How Do I Handle Relationships?: Finding the Right Keys || Pastor Nathan Mesa

Family.

We want to welcome you to church today. Welcome to

Patria family. Can you help me give a warm welcome

to all of our campuses that are watching right now,

from Pomona to online. We are one church, one family,

with multiple locations, and we are so excited that you

are with us today.

Well.

Family, Like Pastor Aaron said, we have been in an

incredible message and I am Pastor Nathan if we haven't

had the opportunity to meet, and I'm excited to be

with you this weekend, and we have been this summer

over the series called Questions for Life, where you've asked

the questions and we've come to you as a team

under the leadership of Pastor Adam to answer those questions

according to the Word of God. And today is no

different because today is all about relationships, Pomona and online relationships,

which affects all of us, whether it's friendships, whether it's marriage,

whether it's family relationships or dating. Take a listen to

some of the questions that you've asked.

Have a question about adultery and divorce, want to know

how God sees that and how someone can overcome that.

How do you keep your relationship with Christ founded in

a relationship with a significant other.

What do you do when you're married for forty something

years and your husband did surrender one time, got baptized,

but has an addiction with alcohol and he's not ready

to surrender again. And this has been going on for decades.

And a woman becomes a widow, how long should she

wait to remarry?

How do you know that you're ready for marriage?

How do you know when it's time to end that

relationship or end that friendship with someone that you feel

like you're outgrowing? And is it better to pray for

the ending of that relationship or friendship or is it

better to pray for that relationship or friendship to be saved.

Come on, family, those are some real questions, and we

all may have been there before. I don't know if

you've ever been there like me before, where you've come

home after a long day and you're tired, and you

reach for your keys and you try to go into

the front door of your home and you put in

the key and it's not budgeting, and you're thinking what

is going on? And so you wiggle it a little

bit and you try a little bit harder, but still nothing.

So you pull your keys out in frustration, and you

look at your key ring again, only to realize that

you were using the wrong key to try.

To get in the door in the first place.

You see, this can feel and look like a lot

like relationships at times, where you feel like you're locked

out of doors. Where we stand at the doors of

dating or marriage or friendships and we're jiggling the wrong

keys and we're wondering why nothing opens. You see, you

use the wrong key and the door stay shut. You

try to force it, and what do you risk stripping

the lock? And what does this do? This just causes

pain and frustration. You see, dating may feel confusing, marriage

may feel distant, friendships may even feel one sided. Here's

what I know is that we all want connection, Pomona,

but perhaps no one has ever handed us the right

set of keys to use, or even showed.

Us how to use them.

And it's not that you're failing, and it's certainly not

that God has left you stranded on the porch at all.

It's that most relationship problems are really key problems. You see, family,

From the very beginning, God designed all of us for case,

and with that, he wants us to have connection with

him first, and then with one another. Yet, because every

single one of us is a little jacked up, don't

look at your neighbor. Relationships can be a little complicated.

You see. Relationships bring a.

Lot of joy in our life, but if we're honest,

they could also bring a lot of pain. And many

of us may feel like we're locked out of healthy love,

not because of a lack of effort, but because we're

trying to pry open doors with keys that.

Only God can unlock.

You see, some of us in our life are trying

to open up relationships with.

The key of appearance.

You see this key I approach relationships if if I

look the part, and if I dress the part, if

I stay in shape, if I post that selfie on Instagram,

then certainly someone will love me. Some of us go

into relationships with the key of performance.

This is the key.

If I go into a relationship successful enough, if if

I'm accomplished enough, if I get that degree, then perhaps

someone will love me and I could find a friend.

Some of us grab the key of possession to open

up a relationship.

Well, this is if I have.

The right house, and if I have the right job,

and if I buy the right clothes, and I carry

the right handbag, then certainly I can have friends, or

a wife or a husband one day in my life.

Some of us grab the key of pleasure as we

go into relationships. Well, this is the key, just as

it sounds, this is well, if it feels good, if

it's fun, if I party enough, if I have sex

with them, then surely I'll be able to get into

a good relationship. But if we're honest, we've all been

guilty of reaching for these keys before seeking Jesus first.

But there is, however, one key that matters most in

all of this, and we see this in scripture in

Matthew six thirty three.

And so will you.

Stand with me, family, Pomona, if you turn with me

to Matthew six thirty three, this is going to be

our passage for today. We stand because we want to

honor God. We stand because the Word of God is

living and breathing. We recognize that, and we want to

honor God because of that. So thank you for standing

with us. It says in Matthew six thirty three a

verse that many of us are familiar with, but seek first,

say first first, the Kingdom of God and his righteousness,

and all these things will be added.

Unto you, you may be seated.

Let's pray, Lord God, we thank you Father for our

time today.

God.

As we navigate the topic of relationships, God, I pray

that you speak directly to where we are.

God.

I pray that we leave here God inspired to do better,

not in our own doing, but according to your word.

God.

I ask you now, Father, that I step out of

the way so that the Holy Spirit.

May move in your name. I pray Amen.

You see, Family, if we're gonna talk about healthy relationships,

then we have to start with the key that matters most,

and that is the key of priority.

I'm not gonna overcomplicate this family.

You see, healthy relationships start with the priority that Jesus

is at the center.

Pomona.

It is not our desires, it is not our timeline,

it is not what others think. Our priority must start

with Jesus. As we just read, Matthew six thirty three

says seek what seek first the Kingdom of God, not second,

not third, Not after you meet someone, not after you

get the guy or you get the girl.

What is the Kingdom? We seek first? The Kingdom.

It's not just a place, but it's the rain of

Jesus in every part of our life. If Jesus is

in first, then I'm gonna tell you today, every other

part of the relationship will completely be out of alignment.

Here's what I have found. The problem isn't that.

People don't want love or healthy relationships. It's that they

want them more than God. The priorities are out of alignment.

You see.

I can still drive my car even when my tires

aren't aligned. But guess what I am still causing eternal

damage to my car that I cannot see.

And what Jesus is telling us who this passage.

Is is if I'm not first, then nothing else will fit.

If I'm not first, everything else will always feel like

a fight.

And what do most people do?

They look for the one, the guy, the girl, the

group of friends before sir, rendering themselves to the only

one who can satisfy. You see, we make people our

emotional ciner. We build our worth on their attention. We

seek completion in a person. Before Christ turned to someone

and say priority. You see, family, our first key is

so vital because as we place Jesus first, everything else

comes into alignment. I've been guilty of being out of

alignment before in my life, about six years before I

met my wife, Sanna's, I had just graduated college Pomona,

I had a great job, and I was closing on

my first home. I was so proud of myself, and

you know, I felt accomplished and that I had something

to offer and it was ready. I was ready to

put myself out there. And so I did what you

gotta do. I started to go out on dates. I

started hanging around new groups of people and meeting new friends.

I mustered up the energy to ask the pretty girls out,

and to my surprise, they said yes. And next thing

you know, I was having dinner and I would be

sitting across from them or having coffee, and halfway through

the conversation, I'd be listening to them. But as I

was listening to them, I was also thinking to myself,

oh my gosh, you are weird.

Like you're pretty, but you're weird.

And then I'd be hanging out with these group of

friends and I'd be thinking to myself, Nathan, what are

you doing?

This is not you. Why are you trying to be

someone you're not?

And I remember sharing this with one of my mentors

at the time, and they said to me so boldly, Nathan.

Maybe they're not the problem. Maybe you're the problem.

Maybe your priorities are off a little bit. And in

that moment, I realized that I was looking for other

people to fill avoid in my life relationally, that I

should have been going to Jesus to fulfill first. You see,

just because the pretty girl said yes, that was all

I needed, because I was such an insecure man during

that time. And it was during this that I realized

that God spoke to me so clearly, and he said, Nathan,

if you desire to have a godly relationship in your life,

whether it's friendship or romantic, then you're gonna have to

learn to put me first. And so I had to

go on a journey, and I'll keep it real with you.

I had to put a pause on everything. I put

a pause on dating. I put a.

Pause on going out and having fun.

I put a pause on everything that was distracting me

from God. And I went on a journey of finding

wholeness in Christ. God had to heal some insecurities in

my life.

God had to heal some emotional trauma.

I would spend the next couple years with a lot

of time with God. I would spend a lot of

time in church. I would surround myself with godly friends,

Pomona and godly relationships. As the Lord began to heal

my heart and I began to place him as number one.

You see, it was a process, it was a journey.

It wasn't easy, but I recognized that it's what I

had to do during the season. And a couple years later,

I wish I could say it was months. I wish

I could say it was years, but excuse me, a weeks.

But a couple years later, SNAs would come into my

life through a new group of friends. But the difference

now was that my priorities were in order. My priorities

were in order, and I had the right key in

my hand.

And the rest is history. You see.

Family, here's the takeaway that I learned during that season

of my life that God wanted all of me before

he could ever entrust someone to me. I was praying

for someone to come into my life, but I was

not praying that Jesus would be number one in my life.

And until I shifted.

Then God began to do a work in me and

eventually brought my wife into my life. And so what

does priorities look like in healthy relationships? Today's message is

all about the practical and so if you're not taking notes,

I encourage you to do so because we're going to

break it down as we navigate through these three keys. So,

what does priorities look like when it comes to relationships?

No matter if it's friendship, whether it's marriage, or whether

it's dating or the family. God doesn't want to be

a part of your life. He wants to be the

center of it. The expectation is not that we add

God after in the relationship. God is not allow re

seasoning to be put on top as a finisher. God

is the main dish and He desires to be the

center of our life, to design and build our relationships

with intention and him at the middle. What does that mean?

It means before I text them, I talk to him.

Before I commit to them, I surrender to Him. Before

I say I do to them, I say yes to him.

Jesus must be the priority. Secondly, don't ask God to

bless something that he wasn't invited to build in the

first place. We've got people Pomona begging God to fix

a relationship that they never asked him to be a

part of from the very beginning. You see, you want

his provision, but you don't ask for his permission. You

want his guidance, but you didn't seek his blueprint in

the very beginning, which is the word of God. I

encourage you invite Jesus in from the beginning. Pray for

wisdom when choosing friends, date with purity and intention. Start

your day. If you are married, by praying with your spouse.

It doesn't have.

To be long.

It could be all of two minutes. God, God, bless

our marriage, bless our day.

Amen. Just place God in the beginning.

If you're married to an unbeliever, I encourage you continue

to pray for the salvation of your spouse first. Peter

three says that your quiet witness and your steadfast love

can preach greater than any sermon that they may ever hear.

It's never too late to pick up the key of

priority and place Jesus at the center of your relationship.

If the first key is priority, putting Jesus first, then

the second key is the key of protection. Turn to

someone and say protection, because once your heart.

Is aligned with God.

Then the enemy will do everything he can and in

his power to attend you see Proverbs four in verse

twenty three says above all else, guard say guard, guard

your heart for everything, everything Pomona and online you do

flows from it.

This isn't just a good idea.

This is God's priority for the emotional health within our

relationships family. You see, Guarding our heart isn't about avoiding

dating or avoiding making new friends. It's about pursuing holiness.

You see scripture here, if I could break it down,

teaches us to guard our inner life. That's what it

means when the word says guard your heart, Guard our thoughts,

our desires, our values, our emotions, because everything flows from it.

What does this mean. It means keeping God the sinner.

It means resisting sinful influences. It means making responsibility for

our mental and our spiritual and our emotional wellbeing. It

means protecting our heart is a form of worship. It

is a posture, and it is a daily act of surrender.

You know, we say we want to follow God's will.

I think we all would say that, But if we're

not guarding our hearts, we're leaving the door wide open

for anyone or anything.

And let's be real.

Some of us are more committed to protecting our iPhone

passwords and our Instagram log in than come when it

comes to protecting our heart.

What does this look like? We have state of the

art security cameras in our homes.

We have high tech alarm systems that can see someone

coming to our door thirty feet away. We have friends

like Smith and Weston under our.

Bed to help protect us.

We spend more time, time and energy protecting what is

temporary our stuff then guarding what is eternal that God

has given to us.

The only thing worse than.

A locked heart that that won't let love in is

an open heart with no boundaries. So how do we

move to guarding our heart in a healthy relationship. I'm

glad you asked. We do it by number one. Boundaries

define your standards. Boundaries are not meant to be these

motes outside of your life that no one can come

in and enter you see. Doctor Henry Cloud puts it

that good boundaries are not about building walls, but about

creating doorways. In other words, you're not shutting people out

when you create boundaries. You're actually inviting the right ones

into your life that push you closer to christ scripture

tells us very clearly in one Corinthians fifteen, verse thirty three,

do not be deceived. Bad company ruins good morals who

we surround ourselves with absolutely matter. So as you look

at your relationships, you have to ask yourself very candidly,

am I sacrificing conviction for connection? Do I feel peace

or pressure when I'm with this person? Am I setting

boundaries based on wisdom or fear of rejection? Let's break

it down a little bit more. If you're here in

your dating, I want to encourage you. Setting boundaries means

you have to know your standards and keep them, Know

the environments conversations that trigger temptation in your relationship, communicate

your biblical negotiables early on and clearly in the relation.

I want to encourage you. If you're dating, please stop

playing house. If you are dating, you are actually still single,

my friend, you are not married yet. Stop sharing location,

stop sharing passwords, stop sharing bank cards, and living together.

I loved SNAs with my whole heart when we were dating,

but that girl was not getting my Wells, Fargo card

or vice versa.

In any way.

All that does is it ruins boundaries, and it invites

hurt into the relationship. If you're married, guard your time

for one another, Guard your tone, guard your attention and

what your intention pulls away from one another. Protect your

intimacy and shut out comparison.

Keep fidelity sacred.

Make it intentional to go out on dates, to go

on overnights, to go on vacations together. If something hurts,

then say it to one another. Remember this is your helpmate,

Take a walk, take a time out. It's your responsibilities

to protect each other's heart. If you're in friendships today,

stop ignoring the red flags. Just because you have history

with someone, boundaries do not mean that you are bitter.

They mean that you have wisdom. Just because someone had

a key to your heart in the past does not

mean that they should still have access now and in

the future if they are affecting your relationship with Jesus.

And the second thing when it comes to protecting our

heart is access must be earned.

Let's be honest, some of us are out here handing

out keys to our heart, like Oprah.

One compliment you get a key, one deep conversation, you

get a key. One flirty DM or text. Oh you

could take five keys. But here's the thing family. God

never intended our heart to be some prize at chuck

e Cheese for people to grab and take advantage of.

It is a true prize that God has given to us.

That just because someone knocks upon your heart doesn't mean

that they belong inside. We see this in Proverbs thirteen twenty.

Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise, but the companion

of fools will suffer harm. If a relationship is consistently

pulling you away and distracting you from God's will, then

you may have to look at it and say it

may be time for me to take a step back

and walk away.

But here's the thing.

If you're married today, that is not a blank statement

or permission for you to walk out of your marriage

because it is hard or convenient.

Here my heart.

Marriage is a covenant. It is not a contract that

you can go and break like verizon. It is appointed

by God. You don't walk away because it's hard. It

requires prayer and counsel and a fight for what God

brought together.

But still be encouraged in every relationship.

This truth remains. You do not owe everyone access to

your heart. Access must be earned through consistency and through faithfulness.

And through godliness.

You see, once you've aligned your heart with our priority

in Christ, then we began to protect our heart, which

is guarding our heart. We are now ready for the next,

which is grabbing the key to a healthy relationship is

the key of progress.

Turn to someone and say progress.

God has not called you and I into relationships to

just stay the same.

He has called us to grow. And here's what I know.

A relationship that isn't growing, isn't just standing still, it's

actually fading from God's purpose.

If you have your bible's.

Turned with me to second Peter one in verse eight,

and we're going to break this down of what growth

and progression looks like within our relationships. It says in

verse eight, make every effort to add to your faith,

goodness and to goodness, knowledge and to knowledge, self control

and to self control, perseverance and to perseverance, Godliness and

to Godliness, mutual affection and to mutual affection love. For

if you possess these qualities and increasing measure, they will

keep you from being ineffective and unproduct Give in your

knowledge of our.

Lord and savior, Jesus Christ.

You see family, what Peter means here is that he

doesn't just give us this feeling based model.

He gives us a growth progression.

Notice the pattern was faith is the foundation, but love

is the goal. I want you to picture stairs going up.

That is what we just read. Every other quality is

a step toward christ Like maturity. Progress doesn't mean perfection.

What progress means it's moving in the right direction.

But don't confuse all movements with growth.

You see, just because you talk every day doesn't mean

that you're building trusts. Just because you've been together for

twenty years doesn't mean that you're growing together in the

right direction. Just because there's passion, that doesn't mean there's

purpose in a relationship. You can still be unequally yo

with someone and still moving, except you're not moving in

a straight direction. What you're doing is is you're moving

in circles. You're moving in cycles of confusion, patterns of pain.

Because motion without alignment isn't progress. It's actually just exhaustion

as you do it over and over see, Tim Keller,

says the author, You don't fall out of love, you

fall out of repentance and growth. In other words, relationships

don't fall apart because love has just disappeared all of

a sudden.

Relationships begin to.

Deteriorate when we stop doing the work to grow. You see,

you don't just drift into healthy relationships family, It doesn't

happen like that. You have to build on them with

purpose and on purpose, you see, I mean, I have

some balloons up here on the stage, and you see,

these balloons represent a lot of what relationships look like today.

You see, these balloons are fun and they're cute, and

they come in different colors and different shapes, and they

fly high on chemistry. They float on hanging out. They

rise together in a cluster of balloons. But here's the

thing about balloons is they're also delicate. And as quickly

as the balloon goes up and rises, is as quickly

as it comes down.

Here's what I know.

If you've ever been to a party, or you've ever

been to an event, people love balloons because balloons give attention.

But the thing about balloons is they're also empty on

the inside. You see, a balloon like relationship means one disagreement,

it's over one missed connection or miscommunication. It's done one

ghost in message, and as quickly as it started, it ended.

It's gone, it disappeared. They don't last. But see the

difference here is this brick represents a faith filled relationship.

You see this brick.

It doesn't flow, it's not flashy, it doesn't flex for

your enjoyment. This brick was made with the intention for

you to build upon it, Pomona. It was made with

the intention for it to last for years and years

and years to come. Jesus says in Matthew seven that

the wise man builds upon what a rock, So why

would it be any different when it comes to relationships.

Why are we settling.

For these flaky, balloon like relationships when God is calling

us to build upon something greater, which is himself. And

here's the thing, family, When Jesus is the foundation, it

doesn't just stop there.

You grow.

And the way you grow is when you lay trust

in the relationship. And this is done with honesty and

not assumptions. And then when trust is built, you can

move and you can build respect in the relationship. This

is through consistency and not convenience. Then from there you

can move into vulnerability Pomona and online in the relationship.

And this is built when you choose courage over comfort,

and from there you can build upon communication in the relationship.

This is when you listen more than you speak. And

when you've.

Laid communication, you then can move into for giveness in

the relationship. And forgiveness is built when grace outweighs our

pride in the relationship. And after that we can move

into purpose in the relationship.

This is when we pursue.

Christ together brick by brick, step by step, intention by intention,

and over time, well over time, what you have built

in this relationship has turned into something that God can

dwell in that this relationship has moved from more than

just a connection, but it has turned into a reflection

of who Jesus Christ is. As we move into healthy

relationships within our life, turn to someone and say it's

time to progress.

It absolutely is.

So how do you know, family, If your relationship is growing,

I want you to take a look at these three

questions to reflect on. Number one Spiritually, is Jesus at

the center of this relationship or has he become an afterthought?

Are we praying together for each other more than we

did six months ago when life gets hard? Are we

pointing each other back to Jesus?

Are we just.

Venting and coping we have to ask ourselves relational questions.

Are we growing in connection or just going through the motions?

Are we communicating more honestly and with empathy and grace actually,

or are we actually taking steps back? Are we becoming

safer spaces for one another or more distant and defensive?

And lastly, we have to ask ourselves purposeful questions.

Are we building with intention or are we drifting by default?

Are we moving towards Kingdom purpose Pomona or just checking

off spiritual boxes. If past betrayal or divorce has taken

in our lives and it has scarred me, am I

open to healing with time and godly boundaries that lead

to a healthy love again. That is how you know

if you are growing in a relationship or ready to

grow more in Christ. You see family, Today, We've held

held up three keys as we took a look at

healthy relationships. We took a look at the key of priority,

which is placing Jesus. First, we held up the key

of protection, which is learning to guard our heart. And

lastly we held up the key of progress, which is

growth towards Jesus together in our relationships. But you may

be here today and you feel as deflated as that

balloon that I popped. You feel like you have been

trying to in into relationships with the wrong key, and

you've discovered that it is one failed relationship after another.

If that is you here today, I want to encourage

you and remind you that Jesus is still the master

locksmith in all of this, and he can forge new

keys in your life today. The same Savior who rolled

away the stone can realign your heart today. The same

spirit who raised him from the dead can bring life

into your dry marriage and friendships and families today. But

you have to in first invite him in. You have

to trust his timing family. You have to be willing

to exchange those wrong keys for the right ones today.

And when you put those keys into his hands, I

want you to watch him unlock peace and purpose and

a new beginning in your relationships today. Let's pray God,

we are just so grateful for who you are. We

thank you Father for the greatest relationship of all is

that's Jesus who came to die on the cross so

that we may have a relationship with him. Jesus, We're

so grateful for your example that here on this earth,

God that we can have healthy relationships today. We don't

have to accept what's happened in the past. We don't

have to accept what society says is a norm. We

can have biblical, godly healthy relationships that pursue you God.

So no matter where we are today, God, no matter

what broken keys someone may be holding, God, no matter

the wrong keys, God, we leave them at your feet today, God,

And we invite you in God to be number one

as you become God.

The blue PRIs to what relationships look like.

God.

We don't want to do any relationship outside of you

being the center. God, Be with us in your name, Amen, Family,

Can we give Jesus a handclap today? You know, if

you're still here and you're watching us online, it's really

the most important part of the service, whether you're in person,

outside in the courtyard or tuning in. You know, today

we talked about healthy relationships, We talked about Jesus being

the center of it all. But you might be here

today and you've never had the opportunity to accept Jesus

into your heart as your personal Lord and savior. And

if that's you, then I want to invite you to

say a prayer tonight And it's not the prayer that

saves you.

But it's the positioning.

And the belief in your heart to come to God

and say, God, I'm tired of.

Doing this on my own.

I'm tied God, of dating God over and over the

wrong people. I'm tired of these broken friendships. I'm tired

of struggling in my marriage.

God.

And I want to place you first. I want to

have a relationship with you first, God, so that the

rest of my relationships can be blessed. And if that's

you here tonight, are you watching online, then I'm gonna

invite you to say a prayer with me. No matter

what doors you may have forced yourself into. God can

redeem today. No matter what broken relationships.

You may have had.

God can restore today if you come to Him with

a repentful heart, ready to exchange your ways for his.

He stands ready to open We're ready with open hands

to embrace you and to tell you He loves you

and to start a genuine relationship with you.

Today.

I'm gonna ask everyone to bow their heads. But if

that is you here tonight, then I'm gonna say a

prayer and I'm gonna ask you to repeat after me,

and I want you to say it and mean it with.

Your whole heart.

Say, Dear Jesus, I ask you to come into my life,

cleanse me and make me whole.

I confess with my mouth that Jesus is.

Lord, and I believe in my heart that God raise

you from the dead. From this day forward, I am

now saved and I am now your child. In Jesus's name,

I pray Amen and Amen.

Come on Patreon, can we rejoice for.

What God just did in person and online?

Hey, family, thank you guys so much for accepting Christ

into your life. We are so excited and Heaven is

cheering along with you. So what's next, you may ask.

We aren't going to leave you hanging. We want to

give you some information. We want to give you, guys,

some resources, and you're going to head over to grow

dot Faith, where my father in law has given you,

guys a book that is tangible for you to read

and it's the seven steps on how to walk out

this Christian faith. So family, make sure you guys go

to grow dot Faith to get more of that information.

And I challenge you in the next twelve months, try

to get to your local church or if you're in

the local area, come to our Rancho campus or our

Pomona campus. We would love to see you and fellowship

with you and be in community with you. And we'd

also love to hear the testimony on what God is

going to be doing in your life. So if you

need more resources or if you're looking to hear more sermons,

go to Patrio Dot Church. We are a family and

we want to see our family win for the kingdom.

Have a blessed day and have blessed week.