Battle Ready: "Here we are talking about Sex" Ephesians 5:3-4 with Pastor Daniel Reese 

If you have your Bible as Ephesians 5 this morning,

I would encourage you to grab a Bible,

begin looking for that passage

as we will read it together here in just a bit.

A couple Sundays ago during our town hall meeting,

it was mentioned that you would prefer more sermons on sex.

So you asked and I am going to deliver that

this morning for you.

Now keep in mind, this has been scheduled

for a couple months now, so maybe that was just the Lord

preparing your hearts for this morning.

But here we are.

Now I can't remember if I told this church

this story or not, so if I have I apologize,

it's gonna be a repeat for you.

But when I first started dating Sina,

I would occasionally visit her at her parent's house

and we'd be sitting on the couch with her family

and but the TV kept going silent

and then these closed captions would show up on the screen

and I had no idea what was going on

and it kind of takes a while to get used to

because you get into a rhythm of watching television.

They had this box attached to their TV

called the parent guardian.

And so anytime a cursed word was said,

it would mute the TV and then it would put on captions,

replace the word with something else.

My favorite was whenever someone would say the word sex,

it would mute it and replace it with the word hugs.

It didn't matter if the context was correct or not.

Sometimes when someone was just being asked

what their gender was, what sex are you or whatever,

it would mute it and replace it with hugs.

And so needless to say, there's been many jokes

throughout the years regarding hugs.

So with that being said,

I'm going to try to keep this topic kid friendly

and at times I'm going to refer to immoral hugs.

And so that you'll know what I'm talking about.

For those of you that got Sandy's email

and for those of you that didn't,

Sandy sent out an email this week to all the parents

encouraging the children to take notes

as we go through this thing.

And so you as a parent, if you'll help them find the passage,

help them find the Bible and then encourage them.

If the kids turn in their notes after the service,

Sandy has some sort of incentive for them.

And so there's Bible, there's plenty of Bibles all around

under the chair in front of you, believe it or not,

those are not just for decoration.

All right, so let's use those things.

We're going to read the first four verses together

so that we understand the context this morning,

but in reality we're just covering verses three and four.

So if you will stand as I read this

as a way to honor the text,

just as the people did in Nehemiah,

we're going to read the first four verses together.

Paul writes, therefore, be imitators of God

as beloved children and walk in love as Christ loved us

and gave himself up for us,

a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

But sexual immorality and all impurity or covetousness

must not even be named among you as is proper among saints.

Let there be no filthiness nor foolish talk

nor crude joking which are out of place,

but instead let there be thanksgiving.

Let's pray.

Father God, I pray that these words will seep into our hearts.

And as we begin to study it,

I pray that you will open our hearts

and open our ears to hear your truth.

I pray, Father, that the words that are said

bring honor and glory to you.

I pray that you will pierce our hearts

with this truth this morning

and help us see your love for us in it.

We ask all these things in Jesus' name, amen.

Amen, amen.

When I was growing up as a kid, teenage or whatever,

when my parents gave me the hugs talk, right?

It was simply like the one I got was simply,

don't do it until you get married.

I didn't even know what it was.

I just knew that I wasn't supposed to be doing it.

But much like our culture today,

I grew up in a hugs obsessed school

where that's what most people were talking about

in some form or fashion, right?

And so I was and I still am the type of person

that if you tell me not to do something,

my curiosity is gonna get the best of me

because I need to know why.

So I started out with a view on sex that was unbiblical

and it took me a long time to understand it

and really kind of come to the point of view

that was God.

So as I was preparing the sermon,

I was writing it from the perspective

of what I wish I knew when I was a teenager.

And really even need to be reminded

from time to time even as an adult.

So if I was talking to the teenage version of myself,

the first thing I would want them to know

is to not accept the culture's view on sex.

Don't accept it.

But beginning all the way back to verse 22 and chapter four,

Paul has been writing about that we as followers

of Jesus Christ need to take off our old way of life

and put on new clothing that is consistent

with our new life in Jesus.

He has made it clear over and over again

that we cannot continue to live the life

that we once lived when we became Christians.

This is not just for not true just for us

as individual believers,

but this is true for us as the body of Christ, right?

The church.

And so then last week we looked at the first two verses

of chapter five and in it we saw that as followers of Jesus,

those who proclaim faith in him,

we are to imitate God by loving others

in the same way that Christ loved us.

We are to be giving,

we are to have a sacrificial love that does,

that loves even the unlovable,

even those that are difficult,

even those that speak ill against us.

But Paul lived in a culture

that was not altogether different from ours.

It seems as we understand more about Ephesus

that that city had totally blurred the distinction

between love and sex.

But the problem was so much more extensive than that.

Now back in Ephesus,

there was this temple to the goddess Artemis.

The Romans knew her as Diana.

And the worship of Artemis was possible

by a multitude of young priests or priests

who gave their bodies to whoever could pay the price

as an act of worship.

And so the whole city accepted immoral hugs

as an act of worship, right?

And regarded it as normal and proper.

And they even regarded it as religious.

But Paul is going to try to fix their thinking.

Notice that Paul says,

within the body of Christ,

these things shouldn't even be named.

Literally he writes that immoral hugs

are not even to be named within the body of Christ.

In other words, again,

we are not to allow it to infiltrate the body

in any form that there should not even be a hint of it

in this place.

Now, when you look at these verses,

it's pretty obvious that Paul has arranged his instructions

into two groups of three words.

The first three deal with our actions

and the second three deal with our words.

And in both those areas,

he makes it clear that we are to reject

the world's view of sex.

So the first action that Paul addresses

is sexual immorality.

This is the Greek word pornaia,

which is where we get our word pornography.

When we examine these and other uses of this word,

we find that it describes any kind,

any kind of sexual activity

that occurs outside the confines of marriage.

That very clearly includes premarital hugs,

adultery, homosexual hugs, prostitution, and pornography.

And even in the Ephesian culture of Paul's day,

those practices had become completely acceptable

and openly practiced without shame.

Sound familiar?

This is why we're going to address the elephant in the room

and help you tackle the issue and struggle of pornography.

Because even though it might have been accepted

in their culture,

I don't think anyone is gonna stand up

and be proud of the fact

that they are addicted to pornography.

It's a source of shame, at least in the church.

Two thirds of our men

and one third of our women have an issue

with viewing pornography regularly.

And I'm not saying that to bring shame.

I'm saying that so that you know

that you're not the only one.

We wanna help you overcome it.

Pornography is in this church.

So I've acknowledged it.

So let's talk about it.

If you are wanting help,

we will provide you with any tools or resources we can.

We can sign you up for a subscription to Covenant Eyes

that you can install on your phone or install on your computer.

We want this to be a safe place

where you don't have to pretend that you aren't struggling.

Some people go to the gym

because they wanna get in shape.

Some people.

Or they wanna lose weight.

People should come to church

because they understand that they need some help.

If there's anyone in this room

that feels like they have it all together,

you've overcome every addiction,

you are walking on water,

then you and I need to switch places

because I am for sure not there.

This is a great place to not be okay

if you wanna get some help.

The next item on Paul's list is impurity.

This phrase is the very same word

that Paul uses to describe the state of mind

that leads to sexual impurity.

So what Paul is saying is not only do we need to fight off

immoral hugs, but we need to be careful

not to even think about it.

Don't let your thoughts dwell on it.

When I was in college, I had this roommate

as many of us did, right?

And he was a really good guy.

He's now a pastor in Arizona.

And while we were living together,

his longtime girlfriend would come and visit him.

Now, they knew that they were gonna get married,

but they were at different universities at the time

so they would see each other about once a month or so.

After she left one time,

we were sitting in the living room talking,

and he shared with me that they went a little bit too far.

Now, when you go to a Bible college,

and you're getting a degree in ministry,

you can't just come right out and say what you did wrong.

And so he would put some sort of spirituality onto it,

right?

And if you've ever been to a Bible college,

you know exactly what I'm talking about.

Well, I fell into temptation.

I gave into my flesh.

I crossed the Jordan, right?

Whatever phrases you want

is to put a spiritual twist on it.

Now, I don't remember what he said,

but I knew what he meant.

So I asked him to give me some more details,

not to be a pervert,

but to really just try and figure out how this happened.

He says, well, we were sitting on the couch

and we were watching a movie.

Okay.

Was the door open?

Nope.

Were you under one blanket?

Yep.

Were the lights on?

Nope.

Were you spooning?

Yep.

Oh, what did you think was gonna happen?

Right?

You put yourself in that situation, it's gonna happen.

If you put a fox in a chicken coop,

don't be surprised the next morning when they're all dead.

Right?

So I have to be careful with what I watch on TV.

There are certain shows that can get my mind

to go places that I don't want it to go.

Now, I've never seen Game of Thrones,

and the only reason being is that I've heard

that there's a bunch of nudity in it.

Now, some people might be able to handle that,

and I'm not one of them.

We have to pay attention to what you are thinking about.

Now, the next one Paul calls covetousness, or greed.

Now, it does not seem to be referring so much to greed

in terms of material possessions,

as much as he is writing about the idea

of coveting another person in the sexual sense.

Now, Jesus mentions this in his Sermon on the Mount.

He says, you've heard it said, do not commit adultery.

Right?

But I tell you, anyone who looks lustfully at another

is just as guilty.

So if you allow your mind to wander,

and start thinking, oh, I wish that was my wife,

I wish that was my husband,

you are walking on dangerous ground

that is going to be detrimental to your relationship.

Do not let the enemy get a foothold in your life

by believing that the grass is greener on the other side.

Fight that off.

The three words that Paul uses here

to characterize the way that the world views hugs,

they all have something in common.

They all reflect the, if it feels good, do it,

mentality that pervades our culture.

Immoral hugs, impurity, and covetousness

are all a natural result of a culture

that focuses on what's in it for me.

What do I get out of this?

How can I be happy quickly?

And as we've already seen, that is a complete contrast

to the kind of love that we are to exhibit

when we are imitating the love of God,

a love that is giving, a love that is selfless,

a love that is focused on the needs of others

as opposed to the needs of ourself.

The reason that the kind of hugs that Paul describes

in this verse has become the God of our culture

is because ourself have become the God of our culture.

And unfortunately, even in the church,

we have bought in hook, line, and sinker to the lie

that the reason that God has established

the kinds of boundaries that Paul writes about here

is because God is trying to rob us of something.

And I hear all the time, well, God's just not any fun.

He's putting all these boundaries around us.

But nothing could be further from the truth.

And I think John 1010 applies here.

He says, I've come that you might have life, right?

And have it abundantly.

The boundaries that God has established

are actually intended to protect us

and make sure that we receive all the blessings

that God intends for us in regards to hugs.

And although I don't need statistics

from our own human experiences to prove that,

there is certainly an abundance of evidence

to confirm that God's principles do work.

In his book, Marriage Savers,

Mike Mimmanus gives us a bunch of statistics

that show that living biblically is better for your marriage.

According to the National Survey of Family Growth,

the odds of divorce grows by 60%

for couples that engage in premarital hugs.

You wanna increase your chances of getting divorced?

Have premarital hugs.

A study by Columbia University shows that only 19%

of couples that live together will end up married.

Another study says that people who have premarital hugs

run the chance of marrying someone who is not right for them

because it makes couples feel closer than they actually are.

It's not just a physical thing.

I'll share one more.

In spite of what the world is trying to tell us,

National Institutes of Health researcher David Larson

found that couples who don't sleep together before marriage

and who are faithful during marriage

are more satisfied with their current hug life

and with their marriages.

They're more satisfied in those areas

compared to those who are sexually active before marriage.

So you have the secular world confirming

that the principles that God lays out in His word

are better for you.

We have to fight culture with our actions,

but in verse four, he also mentions our speech.

The word is rendered filthiness

and it refers to any kind of disgraceful speech.

In today's language, we call it all sorts of things

like pottymouth or whatever.

It may be the kind of language that is acceptable

on a construction site or acceptable in a locker room,

but Paul makes it clear that it is not acceptable

for those of us who claim to be a follower of Jesus.

Unfortunately, this kind of obscenity seems to be more

and more accepted in our culture.

This week, I was in Autozone and the guy in front of me

was having a discussion with the cashier.

Just, you know, just, I was like, come on, dude,

let's wrap it up.

But he was just having this discussion with the cashier

and he was going on and on and on

and it seemed like every other word

without exaggeration was the F word.

He just made it flow naturally.

My question is, in my mind as I'm listening to all this,

is why can't it just be called a starter?

I don't know.

I don't know.

Why is it an F in starter?

You know what I mean?

Like, it makes no sense to me.

I almost don't want to take my kids

to a junior high basketball game

because of what I'm hearing behind this

because it's filled with profanity.

When you think about the conversations

that you've had this week,

does your speech imitate the love of God?

I'll be the first to confess that mine has not this week.

I need to be better.

Then Paul mentions foolish talk.

Foolish, as it's used here, refers to one who is foolish

because he does not understand the things of God.

Psalm 14 once says,

the fool says in his heart there is no God.

In this context of this passage,

it seems to refer to talk that ridicules

God's standards for hugs.

Now, we certainly don't have to look too hard

to find that in our culture.

It has become the norm on our televisions,

in our schools, at our workplaces

to glorify relationships that are not honoring to the Lord.

We celebrate quick hookups.

We celebrate living together.

We celebrate crew joking.

It seems everywhere I look,

it is hard to see what God intended for our culture.

We as believers need to be better.

You set the example.

There are a lot of dangers

that maybe you're not even aware of

when it comes to our speech.

The first one being, it doesn't take sin seriously.

When we joke about that, which is sinful,

rather than condemn it,

we are making light of the seriousness of that sin.

The second thing is it allows us to push the envelope.

Once we begin to engage in immoral speech,

it becomes easier and easier to see

just how far we can push the envelope.

It's just like any other sin.

When we try and find pleasure in our sin,

it takes more and more of that to satisfy us.

That's why the third thing is it leads to action.

After a while, it's no longer adequate

to just talk about immorality.

So we actually move toward engaging in that behavior

that we're talking about.

Most affairs don't start with physical action.

They begin by talking about things

that two unmarried people should never discuss.

The fourth thing is it demeans God's gift.

Hugs in their proper context is a gift from God.

And when we joke about it, we demean that gift.

As we've seen consistently throughout Paul's letters,

it's not just enough to reject the world's standards,

but we need to replace it with something positive.

We're not just taking off our old clothes,

we're putting on new clothes.

And so we're not just rejecting the world.

We're not just rejecting the world's view of sexuality.

We're gonna do something positive with it.

And to do that, we must be thankful.

So Paul says rather than doing what our culture is doing,

we should be thankful for what he has given us.

Paul could have used a number of different approaches

to deal with this topic.

He could have merely reminded his readers

of the Old Testament commandments

to deal with things like adultery or covetousness.

He could have pointed out all the benefits

of following God's principles

rather than the ways of the world.

His readers were faced with a choice,

just like you and I are faced with a choice.

We could either place their own selfish desires

on the throne of their hearts

and be just like the rest of the world.

Or they could put God on the throne of their hearts

and follow God's plans for their lives.

We make that choice each and every day.

So what is it that we are to be thankful for?

Now certainly given the context,

we need to be thankful for the selfless love of Christ

that Paul described in verse two,

which provides the means

for us to even have a relationship with God.

But in the more immediate context of verses three and four,

I think there's something more here.

Although immorality and impurity

have distorted how sex is viewed in our culture,

sex itself is a gift from God to man.

It's a gift which is like a great flowing river

through our lives.

As long as that river remains in its banks,

within the covenant of marriage,

it is a great source of pleasure.

It's a great source of power.

It's a great source of refreshment.

But if it's allowed to overflow its banks,

it becomes destructive,

which can produce great and lasting damage.

Sex is also like a fire.

Now many of you have fireplaces in your home

and when the fire is contained within its structure,

it provides warmth.

It provides enjoyment.

But if that fire escapes from that fireplace,

or somebody forgets to open up the flu,

as has been experienced recently,

it can be uncontrollable.

It can ruin everything.

It can burn the house down.

When we are thankful for God's gift of sex in our lives,

then we will seek to use it to please and honor Him.

And in return, we'll experience an abundant life full of joy,

an abundant life full of intimacy.

But when we allow it to be distorted,

so that it escapes the boundaries of marriage,

it will become an uncontrollable,

destructive force in our life.

Now I don't know where you stand on this topic.

If you are like me, you have made some destructive mistakes

when it comes to this topic throughout my life.

And so this message, this passage,

isn't to bring shame on you.

It's to remind you that even though we've messed up,

Christ still died for us.

Even though you have a past,

even though you're walking in sin,

the offer on the table is abundant life.

The offer on the table is forgiveness.

The offer on the table is to walk in freedom.

And so if you feel condemned this morning,

that is not the goal.

The goal is for you to recognize your sin

and call upon the name of the Lord for forgiveness

because that's the offer on the table.

And as we get ready to celebrate communion,

I want you to dwell on that reality.

Let's pray.

Father God, I pray that as you speak to our hearts,

as we come together as a church family and take communion,

I pray, Father, that you will remind us

as we take the elements of how much we are loved by you.

I pray that people, your children in this place,

will find healing.

We'll find abundant life and forgiveness this morning.

And so Father, we pray that you just surround us

with your presence, fill us with your spirit.

And so Father, I pray that you just surround us

with your presence, fill us with your spirit.

As we look to the cross.

It's your name, we pray.

Amen.