Self Control

This morning we're in the last of our series looking at the fruit of the Spirit.

Let me read to you from Galatians chapter 5.

Galatians 5 · chapter mention

The fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, generosity, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

And it's self-control that we're thinking about this morning.

There's a saying that you can't control the actions of others, but you can control your own actions.

That's challenging and it's true.

We need to ask ourselves the question, how easy is it, really, to control our own actions?

Quick experiment.

Remember, remain seated, but lift your right foot just a few inches above the ground and make circles in a clockwise direction.

That's important.

Clockwise direction.

Now, I know a number of people are listening to this on the podcast and if that's you, you can do this at home.

Please don't do it if you're driving right now.

Okay, so you've got a clockwise direction with your right foot.

Now, raise your right hand in the air and with it, I want you to draw a great big number six.

What happens to your right foot?

Now, I think if you practice that long enough, you probably could train your brain to coordinate that one.

But, you know, it's that automatic response, isn't it?

It changes direction.

We think we have control.

We'd love to have control.

We live in an age where we feel that we can control just about anything.

We can order anything we want anytime, wherever we are in the world and have it delivered to us as quickly as we can.

We get very upset when we feel that we no longer have that kind of control that we feel that we have a legitimate claim to.

Now, controlling the self is not that straightforward.

And in order for us to think about that properly, we have to think more widely about the Christian understanding,

the biblical understanding of the human condition.

In other words, what it is to be a human being.

A very, very old-fashioned word and a word that we probably don't use much in everyday language

because it sounds unfashionable and out of date, but it's the word sin.

And that word is so important if we are to understand properly what the Bible teaches us about what it is to be a human being.

Forget notions of lists of things that we think are wrong.

That's not really ultimately what that word sin refers to.

Rather, it refers to that thing within us that continually moves us in the directions that lead to destruction

and leads us in a direction that is not good.

That's what it is.

It's a power.

It's a bias within the human heart.

Every single one of us, every human being alive has some sense of right and wrong.

No matter how we live that out, we all have some sort of sense of what's right and what's wrong.

Sure, there are grey areas that we can discuss.

We have disagreements among ourselves as Christians, but the point is, as human, it's fundamental to what it is to be a living human being,

to have a kind of a moral compass.

We might not always do what is right, but we have a sense of what is right.

It's part of what defines us.

And yet, no one's perfect.

Now, that may sound like an obvious cliche, but why?

Why are we not perfect?

It's puzzling, isn't it?

Why we should all have this instinct as to there being something called right and something that's wrong

and all the difference between those two things.

And yet, we would really probably want to do what's right, but we don't.

And no matter how hard we try and set out genuinely to do the right thing, we don't.

It's a pattern that recurs in every time and place throughout human history.

It unites all of us.

We're not perfect.

That, to me, is one of the most compelling things, one of the most compelling things,

about the whole Christian faith, because of the way in which it understands the reality of what it is to be a human being.

There's no pretending anything.

There's no sweeping anything under the carpet.

You know, we have this mysterious bias, this gravitation to do the wrong thing,

even though we know what is right and even though we want to do what is right.

Sometimes we can find even the harder that we try to do the right thing,

we seem to get it wrong and trip up over and over again.

An illustration that I've heard and have used many times is,

imagine if you're going into the shopping, to do shopping in a supermarket,

and you get one of those really big trolleys.

Sometimes you put your pound or your little token in or whatever,

you pull it away and then you walk through,

and you soon notice that one of the wheels is stuck or bent or warped,

and it starts a judder, and it's a strain to push it straight forward.

So you're walking forward like this, and it keeps veering off to one direction.

You want to go straight ahead, it wants to go right.

So you have to push it. It takes effort.

You really, really want to go to the fruit and veg,

and yet it insists on heading for the real ale and the pastries.

Yeah?

So you've got to work at it.

It's that bias that even though you've got in your mind the direction you wanted to take it in,

it insists on veering off.

That is a kind of an image as to what the power, the gravitational pull,

the bias that we refer to when we use that word sin, is.

And throughout the scriptures, we find this idea develops,

that we live not in a spiritual vacuum,

but everything has a spiritual dimension to it.

And so the language that is deployed, particularly in the New Testament,

is that of a battle, that we are fighting a spiritual battle.

A lot of the time we forget that, we're not aware of it,

we're not tuned into it, but that's the reality.

So every choice, every decision comes loaded with that spirituality.

Self-control then matters,

because if we don't get a handle on ourselves,

it's too easy just to veer off in the wrong direction.

Even though we, inside ourselves, know what's right and wrong,

and we want to do the right thing,

we find that so hard.

The other thing that we need to know about self-control,

is that when we think about it,

we probably naturally think that it's all about avoiding doing bad stuff.

That self-control is about, you know,

don't do this and don't do that.

But self-control applies as much to positive things

that we should do,

as much as it does to negative things that we want to avoid.

For example, praying.

How often do we find in our experience

that we just don't feel like praying,

or we struggle to get started?

I think of loads of times

when I find that it's a real effort

to actually motivate myself

to get down to doing some serious praying,

or reading the Bible.

I can find all sorts of reasons not to,

and I find it's a real struggle to get there.

So that, again, is a positive thing,

but it requires self-control.

Once it's got started,

I often find, actually, it's great.

Where do we go?

But sometimes overcoming that initial hurdle,

again, is a challenge for self-control.

So, self-control applies not only to what we're trying to avoid doing,

but also to the positive things

that we're trying to embrace and to do.

So, let's get down to the story, then.

Let's be frank about this.

It's a corker of a story.

It's a juicy one.

It's extreme.

King David,

the God's chosen one,

hero

of the people of Israel,

is in his palace,

and late one afternoon,

he gets up,

he looks out the window,

and he clocks

a beautiful-looking woman.

He obviously watches her for a while,

thinks about it,

gives instruction

for her to be brought to him.

He's told that she's married

to somebody.

That doesn't stop him

having sex with her

and getting her pregnant.

When he finds

that she is pregnant,

he tries to cover it up.

So he hatches this plan.

He says,

bring her husband back from battle,

and I'll give him

all the royal treatment

and then send him off

with his wife,

and hopefully,

in a few months' time,

everyone will think

that it's his child.

Except that when the soldier,

the husband,

comes home,

he's too much integrity

to do that.

He says,

I'm not going to go home

and live in luxury like that

when all our soldiers

are out there

risking their life.

No,

I'm going to sleep

with the rest of the servants

this evening.

So he does.

Two nights,

David tries this

and it doesn't work.

So off he goes back to battle

and he gives instruction instead

to put him on the front line

of the battle

where all the action is

so that he'll get killed off

and that's what happens.

Now,

when we listen to this story,

it's very easy for us

to think,

well,

of course,

that's really extreme.

You know,

and it seems such a huge gap

between David's actions

and the place where we are

that it can be almost hard

to relate to

and think,

yeah,

that's one thing

but if we're trying

to get a gauge

of what self-control means

by learning from such extreme actions,

well,

it's too hard.

We need to start

with something

that's closer

to our own experience.

let's not think that.

It's a dangerous thing

if we begin to think

this actually

isn't anywhere close

to being on our radar

because if we do so,

we misunderstand

the reality

that what we have here

is a universal principle.

things start small

and become big

and they can do so

without us actually

being conscious

that that is what

is taking place.

You see,

this is how bad things

can escalate

into terrible things

if we're not mindful

of self-control.

Remember,

David was God's anointed.

He had had some

exceptionally

profound

spiritual experience

of God.

If you'd have asked him

back then

at an earlier point

if he would ever

end up doing

what eventually

he did end up doing,

he would have not

believed you.

You see,

sin escalates.

Bad stuff escalates.

It started

with a thought

when he clocked

Bathsheba

in the shower.

But it didn't

stay as a thought.

Another illustration,

and it's one

that I have used

before,

but it's

the best one

I know

for,

I think,

helping us

to understand

and engage

what I'm trying

to talk about here.

There is a way

in which Eskimos

go about the business

of catching wolves.

they take a dagger

and they get

another animal

that they've killed

and they dip

the dagger

in the blood

of that dead animal

and freeze it.

And then they do it

again,

freezing another layer

of animal's blood

around that dagger.

They repeat this process

over and over

and over again

until they freeze

layer upon layer

upon layer

to eventually

they've got

a block of ice,

red ice,

frozen animal blood,

in the middle of which

is a dagger.

They put that thing

in the middle of the snow

and they walk away

and they leave it overnight.

Wolf comes along

and catches a sniff

of the blood.

It likes the smell.

So it begins

to lick

at the

frozen blood.

The more it gets,

the more it craves.

The more it craves,

the more it gets,

the more it gets,

the more it craves.

It cannot

satisfy its craving

until it licks

away and away

and away,

licking layer

upon layer

away

from this knife

until eventually

the ice

has gone,

the wolf

has consumed

all of that

frozen animal blood

yet it still

cannot get enough

of it

and so it licks

away,

this time its tongue

is lashing away

on the edge

of that bare knife.

Eventually

it drowns

in its own blood.

You're looking forward

to your next

strawberry split

ice cream now,

aren't you?

That's the subtlety

in which these

things work.

They get a hold

of us

at a very small

level.

Then,

without us knowing,

they escalate.

This is why

this story,

as extreme

as it may be,

teaches us

some universal

human principles,

spiritual realities

from which

none of us

are immune.

you see,

the human mind

is something

of a mental

greenhouse.

In verse 2,

we see David

walking around

on his palace

and he sees

Bathsheba.

A thought process

is then set

in motion.

Somewhere

between his

observation

and his

actions

things

lie a decision.

And it may not

be easy to pinpoint

exactly where that

took place,

but it took place.

Somewhere between

our thoughts

and our actions,

there lies that

point of decision.

And self-control

is about

learning to

discern

where those

points are.

St. Paul in

the New Testament

talks about

the dynamic

of taking

every thought

captive,

being aware

of the thought

processes

that are going

on inside us

and growing

on inside us.

But notice

actually

where

all of this

starts.

It doesn't

start

at the

point

where

Bathsheba

is brought

before David.

It doesn't

even start

at the

point

where

he

tells

his

officials

to

bring her

to him.

It doesn't

even start

at the

moment he

sees her.

It starts

much earlier

in verse

one.

In the

spring of

the year,

the time

when kings

go out

to battle,

David sent

Joab with

his officers

and all

Israel with

him.

They ravaged

the Ammonites

and besieged

Rabbah.

But David

remained in

Jerusalem.

It was the

time of the

year when

kings would

normally be

expected to

go out to

battle.

But David

for some

reason, and

we're not

told why,

doesn't.

He stays.

He's in the

wrong place.

And had

it actually

been in the

right place,

then none

of this

could have

even begun

to emerge.

And a

question, and

I want to

suggest that

this is the

most universal

question that

we can put

to ourselves

when we

read this

passage, is

what is our

wrong place

for whatever

it is that

we may

struggle with

when it

comes to

self-control?

what's the

wrong place?

What places

do we find

ourselves most

vulnerable when

we're trying to

control those

things that will

pull us in the

wrong direction?

Now for each

of us that will

be a different

thing.

I'm going to

just describe

just a few

which give a

hint of the

sort of things

that 20

years as a

minister now

I've listened

to people's

stories, things

where things

have gone wrong

in people's

lives and

brokenness and

the sort of

picture I get

as I think

back over many

conversations over

the years that

I've heard, and

again if you're

listening to this

on the podcast,

wherever you are

right now, ask

yourself the

question, are

you in the

wrong place as

you're listening?

If a struggle

area for us

is gossiping.

If it's

something that

actually, yeah,

we do but

perhaps we only

recognise it

after we've

done it and

we've been

talking with

a group, make

that an area

of prayer and

next time you're

with others and

the conversation

begins to pick

up on the

subject of

people who

aren't with

that group at

that point in

time, walk

away, just

get out of

that place.

If your

wrong place is

that you're

just spending

too much time

on the

internet, and

this is so

much harder

now because

there was a

time not so

long ago when

to be on the

internet then

sat in front of

a computer, it

doesn't now

because we have

handheld devices,

it's not quite as

easy, it's more

challenging.

But if you

find that you're

spending too

much time, that

that's your

wrong place,

whether you're

spending too

much time or

whether you're

on the wrong

kind of sites

and engaged in

the wrong kind

of activities,

then impose some

kind of barrier

on yourself.

Switch off your

device, put it

away in the

drawer, turn off

your modem,

whatever it may

be, but get

out of that

wrong place

before destruction

begins.

If you find that

you're drinking

too much of the

wrong stuff too

much, or eating

too much of the

wrong stuff too

much, too

frequently, the

wrong place is

not necessarily

wherever that may

be during the

week, it might

be far earlier

than that.

Maybe you need

to keep less of

it indoors, so

that it's harder

to access, so

that you're not

put in the wrong

place.

Maybe if you're

spending too much

and you're finding

yourself in crippling

debt, then perhaps

being in the wrong

place means being

somewhere with a

credit card on you,

leave it at home

and use cash

instead.

Get out of that

wrong place.

Maybe if you're

getting into a

relationship that

actually is not a

healthy one, it's an

inappropriate one, then

you need to ask

yourself, at what

point are you in the

place where you're

getting closer to that

other person?

Maybe if it's a

situation where you

work away from home

lots, where you're

staying away from

home lots, only you

will be able to answer

that question.

What is the wrong

place?

Name it and get out

of it.

Run without

dignity.

But also, just to

go back to where we

started, we're

saying that self-control

is not only about

avoiding things that are

destructive, about

staying away from

some things.

Self-control is as

much about embracing

things positively.

So if you're

struggling to pray, if

you're struggling to

read scripture, if

you're struggling to

discipline yourself in

that, look for a good

place and a good time.

Perhaps there's a

particular place where

you can go and walk

and pray.

Perhaps there's a

particular time in the

day, perhaps there's a

particular room in the

house, a place where

you can sit that will

enable you to still

yourself and to spend

that time in focused

prayer.

But finally, as we

come to pray now, I

want to say that if

anything I've said

this morning is

about, suggests any

kind of guilt trip, it's

not.

Well, it kind of is in

that there is such a

thing as creative guilt.

There's destructive

guilt as well and

there's all the

difference between the

two.

This is not about

destructive guilt, it

is about creative guilt.

Creative guilt is guilt

that actually motivates

us to change in a

helpful way.

And if we're in that

place where we really

do want that to happen,

then that's great.

Because we need to

remember from this

story, and I think

this is perhaps the

most powerful thing

about this story of

David and Bathsheba,

that it teaches us,

is that even not if,

but when we mess up,

when we get it wrong,

when we've got

ourselves into the

wrong place and then

some, we can always

come back.

Because God meets you

in that place, and he

doesn't leave you in

that place, he brings

you back to a fresh

start and a new

beginning.

Because as horrendous,

as horrific, as

assorted as David's

actions were, not only

did he commit adultery,

but he then tried to

cover it up and then

eventually got someone

killed.

Even he found

redemption and

forgiveness.

And if he in that

story can find

redemption and

forgiveness and a

new beginning,

then so can we.

Because out of this

experience, David came

to write one of the

most famous psalms,

Psalm 51.

And I'm going to read

that psalm now,

because it so

powerfully expresses

words of confession,

words which express

that, yes, we get it

wrong, we're broken

beings, but we depend

on the grace of God.

David did.

David knew that he was

forgiven and so can

we.

So I'm going to read to

you from Psalm 51

and it was written as a

prayer, so I'm going to

read it as a prayer.

Let's take some time

now just to bring

ourselves before God.

As we come to the end

of this series,

thinking about self-control,

let's just bring ourselves

before God as we are

because we can come no

other way and ask for

him to help us where we

struggle, wherever that

may be and whatever that

may mean.

Psalm 51 says,

have mercy on me, O God,

according to your steadfast

love, according to your

abundant mercy, blot out my

transgressions, wash me

thoroughly from my iniquity and

cleanse me from my sin.

For I know my transgressions and

my sin is ever before me.

Against you, you alone have I

sinned and have done what is

evil in your sight.

Indeed, I was born guilty,

a sinner when my mother

conceived me, even.

You desire truth in the

inward being, therefore teach

me wisdom in my secret heart.

Purge me and I shall be

clean, wash me and I shall be

whiter than snow.

Let me hear joy and gladness,

let the bones that you have

crushed rejoice.

Hide your face from my sins

and blot out all my iniquity.

Please, create in me a clean

heart, O God, and put a new

and right spirit within me.

Do not cast me away from your

presence and do not take your

Holy Spirit from me.

Restore to me the joy of your

salvation and sustain in me a

willing spirit.

Then I will teach transgressors

your ways and sinners will

return to you.

Deliver me from bloodshed, O God,

O God of my salvation.

And my tongue will sing aloud of

your deliverance.

Lord, open my lips and my mouth

will declare your praise.

For you have no delight in

sacrifice.

If I were to give you a burnt

offering, you would not be

pleased.

The sacrifice acceptable to God

is a broken spirit.

A broken and contrite heart, O God,

you will not despise.

Father...