Beyond I Do Night with Pastors Adam and Ashlee Mesa || Patria Fresh Start

Thanks for joining us. I'm gonna have some friends join

us up here. Right now, Ashley and I will share

a little introduction of what tonight is because it may

be your first time to Beyond I Do Night, which

is just a little bit different. We've been doing them

once a quarter, and we do them on particular topics.

You may not be familiar with Beyond I Do, but

that's our marriage and relationship podcasts that's connected to Patria

that Ashley and I do every week, and we really

just talk about marriage, life, singleness, dating, blended families, everything

under sun and talking about how that deals with our faith.

And so tonight in particular is it's a Beyond I

Do night. We're talking about messy marriage. And I know

if there's anyone married here by show hands, anyone married

by show hands, even if you were once married, you

know you may be new season. So look, okay, about

ninety percent of room. We got any single people, any

single people, raise your hand if you're single, stand up.

Let's do that.

Stand up if you're single, and turn around and uh

and make some eye contact with somebody right now. All right,

sit down real quick, We're gonna do this real quick.

If you are between twenty and thirty nine singles Stand

Up twenty nine, twenty to thirty nine singles Stand Up

twenty thirty nine. Okay, don't look at me. I don't

want to look at you. Look at each other. I

have no desire. Don't check me out. Look at the

people around. Why are you sitting all ready? Why are

you nervous? Look around? Okay, all right, okay, here's what

I'm saying. Sometimes I even forget. I forget about our

property here. Okay, wait, hold on, I'll get there in

a second.

Okay.

If you are forty and above, okay, forty and above single,

stand up, Stand up? Okay, just stand up, forty and above,

forty and above single. Okay, there we go. Turn around,

look around, look around. This wasn't planned. Here's what we're

gonna do tonight. All right, let's all agree tonight. South

side fire pits, not north side. South side fire pits,

the two. So even if you're watching the southside, if

you're sitting there, it's okay.

For right now. When service ends, I'm gonna need you to.

Vacate the south side of the fire pits because I

know there's people sitting watching service right now. By the

pickleball court. Okay, the two fire pits over there, we're.

Gonna call that the singles connect tonight. All right.

So if you're single and you want a mosey when

this ends south side Okay, so south Side fire Pits.

Here's the thing.

If you're married, they're not see you near the south

Side fire Pits.

Okay, we'll bring you guys some snacks. Yeah yeah, yeah,

some s'mores and you guys y hasport.

Can we happen? She's got an army, you.

Know, I guess, so we'll figure out some If she

said it.

It's gonna happen.

Okay, So Southside fire Pits meet up after service, hang out. Okay,

don't be weird though, all right, just be like, hey,

you can exchange Instagram and stuff.

But don't get too excited. All right, it's just a mixer.

Okay, So go thereafter all right, fellas, don't don't don't hide.

If you're a single guy, go over there because there's

gonna be ninety single women. We need to we need

to put some guys in there. Okay, just look it

be you know, it's easy catching fish over there. There's

gonna be ten single guys and ninety single women. So

look on the Brice side, you'll either make some really

great single women friends or you may meet your future husband.

Okay.

And if you meet your future husband, you gotta get

proposed here on stage.

Okay.

So if that happens, if you meet your future all right,

it means you got to propose ninety days later here

on stage.

Okay.

Ninety day fiance is what we're gonna do. All right.

So tonight what we're talking about particular topic our first

beyond the letter or beyond I do night we spoke about.

We spoke about raising godly children. That was a topic

we spoke about last time. So tonight we're gonna be

talking about messy marriage. These are everyone on the stage

is a leader in our church. They're either an elder, deacon,

staff member, been here in the church really long time,

either have spoken into our discipleship process at Patria, or

have been a part of the discipleship process at Patria,

and none of which are on staff except for Phil

here on the far left. And so everyone here is

what we would call lay leaders in our church. So

just like you, you know, and so in that regard,

what they're going to share tonight is wisdom experience about

how God has used maybe some messy things in their marriage,

how God has used their journey to bring them closer

to God but also bring them closer to one another. Okay,

so what we're doing tonight is hopefully here to minister

to you guys and give you hope and encouragement. Have

you ever felt like you were in the thick of

a storm and then you heard about someone else's storm

and then you look at your spouse and you're like,

I think we'll be okay.

You know, it's like that. That's that that That's.

What we hope to share with you a little bit tonight. Actually,

do you want to share anything else on that?

No, you did enough.

Okay, you're working on snacks right now?

Have you started texting me?

I'm working on.

Basket of snacks? Okay, Well, let's just do this first.

Let's go ahead and introduce our couples that are going

to be sharing tonight, and they're gonna just share a

little bit about them first, and then Ashley and I

are going to jump into some questions. So we'll start

over here, well closest to me with the Montgomerys, go ahead,

share some things about us, about you to all of us.

Hi, I'm Alicia Montgomery and this is my husband, Darius Montgomery.

We have been married for thirty one years and we've

been here at Patriot for twenty eight.

Yeah.

We have three sons and two daughter and life and

four grandchildren.

Wow, four grandchildren?

Yeah?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, all right, let's go next to the Atkins.

Hi, my name is Renee and this is my gorgeous,

handsome husband class. We've been married for thirty three years.

It'll be thirty three.

Years in July.

Wow.

We have one son, he's twenty eight. We don't have

any grandchildren, and he's still single.

So he'll be on the south side fire pits.

Give him a text, send him a text.

Yeah, we'll send a helicopter his way. I'm gonna have

the next couple up, but that I don't know. Pastor

Nathan said that if you said, if there's any children

in here, you might want to send them to children's church.

Okay, because did we say that, Nathan. We didn't. We

forgot that, Okay.

So it's not that we're gonna purposely try to be inappropriate,

but every one guards their children differently and so there

may be some intimacy talk somewhere.

If you're talking about messi.

Marriage, you're talking about intimacy, all right, that's in the conversation.

So if you want any of your children to maybe

not hear that conversation, you can bring them over to

Kids Ministry.

They'd love to have them over there. All right, go ahead,

Codas continue.

Your name's Angie and this is my husband Phil. We

have been together twenty one years and eleven.

Years this year, eleven years married, eleven.

Years married, twenty one years together this.

Year, eleven years married. That's amazing. We have five kids, yes,

eight ages. Throw some ages our way, Angie.

Yeah, So Jacob's twenty, Teresa's twelve, ten, six and seven.

There we go.

We got through it, okay, all right, And so we

have the Kodas, we have the Atkins, we have the

monk Ggomeries, and so we're going to just begin to

ask some questions. But actually the first one that I

want to talk about, because I'm gonna I'm gonna have

it start at first with Angie and Phil over here,

is you mentioned your your children, which which is five,

but talk about eleven years ago you guys got married

but you got married in uncommon conditions. So just share

really briefly, Phil about why you and Angie ended up

getting married because you guys were living together, right, hadn't

met Jesus, Because you only met Jesus eight years ago,

not only eight years is quite some time, but you've

been married eleven years, so a few years married without

ever meeting Jesus, ever stepping foot in a church, and

you were dating and living together much longer, So just

tell us why did you guys decide to get married?

Sure, So the short answer is we were in the

process of adopting our oldest daughter, Teresa, and the courts

called us and told us the only thing.

That why were you adopting her?

Well, Andrew's sister passed away. She was twenty six years

old and the baby was eleven months old when that happened.

So we came in and tried to do the process.

This is happening from Utah, the state of Utah to California.

We did a whole bunch of paperwork and meetings and

all that, and they came back and told us the

only thing that's holding us back from doing that was

we needed to get married. So we did that I

left work and I said, let's go do it today.

So we did it that same day. But it wasn't

a conscious decision of we're so in love and we're

going to get married. It was like, I mean, we

were in love obviously, we were with each other for

nine years or something ten years.

But it wasn't like, let's walk down the aisle, let's

save some money, let's celebrate our vows and our love.

It was I want to support you, get your daughters.

We want to get we wanted to get the baby.

That's what it was.

Yeah, yeah, that's beautiful.

Well number one, that's that's absolutely incredible that that you

guys did that. And then uh, Darius and and Alicia,

Why why did you guys get married?

We don't have time for all that. I'll give you short,

give us the aim very short. Yeah.

I was in a trouble relationship. I prayed and God

answered my prayer, and then I met her. Two weeks later.

I went to Somalia, came back in May. We got

pregnant in June, the big one over there, and we

got married in September.

Three months.

Oh so wait, I think we missed it.

You guys got pregnant in June.

Boyfriend and girlfriend were just.

Moved in the bed together.

Because you glassed over that. You're like, oh, I found

the love of my life. I met her at a

club and got pregnant when I member.

Story, So that's what I'm hello. It was a story.

We don't do that on the South Side, right.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, we're gonna send you to the South Side.

You do something like that.

Took our mess and he made it into something because

we did.

We met at a club back in the day.

Club.

There's way too many people that got incited.

I wasn't supposed to be there.

Yeah, because I was.

I was in twenty Palms and they told me not

to leave the base, but not to be with the Marines.

That I knew it was gonna get in trouble, get

in trouble. And then I saw her and I.

Walked to her.

I said, were getting married and she's like, if you

can catch me, yeah, and you know I'm a fisherman.

Yeah yeah.

He was like, I'm going to marry you. And I

was like, yeah, if.

You can catch this, it's a military guy just trying

to sick.

So yeah, So June nine three, we got pregnant, he said,

Sumner ninety three got married and Mark May of ninety

four we were about to get a divorce papers will sign

and everything.

Okay, So pregnant in ninety two, you said in three.

So twelve months later.

Not even twelve months eighty It was like eight months

Simler of ninety three were we separated?

Signed divorce papers? Oh?

Yes, I had to force her what I didn't want it.

She didn't want it.

He wanted the divorce.

But I told her this because I was leaving to

go to Okinawa for a year. I said, God want

us to be married. We'll never see these papers again.

I turned them in and we never saw him again.

Wow. Yeah, it was God.

It was truly God.

And it's it's wonderful how God can, like I said,

take our mess, our messiness, and he can really do

something wonderful for someone else, you know what I mean,

just for it, because it's not our testimony. It's for

someone else.

Because how you start it is how you finished.

If you guys don't mind double click on that a

little bit.

What what was what was the pressure that that caused

you to say, Hey, divorce may be the answer.

At first, you really want to do.

It's okay, Well you're on stage.

She caught she caught someone in our in our apartment

in December.

It was infidelity.

Yes, you caught someone in apartment. He's trying to use

friendlier lady.

I'm healed, you know what I mean. And God, like

I said, he can heal. He basically healed me because

he said before I change him. Because I was crying.

He said, I need to change you. So God had

to work on me and change.

I got to d this.

As she was driving down, she said, the Holy Spirit

told her something cann be at your.

Place audibly, And there was only one time I heard audibly.

And the Lord, the Holy Spirit, he did tell me that.

He said, there's going to be a woman in your house.

But you're going to be okay because I was like

seven months pregnant.

Yeah wow, yes, your second with our first first Okay.

Well yeah, it's truly like I said, it's truly, Lord,

And you have to know when God is speaking to you.

You have to know that there's a loving God and

we have to forgive and we have to know that

you can't hold on to things, you know what I mean?

If God is loving us and forgiving us. Who are

we not to forgive?

Yeah?

Yeah, so uh if that was thirty years ago, thirty

one years ago, about how long did it take before

you felt like that burden was released?

You know?

Uh?

You know, I'm sure it's years.

Like give us a little, you know, like, at what

point did you feel like, you know, it became a scar,

no longer an open wound, nothing like, I know it's there,

but I don't feel it. It's you know, how it

took a while.

I go ahead, it took a while.

I'm not saying it was overnight. It took some years.

It took some years, a lot of crying, a lot

of pain.

So from ninety three to four.

Yes, it took some years.

But we're all a work in progress. And yeah, it's

not a bet of roses, you know what I mean. Yeah,

a song could come on, you know what I mean,

But then you have to remind the enemy, you know what.

I've been washed and clean.

I'm not gonna sit here and have a session with you, devil,

because my God healed in my mind and healed my heart.

Yeah yeah, and just and to put clarity, you know,

every believer is responsible for forgiveness.

But not.

Every believer has to restore, has to have restoration. So

you chose both forgiveness and restoration, which which is beautiful.

But Darius tell us about you, said, I remember oh four,

Like what are you referring to.

I was in a play and I told he I

had to kiss this young lady on stage.

She didn't like it.

Because you're an actor. Yes, people may not know.

Yes.

So and that night we had an opening night. I

called her and told her we were going to hang out.

She was like, do what you're going to do. I

was like okay, So I went and hung out. I

came home. She was up the top of the stairs

screaming at me, and it was I just said, Lord,

what I gotta do? And quickly he said just tell

her this And I said, you're still hurting from what

happened to us. You need to let it go. So

come to the Plate tomorrow and see it's not what

you think. And she came to the Plate the next

night and we was driving home. She's like, I'm free.

She literally said that I'm free. She said that don't

bother me.

Wow.

And I was like, Lord, I thank you do you

said it because I because I didn't. She was just

she was just yelling at me, and I was just

I just stood here and took it because sometimes men

don't think they're supposed to take things. No, you're supposed

to take some things because.

We built that way.

So I just took it because and plus it was

my mess I created, because if I didn't do what

I did earlier, we wouldn't have that moment in two

thousand and four.

Yeah, and Alicia at that play, was there anything you

felt like the Lord did or it just what?

Like?

What did what do you feel like the Spirit of

God did?

Again?

It was a work in progress, but it was a deliverance.

It was the deliverance of the Holy Spirit and just

being open to allowing God to heal. Yeah, it's a deliverance.

And that's a lot of preying. Yeah, a lot of

prey getting on those knees like chicken flour, you know,

flower you know, yeah, bending on those knees, you know.

Yeah, Yeah, that's great. Uh, let's go to the Atkins family.

What you know in your life? What are what are?

Maybe give us give us a quick little highlight reel

and maybe we'll double click on some what were maybe

some a messy moment or hurdle you guys had to

walk through in your marriage that stands out to you.

Initially, there were a lot because I never had an

example of what a godly man should be growing up.

Okay, you didn't have an active father in your life.

My father was home, but he was like a functioning alcoholic.

He would pay the bills, but when he wasn't working,

he'd cursed, he'd drink. He thinks if I went to

church on Sunday, I can do whatever I want to.

During the week.

My home was so dysfunctioning.

My mom would be upstairs playing Mahela Jackson and James Cleveland,

and in the bar and the home, and at the

house I grew up in, we had a bar and

a pool table. So some upstairs praise the lord. Downstairs

it's like past the liquor. And so when I got married,

I didn't have a clue. I wanted to be a

good husband, but I didn't have a clue what it was.

And I think God Renee.

Loved me enough to have patience from me because I

had to grow and I had to get mentors to learn.

What it was like to be a godly man.

Because both me and my wife work in law enforcement,

and sometimes the tension of working in law enforcement. We

would come in and we talked to each other.

Like we were inmates.

Oh we would have some knockdown drag.

Can you get can you give us some examples?

Oh, don't get don't get me put out of my house.

There might be some chill in the audience.

Oh we're getting We kicked them out. They gone. And

the Southsiders they deal with it. They want to know

about it before they get married.

I remember a lot of times because Renee owned property

for she got married. She was successful on her own right.

I was not.

I was like a bachelor. All I had was a

nice car and that was it. And she was like, hey,

I made it before you. If you want to walk,

walk whatever, I'm cool because I made it before. And

I think a lot of times we were kind of

not keeping our commitment. We were faithful, but a lot

of times we were like, hey, I can make it

without you. But when we had our child, I think

that's when we came locked in because like working long form,

I saw so many kids without a father and how

they affected their life. Once we had our son, it's

like we gotta fight for this and do whatever it

takes to hold our marriage together.

Yeah, and I just like to chime in. We would

our arguments would be so tense and heavy and would

almost lead to some physical altercations. However, it didn't get

that far. But when I tell Clay off, he'd run

to my family. He'd run to my parents and say, oh,

Renee did this. Oh Renee called me this, Oh Renee

said this. And I grew up in a godly home.

But we still did.

My sisters and I come from a large family, and

make a long story short, we had to go to

church and have dinner.

Then have the pastor over.

It was a holiness church, so anyway, Clay would afterward.

And then I got into law enforcement against my father's will.

I went ahead and I'm still active to this day,

thirty three years wow. And so when Clay and I

would get into it, Clay would like, I said, go

to my house, my parents home. Renee said this, Renee

did this, Renee threw this, Renee almost hit me with this.

Renee bumped my car so well.

And my mother, she's ninety and she today still tells

us she said tongue and teeth will fall out. But

you don't see anybody going to the dentist saying, oh, dentist,

pull my teeth because the wait tick. I'm trying to

say it like she says it, the teeth will bite

the tongue. But you don't see anyone going to the

dentist saying, oh, I want my teeth extracted because they

bit my tongue. Or you don't see the tongue going

to a surgeon saying are the person going to a

surgeon saying, oh, I need you to remove my tongue

because he got in the way of my teeth so

we had that stick to it this and I can't

tell it.

No, we got it. No, that's great advice. No, yeah,

you said, that's fantastic advice.

Yeah, he's the tongue and who's the teeth in this relationship.

That's what That's what I'm curious about. Probably claised the

tongue because he's snitching.

Because he's snitches who I'm telling I'm I'm telling your

mama to knife. That's fantastic.

Start telling your dad you're gonna be in bed before

you could tell him to be asleep.

Uh, Angie and Phil, as you guys have navigated a

lot in your relationship twenty one years. You know, Ashley

Knife had the pleasure walking with you guys, you know,

through your whole journey with Jesus. But y'all met at

six Flags when you were kids and started dating Phil

was a teenager move to Utah to be with her,

and you know, you know, come from crazy lives, crazy families.

You radically meet Jesus eight years ago.

But just because you met Jesus doesn't mean that your

marriage became perfect or your relationships became perfect.

What what post Jesus?

You know, you know we've heard some we've heard some

stories about hey, this was before and this is the circumstance.

But maybe for you guys.

Like how how did you guys, have you guys still

navigated the difficulties of marriage?

Why while even following the Lord? And what did that

look like?

Well, to be honest, the the problems came when we

started going to church. Like everything was cool before then.

I was doing my thing in the club and you know,

not the nightclub, No, in the morcycle club, and you know, like.

I'm doing my own thing at the clubs.

You know, in the in the club and one thing

we did and me being that's you an idiot in and

thinking that it was okay, thinking that it was okay.

We we introduced other women into our relationship. And I

think this was before we got saved, and I think

by doing that caused a lot of her and and

I mean, I'm not gonna say I was innocent, but

they were her people. So but she had something she

was working through on her, on herself. And if you

want to, you want to talk about a little bit

about that, Okay.

So before I met Phil, I had a boyfriend.

And like a childhood it was a childhood boyfriend.

Yes, I grew up with them. I grew up with him.

I met him through my dad because my dad was

a drug dealer, so he was dealing with my dad.

I met him through my dad and we just became

best friend and had this relationship for years. And when

I got with Phil, I didn't take my relationship serious

because growing up, it was a norm to, like in Utah,

be with more than one person, Like it was just

a norm for my family, Like my dad had multiple women.

It was common. That's how well of our family was.

So I didn't really take my relationship serious and I

was continuing this relationship with this guy for quite some time,

even still being with Phil the whole.

Time we were together.

But yeah, it was on and off, not always like

I didn't talk to him all the time, but it

was still continue the whole time. And it happened to

be early on when we were started coming to church,

and I how did it happen?

Well, we like, after bringing the after, bring in the

after bringing the girls in, we we realized that it

wasn't something we wanted to continue to do as we

started coming to church, but we still did in the

beginning of our walk coming to church. And I think

because it was normal.

You thought there wouldn't be no implications in your marriage

as long as you both agree on it, you both

are aware nothing.

And what man would say no, you know, like that

kind of thing. It was like okay, And so I

think God allowed what happened happened for a reason. And

what happened was the guy text me just out of

the blue, messages me on on Facebook pictures of her

with no clothes on, and I'm like, oh, heck no,

Like I'm done with this relationship. You know, I'm thinking

I don't want to do this no more. I'm gonna

quit it. We're gonna, you know, separate. We got kids

at the time. We're in the church, and I remember

a conversation with you. I called you right away. I

was at your house. I'm like, I was ready to

go over there to Utah. Yeah, I mean, that's how

mad I was. But I remember having a conversation with you,

and you told me words that meant so much to

me at that time, and you said, this is either

going to be your strongest testimony or your biggest struggle.

And I'm like, how so? And he said, if you

leave her, you're eventually one day going to have to

watch another man have raise your kids. And it was

at that point I said, oh man, I don't think

I'm going to be able to let that happen. So

I'm going to have to work it out. And I

went home and we talked. We talked about it, and

we weren't perfect, but I let it go right there.

We let it go. We had the conversation, full on conversation.

You guys were there at the house, and we laid

that I want to know everything like an idiot, you know,

like I said, what ever said that? Because I hear

things I didn't want to hear. I was sitting there like.

Living room.

Yeah yeah, so she was. She was, you know, already

talking to Ashley and pastors and is you know, separately

doing her thing. And and I remember, you know, God

just putting it on our heart to to just make

this work, and we're gonna make it work.

Well, but Angie says, if I'm so imperfect, let's talk

about the other girls you've been with, and that unbuckled, like,

oh wait, what's going on?

You know? And it was a lot mess here than

than what was.

There were things agreed to and there are also things

not agreed to, just in terms of everything that was

going on.

Right, Yes, in that conversation our living room is when

she told all the stuff. And then I was angry

with you for telling me.

Yeah yeah, yeah.

I got sat down for for like eight months from

serving and you guys know how I serve. Everybody sees me,

so yeah, you don't sit down for for for eight months.

Was was tough for me because you know, I, uh,

I'm prideful in that I want to I want to

serve the kingdom as well as I can. And I

felt like at that moment. I wasn't, but I said,

I'll just serve in the parking lot. If I can't

serve with him, I'm gonna serve somewhere. I'm not just

gonna leave. I had every chance to leave. We could

have just said, hey, we're out, they know are junk,

Let's go somewhere else, Let's go to another church where

they don't know.

And I'm start over.

Yeah, I'm not gonna do that because I want to

work through this. But we did.

We we Yeah, But I'm gonna speak on that too,

So I would have to say during that time though,

being coming and being saved like it was, like you said,

it was a God moment. And I think during that

time that I realized I was broken and hurt, and

in order to heal from what I was going through

from my trauma past, I had to be broken to

the core, like to my to losing everything. And that's

how it was like literally during that time where I

was like okay, like is this man going to stay

with me or is he going to leave me?

I had to choose to God.

I had to turn to God.

And say, you know what, God, I give my life

to you. I fully surrender to you, and man's gonna

fail me every day, but you're not. And I had

to come and pray every single day and say, you

know what, Yeah, I'm going.

To get through this.

And it took a lot, but I'm where I am today, Yes,

stronger than ever.

Yeah, I raise God.

But I will tell you this, as we're as we're

making this work and we're figuring it out, and we're

you know, navigating through healing and being forgiven by God

John ten ten, the enemy comes to steal, kill and destroy.

So as we are doing that, we are healing. She

fully said. You know, she tells the guy, hey, listen,

we're not I'm not talking to you no more. We're

not doing none of this blah blah blah. He ends

up getting mad and goes and gets her little sister pregnant.

So I'm navigating through a niece, a.

Niece that I don't want to be an uncle to,

you know, and I don't want to talk to a

sister no more. That was a sister to me that

I love, that I practically raised half of her life.

It was a struggle and I had to do a

lot of prayer. I had to to have a lot

of conversations with you guys and pastor haring, and you know,

I had to have a lot of conversations with my

main guys that I hung out with to see what

do I do? Like is this the church thing?

Is this what happens?

Because it better? And it seems like everything is getting worse,

you know, But the fact that we had each other

in that moment, God opened my eyes to it's not

their fault, you know, it's it's something that happened, and

and we love them to to this day. They they'll

come visit and I'm uncle uncle, and you know I

wouldn't have that if I if I stuck to the

pride and this and and you know the bitterness of

what happened, and you know, I prayed about it. God,

what's going to happen if if there's a party or

a graduation or and we God took him out of it,

he's not even he's not even involved in the kid anymore,

Which is I mean, good for me, but not for

not for her, you know. But I mean she's she's

loved and we love her.

And but so what are some things post some things

that you guys done that that have that have helped

your marriage, stay grounded, stay accountable. Uh, a step into

healing because that's it's a lot, that's a lot to

go through and that and that's a lot on it.

And yeah, early on we took your guys's motto. I mean,

we have to have an accountability couple. If you think

that you can be in a marriage and do it

on your own and figure out, we're gonna do it, babe.

Don't worry, we'll figure all our problems out. It ain't

gonna happen. One always gonna think that the other one's

right and and vice versa is gonna happen where you

guys take took the motto of you know, calling Pastor

Nathan and Pastor sonas whatever they say goes because they're

looking at the marriage from the outside. They're not in

your marriage. They're not in love like you guys are

in love. They love you, but they're not in love.

So we had to find couples or a couple, and

you guys were that couple. You know, you guys are

extremely busy. Now, we wouldn't. We wouldn't and if there

was an issue that we couldn't handle. We have a

team now of of you know, other married couples that

are you know, older than us and and you know,

younger to to actually run these plays when when we

do have an issue and we do have a struggle,

and that's the best way I think it is to

to help it. That's what we took on is, you know,

we're going to share. We're gonna be as transparent as

possible because we're not gonna be able to get help.

If you know, I'm saying that I'm the best, I'm

good and she's not, or vice versa, we won't get

the help that we need. So we've brought those couples

in and and we do it and they're they're great.

We make a phone call, we have an argument, we

make a phone call. They're all at my house. Shout

out to Joe, Lorie.

All right, Landa, they're at the house that day.

Let's make it happen. Joe, we're gonna pray first, brother,

We're gonna pray first, and then we pray, and yeah,

and we figure it out and we don't leave into

it's figured it out.

That's beautiful. Yeah, yeah, that's great. And how and how

did that start? With these new relationships? I mean, It's

just it was you. You you started a blended family's

neighborhood group, right, yes, you just you were like, well,

I have a blended family. I want to do a

neighborhood group. And it organically. You know, these weren't just

guys you walked up to on a Sunday and you're like, wan,

be my best friend. You want to owe my marriage accountable.

Now it was slow, and it was a slow cooker.

It wasn't a microwave, right.

Neighborhood groups were a major part in our success.

Yeah, she's in her own.

I'm in my own with the guys. And it was small.

Now it's bigger, which is great. God moves how he moves.

But when it was small, that's when I we got

to have these organic, transparent conversations about our lives and

about our families and realized we're more like than we think.

Like you guys been through stuff. We've been through stuff too.

You've been through stuff.

Oh wow, Like yeah.

Let's work together. And then and then I let him know, Man,

here's how Pastor Adam does it. He's got somebody that

you know, we call if there's an issue, we call them.

This is what they're saying this is what, and they're

saying blah blah blahlah blah, whatever it is, and they

have the authority. You have to give the authority for

another couple or another person that you respect and you

honor to speak into your life. If you have no

one speaking into your marriage or your life, get somebody

because that's what that's where it's going to help you.

Yeah, that's great, that's great. Well, thank y'all for sharing that.

You know, I know it took a lot.

I was.

We messaged Angie and Phil and we're like, hey, you

think it's time to share your story.

And they were like, yeah, we think we think it's

time to share our story. So thank you guys for

doing that.

I hope it helps somebody. Yeah.

Yeah, with some last few moments, whether it be the

Atkins or Montgomeries, you guys, got anything you want to

kind of go into a little bit more about maybe

a messy or struggling season that you're facing or have

faced that you think could really speak and minister. I mean,

because I do think the Lord is speaking to people,

and I feel like God is talking to individuals as

you're you know, seeing what God is kind of maybe

trying to say through all of us, like, is there

anything else you want to speak to?

Alicia Accountability, you hit it.

It's so important to have another couple that you're accountable to,

so that way you guys can pray Seana Manet. We're

accountable to them, they're accountable to us. It's important and

this is from Patriot Church. We found couples here that

we can pray with and we hold each other accountable.

And that's really important to have someone that you hold accountable.

And I got to say, as as the man who's

the covering, who's the head of the house, if he's

not here from Christ, it's not going to be all right.

And I said that because I think it was twenty fourteen,

it was midnight. We had an argument. I don't know

the children here, so I can't say what was having

an argument about, but y'all know we ave sexuality into intimacy.

We were having an argument. And normally when we had

an argument, I will go downstairs or go and watch TV,

get on my get on the computer. That particular night,

I said I'm going downstairs, and I went and it's

laid on my face and I cried out to God,

and I said, Lord, why this woman don't love me

the way I need her to love me? And of course,

as the Holy Spirit is, he said, how come you

and I love her the way I love her? And

I said, you funny, God, that's not the conversation I wanted.

So it basically was, look inside what you're doing. How

are you treating her? Because what you point into her

is what you're getting out.

So I went upstairs.

I laid down, and she reached over and said, I

apologize for how I treated you, and I went, I

know that was you, not Lord.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that's incredible.

No, that's beautiful. Thank you for sharing that. Renee or

Clay you maybe uh yeah.

One of the biggest things we went through about twelve

years ago, was diagnosed with reno cell carcinoma. They said

I was going to die. They took my left kidney,

a part of my right. When I was in the hospital,

I told Renee to go home. She said, I'll go

home when you go home. That's love a woman who

stood with me since then. I had to leave my

career in law enforcement, and before that I was a breadwinner.

Now Renee makes more, much more than I do, but

she never made me feel less than we We have

gone from the initial struggles in our marriage to women.

I could not conceive living life with not her, with

her not being in my life. She's not only my wife,

she's my best friend. If y'all can see how we

come up and how we joke and how we play, Yeah,

we just have fun. Through the years, I've taught us

some martial arts and every nine and then you're like,

I think I can take you.

Come on, let's help.

Whatever.

Yeah, well, let me just say this and I'll let

you guys tap on too. I mean the Montgomery's I've

known since I was a kid, and then Clay, I

was a youth pastor when you started serving, so so

i've known you for about thirteen years. One of the

things that's always stuck out about you is even when

your wife isn't in the room, you talk about her

as if she was standing right next to you. And

that has always been uh, that has always been your armor.

Is when when you talk about your wife, it is I.

Would never even ask you, say, pastor, Adam, we're going

on this cruise and this trip, and my wife, she's

so beautiful, and I can't wait. And when I first

married her and when I got married. You know, I

won't say it unless you want to say it on stage,

but you gave marriage advice that was that's very critical

for men, you know, and you want it.

You want it, you come to me on the side.

I'll tell you that the marriage advice Clay gives all

young married men to have a conversation with your wife.

And it's extremely inappropriate, but it's very godly uh in

uh in recourse and so uh but but but that's you, like,

no one is even asking you about your wife.

We we're not we're not you.

We're like we're talking about sports and you come in

and you're just let me tell you about me, and Renee,

let me tell you what we gotta.

Let me tell you.

I love her this, you know. You you when you

talk about your wedding day, you talk about it like

it happened yesterday, you know, and it's so beautiful. And

you you know, I know so many young guys in

the church that have always they always talk about that

that pre wedding uh conversation that Clay will give you

if he finds out you're getting married.

So Renee probably don't even know. This might be news

to her right now, but uh uh yeah, go ahead

tap on anything else on that.

Renee, Well, I'm very shocked to hear that because at

home he calls me an old spencer, right, I.

Said, I didn't come along.

Listen tattle tells on you. So I just snitched on him.

I return a favor.

But it's all that, like it's all done in love,

because like if you would hear the way that we

joke and talk to each other, you would think, wow,

they're about to really get down. And my son sometimes

he's hears arguing and it'll really turn out to be

a play and he'll just like open the front door,

like okay, you guys, go go or do you have

to be so loud? Because being in law enforcement, you're

constantly telling inmates what to do when to do it,

and then it's sometimes hard when you get home to digress, digress, digress,

and are and it's very difficult to do that. And

coming home sometimes I could have had a bad day

at work and I'll just find something to argue about

with Clay. For example, he left the toilet seat up.

I'm serious, and I'll go from.

Zero to one hundred.

Hey, how many times do I have to tell you

put the seat down, turn off the light?

Oh you what?

You left the seat down? And I tell you? He said,

oh I did? I said, yeah, you suffer from CRS.

Please don't ask what CRS is? You know, Hi, Ashley,

I tell him what I said. I was being facetious

when I said that. But it can't remember stuff stuff exactly,

and so.

We deal with.

I'm telling her this is a work in progress for us.

We're here laughing and having but we do, you know,

have our struggles. And he's retired. I'm still active. And

he gets on me, it's time for you to retire.

You bought this. I like to spend But I sayd

see he didn't.

Tell that part.

And he's like, oh, you had another Amazon box come

to the house, so it's my money.

You spend too much? I mean, but it's just a yeah.

We deal with it.

But to the young women and the young man, I

will say this, I'm going to share this with you.

I was thirty plus when I got married. I didn't

have the opportunity to date a lot. I was sheltered

and I remember reading Hubaka two and two and I

would maybe when I was any something, I would date guys.

But I'm gonna be honest. They were just after one thing.

And I was saving myself for my husband, for the

man that, yeah, that I wanted to marry, that God

sent to me.

And she saved herself, praised the Lord.

It's difficult, yeah, And I told Clay. I told Clay,

if I could just share this, I know it's funny

because I'm embarrassed.

No, you shouldn't be married him.

Because he said he was gonna tell it.

And I said, oh, I said, well, I'd be embarrassed because.

Thirty something, it's beautiful, but I did.

I saved myself for my husband. And reading Habaka, I'd

like to share with the single people, it said, write

the vision down and oh it's terry. It may take

a long time. And it took a long time for

me to find this special person. And it'll come, it'll happen.

You just have to be tenacious. And I wrote down

on a five y seven cardboard everything that I wanted

in a man.

Growing up, my dad was in the home.

But and he drank a lot of times, and he

was very protective of my sisters and I and my mom.

So he was very strict with us and my mother,

and I said, Lord, I want a protector. And when

I lost my dad in the year two thousand, Clay,

I look towards Clay, like to be my protector. Even

in the marriage, I would still run to Dad if

we at an issue, our argument. But now it's you know,

it's Clay. It's about Clay. And I thank God for

him because we had to grow to this. I can

sit here and laugh with you all now and tell jokes,

but he is.

He is my best friend.

And I thank God for him because it's been a

long journey and just learning how to be obedient to him,

to let him be the man of the house. It's

it's difficult because sometimes women we woman power.

Hey, But.

As I was saying before, single people, just wait on

the Lord.

He'll come.

Although it may tarry. It makes seems like, oh, there's

no one for me. There's no one for me.

He'll come. The Lord.

He's never late, he's always on time. So just be patient.

Amen.

With that said, I just want to say one thing, Yeah,

go ahead, it will come, but there may be a mess.

Don't give up, Yeah, don't don't give.

Him tonight on the south side, and maybe yourself.

You better scurry and write before you before service ends.

You better write it down. So we're gonna close.

I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna ask Ashley to to

pray for us tonight and then and then I'm gonna

and then we're gonna close with just an invitation. If

no one has ever received Jesus as their Lord and savior,

uh uh. If if there was a tree, and tonight,

you know, everyone was talking about the tree. They were

talking about their fruit, they were talking about the branches,

they were talking about times that they've been prune difficulties.

If there's a tree of life, well then the question

is what is that root? What what holds them together?

And and whether you heard it tonight or not, every

person is saying that their root is a relationship with Jesus,

because you cannot do this on your own. And as

they shared about accountability, there is no greater accountability than

that of an accountability to God, the one who created you.

So Ashley and.

I we call it the third party principle, is that

everybody needs a third party. Whether you go to court,

you have a third party, whether you go somewhere. You

go buy a home, you have a third party. You

have a broker, you have a real estate agent. You

go buy a car, there is someone that's a third

party between you and the manufacturer.

So that you know what it is that you're getting.

For us, For me and Ashley in our marriage, we

have human and natural accountability, but they're also they fall short,

they have their own marriage difficulties, and so for us,

our third party is Jesus. And I think Darius said

it beautifully when he cried out to God and he said, God,

what change her? God said, well, let's change you first.

I can't change her until I change you. And that's

what the God can do as a third party in

our life is he can change areas that are either

dead or have been broken. He can bring deliverance like

Alicia shared, he could bring healing like feel and Angie shared.

He could bring friendship like the Akins shared. And I

don't know what you need in your relationship or marriage today,

but what I do know is the Lord has it.

And so I'm going to have Ashley pray for us,

and then I'm going to follow that along and just

make an invitation to receive Jesus and we'll leave here

together heads.

Dearly Father, we just come before you just grateful Father.

We thank you for being that third party.

Father.

We ask right now, Father, that we just ask a

blessing over any marriage and here that may be struggling. Father,

that they feel like they're in the mess and they

don't have a light.

They can't see the light.

Father, let their eyes turn to you in this moment, Father,

let them ask you for that help. Let you be

the third party so they have a solution, so that

they have peace and that they may have comfort, Father,

that can only come from you. We thank you for

every individual that is in here, Father that is also

desiring a marriage. Father, we ask that you just bring

that person that you have designed perfectly for them, that

you bring them to them with ease, Father, that they

will write the vision and make it plain and you

will give them.

The desires of their heart.

Father.

So we thank you for every individual in here.

Father.

We just pray a special prayer for every heart that

has turned to you and your mighty name.

Amen, and right now, just keep your head bowed and close.

If you're here.

Today, and you would say, if you stood before the

Lord today, you stood be for God today, and you

really honestly can't answer whether you have a relationship with him.

You can't answer whether you've given him your life, that

you've recognized that Jesus Christ has died for your sins

and he rose again. The Gospels called the good News,

because the good news is whoever, whoever would believe in

Jesus and give them their life. The Bible says you

will surely be saved. You can't pay for it, you

can't pray for it. There's nothing you can do to

earn the grace of God. All you can do is

receive it. And so if you're here today and you're

done running, if you're here today and you're done doing

everything on your own strength, on your own will, and

you're ready to say, God, I surrender and I give

it all to you today, then I'm gonna just ask

you right now if you would just raise your hand

up in the air. I'm not gonna do anything fancy,

but if you're ready to give your life to Jesus

and you're saying, I want to respond to this, I

want to I want to rest my faith, I want

to rest my hope.

I want to rest my strength on Jesus Christ. I

see those hands.

Just raise your hand up in the air. Raise your hand,

keep your hand up for a moment. I see all

of those hands right now. I'm gonna ask you. As

your hands are raised in the air, would all.

Of us join us?

Would you say this prayer of affirmation today? The prayer

is not the thing that saves you. God's already at

work in your heart. All we're doing is agree with

what God is already doing. Would we all say this

here today, Dear Lord Jesus, in this moment, I confess

my sins and I choose.

To give it all to you.

I believe in my heart that you died on the

cross and you rose three days later. From this day forward,

I commit to follow you for the rest of my days.

In Jesus' name. Amen.

Can we welcome those into the Family of God that

may have said that prayer today?

Welcome.

We about ten to twelve people who responded tonight, and

we just want to say, welcome to the family.

You're a child of God.

Book of Revelation says if one person gives their life

to Christ, all of heaven rejoices. And that's happening tonight

and we celebrate with Heaven. And so before you leave,

if you've raised your hand, two things. Number one, if

you raise your hand and you want to know what's

next for your faith, we made it really easy.

You go to our website at ww.

Dot Grow dot Faith and we're gonna get you a

book from our founding pastor Powers Diego.

It's going to help you grow in your walk. And

so we'll leave that up there so you could do that.

Second of all, we talked about some heavy things tonight,

So if you feel like you need prayer, maybe you

and your spouse need to come up and maybe just

ask someone to go in agreement with you.

Then we're going to have our elders, deacons and prayer team.

They'll be up here in the front and they would

love to pray over your life. They would love to

come into an agreement. They would also love to give

you an encouraging word if that's what.

You need as well. And then lastly, what's that okay?

And lastly, if we talked a little bit about our

neighborhood groups. You may be new to Patriot. That's what

we call our small groups. Life doesn't happen in rows

like this. Life happens in circles and so our neighborhood

groups you can find them on our website and you

can find some married groups, you could find some singles groups.

You can find interest groups, Bible studies, everything like that.

And so we're in that season right now. So if

you're looking to join a group, go to our website,

go and do some life with some people. And then,

like Ashley said, Southside single people fire pit. She got

s'mores for y'all. Okay, so you get ready to have

a little campfire. Put maybe we could put a little

Marvin Gaye on or something like that.

Your wife out, you're marry's not for you, don't go

get the smores, go take your wife out to yogurt.

Yeah, it'll be weird if you marry people.

You're on the south Side, So on the way home,

you know, go buy a candle and go home.

So love you guys, We'll see you next time. Bye,