Singleness: Jesus & Paul

Man, it's dreary outside. Amber? Is it amber rain warning today? I didn't expect that.

! If it's your first time here, can I just say we're not normally this moody. It's normally

! a little bit brighter, but it is what it is. Actually, when I was listening to Alex sing,

and just the word, actually the word holy kept coming up even before the third song,

and I was like, what does holy mean? Holy just means we're different. What does different mean?

We're people that are still willing to gather to worship him, come rain or shine. And the fact

that you're here encourages me. I hope you are encouraged by today as well. I support a football

team which years in the past would be accused of being called fair weather men. Arsenal were

fair weather men in the sense that they could play on a nice warm summer day and do really well, but

when they go to Stoke-on-Trent for a cold dark day in November, they would struggle.

It reminded me that actually as Christians, what does it mean to be holy? What does it mean to be

different? It's precisely this kind of thing where come rain or shine, whether life is going really

well and going exactly the way you planned it or whether it's completely getting washed out by the

rain and the storm, we're still the same. That's what makes us different. That's what makes us holy.

And we're really going to think about and talk about what that is. We've got an interesting topic

coming up that I shared briefly with you last week. But before I even go into that, one of the big

things that has been on my heart this week, and it's in the passage that we're touching on,

1 Corinthians 7.35, Paul says, in order to secure your undivided devotion to the Lord.

Everything is about getting to the point where we can have an undivided devotion to the Lord.

Well, I don't know why you gather. I don't know why you're here. I'll tell you why I'm here,

because I want to gather to have a relationship with Him. That's why I'm here, to know Him, to enjoy

Him, to live out the faith and the life that He's given me, He's gifted to me. And I realized I can't

do that without you. And I shared last week that, hey, there's churches and the Lord uses those for

different contexts where you can just sit and you can just listen to a sermon, not talk to anyone,

and then leave. For me, I need more than that. In order for me to learn how to love God, I don't need

to just learn about loving God. I need to then have people around me, people who are hard to love,

to practice loving. That's why I gather for a relationship. That's why we're here.

And I've been thinking about what does that even mean to be devoted, undividedly devoted to Him and

to one another. And actually, it made me think of Queenie. Last week, we had the pleasure of Trevor

sharing a bit with us. And then we had Kuban, we had Agnes. My heart for this is, if we're talking

about relationship, I don't want you just listening to me talk about relationship. I want you to hear

from some of the people that are just part of this gathering, because they have something to say.

They have something even more, maybe important to say, that resonates with you that I think it

would be wrong to ignore. So I want to invite Queenie up here. Queenie, can we give her a round of applause?

Now, Queenie's been a fairly new addition to the gathering. Take a seat. Thank you, Queenie.

We first met Queenie with mutual friends at Jason and Juliana's house, I think. I think that's where we met you.

And then we've seen you at different places over different times. Queenie, tell us where the Lord has placed you for work.

I'm a barrister. So I'm a lawyer, the type that goes to court.

The type that goes to court. Can I have this one? The type that goes to court. I don't know anything about that world.

I have a good friend. We have a mutual friend called Abraham, who I had breakfast with on Friday, and I asked him to tell me a bit more about you.

And all he said was, Queenie's a big deal. Queenie's a big deal in the world of law.

And he then proceeded to explain to me why, which I've completely forgotten. Nathan, why is Queenie a big deal?

Go on. Tell us why, Nathan. Nathan's a lawyer, by the way. I'm not putting him on the swap completely.

She is a great mentor, I guess. Sorry. Maybe she should make this announcement. I feel like this is...

Okay, I'll announce her. So Queenie recently made the senior council, was appointed a senior council, which I think will be effective in May 11th.

So it's a big deal. Yeah, is what it is. Yeah.

Thank you.

Apparently only two people in Hong Kong got it.

Three people this year.

Three. Wow. Okay, loads more than I thought.

Three people got it. It was signed by the Chief Justice himself.

And so when I look at you, Queenie, I see an undivided devotion to the Lord and also to the work that he's placed you,

which is why you made senior council at the stage that you're in.

And so really I had one question for you and we spoke about this. Don't worry, I didn't put her completely on the spot.

I gave her at least two days notice.

And it's the question of actually what does undivided devotion to the Lord look for you?

And what are some of the challenges that you've faced in pursuing that?

Thanks, James.

So I just wanted to begin by saying that I'm sharing not as actually someone who has made it and arriving at that undivided devotion to God.

It's definitely something I'm continuing to learn.

It's something I continue to struggle with.

I fall short all the time.

And much of what I share today is actually aspirational, more than necessarily something I've sort of achieved or understood or managed.

So I think one of the biggest questions for me in my life is what is God calling me to do?

What is his calling for me and how am I fulfilling it?

Because I think what he is calling me or who he is calling me to be and what he is calling me to do,

if I'm not able to do it, then I feel I'm not really following him.

And so when I think about following him, that's the sort of big question that comes to my mind.

And I think the two major areas in my life which are sort of linked to that and which I try to be quite intentional when I think about following God would be first work,

which James has just mentioned, and secondly, relationships.

Because I think realistically, these are the two things that I spend most of my time doing.

So for work, I've already found out a long time ago that what I'm doing now is what God is calling me to.

So that's a real blessing.

In terms of relationships, sometimes they may be very longstanding relationships.

Sometimes they are newer relationships.

And sometimes they are very, very new relationships which were perhaps just birthed even just a few weeks ago.

But with these relationships, I often see God showing to me that he really is calling me to those relationships.

Sometimes it may be with people who seem very different to me, and I kind of wonder, can we even be friends to some extent?

And yet God may somehow just really put these people in my heart and just grow some really deep friendships and relationships there.

And sometimes there may be relationships where I've known this person for a long time, but just never really had the chance to talk to them very much.

But then suddenly something will happen.

Suddenly they may share more.

Suddenly our relationship may deepen, and I may feel called to walk with them.

So when I kind of look at or think about what new things or extra things to do in my life, I often sort of contemplate that in the context of thinking,

how does that impact upon what God is already calling me to do already?

So that's really often the perspective I come at it from.

And I think there are sort of several practical things I can share about what I try to do to help me as I learn to follow God.

I'll give you three examples.

The first is that I like to spend most of my mornings or start most of my mornings with a coffee and reading a bit of a Christian book.

So before I launch into the craziness of my day, I try to have a quieter start, and I try to begin with him.

The second thing I'll share is at the beginning of each year, I write a prayer that I then pray every day.

So obviously I pray about other things, but I find it helps me to center myself on prayer that is not just about my most immediate circumstances or what's happening around me.

And so one of the verses I've been praying for a few years now, actually, every day, is Matthew 6.33.

And so I ask God to help me to seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and not to just focus on myself and my most immediate things.

And then the third thing I was going to share is about John 21, 15 to 17, which I think Julian also mentioned when he was sharing a few weeks ago.

So that's one of my favorite passages, and so I schedule it in to my diary so that at least on the 1st of January and at least on the 1st of July, I will spend some time on this passage and reflecting on it.

This is a passage where Jesus asks Peter three times, do you love me?

Or a variation of that, do you love me more than these?

And so I find it helpful to reflect on do I love God?

What does that actually mean?

And do I love him more than everything else, basically?

So those are just some practical steps I take to try to regularly help myself focus on him.

And then I guess James' next question about what are the challenges that stand in the way of all that.

I would say for me the busyness of life.

So I'm quite busy at work and other things.

And so work in itself, as I say, is something I feel very called to.

But it's also quite easy for something good to turn into something a bit big sometimes, and sometimes even a distraction.

So that's definitely one of my struggles.

Yeah.

Actually, when we first met at the Youngs, I think you may have been there for the conversation.

I think Juliana said something, which was, if you can find peace and God in Hong Kong, you can find it anywhere.

Because such is the life and pace of the city.

And of course, from someone like you who's grown up, I'm assuming DGS.

There's more context to that, I promise.

It's not just stereotypical.

But you can ask yourself.

DGS and temple chambers and all these things you've got going on.

The challenge is how to still maintain that routine.

Are you saying that those three things that you do are kind of some of the responses that you've had to life here that have kind of kept you grounded?

Is that what it is?

Yeah.

And what I actually find is that the busier I am, the more I need those things.

Because the busier I am, the more I sort of fall into all this craziness.

And the more I need to start my day and to hang on to that.

I mean, I think it's Martin Luther who said it right.

He was too busy not to pray.

And he lived in a very different era that was not Hong Kong in 2024 as well.

So thank you.

Thank you, Queenie.

We just love it.

And please feel free to just pick her mind.

She is an incredibly smart and accomplished woman who does so many things.

But most of all, has this undivided devotion to the Lord that we can clearly see.

So thank you.

Round of applause for Queenie.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Thank you.

So continuing on talking about relationships, we keep saying we gather for a relationship.

We gather so that you can have a relationship with God, that I can have a relationship with God.

But one of the things is we have to tackle what is the main priority of the people who we're trying to make disciples of.

That's our goal, to make disciples of Jesus.

But in order to do that, we have to tackle some of the biggest priorities that disciples of Jesus or potential,

disciples of Jesus have.

And that is, as Queenie says, the life here and the relationships that we have.

And last week, we talked about family.

And I'm hoping that we have a time, actually, to pray about this.

I think it was a missed opportunity last week because that just unpeels so many things, right?

That's where it all comes from.

That's the original source of our vocation, as Ellen said.

How we relate to family impacts how we relate to each other and how we relate to God.

The topic that we're going to talk about today is one that, actually, I've still found hard coming in this morning.

Because I know that many of us have struggled with this and gone through this.

And actually, I come into this with a heavy heart.

We're talking about singleness.

We're talking about what it means to be single.

Now, just to throw some kind of thoughts out there.

All of us started single and all of us likely will end up single.

Actually, even the way society is trending, people are not getting married as much.

And actually, churches are finding that over 50% of the population of the congregation are single.

So we have to figure out how to talk about this.

We have to figure out what it means.

And if you are married, half of you here who are married will at some point end up single.

I was talking to a pastor friend whose dad, who's very, very old now, who's 100 years old, literally.

And he got married and he was married for 50 years.

But then his wife passed away.

But what does that mean?

That he still had 50 years to figure out what it means to be a single person.

So we are all going to end up single at some point.

And of course, the other thing is marriage, as we know, is a temporary earthly construct.

Even the most beautiful of days, when Florence stares into Juju's eyes and says,

Till death do us part.

It really is just till death.

And then it's done.

So it's temporary.

So for those of you who are married, you're like, oh, it's temporary.

Thank goodness.

That's good.

That'll be over soon.

But we have to keep that in mind.

But one thing I really wanted to start with, and that I've been praying about,

is actually may it not just be my thoughts about this.

And there are plenty of people here who I've grown to know and love.

And you are single.

And actually, the overwhelming thought I had as I was preparing this is one of repentance.

Is one of repentance.

And so, again, maybe in line with the mood lighting that we have today,

I wanted to start this message by saying sorry.

Sorry to you.

On behalf of myself and on behalf of the church,

because we've basically bought into what society has told you about being single.

That you are not enough.

Through your family reunions that you have at Chinese New Year or Christmas

or through the adverts that you see at the MTR,

time and time again, society has told you,

if you don't have someone, you are not enough.

And you cannot be loved.

And I'm sitting here saying that as a pastor to you,

and I'm sorry because I may not have said that to you personally and explicitly,

but through my jokes.

Through the way we talk in church.

I'd like to first offer just an apology to you that actually,

if you are single and you sat here and even Ellen mentioned,

as we all come with past experiences,

if you've been hurt by past experiences,

whether in a different church,

whether in a different family,

or whether in this one,

I apologize to you because I will tell you this,

you are enough.

You are and you are loved.

And that is all you need.

I'll tell you how often our jokes and our questions betray that.

The way we talk to people,

oh, how are you?

Oh, so are you married?

Oh, you're not.

Oh, oh.

And then suddenly there's nothing else to talk about.

Right?

Because suddenly, oh, I mean,

this happened to a beloved auntie that I was speaking to,

and she was asking me about,

oh, how so-and-so, how are they doing?

Oh, he's, oh yeah, he's doing well, he's doing well.

Oh, is he married yet?

No, no, no.

Oh.

Oh.

It's like a tragedy.

Right?

And the way your marital status is described is not married.

It's in the negative.

And that's wrong.

That's not what we believe at all.

In the book of 1 John and 1 John 4,

it talks about testing the spirits.

And how do you test the spirits?

If that spirit says that Jesus,

the Son of God, has come in the flesh.

Now, if we truly believe that,

that all that means,

the gospel message is wrapped up in that statement,

that Jesus, the Son of God,

has come in the flesh,

and he's completely human and completely fulfilled,

any other thing that we say that tells you

that without being married or without dating,

you are not fully human is completely wrong.

Of course, the cliche is,

oh, well, Jesus was single,

but it's more than that.

Jesus wasn't just single,

but he was the Son of God,

and he was the complete,

he was the only definition

of a perfect, complete human being.

And we sell ourselves short

if we talk to people who aren't dating

or who aren't married,

or actually, this goes to those who are married

who don't have kids yet.

You have the same thing, right?

When people ask you, oh, you're married,

and then the church, the world,

asks you, oh, well,

are you working on the next step?

Are you unlocking the next thing?

And when you haven't unlocked the next thing,

then you're like, oh,

oh, why haven't you unlocked the next thing?

You're not enough.

There's something wrong with you, right?

The church needs to repent of that.

I need to repent of that.

If we're to truly believe

that actually all of us

find true contentment and fulfillment

only in one thing,

and it isn't in relationship with other people,

it's in relationship with God.

You see, and I joked last week,

we have this scene where

the single people want to get married

and the married people

want to get single again.

But this is what happens

when we're in relationship

with other people.

We look across at someone else

and we go,

I would prefer that.

I would want that.

And so this week,

I've been talking to a lot of single people

and I've been picking their minds

and asking them questions

because I didn't really want to

kind of come into this uninformed.

Actually, one of the things people,

actually an author wrote about this

was actually for single people,

actually for both sides,

what we end up doing is

we end up comparing the lows of singleness

with the highs of marriage.

Married people compare the lows of marriage

with the highs of singleness.

Right?

Isn't that what just social media

or Instagram culture is?

Who's posting up their lowlights?

No, you're posting up your highlights

in the Maldives

and you're putting that up,

but you're not showing us the lowlights.

And it's the same for single or married.

You're single people who go,

oh, I wish I just could have someone

because I can do this

because then it'll be easier

to cook for two people

and for one person.

It'll be easier to show up

to a party together

so I don't have to just like

find out who I'm sitting next to

and all those kinds of things.

But the married person

is looking at you going,

man, if I could just have my nights back,

if I could just spend time

doing the things that I want to do.

And we end up comparing

lowlights versus highlights.

Don't you do that?

I do that.

And actually one of the authors

of this topic

who himself has been a pastor

for years and is single,

he'll say, you know what?

I've pastored so many people,

both single and married,

and all the troubles that come with both.

He'd pick the loads of singleness

over the loads of married life any day

because the trouble that comes

when two people get together.

And because that's not something

that I'm saying,

it's just something that a pastor,

a very thoughtful pastor

who's just reflecting

as a single man himself.

And I realized, man,

I don't know if we're talking

about this enough.

Hence why we're here.

Hence why I'm also asking

for your grace

as I talk about this

is that I'm presenting to you

what I'm looking here.

Actually, because you might

just look at me and go,

well, James,

you're not an authority on this

because you're married

and you've got three kids.

But I'll tell you this,

I'm sat here to talk about this,

not based on my authority

or based on my experience.

I'm sat here based

on my faithfulness to scripture.

And the Lord helped me with that

because it's not about

what my experience is.

Paul wasn't married

and he talks to,

he writes to married people,

right?

But on the faithfulness

of scripture,

that's my hope

and that's my prayer.

And there's going to be

two passages

that I want to look at.

One is from Matthew 19

is what Jesus says about this.

Jesus doesn't,

neither of them talk about this.

And actually,

Jay and I were hanging out

yesterday morning.

We were talking about all things

and I was like,

you know what?

I don't think God has

that much he has wanted to say

about our particular

romantic relationships.

He seems to have

something bigger

in the back

that he cares even more about.

And as I was looking at this,

there's not that many places

that they,

Paul or Jesus,

talk about this,

but there are a couple

that I think we can learn from

and I invite you

to look through it with me.

It's from the book of Matthew

and we're going to go

with Jesus one first

and chapter 19.

Matthew chapter 19,

Matthew 19 · chapter mention

as is our custom,

can I invite you to stand

for the word of the Lord?

Jesus,

as we read your word,

would you prepare our hearts?

As we read your word,

would you prepare our hearts?

As we read your word,

would you prepare our hearts?

Matthew chapter 19,

Matthew 19 · chapter mention

Now when Jesus

had finished these sayings,

he went away from Galilee

and entered the region

of Judea beyond the Jordan.

And large crowds followed him

and he healed them there.

And Pharisees came up to him

and tested him by asking,

Is it lawful to divorce

one's wife for any cause?

He answered,

Have you not read

that he who created them

from the beginning

made them male and female

and said,

Therefore a man

shall leave his father

and his mother

and hold fast to his wife

and the two shall become

one flesh?

So they are no longer two,

but one flesh.

What therefore God

has joined together,

let no man separate.

They said to him,

Why then did Moses command

one to give a certificate

of divorce

and to send her away?

He said to them,

Because of your hardness of heart,

Moses allowed you

to divorce your wives.

But from the beginning

it was not so.

And I say to you,

whoever divorces his wife,

except for sexual immorality,

and marries another,

commits adultery.

The disciples said to him,

If such is the case

of a man with his wife,

it is better not to marry.

But he said to them,

Not everyone can receive

this saying,

but only those

to whom it is given.

For there are eunuchs

who have been so from birth,

and there are eunuchs

who have been made eunuchs

by men,

and there are eunuchs

who have made themselves eunuchs

for the sake

of the kingdom of heaven.

Let the one

who is able to receive this

receive it.

This is the word of the Lord.

Take a seat.

Take a seat.

So I believe that

through this passage

Jesus shows us

a little bit

of what actually it means

to live for the kingdom of God

and to live as a single

or a married person.

The context here

is an interesting conversation

because once again,

the people are trying

to trip Jesus up.

So they're bringing up

this issue about marriage

and divorce.

Now you need to understand

the Jewish culture

at that moment

how they perceived

marriage and divorce.

And it is one of just

basically functionality.

It's basically getting

two families together.

There wasn't the romantic

element here

where the two people

had the feels for each other

and so that they would

want to be together

and live happily ever after.

Again, just a side note

on that apology.

Disney is not correct

on that.

When two people

finally get together

and one's been sleeping

for a hundred years

and gets a kiss

and then suddenly

they're together

and then they sail off

into the distance

and it's happily ever after,

I can tell you

that it is absolutely false.

Do not believe it.

Anyone who thinks

the moment you are

with someone

it is happily ever after,

that is false.

We have done you

a disservice

to what it means

to be married

and to be in relationship

and it is so much,

so much harder than that.

And yet we perceive that.

And the problem

with that is

then we have

a whole population

of people,

over half the people

looking going,

well, I'm never going

to be happily ever after

then.

Right?

Isn't that the connotation

when we see two people

sail off on a white horse?

Then it's like,

well, they're going

happily ever after

even though behind the curtain

there's tons of things

happening.

But for those

on the other side,

well, okay,

does that mean

I'm never going

to be happily ever after?

Paul and Jesus

seem to tackle this

in a very conservative way

or in a very low-key,

even-keeled kind of way.

It's interesting,

the conversation here

is how you can

divorce someone.

Now, in the Old Testament,

there's tons of reasons

why you can divorce

and they say,

well, Moses,

let us do this

and let us do that.

And he's saying,

Jesus is saying,

well, that's because

Moses knew that you guys

were idiots.

And you have hard hearts.

And you have all this sin

inside you.

So he's helping you

damage control

with some of these

rules and regulations.

Because back then,

you could divorce your wife

if she made your egg

in the wrong way

in the morning.

And that was it.

Jesus then says,

no, that's not it.

Actually, the only reason

you can divorce your wife

if there is sexual immorality.

That's the only reason.

And then the disciples quip.

And I've got to say,

I might actually be

the guy that says this.

Verse 10.

Well, he's like,

they're like,

well, if that's the only reason

that we can get divorced

and there's no other reason,

then it's better not

to get married

because it's not worth it.

And it is,

if such is a case

of a man with his wife,

it is better not to marry.

What he has

is a cynical,

low view of marriage.

What he has

is a cynical,

low view of marriage,

which is,

how low can I get?

What can I get away with

so that I can divorce my wife

and find someone else?

And if you're not letting me do that,

then maybe there's really no point.

That's what he's kind of saying.

And Jesus obviously knows

what he's saying.

And Jesus responds to him,

which in an interesting way,

verse 11,

it says,

but he said to them,

not everyone can receive this saying,

but only those to whom

it is given.

which then starts this journey again,

well, actually,

not everyone needs to be married.

In fact,

some of it,

some of you

who won't get married,

this is the Lord's gift to you.

And then this unveils

the second problem.

Who's wanted,

who's received

that unwanted gift

at Christmas

from that uncle

who buys you a pair of socks

that you'll never wear?

Some of you are single,

you go,

well,

what if I didn't want the gift

of singleness?

Again,

I think we've come at it

from the wrong way.

We're coming at it

from a low,

cynical view

of what it even means

for two people together.

And what does a gift

even mean?

If you're sat here going,

well,

I don't know if I have

the gift of singleness,

if you have a think

how Jesus talks about the gift

and how Paul talks about gifts,

what's the purpose of a gift

according to the Bible?

Julian just nodded,

so I'll pick on you.

What's the purpose of a gift

in the Bible?

It's not just for you,

it's for you to use

for others.

The whole point

of a gift

is that you would use it

to serve the church,

to build the church up,

to edify the body,

as it says in Ephesians 4.

That's what the gift is for.

So the next time you catch yourself

going,

well,

I'm not sure that's a gift

that I want.

Well,

there we've exposed

the real issue here,

that we don't have

an undivided devotion

to the Lord.

Now,

I'm not here saying

that,

man,

you're single,

so you best just appreciate it

and give it to the church

and build up the church.

I know that there's

all these wrestlings

and all these emotions

that go on

that are hard.

And I'm not here

to say any of that,

which is why I started

with the apology,

but I'll tell you this,

a married person

has to go through

the exact same things.

Singleness is a gift,

just like marriage is a gift.

Why?

Not for you

to have someone

to hold and love

and comfort

and go and eat with

and do life with.

It's for the church.

It's for the kingdom.

So I think the first thing

that we have to surrender

is this low cynical view

of what even a relationship is.

When we do that,

I think we can rediscover

what it means to be single

or what it means

to be married

and you realize,

actually,

it's a temporary thing

all for the glory of God,

all pointing to him.

And Jesus talks

about the eunuch.

If you don't know

what a eunuch is,

then I encourage you

to ask someone about it,

just preferably not me.

Well, of course,

eunuch is someone

who's an emasculated male

without testicles,

basically with the idea

that actually this person,

actually often in that culture,

eunuchs were hired

by powerful people

so that they wouldn't be

susceptible

to the same temptations

because they don't have

a family to care about.

They have a family

to think about.

They have a future

to think about.

And so Jesus

has this fascinating thing

where he goes,

for there are eunuchs

who have been sober from birth

and there are eunuchs

who have been made eunuchs

by men

and there are eunuchs

who have made themselves eunuchs

for the sake of the kingdom

of heaven.

He has this profound knowledge

that actually we are

in the fallen world now

and there are people

who are born this way.

There are people

who are made this way.

But what he's focusing on,

there are people

who choose this way.

Why?

For the kingdom of heaven.

He's not talking about

their earthly status here.

He's talking about,

he's actually encouraging

all of us to be spiritual eunuchs,

not from a physical standpoint,

but we want to basically

commit yourself fully

to the kingdom of heaven

because that's the one

that will last.

That is the one

that we'll find in eternity.

And this is interesting here

because, of course,

when we talk about

spiritual eunuchs,

we've got Jesus,

we've got Paul,

we've got the John the Baptist here,

we've got people

who actually have devoted

themselves to the work

of God

without being married.

Key here,

there is no difference.

neither is morally superior.

Neither is morally superior.

Even,

despite whatever

that uncle or auntie

or grandparents says

at your next family reunion,

neither is morally superior.

The key here is

how are we using that gift,

whatever that gift is,

in that season

for the kingdom of heaven.

Paul talks about this.

He says,

neither are actually,

not one is better

than the other,

but 1 Corinthians 7,

which is the other key passage

talking about singleness,

it's actually not just

about singleness,

it's about marriage,

it's about all kinds

of relationships.

Paul writes here,

he says in 1 Corinthians 7,

32,

I want you to be free

from anxieties.

The unmarried man

is anxious about

the things of the Lord,

how to please the Lord,

but the married man

is anxious about

worldly things,

how to please his wife,

and his interests

are divided.

Later on,

it says,

verse 35,

but to promote good order

and secure

your undivided devotion

to the Lord.

There is a plus

in singleness.

There is a plus,

and what is that?

That you are free

from anxieties.

You're like,

oh no,

I'm single

and I'm very anxious.

But it's saying,

actually,

but if your heart

is inclined towards him,

then you would be

less anxious,

because the person

who is married

can't do the things

that a single person

can do.

A couple weeks ago,

my dear friend

and colleague,

Pastor Johnny,

got to represent

the gathering basketball team

and then go

to the other side

of Hong Kong

and represent

the football team

in the same day,

within the same afternoon.

I dream of doing

something like that,

but I could never

do something like that.

I dream of pulling

off a shirt like that,

but neither can he.

So,

when you're a single person,

again,

I hope you receive this

in the spirit

that it's intended

and not condescending anyway.

You have an ability

to focus

that other people do not,

a married person does not.

Ability to focus

and to be flexible.

to be able to say yes

at a moment's notice

to go and hang out

and do something

to be with someone.

You might have this gift

only for a temporary period,

but my question is,

are you using it?

Well,

you have focus

and you have flexibility.

If everything is about

securing an undivided

devotion to the Lord,

are you using

what you have

to get to that point?

There's a study

that said that

the average 21-year-old

spends 10,000 hours

playing video games.

By the time he's hit 21,

he's played 10,000 hours

of video games.

10,000 hours.

Malcolm Gladwell says

that means you're an expert.

You are the legend

of the league.

10,000 hours.

Single people,

how do you use

the time that the Lord's

given you

in this season?

I know that there are

anxieties about the future

and all these,

but if you truly are enough,

if you truly are

loved just the way you are,

how are you using

the gift of focus

and flexibility

to be utterly

and undividedly

devoted to the Lord?

I'm not here

and I'm very carefully,

I don't want to talk

about single people

and how you can

find someone

because that almost

goes against my whole point

that I'm saying

that you're not enough

as you are.

but the heart

is the same here

is actually

whether you are married

or single,

do you have this

devotion to the Lord?

I love Queenie's humility

when the very beginning,

when I asked her to talk

about undivided devotion,

she says,

actually,

I haven't got this,

I'm pursuing it.

Do you know what it reminds me of?

Philippians 3

and Paul says,

not that I've already

obtained this

or I'm already perfect,

but I press on

to make it my own

because Christ Jesus

made me his own.

brothers,

I do not consider

I have obtained this,

but I press on

toward the goal

of the upward call

of God in Christ Jesus.

Paul talks about that

undivided devotion

as an upward call

of God in Christ Jesus,

whether you are single

or whether you are married.

Do you,

do we have that?

There's something else here

which is,

actually,

you can be content

in singleness,

but also still desire

relationship.

They are not

mutually exclusive.

You can still be both.

Paul talks about this

in Philippians 4.

He says,

not that I'm speaking

of wanting

or speaking of being in need,

but I have learned

to be content

in whatever situation.

I know how to be brought low.

I know how to abound.

Actually,

there's many people

who believe that actually

Paul was married

at one point

because actually

the Jewish culture

at that time,

if you're going through

to become a Pharisee,

you will be assigned a wife.

Now,

he doesn't talk about it

at any point

and later in life,

whether it's through

being widowed

or divorced

or whatever it might be,

he's not.

So in some ways,

I'm thinking actually

Paul would have understood

both of these situations

because actually

commentators say

it would have been

very unlikely

for him not to have

been married off

in an early age

because that was the culture.

Now,

he doesn't talk about it

and we know

that he's a single man

at this point

when he's later in life,

when he's becoming

the most prolific church planter

in the whole of history.

So when he says,

not that I'm speaking

of being in need,

but I've learned

to be content

in whatever situation,

I know how to be

brought low

and I know how to abound.

It could easily be,

I know what it was like

to be married

and I know what it is like

to be single.

But in any

and every situation,

circumstance,

I have learned

the secret of facing

plenty and hunger,

abundance and need.

I can do all things

through him

who strengthens me.

Regardless of marital status,

Paul had an undivided

devotion to the Lord.

You can still desire

but also be content.

You can also still be content

but still struggle.

Okay?

We do not live

in a black and white world.

You can have these things.

You can say,

Lord, this is what I desire.

This is what I want.

Actually, C.S. Lewis

says a really interesting quote.

He says,

A woman's heart

should be so close to God

that a man should have

to chase him to find her.

A woman's heart

should be so close to God

that a man should have

to chase him to find her.

One of those cheesy

Instagram quotes

that you could see.

But it's C.S. Lewis

so it's okay.

Instagram wasn't created

at that point.

But you get the heart behind it.

What are you using

with whatever status you have?

Is it an undivided devotion

to the Lord?

The 10,000 hours

that you spend

doing whatever it is

that you're doing,

could it be used for him?

I think,

I think we struggle

to think about it

even for a single person.

Actually,

there are dangers

to being single.

Actually,

one of my best friends

in England is single.

Same age as me

and he's the godfather

to our children

and we talk about this a lot.

You know what?

One of the biggest dangers

and he'll admit this as well,

one of the biggest dangers

of being a single person,

self-centeredness.

Self-centeredness.

Everything just becomes

about you

because it is about you

and that's a dangerous place

to be.

One good thing

that comes out of a marriage,

if you can call it

a good thing,

is that you'll discover

problems that you never

knew existed.

You'll fight about things

that you never knew

you could even fight about.

Kenneth's just like,

preacher bro.

There's character flaws

in me

that actually I only realized

once I married Christina

and she lovingly,

graciously

points them out to me

on a fairly regular basis.

I have no choice.

Well, I still am

and I can have to confess

recently that I am selfish.

I am selfish

because I wasn't able

to do my own thing

on an evening anymore

because I've got

these other things

I have to do.

Man.

But when you're a single person,

that danger is even higher.

Higher.

You just,

you just becomes

absorbed

by the things of you.

You just keep thinking

about yourself.

Right?

But how can we release that?

How can we release that

so it's not just

about us

and actually

that

we have to ask ourselves

that question.

Why do we want

to be with someone?

If we are single,

why do we want

to be with someone?

Here's another question

that I found

that was interesting.

If your prayer

for a spouse

was answered,

would it change

the world

or would it change

yours?

If your prayer

for a spouse

is answered,

would it change

the world

or would it only

change your world?

That will reveal

to you

what you're actually

craving,

what you're actually

looking for.

Where is,

where is your heart

in this?

Where is my heart

in this?

In whatever circumstances

that the Lord

has given us.

If all of it

is to point

towards

that,

to press

on toward

the goal

of the upward

call of God

in Christ Jesus.

That's the prayer.

That's the thing

that I don't think

we as a church

are doing well enough

to call single people

or called married people

to the kingdom

of heaven

and saying,

man,

I know you have

this struggle

whichever way you are

in terms of your life

right now,

but how can we

call each other

higher to the things

of the kingdom

of heaven?

That's the most

important thing.

But there are

some extra questions

about this

that I want to

quickly tackle as well.

if you are single,

you're like,

well,

what about

my sexuality?

Created as a sexual being.

What about that?

Well,

again,

it points

to one thing

that is most important.

This whole book,

this marriage itself

points to what?

Points to the coming

return of Christ.

Jesus,

as the most

complete single man,

the most content

single man,

talks about

the church

and his future return

in terms of bridegroom

and bride.

And he says,

hey,

I'm coming back.

And actually,

the author,

Sam Albury,

who actually writes

the book called

Seven Myths of Singleness,

says this,

we are created

as sexual beings

and we have that desire

to be fruitful

and to multiply.

That is part of it.

On a side note,

for single people

who don't have kids yet

or who will never have kids,

you have a spiritual family

here with children

that are in desperate

need of discipling.

How can you contribute

to the growth

of the next generation

growing up

in this family?

That you have something

that you actually have

to teach them

and to guide them with?

To dispel

some of the myths

and some of the misconceptions

of what even singleness

and marriage is.

You have a role to play.

Are you actively playing

that role

to bring up

the future generation?

But when it comes

to sexuality,

Sam Albury says this,

actually,

allow our sexuality

to be the thing

that points us

to the greater consummation,

which is the day

that Jesus comes back

for his bride.

The moment you feel

those things,

the moment you feel

and reminded of your flesh,

use it as a chance

to point you

to the greatest consummation

that Christ is coming back

and when he's coming back

from his bride,

that will be

the true satisfaction,

that will be

the true fulfillment

that we're all

actually craving for.

Something else

about that

is married people

also have the same

sexual temptations.

Why are divorce rates

at their highest?

why are so many marriages

falling apart?

It's because

just because you're married,

it does not mean

that you suddenly

have no sexual temptations.

Quite the opposite

sometimes.

Again,

it's the same thing.

Single or married,

which you allow

your sexuality

to point you

to the coming

of Christ.

Let's not turn sex

into the evil thing

is because,

remember,

God Almighty,

the creator of heaven

and earth,

was the one

that created it.

Why?

To point people

to Christ.

Marriage is only

an earthly,

temporary construct.

The whole point

of two people

getting together

to be married

is so that other

people can see

that actually

this is the kind

of love,

this is a reflection

of the kind of love

that God has

for his people.

And the moment

that served its purpose,

when God returns,

there is no need

for marriage anymore.

There is no need

for sex anymore.

We still have to fight

those same temptations

whether you are

single or married.

But use it

the way you were created

to point yourself,

to remind yourself,

to remind ourselves

of the day

that Jesus returns.

And the second question

is what about intimacy?

If we were made

for a relationship,

then man,

without a spouse,

without someone,

I don't have

the intimacy.

Well, let me dispel

another thing

that movies seem

to promote a lot,

which is when you have sex,

you have intimacy.

You can have a lot of sex

and have zero,

zero intimacy.

Intimacy is not something

that is tied to sexuality.

If this is supposed to be

what it's supposed to be,

there will be people here

as friends,

as family,

who can help bring you

into an intimate relationship

where when you are

going through sugar calls,

when there are rainy days,

you can call

and you can speak to,

just like a married person

has to speak

to their spouse at home

when they're going

through the same thing.

The question is,

how are we promoting,

how are we pursuing

intimacy between

the people here

in this room,

the people that we've

chosen to gather?

Some marriages

don't have intimacy

at all.

It's not a given.

Again,

whether you're single

or married.

Psalm Albury says this

and this is where he finishes

and I'll finish

with this final story here.

He says,

if marriage shows you

the shape of the gospel,

singleness shows you

its sufficiency.

That the gospel

is sufficient for you,

you as a single human being.

Marriage will show you

the shape of the gospel

and how you're supposed

to die for one another

even when you don't deserve it,

but singleness will show you

its sufficiency,

that this is actually

all you need.

This does not make you

any less of a person.

Marriage and singleness

are both a gift

and that is the good news.

The problem is

we have a low view

of marriage

and we have a low view

of singleness.

Why?

Because we have a low view

of who God is.

When you discover

who God truly is,

and that song that we sang,

the first song,

the goodness of God,

when you truly discover

the goodness of God,

you will discover

the goodness of marriage

and you will discover

the goodness of singleness.

It starts as it always does.

It ends as it always does

with God.

The question for us is,

do we truly realize that?

Or have we let our own lives

catch us in this spiral

where we're just thinking

about ourselves?

And it's funny,

Jesus says this,

when you lose yourself,

that's when you'll gain

the true abundant life.

So many of us,

regardless of marital status,

have to be reminded of that.

When we have this undivided

devotion to the Lord,

that is when we'll see Him.

Jesus in His Sermon on the Mount,

Matthew 5, 8,

says,

those who are pure in heart,

they shall what?

See God.

Those who are pure in heart,

they shall see God.

Now,

for a young man

growing up in this culture,

we straight away,

we know what being pure in heart is,

and we know that we are not

pure in heart.

And there is a side

to sexual temptation there

that is true.

But I'm not entirely sure

that's what Jesus

was talking about.

When He says,

blessed are those

who are pure in heart,

for they shall see God.

Blessed are those

who are single-heartedly

devoted to seeing Him,

because if you are,

then you shall see Him.

Blessed are those

who have an undivided devotion

to the Kingdom of Heaven,

who seek first

the Kingdom of God

and His righteousness,

and at that point,

everything else

will be added.

I want to finish

with a story

of a eunuch.

And you guys will know

this is one of my favorite stories

in the Bible.

It's Acts 8.

It's about Philip,

the evangelist.

And I love telling this story,

because in Acts 8,

this is Philip,

the evangelist,

he,

the apostles and disciples

are getting persecuted,

so they have to scatter

and leave Jerusalem.

They have to leave

the city that they love,

and they have to go.

And they're terrified,

because this could be

the end of their lives.

And then something fascinating,

because Paul, actually,

funny story there,

Paul's the one

who's chasing them down

and trying to kill them.

Philip is an interesting one.

He runs away.

And you'd think

he'd stay down low,

on the down low,

and low key,

and just kind of

try and keep his life

and preserve his life.

He doesn't.

He goes into Samaria,

and he continues

to preach the good news.

He can't stop.

He has this undivided

devotion to the Lord.

And then he has

this magical thing

which we all hope for.

For those of us

who are asking God,

how can I serve you?

He has this moment

where God zaps him,

literally zaps him

to a different road.

I would love

for that to happen.

For God,

use me however you want.

Take me.

Like, zap me to Hawaii

right now.

There are bartenders

at the beach club

that need the gospel.

And I would love

for that to happen,

yet it often doesn't happen

because I don't have

the faith of Philip.

Because if someone

was trying to kill me,

I'm lying low.

But he doesn't lie low.

He goes into enemy territory

and he carries on.

So God zaps him.

He moves.

He guides the moving car

to this Ethiopian eunuch.

And that's kind of the story

I often like to tell.

Actually, man,

Philip's heart

just constantly moving,

not afraid.

I love this.

But I want to finish

with the story of the eunuch.

The guy who's in the chariot.

Okay?

Tell you a little bit more

about this guy.

He was essentially

the CFO

of his kingdom.

He's a eunuch,

which means he has no hope

of a family at all.

And he's a very powerful man.

The queen has entrusted

all the nation's treasures

to this guy.

And actually,

let me turn to it now

just so we can follow through.

If you've got it as well,

I want you to turn to it

because I think

there's things here

that often we skip through.

Acts 8, verse 27,

Acts 8:27

and he rose,

so he gets zapped

into a desert place,

not quite Hawaii,

but he goes to a desert place

and he rose and went

and there was an Ethiopian,

a eunuch,

a court official of Candace,

queen of the Ethiopians,

who was in charge

of all her treasure.

This was an important man.

This was a very important man

who had castrated himself

for the kingdom

for Queen Candace

and was basically looking

after all her treasure.

Okay?

That's the context

of this man.

He had come to Jerusalem

to worship

and was returning

seated in his chariot.

So he'd gone to Jerusalem

from Ethiopia,

which actually would have been

a long, long ride.

And he's gone on his way back

and Philip has this moment

with him where

Philip is zapped

to this desert road

and then goes to speak to him.

And what does the Ethiopian say?

What does Philip say?

Philip says,

hey, do you know,

do you understand

what you're reading?

Verse 30.

Because he's reading a scroll.

He's reading the scroll of Isaiah,

which isn't a nice,

tidy book like this.

It's probably just all scrolled up,

just a huge manuscript.

He's just reading it.

A few years ago,

I understood a little bit more

of the context of this.

This Ethiopian official,

who was an incredibly powerful man,

had all the nation's money

at his disposal,

but was a eunuch,

so he had no hope

or a future

for his own family.

He leaves that

and takes a sabbatical

to go to Jerusalem.

Can we just pause there

and just have a think?

What's going on in his heart?

He's the chief financial officer

for Queen Candace,

has everything that he needs.

Yeah, he won't have children,

but there's something going on

in his heart

that is like,

guys, I've got to take

a few months off

and I've got to travel

to Jerusalem

because there's something

going on inside me

that I'm hungry for,

that I'm desperate for,

that I can't have

even though I have

all this money

at my disposal.

So he makes this journey

from Ethiopia

to Jerusalem.

But here's the problem.

According to Old Testament law,

eunuchs are not allowed

in the temple.

I don't know whether he

knew that beforehand,

so was heading there

to see if he could

just sneak in,

or whether he didn't know

and he would have been

turned around at the door.

Either way,

look at his response

when Philip says to him,

do you understand

what you're reading?

And so he's reading

the scroll of Isaiah

as he's going home.

Unlikely,

a two, three month journey

back home

and his colleagues

are going to go,

oh, what did you do?

Did you find that God

that you were looking for?

Did you find that satisfaction

that you were looking for?

And I don't think

he's that happy

because what does Philip say?

Philip says,

do you understand

what you're reading?

And then the Ethiopian unit goes,

how can I

unless someone guides me?

Do you sense that?

Do you sense that?

So he shows up

to the temple.

He gets turned away.

He's been on this

huge pilgrimage

and gets turned away.

And then now

this random guy

runs next to his chariot

as he's heading home

in his Rolls Royce

and he's saying,

do you understand

what you're reading?

He's like,

what do you people

want from me?

I came looking for answers

and you wouldn't let me

through the door.

What was he reading?

Like a sheep,

he was led to the slaughter

and like a lamb

before its shearer

is silent

so he opens not his mouth.

In his humiliation,

justice was denied him.

Who can describe

his generation

for his life

is taken away

from the earth?

In his humiliation,

justice was denied him.

Who can describe

his generation?

Remember,

this Ethiopian

doesn't know anything.

Where's this passage

from by the way?

Bible trivia.

Does anyone know?

Isaiah

50,

Isaiah 53.

It's the man

of sorrow's passage.

Now we now look

at this and go,

well obviously

he's talking about Jesus.

The Ethiopian

does not know this

because he's not

even been allowed

to ask the question.

He's not even allowed

to go in.

Maybe there was

a scene of humiliation

that was happening

right at the temple.

I've traveled here

from very far

and now you're

not letting me in

because something

that someone else

did to me.

How can I understand

unless someone guides me?

He's reading that passage

from Isaiah 53

that we now know

is about Jesus.

Surely he has borne

our griefs

and carried our sorrows

yet we esteemed him

stricken,

smitten by God