. again, welcome to the point. John, Michael to actually know

  622. how to love your wife as Christ loves the church.

  623. He's helping us mature. No doubt he's helping us grow.

  624. No Doubt. but he's also gentle, he's tender the bruise, the

  625. bruised Reed, he will not break the smoldering Wick, he will not

  626. put it out, he's gentle, husband is gentle with his wife.

  627. Now, this isn't the same thing as saying, that all of your

  628. wife's emotions, always serve her.

  629. Well, that would be the Other Extreme that, when we're not

  630. affirming, every single emotion is totally valid.

  631. So, that's not the same thing. So when I'm saying to ask your

  632. wife to share her emotions with you, baby, what's the emotion

  633. while? I feel like everything's falling

  634. apart, we still didn't get an emotion yet.

  635. We actually want an emotion. I feel scared now, we're getting

  636. somewhere. Now I can come in with my

  637. leadership but my leadership should not be.

  638. Don't feel scared. My leadership needs to look more

  639. like, alright? I know Natalie's afraid, what

  640. are you gonna do about that? How can I help with that?

  641. Maybe I'll minister to her through the word.

  642. Maybe I'll walk out the details of the scenario a little bit.

  643. Hey baby, I know you're afraid. Let me encourage you with

  644. something or I'm sorry, you're afraid.

  645. Let's pray. Instead of don't feel that way.

  646. That's dumb. I'm not afraid.

  647. You shouldn't be afraid. Well, there might be a way to

  648. communicate baby. I'm not scared at all.

  649. That my build a little bit of confidence.

  650. Intense, but it's not the whole fix.

  651. So understand that at the same time every single emotion, she

  652. feels I don't become the servant to every emotion.

  653. My wife feels but I but I do serve my wife with my leadership

  654. and with my head ship to make sure I'm thinking about this

  655. one, what's best. And what's next, what she

  656. feeling, what she experiencing, she's worried, she's afraid,

  657. she's worried about finances. Okay, well then now I can I can

  658. provide some leadership, I can provide some Direction, but that

  659. that here's the good thing about this lady's.

  660. Just so you know that actually creates in us the desire to

  661. serve better. You share vulnerably versus when

  662. you tell us what to do when you say you need to do this with the

  663. money. Hmm I don't like that, don't do

  664. that, I don't receive that, I don't appreciate that.

  665. But when you say I'm scared and I'm worried about I'm going, I

  666. don't want that, I don't want that.

  667. At all, you're scared and you're worried.

  668. What will I'm husband is here to save the day.

  669. Now, I get to be the hero now. I get to step in with

  670. leadership. Now I get to go.

  671. I got this. Oh, I don't want you afraid.

  672. You see the difference. Well, but how do I really get

  673. him to do it? Welcome to Submission my

  674. sisters. You don't you don't get him, you

  675. don't get to make him do it. Welcome.

  676. That's the role of submission. Well, but what if he doesn't

  677. again, welcome to your role and your part and he has the burden

  678. of the responsibility of actually seeing it out loving

  679. and living with his wife in an understanding way.

  680. What if he doesn't remember, he's a man under Authority and

  681. his prayers will be hindered. The Lord won't even answer him

  682. and nothing's going right in my life.

  683. How you treat your wife brother? Everything's falling apart.

  684. How's your wife? I don't have time for that.

  685. I got to worry about. It's probably the Elder way.

  686. It's probably the way you is probably the way you weren't

  687. thinking. It's probably the reverse of

  688. that. How's your wife?

  689. How's your first Ministry going Colossians 3:19.

    Colossians 3:19

  690. Says husband's. Love your wives and do not be

  691. harsh with them all throughout the New Testament.

  692. The commands given two husbands are love your wives, love your

  693. wives, be gentle nourish, cherish do not be harsh.

  694. Why would he say all these things to us?

  695. I have no idea. Obviously because that's my

  696. Temptation. I'm tempted towards harshness.

  697. I'm tempted towards a hardness. I'm tempted towards a coldness.

  698. I'm tempted towards a passivity. And I'm tempted to swing the

  699. pendulum between the two to or I'm over it.

  700. Or run or I'm over it. What does this do?

  701. Is this wife blossoming in this environment?

  702. Mr. Hot mr. Cold.

  703. What is she supposed to think? She's gonna feel insecure.

  704. She's gonna feel scared. She's gonna go.

  705. I wish my husband was under authority of the Lord.

  706. Jesus Christ. I would trust that I could

  707. respond to that, but do not be harsh with them.

  708. Why? Because obviously a harshness is

  709. our temptation, but we don't want to harden our wives.

  710. What else is a husband made for a husband is made to lead,

  711. Naturally and spiritually. First, we'll look at Naturally.

  712. A husband's made to lead naturally.

  713. What does that look like? Well, first of all, we got

  714. understand that leading your wife.

  715. This is a high calling. This is a good thing when I

  716. first understood the burden. When is the first started to get

  717. put on me, it scared me, and I didn't want it at all, which is

  718. why I'm convinced most of the time in the west, especially

  719. people fight for. And they said they want the

  720. egalitarian perspective, the 50-50 women want it because

  721. they've been lied to by the enemy.

  722. To think that it's a position of power and strength, which

  723. they've been deceived and Men want it because they get to get

  724. out of responsibility. That was why I liked it.

  725. Everything's 50/50. That means it's half your fault.

  726. Whoo. So I can never ultimately bear

  727. too much of a burden because I can always go.

  728. It takes two to tango. I can always make reference to

  729. Natalie. So I that's why there's a

  730. cowardice involved in the egalitarian perspective.

  731. It's like, well, what are you gonna do?

  732. She wouldn't go to counseling with me.

  733. Oh, so, I guess you're just stuck in the mud, right?

  734. You can do nothing. Well, I could, but it won't

  735. matter. It's not true you could and it

  736. wouldn't matter. You couldn't, it would make a

  737. difference, leading a wife as a high calling and keep going away

  738. from things here. It's something done.

  739. First for the Lord, though, this is very important.

  740. Husbands get this wrong when they try to do things first for

  741. their wives ladies. You're not going to like this,

  742. but then you're going to like it because you're going to see the

  743. blessing in it. Husbands do what you're doing

  744. for the Lord and not for your wives.

  745. Your wives will be impossible to please.

  746. It was like, Ugh. Amen.

  747. But I didn't intend that part to be funny.

  748. I didn't intend that to be clever, but it, but here's what

  749. I mean, whatever, a husband takes the approach that says,

  750. tell me what to do, whenever husband takes the approach and

  751. says, just tell me what you want.

  752. Whenever husband takes the approach that says, just tell me

  753. what would make you happy. All of this actually makes a

  754. wife feel even more insecure. It's a horrifying thing for her

  755. to feel inside of her because she sees that ultimately, if he

  756. has that approach, it says, just tell me she realizes, she's

  757. actually in charge and she is in control.

  758. And that means she's ultimately responsible for everything

  759. that's terrifying. Why?

  760. Because headship is a real thing.

  761. No matter what anybody says, they believe about it headship

  762. is real. It exists in the heart of a

  763. woman. It exists in the heart of a man.

  764. It's an inescapable truth, no matter what anybody would claim.

  765. They believe we're even have a functionally operate.

  766. This is why most marriages wives are tense.

  767. Wives are stressed. Wives are overwhelmed.

  768. Husbands are generally clueless. Generally, these are the

  769. defaults that we fall to. This is what Natalie?

  770. And I experienced for a long time.

  771. She was 10. She was stressed.

  772. Why? Because their, she had to be the

  773. husband. I was kind of the husband.

  774. I want to be the husband on the cool stuff.

  775. I want to be in charge, make no mistake.

  776. I wanted Authority. I definitely wanted that leg of

  777. leadership. Ship.

  778. But the responsibility part and the compassion part nanites.

  779. So much, but the power. Oh yeah, that belongs to me.

  780. That's really that's in the Bible.

  781. We're going to stand on the word of God.

  782. When it comes to me, being in charge problem, is, I didn't

  783. know what being in charge was supposed to look like, I

  784. thought, like a child, When the boys were little they they built

  785. a fort in the are I built them a fort in the backyard and I went

  786. back there. One day, they had taken a piece

  787. of charcoal and one of them had written the rules for the club

  788. and the rules for the club were written on the wall of the club

  789. and in the charcoal from the fire pit and rule.

  790. Number one was obey. The leader.

  791. Don't know what we stand for, don't know what we're about, but

  792. I know you better obey. The leader.

  793. Rule number two was like comic books.

  794. And then rule number three. It was, it was something about

  795. obeying. The leader it was like, do what

  796. the leader says. It was like, we had to make sure

  797. that that one was in there. What is that?

  798. Well, that's a childish immaturity, and it's how most

  799. adults even think about leadership.

  800. Most adults, think leadership is exclusively the leg of

  801. authority. They don't even know that

  802. there's three legs to leadership, compassion

  803. responsibility and authority. And they don't even know how to

  804. define Authority. So we're going to do all that

  805. properly and accurately here, but husband's I want to Set you

  806. free brother. Stop living to please your wife.

  807. It's an impossible and it is it's impossible.

  808. And it is a Fool's. Errand, I love to please my wife

  809. but I do not live to please my wife When pleasing the Lord

  810. pleases my wife. Wonderful.

  811. But here's the truth. Her best chance at happiness is

  812. actually you living for the glory of God, that's her best

  813. chance. That's the thing that will bring

  814. her the most Comfort. Anyway, so there's going to be

  815. days while I'm trying to do this leadership thing but she won't

  816. follow me brother nobody. I'm keep on doing what you're

  817. supposed to do. Keep on being who you're

  818. supposed to be. Keep on going where you're

  819. supposed to go. Yeah, but she doesn't, I didn't

  820. say she's gonna cheer for you every single day.

  821. But the Lord will and ultimately she will grow.

  822. She will mature. This is how you can bless her.

  823. This is how you can love her. This is how you can lead her

  824. well. But if you're looking to her as

  825. your report card constantly, now there is a way that a wife is

  826. the report card of a husband in a sense, but that's not what I'm

  827. talking about right now. So, in the sense, I mean, let

  828. me, let me look at your wife and then I can tell you about how

  829. you're doing as a husband. There is a sense where that's

  830. true. That's not what I'm saying in

  831. this moment. I'm not saying you're looking

  832. over your shoulder of everything, you're doing going,

  833. is this right? Right?

  834. Is this the way is this? Why should she saw?

  835. I don't know how to be a husband.

  836. I'm a wife. You be the husband?

  837. I don't want to tell you because if I tell you that, I'm still

  838. responsible for where we are and I know you still don't have me.

  839. I know you don't have me really, and I want you to have me.

  840. I want to know that everything's gonna be okay.

  841. So she doesn't want to be responsible for everything, but

  842. we were made to be So you must be a husband for the glory of

  843. God, not to make your wife happy because trying to make her happy

  844. will never make her happy her best chance at happiness.

  845. Is you leading with a mission and with a plan?

  846. So a husband is to say the big stuff.

  847. I talked about the big rocks, we've got this huge pile of

  848. debris that has to be moved and household in marriage.

  849. There's sand that can be moved their smaller rocks.

  850. That can be moved wives and children can move those things

  851. but there's some Boulders in there.

  852. Bubba there. There's only one person who's

  853. going to carry those things away.

  854. There's only one. There's only one.

  855. A person who can get under the weight of that thing and say I

  856. got this one, those are the heavy rocks.

  857. We were built for and we were made for him.

  858. This is a good thing. This is a source of pride and

  859. joy for a man that what kind of big rocks you talking about.

  860. I'm talking about the who we are as a family.

  861. This is who the Clarks are. This is what we're about, this

  862. is where we're going. Then a wife can find her place

  863. in that mission. When my wife just admit she

  864. needs submission. Submission submission sub

  865. Mission sub meaning under Sub Mission sub meaning under what

  866. under a mission. But a lot of guys say, like,

  867. John Michael used to, I want Natalie to submit submit to.

  868. What to what, where you going, homie?

  869. What's the plan here? Oh, what you doing?

  870. Captain? I don't know, but she should

  871. submit to me. So, what where are you going?

  872. What are you doing? Who are you as a man?

  873. I don't know, but I just, she said submit, because I'm a big

  874. boy. Now, I got a wedding band.

  875. Okay. Okay.

  876. It's okay to start there and if you're there right now brother,

  877. it's okay. As long as you repent and say,

  878. wow, this is game changer as it should be, guys.

  879. I worked with guys again for anybody doesn't know for context

  880. here, I do coaching I work with husband's.

  881. I've worked with guys into their 60s and they're going.

  882. I'm 65 years old. And I've never heard this alone,

  883. this in my entire life and I say, praise God for your

  884. humility. Praise God for that because if

  885. you weren't humble, there's no hope or help for you, but Are

  886. men? Who said, oh my goodness.

  887. I wish I had learned this me too, man.

  888. I just learned the hard way, but let's pick it up, brother.

  889. Let's go! We got this.

  890. Praise God! Let's see what the Lord will do.

  891. We're not going to begin in despair.

  892. When I go out the enemy discourage us.

  893. We're here now baby. Let's go.

  894. The Lord brings Resurrection out of dead things.

  895. You were made for this, you were built for this, you can get

  896. under the weight of this big rock and and you can lead your

  897. family with strength and with love.

  898. And this is what helps a wife, this helps a wife to actually

  899. get under a mission and she goes, that's something I can

  900. help with. I got something to do now, but a

  901. woman remember, is made to be a helper.

  902. And she will find a place in a way to help I work.

  903. With a lot of guys who like, I wish my wife Karen more about

  904. our family and our household, my brother is their big mission and

  905. there's a big Vision. There's like no, but she her

  906. work is Her everything. Well, there's a big mission

  907. there that that man's leading that organization.

  908. So she's like, this is something to give myself to at something,

  909. to do. I want to help, I want to build

  910. something up. I want to be a part of

  911. something, as a husband, we can give our wife, that this is who

  912. we are. This is our next chapter.

  913. This is our next season. Well, how do I figure that out?

  914. Well, we can work through all that together and welcome to the

  915. men's round table, but this is who we are.

  916. This is where we're going, this is what we're about.

  917. Giving her a place to give her very best where you can enjoy

  918. her. And she can enjoy giving her

  919. best to her husband and her household.

  920. If a husband doesn't step into his High Calling, as this way

  921. with a, like a man with a plan and he just keeps living as the

  922. guy who got the girl and doesn't know what to do.

  923. For the next five decades, then his wife will be tempted to fill

  924. that leadership void in their marriage.

  925. And this is where you run into a lot of the conflict where wives

  926. start to step up and then, you know, you end up over here

  927. henpecked and she's running everything.

  928. Aang and you're just kind of like the Yes, dear kind of

  929. caricature and oh, how am I supposed to change that?

  930. What am I supposed to do, brother?

  931. You just step up and you start leading.

  932. She's not gonna like that. I didn't say anything about her

  933. liking it. I said, brother, you step up and

  934. you start leading well, she's gonna give some pushback

  935. brother. I didn't say she wouldn't get

  936. pushback but then what's going to happen?

  937. Well, she'll get real mad. Okay, and then what?

  938. Well she won't talk to me for three days.

  939. Okay, well and then what her head will spin around.

  940. Okay, and then what is she going to stab you with a knife?

  941. Maybe, okay, well, then, I don't want you to end up on 60

  942. Minutes. So there's a, there's a wise way

  943. to go about this, but we can't let cowardice keep us and stuck

  944. anymore. We can't.

  945. We can't. So, I don't know how to do it.

  946. Ok, brother, we can figure that out.

  947. Well, she's not gonna like it. Okay, brother.

  948. Well, welcome to leadership. There's no substitute for

  949. courage. There's no substitute for

  950. courage. Why I try to do it and she tells

  951. me it's wrong. Well, you're not following her

  952. though, brother. So I understand how that can be

  953. a bit discouraging, and if I was talking to her, Which in our

  954. case I will be. Then I would say encourage your

  955. husband and support him. Well, I don't know, if it's

  956. right, welcome to submission, my sister, follow him, pray for

  957. him. Bring your counsel, bring your

  958. wisdom, and don't hear things. I'm not saying, don't run to

  959. some extreme, will bring all the balance to all this.

  960. By the way, a captain wants the input of his first officer.

  961. What kind of Captain wants an idiot as a first officer, only

  962. an idiot. Captain wants an idiot first

  963. officer, so of course, I want her her wisdom.

  964. I want her input. I need those things.

  965. And yet, ultimately, who's responsible, if the ship runs

  966. aground, not the person who I handed the wheel to would never

  967. lie, was in Natalie's been ruining everything for years and

  968. now we've run aground. No, no, that's not how it works.

  969. Captain, when the Navy has a ship that runs aground, which a

  970. few years back, they have like three shifts in like, two years

  971. run, aground or collide with other ships, which in case you

  972. don't know. That's ridiculously bad, it's

  973. embarrassingly stupid, for that. Kind of thing to happen.

  974. Guess who got fired and all those scenarios.

  975. It wasn't the person who was in The Wheel.

  976. House at the moment. And one of the cases, the

  977. captain wasn't even on the ship but guess who got fired.

  978. You only get one guess it was the captain.

  979. Why? Because he's responsible, but

  980. no, but I told Bobby to do it, okay?

  981. You're allowed to delegate Authority appropriately but you

  982. can't give up your responsibilities entirely.

  983. You have ownership of the outcomes?

  984. So a wife, unfortunately, when I when I vacate that role my wife

  985. feels like she has to step in and be that because of her own

  986. fears because of her own insecurities.

  987. So now she starts stepping up going, I've got to be the

  988. husband because there's not a man in this house.

  989. We live that we live that, that hurts, it's embarrassing, and

  990. yet it's good for the flesh, for me, to continue to continually

  991. tell you and remind myself. But that's where we were.

  992. So Natalie, she's saying I'm gonna do it except you're not

  993. built for it. You talking down to women?

  994. No, no, I love women and I love men and I love for them to be

  995. exactly what God made them to be.

  996. And it's a beautiful thing when they both get to walk in that

  997. and its wholeness, but it requires me as a man to lead.

  998. So a wife feels anxious, she feels uncovered, she feels like

  999. she doesn't have a head and then this brings us to most modern

  1000. marriage issues where Adam is pointing to Eve and saying I

  1001. mean she did it, huh? Yeah but when the Lord comes

  1002. walking to the Garden, he comes asking for Adam, he comes into

  1003. the garden asking. And looking for the man where

  1004. are you? Not who ate it.

  1005. First, you tell me who hated her.

  1006. She ate it. First, I'll leave y'all to

  1007. alone. No, Adam, where are you?

  1008. I'm here, I was naked. I was ashamed.

  1009. I hid. What happened here.

  1010. There's consequences Eve's responsible for her actions But

  1011. ultimately Adam bears that responsibility.

  1012. This isn't the same message that some that some pastors teach

  1013. that everything's a man, everything that happens is a

  1014. man's fault. That's not what I've said.

  1015. That's not what I believe is not what the Bible teaches.

  1016. But a man says, I'm taking ultimate responsibility for the

  1017. outcomes. Doesn't mean everything

  1018. happened. Everything every single thing

  1019. that's happened is your fault, brother.

  1020. That's not true, but it means that you're responsible for the

  1021. outcomes. Well, she did this, and she did

  1022. us all right, fair enough, brother.

  1023. So now, what, why don't know? Okay, we gotta, we gotta take

  1024. our next step. We got to find a way to bring

  1025. action to this thing. We can't be passive, Adam, and

  1026. we don't want to be aggressive. What do we want to be like

  1027. Jesus? The right thing at the right

  1028. time? The perfect wisdom of God, the

  1029. perfect man himself. But like I said the problem

  1030. comes from not believing the Bible.

  1031. Most husbands don't believe their the head of their wife so

  1032. they don't act like it. They want the 50/50 because it

  1033. means I don't really have to bear the weight.

  1034. Or then we make them excuse the excuse of, we say I tried to I

  1035. tried to lead. It doesn't work because they

  1036. tried it. They tried it once and their

  1037. wife didn't leap for Joy but here's the truth.

  1038. You don't try the word of God. You obey the word of God.

  1039. There's a difference. We're not this isn't an

  1040. experiment. You obey the word of God and

  1041. then no one can stop you from leading and the she didn't

  1042. respond very well approach. Just reveals that I was still

  1043. following her. Anyway, I tried it.

  1044. It didn't work. No no there's no it trying

  1045. anything. It's obedience to the word of

  1046. God and I'm praying for her if she's having a hard time with

  1047. this thing and I'm going to move forward with her with gentleness

  1048. and wisdom to nurture her to cherish her, and to help her

  1049. alone, maybe she needs her mind, renewed with the word of God

  1050. will. Remember who's supposed to wash

  1051. their wives with the water of the word?

  1052. Oh, back here. Again, interesting how this

  1053. keeps happening is as you're saying, it's my fault.

  1054. Who is but it's your responsibility, it's not my

  1055. fault. If my child got bad grades

  1056. necessarily but it's my responsibility to go.

  1057. What are you gonna do about it? John Michael?

  1058. Well, I told him to study more. Well, did it happen?

  1059. Did it work? Well, no.

  1060. All right. Joe Michael.

  1061. So what are you gonna do about it?

  1062. I'm going to get more involved with them with school.

  1063. Okay, now you're thinking now, welcome to leadership it costs

  1064. you something, but you've got to get involved.

  1065. It's not your fault that he didn't obey, and yet, obviously

  1066. more is needed, if you Eat the good fruit.

  1067. What else does this mean? The role of leader for a

  1068. husband? We gotta hurry up.

  1069. Y'all going to slow, you are listening.

  1070. Slow this morning. A husband should be the

  1071. spokesman for his family. Is one way we could put it, not

  1072. because he's necessarily better with words or because he has a

  1073. charismatic personality. But a husband is the

  1074. representative is the point I want to make of his family to

  1075. the world. Husband is the one he says,

  1076. again, here's who we are. Here's what we're about.

  1077. Here's where we're going. We see this in Joshua 24:15

    Joshua 24:15

  1078. Joshua stands up before the people of Israel.

  1079. He says, as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord at this

  1080. point. Joshua is over 100 years old.

  1081. It's very likely. Even by conservative estimates

  1082. that he's got 1000 people, 1000 descendants of his alive.

  1083. At that moment. He is the patriarch of a lot of

  1084. people, his kids, his grandkids, his great grand kids, it's very

  1085. likely. So he's speaking for massive

  1086. household. He's saying, as for us, We will

  1087. serve the Lord but it's important to understand what's

  1088. happening here. He's taking responsibility for

  1089. what he's done and how he's LED and for what they're going to do

  1090. in the future because he probably don't have a lot of

  1091. time left and he realizes that. So at this point, this is a

  1092. responsibility of a, the statement coming from the head

  1093. of a household. This is not an arrogant, you do

  1094. it my way, no matter what, that's not what's happening

  1095. there. It's how I used to read that as

  1096. for me and my house, we will serve the Lord over there was

  1097. gonna be problems up in here now instead It's a man Sam.

  1098. I've Loved, I've LED I'm going to continue to love and Lead.

  1099. We do serve the Lord, the Clark served the Lord, as for me and

  1100. Natalie, and he's boys and my grandchildren, like, Jesus is

  1101. King the end. Why?

  1102. Because I've taken responsibility for the

  1103. discipline for the discipleship and for their growth so that

  1104. they can actually enjoy God's best.

  1105. But whenever we're thinking about being the representative

  1106. before anybody gets too excited for husbands, get too excited

  1107. over four wives think that they've been slighted,

  1108. understand that the role of head again, is the roll.

  1109. How do we sum it up its responsibility again, its

  1110. weight, its weight. So anyone who says why does so

  1111. and so get to be in charge, they reveal that they have no idea

  1112. what being in charge is all about anyone who's like, why did

  1113. they get to get to clearly you're clearly we should Trust

  1114. you with leadership and and clearly you don't know what

  1115. leadership is yet that can change.

  1116. But there are three legs to leadership, like I said,

  1117. earlier, compassion responsibility and Authority.

  1118. How do I Define those compassion?

  1119. You love your family, a lot and they know it.

  1120. That other parts important responsibility, you take

  1121. ownership of all the outcomes and then the third leg, the one

  1122. that everybody's afraid of. But we're going to Define it

  1123. with Clarity Authority, you have the power kind of power.

  1124. You have the power to do what's best for your family.

  1125. You have the power to do what pleases the Lord and when all

  1126. these things are working together, everything is as it

  1127. should be. And then finally, a husband is a

  1128. leader spiritually, the best. And most important thing you can

  1129. do to lead. Spiritually is to love the Lord,

  1130. your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength.

  1131. That's that's the simple answer. Guys always want tactics.

  1132. I like tactics. I like practical but Step One is

  1133. brother. Love the Lord.

  1134. You loving the Lord is going to look like you loving the Lord,

  1135. but it's going to look like loving the Lord.

  1136. It's not gonna look like, I love the Lord my own way and nobody

  1137. else knows about it. No, that doesn't look like

  1138. anything. Then you your love for God,

  1139. should have some fruit. There should be evidence.

  1140. If you love the Lord, your God with all your heart, soul, mind

  1141. and strength, and you were taken into court under that

  1142. accusation. There should be some evidence to

  1143. be able to prosecute. You say, we can prove that he

  1144. loved God how because look at this, look at what we can stack

  1145. up against him or in that case, we could say for him.

  1146. Love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, soul, mind and

  1147. strength. What does that look like?

  1148. What you're talking about? God, you're pursuing God.

  1149. You're sharing the word of God with your family.

  1150. Why? Because you're full of the word

  1151. of God already. I was reading this in the word

  1152. this morning. Hey, I'm you know, hey what, you

  1153. know, today at lunch or not, maybe not today at lunch, but

  1154. you're talking with your wife in the car.

  1155. Hey, would you get out of the word?

  1156. Where do you see? Where do you see that?

  1157. You can apply anything from today's sermon.

  1158. Here's what I can see. I can apply talking about the

  1159. scriptures talking about them, your Bible study.

  1160. Sharing with your wife, how you're praying for her, what

  1161. kind of growth will kind of fruit.

  1162. You want to see next All those details, all the practicals work

  1163. out when you really love and lead your family into the

  1164. presence of God. If you go into the presence of

  1165. God, all the principles of God gets sorted out, Moses meets God

  1166. at the burning bush. God did not start Moses with the

  1167. law. He got into God's presence and

  1168. then the law follows the details matter.

  1169. But even then we want to be like Moses who has a heart that says

  1170. God Show Me Your Glory, and I won't go without your presence,

  1171. wash, your wife, with the water of the word.

  1172. That means you're responsible to God, to be the thermostat for

  1173. your family. You're placed in the garden to

  1174. take ownership of the outcomes for spiritual growth for Hunger

  1175. for faithfulness. And then ultimately to think

  1176. like, you'll present your wife to the Lord in a sense, not

  1177. literally, So every person will stand before the Lord Jesus, all

  1178. by themselves, you're not the priest to that your wife has to

  1179. go through to get to God. That's not what I'm teaching.

  1180. But what I am saying is if your wife has been given to you as a

  1181. flower from God, what are you going to hand back to her?

  1182. What are you going to hand back to him?

  1183. Is he gonna get a tattered stem with no pedals and going, bro,

  1184. what happened here? Or is he going to get a

  1185. blossoming flower? This is what it looks like to

  1186. love to nurture and to care, he says care for her like you care

  1187. for the needs of your own body. So if there's something that

  1188. needs attention, I took care of a hangnail.

  1189. Well, this morning on my own finger.

  1190. So I care about my own body in a husband.

  1191. Cares for his wife, the same way nourishing and cherishing her,

  1192. she's his rib, his flesh, one body, one heart, I'ma notes, go

  1193. here. Dwight Moody said it this way,

  1194. if I wanted to find out whether a man was a Christian, I

  1195. wouldn't go to his Minister. I would go and ask his wife, we

  1196. need more Christian Life at home.

  1197. If a man doesn't treat his wife, right?

  1198. I don't want to hear him talk about Christianity.

  1199. So, bit of slap bit of a slap in the face, and at the same time,

  1200. it's a good encouragement to us, but others, you're well able to

  1201. leave. You're well, able to Shepherd,

  1202. you're well, able to bless you're, well, able to love.

  1203. I don't know what the details look like.

  1204. That's fine. Welcome to the men's Round

  1205. Table. We're gonna start walking

  1206. through these details together, month by month to say, let's get

  1207. practical. Here's the next step.

  1208. And I want to help you move forward if you'll come with

  1209. humility, if you'll continue to submit to the word of God, God

  1210. will get you everywhere, you need to go.

  1211. Take pride in all this because this is how you're showing your

  1212. wife and the world. How Christ is loving the church,

  1213. God's coming into the garden. He's asking you, where are you?

  1214. So, that's what I'm asking. You where are you?

  1215. Ask yourself. That's what I want you to do.

  1216. Is you leave this today? Where are you?

  1217. Where am I? I know you got objections.

  1218. I know you do. I get them all the time.

  1219. It's what I do for a living. I challenge you to try to stump

  1220. me. Please ask me hit me with it.

  1221. I've heard the objections I've heard the but my scenarios

  1222. different bro, lay it on me, will navigate it together but

  1223. let's navigate it and not just drift at Sea and wait for

  1224. something good to happen. Drifting at Sea, never leads to

  1225. anything. Good, we must set the sail.

  1226. We must set the rudder and Captain the ship you're built

  1227. for this. You're made for this, this is

  1228. going to become Automatic. It's going to fill you with life

  1229. with pride and joy. Let's pray Heavenly Father, we

  1230. thank you for the calling that you put on our lives as men and

  1231. his husband's. It's a blessing.

  1232. Jesus. It's like the burden that you

  1233. talk about, your yoke is easy. And my burden is light.

  1234. There is a burden though, and there is a yoke, but it fits us

  1235. well and it's not too heavy. Thank you for fitting this to us

  1236. appropriately so that we can actually Shepherd.

  1237. Well, make us husbands who nourish and cherish our wives,

  1238. God help. Every single one of us to grow

  1239. help me to grow. So that my wife would Thrive.

  1240. So that I would show my wife, my children and the world.

  1241. What Christ's love for the church looks like, And God, I

  1242. pray that you would make these marriages, all the marriages of

  1243. salt Church, rich with good fruit.

  1244. As men are being men as women are being women as children are,

  1245. experiencing the joy, and blessing of it all, glorify your

  1246. name and work through us. Do something in us.

  1247. God, Show us what our next step looks like.

  1248. To love you. Well to serve you Faithfully.

  1249. And to love our wives as you love us all, we thank you for it

  1250. in Jesus name. And now the Lord bless you and

  1251. keep you the Lord, make his face shine down upon you and be

  1252. gracious to you. The Lord lift up his countenance

  1253. upon you and give you great. Peace in Jesus name.

  1254. Amen.