When You Believe in God but Won't Forgive

Well, we continue in our series based on the book, The Christian Atheist,

which is based on this idea that it's possible to say that we believe in God,

but live as though God didn't exist.

And our theme today is a particularly challenging one,

when we claim to believe in God, but won't forgive others.

The founder of the organisation Care for the Family, Rob Parsons, is a brilliant storyteller.

He's just this year published a book, a collection of his favourite stories that he tells.

One of my favourites is a story that he tells of how he was on holiday with his family,

and his son was in his early teens.

And his son was pleading with him to take him fishing.

They had never been fishing before.

There was a lake there, and they could see lots of very expert-looking fishermen.

He pleaded and pleaded and pleaded, and in the end, Rob Parsons said that he said to his son,

all right, let's go, but we haven't got any equipment, we'll have to improvise.

So they found the straightest stick that they could find,

and a piece of string and a safety pin, and I don't know what they did for bait, but they set off.

And they realised that it wasn't that long before the other fishermen,

who had all the proper gear, were laughing.

Well, they stood there, sat there, waited and waited and waited,

and were catching nothing, and were getting quite fed up of these other fishermen laughing at them.

So, anyway, Rob Parsons said he came up with a plan,

and he said to his son that there's a shop over there where they actually sell fish.

Not living ones, those that have already been caught.

Pretty big ones, actually.

He said, if I just go and buy one, I'm sure that we can somehow fake it.

So, his son, to his surprise, actually agreed to this plan.

So he went off, and he bought the biggest fish, I don't know what type it was,

but the biggest, most beautiful looking fish that he could find.

Somehow smuggled it back to where his son was,

and as discreetly as they were able to,

he got the safety pin and fixed this fish to the end of the piece of string,

and somehow tried to sort of nudge it out into the water,

and then waited and pretended to be fishing properly,

until there were as many people sort of in the area as possible to be able to see it.

And then he gave his son a nudge and said, right, now.

So they then pulled this fish out of the water,

and it swung across the water and back to where they were standing.

And people started to laugh even more.

And those that were gathering had stopped to watch what was going on,

just walked away.

And Rob Parson said he turned around and saw his own son was collapsed on the floor on his back,

reeling in laughter.

He said to his son, what's so funny?

He said, well, two things, Dad.

Firstly, you could have at least made some effort to pretend that the fish was already dead.

You could have just sort of moved the string a little bit,

but not just pulled it out like that.

But secondly, you kind of gave the game away

when you put the safety pin through the fish's tail.

Giving the game away.

Letting on what's really going on inside.

That's what this whole series, The Christian Atheist, is about.

You see, it's one thing for us to sort of put on the outward signs

of what it is to be a Christian believer.

It's one thing for us to come to church,

to be part of church activity,

to do Christianity outwardly.

And yet, that doesn't necessarily correspond exactly

with what is going on on the inside of us.

And that's why this is a really, really challenging series.

It's a really, the book on which it's based,

is a really challenging read.

Because it really brings us face to face

with many of the core things

that we claim to believe as Christians,

that we purport to be about.

And forgiveness is surely one of the biggest challenges.

You see, we claim to stand for forgiveness.

The gospel is about forgiveness.

It's about the fact that each one of us,

whatever we have done, have been forgiven by God.

And therefore, we are called, we are invited,

we are challenged to be a people of forgiveness.

To forgive others as we have been forgiven.

And yet, I know that you know what I'm talking about

when I say that that can be really hard.

Really hard.

Let's just get this out on the table a little bit more.

Let's just think about why forgiving people

is such a tough challenge,

or can be such a difficult thing to do.

You see, I think one of the reasons why

forgiving people can be so difficult

is because there's something deep inside of us

that tells us instinctively

that somehow there's something right

about not forgiving somebody.

There's something deep within us.

When we're introduced to that theme of forgiveness,

not in the abstract sense,

but when we think of that particular person,

that I've got to be careful how I point here,

it's a hypothetical point, okay,

that that particular person out there

that has offended us,

that, yes, we've somehow got to forgive

what they've done.

That means we've got to let go of it.

Because something tells us

that we're somehow morally right

to withhold that forgiveness.

To forgive that person

when they've done something wrong

seems to go against the fabric

with which the moral universe

is constructed.

Now, it's perhaps a bit different

if there's some sense of remorse

in that person.

If they're sorry about what they've done

and they own what they've done,

then it may still be hard work,

but it probably makes a lot of difference.

But I'm thinking about those situations

when somebody's done something wrong

and they won't accept it.

And they will not own it

in any way whatsoever.

There is zero remorse.

There's something in those situations

that somehow makes us feel inwardly

that we would be doing something wrong

if we were to just sort of let that go.

Because it would seem to be a denial

of the reality of what they have done.

And so something deep inside of us

is just telling us,

but, you know,

you ought not really to let that go.

But also,

I think the other thing

that can make forgiveness

so challenging and so difficult

is that it might not be just us

that has been offended

by the actions of the other person.

For example,

it may not be us

that's been wronged at all.

It might be somebody else

that we know

that has been on the receiving end

of what that person has done wrong.

And so for us to forgive them

can present that question,

well,

what right have I got

to forgive that person

for what they've done

to that other person?

I don't have the right

to give that gift of forgiveness to them.

Who am I

to forgive them?

So it's hard

and it's tough.

And before we go any further,

I want to say

that God's word recognises this

and it understands it.

See,

like many things

that we read about in the Bible,

we need to remember

that the whole reason

why it is in the Bible

is because

it is a difficult thing.

So,

when we read

of Jesus' teaching

which commands us

to forgive others,

when we read

of Paul's writing

here in Ephesians

which talks of the importance

of forgiveness,

we need to remember

that there's a reason

why it's there.

If there were no issues,

if forgiveness was easy,

then why would God

ever bother

to put it in the Bible?

The easy stuff

ain't there

because it doesn't need

to be there.

You don't need to be told

the stuff

that you just do

automatically.

The only stuff

we do need to be told

is precisely that stuff

because it is so difficult.

So when we read

challenging verses

in Scripture,

don't be put off

by it.

Don't be made

to feel small

by it.

Remember,

it's not because

there's something

weird or unusual

about you

that finds it's difficult.

The reason it's there

is it's God's word

for the whole

of the human race,

throughout the whole

of history,

which means

the issues

that it talks about

very often

affect absolutely

every single human being

that has ever lived.

So yes,

it's difficult.

Yes,

it's challenging.

And that is why

it's there

because it is so hard

and it's so challenging.

So where do we go

with it then?

Well,

first thing I want to say,

and it has to do

with this sense

that inside of us

we may feel deeply

that there's something

right about

holding on

to what's been done

that we don't want

to let go of.

Let's remember

that the command

to forgive

does not sidestep

the issue

that wrong

has been done.

forgiveness

is not about

downplaying

the reality

of what's been

done wrong.

It's not about

sweeping it under the carpet.

It's not about

denying the gravity

of the hurt

that has taken place.

In Ephesians chapter 4,

Ephesians 4 · chapter mention

which we just read,

in verse 26,

it says,

in your anger

do not sin.

Now just think about

what Paul might be

saying there.

He's saying

something that's

happened to you

that has made you angry,

don't sin

in your anger.

In other words,

there are two

separate entities there.

There's the anger

and there's the sin.

And what Paul is saying

that we need to be careful of

is the sin.

The anger itself

is not

inherently sinful.

In other words,

there is such a thing

as feeling angry,

as being angry,

but is not sinful.

If you've been

the receiving end

of something

and you find it

hard to forgive

and you're feeling angry,

that itself

is not wrong.

Which is why

Paul says,

in your anger

do not sin.

The question is

not whether we feel

angry or not,

the question is

what do we do

with that anger?

What takes place

with that anger?

Because there is

such a thing

as anger

that is not sinful.

So let's just

stay with this

because this is

so important.

The danger

is that we

misunderstand

what forgiveness

is about.

Forgiveness

is not about

changing the

objectivity

of the wrong

that has taken place.

One of my favourite,

probably in fact,

if I was asked

to say,

which part of

scripture do I feel

sums up the

Christian gospel

more than anything else,

I would go to

Luke chapter 15

Luke 15 · chapter mention

and especially

the story

that Jesus tells,

as recorded in

Luke 15,

of the prodigal son.

The story

where he says

there's two sons,

one of them

turns to his father

and says,

Dad,

I want my share

of my inheritance

now.

One day

you're not

going to be here.

I'd like my

half of it

now.

His father

sells half

of what he has

and he gives it

to his son.

And he goes off

and he blows it

on reckless living.

Eventually,

that son

has spent

everything

and he's in

a place of

desperation.

He has nothing

left.

His friends

have deserted him.

And a turning

point comes

where he decides

he's going to

go back to

his father

and he's

going to

plead for

forgiveness

and he's

going to

ask him

to be

accepted back

not as a

son but at

least taken

on as a

paid worker.

So he

rehearses his

speech.

He goes back

to his

father.

He goes back

to his

father and

the story

is told that

while he was

still a long

way off from

home,

the father

who's been

looking out

for him

sees him

returning across

the fields.

He runs

out to him,

he throws his

arms around

him and he

gives instructions

for a party

to be thrown

because this

son who was

lost has

come back

home.

He is found,

he is saved,

he is rescued.

It's a

brilliant story

which talks

of how the

loving father

welcomes every

single one of

us back home.

But the story

doesn't end

there, does it?

There's more

to it and I

think it's there

for a reason

because one of

the things about

that story that

I love so much

is the elder

brother.

The older

brother who's

been home all

this time

faithfully

working with

his dad.

Now don't

misunderstand it,

if you ever

tend to think

well I'm that

older brother,

well there's a

bit of both

brothers in all

of us because

the gospel is

for all of us.

We all need

to come home

to the father

because we all

go wrong at

some point.

But there's a

lot of that

older brother in

all of us I

think.

Where we can

relate to that

experience.

Well hang on a

second because

the story goes

that the older

brother goes up

to his dad and

he says look I've

been faithful to

you for years and

yet you've never

thrown a feast in

my honour yet this

son of yours,

this other son

who's taken it

all and squandered

it all comes back

and you throw a

great big party.

What's going on

dad?

It's not fair.

I can relate to

that can't you?

He's speaking a lot

of sense.

He's angry.

Now I might be

reading too much

in, I don't

know, I'm going

to take the

risk.

But I love it

when the father

goes up to the

son, puts his

arm around him

and he says

son, he doesn't

say half of what

I have here will

one day be yours.

He says son,

everything I have

is yours.

Think about that.

Everything that's

left is still

his.

He's not going to

do that thing where

he breaks up what

is left and carves

off half again to

his brother.

No, nothing has

changed as far as

the objectivity of

the situation is

concerned.

The other son has

not lost his

inheritance.

Now, as I say, I

might be reading in

more than is there,

but why is that bit

of the story there

at all if it's not

to say something

important to us?

And I think that

what important message

is in that is that

the message of God's

forgiveness and grace

does not undermine

or undercut the

objectivity of wrong

that has been done.

So if we're ever

tempted to feel that

there's something

inwardly wrong about

forgiving somebody

because to do so

would be to sort of

upset the moral

equilibrium of the

universe, that

there's actually

something inherently

intrinsically bad

about giving

forgiveness because it

undercuts the

gravity of what's

being done.

Well, we don't

find that in

scripture.

scripture doesn't,

when it talks about

forgiveness and grace

and mercy, does not

deny the reality of

what has been done

wrong.

It gives us a fresh

start.

Now, the issue of

where the offender,

the person that has

upset you, the issue

of where they are at

with God and where

they stand with God,

well, that's between

them and God.

It's none of your

business, it's none of

my business, it's

their business.

But what is your

business is the grip

that unforgiveness can

have on you.

You see, when we

refuse to let go of

something, when we

hold on to it, it eats

away at us inwardly.

And resentment and

pain and bitterness

leads to our own

self-destruction.

There is a Chinese

proverb that says,

he who plots

revenge on another

person should dig

two grapes.

You see, if we

refuse to let go,

if we refuse to even

attempt to let go,

if we hold that

sense of resentment

to us, it won't

just stay the same

size.

It will linger.

And as it lingers,

it will grow.

And I can guarantee

you this, the one

person that will

suffer more than

anybody else through

refusing to forgive

will be the person

that refuses to

forgive.

It hurts, it

lingers, it

grows, it

hurts, it

lingers, it

grows some more.

It hurts, it

lingers, it

grows even more.

And so with it, all

of the pain and the

self-destruction that

goes with it.

You see, this

call, this

challenge to

forgive is

actually for our

own benefit.

God knows the

damage that we do

ourselves when we

refuse to even try

to let go of the

hurt that others

have done to us.

Christian

Corrie

ten

room painted a

very, very

helpful picture,

I think, of

what this is

about.

Because

forgiveness,

forgiveness can

be a process.

Sometimes God

can just step

in and change

things around

inside us to

the extent that

we're able

somehow to

just immediately

let go of

something.

But more

often than not,

I would suggest

that perhaps it's

more of a

process.

forgiveness may

be that the

pain hasn't

kind of gone

straight away,

but it's

rather about

agreeing to

resolve to

that process

whereby we

commit ourselves

and say,

okay, I'm

going to try

to forget

this person.

I'm going to

try to

forgive this

person.

I'm going

to embark

on that

journey,

on that

process of

letting go.

Back to

this picture

of Corrie

Ten Boones.

She said,

I want you

to imagine

that you

walk into

an old

church and

there's hardly

anybody in

there, but

you hear a

bell being

rung and

as you walk

in, you

see in the

porchway,

there's a

rope hanging

down from

the bell

tower and

there's a

man there

who's pulling

on this

bell, making

it clang.

You walk

into the

church and

there's

actually nobody

else in

there at

all.

You make

your way to

the front and

you sit down

and all you

can hear is

the sound of

the bell

clanging away.

After a few

moments you

hear footsteps

coming up the

aisle and

they're footsteps

of somebody

who then

turns and

walks in

front of you

and sits

down beside

you.

You turn,

you face

them and

you see that

it's the

person that

was ringing

the bell.

Yet the

bell is

still ringing.

You can

still hear

it.

And you

think to

yourself,

how on

earth can

that bell

still be

ringing?

Because the

bell ringer

is right

here.

And so you

turn around

and you see

what has

happened.

The bell

ringer has

let go of

that rope.

The bell

hasn't stopped

because it's

still swinging.

ringing.

You sit

and you

wait for

a very,

very,

very long

time.

And as

you wait,

so the

swinging

slows down.

The momentum

is lost.

The sound

quietens

out.

The sounds

of the

bell become

less frequent

until eventually

it fades

completely.

To the

extent that

it's hard

to actually

pinpoint the

exact moment

in time

where the

bell stopped

making a

sound.

Forgiveness,

says Corey

Ten Boom,

works rather

like that.

That it

can be a

process,

but in

order for that

process to

start,

you've got to

let go of

the rope.

And it

won't be

immediately

obvious,

perhaps,

at first,

but in

time it

will.

And with

God's help

and with

God's

strength,

over the

course of

time,

that pain,

that bitterness,

that resentment,

gradually fades

to the extent

that perhaps we

may not be

able to tell

exactly what

point in time

it stops

completely,

but eventually

it will.

But in

order for it

to happen,

we've just

got to do

the one

thing,

let go.

through a

hand,

he

can

get

what