Ecstatically Married - Submission

Ephesians chapter 5, we're continuing our series

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

ecstatically Married next week. We'll take a break from our

series. Will have our birthday

celebration. I'll have a special Sermon, Just

for that, but as we're continuing through our series,

remember we've gone, we've gone very specific, we started.

What is a man? What is a woman?

What is marriage? What is headship, what is today,

submission? And we continue to be detailed

and looking at these things. Things.

We said that it's the will of God, that Christians shouldn't

just be happily married. We should be ecstatically.

Married. Marriage was God's idea.

Christian should have the best marriages.

A good Christian marriage shouldn't look like.

Yeah it's kind of like a good worldly marriage and mean folks

are just doing their best to make the most of it but we've

all tasted and seen that. Some you're going, maybe we're

not there right now. Hey, I know that I live in the

real world just like you do but we're still pursuing God's

ideals and God's best. How will we ever arrived?

If we don't deliberately pursue them in a specific way?

Unfortunately, the spirit of the age has been King very

deliberately against marriage, very deliberately against men,

and very deliberately against women.

So one of our values, as a church is we fight where the

fight is. That means I'm not just going to

preach on things that make us all comfortable all the time.

We're going to preach the full Council of the word of God and

specifically. We're going to be honest about

the lies that are most oppressive to us.

So, the things that I know about in our culture, if we lived in a

different time period, we wouldn't we probably wouldn't

have done this sermon series. 200 years ago in this church, I

wouldn't have preached this. Series at all.

It would have been like Pastor obvious.

Thanks a lot. We already knew that we're

already living according to these things, but since we've

lost a lot of it and since our minds are not renewed concerning

these things, since we got a lot of lies and unrenewed Minds.

We want to pursue these things, very specifically and very

deliberately. So, as we talk about submission,

today, I want to remind all the ladies.

If it feels like this is all about you, it's because it is

just like, last week when we talked about headship, it felt

like, dude, you're coming at me. Pastor I was bro, you knew that

and we all want to grow in the things God has called us to.

This is a loving thing. This is a good thing.

Last week I told them in. You only got good news this

week, ladies, you're only going to get good news.

Well, is it going to feel like crucifixion to the flesh?

Well, yes it is. Welcome to Christianity and at

the same time, it's only good news.

So I'm getting ready to preach the strongest and most clear

sermon that I've ever heard preached on the subject.

And that's not saying much to be honest with you, but that's not

putting you on blast. Nobody has to be nervous or

waiting back. What you're about to hear though

is I am going to get into some specific examples.

I'm gonna give some really granular things and be like, oh,

we're going to talk about the socks beside the hamper.

We're going to talk about, like I want this room painted a

different color. Do you have a scripture for

that? No.

And I'm going to keep making that point to you.

That what we're doing is we're looking at the scripture says,

in all of the passages that emphasize submission and

respect. And we're going to go obviously

that's got to look like something obviously that needs

to be in fleshed obviously that needs to be embodied.

So I'm going to get really practical because I've never

heard that done sermons. I've heard preached on

submission, whenever I was even looking in preparing for this

message it was submit to your husband.

And it was even even sometimes I could hear its be said with

boldness, but I'm going brother. Teach them how what go farther

Pat like help? Because they don't know.

So now they're still going to go home and she's gonna go, I am

submitting and he's gonna know you're not.

No, yes I am. It's we didn't actually bring

Clarity to the spirit of the thing.

Submission is a heart issue. Are there some practical ways to

flush it out or some ways better than others?

Absolutely. And yet it's very much a heart

issue. So the person, the man, or a

woman, the woman to her husband, or the husband to Christ or to a

boss, or to another man, or to some supervisory role.

So, mission is always a heart issue.

What do you want me to do? Well, that's just revealed that

the spirit of this thing is wrong with homes.

Sorry, I didn't do it all. Perfect boss, man, will they

attitude is the issue here. You know, we see this in our

children, right? We all we all can recognize that

they're. So in the same way wives, you're

getting good news today, you're being loved well, but we're not

even though we're going to get specific on some details.

Oh no. I don't have locks are going.

Thank you, even though we're going to get specific in some

details. The main thing.

They pull up boxer here for us, so we have it for anybody who's

not with us. There we go.

The main thing is the heart thing that, of course, is our

priority in everything. So here we are in Ephesians

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

chapter 5. What I'm not going to do today

is, I'm not going to, I'm not going to answer a lot of

objections. I've done a lot of that through

the series, so go back and listen.

I've answered. Hey, what about verse 21?

He just skip past verse 21. I do the full unpacking of

explaining context for you. Genesis. 3:16 in another thing.

Genesis 3:16

Is remember we've got the text line so I told y'all we've got

the anonymous text line. I know this sermon series is

probably brought up a lot of questions.

I told you hit me with them. I want your questions, I want

your objections and when we're all done with this series

Natalie and I were going to do a Q&A together, where we talked

through, where I answer questions, very directly all the

sticky stuff, all the things you like, wait, you said this?

Wait what about this? Here is a difficult scenario.

We're not dodging or side step in anything, the Lord has

Clarity and wisdom for all in all of his ways are perfect.

So we can walk right into With Clarity, with love with

gentleness, with boldness. So that we enjoy God's best

Ephesians 5:22 through 24 wives submit to your own.

Ephesians 5:22–24

Husband's, as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of his

wife is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of

the church, his body and his himself.

It's savior. Now as the Christ as the church

submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to

their husbands. What submission is this word

submission here being used in this context?

It was a military term and it meant to place yourself under

Authority. You're arranging yourself.

Voluntarily arranging yourself under Authority.

So this is not a force thing. Is the importance of teaching

Christian wives submission because this cannot be enforced.

Ultimately, a wife is choosing this thing in the same way that

the Lord Jesus Christ. Chose to submit himself to the

father Father it was not forced upon him but he joyfully and

humbly put himself arranged himself under the authority of

the father. This is what submission means.

Submission is not a four letter word submission means willingly,

not stubbornly. Placing yourself under

Authority. Now I will do a quick

disclaimer. I'm not going to do a sermon

full of them but I will do a quick one.

Submission is a bout order. It is not about value, husbands

and wives. And I've said this multiple

times through the series, I'm saying it again.

This has nothing to do with value and worth husband and wife

have equal value and worth period.

The end we can say it a million times, a husband and wife have

equal value. One is not more important, one

is not worth more. That's that's that's the case in

all human interactions, but we still understand how to honor

that police officer when he pulls us over, don't we we find

ourselves being very respectful suddenly do you think he's worth

more as a human being before God that thought has never crossed

your mind and yet you very much honor his office in his

position? And his in the authority that

the Lord has given to him. So submission is about order,

it's not about value. A husband and wife are equal in

value equal in worth. No one has ever made this

argument about children to parents.

They've never made the argument, you think your children are

worthless, nobody says that and yet, when it comes to the

conversation of husbands and wives, this can be a knee-jerk

reaction to go. What are you trying to say about

women? What are you trying to say about

children? Like our children worth?

Less know, we lay, we would lay down our lives.

For our children. So, what does that say about

them? Well, in the same way, a husband

will lay down his life for his wife.

So what does that say about her value in her worth?

If one human needs to die? It's this one, it's the head.

So is he worth more? Well, it's the rolls.

It's the right thing at the right time as we said a man as a

protector provider and a leader. So he joyfully says I'm dying.

This is my this is my duty and I do it.

Joyfully not. Oh man would have my worthless

know it's the right thing at the right time.

It's God's perfect. Design.

So, just like children and parents are equal in value and

worth. Just like the Father, the Son

and the Holy Spirit are equal in value and worth.

And still, there is headship and submission in the Trinity Christ

submits to the father but he is not less than the father in

value. But he takes his place in the

order of the Trinity and chooses to obey the will of the father,

only a people Twisted by sin believe that Authority cannot be

loving. I didn't come up with that one,

it's from non tenant. Only at people Twisted by sin

believe and make this argument that Authority cannot be loving

but we even defined Authority for men.

When we talked about leadership, remember we said, Authority is

the power, the power to what the power to do?

What is best the power to do? What you believe is the right

thing? According to the will of God.

So our Authority as husbands are headship as husbands, remember

is not a tool to stroke our own ego.

It is a tool with which we fulfill the will of God in our

households in our lives. So submission is a gift.

To a wife as a wife, surrenders and submits, she is unburdened

and she is freed to fulfill her purpose to help her husband to

bring life to beautify. And to glorify.

This is to bring utter relief to wives rather than a wife who is

grasping for power. Rather than a wife who is

looking for control, she gets to come to the place of rest, why a

wife who has lived in a place of control and grasping, this is an

exhausting thing. This is a burden, something that

many wives live in chronically. Don't recognize it.

Anybody who's ever had a chronic health issue and you make the

change, you get the right thing. You know, it was that I didn't

even know, I was sick. I've talked to loved ones, like,

Man, I had this thing done, I didn't even know.

I felt sick. It was the only thing I ever

knew had a loved one who had blockages in his neck and it had

been decades. He had been living with that

way. He got the surgery because I

didn't know I was supposed to feel this.

Good. I'm convinced that many women

have no idea how good and beautiful.

It feels to feel feminine and surrender to their Husbands in a

Godly christ-like way, they don't even know, like they don't

know that they've got this low-grade fever until they

suddenly feel better. And go, what a relief, what a

joy, what a blessing to actually have a covering to have a head?

Who my husband is the greenhouse who who takes the brunt of the

pressures of life and I can help him in actually be his his

submitted helper in the mission of God together as we glorify

the Lord together. So a husband is unburdened when

she submits and she is free to fulfill.

All her purpose to help her husband to bring life to

beautify. And, to glorify, which we said,

again, are the purposes of woman, man, has purpose woman

has purpose. A woman is a life-giver.

She's a beautifier, she's a glorify.

ER, but a wife does have a temptation to control things.

This comes from the fall. So when the Lord is, is giving

punishments to Adam and Eve, one of them that she get, he gives

to Eve as he says, your desire will be for your husband.

We're not going to I'm not going to teach it out right now, but

we We do know there's a full context of scripture that that

desire. It's used a few chapters later

by Moses in Genesis when he's talking about Cain and Abel and

the Lord tells cane sin has its desire for you.

So this is not a wholesome designer, it's not, I love my

husband. It's sin was Desiring to destroy

Kane. And the Lord said, but you must

rule over it. It's the same thing that he was

saying to Eve, hey, you will have a sinful desire for control

over your husband, but he will in the good way lead and rule

over you. Apart from his own sinful

temptations, that he also has to crucify now because of the fall,

but a wife's temper, a wives temptation to control brings

only temporary satisfaction. Like with all since she's left

feeling empty and in worse shape than before, it's only in

submission, where her pressures relieved, so submission and

vulnerability. I'm still defining submission

for you submission and vulnerability, go hand-in-hand,

a submitted person is a vulnerable person, and a

surrendered person. I've told you this before,

whenever we look at the Old Testament you see people come

into the presence of the king. Oh, King live forever.

What is that? That's language of submission,

that's language of honor and they say if it pleases the king,

not hey, we oughta, that's not the tone.

Why? Well, because that language

isn't submitted at all. If it pleases the king, I

considered something and I wanted to submit it to you.

I'm not a Mindless robot, who never speaks until spoken to.

I have thoughts, I have ideas. I'm here to serve in a Publish

the mission of the king. If it pleases the king, let a

law be written to do this. If it pleases the king, let us

do that. If it pleases the king, but it's

a total difference. Why?

Well, because it's actual submission, I've actually

yielded up the outcome to him. I have given up the outcome.

I haven't accomplished the outcome.

Hey, you know what we ought to do king, we ought to do this.

What do you think? What have I done?

I've tried to steer towards the outcome.

Why? Because I don't want the

vulnerability. Why?

Cuz I've decided that much that I want the outcome, I'm already

trying to steer him towards it. It's my clever.

Hey, hey, this would be a good idea.

Don't you agree, rather than If it pleases the king.

So what is this? Or why are we getting so

specific on the language? Will remember, I told you I'll

be specific but the heart is a submitted vulnerability.

The heart is I've yielded the outcome.

I am surrendered to the possibilities of what comes next

and that doesn't feel super awesome.

Well it feels like submission. That's what true submission

actually is rather than how can I steer this person against

their will. So this is showing the maximum

amount of respect and the maximum amount of Honor

possible, turn in your Bible to 1st Peter chapter 3.

We're not going to go to all the passages because there's three,

there's at least three others. I can think of where explicit

versus are given two wives to submit, why, why should this be

a priority for wives because it is an explicit command in the

New Testament. This isn't something that a wife

should, like, revisit every decade me.

Like, oh, yeah, that's a thing. This is like New Testament.

Like it's got its glowing red-hot.

It's this is a bull's eye target.

Just like it for husbands. What's the Bull's Eye Target?

As a husband, I think out of this, I think it's not a million

things that you got to think about brother.

It's love your wife, love your wife, that's it.

That's the white-hot center that we're to focus on.

Oh, why? If you don't have to wonder

what's a wife really supposed to do?

You know who could really know? It's pretty explicit.

Submit submit submit respect submit, huh?

I wonder what he means by that, huh.

Who could guess? First Peter, 3 1 through 6

likewise. So that likewise isn't

connection to something previously said, right?

So what was the thing that was previously said?

Well the thing that was previously said is Christ

submission to the will of God, so I don't want to submit to my

husband. Well then you're better than

Jesus, you're higher than him and somehow you outrank him.

He didn't he didn't think it was a bad thing.

But Jesus submits to the will of the father in verse 22, it says

he committed. No sin, neither was deceit.

Found in his mouth, I'm in Chapter 2, a jump back on you

when he was reviled. He did not revile in return when

he suffered, he did not threaten, but he continued

entrusting himself to the one who judges justly he himself

bore our sins on the tree that we might die to sin and live to

righteousness by his wounds. You have been healed for, you

were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the

Shepherd in the overseer of your souls.

Likewise wives. So the one who submitted himself

before the father, Likewise wives be subject to your own

husbands. Why would I do that?

So that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won

without a word by the conduct of their wives.

When they see your respectful. And pure conduct, do not let

your adorning be external, the braiding of hair, the putting on

of gold jewelry or the clothing you wear, but let your adorning

be the hidden person of the heart, with the imperishable,

beauty of a gentle and quiet Spirit.

Why would I want to do that? Which is Is very precious in

God's sight. This is precious to God.

Why? Because it reminds him of his

son. It shows him exactly what Jesus

did before him. What am I just supposed to have

a gentle and quiet Spirit exactly.

Now you've got it. That's exactly what the Bible

says, why? Because it's very precious in

God's sight. A wife, who wants to do things

that are very precious in the sight of God?

Well, we'll see. Will attempt to cultivate this

gentle and quiet spirit for this is how the holy women who hoped

in God used to Adorn themselves by submitting to their own

husband's, as Sara obeyed, Abraham calling him Lord, and

you are her children. If you do, what is good and do

not fear anything that is frightening, and of course,

that's the Temptation. That's the difficulty.

This is, this can be frightening.

And a loving husband wants to alleviate those fears.

What if he doesn't? Well, he can be won without a

word. So, we're not, we're not making

any either of these commands contingent upon the other.

It's not husbands love your wives.

If it's husbands, love your wives period.

It's not wives submit to your husband's.

If it's husbands, love your wives.

You know what I was doing? I don't know where I left.

I don't, you know, you know, the thing as was famously said, you

know, the thing. So, like I said, we're going to

get very specific, but this is the heart of submission, not

just the external act. Tell me what I have to do, and

I'll do the absolute minimums of it all.

Well, then you've missed the spirit of it all.

It's a gentle and quiet Spirit which is pleasing to the Lord.

And then that will find its way. Like I said, if a man When a Man

Loves a Woman, When a Man Loves a Woman, he will find all kinds

of Expressions. He'll figure it out when a wife

is actually submitted. All the details will get sorted

out because the heart of the thing is is accurate.

Heart of the thing is, right? And if she's imperfect in her

application, will praise God, she still submitted to her

husband to. Hey, say, hey, I didn't like the

way you did that and she doesn't then step into defense and go.

Well, I was trying to she can just deferring, okay?

How would you prefer me to do it?

And now we can still move forward with loving this with

gentleness. He's not harsh because he's

commanded not to be and and she's not controlling she

submitted. A gentle and quiet spirit is

very precious in the sight of God.

We are done with the first half page of our sermon, only eight

to go. Good news.

Now, I'm actually gonna be doing a lot of reading.

So, now, how how, how, how to submit to your husband?

How did you what? Exactly remember what is

submission, how to order yourself under your husband's

Authority, how to help your husband, how to build up your

household had a glorify God with your gentle and quiet Spirit.

First thing I recommend asked him what would be submissive to

him. What does he prefer this?

Kills two birds with one stone you can you see that?

Why? Because your being submissive by

asking right away and of course you're also finding out what he

considers submissive in respectful.

That feels a little bit. Submissive I know now we're

getting somewhere. As a husband, you might hear

this suggestion and think I don't even know.

If I'm comfortable with that, then I would say re-listen to

this entire series and continue continue to renew your mind with

the word of God so that you don't fall prey to the lie that

your Authority is given to you to stroke your ego.

That is not the mission that we're after here.

The mission that we're after is, the will of God being fulfilled

in a household in a marriage to glorify the Lord and to show the

world, what Christ in the church really looks like so I can get

my way get whatever I want. Brother, your Authority is

power. So technically it's a two-edged

sword, it cuts a bad way to you. Could empty the savings account

for a boat for a bass boat. You could you have the power to

do so but you also have a head and your power was not given to

fulfill your every desire. Your power was given to fulfill

the Lord's desires. Well who makes the final call?

Will you do you do you make those decisions by the loving?

Husband is cherishing and honoring and blessing his wife a

loving father is cherishing and honoring and blessing his

children so of course he's Laying down his life in that

process. It's a famous book called

Leaders, Eat Last. And in the book, they make the

argument, how the military leadership, I forget which

branch it was. Think happy thoughts?

Yeah, Marine Corps. You would know, wouldn't you?

So the, the leaders would eat last but the title of the book,

interestingly enough is not leaders, don't eat.

So husbands, you know, you're included in loving yourself.

Well and yet, we know that we're putting everybody else first to

accomplish the will of God. So this isn't about your ego.

So you don't have to shy away from this.

This is an in service to your pride.

This is beautiful to God. This is christ-like behavior for

your wife. It's a comfort to her and it

actually, Shoe to accomplish the purposes of God for your life

quite well. Go to Titus, Chapter 2.

Titus 2 · chapter mention

I'm going to keep going, I'm going to keep getting specific

Titus, Chapter 2, turn to your left if you were there and Peter

Titus 2 · chapter mention

Right after 2nd Timothy. Titus Chapter 2 verses 3 through

Titus 2:3–5

5 what are women supposed to do? According the new debt, New

Testament older women likewise, or to be reverent in Behavior,

not slanderers or slaves, too much wine.

They are to teach what is good and so, train, the younger

women. So what are older women supposed

to train younger women to do to love their husbands, and

children to be, self-controlled to be pure working at home, kind

and submissive to their own husbands.

So that the word of God may not be reviled.

And so, even a wife submission has impact on how people see and

recognize the word of God. And the beauty of the Kingdom.

This is, this is another priority that we were given in

Ephesians. We were shown that we're

supposed to show the world Christ in the church.

So there's a lot that can be accomplished here.

What else what else does it look like?

I'm going to keep going zoom zoom in on some details now how

how can I submit to my husband? You can help him in his mission

all the way back to the Garden. That was our first purpose.

We talked about what was a woman made for we couldn't we couldn't

and we wouldn't It to sidestep Eve was made for Adam.

A wife is made for her husband. So sub Mission sub like

submarine underneath submission under Mission.

I want to get under my husband's mission is with The Godly wife

would say this is the primary application of submission in

scripture, by the way. Getting under the mission of

your husband. This is the primary application

in scripture, the primary application of submission in

American Pope. It's is almost always the -

ladies. Here's how to act when you can't

get your way. But that's not the biblical

approach to submission. The biblical message of

submission is hey girls, sorry, but he gets to be the boss.

That's not what the scripture. Reveals, the scripture reveals

ladies. Hey, give yourself to your

husband's Mission and everybody wins live happily ever after.

That's the scriptural approach. The very modern in the past

hundred year. Message has been girls.

I got some bad news. I'm real.

Sorry, please don't shoot the messenger, he's in charge.

I know it stinks. That's not the message of

scripture. At all, the message of scripture

is glorify God as a wife. You glorify God as a husband,

we're not gender-neutral humans who are just figuring this thing

out. We have particular roles and it

means something and its glorious because God loves mountains.

And he loves valleys, he loves deserts and he loves oceans, and

he created masculine and feminine polarity and he called

it all good. It's not a result of the fall

headship and submission didn't come after the fall, Eve's

temptation to grass for control. All came as a result of the

Fall. Hey, you got a loving head who

named you and who blesses you and provides for you because you

disobeyed his word and you ate the fruit.

Now, you're going to have the temptation to rise up against

the loving headship that I placed over you.

That was the punishment to Eve. Ladies this is going to be a

fight continually for you. This is a challenge and flesh

that must be crucified much like a husband has to crucify his

harshness. Do not be harsh with your

wive's. The scripture tells us be

gentle, So nurturing nourishing caring for them even as you

would your own body. That's the Temptation.

Have I arrived? No, it's the journey that I will

continue to live into to humble myself before the Lord humble

yourself and submit under your husband's mission.

Submission is not only disagreement.

It is incorrectly taught that a husband's head ship is just the

tiebreaker vote for decisions. Because this forgets that a wife

is is is not her husband's competitor, but she is his

crown. According to the word of God.

She adds to him and she glorifies him.

She doesn't seek to compete with him.

No, King wants to fight battles against his crown.

So be his helper in his mission. What does that look like

practically? Well, you defer to his direction

for the big story of your lives. It's his plans are your plans,

his gifts are yours to support. His weaknesses, are yours to

assist but not to mother. What else would you do to help

him in his mission? Well again, according to Titus

as a keeper at home, you're making the home a beautiful Safe

Haven from the outside pressures of Life.

Are you a great cook? Then you use that talent to make

his favorite meals and snacks without him asking are you a

people person you could accompany him to social

Gatherings or host get-togethers of the people that he loves and

likes his friends. His family, his co-workers over

whatever your gifts are, there is a way to use those to magnify

your husband and to help him be. Or of what God has called him to

be and you get to constantly be the beneficiary of it all.

What else can I do to honor? My husband to submit to my

husband. You honor his word as final.

This means, the husband has Authority for decisions because

he Bears responsibility for the outcomes.

Why does he get to be in charge when anybody who asked that

question reveals? They don't know what being in

charge means and they're forgetting the leg of

responsibility. He Bears, the burden, let him,

let him feel the weight of his decisions.

Let him feel. The pressure.

Don't make him feel like he had to go to war with you for six

months on this decision. Until finally you go fine and

you wait for the thing to fail. Rather you go, may I share my

concerns, may, I share something, he goes, of course, I

love my wife. If I care for my wife, I want to

answer, whatever she may have, she's wise, she's Godly, she's

good. I want her perspective, what

kind of idiot Captain would you have to be to not want a great

brilliant? First officer, you have to be

quite prideful quite foolish, it happens, but the Lord doesn't

approve of it. So what else can I do?

Honor, his word is final. He Bears the responsibility for

for final outcomes. Let him feel that weight and be

at peace, knowing that God is still on his throne and you as a

wife. Always trust the Good Shepherd,

no matter what. So that comes to the children

that comes to everything when it's with the kids.

It's what did Dad say. You support and affirm his

decisions. You defer to him and you put

decisions on him. I'm supposed to put that weight

on him. It's already on him.

It's his responsibility. Ultimately.

So the more you defer to him the more he actually feels the

burden of command. Which Ladies, by the way, that's

what you want. You want your husband to feel

the burden of command. You want him to feel the weight

of what a dad saying he's like. I got to think about this, I've

got to do this. Yeah.

Well I wish my husband would get more involved.

Then stop being the husband stop being a husband and then there

it will it will create the vacuum.

Unfortunately he went first and he very likely created a vacuum

of leadership. I've been there ask me how I

know man that you seem like you're quite quite knowledgeable

on the subject. Yeah I was the master at doing

it all wrong. Thankfully, through repentance

and the word of God, we've seen a lot of growth but I first

created the vacuum of leadership and Natalie.

He goes oh no. Nobody's leading.

There's no head here. I guess I'll step in and then

I'm going. Why are you nagging me?

Why are you nagging me? She's a well, I guess somebody

had to be the man of the house, so she stepped into that role.

She was trying to be helpful but her fears were also part of that

motivator and then the friction begins.

And now we're at war with one another really?

Because the head wasn't just being the head that he was

supposed to be if he had led well.

She most likely would have found an easy place to come in there

and be submissive. But again, I don't want to.

I don't want to make the argument that we're making these

dependent upon one another. Although I do want to show you

the beauty of when these are both working together.

It is glorious. Glorious.

Can I do it on my own? You absolutely can and should

Good. And yet, when they're working

together, that's when we come to ecstatically, married, it is

beautiful. And it is good.

And all of God's ways are perfect.

So many wives have grown accustomed to making all

decisions. Then, after doing this for

years, they find they've exhausted themselves.

They have a passive husband that they're a little bit disgusted

by. And then they, what they should

do, is, they actually should make him feel the weight of his

words again, run with his plans and then execute on them, and

then he's gone. Whoa, she's like taking me

seriously. She's like doing what I say, he

begins to feel that weight again.

That's a healthy thing, that's a good thing.

And even if you start doing this and he goes, you're just doing

my pastor to Michael said he say, Sir, absolutely, I am this

isn't a trick. It's not a play.

It's not a game. It's not a way to manipulate,

it's a way to be obedient. So when family or friends are

making plans, you get used to saying, I'll ask my husband and

get back with you. Why?

Because the two have become one and you no longer defer to your

parents, you defer to your husband when he's made a

decision or given a direction. I'm glad my wife is cheering

this morning. When he's made a decision or

given a direction. From the little things to the

big things. Are the kids going to play

soccer? This spring?

Are we going to get that new vehicle this year?

You fully obey with real support and real help.

Not I'm so sick of this van. I'm so sick of this van.

I'm so sick of this van. He loves you, he wants to

provide nice things for you. Do not shame him.

Do not shame him. That is a cancer in his bones.

Don't do that. That's a cruelty to do to a

husband who wants to provide, who wants to lead.

Who wants to give you nice things but he's got to look at

the whole thing. Well, he ain't looking at the

whole thing. Well, continue to look in the

mirror sister at your submission, continue to look at

how you can support and bless and on.

Well he oughta, there's a million things he oughta and

there's a million things, she oughta, let's focus on the

things that are given to us directly.

So, I'll ask my husband is the language, you want to

continually use. In honoring his word, you should

also ask for his guidance, make him feel the weight again of his

leadership, by letting him use his gift.

He's good at solving problems, move forward with his counsel

and then come back and let him know the results.

Don't ask him for counsel and then rebel against it.

He's gone. Well, you asked for my input,

she's like, yeah, but you're wrong.

I don't think that's the right way.

Go go actually execute on the thing.

That he said, come back. Let him feel the weight of his

decision. What's another thing that we can

do as you as you seek to submit to your husband, ask for his

permission, Ask for his permission.

No way. I would only do that for my

boss. No way.

I'd only do that for a police officer.

No way. I'd only do that for the judge.

No way only do that for another a million other settings, a

million other men in life. But my husband, what do you

think I am? Don't you know, I'm a powerful

woman. Ask for his permission, why?

Because it is submissive communication, this is this one

of those details. Yeah, this is one of those

details again, that I'm just trying to help you embody the

heart of the thing. I'm giving you an example of

what would it look? I really want to embody it.

Well, then here's a sample way to embody it because it's

submission. It is submissive communication,

it's submitting on the front end and not just waiting for the

back end to submit. I'm not waiting for future

conflict and disagreement and go.

All right, I submit I don't know that you do.

But thanks. Feels awesome.

It's not the crown. So wives have been led to

believe that they were to make their point there to fight for

their truth and then only yield when their husband will not.

But this isn't biblical and this isn't christ-like submission.

This is just being defeated. This is being conquered.

It's just running into a wall and you go on.

I can't proceed any further. That's all that is.

That's not a deference. That's not a surrender.

That's a he's more stubborn than me.

He wins. That's what we've been taught

and we've been told Praise God. Sister.

Well done, you did it. You did it.

Well, pastors have congratulated you for that behavior, but the

heart of it wasn't, submissive the heart of it was, who made

the best idea. When well, the wise Captain

should certainly go with whatever is best and not what he

thought of. But again, that he has a head

for that as well. So, what does this look like to

ask his permission when making plans?

Hey so-and-so, is having a birthday party next Saturday.

Can we go or may I take the kids instead of saying, hey, we're

going to this birthday party next Saturday.

And he might be an autopilot. Be like, okay, he died a little

bit inside, as a husband, I can tell you every time, every time

she's ever told me, hey, we're doing this except a turd, a

something Amigos. And every husband's like hey

man, and we didn't know it, we didn't recognize it.

What was that? What was on that?

Both of us? I was my own passivity.

I'm just sitting there going, okay, didn't that kid of a

birthday last year? Like this kid has a birthday

every year. Don't you like kids?

Yeah, they're great. But like do I have to go to this

kid's birthday? Every time he has one but she's

going. Hey we're doing this.

Hey we're doing that. Hey we're doing this.

Hey we're doing that instead of hey we've been invited to this.

What do you think we should we do?

I feel respected now. I've been totally deferred to

she totally yielded the outcomes even though she's worried that

Becky's going to be offended. If we don't come, she's afraid

Welbeck. He's not gonna like this.

I know that but you're not living.

You didn't marry Becky. You married, your husband so

you'd have heard him. Hey, y'all come in Saturday.

I don't know. I'll talk to John Michael and

I'll get back with you announcer.

Michael can be the bad guy. Hey I can take it.

I can handle it. Let your husband be that be that

guy. You get to be relieved.

Hey, Becky. We're not going to be able to

make it or we're not coming. Hey, John.

Michael has other plans for us. What should I tell Becky?

Tell her John Michael has other plans.

What are our plans? It doesn't matter.

I might want us all to sit in the living room and just hang

out and look at each other and talk.

I don't owe the world, an explanation for what we're

doing. Well, I feel like Becky's gonna

want one. Well, I didn't marry Becky.

I'm not married to Becky and well, her husband does this and

that's between her Becky and her husband in the Lord, but you're

deferring to me, not Becky's, husband or Becky Don't be afraid

of anything. That's frightening, sisters,

these things are frightening. These things aren't are

difficult. Husbands, don't be harsh, it's

both and don't be afraid, sisters.

And husbands, don't be harsh, it's all together.

What if he was obey the word sister?

What if she won't obey the word brother?

Wives often get mad when their husbands wives often get mad at

their husbands when they tell them about plans and their

husband forgets. But it's not, submissive to tell

your husband about plans. And the reason he probably

forgot his because he didn't ever decide anything, it just

happened upon him, he's in the middle of doing something, he

said, hey, we're doing this thing and you probably did that

on purpose because you knew you could get a passive answer from

him because you're clever, but not submitted.

So you're going. Hey, we're doing this.

Insanity is on, okay? Like okay, I'm doing something

else. Why is play?

We saw our children. Do that against us?

Right? Hey, can I blame on you?

Oh yeah. And then later like yes.

You gave me your solemn vow. But that's not submissive.

It's a bit clever, but it's not good and it doesn't show a man

respect and it doesn't make a wife feel comforted, she just

constantly playing against him. That's not a crown.

As feels like somebody who's in the kingdom is working against

you rather than working with you and for you.

So it this stuff is difficult to catch for husbands by the way,

it requires a lot of effort for her husband to recognize and

correct, his behavior, and his wife, and no man wants to be in

conflict with his wife. No man wants to be in conflict

with his Down. So couples, usually start down

these paths, and stay in them for their entire marriage.

This is like standard operating procedure for almost all

marriages. So, if you're like, oh my

goodness. This is us.

Y'all. This is like everybody.

This is this unfortunately is like really common normal stuff.

How do we get out of it? Well, this is what we're hearing

using permissive language. Like, may I use may I and show

respect that feels like such a submissive thing to say because

you're actually clearly. Arranging yourself under him.

This is the language we use. Use with a boss.

Hey, we've got thoughts, we got ideas.

We got plans to bring help and still, we do it as a servant in

obedience to their boss. Or the scripture says a servant

to their Master. When I've had bosses, I was

acting with a power that they had delegated to me, I reported

directly to the CEO and and he had a lot of people and I had a

position of power and still within my role, I didn't come to

him and say everything that I was doing.

I would come to him and say, hey here's what I intend to do.

Here's what I'm Thinking if it pleases the boss, I'm looking at

this. I had I had ideas.

That's why he hired me. That's why he picked me.

That's why he liked me. He wanted what I had to offer

and yet he was still looking for me to honor his office and be

respectful and make sure I understood that we were

accomplishing the mission. I was still expected to do

everything even though I was still to be myself, I was doing

everything in service to my bosses mission.

May I is a way to show respect, and it's a way to show make a

suggestion because the argument that comes with submission,

sometimes, I guess I'll just shut shut up and sit there who

told you that I've never heard anybody say that to a Christian

woman and if they would, I would rebuke them for that sin.

So we can throw that nonsense out right away.

What am I supposed to do? How am I supposed to?

That's the right question. The question is with with

submitted language. Hey may I hey honey, what do you

think about a true true giving up of the outcome?

A true giving up of the outcome? If you feel as though you're

holding onto the outcome, to make it be accomplished, you

know, you haven't arrived at a submitted heart yet.

Whereas if you truly give up the outcome to someone else's,

Anne's you're free, you're free and now you know, you've

actually gotten their the language.

I'm giving you samples but you don't have to obey the samples,

you have to obey the word of God.

So don't so don't don't take any of these two some bizarre

extremes ago. He's on.

You got to say the spirit of the thing is the word of God.

Submission and respect and it's a beautiful and good thing.

So what's the wrong way? Don't you think we should paint

the living room? No, I don't.

Well, I do. This wall was dingy and I'm

tired of this color and and so begins.

Your long journey, your siege against the castle of your

husband's will for the coming months.

As you have set yourself up for frustration and potential,

nagging and disrespect as you attempt to wear him down and you

will wear him down and eventually that will the room

might get painted by a frustrated.

Man who feels emasculated and a wife who now egged him into it.

This is not beautiful. This is not good.

What am I supposed to do? Well, it's not submissive.

It's not respectful by because it doesn't come from a gentle

and quiet Spirit. Why?

Because it is directive in its nature.

Don't you think we should do this?

If he thought it, he would have done it.

If he thought it, he would have made plans for it.

If he, if he was prioritizing it, it would have already

happened. It's a directive.

If you are a lawyer in court, they would say you are leading

the witness, you're trying to get them to say the thing.

You want them to say rather than the truth, the whole truth and

nothing but the truth. You want to steer The Narrative,

you want to direct it. It's not a submitted.

It Of submitted thing. And that's exactly what you're

trying to do. Your husband.

You're trying to lead him. You don't know if he'll do what

you want, so rather than surrender the outcome to his.

Will you set yourself up in a position to liberally from the

first moment to lead and then Direct in case he doesn't see

things your way? And many wives again have this

hat, have this as a deeply ingrained habit.

So instead what's the sample? What's an example, you could

respectfully say that wall has gotten really dingy.

I've cleaned it as much as I can, but I can't get it any

better than it is. Now I'd love to make this room.

Devil with a color I found called ladies.

Give me some weird color. Recycled glass.

Look, it's an agreeable beige. I'd love to repaint this one.

And then, to finish it with, what do you think we should do?

I want the room repainted and you're allowed to want the room

repainted, and you can even bring that to your husband with

deference? Yes.

Hey, I've cleaned this wall but it's, I can't get it any better.

I'd love to beautify this room. I love this color.

What do you think we should do? And now he actually can, now he

has an option, he has the choice, the opportunity to ask.

You actually give you a gift rather than having you extract

something from him. Paint this room for me.

Yes, ma'am. He didn't get to give anything

you robbed him of an opportunity to give you something.

Honey. I would love this.

What do you think? We can't do that right now

because of the budget or because of this or because of that or

it's not a Time priority or you know what?

Yeah, let's do that baby. Go pick out the pink color.

Now he gets to give his wife a gift which as a provider he

loves to do, he wants to do, don't Rob him of opportunities

to give to you well, but what, if he doesn't welcome to

submission, welcome to the point again of he might not, you don't

get to control. This isn't a clever trick to

extract everything you want out of him.

It's actual Admission. Not just not just putting on a

facade. Okay.

This is not a way to manipulate your husband, it's actual

humility. So if that is your reaction but

what if he won't do it, then you need to recognize that that is a

lack of submission and your goal should be to Crown your husband

not to handcuff him to the will of his helper.

I thought I was going to get a team in there when I wrote it.

When I wrote that in the notes, I thought the ladies from like

ooh That helps but it also hurts a little bit feels like being

crucified on a cross almost. So what else does that look like

when wanting to make a purchase instead of overspending and

hoping he won't notice you just ask his permission.

What if he won't? Let me see where we're going

there. Yeah, that's the thing you were

trying to avoid but that's the very thing that was needed.

One approach is respectful and considerate, the other is

dismissive. Oh, he won't care.

Well maybe that's true but you're looking to honor his

leadership now and not sidestepping.

What else can I do to honor my and be respectful again.

Ask him. It would be a good thing for a

husband, asked his wife, how can I love you better?

That's a good question to ask your wife, it's a good question

for a wife to ask her husband. How can I respect you more?

How can I respect my husband more.

Another thing you can do, don't make accusations judgments or

demands. Instead share your emotions

respectfully and share them vulnerably so I'm sick of your

tools lying around you're worse than a child.

All the husband's blood pressure, just went up.

I'm sick of your tools lying around your worse than child

clean this up. Well, that's horrible.

Nagging and disrespect. What's a little bit better?

Could you please pick your tools up?

That's better, but it's still creating the outcome that you're

wanting to happen. What would be even better?

I feel stressed by all the tools lying around.

I'm concerned, the kids are going to get hurt and this room

just doesn't look pretty anymore.

I'm surrendered it. What if he doesn't?

He's not your baby. You, you're not as Mom.

He might not. I don't like that.

I know. But, but that's what it looks

like. One of the one of these

statements is more submitted than the other verses.

Could you, please do this. And he's like, well, I could,

but I'm not now I'm frustrated with him.

But hey, here's what I'm feeling as a wife.

And now, your loving husband and going and now I get to solve

that I love when Natalie shares with me her feelings, her actual

emotions. Not, I feel like you're a jerk,

that's not a feeling that's a judgment.

That's hidden that she used the word, I feel, but it's not a

feeling. I want her actual emotions.

I'm overwhelmed, I'm worried. This thing I'm like don't do

done. Tell me what's bothering you.

And now I get to be the hero that I really want to be for my

wife. I get to come through with the

outcomes and with the solutions versus she's like dictating to

me and going, oh, this feels miserable.

I don't like this. That's the fragile.

Male ego spoken like a woman rather than a man who has built

to lead and love. Well, that's what I want to do.

That's what your husband wants to do, so be respectful.

Could you please put your socks in the hamper?

It's not a terrible question. But you could say, well I asked

him nicely but did you really submit?

Well, I want to make sure it gets done but you don't have

authority to see if it gets done.

So instead you can say these socks and the floor are really

gross to me. He's going to do with it.

What he's going to do with it and a loving husband is going to

care about those things, but he doesn't want to be mothered.

Well, I wish it wasn't that way. I'm not telling you about how

it, how you wish it was. I'm telling you about how it

actually is and how it's going to register in your marriage.

Well, this to me, it just feels so submitted, right?

Submitted is the word you're looking for and it's very

precious in the sight of God, because these are examples of

actual true surrender in a situation and not you

accomplishing an outcome through this guy that you married.

Just like the sun who prayed. Father, not my will, but yours

be done. This is beautiful and precious

in the sight of God. I'm closing now.

Submission is not about the perfect words so if you got hung

up on any of the examples, get it unhung, buy them and throw

them away. Okay, you're free of any precise

example. Be like, I don't know, I don't

know, I don't know, stick with the word of God, there's plenty

there but the question Still Remains.

What would an embodied submission really look like?

What does a heartfelt surrender, really feel like when you're,

when you're communicating with your husband, submission is not

about the perfect words but about a gentle and quiet Spirit.

Yes, The Overflow of the heart causes the mouth to speak so

you'll know your submitted when you actually feel vulnerable and

surrendered, when you're speaking to your husband, your

language might pass the sniff test but if you don't actually

feel that you're not in control of the outcome, then you know

that you're not submitted. Philippians 2 verses 4 through

Philippians 2:4–7

7. Why do I have to be submitted?

Because you get to be like Christ, this is a good thing,

husbands get to be like Christ and that they lay down their

lives wives, get to be like Christ and that they submit like

Christ. Did to the father have this

attitude in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus.

Who, although he existed in the form of God did not regard

equality with God. Something to be grasped, but

emptied himself taking the form of a bondservant and being made

in the likeness. Of men.

Wives would if your husband submitted to Jesus the same way

that you submit to your husband. Would that be good?

Well, that would that be awesome for you?

You got, yes, then praise God, sister, keep it up, that's

beautiful. What if, what if your husband is

already submitting to Jesus and the way that you're submitting

to your husband? What if your children submitted

to you in the same way that you submit to your husband?

Maybe they are. Well, the kids, I wish where

they learn it, or they learn that trick, where they learn

that tactic. Well, they say the right things,

but their attitude. Yeah, maybe they'll learn that

somewhere submission is not a final destination that you're

going to arrive at. It is a journey that you're on

and you will continue to get better as you practice it, more

and more to look more and more like Jesus.

And of course, like I said, at the beginning, although In

context, we're doing a series on marriage.

So this was a sermon for wives submission applies to every

single person. Everybody is under Authority.

Every man, every woman, every child is under Authority.

And again that's good news because we have a good God.

So as we have our good God, that we can submit to, we can defer

to, we can trust, ladies, you can, you don't have to fear

anything. That's frightening, you can

still in trust yourself into a good God.

And for the exceptions of abuse and wickedness and neglect, what

are you have? Ladies, will you have a church

for that? There is church discipline that

exist for this very purpose. There's a pastor who will

involve himself in scenarios to bless and see to it that the

will of God is fulfilled. So you're not alone and we're

not excused. Nonsense.

I'm putting this out here for y'all.

I know you all know this, and you've heard me say similar

things, but we're also online on the podcast.

I don't know how many people are listening to this.

So I've got to add this disclaimer here at the end, but

there is a path forward, everyone is under Authority.

If you call me your pastor and I'm going to be your pastor, not

just your Preacher Man, who gives you sermons and that will

involve those kinds of scenarios.

But Ultimately, we are trusting the Lord, we're moving forward

in his grace and we recognize, this is going to be a blessing

to our lives. You've got nothing but good news

today, men, women and children in in that we get to love and

Obey Jesus by acting just like Jesus.

Heavenly Father, we thank you for your perfect word and your

perfect will God. We ask that you would bring your

Clarity your direction and your Revelation to our actions.

I pray for the wives of salt church that you would show them

exactly what it looks. Like according to your word and

your will that they would live a humble life that they would live

quiet and peaceful lives that they would be submitted to their

husbands and respectful to their husbands, so that the word of

God will not be revealed. But that husbands would Thrive

that wives with Thrive that children's that children would

Thrive and that households would be blessed than marriages would

be ecstatic. That your church would be strong

God make this a church of strong marriages.

We don't want the status quo, we don't want average, we don't

want normal. We reject the things that we've

learned in the past and we fully adopt and submit to your word,

show us what it looks like to live it out to obey it and to

apply it. We love you.

We thank you for your teaching and for your instruction and for

your help. We can't do anything apart from

you. So we trust you for the power to

walk it out in obedience in Jesus name.

Amen.