Sacrificial Leadership and Gospel Unity - Ephesians 5:22–33

Well, good morning. I am very grateful to be here with you today. I haven't been here. I wasn't here last week. We were at home recovering. We just had our fourth child, so very excited. Yep. Baby Paisley is here, and we are sleep deprived. So we know that she's here. So, actually, she's doing pretty great. And Mom is recovering well. Our other two kids are the ones who are holding us back at this point. They both got pink eye. So, you know how that is with multiple kids and multiple people in a household. Growing up, I was one of 9 kids, and my parents also worked at a children's home where there were 9 to 12 other kids there at any time, so as far as sickness goes, we know all about it. But I am one of nine, I have three biological siblings. I have five adopted siblings. Four of those are brothers. So if you have brothers, you know that wrestling is afoot, right? Like wrestling happens when you have brothers. It just naturally happens. I was the youngest brother for a while by a good bit, so I was the punching bag for most of it. And then later on, I got some other brothers, but they were still older than me, and I had one younger brother. But all of us together got really into wrestling and really into the UFC, the ultimate fighting championships. Any fans of that? Is it too brutal for some people? It's super brutal for me now. I watched, ugh, I shouldn't watch it anymore. But we loved it. We loved it so much. And, you know, there's many ways to end a fight in the UFC. There's one where you just go the entire the entire length. Some people really like that. I guess you get your money's worth watching this entire fight. And then how you interacted, how you fought, gets you points and then you could be won by essentially vote at the end. The other one is the one that gets all the glory, right? The knockout punch. Sometimes you paid a lot of money for pay-per-view to watch a fight, and then it ends in like 5 seconds. You're like, that was awesome. It's like, you just spent a lot of money to watch 5 seconds of something. You could watch that on YouTube for free. And then the last one is through submission. It's through grappling, through wrestling. And the way that that is, is you're essentially imposing your will on another person to contort them in a way that they hurt so much that they give up. They tap out is what it is. Now me being one of the younger ones. I really took to submissions because I couldn't punch my brother. He was taller than me, right? And he just beat me up. I had to learn how to hurt my brother in a way that made him stop. That was kind of what it was. And so we would do this, and so wrestling was a big part of this. And today, we're talking about submission. Now, submission in the UFC is about imposing your will on someone else to hurt them, to cause them to give up for you to win. But when we're talking about submission in the Bible, we're not talking about a husband forcing his wife to submit, we're talking about a willing, about biblical submission, is willingly giving up our own desires and following the example that Jesus has said. Husbands and wives are not trying to force their spouse into submission, but they're willingly following the example that Jesus has set forth. So we're going to jump into Ephesians 5. Trevor already read this, but we're gonna read it again. We read the 1st couple verses here. Paul writes, wives, submit to your own husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body, and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. Let's pray real quick. God, you are good and you are faithful to us. Lord, we do not deserve the grace that you've shown us. We do not deserve to be at the table that you've placed as in as fully adopted children. We're not worthy of the sacrifice that you gave. But Lord, we thank you so much for the grace and the mercy that you've shown towards us. God, I pray that today that you would be glorified in the reading of your word and that we would be built up. It would be edified in the hearing of your word. Lord, that there's challenging things in this passage, Lord, that maybe we've struggled with in the past. Maybe we're struggling with right now. God, would you speak clearly? And would you show what it means that husband should lead like you and that the wife should be following like the church? God, would you be glorified and take the scribbles on this page and affect these people in a glorious way? Lord, we love you in Jesus' name. Amen. So we're going to pause here right in the very beginning. We already read this passage twice now, and maybe you just read this. You're like, Dalton, what are we getting ourselves into? I'm thinking, uh, Tyler, I was gone for 3 weeks and I jumped right into this passage. Thanks for that one. But what are we doing? Is Paul out of touch? Does Paul not understand that the times are a change in, right? That times are different? Maybe we're thinking, Paul, this doesn't seem fair. Maybe this was good for back then, but maybe it's not for what it is now. And maybe you've heard this verse. You've heard this verse preached, or you've read this, and you think that it diminishes wives in some way, that it diminishes women in some unbiblical way. But I want to challenge you right here in the beginning, but to listen closely. Put aside preconceived notions and listen to what God's word has to say about this relationship between husbands and wives. Let's ask the Lord that he would help us to submit our feelings, submit our desires, our frustrations, and that we would ask him to teach us, that we would not try to bend the Lord to the culture, but that we would put the culture to the Lord. and that we would allow him to be the one who was changing those things. So previously, last week, we were talking about this mutual submission to one another, that as we're walking wise, as we're walking in the new way and we're no longer walking in the old way in darkness, but as we're walking in the light, there's this mutual submission that is happening in the church in light of Christ, in fear of Christ, in respect of Jesus. We look at how he lived, how he served, and now we are now doing likewise. We're mutually submitting to one another. We're no longer like the world, but now we are children of God, and we act like our Father. We're treating others as more important than ourselves. This is the baseline for Christianity. This is how we interact with each other. But now today, he's going in, and now he's talking specifically to the marriage relationship. He said, wives submit. He doesn't say husbands submit in the same way. So there's something exclusive. There's something specific that is happening here. Although all are mutually submitting to one another, we're learning how marriages should work. If everyone is putting each other 1st all the time and deferring to other people, how does anything get done? How do we move forward? How is there a leader? Is there not a leader? So today we're looking at what biblical marriage looks like in light of the gospel. So biblical marriage looks like I have 3 points here. There's probably way more that we could get into, and there's full disclosure. This passage is also massive just with the amount of verses, and the amount that we could talk about. So, I will try to be have some brevity here, but please give me grace. But the points that we're gonna see today. That biblical marriage looks like the gospel being evidently seen. The gospel is seen in how the wife and the husband interact. Number two, husbands are lovingly leading like Jesus. And the number three, wives are respectfully following like the church. So this is what biblical marriage looks like. This is the roadmap that we're going to take. So the question, what does a biblical marriage look like? Verse 22? We get we get right into it. He says, well, I submit to your own husbands as to the Lord, for the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church, his body. We're seeing that Paul is using this body language again that he's talked about with the church so often that there are many members, although they are different. They are still one, they are one unit. He's speaking specifically of a marriage relationship. There's exclusivity here. There is specific context here, that although all are mutually submitting to one another in reverence to Christ, It is the wife who submits her own husband. And it is the husband who is leading his own wife, that there is exclusivity here. And Paul is relating this to this relationship of the church in Christ. Now Paul is teaching us how we should understand the marriage relationship. Now, marriage, how what did we do in marriage? What is marriage is a hot topic in culture today, right? Who can be married? What does marriage look like? In my lifetime, in most of our lifetimes, there was something that happened in 2015 in our land, the Zoburgifel, court case where it changed essentially how the law defines marriage. Who can be married? And culture is beginning to try to submit marriage under its own strength. What is marriage? How should marriage work? What is the role of the husband? What is the role of the wife? Can there be two husbands? Can there be 2 wives? Culture tries to submit marriage under its own strength. We also see that sinful human nature tries to submit marriage under its own strength. All the way back in Genesis 3. We saw that the woman who was tempted by the snake and she ate and she gave it to her husband, that there was a curse that came upon, both of them, but the Lord is looking at the woman and he says, your desire will be for your husband, but he will rule over you. This sinful human desire that now that we've seen, that we've seen reflected, will always be that the wife, maybe wants to be the head, wants to be in that place. wants to be the one who's in control. But will never be. And then lastly, we see that our feelings or our sense of justice tries to submit marriage under its strength. We think this, well, I'm the one who's doing all of this, so I should be the one who's in charge. Or I really don't want to be in charge. I'll just kind of stop and let them do this. Or, man, I've done all these things. This person owes me. My spouse owes me. They better fall in line. It's only fair. If they won't, I will. I don't want to do it, right? So I'm going to let them. I'm going to make sure that they know what they've done. And they're going to follow behind under our own strength, under our own desire, our own sense of justice, we try to submit marriage under our own strength. But none of these are sufficient for how we define marriage. None of these are sufficient for how we should look at marriage. We don't bring our culture to the Bible and say, you're wrong Bible, but we bring the culture to God's word, and we submit it to him, that he would be the one teaching us, that although we have hurt feelings, although we feel frustrated, although we live in a broken world. We bring all of this brokenness to God and he shows us how to make it right. What is right? He is how we see our marriage. So he gives structure, he gives light. How does he give structure to the marriage relationship? Paul immediately gets into it? And he says, essentially, that the gospel is evidently seen. So the gospel is the center. As we're looking at marriage, we should see the gospel. We should think about the gospel. It gives marriage structure. It is the only right way to understand what marriage is and how this relationship looks like. Paul uses the relationship of Jesus in the church for our benefit. It's helping us to rightly understand our relationship to one another as husbands and wives. Christ as the head in the church as the body. The husband as the head, the wife, as the body. And again, I've said this already. Paul uses body language very often. Notably, in one Corinthians 12, he uses this verse. This one's kind of pieced together. It would be on the screen, but Paul writes this, for just as the body is one and has many members, and all are members of the body, though many are one body. So it is with Christ. For the body does not consist of one member, but of many. If the foot should say, because I'm not a hand, I do not belong to the body, that would not make it any less part of the body. But as it is, God arraigned the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose. If all were a single member, where would the body be? As it is, there are many parts, yet one body. You are the body of Christ. We are Christ's body. The church is the body of Christ in connection with the head of the body. Who is Jesus? There's unity. We are one in Christ. This has been Paul's kind of argument through all of Ephesians, that we are in Christ, that we are one in Christ, that we have unity, not uniformity, but we are all separate and different, but we are all part of Christ. And often we think of this verse as just a way of describing that Jesus is just this magical decision giver, that he's floating out there, some severed head talking with us of, you should do it this way, and the body is some kind of weird, lifeless zombie kind of going around. This is not just seen as the head giving instruction, but it's showing that they are together, that in the same way that the foot cannot say, because I'm not a hand, I'm not part of the body. They're both part of the body. In the same way, the foot is part of the body, just like the hand. It's just like the body in the head. There's one, they're unified, they're together. When God looks from heaven at us, he doesn't see multiples sewn on, he sees one. We are one in him. At one time, we were far off. At one time, we were enemies of Jesus. At one time, we were so absolutely different and separate from him that we stuck out like a sore thumb, right? We were actively rebelling against him and doing harm to his image as we sinned all throughout the world. We were so different. We could not have been more opposite. He could have rightly have said to us, in our sin, you have no part in me. You are not part of this body. You are not part of my people. But by his great mercy towards us. Instead of him giving punishment to us and casting us out, he sent his son to take our sin, to take our oppositeness, to pay for it, that we can walk before him, and that we will be grafted into the body, not as a 2nd tiered role, not as something less than, not as something brought and attached, that looks foreign, but part of the body. Have you ever seen anything about Frankenstein? Maybe you've read the book. Maybe there's something around something like that. Oddly enough, do you know that Frankenstein is the doctor? He's a scientist, not the monster, so blow your mind there. I actually knew that because I'm super smart. But, We think about Frankenstein. He's like this huge hulk of a creature, right? The scientist found spare parts of human bodies and sewed them together. If you see pictures. There's like stitches everywhere. He looks different, really contorted, really messed up, and he's brought back, he's brought to life, I guess, through mad science. But you can tell that he's not one, right? That he has been formed of many different parts, that do not belong to him, because he was from nothing, right? When God looks down from heaven, he doesn't see you as a sewn on hand. He doesn't see you as a sewn on foot. He sees you as one. We do not stick out on the body of Christ. We are not so obviously different from the rest of it. God does not look down from heaven and say, oh yeah, that's that new one that we sewn on. That's that zit, that's that blemish. No, there's no 2nd tier. There's unity. We are one. When God looks down from heaven, he doesn't see your sin. He doesn't see that enemy. He sees his son. He sees Jesus. And when he looks at the church, he sees one in Christ. And as the head leads, the church follows. He sees his own likeness. You are not a sewn on peace to the body of Christ, but you are one with him. God looks down from heaven and he sees unity. When God looks down from heaven and he sees the marriage relationship. He sees unity. He doesn't see, well, here's the head, here's the wife, they're separate. We got to talk to the head so he can get the body in line. We got to talk to the body so she can get the head in line. He sees one flesh. The gospel is evident in the marriage relationship as he holds them to the responsibilities of oneness. You together are one in marriage, one flesh, man and woman, united by God, what God has brought together, let no man separate. There are no second tier. There are no sown on parts. The body is not less than the head. The head is not greater than the body. They are together one. So Paul writes to give instructions to marriage. We keep this oneness in mind. As he instructs the men and the women. He's not saying that the woman is lesser than the man. He's not saying that the man is greater than the woman. He's using the body of the illustration of the body, about function, about how the uniformity of the unit, how it operates. Although a hand is not any less than the foot or a foot is not any less than a hand. That is different than this. How they function are different. They are both part of the body. They both do what the body says or what the head says, but there are differences. So Paul is going to begin to talk about, although they are one, how do they function together? How do they work together? What are the rules and what are the responsibilities of husbands and wives? Firstly, we see that husbands lovingly lead like Jesus. They're lovingly leading like Jesus. Now, we're starting with the husband, as you've already read. We've talked about wives twice now, and we haven't even began to mention wives. Why are we doing this, Dalton? Because in light of what we're going to talk about, really, the function of the wife comes through the function of the husband. The wife is responding to the loving leadership of the husband. This verse actually is speaking more to husbands than it is to wives. It gives more instructions to how husbands serving or loving than how the wife should be responding. So there is far more written here. So we're going to start with the husbands. Verse 25. He says, husbands, love your wives. Man, that's simple enough. Let's just wrap it up. Let's just go home, right? He says, love your wives as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her. This is exclusive once again, love your wife. You're not loving another. You're not loving some woman, that's not your wife. This marriage union is between one man and one woman for life. Love your wife. And he says, when I ask the question, how ought we to love our lives, our wives? Paul says, like Christ, loves the church, that he gave himself up for her, gave himself up for the church. Jesus is a loving husband to his bride, gave himself up. He died. He laid his life on the line for the church. So number one under the sub, and husbands lovingly lead by giving themselves up like Christ did. The question, how did Jesus give himself up? How did he do it? We know this. We've all been in church before, but Philippians 2, 6 through 8, says Jesus, though he was in the form of God, did not count equality with God, a thing to be grasped, but emptied himself by taking the form of a servant, being born in the likeness of men. He humbled himself by becoming obedient to the point of death, even death on a cross. Jesus humbled himself by giving himself over to the point of death. Death on a cross, a humiliating death, he had every right to sit on his throne and demand obedience. He had every right to sit on his throne and say, you must be perfect. And if you're not no hope. He had every right to demand perfection, but he came to earth. He had every right to sit on his throne, but he stepped off of his throne of glory and put on the skin of man. He came not as a reigning king, but as a crying baby, and lived as we did. Then after he lived the perfect life, only one that we could only one that he could live, one that we could never live, he died an undeserved death. The death that you and I deserve. And it wasn't just a quick death. He was killed on a cross. He was beaten. He was mocked. He was abused. He was spit on. He was hung naked and beaten on a cross, and he knew all of this was gonna happen. He wasn't surprised, and he did it anyways. Because he loves the church. Why? Why would he die? Why would he go through all of this? Verse 26? That he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of the water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. Jesus died to set the church apart. This word sanctified means to make separate, to be separate, to be put apart. In this context, it is that Jesus came and died to make the church holy and blameless before God. He pays for all the debt that we have on the cross, all the blame that we should have, all the guilt that we have incurred. He takes all of it on the cross. He pays for it, and now he is now presenting us to the Father blameless. Sinless, perfect. White as snow. All the shame of sin is washed away. At salvation, we see this in baptism, right? That as we are placed in the water, we are buried in the lightness of his death, and we're raised to newness of life, washed of the sin, washed of the blame, washed of the guilt. Now we are made spotless, without wrinkle, we are blameless. When thinking about this, think about a woman on her wedding day. Talking about a church, talking about marriage, thinking about all this stuff. think about a woman on her wedding day. The white dress. I think about my wife. She was beautiful. She's still beautiful. But in that dress, it's something different, right? There's something significant about this dress that she's wearing. White, perfect. Press perfectly, no wrinkles, no spots. Her hair is put perfectly. Everything's awesome. It smells awesome. It's like the greatest day ever, right? Our marriage, our wedding day was so special. I cherish it in my heart. I think about it. It was the greatest party I've ever been to, right? There was no imperfection there. On the final day, because of the saving, perfecting work of Jesus on the cross and in the grave, the church will stand before his throne, perfect, spotless, like a bride on a wedding day. Jesus died and washed his church, his people, with the water of the word to make us spotless. Jesus came and lived and worked and died so that his bride could come to him in this way. Oftentimes we looked at that day and we think of ourselves as a criminal coming to the foot of the throne, asking for mercy. But the image that's actually shown in Revelation is that we come as a bride on our wedding day. Innocence, spotless, perfect, looking for this relational closeness that's there. No one looks at the wife on the wedding day said, I wonder if she's going to say yes. No one looked at the husband and says, I wonder if he's going to say yes. This is a wonderful day. And we look towards that and the husband has washing his wife in this way. Paul says, husbands, you ought to love your wives in this way. Husbands, humble yourself. Have you ever seen an older movie and maybe like a rom-com or a cartoon? I can't think of a specific movie where this happens, but it's in my head. There's a couple, they're walking down the street, right? They come up to an intersection, and then there's the puddle of mud, right? We've seen this before. Instead of walking around the mud like normal people. The guy's like, let me take my jacket off and put this right in this puddle of mud. He takes the jacket off. He puts it down and she walks across the jacket and she's perfectly fine, not dirty at all, right? It's a loving, romantic gesture. It makes us all, it puts all us men to shame, right? Now, Paul is not saying, take your jacket off for your wife and put it in the mud. Paul is saying, you get in the mud. You're the one face down in the mud, that your wife would walk over you, that as you're laying yourself down, as you're sacrificing yourself. She is now coming over perfect, blameless. spotless. He says, take on the likeness of Christ and lay your life down. You take the hits, you take the beatings. You stand in the gap between the world and your wife and your family, and you lay down your life for them. You live to die, to wash them with the word, to present them blameless on that day. At the end of days, husbands. Your job is not to show up without calluses on your hands because you didn't work for it. Your job is not to show up on the end of days with perfectly unsinged clothes because you stayed too far away from the fire. Your job is to show up with bruises because you ran, is not to show up without bruises because you ran away from the danger. Your job is to be like Christ, to lay your life on the line. Your job is to labor with all that you have to present your wife and your family's spotless before God. Your job is to show up with tattered clothes of evidence of protection of your wife against the flames of the devil. You are to show with black eyes and broken bones as you defend and lead your family into righteousness. Your job is to lay your life down like Christ did for you, who, at the end, is hung on a cross, naked and beaten and bleeding and mocked and scorned for you. Our job husbands is to lay our life down for our wives. How do we do this? Dalton, am I supposed to go out and find a guy to beat me up? Is this the way we do this? I can go and find it. Dalton, you said you're good at wrestling. Come and beat me up. That's weird. Don't say that. Connor knows about it, though. All right, number two, how do we do this? It's with the washing of the word, washing of the word. Husbands lovingly lead by sanctifying their wives with the word. Remember, sanctifying is setting apart to make holy, to make different. When I think about washing, I think about when I worked at discount tire. Anybody ever work out a tire shop before? No? Okay, but people have done manual labor, kind of does some manual labor, and I still wrestle them. So, when I worked at discount tire, you show up really early and, man, tires are gross. They've been driving on the road. They've been driving over all those dead animals, all kinds of stuff, right? And they're just covered in filth. And all day long, sometimes you're wearing gloves, but there's a lot of fine motor skills, so you don't wear the gloves for long, or you wear like the latex gloves that are meant to be lasting and they don't and they break, right? So your hands come out looking like the tires. They're completely covered in black. And then your arms are completely covered in black. A discount tire. You have a black shirt on so it doesn't show up. But when you go and take a shower, your belly is completely black as well because you've been lifting up the tires and you're just completely covered. You're filthy, and you're exhausted and you're wore out. I never came home from discount tire and thought, nah, I'll wait till Lamar to take a shower. No matter how tired I was. I never came out of that job and said, yeah, this will do. I'll be fine until tomorrow. When we're thinking about washing with the word, we're thinking about it in this way, that we are always going out into a world full of filth and distractions and lies and deceptions. And we would never come home and just be like, yeah, I'll get it tomorrow. I'm a little tired today. I'll sleep in my filth a little bit longer and get it done in the morning. All day long, husbands, our wives, our families, are in a world, being attacked by an enemy who once, as the Bible says, to kill them, wants to... D,ceive them, wants to draw them away. Our job to sanctify our wife, to present them wholly and blameless on that day is to wash them with the word. The enemy lies and deceives put distance in our marriage, in your kids, but we need to be in this book. We need to be washing away the lies and deceptions of the world with the truth of God's word, so that as they go into the world, instead of this dirt sticking to them, they're also washing the world with his word. This is the only way to present anybody blame us. As we adhere and as we submit, as we obey, the teachings of his word, as we obey, and we submit to the gospel that's been given to us. So the question I would ask and the challenge, I would ask, husbands, are you in this book? This is not meant to be a beat him up sermon, but one maybe to open our eyes of how should I? Young men who are not married. Are you in this book? Being married is not about finding a pretty lady to spend the rest of your life with. It's about exhibiting the gospel to all, for them to see in your job, is to wash her with the word, to present her blameless. Are you in this? And then lastly, with husbands, husbands lovingly lead by loving their wives as themselves. Verse 28? Paul writes in the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it just as Christ does the church. Because we are members of his body. Therefore, a man shall leave his father and mother and hold fast to his wife. And the 2 shall become one flesh. This mystery is profound, and I am saying that it refers to Christ in the church. Paul is referring to creation order here. He's going back to the beginning, and he's wanting to show us what does it mean to love yourself. He's giving back to what we said earlier, that the husband and wife. They were separate, but now they are one. That the husband leaves his father and mother, and the 2 become one flesh. In the garden, we see that God took a rib from Adam, literally from his body and created the woman. And when in the first, you know, marriage ceremony, God brings Eve down the aisle, and Adam says, this at last, this bone of my bones, flesh of my flesh, and then they're married, and then from then on, we see that they are now seen as one. Paul says this phrase is a mystery, but it's been revealed in Christ and the church. In the same way that man and woman become one flesh, physically and spiritually, one before God. The church becomes one with Christ through a sacrifice. Those who put their faith in Jesus are one in Christ. Paul's grand statement through all of Ephesians that we are in Christ. When God sees us, he sees his son. When Jesus sees us, he sees him, he sees his body. He sees his bride, he sees his own flesh, and he nourishes the church. He feeds the church. He blesses the church. He builds the church, and the body follows. The body does as the head says, right? Paul to the husband, you are one with your wife. In the eyes of God, you are one. As you lovingly lay down your life. Make sacrifices. As you painstakingly learn how to study the Bible, and how to apply it, and how to give, and how to wash your family with the word. When you get up early to pray, when you struggle to get up early to pray, when you stay up late to pray, or when you struggle to stay up late, to pray for your family. When you're staying up late to hold the baby so your wife can sleep. And when you're taking sacrifice out of your time so that your wife can be in the word, when you put your wife in front of yourself, you're loving your own flesh and blood. You're not doing a service to your wife. You're loving your own self. You're loving your wife because you are one in the same way that Christ sees as one with him. On the flip side of that, failing to lovingly lead is detrimental to you and your wife. First Peter 37, Peter writes, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way. Showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered. Now, Peter says, show her honor as the weaker vessel. This is pottery language. This is not everything that I've said down the drain. This is Peter saying, man, think of her as a priceless vase, as something valuable, as something that needs to be treated with great intention in care, something immensely valuable, something like my grandmother's crystal, right? Like, if I would have dropped the crystal, I would have, I don't even know, I don't want to mention it, but it would not have been good, right? Something immensely valuable. Peter says, husbands, cherish your wives with great care, with gentle hands, with intentional hands, with care and protection. But there was not doing so. He says, do this, otherwise this will happen. The result of not treating her with intention and care, hinders our prayers. Our relationship with God is on the line. As husbands treat their wives, lackadaisical, as she'll figure it out, as, yeah, we're good. We're separate here. Our prayers are hindered as we don't take great intention to raise, and to wash, and to teach, and to help, and to lovingly lead, our prayers are hindered. We're no disobedience to the Lord. Husbands lovingly lead your wives like Christ loves the church. So we talked a lot about husbands, we talked a lot about the gospel. How do wives fit in, right? Back to verse 22. We see that wives respectfully follow like the church. Verse 22 through 24. Paul says, wives, submit to your own husbands, as to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church. His body and is himself its savior. Now, as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit in everything to their husbands. What does this mean? It's like the body that is unified with the head. When they're communicating together, the brain thinks the body moves and one, they're moving. It's not separate. It's not the head laying back saying, body go, right? They're going together. They're unified. There's order, there's structure, there's functionality happening here. It's the wife is unified with her husband and following his lead. Now, what submission is not? We need to make sure we talk about this. We can't go into great depth. There's great resources that we could talk about. There's other verses that we could talk about, what submission is not. But submission is not submission to sin. Wives, we're not following. You're not meant to follow your husbands to a place that is unbiblical. That is ungodly. That is sinful. Submission is not enduring abuse, whether it's physical or verbal. or neglect. We have this in our life group guide tonight as well, but a wife is not disobeying her husband by seeking safety and help. He is the one disobeying God. A wife bringing this up and seeking help is actually respecting her husband. of he is sinning. He needs to be right. He needs to confess. He needs to repent. Please help us. That is not what submission is. Again, this verse is not telling men, they can tell their wives to do whatever he wants. The reason why we started with husbands is to give insight into submission, that it's not an abusive physical UFC arm bar trying to get a woman to do what he wants her to do, but as a loving husband leading his wife into righteousness, and his wife coming along, coming behind and helping him in willing submission. This instruction is giving light of the loving lead of the husband, for the flourishing of the wife, not the detriment, not the worst part of the two. It's for her benefit. God has given husbands as protectors and leaders to lovingly care and shepherd their wives into a deeper relationship with Jesus. Just as the church looks at the fierce love and leadership of Jesus and follows after him. The wife ought to be loved and follow and suit. Submission to God's design is good. What is God's design for women in marriage? Verse 31, Paul appeals to creation order again. And then Genesis 2, we see the creation of man. We see the creation of woman. God has created all the things, and he gets Adam, he forms the man out of dust. He places him in the garden to work and to keep it, to subdue and take dominion. The wife has not been created yet. But the man is there and God places him to do a job. And then Adam is there looking and all the animals of the world are looking in front of him and he's naming them one by one, right? And then he says he did not find a helper suitable for him. He didn't have a helper. He was by himself. And God says, it's not good for man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him. So what does he do? He puts Adam to sleep. He rocks into bed, tucks them in, right? And then he takes a rib from his side, and he forms the woman from the side. And then again, that wonderful 1st marriage ceremony, bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh. Finally, I help her that is suitable for me. Finally, somebody to help me in the work that you've given me, Lord. Someone to keep me, company, someone to work in labor alongside me. The Lord takes a rib from the side of Ab and Ford forms the woman. A famous Bible commentator once wrote this about this section of scripture. He says, the woman was made out of a rib of the side of Adam, not made out of his head to rule over him, nor out of his feet, to be trampled upon by him, but out of his side, to be equal with him, under his arm, to be protected and near his heart, to be beloved. The woman was created from the sight of man to be his equal in standing before God, co heirs in all of life, that they were both equally made in the image of God, both equally worthy of necessary, needing salvation because of their sin, both equal footing. She was taken from his own flesh to be one flesh with him, and she was given to the husband and has been charged, who has been charged to cherish and lead her all of his days. Submission to God's plan is realizing that God has specifically placed wives to be loved and cherished by their husbands, and to help him in his work. Now, what does help him in his work mean? Like, okay, Matt does some stuff with insurance here. Emily, are you quitting your job to go work it with Matt? Oh, okay. Well, Sermon done. Is that what it's talking about? No, the work that he's been given here is not that... That's what my point is. His wives respectfully help their husbands lead well. The husband is the one that is primarily charged with the spiritual health of the family. He is to sanctify the wife and family through the washing of the word. He used to lay down his life for the protection and spiritual health of her and the family. Wives are helpers in this. Now, I don't have a good example of this from scripture, but I wanted to use a bad example of this in scripture. We know about Job, right? Job righteous. He's a great guy. God says, man, that's a guy that is righteous before me. He's blameless in his age. He is making sacrifices for his family. He's praying for his family that even if they don't know if they've sinned, that God would forgive them of the sin that they don't know about. If they're in rebellion, he's praying that, God, would you forgive them of their rebellion? Of all these things. He is righteous before God. Um, and he was wealthy and he was, it was thoughtful and honest with all of these things. Now Satan notices this. And he says, he's only following you because of all the stuff he has. And then Satan said, I bet you I can make him turn away. And there was a test that he was allowed to give towards Job. Job lost his kids. Joe lost his livestock. He lost everything. He lost his health. He was sitting in ashes with broken pots, scratching the sores just to feel better, the lowest point of his life. His wife comes up next to him. She puts her arm around him. She cares for him, tends to his wounds, No, she doesn't do any of that. She comes up next to him and says, do you still hold fast to your integrity? Curse God and die. Job's wife was not a helper. She was not being a comforter to him, and his lowest point. He is for all these years, right? trying to lead her well, trying to serve her well, trying to lovingly lead. And in his lowest moment, she doesn't come as a helper, but she comes just like the enemy and torments him. Curse God and die. His wife was not a helper. Wives help their husbands lead well. His job is to be the spiritual head. Wives help their husbands see where the Lord is moving. Husbands, you're not Jesus, right? You're not perfect. You're not going to lead perfectly well. God has given husbands, wives in order to see all that the Lord is doing, that we can be working together for his glory. Wives are praying for their husband's leadership. How can you be prey to make him a better leader, to be more patient, to be more kind, to be more instructed by the word? Wives don't try to take the reins and make the husband follow because he didn't do it right. But they faithfully hold to God's design, and they fearfully submit their husbands to God, to be transformed, to be instructed, to be changed by his word. Verse 32 and 33. This mystery is profound, and I'm saying that it refers to Christ in the church. However, let each one of you love his wife as himself and let the wife see that she respects her husband. The unity found in the marriage reflects the unity found in the gospel. How we treat our spouse has evangelistic proportions to it. As we treat our wife in the way that Christ treats the church. Others can peer in and they can begin to see what the gospel is like. The world can look in at the way that husbands lovingly lead their wives and can begin to see that Christ is a loving husband to the church. As wives are respectfully following and helping their husbands lead, the world can look in and see, that's what it's like, laying down my own desires and helping another. We aren't twisting someone's arm to get someone to submit, but in light of the gospel, we ought to willingly submit to the roles that God has designed for men and women. The gospel should be seen at all times. Husbands love like Christ. Wives respect like the church. Now, moving to some application, just a few questions. We've been asking a lot of questions here in these points. And these are very open-ended. Number one, husbands, how are you challenged to lovingly lead like Jesus this week? Man, we all fall short. We all have shortcomings. Is there secret sin that needs to be confessed? To your wife? to a friend? Is there something that you are not doing that you know you should be doing? Have you been sitting on the sideline saying, my wife's gonna submit, and she's gonna do all these things. I'm gonna sit over here in my armchair. That's not what a leader does. Do you need help in learning how to wash your wife with the word? Do you need help in learning where to begin? I asked the question earlier? Are you in this book? Are you in this book? Do you know where to start? Do you know how to start? How do you begin to teach your kids? I'm not a teacher. I don't know how to preacher, I don't know how to do to these. don't have seminary education. He didn't say any of that. He's a washerwoman with the word. Giving nuggets of truth and nuggets of wisdom from God's word, and we can only do that if you're in this book. John 154, apart from me, you can do nothing. Abide in me, Jesus says, your washing of your woman, your washing of your family with the word, starts with you abiding in Christ. Oh, I was going to share these. And man, if you're like, hey, how do I start? How do I do any of this? These are some books that me and my family have gone through with our kids. Just really simple daily devotionals. You know, our kids are back there learning about the Bible all day long on a Sunday, but during the week, they actually still know how to do it. They still can sit down there and they answer good questions. If you want some ideas of husbands of how to lead. I have some examples here. They're beat up. My kids use them as football sometimes, probably. But come take a look. I would love to help you find some of those Tyler and I, or Shannon or Trevor, would love to help you find some resources for this. Number two. Wives. How can you respectfully help your husband lead this week? Number one, the 1st point here, are you in a situation that you'd help with? Maybe there's some abuse happening. There's some neglect happening. How can you respectfully ask for help? How can you respectfully bring that up? How can you seek what you need? Here in a few moments, pass around the trace? This is forever everybody. This isn't just for wives. We're gonna pass around the trays, and we're gonna have all a bunch of prayer cards in there, a bunch of connection cards in there. For any prayer request, guest or otherwise, I want you to take one of those cards and fill it out. But if you're someone who needs prayer, if you need someone who needs help, grab one of those cards, fill it out. Do you need help in learning how to help your husband lead? Do you do you need help in learning how to read the Bible yourself? How can you help him? How can you help lead your kids? How do you do any of this? How can you respectfully help your husband lead this week? And then thirdly, church, will you commit to praying for the couples in this congregation? Would you pray for the married? The ones who've been married for years and years, the ones who've been married for a short time, the ones who are about to be married, the ones who are looking to date, the ones who are dating, would we begin to pray for all of the couples in our congregation? Marriage is under attack. A marriage is a clear image of the gospel. The enemy aims to taint, mar, and destroy this image in any way that he can. We need God's power, his grace, his mercy, to be allowing men to understand theirs, and allowing women to understand theirs, and how the gospel will be shared with our community as our faithful marriages all around. Pray for fidelity and marriage. Pray for loving leadership. Pray for respectful submission, pray for evidence of the gospel throughout. Let's commit to praying for each other. Let's pray. God, we thank you for who you are. We thank you for your word, that it never returns void. Lord, just as the rain falls from heaven and does not return there without giving nutrients and vitamins and all the things to the ground. Lord, your word does not fall on our ears and does not leave what you intended to leave. Lord, this is a heavy topic. It's a big topic that you could spend a lot of time on. Lord, I pray that you would be glorified in what was said. Lord, I pray that we would be challenged, that we would be comforted. Lord, that we would look to you as the perfecter and founder of our faith. God, would you just, would you do something that only you can do in the lives of marriages, would you do only things that you can do in this church? God, we know that it's you that builds a church as the head. And God, you've called your body to go and make disciples. And Lord, I pray that we would continue to be faithful in that. Where you lead will go. Lord, be love you, Jesus' name. Amen.