Avoiding Gossip

Good morning. It is time to grab a seat. In fact, it was time to grab a seat four seconds ago.

All right. We are continuing our series, How to Handle Relational Drama.

We are now in part 10. We are almost finished with this series.

I hope that it has been good for you.

Today is, in some ways, our final behavioral topic, as I plan for next Sunday

to be a conclusion for the whole series.

And so today's topic is gossip.

And let me begin with one of the Bible's most vivid word pictures when it comes to gossip.

This is Proverbs chapter 26, verses 20 and 21.

Proverbs 26:20

It says, without wood, fire goes out.

Without a gossip, conflict dies down.

As charcoal for embers and wood for fire, so is a quarrelsome man for kindling strife. Oh my.

Isn't that true? I mean, that's so true. In fact, it seems to me it doesn't matter.

You could be a Hindu, you could be a Buddhist, you could be an atheist this

morning, and I think you'd have to agree this Bible verse is true, right?

To reduce gossip will result in a reduction of relational drama because gossip

fuels relational drama.

Have you ever had it happen to you? Have you ever been in a situation where

you thought, like, I wish that person would stop talking about me behind my back?

Like, things would be so much easier if they would just stop talking about it?

Who's thought that? Who's been in that situation?

Yeah, almost all of us.

I think pretty much all of us recognize, not just from the Bible,

but from personal experience that gossip is a real problem in this world.

So I wanna break the sermon down today into three parts. I wanna talk about

the definition of gossip.

I wanna talk about gossip in the long term and I wanna talk about gossip in the short term.

So these are the three headings, if you're a note taker, okay?

The headings that everything will fall under under the series is gonna be,

heading number one is what is gossip?

Heading number two is gossip on judgment day. And then heading number three is gossip on Monday.

So those are the three portions of the sermon. What is gossip?

Gossip on judgment day, gossip on Monday. Ready?

All right, I mean, we're doing it, whether you're ready or not.

But it's better when you're ready. Are you ready? Okay. What is gossip?

We'll start there. I think it is good for us to come up with some kind of definition

because for some of us, we have, I think, a hard time telling sometimes if we're gossiping.

Have you been in that situation where you're talking about someone and it's

sort of negative and they're not there and you're like, oh, is this gossip that

I'm doing right now? And you've asked yourself that question.

Have you ever been in that situation?

What's weird is it's much more obvious when it is done to you or about you, right?

So like when you're doing it, like, you know, it's just kind of funny.

We're like, I don't know. Is this a sin? I'm not sure if it's a sin.

When someone else does it to you or about you, you're like, oh, that's a sin.

I'm a hundred percent sure, right? When I did it, I don't know.

When they did it, a hundred percent sure it was evil, right? Have you noticed that?

Isn't it crazy how we can recognize sin so much better when we are the victim

than when we are the perpetrator?

I think that might be one of the reasons why Jesus taught do unto others as

you would have them do unto you.

When you imagine it being done to you, it's easier to evaluate it, isn't it?

I mean, not always. There are some times where people, you know,

just think that every single thing that anybody does that they don't like is

a sin and, you know, is a problem. And that's, that is not always true.

But a lot of times imagining something being done to you gives you a way to

evaluate it that's different than when you're the person doing it.

Anyway, I cannot give you a perfect definition of the word gossip because the

Bible never defines it. Okay.

The Bible is not a dictionary. So it doesn't say like, this was the meaning of this word.

The Bible just uses words and you have to pay attention to the way the Bible

uses the word to figure out what it's talking about.

So what I would like to do is I'd like to give like a working definition of

gossip based on Bible verses that are on this concept.

So I'm going to give you this definition and we'll just take a piece by piece

until we come up with the whole thing. So I'll start off real simple. Okay.

Gossip is a sin. We'll start there. Okay. If we're going to try to define gossip,

I'll start with that being the first part of the sentence.

Gossip is a sin. And so for that, I will show it to you in Romans chapter one, verse 28.

In Romans 1, 28 through 30, it says this, it says, because they did not think

it worthwhile to acknowledge God, God delivered them over to a worthless mind

to do what is morally wrong.

Now get ready, because after this, what we're going to have is a list of things

that are morally wrong. Okay.

They are filled with all unrighteousness, evil, greed, and wickedness.

They are full of envy, murder, quarrels, deceit, and malice.

They are, what's the word?

Gossips, slanderers, God haters, arrogant, proud, and then the list goes on.

So this is basic, but I figured I would start off by pointing out that the Bible

includes gossip in a list of sins.

The Bible includes gossip in a list of sins alongside murder and God hating.

So whatever gossip is, it's a sin, right? All right. Here's the next part of the definition.

Gossip is a sin of words. Okay. Gossip is a sin of words.

Proverbs 26, verse 22 say, a gossip's words are like choice food that goes down

Proverbs 26:22

to one's innermost being.

Okay. The tool that a gossip uses to do what they do is words.

So whatever gossip is, it involves words.

Gossip is different than murder in that it is something that you say. Okay. Let's keep going.

So gossip is a sin. Gossip is a sin of words. Gossip is a sin of secretive words being revealed.

This is Proverbs 11 verse 13. It says, a gossip goes around revealing a secret,

Proverbs 11:13

but a trustworthy person keeps a confidence.

A gossip is about revealing private information or talking about someone when they are not around.

In fact, along the same lines, it might be helpful for you to know that when

the Bible uses the word gossip like this, especially as a noun, like a gossip does this,

when the Bible uses this word, a lot of times it comes from a word that can

be translated whisperer, okay?

In fact, I found out this week that's actually true in the Old Testament and in the New Testament.

The Hebrew word that's translated into the English word gossip and the Greek

word that's translated into the English word gossip, both in the Old Testament

and New Testament, a lot of times it comes from the word in that language that is the word whisperer.

In fact, they're going to put up on the screen Proverbs 26, 20.

This is the same verse that I opened to the sermon with, but I'm just going

to have them display it in the ESV, okay? English standard version.

It's just a different translation than the one I use. It is a good translation.

So in the ESV, and it tends to be a little bit more literal of a translation,

this is how ESV translates that verse that I started the sermon with.

For lack of wood, the fire goes out and where there is no whisperer, quarreling ceases.

I'm guessing that whisperer is the more literal way to translate it.

However, the reason that many translators go with the word gossip is because

if you're not careful, it seems to me that if you're always translating a whisper,

you might accidentally communicate that it's wrong for Christians to speak at

a low volume. Can you imagine how that could happen?

Right? Because you can tell in context, it's not just speaking a low volume,

right? It's some sort of whispering that is causing quarreling.

But if you weren't careful and you just said, oh, it's the sin of whispering, right?

And then Christians are going to be like, oh, okay, whispering,

right? It's bad to be a whisperer. And that would be a bad interpretation of scripture, right?

One day you're going to go into the library and the librarian is going to go,

shh. And you're going to go, I can't shush.

I'm a Christian, right? We're not allowed to be whisperers. And then you're

going to get kicked out of the library and you're going to look stupid.

And it's because you don't know how to interpret the Bible.

And so I'm trying to help you here. It seems to me that when you see this word

in the Bible, even in versions like the ESV, you can tell it's a whispering

or some kind of private talk that keeps conflict alive and well, right?

So it's some sort of like secretive talking about someone, okay?

So gossip is a sin of secretive words being revealed. And now here's the final part of the definition.

Gossip is a sin of secret words being revealed to harm people.

Gossip is a sin of secretive words being revealed to harm people.

Let me show you Proverbs 16 verse 28.

Proverbs 16:28

It says a contrary man spreads conflict and a gossip separates friends.

So what does a gossip do? What's the result of what they do?

Friends are separated, right?

There are times when we use stories that we tell or information that we give

in order to destroy someone's relationship with the person that we're talking about.

Sometimes we do this out of jealousy, right? We don't like the relationship

that they have and we think, well, I can sabotage it. I will tell this story.

I'll give them this information to ruin their relationship.

Sometimes we do it out of revenge.

That person talked bad about me, so I'm going to talk bad about them.

Sometimes we might do it just out of selfishness, like, hey,

I have this story and in the story I look good and they look bad, so I'll tell this story.

I think it's a great story, right? So we're going to talk more about this later,

but it seems to me that the motives a person has for revealing information has

a lot to do with whether it is a sin or not.

So that's our working definition. Okay. I hope that's helpful to you.

Gossip is a kind of whispering that harms people. Okay.

Now onto the second section of the sermon, gossip on judgment day.

If gossip is a sin, how big of a problem is it? Okay. What does it do with our relationship with God?

And so for this, I wanted to show you Matthew chapter 12. Actually,

Matthew 12 · chapter mention

I have two passages I want to show you, one in Matthew and one in Romans,

but let's start with the one in Matthew.

You. Romans chapter 12, and before it even comes up, can you just,

Romans 12 · chapter mention

I don't know, was there a blank slide? Can we go back to that for just a second? All right.

The passage that I'm about to read to you, the context is Jesus is speaking to the Pharisees.

If you looked earlier in the chapter, Jesus is talking to the Pharisees,

and it seems to me what the Pharisees were doing is they were actively gossiping

about him, and that's what motivated what happens next.

They were talking about him, they were talking negatively about him,

and they're talking about him in the third person, not to his face, but about him.

So he addresses what they were talking about. And then toward the end of the

section, this is what he says. So go ahead and put it up there now.

This is Matthew chapter 12, verse 34, speaking to the Pharisees,

Matthew 12:34

right as they were gossiping about him, he says, brood of vipers,

how can you speak good things when you are evil?

For the mouth speaks from the overflow of the heart.

A good man produces good things from his storeroom of good, and an evil man

produces evil things from his storeroom of evil.

I tell you that on the day And that's the point here, this is Gossip on Judgment Day.

How will this affect things on that day? Jesus says, I tell you that on the

day of judgment, people will have to account for every careless word they speak

for by your words, you will be acquitted.

And by your words, you will be condemned.

Uh-oh. So much for the theory that gossip is no big deal because it's just words.

It has something to do with judgment day. Now, I want to show you another passage

that I think is very helpful in understanding judgment day, and it's Romans chapter three.

In Romans chapter three, I guess I'll start reading in verse nine,

and then I'll just explain it as we go.

Romans chapter three, starting in verse nine, says this. It says,

What then are we any better?

Not at all. For we have previously charged that both Jews and Jews and Gentiles are under sin.

When the Bible uses this phrase, Jews and Gentiles, I think it's helpful for

us to realize that is the Bible's way of saying everybody, right?

Because that's what Gentile is. Gentile means not a Jewish person.

So if you take all the people that are Jewish, plus all the people that are

not Jewish and combine them, you have everybody. Everybody is under sin.

As it is written, this is the next verse, as it is written, there is no one

righteous, not even one. There is no one who understands.

There is no one who seeks God. All have turned away. All alike have become useless.

There is no one who does what is good, not even one, right? This is a passage

on the sinfulness of humanity, right? Everybody's bad.

Verse 13. Oh, this one, I want you to notice. I want you to notice in the next

couple of verses, um, how, as, as Paul is describing the sinfulness of humanity,

how much he focuses on the things we say, not just the things we do.

So after he says, there's no one good, not even one, he says,

their throat is an open grave.

He's talking about Jews and Gentiles, right? All humanity. Their throat is an

open grave. They deceive with their tongues.

Vipers venom is under their lips and their mouth is full of cursing and bitterness.

As he's describing the condition of humanity, that's what he goes with. Look at how we talk.

And then he goes on verse 14 or verse 15. Their feet are swift to shed blood.

Ruin and wretchedness are in their paths and the path of peace they have not

known. there is no fear of God before their eyes.

And so that section of Roman is actually a section, it's a bunch of verses from

the Old Testament that are being brought into the New Testament to describe

the sinfulness of humanity.

And then he applies all this to judgment day. Look at the next verse.

Now, we who know, sorry, we know that whatever the law says speaks to those

who are subject to the law, right?

Who is it that's supposed to obey God's law or God's rules? so that every mouth

may be shut and the whole world may become subject to God's judgment,

which is the point I'm trying to talk about here, right? What happens on judgment day?

The whole world will have their mouth shut and will become subject to God's

judgment. And then look what happens on that day, verse 20.

For no one will be justified in his sight by the works of the law because the

knowledge of sin comes through the law, right?

On judgment day, it's saying, this is what's going to happen.

There is not going to be a person who will be justified in God's sight.

The word justified means something along the lines of to be declared innocent

or to be declared righteous.

Like if there was a court case and the judge looks at the statute and he looks

at the person and he looks at the evidence and he goes, okay,

you didn't do anything wrong. Okay. You are innocent.

You are righteous. You obeyed all the rules, right? That's what justified is.

No one will be declared innocent.

No one will be declared righteous in God's sight on the day of God's judgment,

not by works of the law, not by, because they obeyed all the rules,

because knowledge of sin comes through the law.

The rules that God has given don't really help you obey the rules.

They just point out that you broke the rules and no one's going to be declared

innocent or righteous on that day.

So it seems to me that even if gossip were the only sin, then it's not.

There's like hundreds of others.

But even if gossip were the only sin, we would be doomed on judgment day if

left to our own righteousness, right?

When Jesus says we're going to have to count for every careless word we speak,

no one's going to be like, well, I didn't speak any of those, right?

If we are left to our own righteousness on judgment day, we are doomed. Everybody is.

Thankfully, the Bible does not end there. Let me read the next verse.

But now, apart from the law, God's righteousness has been revealed,

attested by the law and the prophets.

So it's saying, you're not going to have enough righteousness.

I'm not going to have enough righteousness.

However, there is a righteousness from God that is available.

You're going to see that as I continue to read.

There is a righteousness from God that is available. It is attested to in the

law and the prophets. That's a reference to the Old Testament. Okay.

Well, what is this righteousness and how can I get it? That is God's righteousness

through faith in Jesus Christ to all who believe.

Since there is no distinction for all have sinned and fall short of the glory of God.

They are justified, right? Anybody who is declared righteous or innocent,

they are justified freely by his grace through the redemption that is in Christ Jesus.

Justified freely, meaning not because they earned it by obeying all the rules,

but there was grace that was given to them. How?

Through the redemption that it is Christ Jesus. Jesus Christ lived the righteous

life that you and I should live. He did not gossip.

He did not do anything wrong ever and then died.

People who've never done anything wrong are not supposed to die.

They don't deserve that.

Jesus took on a death for the sins of the world. Your sins, my sins,

our gossips and all of the other hundreds of sins.

Jesus took those things into himself like absorbing the wrath of God in our

place so that God's righteousness could be given to us freely in Jesus Christ through faith in him.

So what do you do with gossip? Especially I'm talking about in the long term

on judgment day, what do you do with gossip?

You turn from it and you turn to Jesus for his forgiveness and his righteousness.

And that is your only shot for a good outcome on judgment day.

Okay, now for the third section of this sermon, and that is gossip on Monday.

Let's say you're here this morning and you already believe that gossip is a

sin and you already trust in Jesus Christ as your salvation from sins.

Well, how then should we live? How can we on Monday live the life of our King Jesus?

How can we live the values of his kingdom and reject the trappings of our old life?

And particularly, how do I do that with the topic of gossip?

And so I made a list of 10 questions to ask yourself. I hope that it is helpful.

This is a list of 10 questions in order to deal with this like on a practical

level, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, how can I know?

Like these are questions for you to ask about the occasions when you speak about

someone when they're not around.

So I hope they're helpful to you. We'll start with number one. Is it negative?

This is a question you can ask yourself, the information I'm giving,

the story that I'm telling, is it negative about the person?

Okay? I think that's a good place to start. Now, notice, I'm about to give you a whole list.

I don't think there's any one question that you can ask that that's the thing

that's going to determine whether it's gossip or not.

Okay? Because it's not true that anytime you say something negative,

that it's gossip. That's not true. Okay?

I'm just saying, if it's positive, it probably is not gossip.

And you can, like, take those and throw them off the shelf of things you're considering, right?

Like, I don't ever hear anybody, like, nobody goes around saying,

like, oh, he gossiped all these nice things about me, right?

When the Bible warns about whispering, I don't think it's whispering kind things

and encouraging things about people, right?

So if it's positive, you don't even have to like worry about it for the most

part, but is it negative?

Okay. So that's the first question. Here's the next question.

Is it false? Okay. Is it false?

Telling a false story in order to defame someone is usually called slander in modern English.

I don't think the Bible always uses the word slander that way,

but in modern English, slander is the word that's used for, I know that this

is not true and it's negative. I'm going to share it about someone.

And one of the reasons that that is wrong is because lying is wrong.

Christians are not supposed to lie. You're not supposed to lie to their face.

You're not supposed to lie behind their back. All right. So is it false is a good question to ask.

For most of you, I think the next question is going to be even better to ask. Is it unverified?

Okay. Is it something that is maybe a better word might be, is it questionable?

Okay. Is the thing that I'm passing along, because a lot of times we don't pass

along something we know is false.

I mean, sometimes we do. People do lie. I don't want to act like that's not a thing.

People lie, but it seems to me, and I'm just guessing for most of you in this

room, the temptation maybe isn't to share the false stories,

but it is to share half a story.

I've heard one side of the story and I don't know exactly if it's true,

right? I mean, she said she was at the party and that this is what happened.

Now, did I go and ask him about it? Well, no, but that's what I heard, right?

And so we have one side of a story and we don't really verify it,

and we just start spreading it.

Does this happen? I mean, sometimes we even say like, hey, I don't know if this

is true, but this is what I heard, right?

You know, it's like, oh, you don't know it's true, well then tell me, right?

But if it's not, if you don't know it's true, you probably shouldn't be saying

it. And one of the reasons for that is Proverbs 18, 17.

It's not going to come up on the screen, but we've talked about it already in

this series. I hope that you're familiar with it.

Proverbs 18, 17 says, the first to state his case seems right until another

comes and cross-examines him.

Do you remember that? It was like five sermons ago or so.

The first to state his case seems right until another comes and cross-examines him.

So we've already talked about that verse. I won't talk it twice.

The principle in that verse, the first to state his case seems right until another

comes and cross-examines him.

I think it's foundational to our legal system in this country because the idea

is the first person to talk, the first person to make an accusation,

well, they always seem right because that's the only information you have, right?

They say this and this and this happened. Well, if you don't know anything to

contradict that, then that sounds right.

Whoever they say is the villain in the story seems to be the villain in the

story. What else do you know?

And then you go and you cross-examine them and you ask some questions and you

find out more and you talk to the other side and you get the other side of the story.

And sometimes you go, oh, this thing that seems so black and white is actually

so much more complex than I thought.

Sometimes the person who's the villain in the original story turns out to be

the hero of the story when you get the other side. Have you ever seen that?

So passing along half a story, right?

Unverified, passing along half a story, basically what you're doing in those

moments typically is you're spreading a half-truth.

And in my experience, half-truths are closer to lies than they are to the truth.

Right? I mean, you would think that's not how it works. Like on a spectrum of

true to false, you would think half truth is like right in the middle, okay?

But in my experience, the effect

that a half truth has is typically the similar effect to what a lie has.

All right, so next question. Is it true? Okay, is it negative?

Is it false? Is it unverified? Is it true?

This is important. It's important as we're talking about things and relaying

information that we are relaying true information.

So ideally, you want the answer to this question to be yes, Okay.

This is important because as Christians, we want to be truth tellers.

So it's important to ask, is it true?

However, if you notice, I'm giving you a list of 10 questions, not just one. Okay.

In other words, just asking the question, is it true, is not enough to decide

whether you should say it or not. Okay.

You can say true things for the purpose of harming people, right?

So sometimes something, I believe something can be true and it's still gossip.

I'm going to read you a quote. This is from Tim Keller. He was a pastor in Manhattan.

He wrote a devotional in the book of Proverbs. And I just wanted to read to

you one paragraph out of his devotional.

He says this, he says, to be gossip, a statement does not have to be false.

Proverbs 11, 13 speaks of true information about someone that should have been kept in confidence.

Gossip then is negative information that may or may not be true,

designed to make the speaker and the hearer feel superior to the object of the gossip.

James 4.11 says, brothers and sisters do not slander one another.

The verb slander here, and he's talking about the Greek that the word slander

comes from, the word slander here simply means to speak against.

It's not necessarily a false report, It's just an against report,

one that undermines the listener's respect and love for the person being spoken about.

All right. The next question is, is it forgiven? So, is it negative?

Is it false? Is it unverified? Is it true?

The thing I'm talking about, is it something that's been forgiven?

Oh, this is a big one. Have you ever said, I forgive you to someone,

giving them the impression that you had pardoned them, that you had canceled

their debt, and then you went around speaking bad about them as if you had not

really canceled your debt, or you had not really canceled their debt,

right? You said, I forgive you, right?

So, you give this, it's like it never happened, except that I'm going to keep

telling everybody it happened, right?

So, I would say this, while this is not always the case, it seems to me in general,

something that is implied in forgiveness is I won't be bringing this up anymore, right?

I mean, there might be exceptions for particular situations,

but generally speaking, I forgive you means I'm not going to be bringing this up anymore, right?

I'm going to treat you like you did not do it. That's typically how forgiveness works.

So a good question to ask when we're telling information about someone, is this forgiven?

All right. Question number six, is it helpful? Is the story that I'm telling,

is it being told because I'm trying to help the person or I'm trying to harm the person?

Because you could speak negative information about someone while they're not

around and it could be for the purpose of helping them, right?

Doesn't that happen sometimes?

Have you ever heard of, let's imagine there's a family and there's one person

in the family who is addicted to drugs.

Let's make it, she's addicted to prescription pain

pills and everybody in the family has become aware of

it and they've seen instances of it and it's become a problem and

they've talked to her about it one-on-one and now it's starting

to come up where they talk about it and she's not even there and they're like oh did you

yeah yeah i noticed that too just before she went to work blah blah blah and

then the family starts to talk about it and they say why don't we she hasn't

taken us seriously individually but what if we sit her down all at the same

time and talk with her about it in fact she's gonna say well i can't go to rehab

because i can't take time off work what if we like gather up enough money amongst

ourselves and we sit her down all at the same time and we We say,

we've got enough money so that you don't have to worry about it,

but we really think you need to get help and you need to go to rehab.

That conversation I'm describing is called a what?

An intervention. All right. So here's the thing. Is that gossip?

I mean, that's people talking negatively about someone when they're not around. Is that gossip?

No, because it's not to harm the person. The whole point of that conversation is to help the person.

There are times that the Bible requires us to expose sin in certain cases.

And that's not gossip. That's just obeying the Bible.

Matthew 18 is a really good example of this. Matthew 18,

is a verse that has come up, oh, I don't know, probably three or four times in this series.

And it's the verse where Jesus said, if somebody sins against you,

rebuke him in private. Remember that?

Okay. Somebody sins against you, rebuke him in private. First of all,

that first part of the verse is pretty anti-gossip, right?

Somebody sins against you and you go talk to them just between the two of you,

right? So it's not a gossip thing.

But what's interesting is, do you remember what the next verse is after that

one? It says, if they don't listen to you, you're supposed to do what?

Bring one or two others along. Well, how could you possibly bring one or two

others along if you can't ever say anything negative about someone when they're not around.

What are those people even showing up for if you can't say? And then the verse

after that was, and then if they don't listen to them, tell it to the church. Remember that?

So there are times where Jesus has commanded us to do things.

And so, yeah, there are certain cases where it's certainly not gossip.

It's what Jesus said to do in that instance.

Okay. So a good question to ask is, is it helpful? Am I trying to help? Am I trying to harm?

Question number seven is what is my motive? Okay. What's my motive in this.

And maybe this is just another way to say the question before it,

or maybe it's a more general way, but I think this is worth phrasing it this way.

What is my motive? Why am I saying the thing that I'm saying?

Matt Mitchell is a pastor in Pennsylvania and he wrote a book on gossip.

And he says this, this is something I got from a blog post of his.

He says, certainly there are

times when we can and even must speak about people who are not present.

You are not being a gossip when you call the police about a crime you witness,

when you earnestly seek counsel on how to relate to someone in your life,

or when you carefully warn someone else about a dangerous person.

The presence of gossip depends in large measure on how you talk about people

who are not present and why you talk about them.

Isn't that helpful? All right, number eight.

Would I say this if the person was standing here? I think this is a good question.

This doesn't always, because there's some of us, there's a lot of things I'd

say when someone's standing there and it might still be a sin,

but for a lot of us, this is a helpful thing, right? Would I say this if the

person were standing here?

I think this question kind of goes back to the idea of that concept of gossiping a whisperer.

Like sometimes we whisper so that the person we're talking about can't hear

and can't defend themselves against the accusation.

So would I say this if the person was standing here?

Uh, number nine, can I tell the story and leave the person's name out?

Okay. This one, I just thought this one's helpful for me. I do it all the time.

I'm assuming some of you probably do this.

Sometimes you have to recount something that happened in your life historically.

Like this is a thing that happened back in 2012, but in order to say what happened,

you would have to reveal that somebody did something wrong. Okay.

So for, for certain situations, when you have to be able to say a thing that

happened and if the goal is not to harm anybody, can you leave the person's

name out. A lot of times I'm able to do this.

In fact, I do it in sermons all the time. I'll tell stories and I won't say

who the person's name was. Some of you might do the same thing where you're

in a situation, I'll just, I'll make up one.

Let's say you're with your, I don't know, business partner and you and your

business partner, the business partner says, hey, I need you to sign this contract just real quick.

You know, will you sign this so I can do da, da, da. And you go,

well, no, no, I can't sign it real quick. I need to read the whole thing.

And they go, come on, come on, just please sign it. And you go,

no, no, I'm not because, and then just imagine the person says, I did that once before.

One time I signed a document. I didn't really read it. I didn't look in the fine print.

And the people who had drafted up the lease, I didn't realize that they had

bad intentions. And they swindled me out of thousands of dollars.

And so I will not be doing that again.

Well, what is that situation? That's someone explaining, well,

the reason I'm doing this right now is because of this thing that happened in

the past. Is that person gossiping?

No, they didn't even mention the name of the swindler, right?

They're just telling the story.

So, I mean, sometimes we have to tell a story. We're not trying to attack anyone

in particular. A lot of times you can make it less gossipy by leaving a person's name out, okay?

Now, if you hear that and you go, well, wait, no, I can't leave their name out,

Mario. That would defeat the purpose. I'm trying to destroy their reputation.

Well, yes, that's the point of this question, to get that out, okay?

All right, final question. Question 10. Is this how I'd want to be talked about?

Is this how I'd want to be talked about when I'm not around?

Jesus said in Luke chapter 6, verse 31,

Luke 6:31

I mentioned earlier, when you imagine something being done to you,

it's often easier to evaluate it.

And so I'm gonna tell you a story of one time where I participated in gossip.

I heard the gossip. It was unverified information.

I just believed it. I did not verify it. And then I passed it on and talked

with other people and acted upon it, okay?

And it was not obvious to me that that was wrong until it was done back to me. So here's the story.

Once upon a time, back when I was in my 20s, this was just before I got married.

I believe it was like two months before the wedding.

So Heidi and I were engaged, right? And so Heidi's my fiance.

Say, we're going to get married in a couple months.

And at that point in our life, there was this lady at church that everybody was talking bad about.

Okay. I mean, not everybody, but our, like in our circle, like we heard all

these bad things about this particular woman.

And so, because we heard that, we were like, well, she must be evil.

You know what I mean? She said she's evil and he said she's evil.

And I guess she's evil. We did not go and check.

We did not go talk to her about it. Like we just heard it and believed what

we were told. Okay. Evil lady, we'll watch out for her.

Okay. So did not verify it with her. Did not check into it. just believed it,

shared it with each other, which is gossip. I was sharing unverified information.

Yeah, she's bad. Oh yeah, I heard she's bad too. Yeah, yeah,

they all said it. I know they all said it. She must be bad.

So then, now we're at this moment, about two months before our wedding,

I was at Heidi's place of work and a phone call came in for her from evil lady, okay?

The receptionist answered the phone and then, you know, did the little intercom

thing and said, hey, there's a phone, there's a call for you,

Heidi, online too, and it's so-and-so. It said the person's name.

So if I remember right, I think Heidi was like, oh, what do I do?

You know, bad lady's calling me. What am I supposed to do? And I was standing

there and I was like, let me take care of it.

And I picked up the phone and I basically told her, don't talk to my fiance

anymore. Like we are done with you. Don't, don't call.

In fact, I think the way that I ended the phone call pretty close to the end,

I said something like, Hey, if we will call you, if we want to talk,

don't call us, we'll call you.

Okay. And I hung up and I didn't think I was doing anything wrong.

It did not dawn on me that I was doing anything wrong. In fact,

I think if I remember correctly, I think I left Heidi's place of work that day

thinking, I'm going to be such a good husband.

I am already protecting her from evildoers. I'm not even married to her yet.

I'm going to be so good at this.

And it did not dawn on me that that was wrong until years later, several years went by.

And then someone did it to me, the exact same thing, heard half a story about

me and just cut me off, like lobbed one little final accusation.

So I knew that they were upset at me, texted me this like kind of mean thing.

And then wouldn't, wouldn't respond to any of my texts, wouldn't respond to

any of my emails, wouldn't, uh, you know, wouldn't take my phone calls,

just heard half of a story, explain that part, and then just cut me out of their life.

And it bothered me so much. It hurts so bad, you know? And I was like, that is so wrong.

It's so wrong that they're doing that to me. And then at some point it dawned

on me, the thing that they're doing to me that I am a hundred percent sure is

wrong is the exact same thing I did to that lady years ago.

And so it dawned on me, well, if it's wrong right now, and I am sure it's wrong

right now, it must've been wrong then.

And so I found her on Facebook and I sent a message to her on Facebook and explained the whole thing.

Hey, I did this thing to you years ago. It was just done to me.

That's what made me realize it was wrong when I did it to you.

I am so sorry. You know, will you forgive me?

And she did. She forgave me over Facebook. Like something good happened on Facebook.

So in summary, gossip is a sin of secretive words being revealed to harm people.

When it comes to our relationship to God, our careless words condemn us.

They must be repented of and forgiven through faith in Jesus Christ.

And then practically speaking, you can ask yourself questions to help you determine

what you should say and what you shouldn't say as you live out the values of

Jesus's kingdom. Let's pray.

Lord, we thank you for your word. Maybe there are some relationships that need

to be healed or apology or forgiveness or some sort of meeting or some sort

of Facebook message or something.

It may be more than just me. Like there may be other people in this room that

there's a thing that ought to happen. And I pray if it ought to happen, that it would.

And pray that you would work in us for your good and your will and your peace in our lives.

We come before you as a people acknowledging this is a sin. Like,

I mean, almost certainly every single one of us has committed many times.

And so we ask for your forgiveness.

We want to be people who repent of it. And we especially thank you.

Like we are aware, Jesus, you said, we're condemned by our words.

Like if you don't forgive us, there's nothing we can do to be acquitted.

And so Jesus, we thank you for dying on the cross for our sins.

We thank you that there is a righteousness that is available that is not our own.

We thank you that is available through faith in Jesus Christ.

And so for those of us who are Christians here on behalf of them,

we just, we thank you for forgiveness of the sin of gossip. And I pray you'd help us to turn from it.

And for those of us who are in this room, who do not yet know you,

I pray that you would forgive us of our sin of gossip.

I pray that the people in this room who do not know you would turn to you in

faith and be cleansed of all unrighteousness and live a new life in you.

In Jesus' name we pray. Amen. Let me end with these good words from God's word.

This is from 1 John 4, starting in verse 7.

Dear friends, let us love one another because love is from God and everyone

who loves has been born of God and knows God.

And the one who does not love does not know God because God is love.

God's love was revealed among us in this way, God sent his one and only son

into the world so that we might live through him.

Love consists in this, not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent

his son to be the propitiation for our sins.

Dear friends, if God loved us in this way, we must also love one another. That is good news.