Beyond I Do Night with Pastors Adam and Ashlee Mesa

All right, well, praise God.

It's so good to see everyone as tonight's a little

bit different than you're used to is tonight.

We have our Beyond I do night.

Like Pastor Nathan shared, Beyond the Letter is our podcast

where not only do we want to reach people in

our church, but we also want to reach people far

from Jesus. And believe it or not, we've heard testimonies

of couples and individuals who have found Jesus through these podcasts.

One testimony in particularly that Ashley and I heard last

year was that there was a couple that was separated,

living in different homes, and they started sending each other

clips from our podcast, and the husband didn't know that

his wife had gotten saved in our church and started

attending here, and so then one day she said, those

are actually my pastors.

Would you come to church with me? One day?

The husband never went to church in his life, and

he said, yes, I would, and he ended up giving

his life to Christ and they ended up restoring their

marriage off of conversations not just about scriptures, but about

how the Christian life overflows from our heart. That's why

it's called Beyond the Letter and Beyond I do because

what we also want is as God's word transforms us,

we want that word to live out through our everyday

life where to God says, people will know you not

only by your love, but they also love you by

your fruit, the fruit.

That you have.

And that's what we want to exhibit through. Beyond I

doing that, beyond the letter, and so beyond I do

is our Marriage, Family and Relationship podcast that people listen

to all over America and internationally. And so, like Pastor

Nathan said, we thought, well, let's have four this year

where we come together and we take specific topics that

deal with marriage and family and relationships. And so this

one in particular that we're doing today is how do

you endeavor to raise a godly family? How do you

endeavor to have a godly marriage and a godly family.

But first, before we jump in, I'm gonna ask if

the cameras just follow me for a second, because I

saw something unique up here in the front. I saw

a group of ladies wearing all pink okay, And I

leaned over at my wife and I said, is that

some type of crew? Is that a gang that we

don't know about? That came tonight? So and then Ashley goes, no,

that's the Beyond I Do neighborhood group. That's one of

the neighborhood groups. So you guys listen here. No, I'll

just go down, so I'm not gonna explain it, all right,

who's the ring leader?

Who's the neighborhood group leader? Right here? All right? Go

just just just stand up, go ahead, all right? So

why why is everybody working? Look?

You got a custom one that's we don't even make that. Look, ladies,

Beyond I Do. Ladies, what do you guys do?

Where do you meet? It's a neighborhood group.

So it's a neighborhood group that we have on Mondays.

So it's this is literally just a fraction of it.

We have tons of women that come, we get together.

We watched the podcast and that's our conversation. So it's ladies,

so we can talk about y'all men, and so it's

just just a place to be.

Vulnerable. We laugh.

We haven't cried yet because it's just been fun so far.

But but no, I mean, we just get into deep conversations.

We break down the podcast and we just kind of

go into what's going on on the podcast, and we

really just involve our lives, whether we've lived it or

we're getting ready to live it, or we just encourage

each other. We love on each other. And this is

our field trip. So thanks y'all for having this.

This is this is cool.

So yeah, we had to come rep in since.

Thank you so much.

And I know there's some date nights here tonight too

that have come as well.

Well, Thank you so much.

Appreciate you guys listening to the podcast and making it

part of your life and your community.

Well here we are. We got some special people up.

Here, and I'm gonna let them because every time we

do a Beyond I Do night, we're gonna kind of

invite a different group of individuals in the church. And

here's what I don't want you to get is nobody

that we have up here are we trying to portray,

has figured it out and has.

Done it perfect.

I think many times when I grew up in the

Christian faith, I thought that anyone they had on a

stage meant like they figured it out. They don't argue

no more, they don't have mistakes, they don't you know,

they figured out how to raise the perfect children. And

every child is praise every morning and just loves Jesus

every you know, like that's a misconception, right, And so

I just want you know ahead of time that as

these are individuals that Ashley and I personally respect dearly,

they're also not individuals that were saying, hey, they've done

it perfectly, They've raised kids perfectly, they have a family perfectly.

My mother in law may disagree, but no, but we'll see.

So I'll let them just introduce themselves for a moment

and just share how many children you have and how

many years that you have been or were married. And

so I actually believe or not this is my mother

in law. So I'll start with my mother in law Betsy,

and you can share.

Yeah, it should be let me see, yep, yeah, you're on.

My name is Betsy, our last name Elliott. I'm Ashley's mom.

I have three children, all adults now we are oldest

is forty, our son Anthony, and then we have Ashley

next after that, and then baby girl Ali. And my

husband and I we were married for thirty nine years.

We got together when I or we met in high school.

So I was fifteen, he was sixteen. I was a cheerleader,

he was on the basketball team.

We got married.

I was eighteen, he was nineteen, and then my husband

passed away almost five years ago on our thirty ninth

wedding anniversary.

So I am.

Blessed to be here and a part of Patriot Church,

and so thankful for the support that I get from

everyone here, not just my son in law and my daughter,

but the entire family of Patriots.

So I'm glad to be here.

Yeah, thank you? All right? Is this so oka good song?

Well?

Everyone knows who we are. I'm Cindy and this is

Diego pastor Diego. We've been married forty two years this year,

forty two years this past year.

Already, he said, don't get me the math wrong.

We go through this all.

You can see their.

Dynamic right away normally you hear, my, that's perfect.

About what day didn't we get married just before we

came here. We have three sons, Adam, Nathan, and Caleb,

our middle one, and we have seven grandkids. And we've

just been having a ball with all the changes and

everything that's happening, to watch our kids grow in the

ministry and with what they're doing with Adam, Ashley and

Nathan and SNAs and everybody else. But we're just so

proud of them, and we're excited to be here. And

do you have anythings?

That's it.

He's very very kind. Thank you mother. We'll go right here.

My name is Baldria Rowe we have two adult kids.

We've been together for twenty eight years, and this month

we'll be married twenty five And I know he want

to add to it because you're hurting, goes.

Yeah.

No, as my wife said, I'm thankful that she's put

up with me for twenty five years of marriage. We

celebrate at the end of this month, so let's give

her a hand. And as stated, we have two adult children,

and we're very proud recently parents of an Army soldier officer,

so we're very proud of our sons serving our country.

So and as passed Adam, I'm glad you put that

clause in.

We're still working on it. We don't got it. Figure

it out. Yeah, thank you guys so much.

Well, as you can see, the wives spoke first, because

that's probably the last time they might speak, knowing that

Curtis and my dad but they might jump in.

Well, here's what I want to ask first.

It's not really on my notes, but I thought about

it because I know all of you guys individually, so

I know that you all will have a version of

your answer. I think a lot of individuals here they

either have children, teenagers, college students, and I know for

each of you individually happen.

We have a lot of people who they come to.

Faith and their children either knew they come to faith

when their children are old enough to realize that their

parents came to faith. And so you know, when the

parents come to faith, all of a sudden, mom and

dad were out Friday nights, you know, drinking and dancing

and all these things. And then all of a sudden,

mom and Dad have us in church and have us

developing our faith.

And that's a little bit of a whirldwin.

And I know in my particular situation it wasn't quite

that way, but having my dad as a preacher, I

would hear the stories all the time. And so for

each of you, you maybe you could speak to for

just a moment.

When you guys.

Started to have children and have a family, how did

that personally shape your walk with Jesus, your faith?

What was that driving factor.

Of for a lot of people when they become parents,

it kind of becomes a wake up call because you

realize you don't have the answers, like, I don't know

what's going on. And a lot of people end up

developing faith when they start to have children. So what

shifted for you guys as you had children in your

walk with God and your desire for I think I

want to do it differently than maybe I was raised

or maybe the way I saw it. So I'll open

it up. Whoever here's it has something first.

Wants to jump in. Curtis, did you raise your hand?

You want to jump in there? Problem? I need you

to open it up, all right, I'll open it up. Yeah.

So I had a child when I was eighteen, and

that really opened my eyes.

I grew up without a.

File, and when I have my child, I said, man,

you know I want to do better for her. But

I grew up in a household, a Christian household, where

I went to church eight days a week. I know

you're like, how did you go eight because we went

back twice.

Sometime on Sunday? Okay?

And I didn't like going to church that much, right,

But when I have my daughter opened my eyes because

I was wild at that age and I said, man,

I got to do better.

I want to give her better.

And one of the things that I knew that was

a great foundation for me is that I went to.

Church so much.

I was raised in a Christian household and so forth.

So then later on in life, you know, I said,

I want to do it right this time, right, get

married and through things. But when I get married, I

want our family to go to church. I want our

family to serve in church because I know that it works.

I know that bringing up children in church. I know

that I'm a living testimony. Right. I was brought up

in church. I strayed. I strayed left right, and God's

still working on me now. But it works. Right.

The Bible says if you train up a child and

the way they should go, they will not.

Depart from it.

It doesn't say they will straight, but they will not

depart from it. So just a little bit of nugget

of encouragement to the parents out there, they say, man,

I got kids that.

Have went wayward. I got kids I don't know what

to do.

Keep praying and don't give up on them.

It's great.

Any what, Betsy, do you have anything on them?

My husband and our salvation story is based upon our marriage.

So we had been married for almost ten years and

basically we're headed for divorce. At least we thought that

in our own minds. We fortunately never spoke it, but

we were going to marriage counseling at the time, and

they weren't a Christian counselor, and so they pretty much

were like, you guys are terrible. You're never gonna make it.

And so we left in separate cars one day thinking

that that was it, both of us, and I thought

I was going to be a single parent with two

children because I just had Anthony and Ashley at the time.

And then somebody invited us to a church. Now I

was going to church every Sunday, but it was a

Catholic church, and so.

I had Jesus in my head but not in my heart.

And so I always was pretty much a good girl

on my way to Hell because I didn't party, I

didn't smoke, didn't drink, didn't do drugs, didn't curse. But

I was on my way to hell because I didn't

know Jesus. And then somebody invited us to a Christian

church and my husband said, will you go?

And I was like he had never been.

To church, so I was like, sure, I guess I'm

going to the Catholic church in the morning with the

kids and I'll go with you. And we were so

loved on, so welcomed, and within a week we received

Jesus as our Lord and Savior, and God restored our marriage.

And so Ashley was only three years old, Anthony was

seven years old. Within two weeks, my husband and I

Anthony all gave you know, got baptized.

So we had already received Jesus.

But that next Sunday when they had the children's church

come in, they said, any of the children that had.

Received Jesus, they're going to bring them in now.

And in walked Anthony after he had seen my husband

and I get saved on a Thursday night after a

church basketball game. So I don't think we really had that,

you know out there, you know, partying type of lifestyle

so much, although you know, maybe a little bit when

he was first in the military, when my husband was away,

but the kids pretty much only knew saved parents. Ali

only knew saved parents, which was a blessing and so

maybe a blessing, but maybe to them a curse because

we were pretty strict.

Yeah, yeah, so then speak maybe right at the beginning. Then,

so how did you how did you guys begin to

define with your Christian walk boundaries raising children.

Like what we were.

Some were there some clear things were clear to you

guys to say, hey, now that I'm following God, I

want my children to be raised in a godly household.

Were there's some distinctives that you felt were these are

going to kind of be non negotiables for us.

This is going to be.

Something that's maybe even uncomfortable for us, but we need

to stick to it for the sake of our children.

Mom or Dad. Was there anythings that stuck out to

you guys with that?

Well, again, you know, we got saved at such a

young age, and our kids had never seen an unsaved

side of us, so we didn't they didn't have to

deal with that. But you know, there was the overwhelming

sense of responsibility that we would stand before God and

give an account of how we raised our kids. And

then the also the illumination was they were not our kids,

they would be our brothers and sisters.

And the Lord.

And so with that in mind, you know, I wanted

to ensure that it just wasn't a domination and in

controlling as a parent, you know that, so teaching them

you know, how to be responsible, so you know, modelship

and exampleship was so.

Huge for us.

We would get in disagreements, but we would never ever

fight in front of the kids.

So a non.

Negotiable and a rule was we would never do that.

We would never let them see that side of us.

So you know, we tabled it for another time or

when they went to bed, so they we kept the

unity of the home.

We wanted them to.

Feel secure in who they were and that their home

and their mommy and daddy. Again, I was very, very

protective and active in every aspect of their lives. Who

their friends were, sleepovers if very few of those went

on music, movies, dress, hair color. I was actively involved

in everything. Now, I wasn't from a domineering It was

a conversation do you want to be like the world?

Tell me why you want to do this? And me

schooling them and talking them through those kinds of things.

But I felt like I was totally responsible and I

had invested so much not money but prayers and time

within these children that I just wasn't gonna let the

enemy come in through the back door, and so you know,

that's why you know Adam is passor Adam is talking,

so you know vocally about you know, when they were

in there in her womb, I was praying over them.

I had more prayer time invested in their womb. They

were already married and old in their womb. Through my prayer, life,

prayer carves the path that they will walk on. So

I didn't wait for trouble to happen. I didn't wait

for them for anything. I was already ahead in prayer.

So that's what I would say.

Yeah, that's great, But maybe on the same boundary front,

maybe briefly tell the story where we begged you for months,

me and Caleb to sign up for Pop Warner and

you took us to sign up for football and we

were there maybe for five minutes before we left.

Why was that.

Well, because they have it on Sundays. And that was like, no,

you can't do any sports on a Sunday because we

have to go to church. That is the Lord's Day

and that's what we got to do. And so whatever

sports you know, they were in, obviously it was during

the week or whatever, but not on a Sunday. I

think that's pretty much with all of us. Huh you

Betsy and you Yeah, so Saturday service, yeah, actually played

on Sunday but got Saturday night. So well, we were

at church Saturday, Sunday, Wednesday whenever, and the kids were

with us.

They were in children's church.

But whenever we could do sports they were really into

the back then was hockey, roller hockey, basketball that yeah, yeah, yeah.

Let me just say something. You said something which is

really important is that coming to church and being at

church was a non negotiable.

I was ahead of my household and I was going

to do that.

And again I'm not talking about in a dominating an

ugly way. But to balance that out was the fact

that we would also be there for their interest. So

I think parents drag their kids to church and then

they're they're not involved in their interest and they're and

they're not supporting them in their private life. See it'll

eventually when they're young, you could get away with that,

but when they start having a mind and opinion and independence,

they won't come to church, and you've got trouble. But

if they see you investing in what they like, then

it can balance out that you.

Know they're they're willing to Morgan.

Yeah, yeah, I just wanted to say, because like with baseball,

Nathan didn't like baseball.

So Nathan didn't like any sports.

Well just because we liked it, we weren't going to

force our kids to do that with what he was saying.

So whatever you guys liked and if we.

Could do it, we would do it.

Yeah that's great.

Well, Betsy, maybe speak on not really the opposite, but

maybe another version where you and Tom sacrificed a lot

of time for your children to be invested in sports.

And what a lot of people don't know all the

time is Ashley played professional soccer, went to one of

the largest universities to play d one Ali your daughter's

same thing, and.

So you got But like you guys did really.

Strange things, not weird, but it just the average person

could not imagine the sec on top of church, the

sacrifice you and Tom made to invest in your children.

Speaking to my dad talking about interest, I mean it,

Ashley tells me her childhood of what you and Tom

would do, and I.

Would think I wouldn't have done. I won't do that.

You know, we're crazy. Don't do what we did. We

were crazy.

We lived in Victorville at the time we worked in Norco.

We would go from Victorville fifty five miles to Norco,

go from Norco back to Victorville, have the girls in

the car with their homework and their dinner, and drive

eighty eight miles to soccer practice past.

Norco, all the way to Newport Beach and then all

the way to Newport Beach back to Victorville.

About two times a week during the week and then

on the weekends when she played soccer either in Lancaster

or San Diego Long Beach. We were putting three hundred

and fifty thousand miles on the suburban and it was crazy,

but it kept them.

It kept them.

I mean, that's the other thing, because you know that commitment.

It kept him busy.

It kept him busy, and we had their attention. So,

you know, even when Ashley and Alli were running track

to Marino Valley from Victorville so that they could run track,

and so we spent time talking and sharing and praying.

And you know, I think when Ashley got her her

scriptures that were her foundation scriptures, was when she was

running track. Because there was intimidating girls on the on

the track, and we started listening to a lot of

praise and worship music on the way, and so she

got the song in her heart that was, you know

that God has not given me a spirit of fear,

but of power, of love and of a sound mind.

And she kept that all the way through college, I

mean even on her college locker at the University of

Florida that we had printed out and it was embroidered

on like these hangars that hung in her in her

school the entire time that she was in school. Even

it was painted on her walls. So she had several

scriptures painted on her walls.

One was, you know, a.

Huge soccer ball with that scripture Tewid Timothy one and seven.

And then she had the national team cress, which was

Matthew six thirty three, SEEKI first the King of God

and his Righteous and all these other things will be

added unto you. And she actually was with the national

team pool for many years, from the time she was

fourteen till the time she was twenty three years old,

so never made the Olympic jump, but was in the

pool with all the other Olympians, and it was a blessing.

She had another scripture that you know, said to trust

in the Lord with all your heart, and you know,

lean not to your own understanding and all your ways.

Acknowledge him and he'll direct your path.

Was underneath her Florida gator that was painted the havaka too, yeah,

which is to write the vision and make it plain.

So we had scriptures on the walls, we had scriptures

in the bathroom, you know. So it was constantly being

you know, spoken and read and listened to. And I

think it really, you know, helped them to have it

in their heart even when they.

Went away to school.

When they went away to school, Ashley found a church

to go to. And so when I would come to

town with my husband and we'd stay there for the

Florida Games and the National Championships and all that other stuff,

we were in a church one in Gainesville, Florida. So

I was thankful for all of those opportunities.

I'll add to this though, because you do know me,

because we're transparent, we're family, patriot family.

There were moments though, in.

College I struggled, for sure, what was your processing? When

you knew I was struggling with partying and drinking and.

Oh that.

This was it, This was it, This was it.

You know, that's what a parent does, right.

I mean, we trust God, we trust God, but we

don't stop praying.

We don't stop praying.

We keep believing that God will see them through. And

so God is faithful. God is faithful. I'm a living witness.

God is faithful, you know.

So, yeah, that's great.

Do would any of you guys, I know there's probably

some people in here and people watching online who are

stepping into the teenage phase. Are there any anybody in

here with some teenagers? You know, yeah, quite a few hands.

So let's try to Let's try to see we can

get you all some help too at the same time, because.

That's a tough age.

Start turning twelve thirteen, fourteen, fifteen. I mean, you know,

if you got daughters, they start giving attitude to mom.

If you got sons, they start getting silent. You know,

all these things start happening. And so do you guys

have any insight that as all of your children began

to hit those teenage years.

How did you specifically?

I know, maybe Curtis, you have some things at Baldria,

I know some things that you've done with Junior, specifically

in church but just in general people stepping into that

teenage phase. What are some tips you would give not

only to be able to be active parents, present parents.

But also the you know.

I just briefly, I tell a story that when I

was a youth pastor, there was a man who walked

up to me in the courtyard and he said, he said,

you got to fix my two daughters. Man, I gotta

get a meeting with you because they're they're talking back

to mom.

They're not listening.

One of them started getting into marijuana in high school.

And this and that and that, and he said, you

just you need to talk to my daughters. They they're

just driving me and my wife nuts. And I said, okay.

It was a Sunday, I said, I said, I said

bring them. I'll talk to them right now for just

a moment. Let's meet them. And he said, well, they're

not here today. And I said we Why aren't they

here today? And he said, well because they play volleyball

and they had a game yesterday, so we let them

sleep in. They were very tired. I said, okay, we'll

bring them on Wednesday. Oh, they have volleyball practice. I

can't bring them on Wednesday. Here's the day that works

for us, and I went that day actually did work

for me, but I said, sorry, I'm all booked that

day because it was it was I'm not going to

just work around your schedule in the sense of there's

only so much.

I could do as a pastor.

Right if the parent's not going to partner with me,

then then the power's out of my hands. So what

what we often do is with teenagers is we you know,

we maybe either go too hard or we go way

too easy. So, as you guys had teenagers, what were

some things that you know stick out that maybe you

say you did well or maybe say, man, we really

help us with some things you messed up on too.

We really did bad with this, you know. And here's

how we would do different. So let any of you

guys jump in with that.

Teenage years, college years.

One of the things that helped me with my son

is to be transparent, you know, be growing up.

And I had another side to me.

I hid that from him a lot of the times

because I didn't.

Want him to see that. Right, my daughter saw that.

So I said, hey, son, you know your sister I

had her when I was eighteen, I said, so I

don't want you to make the same mistakes. And so,

as we know teenagers, they like things. They liked the Jordans,

they liked the clothes, they like the things, and so

I enticed them a little bit. If you get all age,

you do good, you serve in church, I'll reward you.

That worked for me, but it kind of backfire little

bit because the kid got all A's and I bought

Jordan's every other week, and iPads and apples and so forth.

Right, But then I would sit down.

With him when his mom wasn't around because we totally

opposite and she just loves them. And as a young

black man, I would tell him and say, listen, you know,

no excuses in life.

It's opportunity.

But you know you gotta what you do now will

affect you later, okay. And then I said, you see

dad at serving at church. You're gonna serve at church.

And if you guys remember years ago, we used to

always dress alike too, well, even in sports teams, every

team dresses alike. I come from the corporate world, so

you have a just say, if it's electrician, you have

an apprentice.

So I just didn't tell him. I showed him Dad

was serving right.

Dad shared mistakes that he made with him and spoke

life into him.

And then I had to pop that butt every now

and then too right.

And it linked at the scripture right, spare a rid,

spoil a child.

Right. But it was out of.

Love because I care, because I didn't want him to

be a statistic I wanted him to the sky is

unlimited for him. So my main problems came a little later.

High school was great.

Because he wanted everything. He had a car and so forth.

I never forget when he came back from his first

year of college, that was his first time away. The

old folks say he began to smell himself right he

came home. I know I had had a tracker on him,

so I know everywhere he was at.

But I said, I don't care what you do.

If you get home at three four in the morning,

you're taking your butt to church and you're serving. And

I remember I asked Past diego for a couple of

churches and so forth, and I be in church and

looking at seeing he get into three. But you better

have your butt up, is sis. So no matter what

parents you need to, what helps with me?

I don't got it?

All together, but we stayed connected in church. We was

active in church, my wife served in church. And then

those times I was transparent with my son because I care,

because I wanted by not having a father, I didn't

want to make the same mistakes and the mistakes that

I made younger, right, I didn't want him to make it.

So we built only later I became a.

Little bit of a friend, but I wanted him to

know I'm not your buddy, I'm.

Your dad, and I care about you. Right.

So that's some of the things that worked for me

being transparent, you know, father in love, taking them and

exposing him to things, right, the good, bad, and the ugly.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's great.

And you spoke and people may not know because we

a lot of people knew, or the church because your

son's out of college now he's in the.

Military, really gifted.

But from junior high in high school, every Sunday, your

son would wear a matching suit with you. You guys would

wear a matching suit and you'd stand in that back

row over there and you would usher people to their

seat and he would just stand right next to you

and he would just run whatever you were doing. He

was doing you know, and everybody you just knew that

was junior.

Like the dad had junior.

With him and they were gonna wear pretty much the

same thing, same kind of tie, and you guys are

just gonna serve together. But you know, just knowing knowing

your son, it just God has really used him and

become an incredible young man, uh as well. And I

think last year he shared at our young adult night

and just and just and just blew it away, you know,

really shared God's work incredibly. So you know, thank you

for setting that example over the years as well. What

about uh, any opinions or regrets if you ever regrets,

it's sitting here right here.

And yes, so they know everything, but you know, we

we had rules.

We it was just we had rules. They knew, they

knew what the rules were.

We tried to explain why we had rules, but they

had a ton of structure in their lives. Now, every

one of them had different personalities, so they reacted, and

that's what we had to decide that we sometimes had

to take them individually in how we teach them or

how we discipline them because there were three different personalities.

So Nathan was extremely compliant. I don't ever remember him

breaking a rule and if he did, I'd say Nathan

and he start crying.

That was it. That was Nathan.

Caleb was a little bit medium. He was a little

bit medium. And then we had Adam, which was like

Betsy talking.

About a lot of prayer.

I mean a lot of things like that going on.

But there was a lot of structure, a lot of

rules within the home, and I just I didn't compromise

with that.

That was a reflection of my.

Faith and how I would lead my family. So they know,

they never listened to secular music. They were not allowed,

just as a rule, just as an example, they were

not They could listen to oldies music, but they couldn't

or Christian music, and they loved uh, who Who's your

Carmen and all the yeah yeah, yeah. So there was

there was a lot of that and then and then

when I then when I disciplined them. Number one, I

was trying to be consistent in the discipline, and a

lot of parents are not consistent in the discipline. So

you're growing kids are emotional and they're growing up very erratic.

I try to be an example of the rules that

applied to me also, and kids don't like that. They

don't like it that you put the rules on them,

and then there's no rules on you. So there's rules

that went across the board. And then ultimately when we

did come to disciplining them, there was a lot of

love that was with that discipline even while we were

doing it, and then after to reaffirm how much we

value them and how loved they are.

Yeah, that's great. Do you have anything.

We used to let our kids listen to secular music

in the car, but there was a rule, and I

asked knows. The rule is, if we hear one foul word,

it gets changed off of the radio station.

So sometimes I wouldn't have to wait sixty.

Seconds and I'd get to listen to what I wanted

to listen to.

But also I think, you know.

We definitely try to keep our communication going off and

with our children and all things, and most of our

children and your children too, they want to please you.

Their desire is to make you happy. Their desire is

not for you to be upset with them. And one

thing that when the kids were growing up, every time

they would leave the house to go to school, I

would say, I'm trusting you to make wise decisions.

Today, So I was putting it on them.

As long as I said my words, I'm trusting you

to make wise decisions today, their actions were on them,

and so they could have a lot of freedoms as

long as they made wise decisions. But if I found

out that they weren't, then we'd have to handle that right,

handle that exactly, exactly. But I think my husband and

I we disciplined the kids from the time they were

really little, and he was probably the main disciplinarian, and

probably the kids had a lot of fear in some ways.

You know, he loved them dearly, but because he was

tall and loud and you know.

Put his foot down.

But we tried to get the kids when they were little.

So Ashley probably remembers many times getting a backhand in

the mouth, but she was only that high. So I'm

only five too, so she was getting it when she

was three and four, so that by the time she

was eight or nine, she didn't have to get it

except when she tried me, right, you want to talk

about that, well, you know, or she you know, when

I spanked her one time and.

She said that didn't hurt.

Yeah, so then you know what happened. I made sure

that it hurt.

Auger.

You have something yes, I would like to add, especially

in marriages, the husband and wife, you do not always

agree on how you're going to raise your kids and

what they're going to listen to and what they're going

to do. And so my husband, of course you can

hear him, he's always loud.

I'm more quiet, and so his.

Approach and doing things, and when he's with our son

especially or even our daughter, he would listen to certain music,

whereas me, I was the other example, always trying to

make sure. I was like, okay, I don't want my

kids to hear nothing but Christian music. And my son

he would sometimes say, my that's not totally Christian music.

And then I found out there's a lot of different

types of good music. But my husband sometimes would listen

to things and I was like, okay, is that a

Christian song?

And so for me he said Tupac.

And so you try to have a balance, and so

when he was with his dad, I was like okay.

And so it's so funny because my son was like, Ma,

you listen to this, Ya listen to this.

But you come to.

Find out that they're learning even when they're out in

the world and hearing different things, so I couldn't protect

him from those things that they're listening to.

So I did like Bessie.

I was always praying, and I wanted the best for

our kids. So I'm always saying I'm praying and I'm

encouraging them, and I'm speaking life with them and for

our son from the time he was in my stomach,

of course, praying all the time. And so I said

he only knew church because I served in church. My

husband met me in church. So when he decided he

wanted to get hisself together, God sent him to the church.

And so I was always trying to be that example.

I didn't get it right, and I always say the

right things, and I always said, God, this is your child.

I gave him back to you. I'm not gonna be perfect.

I'm not gonna always say the right thing, I'm not

gonna always do the right thing, but I'm going to

try to make sure I do what you want me

to do with your kids. And I want them to

love you and know you just like I do, because

I depend totally on God in every situation, because it's

good times, bad times. And get to show our kids

that it's not easy.

Yeah, maybe, but I'm a rapid fire.

Couple questions with the last few times that we have

you could take it on any angle of this. Number one,

any tips on going into a season of empty nesting,

and so you got everyone here has experienced the season

of empty nesting at children.

That have all left.

And then also on top of that, you could sandwich

the two is how have you created boundaries or shifted

your mentality being a grandparent now but even with your children,

and so any thoughts that you have on that empty

nesting and then stepping into a season of grandparenting even

still while also having children. But they're they're grown now,

and so you know, they may make mistakes or whatever

that may is make their mistakes may not be the

way that you raise them, but you can't control them

no more. They're they're not They're grown, you know, And

and maybe the way they're raising your grandchildren ain't the

way that you would prefer, you know, to happen. So

any thoughts on that heavy amen in the front.

One thing that I was super fortunate about with regards

to empty nesting is my granddaughter was born on the

graduation day of my youngest daughter. So when Ali graduated

high school, that morning my granddaughter was born. So it

kind of went from I'm going to be an empty nester.

Oh, I'm a grandma.

So it was really really a blessing. But with regards

to the grandchildren, since I have the one granddaughter and

five grandsons, I just try to sew as much seed

as I can. So I drive my four of my

grandchildren to school Monday through Friday, not because I have to,

but because I want to, and that's my opportunity to

sew as much seed as quickly as I can. So

we have a routine that would probably blow you away

because as soon as we get in the car, they

know we're doing the I am so they're doing.

They're words of affirmation.

I am courageous, I am victorious, I am blessed, I

am gifted, I am beautiful. There's like sixteen of them,

and at the end they say, I am God's masterpiece.

I do not smoke, I do not drink, I don't

use drugs.

I have wisdom, I.

Have understanding, and I'm a great reader. And we say

that because during COVID, one of my grandsons was in

elementary school, and missed two years of learning to read,

and so he was struggling for a while. So we

say that I am a great reader, and they say,

I have wisdom and I have understanding, and with God's help,

I can do hard things. And so that then straight

after that we go into the devotional So I have

a devotional book for the little boys, and I have

a devotional book for my teenage granddaughter. Each the boys

take turns reading, and then my granddaughter reads every day

on you know, as we go to school.

And then you know, I pray with them right.

After the I ams and then devotionals, and then we

do the Lord's Prayer. Not every day, we don't do

the Lord's Prayer, but I wanted them to memorize it.

So they take turns reading it. And the same thing

with the Ten Commandments, they take turns reading it. So

and somebody because the community of patriots so beautiful I've had.

I've been blessed to.

Have so many women that are here, help pray for

my children, help pray for my grandchildren. And so with

all of that community, you know, we continue to work

together because we need each other. And so, you know,

but that's how I deal with my grandchildren. And if

I don't like how you and Ashley are raising the boys,

which I have no problem with, except look at me

when you talk to me because iPads. iPads will keep

those kids from looking at you.

So that's a pet peeve of mine.

I'm like, say hi to me, and look at me,

look at me on my face, look at me in

my eyeballs, I tell them. But yeah, so I think that,

you know, if I don't agree, I try to keep quiet,

but I'm not really good at it.

Yeah, we know you we well for me with the

empty nester thing. We all know that when our kids

grow up and they leave where you know, some of

us were like, yeah, yes they're gone. We're empty nesters.

The kids are out of the house and we can

have more time together. But but we but we miss them.

But as long as you're praying and you know where

they're at, if they're on their own or if they're

getting married, you just pray for them and just thank

God that where they came from growing up, you know,

in a Christian home and in church, then you know

they'll be fine. Because I know some of people that

I know is that we're in you know, we're empty nesters.

But what do we do. You know, our kids aren't here.

We're alone, and we want to make sure they're okay.

You know what's happening with them. Well, you're just leave

it in God's hands. And that's what we did because

we know where they came from. Our kids. Like Diego said,

we're a little different because our kids grew up in

church from the day they were born. They were in

children's church and then you know, at all the services

and stuff. So that's us with the empty nesters. And

then I'm like with Betsy exactly. I think a lot

of us grandparents are like that. But I take our

grandkids to school also, and we have seven of them,

and because they're all, you know, obviously in different homes,

So Diego takes some one day and then I'll take

some the other day. And again it's not because we

have to. We want to, and this is something we

started to do last year and we enjoy. I love

taking our grandkids to school because then we get that

short little time, you know, even though it's fifteen minutes.

I told Diego, I don't care. It's that quality time

with them. And I don't do as much as Betsy

does with all the scriptures and everything. But for me,

the important thing is is that they hear me pray

because I go, Okay, kids, it's time to pray. Turn

off the radio, turn off your voices. I'm gonna pray first,

and then I want each and every one of them

to pray, because I want them to learn how to pray,

even though they're getting it from their parents, but you know,

from grandma and grandpa so, and they're so cute and

they try so hard, and to listen to them, it's

so sweet.

And they know.

How to pray because they're getting it from Children's Church

and from their home.

So we enjoy doing that too.

And you just invest in them and you pray over them,

and you know, pray, you know, pray. God's watching over

them what he is.

So when I pick them up, I don't we don't

have ims and we don't pray. We turn on smash

Mouth and we listen to and we all know the

words to I'm an all Star, get your game on,

no go play. So I'm motivating them that way, speaking

destiny into them.

I would say in.

Raising the kids, there comes a point where a parent

has to transition from being the authority figure in their

lives and speaking by authority to speaking by suggestion. Amen,

And some parents still talk to their thirty forty fifty

year old like they're authorited, and that's why they.

Don't want to be around you.

You got to speak by speak your mind, but you

speak by suggestion, giving them the right to make a decision,

so that you have to transition in thinking that way.

Number two is, I don't I believe as a parent

until you get to the point where you are an

invalid or sick or can't drive. You are the principal

initiator in seeking out your kids. I've seen so many

people my I wish my child would call me. I

wish my baby would come pick me up. Well, get

on the phone. You can drive and go take them out.

What's the problem. You initiate the relationship.

You're the parent. Be the parent as long as you

can be the parent.

So I don't just sit there and say I don't

know why no one calls me knowing to I take

the initiative. I haven't talked to my boys in a

long time. To talk to them or try to do

something if you know they're real busy now, So it's very,

very difficult, but that's that's the thing. I think it's

your responsibility to do that, and so to keep speaking

into their lives, and you know, I think.

They value that.

They really do value that, and you're creating great memories

around that.

So that's great.

And then, Curtis and Valgerie, if you want to close

with a thought or add anything that you feel like

maybe we miss. I think everything is applicable. But if

there's anything for a blended family that you just feel like,

I would probably maybe just add this thought on top

of it, being that you guys had been a blended

family and you had a previous child. Curtis, anything you

guys want to add with that.

As well as we share this last.

Thought, well, I was just just giving kudos to my

wife when when I met her, my daughter was three,

and from day one, she never treated her like a

step child. Right when I began to change my life

and growing up church and I went back to church.

I was a single guy bringing my daughter to church

because that was my foundation. She knew this, noticed something

was wrong because my daughter hair was everywhere because I

tried to do the boats and things like that.

Right, But it's so important.

As the parent, I had taught my child to respect

her right, respect her and to love her, and vow

made sure she showed that love right. So in the

blended family, it's very very important. Children can tell if

they feel like a stepchild or they're not getting the

same love right.

That's very important.

Also what Pasa Diego mentioned earlier about because the transition

for my son becoming my son and her baby to

a man now that's carrying AK forty seven, I had

to adjust talking to him not as my baby, but

as suggestions, Hey, son, I wouldn't do this.

The same thing with my daughter.

Hey I wouldn't do this, I wouldn't buy this house

or whatever.

Right.

So that's very very important. And then the last part

of transitioning the man she married and the wife I

married twenty five years ago is different, so you have

to adjust in your marriage and your relationships.

That's very very important.

It was hard for me to transition because we spent

a lot of our life for our children, but now

I had to spend it with her.

So it was kind of odd, Right, I'm in.

The house and so forth, and you know, I'm looking

at her, she looking at me and.

You know so. But it's some fun parts to it.

That was the first time in eighteen years I got

to walk around in my birthday.

Suit, so that was pretty fun too. So it's some

good things to be in an empty nester. Okay.

But seriously, though, the key that everyone mentioned is think

of it. I'm going to leave you with this analogy

in your mind. A foundation everything that is said on

this stage tonight.

If you're building a house, they didn't.

Say they're gonna put the roof on, they didn't mention

the windows. Foundation, and that foundation is Jesus Christ, and

that's so so important.

I am a living testimony. I grew up in church.

I strayed, but because I had that foundation and the

word of God is true. As I said again, it

doesn't say you won't stray right, but you will not

depart from it.

And that's the biggest thing that I hold on to.

And for those who.

May have wayward children, children that have strayed, and you,

like man, I don't know.

What to do. Keep the faith trust in God.

The last time I read the Bible says He's the

same yesterday, today and forevermore So, don't give up hope,

on your children and love them.

You know, I want to end with what he said,

and I really want to ask you as the senior

pastor and as a former youth pastor, because you asked

about growing raising teenagers, and let's talk about troubled teenagers

and rebellious teenagers and parents feel just so hopeless and helpless.

So how would you address a parent on dealing with

a troubled, rebellious, worldly teenager.

What's the hope for them? I mean, I think there

are some things.

Number one, going from my youth pastor days, is about

half of our youth ministry specifically here because we're a

majority minority church.

Patriot Is and.

So statistics are statistics, so majority, you know, half, it's

somewhere around there, but half African American and even Hispanic

homes are single mother homes. And so when I was

in youth ministry, about half of my teenagers were single mothers.

And so what I would drill in a lot of

times with our male volunteers, which we still talk about

today with our male volunteers at Patriot Youth is you know,

there's going to be a lot of young men who

don't have dads in their life.

And you're not there to be their father, but you

are there to.

Help develop discipline that a father brings. And so for us,

it's so important if anyone is ever thinking about serving,

and you're a man, please serve in patriot kids and

patriot youth because there are a lot of young girls,

young boys, young men, and young women who do not

have fathers in their lives. And so right away, if

the troubled teenager doesn't have an active dad, well that's

where I would say church should absolutely be a non

negotiable then, because you need to expose them to godly

men as best as possible, and the moment they come

of an age that they can start serving, start having

them play. They need to be around other men, and

they need to be able to see other men, especially

young men if they're troubled in that area, So that

is absolutely critical. Additionally, could could have a father, but

he could be an absent father, and so once again

that involvement in church is going to be critical in

that especially if I had if I had a son

or daughter that either had an absent father so he's

in the home but each checked out or no father

at all, then sports and being in church would be

two non negotiables, because that's where you get men involved

in your life, and so put them in things that

men coaches, men pastors are going to be speaking to

their voice, and so there's a huge value around that

second you kind of mentioned it, Dad, which is make

sure there's no hypocrisy in yourself. And so there was

a particular time, this is a long time ago, I

was dealing with a youth who was in gangs. He

was selling drugs, and his mom brought him to me,

dropped him off in my office, as the youth pastor

basically said, fix him. He's in gangs, he's dealing drugs.

And I asked the mother to leave the room. And

the moment she left the room, he said, he pointed

at the door and he said, she's a hypocrite. She

has a man in our house every other weekend, a

new guy. She comes to church, she lifts her hands up,

she praise has God now again. She could have her

own reasons, she could have her own hurts, she could

have her own pains.

But to her, her.

Son was rebellion. Her son was fighting against her. But

the reality was the son was broken, he was hurting,

and there was no one to speak to him, and

so as a parent, the parent's not always going to

be the one wrong. But in that case, I'll deeply

reflect what trauma am I bringing for my own lack

of a parent, my own lack of a relationship with

my mother, my own relationship or a mother or father

that I'm bringing into my child right now. And you

need to be healed of that, you need to be

delivered of that, you need to go to counseling for that,

and because you're taking it in without you realizing.

And so I very rarely in all my years met.

A child that just woke up one day and decided

to become Dennis the Menace. It was very rare, and

when it did happen, and I did have conversations with

kids that were like that. And that's where youth ministry

is important. And sitting down with your youth pastor and

utilizing resources that your church has for you is absolutely critical.

Get in a neighborhood group, small group with other parents

as you're navigating that. So those would be just some

of the things that as people are navigating teenagers. What

I saw over the years pastor herons in here he

ran our youth ministry for ten years, you know recently.

He could speak to that too. Go to Pastor Haron

one day and ask he's gonna say relatively the same things,

but he'll have some things like that. But hack into

their phone, know what they're watching on their laptop, know

who they're talking to. They could have terrible friends, you know.

And so you're the parent, so you dictate who they

hang around with, who they talk to, who they're on

webchat with, know it, know all the apps they're doing.

Every once in a while, if you have a parent

of teenagers, you should be googling what are the top

apps teenagers are using? Because you think it's Instagram, but

it's everything new under the sun every other day, and

so they're hacking through Snapchat, they're hacking through every and

there's gonna be teenagers that are mad at me, and

they're gonna be like, hey, don't do that. But trust me,

if it'll save your soul, I'll snitch on you all

day long that your parents should. I hated it as

a teenager too, but I'm in the house of God

and so and I made mistakes. But you were like that.

You know, if you watch Lord of the rings. There's

the eye of sourn. You know, it just goes. Your

eyes were on me, and so I feared every day

I stepped out the house and.

I made dumb decisions.

But when I woke up, and I always tell the

story when I woke up in a strip club crying sober.

The next day, I was at your house crying at

twenty one years old, saying I need to get it together.

And you said, Dave King, David made mistakes. All that

matters is the heart that comes, that wants the hunger

for God. And then you told me, you know you're

gonna be all right.

But I did that because you guys were an example.

If I was like, well, my dad's the same way,

why would I go to my dad after the strip club?

He's gonna be like, why'd you cry in a strip club?

You're weak? You know so what you know? So why

would I do that?

And my parents set the example, And so that's just

what I would say to that. But hopefully that gives

encouragement and hope and not judgment in any way, because

I want people to win in that way. But I'll

hopefully did you guys enjoy this, because we're gonna close

and leave here together, and I'm gonna ask my wife

Ashley to close us in prayer. Then I'm gonna ask

Pastor Diego if you just do a brief salvation appeal

after and then when Pastor Diego's done, we'll all leave

here together. And if anyone needs any prayer at all

here today, you may have heard some things that you're like, yeah,

I need some prayer, you know.

Then I'm gonna.

Invite you our elders d get some prayer team they'll

be up here and they'd be happy to pray for you.

Ashley. We just do a quick prayer and Pastor Diego

will close.

Okay, yeah, yeah, you know, I just needed another guideline.

Okay, yeah quick, Darrenly.

Father, we just thank you for this time of fellowship.

We thank you for the raw truth and conversation that

was had tonight. Father, we ask for a hedge of

protection over everyone in this building, over their families, over

their marriages, over their children. Father, bless them, protect them

and keep them in your mighty name.

Amen.

Amen, I just want to tell us that we live

in a world that tries to tell you that if

you do this, it'll be the answer it'll be the solution.

It's a philosophy, it's more education, it's a theory. And

the reality is is that those things may help, that

they do nothing for your eternal soul. Whether we realize

it or not. Our souls are condemned. Our souls are

damned to hell. People say, I have a hard time

serving a God that's going to send us to hell.

The reality is is that God's not sending us to hell.

You're already going to hell. He's trying to stop you

from going to hell. And he will do everything in

his power from the day that you were born to

the day that you will dye, to bring conviction, to

bring consciousness, to bring labors, to do whatever it has

to share the Gospel of hope.

So for somebody to go to hell, it takes a

lot to go to hell.

You would have had to be blatantly ignoring every voice

that brought conviction and consciousness into your life. The world

is not the answer. Education is the answer. We're seeing

it more and more and more and more. The brilliant

people sit around the table and they can't solve the

world's problems. It seems like the world's problems have escalated

to a heighth that it doesn't matter how many degrees

you have or how influential you we don't have an answer.

You're on your own figure it out. The only person

that can really figure it out. Whatever is empty in

your life, whatever is concerning in your life, whatever is

a deep sin in your life, is Jesus Christ. He

is literally the answer to every problem that exists. So today,

if you're at a point today where you're just you're tired,

you tried everything, you're empty, and you've been running from God.

But today you're going to run to God and you're

gonna turn around and you're gonna let go of your

pride and your ego and whatever it is that's holding

you back from just being humble enough to believe that

there's a God that loves me and there's a God

that really can answer the emptiness within my life. Because

that's what Jesus said, I am the Way, the Truth,

and the life, the three greatest needs in mankind's life.

What is the right way to live? What is truth?

And how do I have eternal life?

And Jesus said, I'm the only one that can fix

that sickness within your soul. So today, if you've never

accepted Jesus Christ.

You're going to raise your hand.

Or today you say, today is the day that I

come back to my faith in Jesus. I've been running,

but I'm going to renew my relationship with God today.

There's something I've heard today that is telling me that

God loves me, wants to forgive me, and I'm gonna

turn and I'm gonna accept his love. So when I

count to three, I want you to raise your hand

high as a tie, a sign of surrender. I just

surrender now. I want to accept Jesus. I want to

be born again. I want eternal life. I want to

go to heaven. I want to be forgiven in my

sin or rededicate your life. One two, Your hand won't

be the only hand. Raise it up, ye, one two three,

Raise it up all across this auditorium, wherever you might be.

I want to lead you in a prayer. Just repeat

this after me. Say, dear Lord Jesus.

You know who I am.

Today I recognize no man, no thing, or not even

I am the solution to my problems. You are the answer.

And today I surrender, and I yield, and I ask

Jesus Christ to be the Lord and the shavior of

my life, and forgive me of my sins and teach

me how to follow you in Jesus' name, Amen.

And well, praise God. We celebrate with all the hands

that were raised. Up on the screen, you'll see our

website ww dot grow dot Faith. When I dismiss the team,

will leave it up there. If you said yes to

Jesus today, I encourage you to go to our website.

We want to be able to walk alongside of you

in your faith journey and this is the best way

that we can get this into your hands. You can

see anyone with a Dream Team badge on the way

out in the foyer. They can help you if you're

having any challenges access it. But as you leave, just

know that we would love to resource you and help

you in your faith journey as well.

God bless you. Family.

Will either see you this weekend or next Wednesday.

Thanks for being here. By Bay