Jammie Leigh Marcantel Testimony

Do you know the Bible is God's Holy Word? Do you know it is

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subscribe and support this podcast. So we are Maranatha Ministries and now Redemption draweth

Nige. Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, Welcome to Maranatha Ministries. I am

your host, Matthew Miller. We're here with a good friend of mine on

Facebook, Jamie, and we're going to get started. She's going to testify.

But before we get into that, we're going to start like we should.

We're going to start out with prayer. So let us pray our Father

re chart in heaven. How low be your name and your kingdom. Come,

and your will be done on earth as it is in heaven. And

give us this day our daily bread, and forgive us our trust passes as

we forgive those who've trespassed against us. And lead us not into temptation,

but deliver us from evil. For Thine is the kingdom and the power and

the glory forever. Ahmen. All right, Jamie, I want to start

with a picture that you posted. You were in band and you had some

interesting con comments to put with that. But you're here to testify today about

your your salvation, how you come to Christ, and that is probably a

very long thing, and through that rocky road you also unfortunately got entangled to

addiction. So literally, your calling to Christ has been a very convoluted thing

that obviously it took a long thought, a long time, and He had

to bring you through a whole lot of treacherous valleys. So why don't you

just share with us and just just let it flow. I'm not going to

really interrupt you unless I think that you're missing a point that you need to

fill in the blank. So you know, Jamie, just give it to

me, both barrels, point blank in the chest. That's how I like

it. Okay, Well, I'm a lifelong persian. I was raised in

the church, always had a pretty strong prayer life. My father was a

ordained minister at seventeen, his father was a pastor. They had a seminary.

They had a falling out when he was a teenager, and so he

sort of ran from the church and never raised this in church. But I

was just born with this desire to know God. And I don't know if

it was more out of because we weren't allowed to go to church. Or

if it just was something that came. I always wanted to go to church.

I would go with whoever would take me. I went to Scientology churches,

I went to Mormon churches, a Baptist, Pentecostal, I went to

all of them, just with any friend that would take us. I was

saved in nineteen ninety five at my grandfather's watch night service on New Year's Day.

I remember exactly what he was preaching about. It was the seven mountains

that you would have to overcome in order to deny Christ. And I wish

I had that sermon on tape today. SO had a very eventful life.

I was a musician can You're kind of a wild child, and my dad

was my best drinking buddy. We had a lot of fun and I was

just allowed to explore all the arts and music and do whatever I really wanted

to. I still had a lot of responsibilities at home, but a lot

of freedom to be creative, a lot of bad relationships. I did have

a child when I was twenty one, to my son, Miles, he's

twenty now. I had a second son when I was twenty six, he's

now fifteen, Elias, and we split up in twenty ten and he doesn't

have anything to do with his children. And then I got involved in a

relationship and with a friend and had another son, my third son. He's

now eight. Before I found out I was pregnant, he passed away as

a result of suicide, and so I've had a lot of trauma from that

and raising him by myself and trying to navigate the very sticky path of raising

a kid. I'm not telling him how his father died, but it's a

very big deal. So anyway, motherhood was very hard on me, just

especially being a single mom. I got a little depression a lot and feeling

like I gave up a lot of things to be a mom. Going from

being a wild gypsy child to being a mom. This is not natural for

me, so it took a lot out of me, and dealing with depression

in the world and stuff. I felt like there was not a lot of

time in a day for me. Very selfish, I'm a brat, I'm

very self centric, person self involved, and being a mom sort of took

a lot out of me and I didn't know how to cope. So I'm

also very spiritually, I think sensible, and I sometimes just I think I

have the gift of discernment to where a lot of times I would just know

things and I dream. I have a lot of dreams. And in twenty

sixteen, we sold our house and moved to a farm that didn't really go

the way we wanted it to, and I had a lot of depressions from

that. We got ripped off by some contractors. The house was falling apart,

the land was a money pit, and we started fighting a lot in

our family. And my father helps me raise my boys, so multi generation

land. We all kind of lived together, and you know, we were

at each other's throats a lot, and I was very depressed. So in

the evenings I just started dabbling with speed and it was just more out of

I wanted time to myself after everybody went to bed, and I was having

these thoughts and I really wanted to be more self involved, and I just

wanted to be in my head and think. And it wasn't that I was

partying with anybody or going out. It was you know, me and my

closet, you know, doing dope by myself. And the things that I

started seeing as a result of staying awake all night, I started to believe,

like many people that they were God give envisions. And then I did

more drugs to stay up and have them more, you know, and it

was it was a very scary path. It took me down within a year.

So I went from during crystal meth to ivy injections, and it literally

helped me dismantle my family in one year. I started being afraid of my

children. I started I just started not want to be around them at all.

And I got in the car one day when I got to the end

of the city, I didn't feel any better, and I got to in

the state, I didn't feel any better, and I just ran. I

left. And it was August twenty, twenty seventeen. I was on my

way from Texas to New Orleans to get on an Amtrak train. I was

born to kill myself in Chicago, and the Holy Spirit told me to pull

over. I walked out into a field and I had a mind blowing paranormal

experience that changed my life for the good. I have not touched for since

that day and all over again, thanks be to God. Removed from a

lot of demonic oppression and addiction because of it. So since then, I've

been in the words. I'm trying to read my Bible and rebuilding a life

of Christ. I don't think he ever left me at all, and I

think he is the reason that I didn't take it any further than I did.

And thanks to him, I have my family back. I have all

three of my kids back. I had my family. I wasn't welcome at

home anymore. My father said he was afraid of me, that I could

never ever come home again. But two years later I was given my children

back, and I have my family back, and we go to church every

Sunday together. It's amazing. So you have a very very personal experience with

the difference between what is godly and what is not because obviously there's no debating

that that, uh, you had divine intervention because he put he put the

brakes on all of your disaster. Absolutely. I remember I was in a

field. I walked out onto the field and you know, Louisiana's marshy and

uh it suck the shoes off me. I was walking in this field and

I have OCDS, so I'll tell you, I'm my feet going in the

mud. So I walked out in this field and I'm barefoot now in the

mud in this dress, and I told God, you know, I was

a coward. I basically I was like, I'm I need you to kill

me or heal me, basically because I was scared. You know, I

was going to kill myself. I was too cowardly even do that, so

uh well, let me just he healed me. But it didn't he didn't

go about it the way I would have wanted to. When I walked out

of the field, a police officer was there, so he sat me down

in jail for a good eighteen months. So it would not have been the

way that I would have chosen to go. But he removed me from people,

places, and things, removed me and jailed me, and it allowed

me to have the mind to heal my mind from the things because I was

too in it. I was too in that situation. And two, I

mean I was afraid. I couldn't even sit indoors hardly at the time of

As a final stage in my fiction, I would get literally sea sick in

my own home because of the demonic apprission because the things that they were doing

to my body, and he had to remove me to show me that it

wasn't my house. It wasn't my children that were It wasn't the people around

me. It was me. I was spiritually bankrupt, and not only bankrupt,

but allowing myself to dolled up by demons. It is demons, you

know. And I invited them there by the things that I was interested in.

You know, I wouldn't say originally if that's what got me into drugs,

but it's what kept me there, you know. And then you start,

you know, symbology and the occult a gnoscissism, things like that duality,

Uh, that interested me. They started using things like twin flame and

very new age concepts to sort of draw me in. And that's why I

thought they were of the light. You know, they were of God,

and they weren't. They use your loneliness and your occupations and your idols to

pull you in and keep you there. But you know, because at that

point you're broken and reaching for anything. So well, it's pretty amazing to

me that God did get involved and he does what a lot of people don't

like to do for you. A place to go, Yes, And after

I left jail, I went to a place called Angela House, which I

mean, they're Catholic based. It's run by x nun. I lived in

a preests rectory and I went through a restoration and a program. I lived

there eighteen months. It's for women. I went through classes at the church.

You know, they have great people in the ministry to come and visit

here, and the Bible studies and meetings and parenting classes. You know,

I lived there. I put myself through college, worked two jobs, and

they teach me how to fight for my kids. You know, I came

out. I didn't even have an ID anymore. You know, I'm a

college educated, you know, person that couldn't even remember how to get my

birth certificate. I was completely you know, destroyed. I had nothing,

had no family, no nothing. And they helped me put everything back together

and I finished that, graduated school, got a little apartment, got a

car, and then this slowly started piecing it back. You know, God

gives you back everything that you that you lose, that you destroy yourself,

and he he stands by you. How does you get it all that you

know? And he doesn't give it to you. It doesn't just hand it

to you. There's sometimes you do have to work for it, but he

shows you the way. Well, that's absolutely no that's absolutely amazing that he

showed you away, and he did it from a very protected place, because

at that point in time, you were a harm and a danger to yourself.

So so so so this police officer just magically appeared when you were in

this field. No, honestly, and I'm gonna tell you it's a really

weird story. So I, uh, where I had walked away from the

car. I hey, I was disoriented. I had been in the sun

like eight hours by this point. There's some other stuff to happen. But

when I left some I'm completely covered in mud. I walk out on the

field and it's getting dark, and where I was was behind an adult bookshop

called the Lions Din and I walked out and there was a trucker pulled over

and I asked him if I could use his phone because mine had died,

and he said, I don't have a phone, but here's this pancho.

And I looked at him and it wasn't raining, and I said, you

know what, I said, A cuss word, you know, you and

your poncho. And I went to walk off, and right when I walked

off, it started raining, and I knew that was an age that man

was not who I thought he was, and he called the police because I

cussed him. But that man, there was no reason for him to hand

me a poncho. I did not ask for a poncho. He said,

here, I have a poncho for you. And I was like, what,

I ain't raining, you know, and get away from me, guy,

and uh. And then I turned around and went to walk away from

him and started pouring down rain. And that was the first time that I

was not by myself out there. So good stuff. So ye, somewhere

in this uh, this this convoluted mess you've you've produced for yourself. God

has created this, this safe haven. He's created this, this systematic way

to get you out of this ditch. Because I would say, you weren't

in a ditch. You were in a deep, dark hole that you put

yourself in, absolutely and and liked being in it because I felt like I

felt like I was being given a task like it hap to be like that

God had and selected me for this mission. And you know, only I

was seeing these visions and you know that, you know, I don't know.

Uh. They played into this need to be something specials the singular thing.

And I loved I loved it. I loved what that. I loved

the feeling that they gave me and anything that you that you've got to stay

awake up all night to receive this message. You know, how could I

have been so cool to believe that that was from God? You know,

well, all of us want to be special, right right, and you

know you can say that that you certainly were special, because I mean you

said you're just a musician. You're a little bit more than that. You

you you can get a copy of your album, right, yes, yeah,

you know, I grew up. I grew up around musician. You

know, I was kind of like the kid's sister. They let me hang

I was a writer and I wrote for several like music magazines, like little

local rags, and they used to let me hang out all the time.

And then I just got tired of hanging out and I started playing music.

And you know, I was a singer. I like the blues, that

like rock, and you know, I liked this sort of family, you

know that took me in and allowed me to do that with them, and

it was a lot of fun. And I did it till my second son

came along. Actually, you know, it's a lot of fun and I

still think there's a place for that in the world. And I really would

like to start writing again. My dad would love to see me sing praise

music. I think maybe I'll do that in the church that we just joined.

So maybe good we'll see good, amazing, that's amazing. So you

obviously had a series weight problem of one time, right, yes, sir,

And even you know, even the addiction, it didn't help, you

know. I think I might be the only person that was a crystal methadic

that gained weight, But it was because it's leut me. Even when I

was on it, I wanted sugary drinks. I wanted the bad things,

the pastries, candy, you know, just garbage. I was feeding my

soul with garbage. And then you know, even before that, eating my

feelings depression. You know, sugar is a major addiction, carbs, you

know, it's all processes like sugar. Also, I was on multiple you

know site meds. I'm I have really bad. It's such a compulsive disorder

for you know, I have a lot of hacks, have a lot of

ticks. I touched my face a lot, very fidgity. I was one

lots of medicine, lots of medicine. Those things made me eat even more.

So yeah. Uh, and just gluttony and depression and slav you know,

just does not want to deal with life and feeling unattractive and unloved and

bad relationships, just my feelings and I made a protective barrier around myself and

my heart, you know. So that that was my real question. So

you had the weight problem while you were addicted. So so the weight problem

was in concert with the drug addiction. Oh yeah, the I mean the

drug addiction came much later. The weight problem was lifelong, early teams until

and I was even an athlete school, so uh, all through high school,

I would say, junior high started picking up weight, and then you

know, high school. I was already two hundred when I graduated. And

then just a bad relationship at the time of my addiction. That was the

highest. I weigh three hundred and sixty pounds, three hundred and sixty,

three hundred and sixty pounds, And that's being an IVY and menth user with

one hundred dollars a day habit. Yep, how much did you say per

day? One hundred dollars a day? How is that possible. You were

going through enough crank you should have been running marathons. Yeah, yep,

no, But I was also drinking you know, twelve package doctor, you

know doctor Pepper who let you know, you know, and then and then

I was eating anyway to hide the fact from my family that I was an

active addiction. So at some point in time, you decided to get a

surgery for the addiction, I take it or the food or you're calling them,

Oh, if you were addicted to food, is that what you mean?

Oh? Yes, even after I got cleaned, I have more.

So after I got cleaned, even I continue, I never got as big

as I did after jail. I actually lost some white and Jill and then

I got back up to I was three forty three the day I had surgery.

So getting sober, the first thing is you're gonna replace you know.

You go to AA, you see AA movies. You see people with their

coffee and their cigarettes. So it's very easy to get addicted to other things,

hard candy, you know. So I was working two jobs and going

to school. I was smoking two packs of cigarettes. Today, you know,

eating garbage, you know, and you eat fast food because you're always

on the move, going between work and school, so I ballooned right back

up. So I was three hundred and forty two grounds I moved home and

when I got custy my kids. It never got any better. And then

in twenty nineteen, my father lost his job and it's been a high to

COVID. He'd worked in the refineries for forty something years and they were bought

out by a foreign company and they started cutting their upper middle management and he

was the first on the block and he was very depressed. But he got

his little severance package and he's like, well, you know what, I'm

going to have to look for work and I'm going to have this weight loss

surgery to help myself. He's like, I know that's your dream too,

so if you want to do it with me, we will, and so

we did. That was twenty nineteen Thanksgiving twenty nineteen. That was my first

sacrifice. I didn't get to eat turkey and dressing that year. I went

down to Kijuana had the surgery. So and since that time, I've lost

two hundred pounds. So that's that's that's pretty amazing that that first you had

to deal with the addiction. But they weren't done with you, because all

they were wanting you to do is to change your game and fill that hole

with something else. And now instead of it being math, it was ho

hose and twinkies, correct, and you know, more cigarettes and you know,

yeah, so at some point in here, you know, you stated

that this was divine intervention in this field, right, absolutely, so I

I yeah, for sure. So most people would say, well, where

was your conversion event? Was it when you got off of drugs or was

it in the field. It was in the field, I knew. I'll

just say that I had an eight hour vision and was immobilized, unable to

move, and I knew that what I had been talking to was not God.

There was not it was not anything good. And I knew that when

I walked out of that field and the man, the man that met me

there, he was of God. And when the and that God had sent

the police for me, that I was being relieved from that so but not

just relieved, but that I had to leave it alone because it's I could

call that, you know, I could call it up right now and be

right back in the same place. And you know what, that's really what

that man was about, right He offered for the rain that's coming that you

don't know about. Yeah, you don't know that's coming. And you turned

around and it started pouring. Yeah, like baby, you're in the flood,

like you you don't know it yet, but this this ship's going down.

And I knew that the visions that I had been seeing for the for

the entire year, that actually had started speeding up. And you know,

the really weird thing is that that was during and I talked to you about

this the that was the day of the Great American Eclipse, August twenty first,

twenty seventeen. And when I got out of the car in the field,

I'd been shrunk out on Metro days. I had no idea was the

eclipse day. So when that happened, this just happened to me in the

field. And then that sun goes black. I mean it was it was

theatric you know, So I knew when I left the field and that started

flooring. I got to the jail that night, and there had been some

previous things that were happening, and let's just say I had a warrant out

of Texas for something that had happened years ago. But they would have never

come arrested me for it, but there was a whole reason for that to

have happened, and God sat me down. I was in a Kadiana parish

jail and Louisiana, Louisiana is the only state that has Napoleonic law, so

they held me in that jail for thirty days without being a judge, and

that's the only state you can do that. And there was a reason that

Jew There was a reason God sat me down and at jail that night and

I had to sit there for thirty days. I was protect Hurricane Harvey happened

after that at home. Everything everything about my life at home was washed away,

you know, and it was protected from me my family. God protected

my family from me while he worked on me. And I know that to

this day. I screamed and cursed God, and I was mad as a

hornet. But I know now the relationship I have a God today. I

know that God was absolutely protected my family and my children from me, from

the enities that I was bringing into that home and from me. Human beings

can be monsters, and it gave us the soil of the heel. And

it's so amazing what He's done in our lives, you know, better than

ever. And I hate to say that, you know, he's glad I

put them through that that's not true. But I'm I think it made me

a better mother. It made me want to be present in their lives and

made me fight for them, and I'm so grateful. Thank I'm trying in

the middle of a Boston airport right now telling you about it. So I'm

under shamed, you know. So let's talk about the present for a minute.

Why are you in a Boston airport? So in twenty nineteen, I

did start my own company. I do pet transport. I'm a flight nanny.

I trade at a welding inspector. So this is completely out of my

element, but I started doing this is just a little side hustle to make

money. And you know, now it's a family affair. My family works

for me. You know. It allows us to my father who was out

of work. You know, it makes him some extra money. And he

has a little hot shot transport company. He delivers construction supply. But I

do pets and I fly pets all over the country. So so the Lord

has taken this deep dark hole he was in and he's pulled out a whole

family out of it. Yes, So why don't you tell me about your

sons. Let's talk about your older son. Well, what does he do?

My oldest son, he works for a he works on a tugboat.

So and he's he's very much into church with us. We all go to

church. They all enjoy it very much. He's a good boy. He

just graduated last year and he works for my friend Bill at a tugboat company.

So what about And he's a welder proof, Yeah, he is a

welder. He was working on like a car restoration shop and you know it,

it just wasn't very uh lucrative, and it was working for an individual

and uh but yeah, my friend got him on at this tugboat place.

But yeah, he's thinking about going to trade school and he was something with

it. But he actually told me today he might be a tugboat captain.

He kind of digs it cool. That is too cool. So what about

your second oldest? He plays football and he's a giant. He's like order

sized fifteen shoes, like six foot something tall. He's huge, and he's

kind of a gamer. But he's very sensitive. Love and boy, that's

my that's my teddy bear. He's a good kid. And my little one,

a little one that's my heart there and my kids all fired Jesus.

He's beautiful. He just lights up a room. Everybody loves that kid.

Something special about that one. So he's taking your mantle. He's absolutely,

for sure, very good. So it's pretty interesting that this all happens during

the eclipse. That's pretty amazing. I actually did some live coverage of that

very eclipse. So how did you stumble across this ministry? And I think

it was that I think originally, I think I started. I actually was

looking for like what the symbols behind that were, you know, and more

about like Jewish astronomy and things like that, because I and not to be

it, I do believe that those things are given to us for a sign,

and I want I was trying to figure out what it meant on a

bigger scale. I know what it meant to me personally, but I knew

that it was more important, you know, to what was coming, you

know, and the things that I had been seeing up to that point were

trying to distract me or mislead me from what was coming, you know.

They were giving me the old apocalyptic blue thing and that I was, you

know, castive in their world. You know that I was gonna have some

kind of special mission. But you know it was bogus like romantic notions and

it wasn't scriptural at all. So it was very important for me to find

somebody that could give me the real, no nonsense, not not rapture stuff

at all. Like I I that's not what I'm looking for. I'm looking

for the science and the sense. I want to know when he's coming,

and I want to know. I don't want the Hollywood version. The Hollywood

version is how I got fool Oh oh, that's a bad thing to say.

Say that one more time. The Hollywood scripts that these entities were trying

to show me. That's how I got led astray. That's what I knew.

That's what fascinated me. And they used it. They used it in

order to entertain me. And I was entertained for a year, you know,

like I I was going, you know, I was going with him,

you know, and I wasn't be in charge. I'm gonna leave the

charge. Yep, right into the dirt. That's where they led me,

right, we went off the rails and into the ditch, right into the

grave. I mean that's what Proverbs says. Yep, and that's where uh,

you know, and they say, and uh, which I I don't

follow twelve steps, and that helps a lot of people. Uh, but

mine has been a spiritual path uh all the way. I don't rely on

man made steps. When I've got the I've got the structure to get me

out of the ditch, I stay in. But uh in in recovery,

they tell you that addiction only leads the jails institution in death. And you

don't even need addiction to just just follow them. And you know, follow

some bad guys. You know they'll come for you. They will leave you

there, yeah, where you're at yep. But you don't want to go

to that party. I promise it's a very lonely party because there so eventually

you stumbled on this ministry. Where was that? Did you do a search?

How did you stumble across us? No? I well, I mean

I had been studying, IVE been listening to you know, honestly, Matthew,

I can't remember. I can't remember what I typed in. I know

it had to do with the astronomy. I know that. I think the

first one I ever listened to it was led by a star. Hold on,

I could, I could pull up my Spotify. It was an old

broadcast with you and Aaron Christian Conspiracy, and it was it was about it

was it was about the stars that the magi followed. Oh yes, taught

by a star. Well that's that's pretty interesting. So yes, so let

your your views on, you know, the astronomy stuff. It's just mine

blowing. And I appreciate you putting that all together because that's how my mind

works. So you're speaking my language, so uh, you know, the

etymology of words, all of it. I'm so fascinated by it. Language

is my that's my cup of tea. So the astrology, you know,

astronomy that well a lot of people don't know that. That's that's what my

book is about. So so you must have really liked I got a copy

of it. Yes, you got a copy of it, So that really

did that? That really was your cup of tea right there, Yes,

sir, like, And and that's I mean, that's how that's how,

that's how God speaks to me. And you know, he speaks to people.

He meets people where they need to be met, and so to me,

I feel like I have a very personal relationship with God, and that's

the symbols, and that's the selestial events. That's where God talks to me.

And so I feel like He talks to me through you. Wow,

So I really can write a book. I offered you a poncho. You

did. You are my poncho right now. And I'm so thank you so

much for you and and Aaron too. I love both y'all, and I

threw you Jose and you know, Joe, y'all are awesome. And Leonard

now too. I started listening to Leonard stuff. So yeah, Leonard,

Leonard's good stuff. He's intense, he doesn't he's no no games, but

he does not miss words. And you know, even when he talked the

other day about you know, the pastor that was overweight, you know,

it hurts. It hurts a little bit, but it's true. It really

is. You cannot live a gluttonous life and be in that pulpit and telling

people that they need to lay that stuff down. You know. It's just

like you didn't talk about other people's pet sins when you've got one at home

too. So so do you know where Leonard came from? I from what

I gather. You know, he's from the streets, and yes he was.

He was a you know he was banging here, the gangbanger too.

Yes, he was a banker, right, Yes, So we'll have to

have him tell the story. When he started preaching with a gun, Yeah

he helped. He he he held people hostage and start preaching to him.

That was, yeah, that's that was definitely one way to do it.

But but he was in that same ditch that you were in. Well it

wasn't a ditch, it was a deep, dark hole. And the Lord

did the same exact thing. He just kept he just kept showing, you

know, Leonard where he was at, and Leonard had to come to him,

right. And that's what people don't understand is that you know these empathies.

They don't. They're not denying Christ, they're not saying, hey,

worship me there. I mean famous lead people by pretending to be then pretending

they know the past. You know, well some other paths that they didn't

tell you about. Let me tell you about it, and that you know,

they're not the big horn guy with pitchfork. That's not how they get

you. They don't show up like that. They show up as everything you

ever wanted. They show up as your friend. They show up in your

darkest hour and sit with you and tell you, hey, there's a this

other way that the Bible isn't telling you about. That I can get you

there, you know, and I think you're on still the right path,

but you're not. So what you're saying is is that they give you your

desires. Yeah, and until you can have both that you're just a say.

God doesn't want to deprive you of the things you love. God doesn't

want you. God, there's no such thing as sin, you know,

just replace sin with dove or you know that new agey stuff, you know,

the New age stuff that says, oh, sin is just a lack.

No, there's no, it's just the thing to oppress you. Jesus

is love, you know. Jesus is love, but sometimes it's tough love.

You know, yes, yes, real tough love. Sit in jail,

love in jail, you know, and there's like, oh, you've

got jail house Jesus. Like, no, Jesus is in the jailhouse because

people are filled with despair. You know, the loneliest place in the world.

That's Jesus. You know, Jesus broke bread with prostitutes and the tax

guy, you know, because he was waiting for them to turn around.

You know, she had to be there when they turn around. So so

I gave you the pot show and uh, he broke he did, you

know. And he was always there. And that's the thing you got to

remember that, you know, he didn't leave me. I just turned my

head the other way when I did, you know. And the only thing

he did was showed you where he was at. And you had to come

to him. Had to turn around and ask for help, you know.

I had to. I had to say I can't do this anymore. You

know. I had to say, I don't have anything else. I have

lost my family, I've lost every dollar i've I have stolen from my father,

who would give down his life for us. And that's not you know.

And I had to say I can't. This body is broken, my

mind is broken, and I need help. And I you know, when

you have to beg God kill me or heal me because I can't. You

better hold onto your hat, you better hold on buckle up baby. All

right? That is good stuff right there. That is a good that's a

good quote. Kill me or kill me. I beg for it, I

mean, and if he wouldn't, I was on my way to do it.

I was gonna was taking an Amtrak train to go kill myself on the

place that I love most. And because I couldn't, I was too scared,

too scared of my own mind. So he healed me and he restored

it. So what have you filled in all those spaces with? What did

you fill into the space of drugs? What did you fill into the space

of uh gluttony? What did you fill in that space? Because you obviously

didn't use math to fill it in, and you obviously didn't use ho hose

and twinkies anymore. No, sir, I'm trying to heal my body with

putting good food in it and healthier decisions. I fill the space with scripture

and the Word and go to church and my family, filling up with anything

else but the Word and trying to build my relationship with God. Prayer.

I start out my morning with time of God. I pray. I also

journal three pages before my feet hit the ground because I feel like in the

quiet but spaces before you know, kids and dogs and the world. That's

my morning time, and I try to, you know, before I lay

my head down at night, I try to read or at least listen,

and I listen to you your podcast every day all day on the plane,

old episodes, I mean, not just your podcast and a few others I

follow, but I try to I don't have time to I'm trying to listen

to it all the time. So it helps with the thoughts, not that

I have any desire to go back out and use. It's just the thoughts

that lead me, you know, the worthlessness or the maybe I'm not doing

enough things that we are enough. We all are on this mission, you

know. Yes, it's not a singular mission. We've got to help.

We've got to get to a place where God can use this. And that's

what I'm trying to do, get in my body and my mind in a

place where I can be its use. And that's why I said I do

hope my testimony will help somebody someday. So let me get this straight.

You're saying that now you want to be the one with the poncho. I

do. But even when if they don't know, they need you know.

And the first example is told be of an example to live it, not

just talk it. To live it. Because nobody's gonna take my seriously,

Could I say I haven't been there at the bottom. I haven't been completely

destituted and lost everything, you know. I didn't even want to be a

mom anymore. That's how bad I was broken that I thought they were better

off without me. So they had removed even your natural motherly instinct. And

most people would say that's impossible, but you're saying they removed your natural motherly

instinct. Oh yeah. They made me feel alien to my own kids,

that they maybe they weren't even mine, Like I couldn't they. I started

believing that my youngest son was yeah, not human. Wow, it was

pretty pretty my I made my father afraid. He said that it's towards and

they didn't. They didn't know that I was on drunks. They thought I

was having some kind of I had a brain tumor or some kind of psychiatric

break. The last three months, I was unable to keep quiet anymore about

the things I was seeing and the paranoia because it was happening wasn't just happening

at night anymore. It was happening in my home. I wasn't able to

I had hit it for a long time and I didn't say anything. But

then I started, I started being scared of my kids or not wanting to

sit in the house. I would sit out on my porch for sometime eighten

twelve hours. I couldn't even go in the house anymore. So tell me

this. I'm going to ask you a question. And we didn't discuss this

with our boundaries before. So if you don't want to answer this question,

just say no. But you have pricked me and triggered something in me.

I'm going to ask you something, and most people don't don't understand why I

would ask you. Just so, was you avoiding the mirror there? So?

How long had it been since you looked in the mirror? Well,

it was I don't know, like I mean I was. I was tending

to basically like hygiene meat. But yeah, I didn't want to look in

the mirror. I didn't want to. I didn't want to look at my

kids because all I saw was they. I believed at this point that sorry,

it's russ. I don't really talk about this stuff out loud. There's

stuff, there's stuff that I haven't even told my family because I don't ever

want them to believe that. Derek risk or scare them to let them know

how bad things were. But at this point, they were leading me to

believe that I was like sometimes like hybrid or something, you know. So

I I just I mourned my own humanity. No, I I was broken.

I thought, I, well, you know, I'm I didn't mean

to really. Oh, no, it's good, it's a good thing.

It's just that I do want people to know this, that they need to

realize that that's one thing these entities will always do. They will make it

to where you don't want to look in the mirror and you don't want to

look at other people. You will literally absolutely avoid eye contact. You won't

look anybody in the eye. Well, and then I thought, you know,

I thought they were I can sometimes just see it on my skin,

you know, like uh, or in my eyes, like they would distort

what you see either. So you're saying they would distort your perception. I

hope it was just my perception that they actually weren't physically doing it. But

I would see literally like my eyes were different, you know, And it's

not just being high like manipulate the size of you know, shape of my

pupil or my skin. Sometimes you know, and I do believe it was,

you know, a spell or just I don't. I don't know.

I'm be scared to find out what the method of it was, but at

that I know that whatever it was, I've been released of it. Well.

Definitely distort your perception of how you see yourself and how you see others

around you. The things that would keep you from getting far flung, they

take away from you. I feared my children, my father. I feared

Jesus. You know, isolation is a good place to put din. They

just break you down, yes, to break you down, to literally break

you down, literally stick by stick. They literally dismantled you, and made

me believe that I was unstalvageable, that I was. I was going first

to the flame, you know, like, oh, you're one of us.

We're taking you. We're here to rescue you. You know, We're

a rescue mission to take you back, you know, and like what you

know and this stuff. I laugh at it now because I'm just like,

how did I get so caught up? You know? But they wait,

they wait, they wait till the very end to bring out the big you

know, the big, the big goofy prizes. You know, wait till

the very end. Who You're just like what, I'm invested, You're invested

at that point. So so would you describe your salvation as an event or

process? Uh, the final event was a big event, but no,

it was a gradual process and it's still going on. You know. It's

uh, I had I Sometimes he has to throw he has to come back

with the pawn show daily, you know, or send a lifecraft or you

know, sometimes your own head gets in the way. So it is a

process. I believe that he you know, he had to show show up

to intercede. That was a big He needed to get my attention in a

big way. But the relationship is a daily process. Well, you know,

you're what you're kind of saying is that you found yourself in a place

you didn't want to be and he had to send a tugboat, big one,

Yeah, a big one that was like undeniable, you know, and

it for like I said, I went to jail. I was mad,

you know, I was like, because it's your freedom, you know.

But looking back on it now, like I would not have got to where

I am today had I had to completely lose it all I had I had

to be covered, and I had to be pooled from the mud. I

had to be barefoot in the middle of the mud screaming at the sky.

And and that I'm not saying that that's what it takes in order for God

to hear you. I'm taking that a saying that's what it took for me

to surrender. And it's about surrender. It's about saying I can't he can.

All those slogan things are true because it's you got to get out of

the way. I had to get out of the way. I had it,

So you know, it's it's pretty apropos that you say that you had

to get out of the way. Boy, there was you created quite an

obstacle, did he And he came for me. He had to do it

there all, he still came to the jungle for me. So well,

praise God for that. I mean, praise the Lord for that. So

so on this side, I see you. You're still a big Smashing Pumpkins

fan, right I am. And I've been friends with Billy since I was

like nineteen years old. And it's amazing to see his spiritual path too,

with somebody who he never was. Yeah, always had a spiritual life,

but never like a relationship with Jesus, and so we're kind of on this

road together and so it's really awesome to see that reflected in his music now,

so it's kind of a cool thing. Yeah, that that is very

cool. And unfortunately I see that you're in two plumb crazy I am.

That's like my dream car. I'm a Dodge no car, no car,

but that's always been my dream car, that color. I even I wanted

to there's a guy in my town that has the nineteen seventies Roadrunner in that

color. I want that car so bad. Well, it's a lot better

to be tempted by such things you can control, because it's just amazing.

So, so now you're also a certified you're a welder inspector. Yeah,

I'm a welding inspector and I'm actually coming up I'm coming to Nebraska in September.

I work for Gene in Htashi, so I'm coming to a nuclear power

plant up there. So there's any nuclear disasters that bring up on apocalypse,

Sorry, it's probably me from the clutch. Sorry, probably you well,

so you're probably most appreciating what we do here. Probably you probably appreciate those

just chapter by chapter Bible studies. I like those two, but I like

all the shows. I do like the Christian conspiracy stuff, but I do

like the breakdown because and I'll tell you I've read the Bible quite a bit,

and especially when I was in jail. But whatever opened my eyes,

which an artificial inorganic way to open your eyes and see beyond the veil.

The blessing in this is that it has not been completely closed. And I

feel like I hear with new ears and see with new eyes. So when

you guys are delivering scripture or you're doing a study on it, the things

that I hear now are that you know, my heart isn't harden too soccer,

but I hear such a message of hope now instead of you know,

the if fire, the attack of it. And I feel like I'm so

grateful to be able to get the message in a completely different way. And

I've read the Bible this million times and it's all brand new in a different

way. And sometimes y'all will say something and like we'll be on a road

trip and he like, I never even heard of that, And this is

my dad who was raised in the ministry, you know, like you know,

it's so for you know, to hear a sixty five year old man,

you know, it's been raised in the church's entire life be like,

I ain't never even heard of that before, you know, And it's like

so it makes go in and dig and I'm I'm blessed to have you guys

in my life. And that's not a commercial for the show, but I

mean, I just want to say thank you very much. Well you're very

will and uh, Aaron and I are going to do some Christian conspiracy theory

today once we get off here. So I mean, I love that kind

of stuff because it, I mean, there's a scary I like to be

able to hear these things and the signs and things that go along with them,

and because y'all take all these other approaches that all still point back to

Jesus and the things that we should this is how we got to this conclusion

to where because I think in a way that is I say, this gift

is this term. Sometimes I just know the answer and I spend a lot

of time trying to find the evidence for it, and you guys make it

easy because it's like we've arrived at this answer. Here's how we got here

and that's how my brain works. So even if I know it in spirit,

you guys are providing me the path to it, and it kind of

makes it easier because I may get on all these other little tangents that might

distract me from what I was investigating in the first place. So something that

spirit calls me to. It's so weird because sometimes y'all will do a show

on it and I'm like, I was just telling somebody about that, Like,

so yes, it's free all I want to take the opportunity. What's

something you'd like to hear is to do or cover? I would like,

I really would like to know more about I know it's really crazy more genealogy

stuff, but also like I really would like to know more about like Esther

uh. And I'm no feminist by any means, but like the reasons why

these women are named in the genealogy of Christ. And I think also I

think the idea the thing on the Hebrews and job it's going to be interesting

with when you're talking about what you need the other day, I think that's

going to be a really I'm very interested to die dive on job and I

think I relate a lot to job having so not that if he endured a

lot more than I did, but that that feeling. You know, I

never once denied Christ or never wanted a course Christ, but you know I

have lost a lot. Well, it is true that you you definitely at

this point in time, you definitely facilitate the last chapter of Joe, because

I mean, I mean, think about what you've just stated. You just

stated within minutes that at one point in time, uh, you were sitting

in a jail, and now you're going to go inspect welding points at a

nuclear facility. I mean, I don't know if you were present for this

conversation, but I think God has has given you a whole lot more than

you ever lost. Right, And I know you saw my Facebook, like

you know, I was given it a twit card, Like I'm allowed in

these facilities. I'm a selling you know how hard that is? Like for

three years I had to fight for one and I've got one and I'm going

into I have security access to get into a nuclear ability. Okay, that's

insane. Well I'm gonna have to counter you. I'm gonna have to counter

you, Jamie, because literally, isn't that that's not legal? You can't

be a felon and get security clearance. I mean that is a miracle.

Hadn't watch yep. I did it the hard way. But that was God

because that's letter writing that my mother. My mother is a hard taste my

mom. She is not thiss forgiving as my dad. My mom wrote me

a character letter. My mother. You know, I thought I wouldn't have

a relationship with I didn't even have a relationship with her before. Like mother

daughter relationship. It's one of my best friends now. Like my mother wrote

me a character letter. My psychiatrist wrote me a letter. My counselor you

know at the homeless shelter that I was living in, wrote me. These

people fought for me. I wrote letters, but you know what, God

showed up for me on that committee and I got it because I didn't want

to just eat working on the pipeline. You know, I want to work

in aerospace in a nuclear sector, like I want to put my school.

I don't. I don't want to be a monkey out there. I want

to use my brain and use some of the other sciences that I'm licensed in.

And I can't do it, you know, just do it on the

pipeline I've got to be able to go into nuclear facilities or uh in aerospace

to you know, do this on hybrid polymers, things that interest me.

You know, I don't want to just we're going to oil and gas and

you know, not that there's anything wrong with that, but I I got

in these sciences in order to do the middle ergy, you know, to

learn about those things. And I'm gonna do it and with God, God

willing so. And he's making away, hey man, he is. He

obviously is not only made away, he is making away. And still you

are a testament to that. Thank you. All right, let's uh your

closing comments. I just wanted to say that whatever you're into, like,

if somebody is out there is struggling with the fiction and they feel isolated and

alone, I'm not. All you got to do is turn to the work

and just pray and just say that, you know until all you got to

do. You don't have to have the right words. He knows what's your

within your heart, and just ask for help. It's never too late.

We are never beyond saving ever. And those things will tell you that you're

too far gone that your family will not be restored to you. And You're

never too far gone. You're never because once he finds us, he never,

he'll never let you go. All you got to do is turn around,

sit down and turn around. So all right, and I just want

to thank you for having me and allow me to share my testimony. And

I hope it it is we'll reach somebody out there. And it doesn't just

have to be drugs, It could be anything. Just ask God to help

relieve you and you may not like to answer, but he knows what he's

doing. All right, Well, let us pray, Dear Heavenly Father,

thank you so much for Jamie, and thank you so much for giving us

this time to spend together, that we might be able to share what you

have done for Jamie, that there might be others that are lost out there

as lost as she was. And thank you for allowing her to testify to

them that know you. Oh Lord, you are God, and besides you,

there is no other. And I ask you to please fill Jamie's family

with the Holy Spirit. And if they are not called according to your purpose,

I pray, Dear Lord, I ask you personally to please call her

her mom and her dad and call her three boys, call them according to

your purpose, please, Dear Lord, and I pray that you bless her,

and I pray that you you pave the way before her. And Dear

Lord, thank you so much for Jamie, and thank you so much for

bringing her into my life. She has been a blessing to me. And

Dear Lord, I pray that you you bless her for that alone, for

showing me this kindness. In the name of the Lord Jesus Christ, we

pray our Savior and your and your son, Lord, thank you and thank

you so much. In Christ name, I pray Amen. Amen. All

right, ladies and gentlemen, until next time, God bless God speed.

Thank you for listening to Marinath the Ministries with Matthew Miller. I appreciate you

tuning in. For more information, stop by and visit us at patreon dot

com, backslash Matthew Miller, or you can correspond to us via snail mail

by writing to PO Box zero two four Reader, North Dakota five eight six

four nine. Now, if you are a God fearing, Bible believing,

Gospel preaching Christian, please repeat after me. I pledge allegiance to the Bible,

God's Holy Word. I will make it a lamp unto my feet,

and a light unto my path. It's your words. Will I hide in

my heart that I might not sin against God.