Driving on the Wrong Side of the Road

[SPEAKER_00]: Good morning, good morning in the room.

[SPEAKER_00]: Welcome to everybody joining us via a parent stream and online is great to be here with you, actually it is.

[SPEAKER_00]: Just over a month ago, I returned from traveling in the States for five weeks or so.

[SPEAKER_00]: And about half of that time, I spent having a great family holiday and the other half I spent touring churches in LA in Phoenix.

[SPEAKER_00]: So my time in the U.S. was really split into two quite distinct purposes.

[SPEAKER_00]: One half was to spend time as a family, without teens before their grown-in-flowing, making family memories.

[SPEAKER_00]: And the other half, I was sponsored by Churches of Christ to go and observe and learn from the Churches in the U.S.

[SPEAKER_00]: In many ways, it was like two completely different experiences travelling, but there was one common theme that ran through my entire time in the States.

[SPEAKER_00]: That was driving, a lot of it, and on the wrong side of the road, no less.

[SPEAKER_00]: Who here has been to a country where they drive on the right hand side of the road.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yeah, so probably more than half the room.

[SPEAKER_00]: Who here has had the unique and pretty bizarre experience of actually being behind the wheel, driving yourself on the wrong side of the road?

[SPEAKER_00]: A few less, but there's a number of you.

[SPEAKER_00]: So it's an unsettling feeling at first, isn't it?

[SPEAKER_00]: So five wicks is a decent length of time, and enough to get used to driving on the wrong side of the road.

[SPEAKER_00]: Actually to the point where I wondered, would I need time to adjust to driving on the left-hand side of the road again?

[SPEAKER_00]: But I've driven a few times in the states.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've done it a handful of times, and that definitely helped a lot.

[SPEAKER_00]: But what seems absolutely staggering to me every time I've driven in the States is how you just rock up to the rental car place with your regular old left-hand side of the road Victorian drivers license and they just hand you the keys and you drive off there's no competency

[SPEAKER_00]: There's no chat to see if you understand foreign road rules like how to navigate a four-way stop.

[SPEAKER_00]: Just keys, the knowledge that you hold the lives of you and your passengers in your hand and go.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's a really disorienting feeling, particularly navigating those first few intersections, as you battle your default driving mode.

[SPEAKER_00]: And each day you get in the car, generally going to the wrong side of the car.

[SPEAKER_00]: You have to reorient yourself, and reorient your brain to this new reality.

[SPEAKER_00]: Eventually, it does become more natural,

[SPEAKER_00]: Navigating grief and a season of deep pain feels a little bit like driving on the wrong side of the road.

[SPEAKER_00]: If you've ever been through pain and grief, you'll know what I mean.

[SPEAKER_00]: You were just out there with everyone else who seemed very comfortable with the alternate reality of right-hand side driving,

[SPEAKER_00]: When you feel like you should have a sign on your car, that says, I'm out of my depth.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is not natural for me.

[SPEAKER_00]: Please be patient if I don't quite nail the four-way stop.

[SPEAKER_00]: Your internal and external realities.

[SPEAKER_00]: Don't quite match up.

[SPEAKER_00]: When grief comes, it can feel like perhaps you should be wearing a sign that lets people know that you're in a painful season.

[SPEAKER_00]: But there's no sign and life just keeps moving on all around you.

[SPEAKER_00]: This experience of trying to reorient myself and feeling like perhaps I should be wearing a sign at times has been a fairly familiar companion of mine over the last four to five years.

[SPEAKER_00]: In 2017, my father was diagnosed with dementia, and he passed away in 2021.

[SPEAKER_00]: Later that same year, my mum was also diagnosed with dementia.

[SPEAKER_00]: And whilst she's still with us, we're currently navigating the aptly-named Long Good Buy of Dimension, as we lose a little bit of her week by week.

[SPEAKER_00]: And in addition, in July last year, my brother died after battling significant mental health issues with decades.

[SPEAKER_00]: So today, I want to offer to you that lament can help us relearn how to drive in a season where much of life feels foreign.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now, lament is a funny, kind of old fashioned word.

[SPEAKER_00]: We don't really use much these days.

[SPEAKER_00]: As a society, we're not particularly good at grief and lament.

[SPEAKER_00]: And within the church, sadly, we're not much better.

[SPEAKER_00]: When you think about describing the meant, you might think of words to use such as whale, or mourn, regret, or complain.

[SPEAKER_00]: One definition of lament says, it's a passionate expression of grief, which is certainly not wrong.

[SPEAKER_00]: but I want to suggest an expanded version of this definition by Mark Vrogop, which introduces a biblical lens filament as a passionate expression of grief that names what is wrong and anchors it to God's truth.

[SPEAKER_00]: The men can arise from a myriad of different experiences.

[SPEAKER_00]: The death of a loved one.

[SPEAKER_00]: An adverse diagnosis.

[SPEAKER_00]: Separation or divorce.

[SPEAKER_00]: chronic pain caused by an injury, taxing relationship, a miscarriage, a long-term illness, the loss of relationship, losing your job.

[SPEAKER_00]: Perhaps even the consequences of seeing or poor choices in your life.

[SPEAKER_00]: This is not an exhaustive list.

[SPEAKER_00]: The list is long and different for each person, but the experience of pain is a universally human one.

[SPEAKER_00]: As I mentioned earlier, we don't tend to deal with our pain very well.

[SPEAKER_00]: And although the experience of grief and pain is quite individual, there are broadly two opposite responses to grief and pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: We can either get stuck in our pain, and we cannot or will not move on.

[SPEAKER_00]: Or we try to run from our pain and distract ourselves.

[SPEAKER_00]: Most of us will default to one end of the spectrum or the other in terms of grief.

[SPEAKER_00]: When grief and pain come, it can be to build a dating.

[SPEAKER_00]: Suddenly, it can feel as if the whole world has slowed down around you as you process what's happening and try to make sense of your pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: When grief comes, we rightly should take time to pause even with draw from the normal

[SPEAKER_00]: This is where offers of assistance looking after kids, meal trains, and time of work can be precious gifts as you pause to start coming to terms of your pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: However, we're not designed to stay in that place forever.

[SPEAKER_00]: Life does continue to move and slowly and gently we need to get back in the flow.

[SPEAKER_00]: Here's how some of us can respond, if not outwardly, perhaps just inwardly, by getting ourselves stuck in grief, and the pain becomes the defining all-consuming moment of your life.

[SPEAKER_00]: You might be functioning in the world, doing all the regular things of life, but feel completely stuck on the inside consumed by pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: The other fairly unhelpful, yet common response to grief and pain is my own personal default response.

[SPEAKER_00]: Move fast and distract yourself.

[SPEAKER_00]: And someone who has a history of living by the phrase, it's better to be busy than be bored.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I could tell you that is not a helpful go-to strategy when it comes to processing and dealing with grief.

[SPEAKER_00]: A society is perfectly set up to offer endless ways to keep us busy and distracted from feeling too much, especially the sad or angry feelings.

[SPEAKER_00]: The move fast and distract yourself person runs from grief and pain by throwing themselves into work, exercise, hobbies, binge watching Netflix, DIY projects, scrolling social media or any number of innocuous or harmful pastimes.

[SPEAKER_00]: As a way to help us think about navigating times of pain, I want to take us back to Psalm 23 that Matt read earlier.

[SPEAKER_00]: Psalm 23 is only six verses long, but it is rich with a vivid picture of the Lord as our shepherd.

[SPEAKER_00]: I want to pick it up in verse four, even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death.

[SPEAKER_00]: I will feel no evil for you with me.

[SPEAKER_00]: You're rod and your staff, they comfort me.

[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes as Christians we can incorrectly believe that we should be immune to pain and grief.

[SPEAKER_00]: If we've grown up in a church environment, focused on themes like victory in the Lord, or being the head-not-the-tale, we can accidentally trick God, like a genie in a bottle, sending our prayers up like wishes.

[SPEAKER_00]: And it can be a rude shock when grief and pain come.

[SPEAKER_00]: The truth is, we will never promise an easy ride in life.

[SPEAKER_00]: In fact, Jesus says, quite the opposite in John 16.

[SPEAKER_00]: In this world, you will have trouble.

[SPEAKER_00]: Thankfully, he goes on to say, but take heart I have overcome the world.

[SPEAKER_00]: So circling back to Psalm 23, sometimes our shepherd

[SPEAKER_00]: There is no promise that we get to go around the valley, or be spared the valley, but we walk through the valley.

[SPEAKER_00]: Notice this.

[SPEAKER_00]: The valley is not the destination of the dwelling place.

[SPEAKER_00]: It is something to be navigated through with a shepherd setting our pace.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now, they're getting stuck,

[SPEAKER_00]: So them, how might we approach biblical lament with our shepherd, not getting stuck, not going too fast?

[SPEAKER_00]: And perhaps even allowing lament to teach us something along the way.

[SPEAKER_00]: I want to suggest four practices that can help in times of grief and pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: Firstly, pray your pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: At first, this might seem like an obvious statement, but in times of grief and pain, it's so important that you know, bringing your complaint before the Lord is okay.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're often reluctant to complain before the Lord because it seems wrong, but it's not.

[SPEAKER_00]: During times of grief and pain, you should make space and time to be honest before the Lord.

[SPEAKER_00]: No, that you will not shock God, you won't catch him off guard, you won't cause him to love you less when you bring your pain and complain to him.

[SPEAKER_00]: Psalm 139 tells us, you perceive my thoughts from afar.

[SPEAKER_00]: And before a word is on my tongue, you Lord know it completely.

[SPEAKER_00]: There's no point hiding your pain or complaint for the Lord.

[SPEAKER_00]: He knows it anyway.

[SPEAKER_00]: Invite him in, talk to him about your grief, and see what he'll do.

[SPEAKER_00]: Kara E-Loth from an organization called The Limit Project, says this, when we bring our pain to God, he meets us with his presence,

[SPEAKER_00]: This echoes Psalm 34, 18, which gives us a beautiful promise.

[SPEAKER_00]: The Lord is close to the broken hearted.

[SPEAKER_00]: He rescues those who spirits across.

[SPEAKER_00]: I have experienced a special kind of grief.

[SPEAKER_00]: I've experienced a special grace during times of grief, a closeness to the Lord that is quite unique and rich.

[SPEAKER_00]: This closeness has sustained me in surprising ways that I don't think I would have experienced without the presence of grief in my life.

[SPEAKER_00]: But it does require us taking the first step.

[SPEAKER_00]: Be honest and invite the Lord into your pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: God already knows your pain, praying it honestly before him just gives him access to it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Secondly, pray the word,

[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes when it's difficult and even exhausting finding words to put to your pain, the best thing you can do is turn to the Psalms of lament.

[SPEAKER_00]: Of the 150 Psalms we have, about a third of them, our Psalms of lament.

[SPEAKER_00]: The Psalms offer us a rich language filament,

[SPEAKER_00]: There are many, many more, but if you are looking for ways to pray your pain, can I suggest starting with these?

[SPEAKER_00]: Psalm 6, Psalm 13, Psalm 77.

[SPEAKER_00]: We're also in good company when we turn to the Psalms to help us pray in times of grief and we need encouragement.

[SPEAKER_00]: Paul Coates Psalm 4422 in Romans 8 when encourages believers who shall separate us from the love of Christ shall trouble or hardship or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword.

[SPEAKER_00]: As it is written for your sake, we face death all day long, we are considered as sheep to be slaughtered.

[SPEAKER_00]: No, in all these things, we are more than conquerors through him who loved us.

[SPEAKER_00]: Jesus also quoted the Psalms through the gospels to express righteous anger, knowledge of His betrayal, and lament on the cross.

[SPEAKER_00]: Consider these verses, John 2.

[SPEAKER_00]: In the temple courts he found people selling cattle sheep and doves, and others sitting at tables exchanging money.

[SPEAKER_00]: So we made a whip out of cords and drove all from the temple courts, both sheep and cattle.

[SPEAKER_00]: He scattered the coins of the money changes and overturned their tables.

[SPEAKER_00]: To those who sold those, he said, get these out of here, stop turning my father's house into a market.

[SPEAKER_00]: His disciples remembered that it is written, zeal for your house will consume me.

[SPEAKER_00]: In John 13, Jesus refers directly to Psalm 41-9 after he washes his disciples' feet and predicts his betrayal by Judas.

[SPEAKER_00]: But this is to fulfill the passage of Scripture.

[SPEAKER_00]: He who shared my bread has turned against me.

[SPEAKER_00]: and perhaps most famously, Jesus quote Psalm 22, when He hangs on the cross, taking on the punishment of our sin, lamenting, my God, my God, why have you forsaken me?

[SPEAKER_00]: In His stunning act of love for us.

[SPEAKER_00]: When you pray the Psalms, you borrow a language that helps you express your pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: One that leads you towards God and not away from Him.

[SPEAKER_00]: Thirdly, practice gratitude.

[SPEAKER_00]: If you spend time looking at the Psalms of lament, you'll notice that they start in a low place, a place of despair, grief, torment or persecution, but they almost all end with hope and gratitude.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's as if getting the complaint out honestly before the Lord and petitioning God for help gives room in the Psalmist heart in mind to be reminded of who God is and either is faithfulness in the past or is promises for the future.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's another reason that's a good idea to pray the word during times of pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: Let's look at Psalm 13, as an example.

[SPEAKER_00]: Burses one and two began as you would expect from a Psalm of lament, how long Lord will you forget me forever?

[SPEAKER_00]: How long will you hide your face from me?

[SPEAKER_00]: How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and day after day have sorrow in my heart?

[SPEAKER_00]: How long will my enemy triumph over me?

[SPEAKER_00]: Here the Psalmist, David, complains very candidly before the Lord.

[SPEAKER_00]: He is not holding anything back.

[SPEAKER_00]: Versus three and four, then petitioned the Lord strongly, look on me and answer Lord my God.

[SPEAKER_00]: Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death.

[SPEAKER_00]: And my enemy will say, I have overcome him, and my foes will rejoice when I fall.

[SPEAKER_00]: but in verses five and six after complaint and petition have made room.

[SPEAKER_00]: The tone of the Sam shifts, but I trust in your unfailing love.

[SPEAKER_00]: My heart rejoices in your salvation.

[SPEAKER_00]: I will sing the Lord's praise for He has been good to me.

[SPEAKER_00]: This pattern of biblical lament is something that we can practice in our lives too.

[SPEAKER_00]: It might be especially helpful for those on the end of the spectrum who tend to get stuck in grief and pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: Practicing gratitude might begin in the smallest of ways.

[SPEAKER_00]: It might begin by borrowing the words of the Psalmist but I trust in your and failing love.

[SPEAKER_00]: It might be a list of gratitude that you keep and grow day by day.

[SPEAKER_00]: It might be taking a walk in nature with the goal of noticing the beauty of creation around you.

[SPEAKER_00]: The method matters less than finding ways to practice gratitude.

[SPEAKER_00]: In addition to following a biblical pattern, there is a huge body of research that shows us practicing gratitude is good for us.

[SPEAKER_00]: Compositively affect our resilience, our relationships, our sleep, as well as reduce stress and depression.

[SPEAKER_00]: Practicing gratitude does not erase our pain and grief.

[SPEAKER_00]: but it is a declaration of trust in God's goodness as we walk through it.

[SPEAKER_00]: Finally, practice community.

[SPEAKER_00]: Every step we've gone through until now is possible to do privately, and in the context of your one-on-one relationship with God, you can pray your pain, pray the word, practice gratitude, or by yourself.

[SPEAKER_00]: But you cannot engage this last important step alone, practice community.

[SPEAKER_00]: Grief can be an incredibly isolating experience.

[SPEAKER_00]: Community is God's gift to us to lighten the load of grief and pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: Community can help you hear God's voice when you can't hear it for yourself.

[SPEAKER_00]: Community can provide those steady foot steps beside you, helping you to pace yourself as you walk through the valley.

[SPEAKER_00]: I know this because it's my lived experience.

[SPEAKER_00]: As I walked through the experience of losing my father, then my brother, and now slowly my mother, I've been surrounded by faithful, praying people who know my story, from my husband and my family, to my life group, to childhood friends, to staff, here at Discovery, and also friends I have at Discovery.

[SPEAKER_00]: The ones who have shown me the love of Jesus by providing meals, giving a listening ear, praying for me, or simply asking, how's your mum?

[SPEAKER_00]: But he's the Kigar.

[SPEAKER_00]: In order to have community, we have to practice community.

[SPEAKER_00]: Practice being a verb, a doing word.

[SPEAKER_00]: whereby you make the choice to engage.

[SPEAKER_00]: Sometimes a disciplined choice, when you don't feel much like it, or you feel like you're too busy.

[SPEAKER_00]: Please trust me, the benefit of community is well worth the choice of community.

[SPEAKER_00]: So how do you choose community?

[SPEAKER_00]: Good news is, if you're here, you've begun.

[SPEAKER_00]: Gathering in a room like this or in our parents' room or in our online community, they are all different forms of community.

[SPEAKER_00]: However, these are just a starting point.

[SPEAKER_00]: Practicing community is best done in regular, small, up-close settings.

[SPEAKER_00]: Places like life groups or serving on teams together, or creating intentional time around the table, meeting with people.

[SPEAKER_00]: Not just waiting to you bump into the mid-church or at school pick-up, or at the shopping center.

[SPEAKER_00]: Community has been one of God's greatest gifts to me in the seasons of grief and pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: Surrounding me as I walk through the valley.

[SPEAKER_00]: But it does not fall into your lap.

[SPEAKER_00]: You and I must practice community.

[SPEAKER_00]: And I'd love to invite you to come on.

[SPEAKER_00]: As said earlier, the valley is not the destination of the dwelling place.

[SPEAKER_00]: It is something to be navigated through with our shepherd setting the pace.

[SPEAKER_00]: Now the getting stuck in the valley, nor running through it prematurely.

[SPEAKER_00]: So where are you?

[SPEAKER_00]: Perhaps I'm speaking to you at a time when you are right in the midst of a season of great pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: When you are trying to learn how to drive on the wrong side of the road and you feel out of your depth.

[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe, like me, you are someone who is trying to hurry through grief and pain.

[SPEAKER_00]: Or you've tried to distract yourself as much as possible in your own attempt to go around or run through the valley.

[SPEAKER_00]: Perhaps you or someone who is quietly decided, you are too busy for community, and it's not worth the effort.

[SPEAKER_00]: To help locate yourself, hear us some questions to reflect on.

[SPEAKER_00]: Where do I default to during times of pain?

[SPEAKER_00]: Have I been trying to rush through my pain?

[SPEAKER_00]: Or have I been stuck in it?

[SPEAKER_00]: Where am I, I'd be holding something back from God?

[SPEAKER_00]: What's one way I could practice gratitude this week, even in a small way?

[SPEAKER_00]: If you're practicing community, how could I lighten the load for someone in my community this week?

[SPEAKER_00]: If you're not practicing community, what can I do to change that?

[SPEAKER_00]: Knowing community is something I need to be intentional about.

[SPEAKER_00]: If you are in a season of lament or walking with someone through a season of lament, you might want to borrow this passage and pray it this week.

[SPEAKER_00]: Lamentations three occurs at the time of the full of Jerusalem to the Babylonians.

[SPEAKER_00]: Jerusalem was completely decimated.

[SPEAKER_00]: Lamentations is a memorial poem at the moment everything is lost.

[SPEAKER_00]: It's a very bleak context, full of pain and suffering from the Israelites.

[SPEAKER_00]: Listen to the grief expressed, but also, listen for the shift towards gratitude and hope.

[SPEAKER_00]: He has filled me with bitterness and given me a bit of cut of sorrow to drink.

[SPEAKER_00]: He has made me chew on gravel.

[SPEAKER_00]: He has rolled me in the dust.

[SPEAKER_00]: peace has been stripped away, and I've forgotten what prosperity is.

[SPEAKER_00]: I cry out, my splendor is gone.

[SPEAKER_00]: Everything I hoped for from the Lord has lost.

[SPEAKER_00]: The thought of my suffering and homelessness is bitter beyond words.

[SPEAKER_00]: I will never forget this awful time as I grieve over my loss.

[SPEAKER_00]: Yet,

[SPEAKER_00]: Yet, I still dare to hope when I remember this.

[SPEAKER_00]: The faithful love of the Lord never ends.

[SPEAKER_00]: His mercy is never cease.

[SPEAKER_00]: Great is His faithfulness.

[SPEAKER_00]: His mercy is began afresh every morning.

[SPEAKER_00]: I say to myself, the Lord is my inheritance.

[SPEAKER_00]: Therefore, I will hope in Him.

[SPEAKER_00]: The Lord is good to those who depend on Him, to those who search for Him.

[SPEAKER_00]: So it is good to wait quietly for salvation from the Lord.

[SPEAKER_00]: As I close, I want to pray for a so just invite you just to close your eyes.

[SPEAKER_00]: Lord, thank you that even in the valley, your mercy meets us.

[SPEAKER_00]: For those who are grieving, give comfort.

[SPEAKER_00]: For those who are weary, give rest.

[SPEAKER_00]: For those who are waiting, give hope.

[SPEAKER_00]: Maybe walk through our valleys with you beside us, trusting that your faithful love never ends, and your mercy is a new, every morning.

[SPEAKER_00]: Amen.