Intimacy as Covenant

I guess most clergy would say this,

but I think we could probably all of us write a book

about some of our experiences in pastoral visitation

and all that kind of thing.

And I want to tell you about Marge,

who was a very elderly lady in the first parish in which I served.

And Marge, she had various antisocial habits

which we don't need to go into.

But she did have a large dog called Bruno.

She told me, and I felt sad when she told me this,

she said, Bruno is my life.

And when I first started my job,

my vicar, the guy who was supposed to train me,

gave me a list of people,

and I would take communion into their home.

You'll know about that, you know, if you're not well,

somebody will bring communion to you.

So I went around to see Marge,

and the moment I got through the door,

I could see Bruno was going to be an issue.

He bared his teeth at me to begin with,

and she said to him, it's okay, Bruno, he's a friend.

He's a really intelligent dog.

He understood every word she said.

So he temporarily withdrew,

and I sat down,

only to discover that Bruno fancied to sit down as well,

and came and jumped on me and sat down on top of me.

And so regularly in Marge's home,

I would lead the first part of Holy Communion

with a dog sitting in my lap.

It even got to the point where she said,

would you mind bringing a spare wafer,

because I think Bruno would like one.

I'm like, well, you know, I don't know about that.

She said, well, you do think there'll be dogs in heaven, don't you?

I'm like, as long as they don't make a mess,

they can welcome you.

How would you describe that relationship?

I don't think most of us would say

Marge had an intimate relationship with the dog.

I think you would say she had a dependent relationship.

I think you might say that she had an affectionate relationship.

But to call a relationship intimate

is to take it into a different field, isn't it?

Partly because in English law,

until relatively recently,

to describe a relationship as intimate in a court of law

would mean it would be a sexual relationship.

But the word intimate also has another sense to it, doesn't it?

It means when we know something so well,

it's like second nature to us.

We can anticipate.

It was said of the chief engineer

of the Saudia Williams Formula One racing team,

no man had more intimate knowledge

of Formula One engines than this man.

Intimacy is a kind of strange word for us

because ultimately,

we all crave intimacy,

but many of us are scared of it.

The thought that we might be known

is something that's very scary to many of us.

Somebody once said,

when they were asked,

what's the secret of your success?

I racked my brains this morning

trying to remember who it was.

What's the secret of success?

They said,

to not get found out.

Well, that's kind of vaguely amusing,

but it's also pretty sad, isn't it?

So, in Psalm 139,

we learn a very foundational truth.

And let me tell you, friend,

you're in church this morning

and you can appropriate this truth

through your head into your heart.

It will completely recalibrate

a lot of stuff in your life.

It will change you.

And I know in relationships,

you know, for crying out loud,

I've been married for 40-odd years.

You know, don't you,

if you're a married person,

don't put your arms up.

But have you ever had this thought,

if she changed,

if he changed,

things would be a lot different around here.

The only thing is,

there's only one change

you can take responsibility for,

and that's you.

And what's going on in your soul,

and what's going on in your life.

Listen to these words.

Deb read them too.

I don't know,

you know,

every time I read these,

this psalm was nicknamed

the Hound of Heaven.

Starts off with these words.

Oh Lord,

you have searched me

and you know me.

You know me when I sit

and when I rise.

You perceive my thoughts

from afar.

This is a God

who at one level

is awesome

and is the

sovereign Lord

of the universe

and the earth,

the heavens,

all that therein is.

Believe it or not,

he's even sovereign

no matter what happens

with Brexit.

Doesn't mean we shouldn't be

attentive to what's going on.

But whatever we decide

about Brexit

won't let the Lord

of the throne of heaven.

Is that right?

But this Lord

who is so

awesome

is the same Lord

who knows you

intimately.

You ever thought about this?

What it says in the Bible

is not my idea, right?

It says,

before a word

is on my tongue,

you know it

completely.

I tell you,

in the past,

there have been some words

on my tongue

I didn't even know

God knew those words.

That's how intimately

you are known.

I'm always struck

when I read

in the epistle

to the Ephesians,

you know that amazing

verse,

Ephesians 2 verse 10

Ephesians 2:10

I think it is,

where it says,

you are God's workmanship.

You might be at a stage

in your life

where you look in a mirror

these days

and you think,

well, you could have done

a better job there.

But that's not

what God sees.

What God sees

when he looks at you.

However hurt you feel,

however aching you feel,

however messed up you feel,

however hidden you feel,

he sees what you could be.

And when he sees that,

it gives him real pleasure.

And the only sadness

in all that

is when we resist

becoming what we could be

because,

well,

that's just me.

That's just us.

you remember in the book

of Genesis,

there was this

amazing narrative

about, you know,

God makes the world

and then there's

this beautiful garden.

And the man and the woman

are told,

you both can do

whatever you like

in this garden.

There's just one thing.

just one thing

that you can't do.

And that is,

you must not go

and pluck the fruit

from the tree

of the knowledge

of good and evil.

You remember that bit?

And then this

blooming snake shows up

who has

really

good,

you know,

speaking.

This is a snake

that can talk.

And he tempts Eve

and she goes

and picks the apple,

takes a bite of it.

You know one of the

first things the Bible

says happened after that?

It says in verse

8 of chapter 3,

do you not believe me?

Go look this up.

It says,

they heard the sound

of the Lord God

walking in the garden.

Immediately after

she'd taken a bite

of that fruit,

they hid.

And friends,

human beings,

maybe you and me,

spend our lifetimes

hiding.

Because we're frightened

that if somebody

had intimate knowledge

of us,

they might reject us.

success

is not being

found out,

then basically

what we're saying

is our lives

are a lie.

We're just

pretending.

And do you know

that word pretending?

It comes up in the

New Testament

a fair bit.

Remember when Jesus

started to speak

to the fantastically

committed religious

people of the time,

the Pharisees.

I mean,

we have them

written off as the

kind of New Testament

baddies.

But actually,

they were serious

about their faith.

They prayed

five times a day.

Put your hand up

if you pray five times

and don't do it really.

I'm just making a point.

Right?

They gave 10%

of their money.

The treasure

is getting aroused

at this point.

And then they gave

on top of that 10%

free will offerings.

These were people

who were the

respectable religious

people of the moment

and Jesus tore

into them.

Called them

hypocrites.

That's a world

borrowed from

the world

of Greek theater.

Do you remember

the world

of Greek theater?

Everybody wears a mask.

To hide

their true identity.

Lord,

you've searched me

and you know me.

And the amazing

thing about

covenant grace

is that though

you've searched me

and you know me,

you still love me.

And you still

want to reside

in me.

And you still

want to change

my life

and you want

to liberate me

to be the person

that I could be.

Imagine.

I wonder

how many of you

have relationships

that you would

like to go

further but

somehow they

get kind of

stuck.

It's not that

anything's bad

about the

relationship,

it's just that

you feel this

relationship could

be more.

I sense that.

If a lot of

people in

marriages think

about that,

they think,

you know what,

this,

this,

do you have

this,

I have this

sometimes,

you know,

I feel I

know my

wife inside

out.

And then

some days,

she'll just say

stuff to me,

I'm like,

where did that

come from?

Why would

anyone think

that?

And the

problem with

that is,

as I said,

many of us,

if we feel

we're in a

relationship

that's kind

of peaked

early,

we kind

of think

the responsibility

for the

last yards

of it

are the

other person

I'm in

relationship

with.

Listen,

here's a

very seminal

universal

truth

that could

free you

today.

That if

you could

truly believe

that God

knows you

intimately,

and yet

he still

loves you,

you could

be released

to start

to understand

intimacy

in your

horizontal

relationships

with your

relationships

here on

earth

in a new

way.

For if

the God

of the

heavens

and the

earth

and

universe

and all

that there

is,

could look

at me

and know

me

and still

love

me,

wouldn't

that be

something?

it's not

my thoughts,

this is what

scripture

reveals to

us about

the God

we worship

today.

So I

want to

speak a

word of

you to

those who

feel you

might be a

bit stuck

in a

relationship.

We'd like

it to go

more,

listen to

me.

Improvement

in any

of your

relationships

is virtually

entirely

down to

you.

you can

spend your

life wishing

the person

that you

want to be

friends with,

you want to

be married

to,

would be a

different kind

of person,

but in the

end, it

will be your

behavior that

changes them,

not your

moaning at

them that

changes them.

I know

that nagging

feels like a

good blood

sport,

but it

doesn't

change the

world,

does it?

what could

I show

of myself

in the

friendships

that I

have?

I'm always

amazed when

I go to

places and

preach.

I was

speaking to

a bunch of

men in,

is there a

place called

Froome?

Froome?

Yeah,

somewhere in

England.

and I

talked to

these men

and I

was talking

about,

you know,

how the

Lord had,

you know,

taken a

total moron

and sort

of changed

his life

around.

And at

the end of

it,

there's a

guy in the

audience who's

a bishop.

And he

was a

bishop in

Kenya,

though he's a

white guy,

he was a

bishop in

Kenya,

he sticks

his hand

up,

says,

may I ask

a question?

I'm like,

well,

I think you're

going to

anyway,

but,

you know.

He says,

how would

you say

the way

your father

treated you

influenced the

way you

cared for

the clergy?

I'm like,

wow,

you know,

that's a

googly and

a bouncer,

all in one

delivery.

So I

said,

well,

I'm sure

it must

have in

some ways.

I'm sure

it must

have.

But listen,

there's one

of my

former clergy

sitting there.

Why don't

you,

no,

you stand

up,

no,

tell him

how you

think I

behaved

partially

towards the

clergy.

And the

phone went.

No problem,

I've done

it myself.

where was

I?

I was,

and so

this guy

says,

well,

my,

you know,

it's a mixed

bag,

actually,

what he said.

He said,

you have great

communication skills,

anybody,

you know,

people love

listening to you,

blah,

blah,

blah.

He said,

but probably

pastoral stuff

is not your

strength.

Where's

this going?

He said,

but fortunately,

your colleague,

the Bishop of

Swindon,

was brilliant

pastoral,

so you made

a great team

together,

and,

and,

and,

I thought,

oh,

well,

you know,

I have to

hear that.

You know,

I felt it was

from the Holy

Spirit to hear

that.

You know,

I have to say

that even

though my

regular visits

to March

provided me

enough

information

to write

a book.

I am not

the kind

of person

who finds

it that easy

to listen

to the same

person tell

me the same

story of their

hip replacement

over and over

again,

and still look

interested,

right?

I tell you,

I could do

a hip replacement.

Here's my

point.

At the end

of that

meeting,

these guys

were coming

up to me

saying,

whoa,

what did

you do?

I said,

what do you

mean?

They said,

you let that

guy talk

about you

in a pub,

he could have

hung you out

to dry.

Somebody pretty

well did,

as a matter

of fact.

They said,

we can't

believe anybody

would be

that honest.

So,

you know,

my thought

was,

so it

would be

better if

I lied.

Well,

some of you

have taken

that option

in your

life.

You have

decided it'd

be better to

tell lies

about who

you are

than be the

person you

are because

you're scared.

Actually,

if people knew

what you were

really like,

oh my goodness,

they would

reject you.

And you need

to hear this

message very

clearly,

very loudly,

in a way that

goes through

your head and

into your heart.

If the God

of the heavens

and the earth

and all that

therein is,

knows you

better than

you even know

yourself,

knows what

you're going

to say before

you even say

it,

and still

loves you,

there's got

to be hope.

Hope for me

and hope for

you.

So to the

people who

are stuck in

relationships,

just think

about this.

Maybe at the

end of the

service,

I'm sure there's

a prayer team

hanging around

somewhere,

they're always

lurking somewhere,

aren't they?

They're there,

they're going

to get you

sometime.

Where will

they be?

They'll be

by the

giving bowl.

you need

to go get

that sorted

out.

The second

thing is,

this is

really tricky.

A lot

of us,

sometimes,

I mean mostly

through our

experiences of

life,

are never

really sure

whether anybody

really loves

us.

What's that

lingering doubt,

you know?

And some

of us

involve

ourselves

in neurotic

behavior.

behavior.

And it

goes like

this,

I am

a very

rejectable

person.

I'm in a

relationship

with you,

so I will

act out

behaviors that

test whether

you really

love me,

till I

overdo it

to the

point where

you chuck

me out,

and then I

say I was

right all

along,

I'm

rejectable.

It's

very tiring

for both

parties to

a relationship

in that

kind of

context.

some of

us

need to

hear again,

I'm not

trying to

feminize the

gospel or

anything like

that,

we need to

hear again

that this

God loves

you more

than you

can ever

imagine,

that this

God sent

his son

onto the

cross of

Calvary,

so that

the bits

of you

that you

don't like,

the bits

of you

that you

want to

hide,

that's the

straight old

hymn that

we sang

earlier said,

it gets

nailed to

the cross,

it's done,

Jesus said

from the

cross,

consummatum et,

sorry he

didn't speak

Latin,

it is

finished,

it's done,

you can

stop hiding,

you can

come out

from the

bush,

you can

know

that this

God loves

you,

and the

evidence for

that is

the cross,

a piece

of history,

even the

most ardent

atheist would

not seek to

try and

disprove that

the cross of

Calvary was

a place where

Jesus Christ

was crucified,

they might

dispute who

he is,

but the

historical fact

is solid,

bearing shame

and scoffing

rude,

in my place

condemned,

he stood,

seal my

pardon with

his blood,

hallelujah,

what a

savior.

I think

if you're

the person

who is so

insecure that

you have to

keep testing

out your

relationships,

then you

need to go

get help as

well.

intimacy

in the

hands of

God means

that you

are known,

you are

known better

than you

know yourself

and that God

who knows

you loves

you,

and he offers

you the

invitation to

become the

person that

you could

be,

you could

be,

by submitting

to him.

You know,

there was

a,

I used,

I was once a

movie star,

appreciate that,

right,

which technically

means I was an

extra in a movie

called General

Pattern,

Blood and

Guts.

I took place

in my

hometown of

Knutsford in

Cheshire,

and all the

letters,

we were given

these long

shorts to wear

and boots

like kids did

in the Second

World War

allegedly,

and I didn't

even get a

mention at the

Oscars.

But one of

the things,

so when I

got into

kind of

teenage years,

I got

interested in

General

Pattern,

who was a

very,

I suppose

you would

say he was

a very

aggressive

military

leader,

and one

of his

jobs was

to come

up through

Italy towards

the end

of the

Second

World War,

driving out

enclaves of

Nazis and

their

collaborators,

and they

tell the

story of

the day

when he

got on

the back

of his

tank,

put his

berry on

and addressed

the men

who'd been

fighting for

weeks.

They were

tired,

they were

smelly,

they were

hungry,

they were

just not

in the mood,

and he did

his big

speech thing,

he said,

men,

some of you

today will

lose your

lives,

some of you

will lose

your guts,

many of you

will lose

your friends.

He said,

but we need

to take that

hill up there,

and I can't

march with you

if you're half

committed.

So would

you put

your hands

up if

you're

willing to

march,

and one

by one

these grubby

men put

their hands

in the air

and the

army marched,

and the

hill was

taken.

Let me

ask you

something.

Do you

think General

Patton could

have taken

a hill

with a

half-committed

army?

you know,

would you

think if

I just

said,

yeah,

okay,

how many

of us

realistically

say,

yeah,

okay,

to God?

This

course of

messages that

you'll be

hearing over

the next few

weeks,

not from

me,

someone say,

thank God.

It's about

growing commitment,

deepening

commitment.

that's what

God is

looking for

in you

and for

you.

And friends,

finally,

just a

footnote.

The footnote

is this,

that if,

as many,

many churches

do,

their mission

statement is,

you know,

to know the

love of God

and share it

with those

around us,

yada,

yada,

yada.

What kind

of church

do we

need to be

to be the

kind of church

that makes

people come

who feel

they may have

a lot to

hide,

come out

into the

open

and know

God in a

new way?

I was

really encouraged

about our

church recently.

I was talking

to a young

couple who

were here.

They'd only

come because

their parents

were Christians

and they

kind of

dragged

them along

on a

Sunday

morning.

And,

you know,

it's likely

to be a

one-off

because I

don't think

they had

any commitment

to coming

back.

They just

had a

commitment

to kind

of keep

in with

their mom

and dad.

So I

said to

them,

she explained

their situation,

I said,

do you come

here often?

They said,

no,

we've just been

out.

And then

this woman

said to

me,

this is

the

friendliest

church I

have ever

been in.

And my

heart skipped

a beat.

And

oftentimes

when I was

in local

church ministry,

when our

church,

every church

thinks they're

friendly.

You know,

I've taken

hundreds of

church weekends,

you know.

So what do

you,

the people of

St.

Grottis,

think your

main show,

oh,

we're very

friendly?

I said,

so do you

get a lot

of people

who come

once?

They said,

yeah,

we do,

yeah.

Quite a lot

of footfall

past our

church,

yeah,

we go.

I said,

why don't

you go

and talk

to them?

Find out

how friendly

you really

are.

Listen,

the warmth

of God's

love,

if it's

genuine,

will bring

people out

of hiding.

And the

glorious

liberation

of the

gospel

is that

we could

become

the people

that God

wants us

to be.

Come on,

we can do

this.

We can do

it together.

What it

needs is a

move from

you.

Stop

hiding.

Stop

doubting

God's love

for you.

Stop

just talking

to your

friends in

church.

Go look

at some

people you

never seen

before.

and be

friendly to

you.

By the

way,

if there's

anybody

here for

the first

time today,

I apologize

if you get

absolutely

consumed at

the end

of the

service.

It's

well-meant.

Oh,

Lord,

you've

searched

me,

and you

know me.

God,

I find it

hard to

believe that

the God

of the

heavens and

the earth

and all

that there

is could

know me

and still

love me.

And he

knows you

and he

still loves

you.

And he

invites you

out from

behind your

bush,

from behind

the tree,

so that

he can do

his work

in you.

Your life

will be

transformed,

your

relationships

will be

transformed,

and you

start to

edge towards

becoming the

people that

God wants

you to be.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.