The Lies Wrecking Your Relationships | Brad Straarup

Why don't you do me a favor?

Why don't you turn to someone next to you and just say, man, you're looking good.

You're looking good.

Turn to someone that you're going to see.

Say you're looking good.

Some of y'all are like, I am not, I am not doing that.

You're like, absolutely not.

False.

I am I'm I am not I'm not gonna do that.

I'm not gonna.

If you're single, let me just say, you need to be really strategic who you're sitting next to in the series.

I'm trying to help you out.

You know, next week when I say turn to someone and say you're looking good.

You can be like, hey yeah girl, you're looking good.

You know, you can you can say it.

I'm trying to help you all out.

We're starting a brand new series today called It's Complicated.

How many of you know that relationships can be complicated?

They can be so complicated.

It is our love, sex, and marriage series, and we're talking about relationships, and it's gonna be fun.

And I just gotta know, I need to know who is in the room.

How many of you are in this room and you've been married over five years?

Married over five years, where you at?

Where you at?

Where you at?

I love that.

Look at them, look at them.

How many 10 years?

Any 10 years in the house?

Okay, how about 20 years?

How about 30 years?

Oh my god, how about 40 years?

50 years?

Oh my gosh, can y'all put your hands together?

We just want to be like you.

I love that.

Married over 50 years.

Man, let me just say it doesn't matter how long you've been married, if you've been married one year or you've been married 50 years, you can often come into a relationship series and you can be like, man, I think I know everything that there is to know.

Let me just say this.

It doesn't matter how long you've been married.

When it comes to marriage and the Bible, there is always more to learn.

Whether you've been married one year or 50 years, or whether you're single, or whether you're single again, or whether you're married, or whether you're married again, or you're married again and again.

No matter what happens, God, God has something we're gonna have fun.

God has something that He wants to speak to every single one of you.

And here's what I want you to know, first and foremost, is that God has a plan for you, for your life, and for your relationships.

Can I get a good amen?

He has a plan for you, for your life, and for your relationships.

And what I want to show you in this series is that if you do relationships the world's way, it's complicated.

But if you do relationships God's way, it becomes incredibly clear.

Y'all thought I was gonna say it's easy.

Nah, it ain't easy.

Doing things God's way is not easy, but I can tell you this when you do things God's way, it may not be easy, but it is fulfilling.

When you do it God's way, everything comes together.

God has a plan for your relationship, and I think anytime you hear that, there's people and you're already counting yourself out.

And you're like, no, but Brad, you don't understand me, you don't know what I've been through, you don't know how messy or muddy my life is, because I've already ruined my marriage.

I have broken trust, and because of that, I'm never gonna have trust back.

Some of you are already counting yourself out because what you're saying is, no, no, no, but I've already slipped around and I've already messed it up, and no good guy or no good girl is ever gonna want me while someone else is in this room, and you're like, I'm divorced, and we're sharing kids, and no one is gonna ever want to come into the mess that is my life, the mud that is my life.

I just need to tell you something about God is that God does mud.

God does dirt.

Like, look at creation.

When God creates, what does he do?

Everything he creates, he speaks it into existence.

When he creates the mountains that we love so much here in Phoenix, he spoke it into existence.

When you see the sunset, he speaks it into existence.

But when he creates you and me, he does something incredibly different.

Genesis 2, verse 7, it says this Then the Lord God formed man from the dust of the ground, and he breathed into his nostrils the bread of life, and man became a living being.

Genesis 2:7

Everything else he speaks into existence.

But when God creates humanity, he kneels down into the dearth, he scoops them up from the dust, and he breathes into them.

God doesn't have an issue with dealing with dirty things.

And when God puts your hand his hands on you and breathes the breath of life into you, everything changes.

I don't care what you've gone through in your life, no matter what your relationship has looked like.

Some of you are in here today and you feel so much hurt and pain and rejection.

And let me just say something.

If you allow God to put his hands on that thing, I believe he's gonna breathe life into that situation.

Can I get a good amen?

We believe he wants to come and he wants to do that for every single one of us.

So in Genesis, what happens?

God creates Adam.

We're gonna be living in Genesis for this sermon.

And in verse 18, there's this remarkable scripture, and it says this it is not good for man to be alone.

Thank you, brother.

We agree.

It is not good for man to be alone.

If you were married, that was your moment.

I'm trying to give you moments.

It is not good for man to be alone, and all God's men said hey good.

Amen.

Literally, the first time God says something isn't good, it's in this moment.

Up until this point, everything is good.

But he says, it is not good for men to be alone, which is why you need to be in a spirit group.

Y'all see what I did there?

You've got to be in the spirit group.

If you're not in a group, it is not good for you to be alone.

If you're a single, we have young adults' groups.

Get in a group, get in a group.

It's not good for us to be alone.

So God creates woman.

He turns to Adam and he's like, Adam, what do you want to call her?

And he's like, God, I don't know, but man! God's like, that's what we're gonna call a woman, like right there.

Woo, man, that's what we're gonna do.

And uh called her woman, just straight straight over there.

He created men, and uh I think God was like, Hey, man, man is pretty good, but but what watch this?

And then he created woman.

Like it just was it just was awesome.

Like he says it was good, and then he says it's not good for man to be alone, but he created girls, and then he said, once he created girls, he said it's not only good, it's very good.

Y'all notice that was the girl?

It's really good.

The problem though is that when girls came into the scene, everything became more complicated.

It became so much more complicated.

Y'all remember when life wasn't complicated?

Anyone remember when life wasn't complicated?

Like when when when you were young and you could just like go and hang out with your friends and there was no text messaging, like your parents didn't even know where you were, they were just like be back by six, and you're like, okay.

You go play around.

Y'all remember when it wasn't complicated?

Y'all remember when when when when phones, house phones had cords?

Do y'all remember that?

That like how like I remember having everyone's home had a had a had a phone, and I remember answering it as a six-year-old and saying, hello, startup residents.

I'd never used the word residence, but I'm answering, I'm like, Bradley speaking.

You know, Brad Brad, hello, Starbucks, Bradley speaking.

And then you would, you know, meet a girl and then you'd have to like plan when you wanted to talk to her, and you're like, okay, I'm gonna call you at six.

Okay, but but it it you need to pick up real quick, or else our parents are gonna pick up the phone, and then literally at six o'clock, it was like and you're like, hello.

She's like, hi.

And you're like, mom, dad.

You're like, we're good.

Okay.

You're like, hey.

She's like, hey.

What you doing?

She's like, talking to you.

And you would be on the phone for six hours, talking about what?

Nothing.

Like, literally nothing.

Like you'd be there for a while, no one's saying anything, and you're like, are you there?

Yeah.

I love to hear you breathe.

And you'll be like, you'll be like, okay, we need we need it, we need it, we need to put down the phone.

Okay, okay, you ready?

Okay.

No, you.

Okay, no, you.

Okay, let's count to three.

One, two, three.

Are you still there?

Yeah, I'm here.

You're like, what was that?

Like, y'all laughing because every single one of you did it.

Man, life was so much simpler.

Like, if you wanted to get a girl, you had to go have a conversation.

We don't talk anymore.

We can stalk on Instagram, we can stalk on Facebook.

There was no Snapchat.

You had to really chat.

I remember, man, girls, I I I mean, I was in a church, so you know, church girls, they're different, they're hard to get.

You know, you you needed to be like really, really smart, and you know, you'd walk up to them and be like, Yo, girl, I was reading the book of Numbers and I realized that yours wasn't in here.

Can you go ahead and put that in my Bible?

Just write, just write over.

Girl, did it hurt?

What?

When you fell from heaven?

One more, like, girl, you must be made of water.

Why?

Because Jesus turned you into fine.

Listen, if you use one of those, I rebuke you in the name of Jesus.

Like I rebuke you in the name, like it just was, and then you you reach your teenage years, and then it gets complicated.

Because then you experience what love is, right?

15 is when it happens.

Like I remember meeting this girl, 15.

Oh my gosh, I was in love.

Head over heels.

Like I remember she was a goddess among women.

Like, like she was the peanut butter to my jelly.

Like when she walked into a room, the entire room slowed down.

You know, one of those, I was like, I don't sing, but I was like, this girl is on fire.

We were talking, man.

We were texting this girl.

I remember I was like, we're having so like we're having so much fun.

I was like, this was this was great.

And and and parents, let me tell you something, because you know, dating back then was just so different because you'd be on Instagram and you would like like one someone's photo, and they would like one of yours, and you're like, oh, it's on.

And then you would like three, and then they would like three, and people are nodding their heads, they're like, that's how you know she's picking up what you're putting down.

If she doesn't like three, abandon ship.

You know, but but but she did, and I was like, oh man, we're talking, this is amazing.

The only problem is she was talking to somebody else.

Oh my gosh.

The problem is she was talking to someone, and and the person she was talking to, I found out.

And I was like, oh my gosh, he's so much better looking than me, and he's so he's so much greater than me.

He's kind of he was a friend of mine, but he was a friend that stuck closer than a brother.

The only problem is that he had the same last name as me because it was my brother.

So, what am I gonna do?

And then I learned about heartbreak songs, you know, and I would go home and I would just stream Leon Lewis.

I keep bleeding, keep keep bleeding.

I'm literally bleeding love.

That that is y'all remember that we were so dramatic.

We were so dramatic, all the songs that we would listen to.

You know, if you were happy about the breakup, you know, in sync, you'll just be like bah bah bah bah you're like, yeah.

And if you were like actually sad, but you wanted to pretend to be happy, oh, you would throw on some Beyoncé.

You must not know about me, you must not know about me.

I can have another minute.

You're not gonna have another in a minute?

What is that?

Like it it was so complicated, and I remember I was like, man, I'm gonna be alone forever.

You know?

So two weeks later, I met this girl.

But y'all don't understand, she was like a goddess among women, she was the peanut butter to my jelly.

When she walks into a room, the entire y'all get the point.

I was like, it's so complicated.

Relationships are so complicated.

Here's what you need to know: God originally did not design our relationships to be complicated.

Like when you look at Genesis, they weren't supposed to be complicated.

When you look at Genesis 2 and 3, that's gonna set the trajectory for this entire series for this sermon.

What you need to know is what we're looking at here is God is creating something.

And when God creates something, there's this principle called the law, the the principle of first mention.

And what happens is anytime you see something in the Bible, that first time it's mentioned, it sets the trajectory for that thing.

So you're seeing here a relationship get created, and I'm not gonna have point one and point two and point three today.

I kind of want to just take you through the story and show you God's intent for marriage before sin, before the myth, there was an order that God wanted to put in place.

Here's the first principle is that when it comes to relationship, it is God first, then everybody else.

God first, and then everybody else.

And if you do not have Jesus in your life, and if you do not get that, that is the start of every problem you will ever have in your relationship.

First John 4.19, it says this we love because he first loved us.

So God creates Adam, and Adam is walking with God in the cool of the day, and he has a relationship with God.

Ladies, let me tell you something.

If he is not connected to Jesus, he does not have the life that he needs in order to give you the life that you need.

If he's not connected to Jesus, men by ourselves, we'll tell you we're selfish.

We don't lay down our lives naturally.

We need a God who lays down his life first.

We want to become like him, and as we become like him, we can then lead.

There is an order when it comes to relationships.

Okay?

Single ladies, where you at?

All the single ladies, where you at?

I love some of you like.

Get this.

Adam was created in the image of God, he was in the presence of God, yielded to the work of God, doing the will of God.

Ladies, I need you to know this.

That if he is not connected to God, living in the will of God, yielded to the work of God, that it is actually good for him to be alone.

Because what he needs to get, first and foremost, is he needs to get his relationship with Jesus on order.

There is an order to this thing.

And once that happens, he has a relationship with God, then God creates woman.

Verse 21, it says, So the Lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep, and while he was sleeping, he took out from one of his ribs and he clothed it.

And then the Lord made a woman from the rib that he took out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

And the man said, Now this is bone of my bone, flesh, and my flesh.

She will be called woman.

For she was taken out of the man.

And this is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

In this, you see God's original intent, which is this one man, one woman united together, becoming one flesh.

One man, one woman united together, becoming one flesh.

That was God's original intent.

One man and one woman.

In other words, you don't pick your pronouns, God does.

We don't get to pick our pronouns.

God does.

One man and one woman.

That was his intent from the beginning, is that one man and one woman would marry each other, and that is the pattern throughout the Old Testament and throughout the New Testament.

Anyone that says, no, the Bible doesn't talk about this.

No, it talks about this.

In fact, it talks about it so clearly, it started in Genesis 2.

That's where he talks about it.

He says that one man and one woman will come together and they will leave their father and mother.

Say leave.

That word literally means to abandon, it means to forsake.

That's what we need to do.

That's why, girls, when something breaks or you need an emotional support being and you call your dad, it does not work when your husband is right there.

You're supposed to leave, you're supposed to forsake.

It's what we're supposed to- I'm coming for you all the day.

I'm stepping on some toes today.

It's like people are fighting, and you know, they're like, I'm leaving, and then they drive to their parents.

You know, they're married, and then parents are like, Oh my gosh, he's the worst.

Yeah, he's the worst.

No, no, no, no.

A good healthy parent is like, is he hitting you?

Is he abusing you?

No, he's not.

Oh, you had a fight about who washes the dishes.

Turn around.

Go back.

Go back.

That's what we need to do.

That was the initial the initial picture.

One man, one woman coming together, one flesh.

It says that we are united.

That word literally means glued or welded, and it is so strong.

It is a uniting so strong you can't even see the seam.

That is the picture.

And from that picture it says that they were naked and they felt no shame.

That was the original tent that you will be in a relationship that you'll be completely seen, completely known, naked, vulnerable, no shame, no hiding, no baggage, nothing.

So God creates woman.

The challenges, he creates woman to complement man and not to complete man.

He designed woman to be a strength and not a substitute for him.

The problem is so often that's exactly what we do.

I want to show you this picture.

This is what Adam looked like.

He had this relationship with God, and he was directly connected to God.

That's what it looks like.

The challenges for many of us, that's how we start, and then we find someone and they're cute and they're amazing, and this is what it looks like.

Well, you have God and you have a husband and a wife, but the wife isn't connected to God, or that can also be reversed.

And the problem is when you have either spouse not connected to God, you become the substitute for God.

And now I need you to heal me.

And I need you to heal my rejection, and I need you to heal my baggage, and you become my functional savior, and I need you to give me everything that God was supposed to give.

So can you give me love and can you give me adoration?

And can you give me love and joy and peace and patience and kindness and goodness and faithfulness and gentleness and work and self-command?

Can you give me all of the fruit of the spirit?

Can you say, Well done, that good and faithful servant?

They were never meant to carry that load.

They are not God, but we place them in the place of God because we don't have a relationship with God ourselves.

And if that's how your marriage is structured, it's never gonna work.

So what happens is you have Eve who actually is connected to God, and that's what it looks like, and that is the only healthy relational triangle you can ever be in.

You see, but you you you start in a relationship with God, and you know you're selfish, and you have things that you're working on, and you're trying to figure this out, and I don't want to lay down my preference, and no, you say sorry first.

No, you say sorry first, no, you say sorry.

Like we're doing all of that.

But the crazy thing is as we love Jesus, and I want you to watch this, as we get closer to God, we get closer to each other.

People are like, there's so much relational discord in my relationship.

What am I supposed to do?

Do we just try to come together?

No, no, no, no, no.

You both run to God, and when you run to God, you come closer to each other.

And anytime that's not happening, it's because one of us is not running to God.

That's what it's supposed to look like.

That is the relational triangle that God created and intended from the beginning.

So the question is, how did that all get messed up?

Easy.

We allowed another voice into that triangle.

Enter Genesis 3, the serpent.

Genesis 3, verse 1, it says this the serpent was more crafty than any of the wild animals the Lord God had made.

Genesis 3:1

And he said to the woman, Did God really say you must not eat of any tree in the garden?

Watch this.

She allows another person to start speaking into their relationship.

Ladies, let me just say, sometimes there's gonna be other people that are gonna try to speak into your relationship.

They could be familiar people, helpful people, men, the same thing.

Oh, bro, you shouldn't listen to oh mom, you shouldn't do.

Be careful who you're letting speak into your relationship.

The first lie was told, you will not die, the serpent said to the woman, for God knows when you eat of it, you will become like him, you will know good and evil.

And when the woman saw that the fruit was good for food and pleasing to the eye and desirable for gaining wisdom, she took them and she ate it, and she gave it to her husband, who was with her.

Apostles will often say, This was the failure of Eve.

No, no, no, no, no.

This was the failure of Adam.

This was the failure of Adam.

Because he was with her.

You get sins of commission and omission.

Commission is you should you did something, omission is you should have done something, but you didn't.

He was silent, he was passive, and sin came, which is why when God comes, the first person he holds accountable is not Eve, it's Adam.

He was designed to lead.

People are like, no, I'm just the strong, silent type.

No, no, no, you can be strong or you can be silent.

You cannot be both.

You cannot be both.

Adam didn't speak up.

That's why I'm so thankful for our spirit men.

Are you thankful for our spirit men?

Come on, men like Nick and Andy and Randy and J.R.

That are like, man, I'm bringing my family to church because that's for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

Come on, we're looking for strong men who are gonna lead in this place.

That's what we're called to do.

It says that their eyes were opened and they realized that they were naked, so they sewed fig leaves together and they made coverings.

How did it get complicated?

We allowed a serpent to start speaking into our lives, and it robbed us of our innocence.

The rejection, the hurt, the pain is because we've been listening to lies.

What lies have you been listening to?

Because married people, I need you to get this that affairs don't start in someone's bed, they start in your head.

Where you go to the office and you say hi, and she's like, she just laughed at me saying hi.

Like my spouse doesn't even laugh at me.

You know, and the next time you walk into the office, you like pull in your stomach, and you're like we start entertaining things.

It happens one step at a time.

Whose hug at the office are you looking forward to getting?

Like you're actually thinking about it.

Like I can't wait to see that person.

Let me just say this.

Kill yourself.

And spouses, when they tell you that, be mature enough to say thank you for telling me.

Let's work on this together.

Amen.

Amen.

Romans 12 verse 2 says, Do not conform to the panel in this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

Romans 12:2

And then you will prove.

You'll be able to test and approve what God's will is his good, pleasing, and perfect will.

The snake comes and lies to Eve, and I think the craziest thing is she doesn't freak out.

Because obviously we don't get this because snakes don't talk now, but there was something about this that felt familiar.

She wasn't like, oh my gosh, the snake.

Like we would.

She had a normal conversation.

Sometimes the lies are gonna come are not gonna come through the enemy with a pitchfork and some horns.

It's gonna come through a voice that sounds familiar.

A counselor that's not a biblical counselor that's saying you should leave him.

A friend who is saying you should give up.

Be careful which voices you allow to speak into your marriage.

It was a voice that was familiar and tries to break it.

And the problem is that we all start believing these lies of culture.

Let me give you some of these lies that we believe, the lies that the enemy has sold us.

A lot of it comes through Hollywood.

Lies to marry people.

Here's the first one.

You married the wrong person.

Which this disguises itself as insight rather than a temptation, and it turns everything that they do into evidence of this fact.

So that girl at the office, you're like, see, I married the wrong person.

We get so obsessed with finding the right one.

I just want the right one.

Are they the one for me?

Like

Not even theologically, like logically, play that out.

Is there the one?

Well, if there was the one and someone else didn't hear from God and they married your one, then that person didn't marry the one, and then that person didn't, and some guy made a decision 2,000 years ago and it upset the cosmos.

One person, now we're all married to the wrong person.

It doesn't work that way.

You want to know if you're married to the right person?

Here's what you need to do.

It's gonna take some digging and it's kinda hard and it's really it's really difficult.

What you need to do is go home, go to your filing cabinet, pull out your marriage license, see whose name is on there, if your spouse's name is on there, then becomes the right one.

Lie, I'm married to the wrong person.

Truth.

Whoever you're married to became the right person.

Lie, it shouldn't be this hard.

That's the Hollywood lie.

And they lived happily ever after.

That's because it's a movie.

The problem is we think difficulty means incompatibility rather than difficulty meaning sanctification.

Oh, it's so difficult because we're fighting.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you're fighting about the thing that you should be doing that you're not doing, and you're too selfish to lay down your life.

This isn't an incompatibility issue, this is a sanctification and discipleship issue.

Y'all can clap for that.

Is there an area that we need to apologize first?

Is there an area where we need to lay down our personal preference?

Lie, it shouldn't be this hard.

Truth, great marriages take work.

Marriages is marriage is spelt W-O-R-K.

Work.

Work, work, work, work.

Work.

Another lie, they'll never change, I might as well quit.

And that's bitterness disguised as realism.

The challenge is it writes the ending before God does.

They'll never change.

No, here's the truth: Jesus can change them.

Another lie, you'll be happier with someone else.

Everyone else is in a better marriage.

That's the comparison lie, and it's supercharged by social media.

You're like, Fred, he always takes them on vacations.

They're at Disneyland.

They're in the Bahamas.

They're in one of those, those, those, those, those like little vacation things that are like over the water, you know, where you like can see the, you're like, they're in one of those.

Why didn't you take me there?

Well, you don't know is before they took that photo, they were yelling and screaming, and their kids were crazy, and they're like, everyone smiled, and then after that, they were like crazy again.

Y'all are laughing because you took that photo.

You've taken that photo.

You know it's fake.

We have a family photo shoot, and we get one photo that looks decent.

Just one.

The rest of the time I'm trying to feed my kid MMs and whatever I can do to just please smile.

Lie, the grass is greener on the other side.

No, no, no, the grass is greener when you water it.

Lies to singles.

You're behind.

It's the timeline lie.

Time is running out.

You're never gonna find someone, your window of opportunity is closing.

The problem with that is we become desperate and we start avoiding red flags.

Hear me.

The only thing harder than being single and alone is being married and alone.

Psalm 31.5 says, My future is in your hands.

We have to trust God.

God has you right where you need to be second life for singles, as if I can change them.

That's the married people laughing, by the way.

You're like, no, they're like a plant.

And if I just keep them under my care and I give them sunlight and I trim their leaves, and you know, I just water them enough, they'll change, they'll blossom, they'll flourish.

Like they just need to be under my care.

No, no, no.

Marriage is a multiplier of everything.

So whatever they're struggling with, when you get into marriage, it's gonna multiply that thing.

If porn was an addiction, it's gonna multiply within marriage.

If he's angry now, can you imagine how angry he's gonna be once he's married and he's not trying to win your heart?

You do not marry potential, you marry someone who they are.

Another lie of culture.

The right person will complete me.

It's the Jeremy Maguire lie.

Jeremy gets all of the success, and you know, he doesn't have the girl, but he gets the the success, and then all of a sudden he's like, oh my gosh, I have success, but I don't have the girl, and he busts into a spurred connect group while she's talking to all of her friends.

He looks at her and he says, I've had success.

But you complete me.

And she says, You had me at hello.

Like, I just want that.

It's a movie with a soundtrack and a slow planning camera.

It's fake.

If I can just find the right person, we look at our relationships like Disney.

I can show you the world.

No, he can't.

No, he can't.

You had a ceremony and a holiday, and now you're coming back to the same problems, the same debts.

He can't show you the world.

We think everything's gonna change just because no, but Disney says it, and Disney is always right.

That's exactly no, no, no, no, no.

Marriage, man, it's like math.

Two are becoming one, it's multiplication.

And if a half and a half gets multiplied together, you don't get a full, you get a quarter.

But if a whole, if a half finds God and a half finds God, and one and one come together and multiply, it makes one.

Two become marriage is a multiplier.

They do not complete you, God completes you.

And then you find someone.

Here's another lie for the singles.

This is as good as it gets.

It's a scarcity lie where we're like, no, but bad boys are good.

No, bad boys are bad.

Bad girls are bad, and bad boys become bad men.

If he's not honoring you now, when he's trying to win your heart, do you think he'll honor you later?

If he's not loving you now, we just want the run com story.

It's fake.

And people are like, no, no, no, we're fighting and it's drama, but that's just passion.

No, fighting and drama is not passion.

Fighting and drama is fighting and drama.

No, but I love so unpredictable.

It's not supposed to be.

I'm supposed to predict that tomorrow Paige will be in bed and say, What's up?

I can print she can predict that tomorrow morning I'm gonna make her coffee.

We do not make a really good reality TV show.

Because there's no drama.

It would be boring.

You'll be like, wait, so they like love their kids and they hug their kids and they tuck their kids in and they have dinner and then they hold hands on the couch and then they talk about nothing, and you're like, boring.

Yes, yes, it's supposed to be boring.

Not really, it's supposed to be predictable.

Chemistry.

And then we start getting into lies about sex.

Sex solves everything, so we're in relational disarray, so we're like, let's just add that.

And guys are like, great, because that involves the thing I like.

Hollywood tells us that we need sex.

Let me just say this: sex is not a need.

Water, food is a need.

There's studies that have said it's this crazy.

You can go your whole life without having sex and not die.

Don't know that.

Guys in the room are like, why am I here?

Why did you bring me?

You said the girls' line was great.

Why am I here?

No, no, no, no, no.

You have to know this.

We have to stop making one-based decisions, thinking they're need-based decisions.

Sex is like a fireplace.

When it is in that fire, it can keep everyone warm.

When it is outside of that fireplace, it can burn a house down.

Here's another lie, it's just physical.

Let's get physical.

No, let's not.

Because literally Genesis 2.24, 1 Corinthians 6 16, there is nothing casual about welding together.

Here's another lie.

God's holding out on you.

That's the original lie.

He's holding out on you.

That's what's happening.

Here's the worst lie.

I've already messed up.

Why stop now?

And that makes no sense because what we're doing, the Bible literally says when we're doing this, we're taking fire and we're putting it on our lap.

And saying that is saying this.

While I'm already burnt, I might as well just keep getting burnt.

No.

You stop, you say, God, forgive me, and God, can you heal?

You can make a decision today saying, God, I'm not doing that anymore.

Heal, restore, purify.

Deal with that stuff, and you can walk into a marriage exactly who you need to be.

You all need to hear that.

We look for an answer outside of us, but the answer comes in God.

You need to notice that what the enemy did is he sold her a lie of happiness and then he handed her a blueprint for misery.

That's what he does.

Jesus is counter-cultural.

When the world is moving one way, if you look at Jesus, Jesus is always moving another way.

Every single time.

You see, and I think one of the greatest places that we see this is actually when it comes to Hollywood.

Because Hollywood has a design for relationships, and this is the design.

The first thing that you do is you get physical.

Y'all seen that in the movies?

Boy meets girl.

Like passionate love affair.

It's like they don't even know each other.

And they're like, this is amazing.

It's like a one-night stand.

Like that is Hollywood's recipe.

Okay, winky face.

Okay?

That's what it is.

Like, that's what you need to do.

And that works.

And what happens is, you know, you see a girl from across the room, and you know, you she bats her eyes and you bet yours, and you know, you go over and you're like, hey there, girl.

And she's like, No, English.

And you're like, it's gonna work.

It's gonna work.

Why?

Because we're so passionate.

We're like, we're just gonna try, it's gonna, it's gonna be amazing.

So the next thing that you do is you you start with that, and then you know, it gets emotional, and then you're like, I love them.

I love them so much.

The problem about the emotional stage is that it lasts six weeks to eighteen months.

And you're so in love.

This is the point where love is blind, and you're like, he's amazing, he's perfect.

Why?

He opens the door for me.

What?

He opens the door for you?

Like, that's what it is to have a great husband?

He asks me how my day was.

Okay, like love is blind at that point, right?

It lost six to eighteen months.

This is the point where a lot of young people want to get married.

They're like, Can you marry us?

Like, why?

They're like, we're in love.

I'm like, that is a terrible reason to get married.

Does he have a job?

I don't know.

Do you have a job?

I don't have a job.

He's like, but I can show you the world.

No, he can't even order an Uber.

How is he gonna show you the world?

He can't even order an Uber.

They're like, please marry us.

No, no.

So then what we do is we're like, no, no, no, no, no.

I know, let's introduce him to my family.

Let's take the social, and it's already getting flowing.

You're like, this is the introduction, and in this point, you're like, guys, he's amazing.

He holds the door open for me.

Like he's amazing, and and you know your your family is like, oh, he's great, he's amazing, this is amazing, because he's on his best behavior.

And then you have that one person that loves you and says, You shouldn't do this because um he's crazy, and you're like, whatever.

Because at that point, love is blind, right?

Love is blind, and this this is often where a lot of people get married, and then you get married, and then you start getting to know them, and you're like, hmm.

You think what about raising kids?

You think what about your values?

And you're not the same person that, yeah, yeah, yeah, because this has worn off.

18 months, so this is the point where people fall out of love because they still think love is a feeling.

Love is not a feeling, love is a choice.

Jesus didn't feel his way to the cross, he chose his way there.

No, we're just out of love, that's what's happening, and you know, now you have kids and it's so broken, and you're like, what's supposed to happen?

And you're like, I know what we need to do.

We need God.

And the problem is at this point, it's so broken and distorted that what should feel like a gift becomes a weight.

God, can you fix this?

God, I'm stuck under this.

And God is like, I'm never gonna try to add weight.

Here's what I need to do.

Jesus is this that I will give you rest, that my yoke is easy and my burden is light.

In other words, when you do things God's way, you find that the pain that you were supposed to have you avoid.

Jesus, we're yoked together.

With Jesus, he's a strong ox, and we're weak, and he's like, but I'm gonna show you how I walk, and I'm gonna show you that everything that I've said in my word wasn't meant to hurt you, it was meant to help you.

Culture is gonna make you build something that doesn't work.

Why don't you do this?

Why don't you start on Jesus?

Singles.

Men, love Jesus, love Jesus, and then once you love Jesus, get in a group, and start meeting people who love Jesus.

If you're married and your marriage is falling apart, join a marriage connect group.

Spirit group.

Join a group.

More than anything.

If you're here and you have a beautiful marriage, start a spirit group.

I am begging you.

There are people who need what you have.

Groups alive today, you can join them, but if you're here and you're like, I, hey, God's convicted me, I want to start a group, we'll find a way to get your group listed.

Please.

There are people who need what you have.

Broken marriages can get restored here.

Single people can find, and then once you find someone, then what you can do is you can start getting to know them.

Their values, what they think about God, what they want to do.

Are you aligned?

Are you both going in the same direction?

And then once you're like, hey, I think this is a I think this is a pretty good idea, then you can start dating.

See, and before this, your heart's not even in it, so you're protected.

You're protected.

And then you can get to the emotional stage where you're like, okay, uh, but we're built on something solid, so when this fades away and it feels like we're not in love anymore, it's beautiful because we were friends first, and our friendship is more important than whatever this was because we built this right, because we built it here, because it's built here.

And then you get married, and marriage happens right there.

That's where marriage happens.

The hardest thing is this is the smallest box, and it's rightfully so.

Because in a marriage, the least amount of time is actually physical.

All the married people said.

Most of your time in marriage, you're friends.

You're friends.

Please make sure you are good friends.

More than anything else.

Andy Stanley, I'll close with this.

Andy Stanley wrote a book way back when called The New Rules for Love, Sex and Dating.

And he says this, are you who the person you're looking for is looking for?

See, because sometimes we have expectations of others, but we're not even stepping into the expectations that we have for them.

And he tells a story when he was writing this book, he did a focus group of a girl who went off to college, and you know, she grew up and she was in a Christian home and it was beautiful and it was great, and she went to college and she started sleeping around and doing all the things and going to parties.

And then one day a friend invited her to a dinner party and said, Hey, can you come?

So she came and uh she met a guy there, and this guy was talking to her about God and about Jesus.

And she went home and she said to her mom, She says, Mom, I think I met the guy.

I met the guy.

She's like, Tell me about him, and she says, Oh, mom, he loves Jesus.

He told me about Jesus.

Mom, he he he told me that God has a plan for my life.

Mom, it was the best.

You'd be so proud.

And the mom said, Oh, baby, did he get your number?

And she says, No.

And the mom said, baby, he wasn't interested in you.

He was witnessing to you.

Because you might be looking for him, but he's not looking for you.

I think so often if you look in the Bible and you try to see what the Bible says about finding the right one, you're gonna see that the Bible doesn't say much about that.

But if you start looking about how to become the right one, the Bible has a lot to say about that.

So here's my encouragement for every single person in this room that we start as we start this relationship is build your relationship God's way.

If you're married, hey, you can come back to the foundation.

And I recommend that you do that.

If something's broken, you can come back.

If you're single, you have the ability to build this right from the start and not do it the way that the world does.

Build your relationship God's way.

And the final thing is this stop looking for the right one and start becoming the right one.

Love Jesus and work on yourself, and then find someone who loves Jesus and is working on themselves.

That's how you have a solid marriage, and all God's people said.

A minute, can I pray for you?

God, I want to thank you for today.

God, I want to thank you for just the honor that we have to learn about relationships.

And God, this is gonna be a fun series, but God, I just want to pray that you'll do a deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep, deep work.

Lord, I recognize today that there are people that are hurting.

That their marriage feels like it's falling apart.

And God, I just pray that you'll put the right people beside them to strengthen them, that they'll build it on the solid foundation, which is you.

Lord, for singles, Lord, who are waiting, God, may you give them the patience to wait.

Lord God, I thank you for what you're doing in this place.

While you continue praying, I know that there may be some people here and your foundation isn't set because you don't do not follow Jesus.

And if that's you, I just want to give you that opportunity.

If you know you are far from God, you have run away from him, and you're like, Brad, my foundation is not solid, and I want to come to Jesus.

I want you to do me a favor.

I just want you to wave at me right now.

Just say, hey, Brad, that's me.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I love the confidence in that.

I love that.

Pray this prayer off to me.

Just say, Dear Jesus, I believe that you're the Son of God and the Savior of the world.

I believe you came to this earth, you died on a cross, and you were raised.

That I can have life.

I make you my Lord, I make you my savior.

In Jesus' name.

In Jesus' name.

Hey, church, can you do me a favor?

Can you put your hands together?

Come on for everyone who said that for the first time.

We love you, church.

And if you just said yes to Jesus, let me just say that is the best decision you could ever make.

And you do have a next step.

We would love for you to let us know and do that by texting the keyword Jesus to 480-485-3405.

We want you to let us know.

And we have a resource that we would love to get in your hands.

It's called You Said Yes.

It's a 21-day devotional so that you don't have to start this journey with Jesus alone.

And if this ministry has impacted you in any way you're watching, we would love to ask you to pray about two simple things.

First, pray about sharing this with someone.

You just never know how much a simple share could impact someone around you.

And two, we would love for you to pray about partnering with us financially.

And you never know how much your giving makes this possible for people just like you and all around the world.

So we want to say thank you for the way that you give.

And if you want to do that today, you can head to spiritchurch.co forward slash give.

Well, we love you, church, and we can't wait to see you right back here next week.

And because remember with God, there is more.