How to Be a Godly Man | Brad Straarup

Love you all so thankful for every single one of you.

I honestly believe God wants to speak a word so specific into every single one of your lives today.

So y'all ready for the word or y'all excited for the word?

I love it.

Hey, do me a favor, turn it to someone and just say, man, you look nice.

You look nice, you look nice, and you're never seats.

You look nice, you look nice.

Someone back there is saying to the five people, chill, sir, chill.

Chill, chill, chill, chill, chill, chill.

Yo, I'm so thankful to see every single one of you here today.

God's gonna move, it's gonna be incredible.

Have a question.

How many married people are in the room?

My married people, where you at?

Where you at?

Where you at?

I love it.

I love it.

My single people, where you at?

Throw those hands up.

Keep them up, okay?

Look around.

That's what you're working with.

That's what you're working with.

That's what you're working with.

So it's important to pay attention and be careful where you sit, you know, and then you can walk up to someone and be like, hey your girl, what spur of group are you in?

You know, like I'm just trying to help you out, you know, I'm trying to help you out in this moment.

Last week we started our relationship series called It's Complicated.

How many of you know relationships can be complicated?

They can be so complicated.

But here's what we're learning in this series is that when we do things the world's way, it's complicated.

But when we do it God's way, it becomes uncomplicated.

It becomes incredibly clear.

Now that don't mean easy.

How many of you know doing things God's way is not easy?

It ain't always easy, but when you do it, it becomes clear.

And we've been learning about relationships last week.

We learned about building our foundation and our marriage and our relationships the right way.

We talked about God first and then everyone else.

We learned about some of the lies that we're believing, and more than anything, we ended here.

That so often, so many of us, we are spending our time looking for the right one, and we have to stop looking for the right one, and we have to start becoming the right one.

Can I get a good amen?

This book doesn't say much about finding the right one, but if you look at it for becoming the right person, it's gonna have so much for you in that.

And we've already heard just testimonies of what God is doing.

I believe that in this series there are gonna be some marriages that are gonna be restored.

I believe that's in these series, some single people, yo, you're gonna find someone in Jesus' name.

Someone say, Yes! Jesus! Amen.

Single people, can I get an amen?

Amen.

Amen.

Y'all look like a a amen.

Amen.

Literally, amen.

That's all I want.

Amen.

A amen.

If if I could get if I could get amen and amen and amen.

And a man and a man is all I want.

Well, good news for you because today what we're doing is I'm doing something unique because today I am talking straight to the men.

Let's go.

Let's go.

So so so so so wives, spouses, I need to sit you up.

If you aren't historically an amener, this is not the week for you to become an amener.

You're like, yes, Brad, tell him, tell him, don't do that.

Okay, don't don't do that.

And men, next week we're gonna be talking straight to the girls.

So you become an amener today, and then next week you can be like amen when you're like, okay, you need to do that.

Okay, that's what we gotta do.

Okay.

I'm just teasing, I'm teasing, I'm teasing.

Don't do that, don't do that.

Girls, this is why that's important.

You cannot nag your husband into his destiny.

You cannot nag him into your destiny.

What you need to do is you need to encourage him, you need to challenge him.

So, men, today, my goal is to challenge you, my goal is to encourage you, my goal is to push you into your destiny.

And ladies, this is not the week to check out because as we're looking at at standards that we need to live up to for men, what this is doing is it's giving you standards that you need to look for.

Okay, so I need you to clock in, and if you're married, these are standards that you can pray for your husband to be able to step into.

So, what we're doing is as we start, it's complicated, we are going all the way back to the beginning, Genesis 2.

If you have your Bibles, go all the way back to Genesis 2, where everything got so complicated.

How many of you know relationships are just more complicated today than they used to be?

Oh, yeah, they used to be so simple.

So so I was talking to a single girl in our church a couple weeks back, and I said to her, I was like, Oh, there's this guy that you like, and she's like, Yeah, yeah, yeah, we like.

And I'm like, that's amazing.

I'm like, are you going on dates?

And she's like, Yeah.

And I was like, so does that mean you're dating?

And she's like, no.

And I was like, wait, what?

And I was like, well, you like each other?

Yeah.

And I was like, but are you in a relationship?

No.

And I'm like, I don't understand.

Back in my day, it just was easier.

You know, we didn't have these situationships.

You know, you didn't have to DTR.

What is that?

Define the relationship.

You didn't need to do that.

Like if you were going on dates, you were dating.

It was super easy.

You know, you just had to ask.

And it's crazy.

I told y'all last week I grew up in a church, which means you had to have church call game.

Church goal game is different than other girl game.

It's just totally different.

I told y'all what I said last week.

Another thing you can do is you can just take your Bible to a starts with the Bible and just walk up to a girl and you're like, hey yo girl, I was reading about the book of Jericho, the the the laws of Jericho, and I just had a question that if I marched around you seven times, would you fall for me?

Golden.

Just straight golden.

She's like, oh my gosh, he knows the Bible and he's funny.

Yes.

Like it's just it's all it's all it took back in the it definitely did not take that back in the day.

How many of you know that that is true?

If you're a church kid, you know that never worked.

That got you a slap, is what that got you.

We're going back because we think this generation is where it got complicated.

No, it got complicated all the way in the beginning.

Genesis 2.

What I first want to talk to you about is God's design.

Say design.

I want to show you men, God's original design for relationships.

I'm gonna show you how sin distorted that, but how God can get us back to that.

Genesis 2, verse 7, it says this Then the Lord God formed the man from the dust of the ground and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life, and the man became a living being.

Genesis 2:7

Now the Lord God planted a garden in the east in Eden, and there he put the man that he had formed.

Verse 15.

The Lord God took the man and put him in the garden of Eden to work it and take care of it.

And then the Lord God commanded the man, you are free to eat out of any tree, but you must not eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil.

For when you eat of that, you will certainly die.

Okay, ladies in the room, if you're looking for a guy, I need you to pay attention to this because I want you to notice this.

Before Eve ever came into the picture, God gave Adam a couple of things.

Here's what he gave him: a work to produce, a place to protect, and a word to preserve.

Before she ever came into the picture, a work to produce, a place to protect, and a word to preserve.

First thing, God gave him a work to produce.

Verse 15.

God put him in the garden to work it.

Say work.

Work, it means to serve, to cultivate, to labor.

Men were literally created to work.

We were created to work.

Some people think work is a result of the fall.

No, work was there before the fall.

Not only was it there before the fall, work is in heaven.

We will work in heaven.

If you like work, you're like, that's a great thing.

I thought heaven was a never-ending church service.

No, there's actually work in heaven.

You can read it in Revelation 22:3.

Revelation 22:3

It's there.

Why is that so important?

Because men, you need to understand this and girls, you need to understand this.

Find me a man who is not working, and I'll show you a man who is wasting away.

We are literally designed to work.

That is what God has put inside of us.

Not only were we designed to work, the second thing is God gave him this a place to protect.

Verse 15.

He put him in the garden and he said, Work it and take care of it.

That means to watch over to God to protect.

This was before the serpent even came.

So, girls, my question for guys is this how are you protecting what God has given you?

How are you protecting your eyes and your ears and your mind and your heart?

Because if he can't protect himself, how will he protect you?

Third thing is this God gave him a word to preserve.

He says, He commanded the man, you are free, but do not eat out of that tree.

He commanded the man before a companion, he got a commandment.

Before a woman, he got a word.

Some of y'all are like, I just want a girl.

And God is like, chill out, boo-boo.

First, what I'm gonna do is let's start with my word first.

That's what I'm gonna give you.

Word first.

That was the order.

Production, protection, preservation.

Production, protection, preservation.

So, girls, take out your notebooks.

I'm gonna give you a list because some of you are looking for your list, and he needs to have this hair, and you know, he's got these eyes, and he needs to be six foot five, and all of these different things.

I'm gonna give you a list.

Okay, first thing you need to write down.

Here's the first question you need to ask is this when it comes to guys.

Is he producing?

Is he serving?

Is he cultivating?

Proverbs 29:18 says this where there is no prophetic vision, the people cast off restraint, they run wild, they let loose, and some of y'all you're like, that's it, that's why I want to let loose my hands on you, because I'm so frustrated with you.

Proverbs 29:18

I want to strengthen because you're not working, you don't have a vision.

I need you to have a vision.

We have to have a vision, men.

That's why I say if you do not know what God has called you to, go through the growth track.

Start figuring out this is why I'm on earth, this is how God wants me to serve and watch everything begin to change.

How will you ever have her follow you if you do not know where you are going?

Is he producing?

And once you have a vision, you will enter into a small minority, minority of men who know where they're going.

And girls find that very attractive.

Girls, back me up.

Find that very attractive.

That's what you need.

Second thing, girls, I want you to write this down.

Is will he protect?

Is he guarding his life?

What does he allow in?

Is he protecting his eyes?

Is he protecting his ears?

How does he take care of everything that is around him now?

How does he talk about his parents?

How does he talk about his ex?

Is he protecting his?

How does he talk about his ex?

It's so funny because guys, we get we get we're like, I'm a man's man.

Like I just protect things.

I've got a gun, I'm like, it's gonna be amazing.

No one come into my house.

And we are we are so concerned with protecting people from the men out there.

How about we also work on protecting them from the man inside here?

Because we'll work on that, but we won't work on our anger, we won't work on the fact that we're frustrated, we won't work on the way that we talk, but we're like, no, I can protect you.

No, the safest place she needs to be is right next to you, not protecting herself from you.

Okay, is he protecting himself, you?

Final thing is this is he under the word?

Like I said, girls, you can have a list.

The hair, the eyes, you know, the biceps, the triceps, the abs.

All the different I know y'all got lists, y'all got lists on lists on this, on lists, and your lists have lists.

It's crazy.

But let me give you a picture of what you really need.

You're like, okay, I want him to have ads, abs, but no girl, here's a question: is he under the word?

Let me give you a picture.

This is what you're looking for right here.

That's what you're looking for in a man.

Cement this into your brain.

This is what I need you to have.

You see, because you're going on dates and you've been on three dates with him, and he has not even brought up Jesus.

If you're excited about something, you talk about something.

So if he ain't talking about something, he's not under the word.

Oh, he's so frustrated because you won't sleep with him.

Yeah, he's not under the word.

Oh, he's coming to church now, now that he's dating you, he's become he is not under the this is what you need.

This is what you're looking for.

Why?

You can throw away your list because if you have this, if he is under the word, I want you to watch what the Bible says about men.

It says this men, if you have this, he needs to honor you, he needs to lay down his life for you, he needs to prefer you, nourish you, cherish you, provide for you, serve you, got his eyes for you, delight in you, be faithful to you, forgive you, not be harsh with you, bring you joy, speak life over you.

You do not find that kind of man in a bar, you find him at the altar of a church, running after God with everything he has inside of him.

This is what you need more than anything.

This is what you need.

Men, if you want to be boys, be born.

If you want to be a man, we get under the word of God.

Husbands, if you're leading your family and they have a question about the Bible, don't say, go ask the pastor, go ask Brad.

Say, no, no, no, I'm gonna search and I'm gonna dig into the word.

Why?

Because I lead my family spiritually.

Husbands, that's what we are called to.

Single guys, before Eve, before the relationship, God gave him responsibility.

Find a job, guard your life, come under his word, because getting a girl will not fix you, it will just give you someone else to disappoint if you haven't fixed that first.

If you're single, you are not in a waiting room, you are in a wait room, and God is developing you, and you are being built, and he is producing the thing in you that you need to finally be able to lead the relationship he wants you to lead.

We have to see it that way.

So, ladies, if he ain't got no job, he's not guarding his life, and he has no word, he doesn't need a wife, he needs a season with God.

Can I get a good amen?

So I want you to watch this.

Still in the design, he gave him work to produce, place to protect, a word to preserve, and it says this, then say then.

Only then does Eve enter into the picture.

Genesis 2.18.

Then the Lord God said, It is not good for man to be alone, and all the men said, A good amen.

I love that verse, I agree with that verse.

I will make a helper suitable to him.

Verse 21, it says this.

So the Lord God caused the man to fall asleep.

I love this.

And while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and closed that place up with flesh.

And then the Lord God made, say made, he made a woman from the rib he had taken out of man and he brought her to the man.

I love this.

Every time God creates, he speaks into existence.

When he creates man, he changes his pattern.

He goes into the dust and he forms man.

But when he creates woman, he he breaks his pattern again and he doesn't form her.

The word is he built her.

He builds her.

Men are shaped and formed, but girls are architected.

How's that for a pickup line?

Literally, that's the picture.

They are architected, they were created to complement man.

And girls, I want you to notice this is that she wasn't created from his head that she can rule over him.

She also wasn't created from his feet that she can be walked over.

He was created, she was created from his side.

That she can be beside him, under his arm, that he can protect her, next to his heart, that he can love her.

That's the picture.

That from his side is significant.

That is exactly what is happening.

And then the man says, Now this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, and she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of man.

There's so much significance in that.

The Bible, girls, I need you to know this.

The Bible has always taken man and taken woman and put them equal.

They are of equal value.

This is not the toxic Roman culture back in the day with toxic masculinity where girls are degraded.

This is also not our modern culture of toxic femininity where men are degraded.

And every movie you watch, the dude is on a couch doing nothing, completely passive, doesn't parent his kids.

No, that isn't the picture of the Bible either.

No, no, no.

We are equal in value, we are equal in worth.

That has always been the picture.

But there is leadership.

There is leadership.

Okay, I'm gonna show this to you because men, what we can do is we can be like, I'm the man.

You listen to me.

Make me a sandwich.

And we read these Bible verses.

Like, I've heard this, I've heard dudes do this.

First Corinthians 11:7.

1 Corinthians 11:7

Man is made in God's image and reflect God's glory, and woman reflects man's glory.

For the first man did not come from woman, but the first woman came from man.

And man was not made for woman, but woman was made for man.

And people are like, see, you were made for me, I rule you, I do.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But keep reading.

Because in verse 11 it says this but among the Lord's people, women are not independent of men, and men are not independent of woman.

For although the first woman came from man, every other man was born from a woman, and everything comes from God.

What is that?

Balance! Balance, you just gotta keep reading.

You keep reading, and all of a sudden you're like, oh my gosh, that makes so much sense, that makes so much.

You need to know this that there is equality when it comes to men and women, but there is leadership.

So, ladies, I need you to know this.

I need you to find a man who is producing, who is protecting, who is practicing the word, and I need you to find that man, and then I need you to let that man lead you.

Oh my gosh, I'm so thankful you said amen.

Previous service looked like I shot them.

They were like, What?

Find a man and let him lead you.

You're like, but I'll never follow him.

Then he's not the man for you.

You're like, I don't trust him, I don't want to follow him, I don't know how he's gonna lead me.

Then he's not the man for you.

Girls, you need to find a man that you are willing to follow.

Men, you need to become the man worthy of being followed.

That's what we have to do.

Dad, when your daughter is born, you are to love, protect, guide, lead her.

And then you give her to a husband whose job becomes to protect, love, guide, lead her.

That's the picture in the Bible.

224 says this this explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united in one.

There is equality, but there is leadership, there is headship.

What does that mean?

You look at the Trinity, the Trinity, God the Father, Jesus, they're equal, but Jesus submits to the Father.

Equality but headship.

It's the same way in a marriage, there is equality, but there is also headship.

So even when Paige and I are making decisions together, I can come to a place where I'm like, babe, we're gonna do this.

And she's like, I think that's a bad idea.

And the Holy Spirit talks to her, and I pay attention.

I pay attention to what she's saying, and I'm like, man, we're not aligned on this, I don't want to move forward, but I made that decision.

And then there's times that she'll say, I don't know about this.

And I'm like, babe, I've been praying about this, and I really feel like this is what we need to do.

And she'll say, Okay, I'll follow you.

And if it goes bad, it's my fault.

Why?

Because I'm the leader and I made the decision.

That's what it's supposed to look like.

Leadership, headship within a marriage.

I'll read it slowly to you straight from scripture.

Ephesians 5, 21 says this.

And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Now he's gonna show what that looks like.

For wives, that means submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

Are we good?

Okay, praise God.

Submit to your husbands as unto the Lord.

Okay, people get so defensive about that word.

Literally, what submission means, sub means under, mission is miss your mission, and what it's saying is I'm coming under your mission.

Amen.

That's why you need to have a vision for your life, because what your wife is saying is I'm coming under what God is telling you to do.

That's the entire picture.

It's not as bad as we make it seem to be.

Submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

For a husband is head of the wife as Christ is head of the church.

He is the savior of the body of the church, and the church submits to Christ, so wives should submit to their husbands in the things that they agree on.

That's all you wanted to say, I know.

It doesn't say that, it says you submit to your husbands in everything.

And again, if that if there's any defense there, I haven't said anything, I just read the Bible.

Read the Bible.

But it continues for husbands, okay?

This is what we need to do.

This means love your wives just as Christ loved the church.

He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean by the washing of his word.

Man, you need to know this.

You become really easy to submit to when you lay your life down for your spouse.

Like it's really easy to follow you when you're doing the dishes and you're willing to wake up the kids, and you're willing to love and serve and work and fill up her car with gas and read the Bible and take out the trash and be like, no, those are pink chores.

Nah, they're all blue.

You're the leader of the home, they're all blue.

You become so easy to submit to when you lay your life down.

That's what he says.

He did this to present to himself as a glorious church without spot or wrinkle or blemish.

Instead, she will be holy and without fault, in the same way husbands love your wives the way that you love your own body.

For a man who loves bless you, for a man who loves his wife, actually shows the love for himself.

No one hates his own body but feeds it and cares for it.

You see this picture, this isn't chauvinistic.

And we are members of his body, as the scriptures say, it takes us back to Genesis.

A man will leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two will be united as one.

That was God's intention from the beginning.

That was his original design.

The problem is then distortion, sin came in.

Say distortion.

Let me show you the distortion.

And men, I'm I'm um, we're we're about to go in, okay?

Y'all can hang with me for a bit, like we're about to go in.

I want you to know this.

Everything that I'm about to explain is a distortion that sin has brought.

And if this relates to you, if you feel any of this, let me just say this Jesus gives you a way out.

So, what I'm about to read here, this doesn't have to be your story.

You can rare rise above this.

Okay, this is what it says, Genesis 3, verse 1.

Genesis 3:1

The serpent was the shrewdest of the wild animals the Lord God had made.

And one day he asked the woman, Did God really say you must not eat from any tree?

I want you to watch this.

He doesn't talk to the man, he talks to the woman.

Why?

He immediately is starting to undermine exactly what God had put into practice.

Verse 6 it says, The woman was convinced, she saw the tree, it was beautiful, it looked delicious, she wanted the wisdom it would give her.

So she took it and she ate it, and then she gave some to her husband who was with her.

She wasn't like Adam, and he's like off in the corner eating a pear.

He was with her the entire time.

He was right next to her, and you start seeing the traps that he fell into that we so often fall into.

The first thing was this Adam was with her and he was silent.

He said nothing, he did nothing, he was silent.

The serpent talked to Eve, but you must remember God gave the responsibility to Adam to protect.

So you have a snake talking to your wife, and you say nothing.

You hear something that's false, but you say nothing.

Men, we need to not be silent, we need to speak up.

We set the temperatures in our homes.

So we get to say we don't do this, we do not watch that, we do not talk like that, we do not listen like that, we do not act like that.

But we also get to say, This is what we do do we love God, we love people, we go to Church, we pray, we read the Bible, we're generous.

That's who God has called us to be.

And the challenge is so often, whenever you look at movies and in so many relationships, men are the silent partner.

And then the challenge with that is girls step up and they start leading, and then we start resenting them for stepping into a place that we abdicated.

Girls, I need you to know this because so often you'll see in the Bible, God didn't hold Eve accountable for stepping up.

Who did he hold accountable first?

Adam.

Why?

Because he was there and he had to lead.

There's so many places in the Bible where girls step up.

And every time girls step up, the Bible doesn't reprimand girls for stepping up, it reprimands the men for not doing anything.

So so often we get so mad when our spouses step and start taking leadership.

And girls, if you're following a strong man, you do need to know you can't just usurp and try to do it.

There is something to that.

But so often we get so frustrated that they're leading.

Meanwhile, we are sitting here and we are absolutely silent.

The solution when you look at people like Deborah and Abigail and Esther and Ruth, the solution isn't to have this narrative that we sometimes have in the church where we say to girls, get weaker, the solution is this men get stronger.

We need to get stronger.

And ladies, for every single one of you who's picked up weight, it was never yours to carry.

The tragedy isn't that you picked it up, it's that you had to.

And let me just say this: I'm sorry.

I don't stand here as someone who judged.

I stand here, I apologize to Paige on the first service.

I stand up here as someone that so often can be silent as well.

And it's my job to step up, it's my job to lead.

Second thing that he did is he hid.

He hid.

Genesis 3, verse 7 says this at this moment their eyes were open and they sewed fig leaves together to cover themselves.

Genesis 3:7

When the cool evening was bro was blowing, they saw, they saw God walking, and what they did is they hid from the Lord.

Then the Lord called the man, where are you?

And he said, I heard you walking in the garden, so I hid.

I want you to notice.

His first act wasn't repentance, it was concealment.

He didn't run to God, he ran from God.

He didn't bring it into the light, he went into the darkness.

And men, I have to ask you today, what fig leaves are you concocting because you want to try to hide what's happening in your life?

What leaves do you have?

For some of us, it's that browser history that we keep clearing.

It's that second account, it's the number of drinks that we said we drank versus did.

It's the debt she doesn't know about, it's the nervousness you feel anytime she picks up your phone.

The conversation that you had at work, the thing that we said we would deal with when we were young, but we're not dealing with it.

And I think I would be amiss to come into a service like this and be silent on what I think is the number one thing that destroys relationships.

And I don't want to be Adam and be completely silent on this thing, and that's pornography.

Because I think more than anything, that's the thing that so often men we want to hide.

And let me just encourage you, if that's something that you're facing, bring it into the light.

Bring it into the light.

Andy Stanley says this, and I think it's so helpful.

He says, when you're looking at porn, people are like, What's the big deal?

When you're looking at porn, here's what you need to know: you're in school.

There is a curriculum that is fed to us every single day, and this is what that curriculum says: a real body isn't good enough, one body isn't good enough, and her body isn't good enough.

A real body isn't good enough, one body isn't good enough, and her body isn't good enough.

Stimulus, response, and reward every single day that is drummed into your head.

A real body isn't good enough, one body isn't good enough, her body isn't good enough.

It changes your brain.

And we're like, who is it hurting?

Everyone.

Like it hurts our spouse because it doesn't build desire, it destroys it.

It hurts you because literally your brain is changing neurologically every single day.

Girls start to become objects, you can't even have a normal conversation.

Not only does it hurt your wife, not only does it hurt you, it hurts the person on the other side of that screen.

And you're like, Brad, what do you mean?

This is absolutely harmless.

No, have you have you researched what happens in the sex industry, the drugs that happen, the suicide rates that happen, the mental struggles that happen?

And there is an industry that is being propped up that would ultimately be destroyed if it had no customers.

It doesn't hurt anyone.

No, it hurts a whole lot of people.

And I've told y'all, man, I'm not standing up here as someone that's like, man, I've got this all waxed.

No, I got exposed to pornography at a really young age.

I told y'all this a couple months back.

And I wish I was the kind of man that said it never came into my marriage.

You know, when we first got married, there was a couple times that it came in, but what I did immediately, I'm I'm not perfect, but I stand up here a man who is repentant and healed.

But what I did immediately is I ran to Paige and I said, I'm bringing this out in the light.

And what I love is she didn't judge me.

She didn't say you're the worst, you're the scum of the earth.

No, she said, I love you.

I love you.

Men, bring it out into the light.

Join a men's group, bring it out into the light.

Tell your spouse.

I think sometimes we'll tell a men's group and it feels safety.

It feels like safety because everyone's kind of like struggling with it and whatnot.

Let me just tell you, sometimes the best thing you can do is tell your spouse.

Tell your spouse.

Watch watch accountability when you're like, okay, we're gonna figure this out together.

Join a group.

The third thing he did is he blamed.

Genesis 3 verse 11.

Genesis 3:11

God said, Who told you you were naked?

Who told you you were naked?

The Lord God asked, Have you eaten from the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat?

And the man says this, God, it was the woman you gave me.

I love that.

God asks him a yes or no question.

Did you eat?

And he's like, No, God, it was the woman you gave me.

He's like, I'm just going two for two.

He's like, in this, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, go, go, go.

It was the woman you gave me, and we still do that.

If she would just, if my dad hadn't, if my work would only see me, if my boss saw me, if I had a different wife, and everything is everyone else's fault.

The challenge is when everything is everyone else's fault, you lose your agency to make a difference.

So I changed my habits, I've changed the way that I talk.

I can be a victim, everyone can be a victim, but instead of saying my wife won't, I've changed it to I have not led my wife to.

My boss won't see me.

No, I haven't led myself in such a way that my boss sees me.

Now all of a sudden I went from being helpless to I can do this.

I can change.

So often in our language we disempower ourselves.

But what God has called us to do is He's called us to take responsibility.

Manhood begins when we stop waiting for someone else to take responsibility.

He blamed.

Men, we don't have to do that.

We can take responsibility.

The final thing is this is that man struggles with work.

I want you to watch this, Genesis 3.17.

And the and the and the man said, he said to the man, Since you have listened to your wife, in other words, this is on you, boo-boo.

That's what God's saying.

Since you listened to your wife, and you ate of the tree whose fruit I commanded you not to eat, the ground is cursed because of you.

All your life you will struggle to scratch a living from it.

It will grow thorns and thistles, and you will eat of its grain.

By the sweat of your brow you will have food to eat, and you will return to the ground from which you were made.

We struggle with work.

It doesn't say work was punishment, it doesn't say work was too much.

It says this the ground will fight back.

The ground will fight back.

Before in Genesis 2, work was good.

In Genesis 3, it became hard.

And there's two reactions as men when it comes to something that is hard.

The first reaction is this we push harder.

We go more into it, more hours, more hustle, more side work, and we say, babe, in one year it'll be better.

It'll be different next vacation.

I I know it'll be different, it'll be different, it'll be different.

And we just keep going in and we blame and we justify.

We're like, our kids want a bigger house.

Our kids don't want a bigger house.

They want you to be in the house that you're in.

They want you to be present in the house that you're in.

But we're working a hundred hours because we're fighting with the thorns.

That's one reaction.

The second reaction is this we quit.

We sit on the couch, we recline.

We're like the thorns isn't worth it.

And then we start abdicating.

I want you to notice this the workaholic and the man who is on the couch are not two different problems.

It's the same curse with two different symptoms.

Same curse with two different symptoms.

One person is trying to beat the thorns, and the other person has surrendered to them.

Same thing, different symptoms.

And God has done it that we can't be prideful.

The man working a hundred hours neglecting his family can't feel superior to the man playing Xbox neglecting his family.

Man, Jesus has given us a way to step out of this.

We don't have to hide, we don't have to blame.

We can have balance, we can rest.

So the final thing.

As we close, I want to talk about Christ's redemption because here's the good news is that we don't have to do it this way.

Can I get a good amen?

Christ literally has come.

We don't have to follow into the footsteps of our great grandfather Adam.

We can follow in the footsteps of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ.

Literally says that in the Bible, Romans 5.19.

For just as through disobedience one man was made many sinners, so also through the obedience of one man, one may be made righteous.

The many may be made righteous.

Jesus made us righteous.

What does that mean?

Is he gave us as we as we make him Lord, he gives us a new heart through the Holy Spirit, and we start becoming sanctified and we start looking more and more like him.

So we can step into what God designed, which is this 1 Corinthians 16, 13.

Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, and act like men.

Be strong.

And verse 14 tells us how.

Let all that you do be done in love.

Verse 14 is not optional.

We love verse 13 though.

Like we'll preach it at men's conference.

Be strong, act like men.

Like I'm gonna go buy a truck and act like a man.

Yeah, I'm gonna go hunt.

Like we do that.

But how do we be like men?

No, verse 14 tells us you have to do everything in love.

And you're like, what is love?

Here's what love is.

This is what being a man looks like.

Some of you have a picture of what a man looks like, and it was handed to you by your dad.

Let me let me just show you what a man looks like.

We do things in love.

What is love?

First Corinthians 13:4, he continues love is patient and it is kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not arrogant, it is not rude, it does not insist on its own way, it does not insist on its own way.

1 Corinthians 13:4

We're doing it my way, my way or the high way.

No, it does not insist on its own way, it is not irritable or resentful, it does not rejoice at wrongdoing, it rejoices in the truth, it bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.

That's the picture.

That's what God is calling us to do, as men.

That's where He's wanting us to step into.

1 Corinthians 13, 11 says this.

When I was a child, I talked like a child and I thought like a child and I reasoned like a child.

He's just continuing this thought.

Continuing this thought, and we need to take the childish pictures out of our minds that were given to us by Disney, that relationships are always gonna be easy, and you know, when I find the right person, everything's gonna be fine and it's gonna be perfect, and love isn't hard and it's a feeling and not a choice.

No, we have to surrender those things, and what we have to do is do the next part.

When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.

So, men, what do we do?

Here's what I want you to do: we honor our wives, we honor our wives.

1 Peter 3:7.

1 Peter 3:7

Husbands, in the same way, be considerate as you live with your wives and treat them with respect as the weaker partner and as heirs with you of the gracious gift of life, so nothing will hinder your prayers.

Some of you are wondering why heaven is silent, and Peter is saying you need to check where your honor is.

You feel like heaven is silent, but we're not honoring our wives.

So, how do you speak to her?

How do you speak about her?

How are you talking to her when you're playing golf?

Talking about her when you're playing golf.

Because the way that you talk to your friends about her teaches them how to think about her.

How do you think about her when she's not in the room?

Here's another one.

How do you treat her when you want nothing from her?

Some of us men were very kind at 9 p.m.

It's okay, you can laugh.

And then we wonder, like, oh wait, why isn't this working?

How do you treat her when you want nothing from her?

We honor our wives, we lay down our lives.

Ephesians 5 25.

Husbands love your wife just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

What this looks like here, hidship, looks like crucifixion.

It's not come over, it's lay under.

People are like, I'll die for her, I'll take a bullet for her, I'll lay down my life for her.

Great.

Will you wash the dishes for her?

No, I'll take a bullet for her, though.

It's like I'll take a bullet, but I ain't gonna take out the trash.

I'll do many things, but no, no, no, will you lay down your life for her?

Not in that one moment, but in every moment.

Do we serve?

That's what Jesus did.

He earned respect not by demanding it, by becoming under.

He said, All authority has been given to me.

And then what he does is he washes his disciples' feet.

That's what it looks like.

Godly men, we lead our homes.

Joshua 24:15.

Joshua 24:15

If serving the Lord seems undesirable for you, that's okay, but as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord.

That's what we do.

Final thing is this we provide for our home.

First Timothy 5 verse 8.

1 Timothy 5:8

Anyone who does not provide for their relatives and especially those in their own household has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever.

That is not a command saying girls don't work, that it's also not a command, men saying that you your wives can't earn more than you.

That happens, that's a blessing.

Praise God.

Just take it, just take it.

But it does say this that you are responsible.

Responsibility rests on you.

And men, every single one of you, what I'm encouraging you with here today is we do not need to be like Adam, but we can step into the feet of Jesus because when Adam was silent, Jesus spoke.

Where Adam hid, Jesus stepped out, and where Adam gave the blame, Jesus took the blame.

We can be like Jesus.

So, man, I want to encourage every single one of you here today.

I want you to take a second and just ask the Holy Spirit.

Holy Spirit, what are you saying?

What is it that I need to work on here today?

Holy Spirit, where are you wanting to heal?

Where are you wanting to change?

What is it that I'm hiding?

Where am I blaming?

Where am I silent?

Where am I working too much?

Where am I working too little?

Well God, I pray that you'll show.

Just ask him.

And then my encouragement is this have a conversation with your spouse later and say, Hey, this is what's going on.

Single guys, talk to another dude and say, Hey, this is what's going on.

While you continue praying, I know that there may be some people here, and the thing that you need more than anything else is to give your life to Jesus because you don't have an you don't even have that foundation.

If that's you, we want to give you an opportunity to follow the man that changed the game, the man that did it all, the manliest man who ever lived, but the man who loved more than any other man who has ever lived.

And he loves you so much that even in your mistakes, in your sin, Jesus went to a cross for you.

You were supposed to go to that cross, but he went on your behalf.

And the Bible says that if you believe in him, if you declare that he's Lord, you believe that he was raised from the dead, you will be saved.

So we're gonna pray a prayer, and I want all of us to pray it for the benefit of those praying it for the first time, but just repeat off to me.

Say, dear Jesus, I believe that you're the set the savior of the world, that you're the son of God.

I pray that you'll come to me.

Come to my heart, change me from the inside out.

I'll make you my Lord, I make you my savior.

Change me in Jesus' name.

In Jesus' name, with every head bowed and eyes closed.

If you're here today and you pray that for the first time, I'm gonna ask you to do something bold on the kind of three.

I just want you to wave at me.

Say, Brad, that's me.

Love to celebrate with you.

Here we go.

One, two, three.

No one looking around.

Thank you, sir.

I see that.

Thank you.

That's bold.

I love that.

Thank you.

I love that.

I love that.

Hey, Church, can you do me a favor?

Can you put your hands together?

Come on for everyone to say that.

We love you, church.

And if you just said yes to Jesus, let me just say that is the best decision you could ever make.

And you do have a next step.

We would love for you to let us know and do that by texting the keyword Jesus to 480-485-3405.

We want you to let us know.

And we have a resource that we would love to get in your hands.

It's called You Said Yes.

And it's a 21-day devotional so that you don't have to start this journey with Jesus alone.

And if this ministry has impacted you in any way that you're watching, we would love to ask you to pray about two simple things.

First, pray about sharing this with someone.

You just never know how much a simple share could impact someone around you.

And two, we would love for you to pray about partnering with us financially.

And you never know how much your giving makes this possible for people just like you and all around the world to want to say thank you for the way that you give.

And if you want to do that today, you can head to spiritchurch.co forward slash give.

Well, we love you, church, and we can't wait to see you right back here next week.

And because remember with God, there is more.