Wounded Pt. 8

This is Ronald Hopkins, and thank you for joining the Life Center Church.

Alright, you are ready this morning.

Yes.

Now, over the last eight weeks, we've been menacing on the subject of wounded.

Now, let me just ask you all really quickly before we get going, how many of you all this series has really ministered to you?

So, what we're gonna ask you all to do at the end of service, they'll probably put this up.

We're gonna ask for some testimonies.

Uh, because from what I've been hearing, God has been doing a lot of stuff in your life.

And so, in a couple of weeks, um, we're gonna give you all the opportunity to talk about what God has done for you and through you during this entire series.

So, at the end of service, we'll put that email address up and you can go ahead and send those testimonies in.

That why that way I can see them ahead of time.

No squirrely stuff happening.

Yeah, you give folks a mic, and sometimes amen.

So this is part eight, and today specifically, uh, we're gonna talk about the husband room.

The husband room.

It'll be an eye-opening experience for husbands and men, but it will also be an eye-opening experience for the ladies.

This will help you decide whether or not you should say yes.

And that's I don't care if you spend money on a on a whatever.

You can spend all the money you want to and then say I do and be living in hell.

This is 20 plus years in ministry, and I can tell you folks are living in hell simply because of they made an emotional decision without having some fruit.

You better make sure that he got some fruit in his life.

Not money in the bank, some some spiritual fruit.

I don't care how long you've been with him, that means absolutely nothing.

Because once you say I do, that's covenant.

You locked in.

You can pray all you want to?

I'm trying to tell you, folks, that many people are making emotional decisions and they're living in hell.

This will save your life.

This will also grow men up today.

Psalm 147.

Yeah, I'm going there today.

Psalm 147, stanza number three, says, He healeth the broken in heart, and he bindeth up their wounds.

Psalm number 109, stanza number 22 says, For I am poor and needy, and my heart is wounded within me.

So again, this definition for the word wound means an injury to the heart.

So it means your heart has been hurt.

Or your soul, your mind, your will, and your emotions have been damaged, caused by painful experiences that damage your identification, your emotions, your beliefs, or your relationships.

Now, the husband room is quite different than any other of the rooms that we've talked about.

Because the husband room is only for married men.

It's quite different than the mail room.

It's for married men only.

It's almost like this is an exclusive club.

Membership does have privileges.

What kind of husband room are you leading from?

Because it's gonna make a difference, your ability to lead, because your ability to lead will determine where you take your family based off of your leadership.

So every husband leaves from somewhere.

Number one, he will lead from what he believes.

That's why it's important for you to understand what he believes.

Because every person that says they're born again may not believe what you believe.

You want to make sure that he believes and giving tithes and offering.

Because if he doesn't believe that and you get into covenant with him or you marry him and he's not giving, then there's a problem.

He'll lead from what he has experienced.

He will also lead from what wounded him.

Many men are leading or not even leading because they've been wounded, and that's a problem.

Because they've been wounded, they don't know how to lead.

And so they're leading without leading.

Or he will lead from what God has healed him from.

So the health of your marriage, men and women, is determined by the health of the husband.

So if the husband is not healthy, then more than likely the marriage isn't healthy.

And if the marriage isn't healthy, more than likely, then the family isn't healthy.

So the husband's ability to lead and who he follows has a lot to deal with where the family goes.

So let's start here.

The husband room.

I need you to listen to this definition.

It's a place in a man's heart where his understanding of covenant.

So if a man doesn't understand the covenant that he's supposed to have with him and God, more than likely he will not understand the covenant between him and his spouse.

Because if he doesn't have a relationship with God and he's not listening to God, and he's not following God, believe it or not, you don't stand a chance.

Because if he's not listening to his head, he's going to leave based off of his feelings, and men do have feelings, or their past, or their emotions, or from their womb.

Before you talk about you about to marry somebody, you better find out.

Does he have a relationship with God?

Is he in the book?

Because if he's not, he's gonna get you, and that's it.

The place in a man's heart where his understanding of covenant, his understanding of leadership.

A man must understand how to lead.

And a good leader is a follower.

So if he hasn't learned how to follow the Lord, he can't lead you.

His understanding of protection.

He's got to understand what it means to protect his spouse, protect his children, protect his assignment, protect his territory.

If he doesn't understand this, ladies, you're in trouble.

A man's understanding of sacrifice.

If he has not been able to sacrifice while you're dating, you're wasting your time.

His understanding of responsibility.

He has a God-given responsibility.

His understanding of intimacy.

I didn't say sex.

He understands that.

He doesn't understand intimacy.

Conversation.

Being soft to his spouse.

Touching, not for the purpose of sex, but just touching because that's her need.

If he doesn't understand that, then your need won't be met.

Then you're going to be frustrated.

Frustrated.

He must understand trust.

He must understand that.

So if he has trust issues prior to that, you're in trouble.

These things are formed and expressed within a marriage.

So if he doesn't understand this ahead of time, that's why you should never be in a rush.

So a husband room is a place where the man knows how to love.

He knows how to serve.

Serve.

Protect.

Honor.

Pray.

If he doesn't have a prayer life, run fast.

You better spend some time asking him.

Let's pray.

You lead us in prayer.

You better check him out.

See, remember, Adam failed to obey what God said.

And sin came into the world because of his neglect.

All hell will break loose in your household if your husband doesn't know how to pray.

Yes, you can pray, absolutely.

But what I have found of 27 years in marriage, she doesn't want to leave.

Most women, if they don't have a Jezebel spirit, don't want to leave.

Because that's contrary to the Bible.

Women are leading the households, and your household is out of order.

It's dysfunctional.

And I can tell you the reason why you didn't take the time to make sure that he has some fruit in his life.

So a husband should be able to sacrifice.

And a husband should know his wife.

And then the husband should be able to communicate, not yell.

Not raise his voice.

Communicate.

Because that husband is supposed to be a reflection of Christ to his spouse and to his children.

Okay, so let's go to, let's start here in Ephesians chapter 5.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

Let's look at God's design.

God's design.

Ephesians chapter 5, verse number 25, it says, husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church.

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

And he gave himself for it.

So the husband has the responsibility of being the spiritual leader.

The husband should be the one who brings his family to church.

Not you waking everybody up.

It's the husband's responsibility.

It is the husband's responsibility to spend time in the Word with the children.

It is the husband's responsibility.

So if he doesn't have a daily devotion time right now while you are courting or while you are dating him, you are setting yourself up for failure.

He has a responsibility to be the protector, to be the provider, and to be a servant.

Let me give you one more.

1 Peter chapter 3, verse number 7.

1 Peter 3 · chapter mention

Likewise, you husbands, notice this word, dwell, dwell, dwell with them.

How?

According to knowledge.

You cannot lead your wife if you don't know her.

Too many men are trying to lead without knowing how their spouses are wired.

It is difficult to take her where you believe the Spirit of God is leading the family, number one, if you don't know.

Then, secondarily, if you don't know how she's wired, it's going to be challenging for you to even communicate with her effectively.

So a husband has a responsibility to die to himself so that he can know his wife.

Notice it says, as being heirs together of the grace of life, watch what happens when you don't take the time to know your wife, honor your wife.

The Bible says that your prayers will be hindered.

You're praying and it's not working.

You know why?

There's no honor and respect in your household.

You're not talking the way to your spouse in a way that ministers to her.

So God is not ministering to you.

Until you get that right, that won't be right.

Because what he's done, he's trusted you with his daughter.

And how dare you disrespect God's daughter?

Who gives you the right to do so?

So here's the enemy's strategy.

Satan understands that if he can wound the husband, he can divide the marriage.

If he divides the marriage, he can destabilize the family.

And when the family is destabilized, generations are affected.

Your children are affected.

Their children are affected.

It now becomes a generational curse, all because the husband didn't get it right.

That's why the enemy is always fighting against men.

When a man does a man doesn't understand who he is.

A man doesn't understand his God-given responsibility.

When a man is lazy, when he's taking shortcuts, when he's not sacrificing, he's not fully understanding what God has assigned him to do.

Then when that happens, the enemy comes right on in, steal, kill, and destroy.

And you not even realize it.

So you're living without actually living.

Now we're going to look at a biblical character this morning, and it's very interesting that all of the stuff that I just talked about, this man, you can see and you will see traits of this.

Go to 1 Samuel chapter 25.

1 Samuel 25 · chapter mention

It's important who you marry.

You're welcome.

Listen.

I would take the time to evaluate what I'm about to do first.

Because you don't understand either what God has for you or what does the enemy have for you.

It's important who you get in, listen, a covenant with.

Now, let me give you the backdrop of this story because we looked at King David.

We look at Absalom, and at this time, David has not yet become king.

King Saul is still after David.

And so David and his 600 men, I want you to picture that.

600 men, you're now living in the wilderness because you are in fear for your life, because the king is chasing you.

So David and 600 men are living in the wilderness, just trying to survive.

And so at this point, David and his men come across a man by the name of Nabal.

And Nabal has a lot of money.

So David decides, you know what?

Let me protect this man.

Let me make sure that robbers don't come and steal anything from him.

The Bible says that David and his men put a wall of protection around him, his family, and his things.

And he did it for free.

He didn't want anything because you got to remember, David's nature and David's call, he's a protector.

So he's naturally doing what God called him to do.

That's why, again, it's important that you understand who you are and you understand who you get in covenant with.

Because who you get in covenant with, if they don't understand you, they could use you.

Now, point number one today.

Whatever shapes your heart will shape your home.

So whatever is shaping your heart, whatever is molding what's happening in your heart, is going to mold and shape whatever is going to happen in your Home life.

Now, verse number two says, And there was a man in manna whose possessions were in Carmel, and the man was very great, and he had three thousand sheep and thousands of goats.

And the name of the man was Nabal, and his wife, which was a wise woman, was Abigail.

I want you to notice what the Bible does right off the bat.

It describes his character.

He was curlish.

And the Bible says he was evil in his doings.

His character.

This word curlish means harsh.

So she knowingly married a harsh man.

She chose this.

Wait a second.

Wait, not poor thing.

This is the part where we have to be honest.

You chose that.

This is what you chose.

This should be eye-opening.

He that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing.

You said yes.

You didn't have to say yes to this.

But you said yes.

So know what you get in yourself involved with.

It says that he was stubborn.

So she married a harsh man, somebody who was stubborn.

She already knew that he was hard-headed.

He would listen.

Another definition says he was difficult.

So she married somebody who was harsh, somebody who was stubborn, somebody who was difficult.

That's a lot going on.

And this last one, he was insensitive.

See, everything has to do with a person's character.

A tree is known by the fruit that it produces.

If he's negative when you are dating, he can put on an act for you temporarily.

But who he is is going to come out when he got what he wants.

Your conduct introduces people to your character.

And who you will become will determine what you do.

Pleasure doesn't create character.

Pressure reveals the real you.

Now, I'm going to reiterate this because every womb creates a vulnerable place in a person's heart.

So you become vulnerable based upon the womb.

Now, what's the womb?

When a husband's heart becomes less responsive to God and less compassionate toward the people whom God has entrusted to him.

He doesn't stop providing, but he stops connecting.

I mean, let that sit in for a minute because men will provide.

They just don't connect.

He doesn't listen.

He's not pursuing God.

You don't see him in the word.

You don't see him coming to church.

He takes time off.

I'm busy.

Notice if he isn't chasing God, he'll slowly drift away from the people that God has entrusted to him.

So a great indication of whether or not your husband, your father, your uncle is walking away from people is because he first walked away from God.

Can I say something right here?

Yeah.

This is for the single ladies that are in the house because oftentimes, especially with what pastor's talking about, we think like, oh, well, he he prayed one time, so he has potential.

He got potential.

But Pastor has said this no less than three times.

And actually, what he's saying is Matthew 7.20, which says, you shall know them by their fruit.

Not know them by their promises.

Not know them by their potential.

Not know them by the virgin that you keep hoping will show up, but never does.

It says you know them by their fruits.

Ladies, you were not created to be his rehabilitation center.

That's right.

You're looking for behavior, not potential.

That's what a single ladies in the house.

Thank you.

So then an unhealthy heart will produce unhealthy thinking.

And unhealthy thinking will produce unhealthy conversation.

An unhealthy conversation will produce unhealthy behavior.

So if you listen to the words that he's saying, you listen to the actions that he demonstrates, you look at what his mind is thinking about all of the time, you can trace it all the way back to his heart has been wounded and he's unhealthy.

This will free you up today.

This will help the single ladies.

This will help the married ladies because now you will be able to identify how to pray for him.

And this will help the man of God when he receives it, how to get his life right and stay right.

Point number two, it's not all about you either.

It's not about you.

So here is the lie.

Everything that he has, all of the money, all of the possessions belong to him.

Now go back to 1 Samuel 25 and let me show this to you.

Because what you will see, what happened, was that there was something that was called a festival during that time.

And it was a time of celebration, it was a time of generosity.

And remember what David was doing.

He was protecting this man and his family for free.

So David said, This is a time in which we all celebrate.

I'm going to send ten of my men to speak on my behalf.

I'm going to send them to ask whatever is in your heart, just give us a little bit.

We didn't ask you for anything, nothing has been stolen.

We are men of integrity.

I'm asking from my heart to your heart, just give me whatever is in your heart to give.

Watch verse number 10.

Watch his response.

Watch his response.

Who is this fellow David?

He sneered at the young man.

Who does this son of Jesse think he is?

There are lots of servants these days who run away from their masters.

So he's talking about something he doesn't even know.

The reason why David was running away because Saul was trying to kill him.

But he assumed that he knew why David was running away.

Should I take my, my, my bread, my water, and my meat?

He said that three times.

That I've slaughtered from my shears and give it to a notice what he called them.

You band of outlaws.

I don't know where you came from, but this band of outlaws has been protecting you and your family and all your stuff.

Whenever my becomes greater than ours, your marriage is starting to fall apart.

He got to the place where all he considered was him.

It was no longer about anybody else but him.

The enemy doesn't not only provide you with a lie, he gives you the truth that's incomplete.

Half truths are still lies.

Half truths are still deceptions.

Let me show you this.

Go to First Timothy chapter five.

First Timothy chapter five.

Let me show you how this works.

Because whole truths are still deceptions.

First Timothy chapter five, verse number eight.

But those who won't care for their relatives, especially in those who are in their own household, have denied the truth faith.

The Bible says, turn away from these kind of individuals.

Paying bills doesn't make you responsible.

Because you can pay the bills, but you may not have a relationship.

Don't reduce your manhood to doing things you should be doing.

You should pay the bills.

You should take out the trash.

Okay.

Those are things you should be doing.

But there are other things that you should be doing as well.

You should not neglect the emotional need of your spouse.

Being a man is not one-dimensional.

Yeah, I got my shield up today.

Don't reduce your manhood to the possessions you have.

Your possessions will fade away.

What type of legacy are you leaving to your spouse and to your children?

One day your car is gonna rust.

And money doesn't make you happy.

Because I have seen some wealthy people who are ill and can't even enjoy the money.

I have seen wealthy people with money, but they're in hell at home.

Your family is not right.

So don't confuse because you have stuff, it makes you a man.

Not at all.

Point number three: agreement changes what you see.

Your agreement will change what you see.

What you agree with changes your perspective.

Because your perspective will become your reality based off of what you've been looking at.

So what was his agreement?

Go to 1 Samuel chapter 25, verse number 15.

1 Samuel 25 · chapter mention

Verse number 17 says, He is such a son of Belial that a man cannot speak to him.

No one could speak to him.

No one could get a word in.

He didn't listen to anybody.

This is what happened when you agree with lies.

You know everything.

You think you know everything.

And the spirit of pride, which is the spirit of Lucifer, is actually in control of your life.

So when you agree with the lie, no matter what that lie is, two things happen.

It doesn't change, doesn't just change what you believe, it changes what you hear.

The Bible says that there are many voices that are in the earth.

And everybody is looking for you to listen to what they're saying.

No, whether or not you depend upon or you get into agreement with the lie will determine where you go in life.

Whatever you refuse to hear will eventually begin to control you.

Instead of receiving instructions, you begin to begin, you begin to begin to be defensive.

Because of the lie that you heard that you agree with, and when somebody's giving you instructions, instead of you listening, you're on the defense.

But you can't even hear it.

You agree with something that probably wasn't true.

And now when somebody's trying to talk to you, you got this wall up.

Okay, let me give you a scripture on that.

Go to Proverbs chapter 15.

Proverbs 15 · chapter mention

In fact, when the lie, it's a lie.

When the lie takes root in your heart, you can't even hear the truth.

Because that lie, it's already in your heart.

And because when the truth is coming, because you got an agreement with the lie, when the truth comes your way, you're like, what are you talking about?

You're dismissing the truth because your heart, that's why whoever gets to your heart will guide your life.

Proverbs 15 31 says, if you listen to constructive criticism, nobody wants to be criticized because everybody thinks that they're right.

You don't want anybody to call you out.

When you listen to constructive criticism, you will be at home among the wise.

If you reject discipline, you will only harm yourself.

If you listen to correction, watch this.

You will grow.

You will grow in your understanding.

God values correction because correction gives you understanding.

And understanding will help you see beyond your feelings.

Understanding will help you see things happen before they happen.

It's your understanding of listening to God or listening to other individuals who you know have heard from God that will tell you the wisdom of God so that you don't run into a brick wall.

Nabal couldn't see where his words were leading him.

You gotta remember now, this is the same King David.

This is the same one who God called to rule the nation of Israel.

This is the same one as a child ran up to Goliath and cut his head off.

This is the same David who slewed 10,000 people.

So he done understand who he was talking to So you gotta understand when he's coming at David, he's like, man, who are you?

He didn't understand the power of his words.

What he didn't understand because he was foolish, the words that came out of his mouth, what happened was those servants went back and they told David.

And David said, Okay.

Because he talked to me like this, his life is over, and all his family.

He didn't understand his words.

He didn't understand his words.

He didn't understand his words.

He didn't recognize that the words that came out of his mouth will set up the destruction of his entire generational family.

When you go back and you re read this, David, him and his men, 400, think about this 400 men come to your door today, and they're ready to take you out.

All because you've been running your mouth.

You've been talking.

Somebody say, but his wife.

See, agreement with lies will change your perception of things.

Some of you have been seeing the wrong things because of what you have been in agreement with.

And it's not what you think it is.

It's what you agree with.

You agree with the lie, so now you actually can't see.

And that's true because what are you believing?

It's all going to boil back to your belief system.

And whatever you believe is going to become a reality in your life.

If you believe that God can increase your life, then you can experience increase.

If you believe that God won't come through for you, then the reality is God won't come through for you.

If you believe that you are alone, then your reality is you're going to act like you're alone.

Your perception, I'm the only person that's dealing with this alone.

That's what you believe, so that becomes your reality.

So what happens?

Your reality is you isolate.

You separate.

And then he's gonna dog you.

Why?

Because that was your reality.

That's what you believe.

So you settle.

It's important how you see your spouse.

Because however you believe, that's how you're going to treat them.

It's important what you believe about your children.

Because whatever you believe, that is how you're going to treat them.

When your heart is unhealthy, you misinterpret healthy voices.

Gonna go back to agreement with the lie makes accountability feel like control.

It is important that men are accountable.

Okay, let me take a drink on this one.

Let me read this to you.

If hearing the truth becomes offensive to you, then you've allowed deception to become comfortable.

Men who refuse to be accountable to others soon become accountable to themselves.

A lot of men who are not accountable to anybody, and they're long rangers.

It's not a good thing.

By yourself.

It is the same trick that he used right here.

Because it's all about you.

Nobody can tell you anything because it's all about you.

Every man or every husband should ask himself these four questions.

Number one, who has permission to correct me?

If nobody's correcting you, that's a problem.

Number two, who can challenge your decisions?

The decisions that you're making, who's challenging that?

Number three, who knows what you struggle with?

Because you're hiding.

But nobody knows it.

And then it comes out to your children, and it comes out to your spouse.

And then number four, who can tell you you're wrong without you getting defensive?

See, if it if I'm trying to tell you, if a man cannot answer no to these, he's on dangerous ground.

Because this is a strategy of the enemy to number one, isolate you, deceive you, and then destroy you.

Isolate, deceive, and destroy.

Because you now become unreachable.

And if you're unreachable, you're untouchable.

And if you're untouchable, you're unteachable.

So then who are you listening to?

You.

Point number four.

Fruit never lies.

So his behavior, when you go back and you read it, verse 14 and 16, his behavior was he was selfish.

He expected appreciation, but he didn't give it back.

You're supposed to do this for me.

No, you're selfish.

You should say thank you.

You should appreciate your spouse for giving you gifts, remembering your birthday when you don't remember hers.

Selfish.

Selfish people also take other people for granted.

Uncover the wounds, Lord.

A thankful heart notices what others do, yet a selfish heart notices what others fail to do.

Number two, his lack of spiritual discernment, and we're going to come bring this to a close.

His lack of spiritual discernment.

Discernment is God-given ability, God-given ability.

It's a God-given ability.

So God gives everyone the ability to spiritually discern things, to see a situation accurately, and then respond according to his leading.

So he gives everybody the ability, the God-given ability to see things the way he would see them, and then to respond the way he would respond.

The issue comes in of lack of discernment, is what you've been in agreement with.

So based upon whether or not you are in agreement with God, will determine whether or not you can hear clearly from Him and not your emotions.

And you have not operated in spiritual discernment because you're not seeing things the way God will see them, and you're not responding the way God would respond.

So you end up in situations where God didn't put you in.

You put yourself in there because you got in agreement with something that didn't line up with God, and then you wanted God to bail you out.

That requires repenting.

Spiritual discernment is seeing the obvious.

You mean you can't see that?

You can't see this, you can't see that.

No, because you got an agreement with something else.

And that agreement is blocking your vision.

He misjudged the very man that God sent to protect him.

You can misjudge your spouse.

She's actually only there to help you out.

To help you do what God told you to do.

But the problem is you don't know.

So how can she help you when you don't know?

And you're doing all this kind of stuff thinking that this is gonna work, and you're taking her through all this stuff where you haven't spent enough time to find out, Lord, what am I supposed to do?

How am I supposed to do it?

When am I supposed to do it?

And when I know this, then I can properly communicate this, and she will automatically, as the Bible says, line up.

Last thing, he endangered his family.

Leadership has consequences.

Whether you lead the right way or you lead the wrong way.

Every decision that you make today will affect your tomorrow.

The decisions that you make right now will affect your tomorrow.

So think about that decision because it is going to have an effect even before tomorrow shows up.

Think about that decision.

Pray about that decision, have some word to anchor your emotions before you make this decision because this decision that you are getting ready to make, it can even open up doors or shut the doors.

It can put you in a position to receive or not receive, it can put you in a position to have or not have.

Based upon your decisions that you make.

Leadership has consequences.

And he didn't understand that what he was doing was about to change the destiny of his family.

One decision can change your life.

A husband's greatest legacy isn't what he leaves for his family, it's what he leaves in them.

What are you putting in them?

Because if you're putting the right thing in them, it will last beyond you.

You all stand on your feet.

Before we do this renouncing today, some may have to repent from making decisions that were out of the will.

There is the will of God, and because there's the will of God, there is his way.

When you make decisions outside of his will, then you've made decisions what you will.

And one thing about God is that he will never reject your will to do anything that goes outside of what he wants.

Remember Jesus in the Garden of Gethsemane.

He said, Father, not my will, but let your will be done.

So you can make decisions based on what you want.

But you gotta understand if it's what you want, you're gonna get what you want.

Remember they wanted a king, they got a king, alright.

And that king came through and put them in slavery because it was what they wanted.

It wasn't in line with the will.

So we can make decisions all we want to.

That may not be the will of God.

But understand that if you made that decision, you got what you wanted.

That requires repenting.

Just asking the Lord, Lord, forgive me for being stupid.

Let's just call it what it is.

It ain't nothing spiritual.

You made a stupid decision because of something that you wanted.

You thought you wanted.

And now that you got it, you like, oh Lord.

It requires repenting.

So every head bow and every eyes closed in prayer.

This is really between you and God.