Communication is Key

We'll find our spots here. Go ahead and take your Bibles. Turn over to Song of Solomon, chapter 5.

Song of Solomon 5 · chapter mention

We began here last week in the book of Song of Solomon, talking about relationships,

especially husband and wife. But you know, this material here, even if you're single,

a lot of what we're talking about is important because it ought to be the things that you expect

or things that you're planning or preparing if you ever want to be married in the future.

I mean, it's one of those things that will benefit you in your relationships.

And so we see here that the Song of Solomon has to do with our relationship with Christ,

but it uses a picture of a husband and a wife to give us an illustration of what that's to be.

But it applies practically to us as individuals in our relationships.

And so let's go ahead and open in a word of prayer here this morning.

Heavenly Fathers, we come before you today.

Lord, we just thank you and praise you for the day, for the opportunity as we meet together.

Lord, pray just have your hand upon each heart, each life here today.

Lord, that we might be drawn close to you.

And Lord, that you might be glorified.

But Lord, we might be encouraged to understand the importance of these things in our relationship,

not only with you, but with one another.

And Lord, the necessity of that.

And Lord, we pray just to guide and direct in the things said and done

and give you all the glory and honor in Jesus' name.

Amen.

So we began last week looking at married but not best friends.

You know, that sounds like something that's a weird statement, doesn't it?

But the reality is oftentimes marriages end up that that person you end up married to,

there becomes a struggle in the relationship.

And that struggle is due to some things that are different than it was before you were married oftentimes.

Because we began looking last week with that.

But let's go ahead and read our text here.

Song of Solomon chapter 5 and verse 16.

Song of Solomon 5 · chapter mention

And we notice what God's word says.

It says,

His mouth is most sweet.

Yea, he is altogether lovely.

This is my beloved.

And this is my friend, O daughters of Jerusalem.

You know, the reality that the one you're married to needs to be your friend and ought to be your best friend.

They ought to be a friend that is tied to you, stuck to you.

Because marriage is the highest level of relationship created by God.

It's a pinnacle of relationship.

It pictures God's relationship to the church.

It's a high pinnacle.

It's a picture that we understand practically in our lives.

And so when we understand that friendship ought to be the zenith in context to our relationship.

And we began looking at some key words.

And last week we looked at companionship.

You know, everybody wants not only someone to be married to,

but somebody that's going to be their friend.

Somebody that they spend time together.

You know, friends by nature spend time together.

They desire to hang out.

They desire to be around one another.

You know, they want to be together.

They want to grow fonder of one another.

They want to have fun together.

They want to talk together.

You know, oftentimes you'll hear the statement that the family that prays together stays together.

But the same is true, the family that plays together stays together.

Because both those elements create a camaraderie and a connection.

It builds things together.

You know, of how do you spend your leisure time going in different directions?

Because when married couples do everything apart, it leads to a problem.

There's an issue that comes up when you do everything apart.

Because if you're married, you ought to desire by principle to do things together.

You know?

And you notice that when you were dating, when you were courting or dating, whatever term you want to put on it,

there's a lot of fancy labels they want to put on things.

But the reality is what's to be taking place in that dynamic is to getting to know one another

and hanging out with one another.

You know, when you're dating, it seems like it's hard to keep people apart.

You know, they'll put all the effort and energy into making sure they can get together with the other person.

But we need to remind ourselves of companionship.

It ought to be the same after you're married.

Now, there are some other things, but you ought to still desire to be around the other person.

And to put that priority.

You know, oftentimes people will say they love each other,

but the follow-up question, do you like each other?

You know?

You ought to like being around the person you're married to.

Because if you don't like them, you're definitely going to have a problem loving them.

And part of that is that companionship that is there.

And companionship is so important.

And we look at that, but I want you to just look and remind ourselves a few things.

Number one, because it's unhealthy for a married person to spend most enjoyable moments of their life

in the company of somebody else.

You know?

I want you to understand, you ought to have the best memories with the one you're married to.

Those ought to be memories that tie you together.

Secondly, because pursuing your own self-interest without your spouse demonstrates selfishness.

In other words, it comes about you and not about the other.

The Bible tells us.

Husbands, you're to love your wives, even as Christ loved the church.

That's to love them as your own body.

You know?

That's connection.

That's to say that's a priority.

We need that because it will lead to a fulfilling marriage.

You know, when you enjoy hanging out with somebody and you have connection and memories and all these things together,

it brings fulfillment of what you've done together.

You know, we understand that.

And number four, because shared experiences lead to shared feelings.

Shared experiences lead to shared feelings.

That's an important reality when it comes to companionship.

If you don't do something together, consistently together, and to hang out with one another,

you're going to have a miss of feelings in the wrong places and for the wrong things.

But the second word we're going to look at here today is conversation.

It's conversation.

You know, notice what verse 16 says here.

His mouth is most sweet.

Now, this isn't talking about, you know, breath mints or lip balm.

I want you to understand this is one of those things.

This is talking about the words that are spoken.

You know?

I want you to understand the dynamic.

It's when he's sweet.

He is sweet in what comes out of his mouth and his words.

You know, we have to guard what we say sometimes.

And part of conversation is always thinking before speaking.

You know?

And we'll talk about that a little more because the one thing you can't do is put words back.

And you ought to be thinking and saying things that you ought to say.

And we need to understand that men, your wife,

would your wife say that you are thinking about their conversation with them?

And, you know, when we understand this idea of conversation, think about this scenario.

You know, a couple starts to date and, you know, it's one long conversation, you know.

It's like kind of funny when people start dating, you know.

They want to talk.

Now, today, couples are spoiled today.

I mean, I'm telling you, they're spoiled.

I mean, social media and telephones and text messaging.

I mean, you guys can communicate all the time.

Constant communication, you know.

How was your day?

How was this?

You know, I remember back when April and I were, when she caught my eye,

we had to use this thing called mail.

And he had to write it out.

And he had to put it in an envelope.

And put a stamp on it.

And he had to put it in the box.

Then you pray it got to the other end.

And they would get it.

And the first thing they'd do is open it up.

And then they would write a reply.

Lick the envelope, put a stamp on it.

Send it back.

You ever write, Gene?

We were in a meeting together.

Oh, that's what I guess.

You guys hung out quite a bit there.

So I know where you were headed afterward.

But, you know, you have this idea of communication.

But when the conversation that, you know, you always want to communicate.

And when together they would talk, when apart they would talk,

when they were on the phone they would talk.

You know, and April and I, you know, we were the generation that if we got an opportunity

to talk on the phone, it was pretty neat.

You know?

I remember we used to have in our dining room, we had the telephone,

and we had the super long stretchy cord.

You know, that way you could get clear around into the other room.

Now, some of you are looking at me like, what are you talking about?

Some of you are going, I remember that.

You know, private conversation was you could follow where the phone was by the cord where

it was stretched into, you know.

But the reality is it hasn't changed because when people begin dating or they want to court one another,

whatever label you want to put on it,

communication is a key part of that, isn't it?

Communication is central to that.

And then they get used to that dynamic, you know, and everything's really nifty,

and then they get married.

And the business of being a couple begins to take priorities.

Because, you know, it's amazing, you had the same responsibilities while you were dating,

but suddenly you have, these are more brought into daily life, you might say,

of taking care of a place to stay, and food, and how your job interacts with that.

And then subjects come up like in-laws, and outlaws, and finances, and kids.

You know, I want you to understand it isn't long before you quit communicating.

And you're distracted by other things.

You know, we need to understand this idea of communication.

Because oftentimes we lack communication at home,

but then your spouse notices you can carry on a long conversation

with somebody at church or work.

Why can't you talk to me?

You know, that happens a lot in marriages.

If it's not guarded.

If it's not intentional.

Because what happens when that begins, resentment sets in.

And then somebody someplace else catches their attention because they talk to them.

You know, we need to guard our conversation.

You know?

When we understand that it becomes a problem,

because when a couple, when one of them begins talking to another person,

now David, this isn't the place to talk.

You're just talking about how we need to talk to each other.

I just embarrass Keira.

They're a young couple.

They're still on the honeymoon.

That's why the honeymoon ought to keep going.

That communication is important.

Because when somebody starts talking to somebody outside the relationship,

it always leads to a problem in the relationship.

When problems in a relationship begin getting discussed with somebody else

because they're willing to listen,

it becomes a problem in the relationship.

Because the problem is it soon leads to divorce.

And sadly,

oftentimes, one of them,

it leads to divorce because the one

begins to give affections

to the person that's talking to them.

And then the two that are cheating get together and get married,

and the cycle starts all over again.

That's a reality.

But I want you to understand

that God tells us it doesn't have to be that way.

It doesn't need to be that way

because when we understand

there's some things that close friends do.

You know,

one is they share themselves with each other.

You know,

your spouse ought to be somebody

that you can pour your heart out to,

that you're connected to.

You know,

they confide in each other.

You know,

the confiding in each other,

your spouse ought to know things about you

that nobody else knows.

And there ought to be a confidence

that there's a confidentiality

in what they know.

There's a reality that takes place

when you start talking about your spouse

to somebody else,

there'll be a problem

because you've broken confidentiality.

They ought to learn more about one another.

You know?

You need to continue to learn.

You know,

oftentimes people think,

well,

this is the person that I married

and they're always going to stay the same.

Then you get married

and find out that you look at them

a couple years later

and go,

who are you?

You're not necessarily the one that I married,

but you know,

both of us change.

And you need to keep learning

about one another

and keep that connection.

You know?

They discuss their innermost thoughts,

ideals,

and goals with each other.

You know?

Close friends talk.

You know?

I want you to understand.

Take a look over

and do a Proverbs chapter 27

Proverbs 27 · chapter mention

for a moment.

Proverbs chapter 27.

Proverbs 27 · chapter mention

Look here down here in verse 9.

Proverbs 27 and verse 9 says,

Ointment and perfume rejoice the heart.

So doth the sweetness of a man's friend

by hearty counsel.

Communication.

Communication is key

because,

you know,

we understand that,

you know,

oftentimes guys are drawn to gals.

You know,

you always,

when you're a gal,

they always put on the perfume

and it's like,

man,

I like that perfume.

You know,

you can smell them

when they come in the room.

You know,

it's just,

you know,

you have that sense,

but the verse says

that as pleasant

as that sense is,

so is a good conversation

that connects.

You know,

I want you to understand

the reality

of communication.

You know?

And the other thing

we need to keep in mind

is that women

generally have a greater need

for conversation

than men.

You know?

God made us different

for a reason.

But does it mean

that it isn't there

for a reason?

And we have to learn

to communicate

because

when we understand

that it helps

her feel united

and bonded

with her man

when there's communication.

You know,

communication

in a relationship

is important

because it makes

them feel

as a priority.

It makes them feel

not just something

that you have

on the shelf.

You know,

you laughed today

about people talking

about getting

a trophy wife,

you know?

Guys,

your wife is not

a trophy.

Trophies are won

and set on the shelf

and appreciated.

Your wife is not

to be put on the shelf,

but she is to be

appreciated all the time.

Brother Gene?

I read one time

that for every word

a man speaks,

a woman speaks

27 words.

We'll move on.

See,

that's the reason

preachers avoid

this topic

because it gets you

in trouble,

you know?

But no,

seriously though,

I mean,

the reality is

it's communication

needs to take place.

There needs to be

a bond that is there

because that's how

they bond,

how they connect.

You know,

it's often funny

when a man ignores

his wife all day

and then suddenly

at 10 p.m.

turns his attention

on her,

it's not going

to make her feel

like she's connected,

that she wants

to spend any more

time with you

if you ignored her

all day, guys.

You need to spend

time with your wife

to be able to enjoy

those things.

And, you know,

so we know

and understand

that when you're

first getting together,

when you're courting

or dating,

you know,

two of the biggest

things that get done

during that time

is one,

is getting to know

each other better.

You know,

you spend a lot

of time finding out

who this person is,

what are their goals,

what do they want

to do,

you know,

how do they think

on this or that

or what is the,

how do they feel

about that,

you know,

and when we do

counseling,

premarital counseling,

we make sure

couples talk about

a lot of uncomfortable

things sometimes.

but it's good

to make sure

those conversations

take place

because a lot

of those things

are important.

It may not

seem important

at the moment

to them,

but how that

other person's

thinking is important

in the rest

of the relationship.

Let me give you

one that hits home

today very quickly

with a lot of people

when you have a

conversation about kids,

you know,

because oftentimes

you'll find somebody

has,

comes in with a mindset

and they never ask

the other person

what do you think

about children.

Then they get married

and the one wants

to have ten

and the other says

I don't want any,

you know,

that's a big problem.

Now there's nothing

wrong with having

ten kids.

If you tell your

wife that guy,

she's probably

going to look

at you

and I would,

I'd definitely

stay out of arm's length

so,

because you'll

get the look.

But I want you

to understand

that's how you

find out

but you ought

to be on

the same page.

What's the

expectation?

You know,

what are you

thinking?

How are you

processing those

things,

you know?

Because that's

important.

There's a big

difference between

three kids

and ten kids.

and their

thinking.

Those are

things that need

to be discussed

beforehand to know

how's the other

person thinking.

Now that doesn't

mean things can't

transpire later,

but you need to

make sure that

you're honest with

one another of what

you're thinking.

Honesty there is

important because you

get to know one

another,

you know?

Secondly,

to convey how much

you love each

other.

you know,

we talked about

that,

that our

relationship

needs to be

about that

connection

that is there,

that companionship

and that comes

about that needs

to be first.

And we don't

need to,

these goals don't

need to be dropped

after the wedding.

You know,

oftentimes we spend

a lot of time

getting to know

somebody and

letting them know

how much they

love them.

We love them and

then you get

married and life

kicks in and all

that takes a

back seat sometimes.

And sometimes

after you get

married and you

have kids,

it takes a lot

of work to

communicate.

Because mom's

there and she's

got kids at home

and, you know,

you got little

ones running all

over and climbing

the curtains and

breaking things and

making a mess and,

you know,

you come home

from work,

guys,

and you step in

the house and the

first thing you

step on is a

Lego.

Lego just

sets the tone.

How many have

ever stepped on

a Lego with

your bare foot?

And you know

what I'm talking

about.

I love Legos,

but on the floor

those things are

wicked.

You think you

stepped on a

spike when you

step on them,

you know,

it's like,

but those things

are going to

happen.

I want to

encourage you to

consider you

don't want to

keep those things

or let them

hinder the

communication.

That's the

reason you have

to be intentional

because you

both can be

tired.

There's both

things that can

set you off.

I mean,

guys,

you might come

home and your

wife's been

home with the

kids all day

and they're

teaching school

and all this

and the sink

is full of

dishes and the

supper isn't

done and,

you know,

you're looking

like,

what are you

doing all day?

You know,

and I'll give

you a clue.

Don't ask her

what she's been

doing all day

if you see that

situation,

guys.

The best

thing you can

do is go

over and

start doing

the dishes.

you know,

we can laugh

about it,

but the

reality is

that things

that were no

problem during

courtship can

often be a

problem afterwards

because courtship

for guys is

often a conquering

orientation.

it's like,

I'm going to

get her

because she's

the prize.

And as men,

we often think

like that,

that that's,

that's,

that's,

that's what I'm

after.

That's my goal.

That's my

objective.

And it's easy

to put them

as a secondary

and move on

to another

goal afterwards.

be careful

not to set

that aside

because now

that once you

get married,

oftentimes it's

easy to,

to get a new

goal.

And I do want

you to get a

new goal after

you're married

because beforehand

your goal is to

get her.

Your new goal

after is to

keep her.

that's a

longer

objective.

Because your

desire ought to

always be that

this will be the

one that I

spend the rest

of my life

with unless

God interacts.

Because

sometimes,

I want you to

understand,

you ought to do

your best to

keep marriage

together.

You know,

often some of

the studies

they've had

amongst marriage

counselors say

that a couple

needs to talk

at least an

hour per day.

And guys are

all thinking,

that's a lot.

And the women

are like,

when are we

going to get

started?

But I want you

to understand,

most couples

don't even spend

six minutes a

day.

communicating.

You know,

most of that

turns out just

to be what's

pressing at the

moment.

You know,

the dishwasher

broke,

or the car

needs the oil

changed,

or you know,

something

happened at

work,

or something

takes place

over there,

or you come

home and the

kid has an

ear infection,

and you know,

all the different

things of life.

You spend a lot

of time talking

about things,

but not things

of substance.

You need to

make sure to

maintain,

those things,

and to

understand,

you know,

there used to

be an old

joke,

you know,

when I was

growing up,

you know,

amongst some

of the older

guys,

they'll look

and say,

well,

I told her I

loved her once,

and if I

changed my

mind,

I'll let

her know.

you know,

I've heard a few

people say it,

but the

reality is,

is she needs

to hear that,

and that

communication,

and so we

need that

mindset,

and one of

the things

that we'll

find is,

things that

we have

in today's

society sometimes

even makes it

worse,

you know,

it used to

be the

husband would

come home

and get the

newspaper and

be reading the

newspaper,

but today we

have some

things that are

even worse

than that in

my mind,

because you

can get caught

up in YouTube

and social media,

you know,

you can spend

hours there and

never talk,

you know,

some couples

stop talking,

you know,

why does that

happen?

Well,

one is they

get too busy

with work,

you know,

sometimes there's

things that just

need to be done,

but when that's

the rule rather

than the exception,

it begins to

cause a problem

to get too

overwhelmed with

work,

you know,

today work can

be too

overwhelming and

we need to be

careful and guard

that because we

need to maintain

that communication,

different interests,

you know,

we talked about

that last week,

you know,

you guys need to

find something

common that you

do together,

you know,

what that is

doesn't matter

as much as

the doing,

that's something

that fits you

guys,

you know,

to be able to

do those things

together,

selfishness,

you know,

we develop

other priorities

we consider

more important,

but in reality

they're not

because remember

the person

you married

is only second

in relationship

to God,

and if you're

on a right

relationship with

God,

you're going to

want to maintain

a right relationship

with your spouse

because that's

going to be

because that's

what God

tells us to

do,

you know,

fighting,

you know,

some people

stop talking

because it

always turns

into an

argument,

you know,

some don't

cope well

with problems

and their

conversations

often turn

into fights

so they stop

wanting to

talk because

it just never

turns out

well,

so I'm

going to

give you

a little

help today

and we're

going to

talk about

some enemies

of good

conversation

for a

moment

because

sometimes

they turn

into fights

because we're

not communicating

correctly,

we're not

communicating

by first

thinking

before speaking

because

words can't

be put

back.

Throw

to Ephesians

Ephesians 4 · chapter mention

chapter 4

for a

moment,

Ephesians

Ephesians 4:29

4,

verse 29,

because

enemies of

good

conversation,

the first

one is,

is using

words as

punishment.

married

couples can

very easily

fall into

the trap

of trying

to punish

the other

person by

what they

say.

Words

become

tools to

tear down.

Notice

what Ephesians

4,

29 says,

it says

this,

it says,

let no

corrupt

communication

proceed out

of your

mouth,

but that

which is

good to

the use

of edifying

that it

may minister

grace unto

the hearers.

I want you

to understand

you can

never take

words back.

That's

reason with

what we

speak,

we need

to be

careful

with.

Now,

I'm not

going to

ask for

a show

of hands,

but how

many could

say there's

been a

time in

my life

that I

said

something I

wish I

could put

back?

I think

we could

all say

we're

guilty.

Why?

Because

sometimes

we spoke

without

what?

Thinking.

We spoke

from emotion,

strictly

from feeling.

You know,

one of the

things I've

learned that's

a good rule

of thumb,

you need to

remember that

feelings are

inputs,

feelings are

not substance.

Feelings are

things that

influence you,

but they

should not

direct you.

They're not

guidance.

feelings are

there,

but they

should not

guide us

in what

we do

because that's

when we

blow up

because we

feel angry,

so we're

going to

blow up.

There may

be a

legitimate

reason you

feel angry.

There's some

things that

ought to make

you angry,

the Bible

tells us.

But those

feelings need

to be kept

in context,

to be kept

in the right

way of

using them.

one rule

of thumb

you can

think about,

have you

ever

regretted

words you

didn't

say?

You know,

that's a

much smaller

list,

isn't it?

Very rarely

do you regret

what's not

said,

but a lot

more times

we regret

what is

said

because you

can't put

them back.

You know,

we need to

understand we

can't just

fly off the

cuff,

we should

talk,

but we

need to

wait until

we can

say it

properly.

You know,

using words

as punishment

gets you

in trouble.

Second thing

is using

words to

force

agreement.

You know,

words are

masterful

tools you

can use.

To force

agreement is

to making

the other

person have

to agree

with you.

I'll give

you a little

clue.

When you

have two

people,

you're

going to

have two

different

opinions.

They may

vary slightly,

but there'll

be some

differences.

Or there

might be

big

differences.

Look what

James chapter

James 1 · chapter mention

1 tells us.

Look over

there in

James chapter

James 1 · chapter mention

1.

Look at

verse 19.

James

1.19

tells us

this.

It says,

Wherefore,

my beloved

brethren,

let every

man be

swift to

hear,

slow to

speak,

and slow

to wrath.

Is there

anything more

annoying than

someone wanting

to force

their way

upon you

and they're

always right?

You need to

agree with me.

The reality

is you can't

make somebody

or force

anybody to

believe anything.

they may

nod their

head,

they may

agree with

you on

the surface,

but what

they're thinking

is,

I'll agree

with them

outwardly just

so they'll

be quiet.

It

happens.

Forced

agreement.

third

thing is

dwelling on

mistakes,

past and

present.

One of the

biggest things

in a

relationship

that happens

is people

will bring

up the

past over

and over

and over

and over.

They'll

dig up

things that

are supposed

to be

forgotten

and forgiven

and the

next

disagreement

they have

instead of

discussing

what's on

the table.

They bring

up,

well,

you did

this.

That's a

destruction

to a

relationship.

Let's look

on a few

things here.

Let's get

some help

here this

morning.

Let's get

Philippians

3.13.

Who's got

that one

for me?

Philippians

3.13.

Don,

you got

that one?

Joe,

can you

get me

Colossians

2?

Or,

excuse me,

Colossians

3.12

and 13.

Colossians

3.

12 and

13.

Who's got

Philippians

3.13?

Brother Don?

Okay.

Remember

that it's

forgetting

that which

is what?

Behind.

You know,

dragging up

the past

when the

past is

supposed to

be dealt

with will

do nothing

but destroy

a relationship.

What's

Colossians

3.12

and 13

tell us?

What does

Colossians

3.12

and 13

tell us?

What does

mean?

What does

mean?

Okay.

One of the

biggest things

of communication

in marriage

is learning

how to

forgive one

another.

Because if

you haven't

figured it

out,

when you

hang out

with somebody

long enough,

sooner or

later they're

going to

do something

that makes

you mad.

Amen?

I mean,

that's just

by nature.

When you

hang out

with somebody

long enough,

pretty soon

something's

going to

stir up

and something's

going to

cause a

conflict.

That stirs a

conflict between

you.

It can even be

things from the

outside that

stir a conflict

between you.

It's not

necessarily even

directly with

you,

but it can

cause a

conflict.

And dealing

with those

things and

to deal

with them

properly,

just like

you would

anybody else,

you know,

vows of

mercy,

kindness,

humbleness

of mind,

meekness,

long-suffering,

forbearing,

you know,

forgiving,

you know.

Those don't

just matter

with interactions

at church,

they're more

important in

your interaction

with your

spouse.

And learning

to deal

with those

things.

And so,

but some

develop a

critical spirit

to the point

that you feel

you can't do

anything right.

You know,

sometimes a

spouse can

beat the

other one

down with

the past

so hard

that it

limits and

hinders the

relationship.

You know,

that critical

spirit,

because the

other person

every time

they're together

is looking

to create

a problem

or to

point out

a problem.

That is

a problem

to itself.

You know,

think about

what we talked

about just a

few weeks ago

when it came

to forgiveness.

When Paul

talked about

2 Corinthians

2, 7,

it says,

so that

contrariise

you ought

rather to

forgive him

and comfort

him,

lest perhaps

such a one

should be

swallowed up

with over

much sorrow.

You know,

oftentimes,

beating somebody

up with the

past isn't

going to

accomplish what

you hope to

accomplish.

It hinders

what you're

hoping to

accomplish.

Unless your

mission is just

to destroy

them,

which then

that's another

problem.

But as your

spouse,

it ought to

be to build

them up

and encourage

them.

And to do

those things

and,

you know,

to talk about

it in the

right way,

you know,

and some

people,

you know,

in life,

you need to

realize that

some people

just have a

negative spirit.

They'll complain

about anything.

you know,

like I've met

a few people,

if I gave

them $20,

they'd complain

I didn't

give them

two tens.

You know,

have you ever

met anybody

like that?

You know,

they just got

a negative

thing,

you know,

everything's a

complaint,

everything's a

problem.

You know?

In a marriage,

if we hold

things in,

we can develop

a closed-off

spirit that

builds and

builds until

finally things

break apart.

I want you

to understand

there's also

some things

here,

quick,

we want to

cover it,

that are

friends of

good conversation.

Friends of

good conversation.

One is

undivided

attention.

Having a

conversation

where you can

actually look

at one another

and pay

attention to

one another.

You know?

Have you ever

noticed that when

people are dating,

oftentimes you

know,

it's like to

hear them

talk.

You know,

look at each

other in the

eye.

And the

problem is,

is that after

they're married,

oftentimes they're

distracted.

But that

attention is

important.

You know,

1 Peter 3,

8 says,

finally be ye

all of one

mind,

having compassion,

one of

another,

love his

brother,

be pitiful,

be courteous.

You know?

Oftentimes we

need to draw

our attention

to intentionally

look and

to listen.

Because,

consider,

what does it

say when

somebody's

looking at

you when

you're talking

to them?

That you're

listening.

That you're

paying attention.

You know?

Now,

as parents in

the room,

how often have

you told your

kids,

hey,

look at me?

I know that

never came out

of your mouth,

did it?

That's that

moment when

you think,

oh no,

my parents

just showed

up.

But to

look at

them,

you know,

to understand,

you're not

only teaching

your kids to

listen,

you're teaching

them a common

courtesy,

and the same

courtesy needs

to play in

our relationship.

also next is

giving a

response.

Giving a

response.

1 Peter 3,

7 says,

likewise,

ye husbands,

dwell with

them according

to knowledge,

giving honor

unto the

wife.

You know,

one thing

that will

help you

is to be

sure what

they are

saying.

You know,

communication

gets us in

trouble when

we think

we heard

what somebody

says.

And one

of the

things that

will help

that is

to repeat

it back.

You know?

So what

you're saying

is, am I

hearing you

right?

What you're

telling me

is, you

know, to

make sure

that you

can remove

a lot of

conflict by

confirming

what's actually

being said.

And that's

something we

always have to

work on.

Because how

often have

you thought

you heard

something and

it wasn't

what they

said?

that's

also

important

in the

book

area of

the

reading

and

back

telling you

understood it.

because sometimes

words get

mixed up,

don't they?

Or what

you think

they said

isn't what

they're really

saying.

To understand

that's important

to grab a

hold of

because,

you know,

obviously we're

not, we're

talking about

meaningful

conversation.

You know, I'll

give you a little

clue, guys.

If she asks

for a tissue,

don't say, so

you're saying,

hand me a

tissue, right?

That's not

going to

score you

points,

okay?

I'll just

remove that

off the

table to

keep you

out of

trouble,

you know?

Because I

know somebody

will go home

today and

is going to

be a smart

aleck.

They're just

doing what

the preacher

told me to

do.

But rather,

you know,

to communicate,

you know, so

you're saying

you're hurt

when I

commented about

this or that,

and, you

know, it

gives you an

opportunity to

deal with what

was actually

there.

Because sometimes

you might say

it's this, but

it gives them

an opportunity

to say, no,

that's not

what I said.

Because sometimes

what we hear is

not always what's

said.

And it's

important, just

as important as

what we say is

what we don't

say, you know?

Sometimes we

just don't want

to talk about

something.

Or maybe

your spouse

does, and

then you need

to establish

a time to

talk about

it.

Because it

needs to be

discussed, but

you also need

to give each

other space in

order to be

prepared to

speak about

it.

You know, to

understand.

The next thing

here is respecting

their opinion.

You know, 1 Peter

3, 7 said

giving honor.

You know, I

want you to

understand.

one thing you

can learn,

guys, is

God does

give women

different

perception

than men.

Women, by

nature, pick

up on cues

that oftentimes,

guys, we

miss.

You need to

give credence

to your wife

when she says

something because

there's some

merit behind

it of the

little nuances.

to understand,

respect their

opinion.

You know, your

wife will pick

up things like

moods, facial

expressions, little