Problem #3: Porn Instead of Sex

Good morning. My name's Doug. I'm one of the pastors here.

We are going to continue our series, Modern American Problems.

We have come to part three, Porn Over Sex.

What a great day to be at Good News.

Not only is it Baptism Sunday, not only is it Talk Sunday, it is also Porn Sunday. I.

You braved the weather, it's cold and rainy, and look it, everyone is here.

This is good. In case you came in late and you missed the warning disclaimer,

perhaps you need to pick up your shock jaw off the ground that today is Porn Sunday.

If you are concerned about children,

again, let me say, if they're here in attendance, I understand that.

You can quickly leave. You could quickly go check them into KidZone.

All of those things are options. I do want to say, maybe this will be helpful.

My intentions are not to be X-rated, but maybe more like PG-rated, possibly PG-13 rated.

And personally, if I had younger children here today, this morning,

nothing that I would say what I feel is inappropriate from my perspective.

I do understand that all parenting has a lot of different perspectives to that.

So no offense, no judgment. And I hope from no one else here,

if you think you need to step out.

So on that note, it, I say you've got 10 seconds.

Three, two, one, good. Okay, two clarifications just in case anyone might be wondering.

As I stated, I am one of the associate pastors here at Good News.

As a matter of fact, it's hard to believe that in two weeks,

it will make five years of being on staff at Good News. Wow.

I'll take that clap. It's like, oh, it's been a good thing. I think it's been

a really good thing. That's my perspective, and I hope it is that way as well.

But clarification number one is this.

For those of you who are visiting or recently been coming to Good News,

in my nearly five years here, there have been way more baptism Sundays than porn Sundays.

Like, I want to make that known, like, that hopefully that, oh,

yeah, okay, I can keep coming back.

That'll move the needle a little bit. I can keep coming here to Good News. I hope that happens.

And clarification number two, and this is for everyone.

And I was actually even asked this this morning. Sometimes a topic like this

comes along, porn over sex, and some people think, boy, the senior pastor really

gave it to the associate guy.

I mean, porn on a Sunday morning? Ooh, that's rough.

Clarification, that is not true. So truth is, Mario showed Daniel and I these

eight topics that should be coming up here now.

Look at that. And we are right here.

Problem three, porn instead of sex.

And he let us choose the topics that we wanted to talk about.

He gave us first dibs on what to talk about.

So you may think I am crazy, but I picked porn over sex.

Mario has preached on sex topics a lot, plenty of throughout the years,

but I have never taught on about it here.

And so this is a first, I'm excited about it, but I do definitely want to make it clear.

No one needs to throw Mario under the bus about this. That's not true.

All right. The Bible has a lot to say about it. Before we get to the Bible, there's an analogy.

It's pretty, I think it's a long been used analogy that I wanna start with, and it says this.

Sex is a little bit like driving a car.

Most people, not everyone, but most people will eventually drive a car.

To drive a car, legally, you need a license.

And there are rules to follow. Like once you get your license,

you just can't drive any way you want, however you want, despite what it looks

like out there by on top of the road on Highway 200.

Those people are crazy. But you've got to follow traffic signs.

You have to stay in your lane. You have to obey the speed limit. And here's the thing.

These rules aren't made up to keep you from enjoying the car,

they're kept they're there so that you can be safe you can drive safely because

if you don't know how to handle the car if you don't follow the rules of the

road you're going to get hurt,

and you're going to hurt other people the rules are for your good and for the good of everyone else.

And this is how the Bible talks about sex.

Sex and porn are addressed in the Bible. It's not a subject to be ignored,

and it is 1,000% an American problem.

It easily makes it to this list in this series.

And we want to be a church that talks about the things that matter in everyday lives.

Because the everyday matters of our lives have an impact on our eternal lives.

And that includes talking about sex and porn.

So here we go. If you need to get that last one, last uncomfortable squirm in your chair, do it now.

Let's start with addressing sex. it is very, very important to understand that

God is the creator of sex.

Sex is God's idea. Sex is God's design.

He says sex is good. He says sex is beautiful. And he has big, big, big plans for sex.

Guess what? If you have sexual desires, thank God for that.

It's from him. He is the one. Just remember, like driving a car,

there are rules to follow, but he is the designer.

He's the one who gives sexual desires. Pastor, I'm not sure God really gives

sexual desires and they're good. Like, do you have a verse about that?

Better than that. I got a whole book for you. The book of Song of Solomon.

It is slammed full of good sexual desires. Check it out.

But sure, if you want a verse, I can give you one. Proverbs 5, 18 and 19.

Take pleasure in the wife of your youth. Let her breasts always satisfy you.

Like there are some serious advantages to taking the Bible literally.

I don't know if you need to make it like your life verse or anything,

but there it is. There it is.

God is all for sex.

That's the first thing you need to know. And at the same time,

it is equally important to know, Satan, enemy number one to God,

takes God's creation, he takes his ideas, takes his plans, and he distorts them.

And here's why. Satan is not a creator. He is not an originator. He is not a designer.

He is a manipulator. He is a perverter of God's designs and plans.

And he aims to kill, steal, and destroy God's prized creation, people.

So what God calls pure, beautiful, and good, Satan is all about making impure, ugly, and twisted.

And even though Satan's plan is flawed, it's not going to be successful in the

end, plenty of verses in the Bible that confirm that Satan is going to lose, and he is a loser.

However, as an enemy of God, it doesn't stop his desire to mislead and to destroy

as many people as possible for as long as possible.

And no one, no one is exempt from his attack.

So here is God's big, beautiful plan for sex.

God's plan for sex is for sex only to happen in marriage relationships and for

sex to create unity, to create pleasure, and to create kids.

That's his plan. God rolls out this plan for sex, and he reveals it in the very

first book of the Bible, Genesis. Genesis 2.24.

Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife,

and they shall become one flesh.

Get this, on the very first page of the Bible, God creates everything.

And on the second page of the Bible, God talks about sex.

And God is thinking futuristic here. Here in Genesis, Adam, the first man, he was created by God.

He didn't have a father or mother to leave. He had no parents.

He was never a baby, never a toddler, never an adolescent.

He was created as a mature man.

And Eve, the first woman, was created as a mature woman by God from a rib in Adam.

God's futuristic thinking plan would be this, and it still is, that a male,

a man, would leave his parents and Mary be joined to a woman,

a female, and they would be joined to his wife, and they shall be one flesh.

In other words, a man shall leave his dad and mom and have sex with his wife.

That's God's plan. That's what the word joined means.

In case you don't think so, look at 1 Corinthians 6. Paul is teaching and he

says this, 1 Corinthians 6, 16.

Don't you know that anyone, what?

Joined, whoa, that was like two people. Anyone, what? Joined to a prostitute is one body with her.

For scripture says the two will become one flesh. Paul is quoting Genesis.

This isn't talking about getting married. No one is marrying the prostitute

in this verse. this is talking about having sex.

God's design is for sex to happen and only happen in marriage.

Now, how is this stacking up in our culture?

If that's God's design for sex, what do you think Satan's strategy for sex will be?

To use sex in a way that ruins sex. to use it in a way that ruins marriages.

Satan is using the very thing that God calls good, sex, to twist it,

to manipulate it, and to pervert it.

Satan's plans include to exposing people to sex before they are married with

the hopes of ruining people and with the hopes that any future marriage potentially

down the road would be ruined with bringing tons of baggage into the marriage.

That's the opposite of God's plan. God wants people to be virgins when they get married.

Satan's plans include deceiving married people to have sex outside of their

marriage with the hopes of destroying that marriage, including divorce.

Like, am I telling you anything that you don't already know when I am telling

you that infidelity and extramarital affairs are at the top of the list in marriages causing divorce?

Now, Satan doesn't get all the blame for this because humans look at God's plan

for sex like some look at driving a car.

And they have that attitude of, I'm gonna drive this baby any way I want.

I'm gonna make my own rules. God's rules are too restrictive.

You can ignore God's rules, believing that they know better than God when it

comes to sex. And that's a problem.

Sex is god's design all and all sex as god designed it requires a license and

it's called being married and it goes down a one-way road one man and one woman

married together god's plan,

now let's address porn.

Not only does the Bible talk a lot about sex, it talks a lot about porn.

The Bible's definition of porn is a much broader definition than what we use today.

Porn today heavily emphasizes sexual arousal, sexual excitement,

sexual pleasure, sexual stimulation, sexual behavior, sexual activities,

using magazines, books, writings, films, and movies, all involving naked people and sexual acts.

That's how porn is defined today.

50 years ago, it maybe had more

of a feel of pornography because it only became in books and magazines.

As a matter of fact, that was my first exposure to porn, was through a magazine.

As a boy growing up, it seemed to be that way back then that you would either

stumble across some hidden magazine somewhere or you had a friend who knew where

his dad's hidden magazines were.

That was the situation for me. I was at a friend's house and he said, check this out.

That was my first exposure to porn. But if we keep backing up further and further

to the Bible's definition of porn, it's a much broader definition.

I'm not going to look at all of these passages, but in case you want to take

some notes and write down, let me check this out about porn,

here are some references for you.

Romans 1.24, Galatians 5.19-21.

Ephesians 5.3, Colossians 3.5. Am I going too fast?

Galatians 5.19-21. Ephesians 5.3, just abbreviate.

Colossians 3.5, Hebrews 13.4, 1 Thessalonians 4.3-5.

All of these things, all these passages nearly say the same thing over and over and over about porn.

But what I want to show you this morning is in 1 Corinthians 6, 9 and 10.

It says, don't you know that the unrighteousness will not inherit God's kingdom?

Let me stop here to just quickly point out, everyone starts out in this unrighteous category.

Like no one starts in the righteous category.

Only through Jesus can a person go from unrighteous to righteous.

We're gonna get to that later. But here's the verse.

So don't you know that the unrighteous will not inherit God's kingdom? Do not be deceived.

No sexually immoral people, idolaters, adulterers, or anyone practicing homosexuality,

no thieves, greedy people, drunkards, verbally abusive people,

or swindlers will inherit God's kingdom.

It's not the kind of list you want to be on. That's clear.

But do you see the very first group of people listed, the sexually immoral people?

This word is translated from the Greek, pornea. It is the word porn in the Bible.

According to the Bible, any type of sexual expression outside of the boundaries

of a biblically defined marriage, which we already read from Genesis,

which was a man shall leave his father and mother and shall be joined to his

wife, shall have sex with his wife, and there'll be one flesh.

Any sexual expression outside of that is what the Bible calls porn, sexually immoral.

So sex before marriage, or what the Bible calls fornication,

sexual immorality, infidelity, sexual immorality.

A man having sex with a man, a woman having sex with a woman,

a person having sex with an animal.

All examples of sexual immorality and all of these fall into the broad definition of porn.

Now, when you add it all up, fornication, idolatry, homosexuality,

bestialogy, America has a gigantic porn problem.

And America's porn problem has created a pornographic society.

Do I need to convince you of that? Do we see it?

It's in our stores, our TV shows, commercials, movies, sports,

billboards, songs, magazines, YouTube, on your computer, your phone,

at the beach, at the mall, walking down your neighborhood street road.

Practically everything we see, everywhere we go, it gives off a sexual, pornographic vibe.

And here's the question for the church.

Could it be that our understanding and our desire to live according to God's

high standards of sex have been drowned out by the culture that we have become

indoctrinated by its ways?

Could it be that though our eyes are wide open, culture has made us immune towards sexual immorality?

Sure, sex sins have always been a thing.

It would be easy to go through history and trace back through history,

and we would find, yep, yep, it's always been a problem. We should get that.

Sex, sin is not a new thing. And yes, reading the Bible, it easily confirms

that porn has been a problem in the church since the get-go.

It does look different because of technology, but to shrug our shoulders with

an attitude of complacency, well, I guess there's really nothing I can do about it.

People it's a problem it's a growing problem.

I don't want to bore you with some stats, but I'm going to give you some.

According to the latest research,

numbers, these numbers say for every four seats this morning that a man is sitting in a chair,

three watch porn one time a month, at least one time a month.

67 percent of pastors in this report.

Indicate that they have a history of watching porn and continue to struggle

with it i will go on record and say any man check me often and let me do the same for you,

Ten years ago, 15% of women who said they were Christians were reportedly regularly watching porn.

That number has jumped to 40% today, which is just slightly below the national average of 44%.

These numbers suggest that not only has the church, the Christians,

become comfortable with sexual

immorality and porn, but that she is participating right along with it.

Why is that? And how does it get fixed? Why is porn use so prominent?

Why do so many live this way? And how can it be stopped?

Thinking through that this week and at other times as well, man,

there are so many explanations as to why it's so prominent.

Sometimes the explanations are going to vary depending on the person.

Some people are single, some are married. there are going to be a lot of different

factors as to why people are caught up in porn.

None bigger than porn gives false expectations.

Porn deceives, porn lies, porn is fantasy and not reality.

For example, porn gives false expectations of what the body should look like.

Spending extended time in front of a screen looking at porn bodies creates false expectations,

the single person who does this they look at these porn bodies and then they

set expectations for what is what a future spouse is to look like married people

compare what they see on the screen and they become dissatisfied with the looks

and the physique of their spouse compared to what they see in the video.

So really what happens, porn induces lust.

The definition defines lust as this, an intense sexual craving.

Lust is all about pleasing yourself.

Jesus has something to say about lust. Matthew 5, 27, you have heard that it

was said, Jesus is talking, do not commit adultery.

But I tell you, everyone who looks at a woman to lust for her has already committed

adultery with her in his heart.

So looking at a woman lustfully is committing adultery.

Of course, the principle applies in reverse for women. If a woman were to lust

after a man, she commits adultery in her mind as well.

If you are married, watching porn is cheating on your wife.

If you are married, watching porn is cheating on your husband.

If you are single watching porn is

fornicating well just how serious

does jesus take lust verse 29 if

your right eye causes you to sin gouge it

out and throw it away for it is better that you lose one of the parts of your

body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell and if your right hand

causes you to sin cut it off and throw it away for it is better that you lose

one of the parts of your body,

then your whole body go to hell.

Sounds like Jesus does not have a nonchalant attitude when it comes to lust and porn.

And so we say, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Jesus is telling us to mutilate our body?

No, that is not the point. The point Jesus is making here, make whatever sacrifices

are needed to follow Jesus.

Because porn and lust take people to hell.

Jesus is not complacent about this.

Another false expectation of porn. It's not normal sex. It's a movie.

You do know movies aren't real. I'll take you way, way back. The Lone Ranger.

The man is riding his horse silver at 1,000 miles per hour, hanging off the

side of his horse, whips out that pistol, hanging to the side,

and in one shot, knocks the bad guy's gun right out of his hand.

And here I am at the shooting range. No wind, good stance.

Bang, bang. Look at the target, and I'm all over the place.

Come on, Arnold Schwarzenegger, two shots in the trunk of the car and the whole thing blows up.

It's not real. Porn movies, they're not real.

Tactfully, let me say, what you spend minutes doing compared to hours watching

will not match because what you're watching is not real.

Hebrews 13, 4. Marriage must be respected by all and the marriage bed kept undefiled,

because God will judge immoral people and adulterers.

It is a lie, lie, lie for a spouse to say we need porn in our marriage to make

it more exciting and more creative.

That is not what God says. he says sexual intimacy shared between a husband

and wife is reserved for that couple alone,

porn brings strangers into the bedroom you would not ask your neighbors to come over and watch.

God has given you all the brain power you need in your marriage to have sex,

including how you have sex.

No one needs porn to figure that out.

And let me say this. If a married couple disagrees on how to have sex,

they should only have sex where both parties agree.

And here's why. It's another false expectation of porn.

Porn gives the expectation that getting is better than giving.

That's not how marriage works. That's not how love works. That's not how sex works.

It's the opposite of love. 1 Corinthians 13, 4 and 5.

Love is patient. Love is kind. Love does not envy.

It is not boastful. It's not conceited. Does not act improperly. is not selfish.

Love is not self-seeking, but porn is all about getting and getting and taking and taking.

One last false explanation on my list for this morning. False expectation.

Porn is free. It might be on the internet, but porn is not free.

Porn has a price to pay. The porn watcher pays a price. The porn watcher's spouse pays a price.

The porn watcher's to-be spouse pays a price.

The porn watcher's children pay a price.

The porn watcher's community pays a price.

Not to mention the 80% of reported human trafficking survivors who state that

while they were there in captivity,

they were forced to have sex connected to making pornography while they are in hostages.

That's repulsive.

The cost of porn is becoming more and more seen in our culture.

Porn is now linked to people in the age group of 18 to 35 years old,

young, healthy people with extremely high levels of anxiety,

depression, and erectile dysfunction.

Who knew that was said on a Sunday morning?

But it's hard to laugh because it's sad.

Other medical studies suggest even a person's brain, the gray matter part of

the brain, which controls decision-making and memory,

are lessening, and it's linked because of porn use. Oh, porn is expensive.

There is a price to pay physically, mentally, emotionally, spiritually. Porn is not free.

Okay, so what do we do? How do you stop?

I got to believe it's a question that gets asked a lot, including within this room.

There is a solution. I mean, I've been battling this.

I'm addicted to porn. I struggle with porn. I lust after women.

I lust after men. I have sex outside of marriage.

First thing I want to say, you're not alone.

Again, I'm going to reference back to the men. Count the men in the chairs.

If the Barner report is right, for every four chairs with a man sitting in it,

suggest that three are living in sexual immorality.

For the ladies, it's almost every two of four chairs being sat in this morning.

It's not an alone problem. But what you can't do is do what many try to do.

You can't justify your actions.

You can't reason, well, the Bible is old.

Times have changed. What was wrong back then? It's not wrong anymore.

Well, that's funny because we have problems like lying, stealing,

and murder still wrong, all still considered to be wrong, and they're on that same list.

But, oh, take sexual immorality, we want to pull that off and say it's okay. It's not okay.

We love each other, and in God's eyes, we are married.

How absurd is it to think? God who designed marriage for sex to be only in marriage

would be okay with people not married, not making a covenant before God and having sex.

God's character doesn't change with culture's opinions. Right?

And no one, absolutely no one should try to justify and think,

I can live a sexually immoral life, I can live a porn lifestyle life,

and I can still be good with God.

1 John 2, 3, and 4. This is how we are sure that we have come to know him,

by keeping his commandments.

The one who says, I have come to know him, yet does not keep his commandments,

is a liar and the truth is not in him.

Or Proverbs 28, 9. anyone who hears, anyone who turns his ear away from hearing

the law, even his prayer is detestable.

Detestable to who? To God. We fool ourselves when we think that we can choose

sin and that God does not care.

So you can't justify your actions. Instead, here's what you do.

First, if you are not trusting Jesus as your Savior,

you have not confessed your sins like porn, you need to ask for forgiveness

and trust that when Jesus died on the cross, he died for you and your sins.

Like he needs to be the boss of your life.

Because ultimately, unless a person is a Christian, there is never really any true victory over sin.

But as a Christian, there is real Holy Spirit power. there's real Holy Spirit

help to overcome sin like porn.

So I would say the first step.

Ask God to be your savior. Ask Jesus to be your Lord.

Repent. And then here's what you do next. And here's what Christians do.

You confess your sins to God. Sort of the same way when you became a Christian.

God, I confess what you already know.

I lust. I have sex not as you designed, whether it is physical or mental in

my mind. I confess my sin to you.

1 John 1, 9.

If we confess our sins, he is faithful and righteous to forgive us of our sins

and to cleanse us from how much unrighteousness? All.

Is porn included in all? Yes.

Now we are headed in the right direction. But let me say, you will always probably come back to this.

Confessing is a part of a Christian's life.

So what happens next more confessing james 5 16 therefore confess your sins

to one another and pray for one another so that you may be healed confess your sins to another person.

I don't see any way around this, but I think if porn, if sexual immorality is

a problem within a marriage, married people need to confess to their spouse.

I don't see any other way around that.

It can be a challenge, certainly challenge for a spouse that maybe for the first time hears this.

But praying for them, it's the godly thing to do. And the godly thing to do

is always the right thing to do.

Single people, confess to someone you trust. Have them pray for you.

Pray what? Pray for complete healing.

Next, identify the areas, identify

what eyes need to be gouged out and what hands need to be cut off.

I mean, identify your weak areas, your trouble areas, your trigger areas, and get rid of them.

Some of you will have to decide, is the person that you are living with but

not married to more important than Jesus?

Move out. Plan getting married. Stop having sex.

Maybe you should get married today. Like, what's keeping you from doing that?

What's keeping you from honoring God and doing that?

Some of you need to decide if a laptop is more valuable than following Jesus.

It's a phone, it's a job, it's social media.

Gouge it out, cut it off.

Get rid of the weak, vulnerable points.

I think I have said in many personal conversations and certainly from this stage,

I am not a social media guy.

Perhaps I have never said why I am not a social media guy. I can't.

It's too tempting for me. It's a gouged eye that I have to remove and better

to follow Jesus and not have social media.

There is a verse that I discovered many years ago and I am excited to share it with you today.

Job 31.1.

I have made a covenant with my eyes. How then could I look at young women?

And I have tried to extend that to women.

I wish I could stand here and say, I do this perfectly all the time. I don't.

But there is an ongoing awareness of knowing, knowing what has to be gouged and what has to be cut.

And for me, social media is at the top of that list.

There is a software company called Covenant Eyes.

I've included a website for you here. Let me read to you why they exist.

This is what they say. Covenant Eyes provides internet accountability and filtering

tools primarily to help individuals combat pornography and maintain online integrity

through monitored devices.

They send activity reports to chosen accountability partners,

and they use AI to blur explicit screenshots.

I don't know if you're familiar with Covenant Eyes or not, but I want to introduce it to you today.

Maybe it would help you. Maybe you can help somebody you know,

especially people who struggle and battle with online sexual temptations.

And speaking of an accountability partner, I highly recommend that you have

a person or a few people in your life, same sex as accountability partners.

Find a person, find a few people who are willing to pray with you,

willing to be transparent,

willing to be vulnerable, willing to give you a good spiritual kick in the rear

when you need it, while also giving you a spiritual hug or physical hug when you need it.

Get connected with people who desire to help you, to go in the same direction

as you, and to grow spiritually with you.

And last, but certainly not least, trust the Holy Spirit.

Your fight with porn is his fight with porn.

1 John 4, 4, you are from God.

The one, that's the Holy Spirit, who is in you is greater than the one who is in the world.

God's will for your life is to be porn free and to live sexually appropriately according to his word.

That is his will. Let's pray.

Father, I just ask that you would take your word and then let it have the work that needs to happen,

amongst each and every individual in this place today.

A couple of days ago, Father, you heard me and Mario, I was kind of joking like,

well, this might fill up the email box.

Lord, I ask if it does that it's done because people are wanting freedom from

sexual immorality and porn and like there's a big high call out for help, help, help.

Where else would we go for help but to you?

And I pray that you will heal and help us.

Because you are worth it.

In Jesus' name I pray, amen. Let me close with these good words.

From God's word, Matthew 5, 8.

Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God. That's good news.