Love of Another Kind

I guess we are living in a time when most people are agreed that our society is as divided as

it probably has been. You know, you go back into the realms of history, you would probably say that

our society was divided during the Wars of the Roses and a little later in history with the

great Protestant and Catholic divide in this country. But right now, things seem very, very

divided. Brexit or no Brexit, hard left, hard right, the north, the south divide, pro-multiculturalism,

anti-multiculturalism, liberal, conservative, the list goes on. And some of that stuff still

smoulders in our society. In the context of that, it would be a brave person or alternatively a total

idiot who would stand up in front of you and try and say something about love in our culture, not least

that rather terrifying piece of scripture that we just had, where Jesus has said, you've been told

that, you know, in the law, that you must love your neighbor but hate your enemy. But I say to you,

love your enemies. I guess, you know, we kind of read that stuff and we say, yeah, you know, maybe

one day. But actually, loving our enemies is something really difficult for you. As Sonia reminded you

today, we're kicking off in this church on a new series based on a book which I don't possess, I've

never read, and very likely never will do, called The Fruitful Life, written by a guy called Jerry

Bridges. And the first chapter of the book, of course, speaks about what others have called the mark of the

Christian church, the badge of the church. And that is, we're meant to be loving. It was very encouraging

for me, and I hope it will be encouraging for you. That would be about three months ago, I think it was

around Christmas, that a young couple came to our church, and I think the only reason they came was

that their parents had the habit of church going. It seemed a bit, you know, mean not to come with them

on Christmas Day. And so they showed up here, and I went to talk to them after the service, as I'd not

seen them before. By the way, if it's your first time, don't worry, I'm not going to track you down

or stalk you or anything like that. So I went over to them and started to talk to them, and the first

thing the lady said to me is, I had no idea church could be so friendly. Oh, that's really good, you know.

And I imagine if you're a member of this church, that makes you feel good. But what I can tell you

is that having spoken at, I would think, at least 500 church weekends over the period of my ordained

life, if you ask any church what their strength is, they'll always tell you, oh, we're very friendly

here at St. Grotti's. I would say to them, go and ask the people who only come once.

Because it's natural that we gravitate to our friends, that we like to see our friends, we like

to talk to our friends, and the great danger of that is that the people who are not our friends

don't necessarily get a look in. A bit more about that later in the service. But we're talking about

love today. And when you read the title of a book called The Fruitful Life, the biblically

literate amongst you will immediately switch to Galatians 5, where Paul writes about the fruit

of the Spirit. And basically what he does there is he lists a load of kind of qualities,

which actually, if we live them, would be living the life that God intended for us.

Let me just remind you what Paul says. He says, the fruit of the Spirit is love, chapter one of the

book, peace, sorry, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness,

and self-control. Paul goes on, he says, against such things there is no law.

This is a massive challenge, it seems to me. You know, I can remember, you know, thinking

when Anthea and I had five children all under the age of ten. You kind of think, where's the

peace and the peace and the forbearance and the goodness, faithful gentleness and the self-control

all gone to? Didn't feel like a kind of banner over our house at that time in our lives.

So it's a challenge for us. And then, you know, that verse at the end of the reading, you know,

be perfect. Be perfect. I mean, come on. You know, we're not like that, are we? You know,

we have our imperfections. And I was just talking with one of you before the service saying, you know,

I am, I'm 70 years old and I am, you know, I've learned the flaws in my life. But it's really

difficult eradicating those flaws. And you're all looking like me, like I am the only person for

whom that is true in this place. And Paul then, before he talks about the fruit of the spirit,

talks about something which he calls the acts of the flesh. This is the way we're not supposed to

live. And it reads like this, sexual immorality, impurity and debauchery, idolatry and witchcraft,

hatred, discord, jealousy, fits of rage, selfish ambition, dissensions, factions and envy,

drunkenness, orgies and the like. I warn you, says Paul, as I did before, that those who live like

this will not inherit the kingdom of God. Don't shout out, but I wonder which, you know,

is the fruit of the spirit more true in your life or is the acts of the flesh more true in your life?

And if it's the latter, I would suggest you get prayer ministry pretty quickly at the end of the

service. The fruit of the spirit is God's design plan for a fruitful life. And immediately there are

two problems. One, it's really hard for us because those behaviors are not necessarily natural to us.

They are, to use a word, counterintuitive. And all these fruits only make sense in the minefield of

what we call human relationships. You can't love in a vacuum, though some people apparently try.

It's hard to think you might experience any joy if you were the only person on the planet,

though occasionally it crosses your mind. I remember years ago, the one and only time

Anthony and I went on a marriage enrichment weekend. And it was in this beautiful house in Cambridge,

one of the oldest houses in the United Kingdom. And when we got there, I was interested.

All the women were gathered around the cake table speaking animatedly. All the men were gathered down

the far end looking like cows waiting for a storm to break. And we went into these various...

One of the exercises, I remember this well, was we were given a list of those fruits of the spirit.

And the guy starts out by saying, would you like to give yourself a mark out of 10 on how you would

rank yourself? How loving are you? How joyful are you? How patient are you? I tell you, I scored well.

Better than I ever did in any university exam ever. Then the guy said, now pass the piece of paper to

your partner and ask them to mark you. I didn't do that well. Right? See, that reminds us that there's

another problem that you and I can add to the list. And it's something that psychology calls delusion.

Thinking. Thinking that we're better at something than anybody else on the planet thinks of us.

And it's a really difficult problem. I don't know if this is exclusively true, but as far as I can see,

having worked, well, being a man and having worked with men extensively over the years,

it does seem to me to be a very observably a man thing.

You have no idea how many men I've met from the northwest of England who were double sure that if

it wasn't just for a bad stroke of luck at one point in their lives, if it hadn't been for that,

they'd have been playing for Manchester United.

So today, I'm here to talk to you about the first fruits,

first of the fruits that Paul talked about love.

And as our reading, I mean, if it didn't make you think this, you know, let me just help you out for a moment.

As our reading reminds us, we're not speaking about love as our culture understands it.

In their excellent book, which is called The Coddling of the American Mind,

and you'll be like, well, what's that going to do with me? I'm not American.

Well, they've researched in America, in Canada, in Australia, in the UK.

And one of the things they've discovered, they say that one of the wrong things that is being taught in our culture is

everything, we can only trust our feelings.

That's a million miles away from the kind of world in which I was brought up,

in where really you were told not to give any attention to your feelings whatsoever.

We've come to full swing of the pendulum now,

and according to these guys in their book, after extensive research,

what they're saying is that today's culture in those countries I mentioned feels things very strongly.

So if I feel that you have said something to me which is racist, it is racist, it is fact.

If I feel that you have been bullying me, you are a bully.

They also say that today's worldview is that the world is full of people who are either good or evil,

but today's culture defines evil as those people who don't agree with me.

Thus social media.

So when we're talking about love in the Bible,

the one thing, I'm sure you've heard this said many times,

is that the Greeks were kind of sophisticated people.

The New Testament was written in Greek originally.

You do meet people through life who are members of the Prayer Book Society,

and you say to them,

sorry, who like the authorized version of the Bible,

you ask them, why do you like it so much?

Some of them talk about the language and the poetry.

Some of them seriously believe it's the original translation of the Bible.

The Bible was first written, the New Testament was in Greek and handed to us.

So everything that we read is a translation,

but the Greeks had four different words for love.

There was a word that they used that was sexual love.

There was a word that described family love.

There was a word that described friendship love.

And then there's the word that the New Testament uses most,

especially when the word love is used as an imperative,

when we're told to be loving.

And it's the word, you know this, it's the word agape.

So you say in America, agape.

I mean, we speak English, what do they speak?

So this word agape is interesting because its primary appeal is to the will

and not to the heart.

In other words, it's not primarily about what I'm feeling.

It's about what I'm wanting for the person in front of me.

That's why it is the stuff of long-term relationships.

I think we have a view that we can only think about love

as kind of champagne and roses and preferably chocolate thrown in.

Whereas the real stuff of love is actually quite tough.

It's about wanting the best for those around you.

See, it would be inconceivable, wouldn't it,

if Jesus had told us that we should feel really kind of slushy inside for our enemies.

It's not going to happen.

If, on the other hand, you set your will to want the best for your enemies.

I heard somebody put it like this.

It really helped me as somebody who's managed to make quite a few enemies in my life,

not purposely but inadvertently.

That if somebody becomes your enemy,

tell God that you want to become part of the salvation history of that person.

Even if you can never be friends.

In other words, you want to be part of their transformation for good.

You know, I always think about, you know,

how would you respond if you felt God call you to go and be a missionary to ISIS?

You wouldn't mind a bit, right?

I mean, you know, the very thought,

would that fill you with trepidation?

Would you be anxious about that?

And would you think that you could ever feel really good in your heart

about people who, if they got a hold of you, would behead you?

Could you ever set your will

to want the best for them

in the hope that God might turn their hearts

away from their mindless violence?

I don't know the answer to that,

but I think it's somewhere around that.

And look, here are some things that you need to know.

The first thing is just that the kind of love we're called to model

has its origin in the kind of love that God has for us.

So where it says in Scripture,

God so loved the world,

it means God so agape the world.

We're called to love those around us.

By this, said Jesus,

people will know you're my disciples

if you have love one for another.

The third thing is,

how on earth can we ever love our enemies?

Or even, as Jesus suggests in this passage,

can we find ourselves loving the people who don't love us?

What Jesus said is it easy to love the people who love you?

What about the people you're not sure about?

I.e., quite a lot of people in the world.

Where do you find the energy for that?

And the fourth thing is,

that it seems to me that there are three primary drivers

that drive this idea of agape love.

One is grace,

two is forgiveness,

and three is persistence.

So I want to talk to you.

I want you to have some take home from this talk.

So I just want to say some things about this agape love.

And I'm going to have to leave you to work out

where can I apply this to my life this week.

The first thing is,

this agape love,

which has its genesis in the heart of God,

is meant to start in the new community,

the church.

And we don't love one another.

If we don't model that love between us,

how is anybody else ever

going to get the idea that this is love of another kind?

This is the kind of love

that means that I might even be able to say,

yes, I can love my enemies.

And I'm not saying in that

that I think Christians have a monopoly

on doing good in the world.

I don't believe that.

I think it is

just self-evidently true.

I know many amazing people

who are not Christians,

not people of faith,

but who frankly put me to shame.

What I am saying is

that a Christian who doesn't show this kind of love

is a counterfeit Christian.

Second thing I want to say to you is,

it will demand sacrifice on your part.

Loving your enemies,

even loving the people

who you don't think love you,

is a challenge.

And you will probably have to make

some kind of sacrifice.

You might have to climb down from something.

You might have to do something.

And again,

what's observably true in our world

is that there are a lot of people

who walk around talking,

you know,

using these kind of lofty phrases like,

I want to make a difference.

I want to optimize my influence on the planet.

You know, that kind of stuff.

But they want to do it without realizing it,

that it's going to take sacrifice.

It's going to cost you something.

The third thing is,

it demands initiative.

We need to be,

as followers of Jesus,

people who always make the first move.

I want to say,

and you know,

this is so close to home for me.

So in our family,

we had a situation

where we had an amazing relational breakdown.

As a lot of things do in families,

it involved money.

And, you know,

one party feeling that the other party did.

And we have a long,

actually,

we have a long history of it in our family.

My great-great-grandfather

was killed in a carriage accident in Philadelphia.

My grandfather was sent over here

with a massive sum of money for his education,

which our family in the Northwest

embezzled every last cent of

and sent into a poor school in Anko's.

So we've got,

you know,

we've got a good track record.

And this,

you know,

it's amazing how these things

kind of carry on in families.

And we ended up

in a real dogfight

with a,

well,

the closest relatives we've got now.

And it was a relative of my wife,

and we were so sure they were so wrong,

and they were so sure they were so right,

and ten years.

I'm standing in pulpits

telling people they should forgive each other.

And it dawned on me,

we're the Christians in this environment.

We've got to make the first move here.

Tentatively.

Tentatively.

We just push the boat out a bit.

Tentatively.

They could have dropped a bomb on the boat,

but they pushed the boat out a bit from their side.

We pushed the boat a bit more.

They pushed it.

We met with them this week.

Probably the fifth or sixth time we met with them

over a ten-year period

since we had no contact with them for ten years.

It was the best yet.

And I went,

you know,

I said to Tentatively,

can you believe that we were ever like that with them?

And I wouldn't mind an educated guess.

There aren't people in the house today

who find themselves,

you know,

families are complicated these days,

aren't they?

See,

if you're a follower of Christ,

you need to take the initiative.

The fourth thing is,

imagination will help you.

And I can't make you imaginative.

I can just tell you,

it really helps.

I mean,

I love the story of the Good Samaritan in this sense,

don't you?

The guy didn't just banj him up and take him to the inn.

He then got his wallet out and said,

send me the bill.

He can stay as long as he likes.

I aspired,

would I have thought of that?

Depends on what kind of hotel it was.

You know,

if it's five star,

he's in and out as far as I'm concerned.

Fifthly,

oh my gosh,

I find this so difficult.

Do you?

You must avoid hasty judgments.

You know,

I'm a kind of,

if I was a pan,

I'd be quick to the boil.

And as dogmy all my life,

make it,

you know,

there are people with needs

who instinctively I want to avoid.

You know,

I have a cleanliness obsession,

so,

you know,

it's really difficult when

somebody who smells really bad

and is not shaved

and got scum around their mouth.

And when they come to me

and, you know,

want me to hug them,

I'm like,

ooh,

you know.

And what would Jesus do?

Huh?

What would Jesus do?

So,

I want to encourage you.

If you think about

how many people are out this morning,

maybe 70 of you,

right?

Just suppose

we agree together

that we'll try and improve

the care capacity of this church

by 5% this week.

Is there anything you could do

to add to that 5%?

I'm talking to some people who,

you know,

as far as I can see,

I've got a PhD in caring anyway.

I'm just wondering

if we could raise it 5%.

Maybe that would mean

picking up the telephone

and talking to somebody

who either you've had

a bit of a tiff with

or maybe somebody you know

suffers from aching loneliness.

Or maybe somebody,

do you have people in your life

you know you should have been

in touch with,

but it's kind of gone on

a bit long

and you,

you know,

you're like,

what will happen if I...

phone her.

Maybe it would mean

writing somebody a card.

I mean,

unless you can't write,

we could all do that.

Maybe it would mean

baking somebody a cake

and taking it round.

You know,

I love this about

one of my daughters

goes to a church

in Newbury

when she had a baby.

It was all a bit...

got a bit complicated.

And that church

supplied a meal

every night for a month.

I was like,

we need to join that church.

We developed this thing

in my diocese

that if we had somebody

who was long-term sick

or had a spouse

who was long-term sick,

we'd give them 200 quid's

worth of cook tokens.

You know what cook is?

It's a really, like,

posh food shop.

No, it's not like

a chipper yet.

And they do...

They've got chefs

who prepare amazing food

and all you need to do

is heat it up.

You have no idea

what that small act

of kindness

did for people

who are going

through a tough time.

And we should be

looking for those people

who are in need.

You know,

I was taught in college

that my neighbor

is the person

around me

in need.

And we live in Cleveland.

I love living in Cleveland.

I've lived in a lot of places

in my life.

I have never loved living

in a place

like I like living in Cleveland.

Someone say amen.

I love it here.

But there's quite a bit

of need around,

especially down

our end of town,

down the hill.

You think that

just by doing

some small,

menial act

of kindness

this week,

that we could lift

the care potential

of this church

by 5%.

I think you could do this.

I really do.

And I,

you know,

I've got no way

of checking up

whether you did.

But just think,

the care potential

of the church,

which is already

pretty good,

I would say,

but improved

by 5%.

Maybe you need

to go volunteer

for something.

You know,

somebody,

I think it was,

I'm sure she's here today,

Jean's not here.

She sent a thing

around saying

they need volunteers

in the school.

I can't remember

what it was for,

but one morning

a week.

Could give that

a shot.

This love thing

gets very complicated.

If you think

that love

and intimacy

and all this stuff

can only be

encompassed

within physical love

and champagne

and roses love,

you're going to live

your life

in a very disappointed way

because life

ain't like that

forever.

And that's why

persistence

is important.

And if you persist

in acts of kindness,

there's even

brain chemistry

that demonstrates

this,

you will have

a more fulfilled

life

and you will have

a more fruitful

life.

I was in Sainsbury's

in Clifton Down

one day

and I was

doing my

usual

impatient thing.

I thought

I'd join

the shortest

queue.

And the guy

at the front

of the queue,

some old guy,

you know,

it's like,

does he think

this is a personal

counselling service

here?

You know,

he's talking

away there

and girls

talking back

to him,

talking back

to him.

I was just

about to leave

the queue.

There's an old

lady in front

of me,

never forgotten

this.

And she clearly

was a person

who lived

on her own

and she got

a couple

of carrots

and a chop

and a small

amount of

vegetables,

a couple

of potatoes.

She gets

to the front

of the line.

By this time,

I'm like,

losing the will

to live.

She pulls

out of her

purse

the oldest

ten pound

note I've

ever seen.

She hands

it to the

girl in the

check-in.

Lady says,

you don't

have to pay.

She's like,

yeah,

but I want

to take this

home.

She's like,

no,

you don't

have to pay.

She's like,

well,

why not?

She said,

because the

gentleman

in front

of you

has paid

for your

shopping.

He disappeared.

In a

moment,

I had a

fresh

understanding

of what

grace is.

God's

love

shone

when the

person who

receives it

has done

nothing to

earn it.

And I

thought about

my

previous

behavior.

Just get

out of here.

You know,

I've got a

life to

live.

What's

wrong with

you?

And I

learned

something.

And I

think it

changed me.

Not enough,

but it

changed me.

You start

doing these

menial,

undramatic

acts of

love,

and you

start to be

changed by

the God

who loved

you enough

to send

his son

to a

painful death

on a

cross so

that you

could know

forgiveness

and you

could be

healed

and your

flaws

could start

to be put

right.

You know

what?

I'm really

optimistic about

this message

because I

think you

could do

this.

And even

though your

body language

might be

indicating

something

different,

I think you

would like

to do

this and

you would

like to

be

transformed

with the

hope that

your little

effort might

transform

others.

See, the

great thing

about this

agape love

is it

spills over.

If we

just trapped

it in the

four walls

of the

church,

that would

be good,

but it

wouldn't be

good enough.

God so

loved what?

The?

The world.

And he

calls us to

love it with

that agape

love.

Come on.

Let's get

the heck out

of here and

do it.

In the name

of Jesus and

the people who

agreed,

said together.

Amen.