Giving and Sharing Sacrificially

In Luke's Gospel, in chapter 19 and verse 37, we read these words just a moment ago.

When Jesus came near the place where the road goes down to the Mount of Olives,

the whole crowd of disciples began joyfully to praise God in loud voices for the miracles they had seen.

Some years ago, I think it was my eldest daughter's 18th birthday,

and we decided that we would all go out as a family, which in our case is quite a logistics exercise anyway.

We went to this, it wouldn't be fair for me to give the name of it, but it begins with TGI.

And we went to this restaurant in High Wycombe, and in we went to celebrate my daughter's 18th birthday.

And we sat there for a while, and then a waitress came and took a drinks order,

and then we sat there for a very long while, and she returned with a menu and a notebook and took our orders.

Then she disappeared for an H, and our starters arrived.

And then she disappeared for an eon.

And eventually she brought our meals out, which sadly looked okay, but were pretty well stone cold.

At that point, my wife had been restraining me.

I went to the waiter and I pointed out the deficiencies of their service and the food that they'd finally turned up with.

And he was very apologetic.

He offered me a 10% discount, which I managed to get up to 50% before violence broke out.

But I thought to myself, yeah, the whole thing was just a dreadful letdown.

And then I thought, actually, if I think about my life,

some of my worst behaviors have arisen from situations where my expectations have been shattered.

In the world of management science now, it's a big deal.

You get this phrase all over the place.

People talking about the management of expectations.

You put that into Google, within 0.39 of a second, you'll get 189,000 hits.

189,000 hits on managing expectations.

I don't know if we ever managed them.

What I want to talk to you about today is,

how do we learn to live with those expectations that we've had in our lives that we felt let down on?

And okay, let's be honest, I got over that meal pretty quickly.

But other expectations in my life may be more important expectations.

Relations counselors will tell us that one of the biggest problems that people encounter in their relationships

is that of unfulfilled expectations.

Back in the day when I was in local church ministry, shortly after the Reformation,

I used to have young couples come.

We had a very nice church in the middle of a field that people wanted to get married at.

And they would show up there, and I would say to ask them questions like,

So have you discussed money together?

I'm like, no.

Have you discussed having children together?

No.

I said, do either of you have any ideas about either of those two subjects?

Yeah.

I said, so you have some expectations of how you're going to handle money

and what you're going to do about children,

but you've never talked about it.

It taught me that.

Actually, it's very easy to have expectations of what's going to happen in your relationships,

and it's not difficult to feel let down.

I suppose if I were being totally transparent with you,

I would have to let my wife come up here and have a few words at this point.

But I'm not going to do that.

People starting new jobs start with expectations.

I was talking to the chief executive of a large company recently.

He was saying he was interviewing one of those, sadly,

much maligned kind of groups within our population we call millennials.

Very maligned group of people.

And he was just about to give a spiel about,

at the end of the interview,

we'll give you an opportunity to ask any questions you might have.

And the young man said, I have a question already.

He said, yeah.

I said, what's this job going to do for me?

The guy goes, CEO goes, ooh.

We have a job here we need you to do.

I hope it will do something for you.

But actually, my interest in this interview is, can you do the job?

You see, can you, how quickly expectations can drift in different directions and cause difficulty.

I could realize one of the most inadvertent but smartest things I ever did

was when I got to my first parish where I was the minister, senior minister.

And I went to our church council meeting and I took a flip chart with me.

And I said to the PCC, so what do you think my job is?

I shout and stuff out.

We're like on the fourth page.

And I stopped them.

I said, so would any of you like this job?

They're all like, of course not.

I said, does anybody think there's any human being stalking the earth who could do this job?

They're like, well, of course not.

So I said, but actually you're very happy to put that on my shoulders.

They're like, well, you're paid.

So what we did was, we did, you know, I said, look, this is what I can do.

And here is the three and a half pages that I can't do.

And I'm not saying they're not important, but I can't do that.

So we're going to have to work out how do we do that together.

I didn't realize how smart that was.

But I tell you, it saved me a lot of sleepless nights and stress.

Jesus entered Jerusalem to a mood of great celebration.

Comes out even more.

I mean, you may or may not be aware of this, but this little narrative about Jesus,

the so-called triumphal entry into Jerusalem, is recorded in all four of the Gospels.

It must be there to teach people like you and me something really important.

In the other three versions of it, the celebratory aspect of it is even clearer.

Luke tells us it was the crowd of disciples.

The other Gospels tell us it was the whole crowd.

And as you well know, in Mark's Gospel and Matthew's Gospel,

they cut down palms from trees and chucked those on the road

and didn't record that their cloaks were put on the road.

Something's going on.

Why would the crowd that shouted,

Bless God and Hosanna,

why would that crowd, just a few days later,

be the same crowd that shouted, Crucify?

Something had gone wrong.

Dorothy L. Sayers, in 1941,

wrote her play, it was actually 12 little plays for radio,

called The Man Born to be King.

One of those plays was about Judas.

Of course, you know that Judas betrayed Jesus

and went behind his back and sold his soul for 30 pieces of silver,

which we're not quite sure what that would be worth today.

It could be anything between 70 pounds and 2,900 pounds,

but not a lot of money to give somebody's life over to the enemy.

And Dorothy L. Sayers' theory was that Judas suffered from shattered expectations.

She said that what Judas thought was that Jesus, the Messiah,

was entering Jerusalem to lead a political mutiny,

to overthrow the occupying Roman forces.

And when they saw him tied up and beat up and dragging a cross,

something snapped.

You know, they could see he was not going to fulfill the purpose

they thought he had come to fulfill.

And their expectations were shattered.

And the mood of the crowd turned ugly.

And they shouted, crucify.

And if you've ever thought, you know,

about that little piece in the epistle of James,

which is a very challenging piece of scripture,

James says, the tongue, the very same tongue

that you use to bless God

is the very same tongue you use to curse human beings.

Hosanna.

Bless God.

Hosanna literally means in Hebrew, save now.

What that crowd was shouting

was in effect when Jesus entered Jerusalem,

they were shouting political slogans.

It's a bit like, I'm not making a political point here,

believe me, I'm just making an example.

It's a bit like, you know, you hear the chant,

Tories out.

Well, the shout, save now, Hosanna,

was a political rant.

And it would imply that what they were shouting

was Romans out.

No wonder the governor,

Pilate,

was very nervous

when he heard this kind of insurrection arising.

But here's my point,

and this is what I want to try and help you with,

and in helping you help myself with,

is how do we deal

with expectations

that are let down?

Broken expectations,

hopes dashed,

disappointment in spades,

and behavior

that are out of control,

behaviors that are out of control.

Of course,

that leaves us

with the very difficult question.

And I know

that in a group this size,

some of you will be suffering

from this big time.

And it's this,

how do we deal

with disappointment?

How do we deal

with our lives

when we've been

deeply disappointed?

I can remember now

only too well

as a young fellow

at 15,

16 years old.

I wanted to be

a professional footballer,

and I was reasonably good

at football,

and I got a certain way

with that,

and in the end

I was told,

actually by the manager

of the enemy,

Manchester City,

that I would never be good enough

to play

in the old first division.

I mean,

I tell you that now,

I mean,

a few days time,

I'll be 70 years old.

So,

whatever 15 is from 70,

somebody shout it out.

55?

55,

I can still feel

the disappointment

in the pit of my stomach

at being told that news.

And I can remember thinking,

I wasn't a believer then,

I wasn't a Christian,

I had nothing inside me

to fight that kind

of disappointment.

So I just got angrier

than I already was.

Acted out terrible behaviors.

And disappointment

can do that to you.

It can break your relationships,

it can break your heart.

And I know,

you know,

having been a pastor

for the last 40 years,

how much disappointment,

disappointment,

how much shattered

expectations

can affect us.

And my observation is,

we have a number of ways

of kind of

trying to cope with this.

Some of them are healthy,

some of them are not so healthy.

One way of dealing with it

is,

you just give up.

And when I was told

I wasn't good enough

to play

first division football,

I went off in a sulk

and played rugby league.

Some people just give up

in their relationships

when their expectations

are let down.

A woman said to me

recently,

she said,

we'll have been married

for 65 years.

And she said,

he's not the man

I married.

I'm like,

I bet you're glad

about that,

aren't you?

She's like,

you know.

Some people just give up.

Others push on resentfully.

You know,

we're talking about

expectations.

What about those of you

who feel let down by God?

Right?

But you're still

showing up in church.

But deep down inside,

week by week,

you are smoldering

with resentment.

thinking that

this God in heaven

dealt you

a tough set of marbles,

if I can use

a technical theological phrase.

That's what some people do.

They don't deal

with their lack of expectation.

They just kind of carry on.

But they carry on

with resentfulness

and bitterness

in their hearts.

Then there are those people,

I suppose I was like this

when I was young,

you just lash out.

I don't mean necessarily

physically,

but verbally,

whatever.

You just become

deeply unpleasant.

You know,

and of course,

you can see deep unpleasantness

in other people,

but sometimes you can miss it

in yourself.

I don't know,

I was a

Seinfeld fan,

American TV sitcom

when I was younger.

And what's so clever

about that program

is that everybody

on it is basically horrible.

But somehow,

they end up making you

like them.

Well,

it doesn't happen like that

in real life,

does it?

People who are

deeply unpleasant

end up being

deeply isolated.

The fourth thing is,

and this is where

it starts to get

a bit more healthy,

is we sort of reset

our expectation

dial.

Somehow,

it dawns on us

that our expectation

is unreasonable

and we need to

just shift it.

So,

you know,

if you're marrying

somebody who you think

is perfect,

I mean,

honestly,

this is true,

right?

It shows you

how way

what I was.

When I got married,

I thought

I was a real prize.

I said,

why are you laughing?

I thought I was

a real prize.

I thought,

you know,

women get,

I'm uncomplicated,

I'm easygoing,

you know,

I'm happy-go-lucking.

I'm actually not

at all like that,

it transpires.

I'm complicated

and,

you know,

I'm not easy

and,

you know,

I don't want to be like that

but somehow

I feel like St. Paul,

you know,

when he said,

the good I want to do

I find myself avoiding

and the evil I want to avoid

I find myself doing.

I don't want to be like that.

How come I am?

Well,

some people

will just reset

their expectation dial

and if you think

the person you married

is perfect,

you probably need to do

a little resetting exercise

pretty quickly

because nobody

apart from Jesus Christ

who walks this planet

is perfect.

It's true.

And the last thing is

and this is what really

takes courage

and takes work

and sometimes

takes somebody

to sit with you

to help you do it

is we can renegotiate

our expectations.

See how?

You know,

when I gave my life

to Christ

I came from so far out

it was unbelievable.

I mean,

I won't bore you

with it now

but honestly

the trajectory

of becoming

a bishop

in the church

my trajectory

is not normal.

I mean,

for a kicker

as far as I can tell

most of them

were converts

to a Christian faith

like me.

You know,

I was brought up in it.

I was never brought up in it.

But when I became

a Christian

I very quickly

discovered

what my life's mission

was.

And everything

that had been important

to me

ceased to be important

to me

and what God gave me

as my life's mission

became really important

to me.

If we're living

with

damaged

expectations

then

we are going to

find life

a little tricky.

Of course

we know full well

that throughout

the whole arena

of Christian history

and even before that

there were disciples

who gave up.

John chapter 6

John 6 · chapter mention

and verse 66

very interesting

numerology

for those of you

who are interested

in that kind of thing

666

the mark of the beast

it says that

several of the

disciples of Jesus

gave up.

And there are

disciples of Jesus

today

who give up.

And it's worth

remembering isn't it

that at the end

of three dynamic

years of Jesus

healing ministry

where thousands

of people

if you include

the feeding

of the 5,000

thousands of people

were touched

by the supernatural

ministry of Jesus.

There were only

120 people

left

immediately

before

the day

of Pentecost.

You can read

about that

in Acts chapter 1.

Acts 1 · chapter mention

And there is

the likelihood

that some of you

will give up

and I hope

and pray

that you really

won't.

I want you

to just

focus for a

moment

as I come

to an end

on some

things that

you could do

which might

help some

of you

make a

massive move

forward

in your

spiritual life.

First thing

is this.

You will

never deal

with disappointment

unless you

try and feel

it strongly.

Let me say

that again.

You will

never deal

with disappointment

unless you

can feel it

as strongly

as you

can.

If you

just allow

it to

gnaw away

at you

in a kind

of low

level way

that's

exactly

what it

will do

and it

will stay

with you

for the

whole of

your earthly

life.

If you

can feel

it strongly

then you

might be

able to

let go

of it.

Second

thing you

could try

is this.

Like the

psalmist.

You know

what I love

about the

psalms is

how outrageous

people are.

You know

we Anglicans

come together

and you're

oh mighty

God blah blah

blah blah

yada yada

not the

psalmist.

You know

in the

Hebrew

there's one

psalm

where it

says in

the Hebrew

where the

hell are

you God?

You know

are you

stuck in

the loo?

We need

to bring

those strong

feelings

before God.

Sometimes

they're better

said to

God than

to someone

you love

as a

matter of

fact.

And let

them kind

of sail

with him.

God can

deal with

your

disappointment

even if

you can't.

The third

thing is

remember

with God

all things

are possible

but not

all things

are probable.

You know

this is one

of the

things where

I think

people of

faith live

in a

kind of

shadow.

On the

one thing

wanting to

believe that

with God

all things

are possible

and by

very

definition

because

God is

who God

is

all things

must be

possible

but why

doesn't

everything

I want

to happen

happen?

You know

why haven't

I got a

yacht?

You know

why am I

not driving

around town

in a big

beamer?

You know

why do I

still struggle

in so

many ways?

I don't

think we

should ever

lose sight

of the

fact that

with God

all things

are possible

but we

should also

work out

that what's

probable is

that what

God might

do for

me is

more likely

to be

driven by

my own

ego and

self

selfishness

than it

is by a

genuine

desire to

see God's

will done

in my

life.

Fourth

thing is

really

important.

You know

I really

don't like

to hear

preachers

who will

tell you

that if

you trust

God your

life will

become

comfortable

and all

your problems

will be

over and

it doesn't

work like

that does

it?

Trusting

God is

not always

the most

comfortable

option.

You ever

seen that

picture of

Saint

Sebastian?

You know

this is one

of God's

faithful

soldiers

and servants

and the

most commonly

known

seen

picture of

Saint

Sebastian

is

there's

this guy

nailed to

a cross

like Jesus

was

except that

somebody's

fired about

28 arrows

through him

while he's

on the

cross.

You're like

I wonder if

Saint Sebastian

was feeling

comfortable

at that

moment.

God

doesn't

promise you

an easy

life.

he promises

you a

fulfilled

life

and you

need to

think about

that.

The fifth

thing is

always be

open to

a new

move from

God

and the

sixth thing

is hang

on in

there please.

I'm going

to close

with a

story about

I say he's

a friend of

mine and

I probably

haven't seen

him for

37 years

now.

We're that

close.

And he

was a

licensed lay

minister in

the church

where I was

a curer.

And he

was married

and they

had their

first child

and this

child was

severely

severely

disabled

child.

For the

first year

of this

child's life

he virtually

never stopped

screaming.

all through

the night

really

difficult

stuff.

And

you know

there's this

kind of

drip feed

from the

doctors

about quite

how acute

his condition

was.

And they

were told

he would

never live

past the

age of

five.

In fact

he lived

until he

was 18

years old

and then

he died.

One night

it got

so bad

Colin went

into

Matthew's

room

and he

picked up

a pillow.

He was

about to

put the

pillow

over the

baby's

head

and suffocate

little

Matthew.

They put

the pillow

on the

baby's

face

and he

heard a

voice.

A voice

said don't

do that.

This is

my child.

It's

like you

know maybe

I need to

change my

medication.

Starts to

press down

on the

pillow.

The voice

comes again.

Don't do

this.

This is

my child.

They took

the pillow

away and

it's like

what was

that voice?

So he

went to

see the

local

vicar.

The local

vicar said

I think

very likely

God made

a move

in your

life.

It's

like well

why would

God allow

my child

to be born

like this?

The vicar

said I

cannot

answer that

question.

But I

think God's

making a

move in

your life.

The

upshot

it was

Colin

and his

wife gave

their lives

to Christ.

And when

Matthew died

at the

age of

18 they

told me

that at

Matthew's

funeral

Colin stood

up and

said the

only thing

that I

got right

with that

little boy

when he

was first

born was

we gave

him the

name

Matthew

because

Matthew

was an

evangelist

and he

led his

mummy and

daddy to

Jesus

Christ.

Listen

to me.

You

got

disappointment

in your

life that

you're not

dealing with.

I want to

plead with

you.

Do

something.

Feel the

disappointment.

Try and

hand it

on.

Speak

openly and

honestly with

God.

Let it

go.

It may be

most

important and

those of

you who

feel this

will know

it.

It may be

that you

need a new

move of

God in

your life

and I

can't make

that happen.

all I can

do is

plead with

you.

Just be

open to

this God

who can

do a

mighty move

in your

life and

can transform

the deepest

parts of

your

disappointment

in a way

that you

would never

dare to

ask or

imagine.

To him

be glory.

Let's

not be

part of

that crowd

that shouts

Hosanna one

day and

shouts

crucify just

a few days

later.