How to Be a Godly Woman | Brad Straarup

Hey, do me a favor, turn to someone next to you and say, I'm glad I'm sitting next to you.

Come on, I'm glad I'm sitting next to you.

I'm glad I'm sitting next to you.

You're married, they just gave you some brownie points.

I'm glad I'm sitting next to you.

Man, I'm so thankful to see everything that God has been doing throughout the series and everything that I know he's gonna continue to do and a lot of new faces.

And let me just say this if you're new here for the first time, we're so thankful that you're here.

If we've never met before, my name is Brad, and alongside my wife, we have the honor of leading Spirit Church.

Come on, church, can we put our hands together for everyone here for the first time?

We're so grateful that you're here.

And uh I love knowing who's in the room, where all my married people at?

Married people, where you at?

Where you at?

Where you at?

What's up?

What's up?

We're coming in strong.

Single people, where you at?

Wave your hands, wave your hands in the air, like you just do care.

Come on, like you just do care.

Y'all take a look.

Okay, that's what you're working with, you're working with in the series and trying to help you out.

I told y'all.

Uh hey, fun announcement real quick.

We're gonna be ending this series in a couple of weeks, and when we do, we're gonna be ending it with a hot topics Sunday.

How about that?

So, Paige and I are gonna be here on the stage, and you can actually submit your questions right now.

You can tap the disc in front of you, and there's a form that you can fill out, and we're gonna be answering those questions, which is gonna be so much fun.

We'll answer the most popular ones, so don't hold back.

If you have a question, ask it, and we're gonna have a good old time.

We're in week three of our series entitled, It's Complicated.

How many of you know relationships can be complicated?

Oh, yeah, they can be so difficult.

And what we're learning is this when you do relationship the world's way, it becomes incredibly complicated.

But when you do it God's way, it becomes incredibly clear.

It's not always easy, but it is fulfilling when you do things God's way.

And last week we talked to the men.

Men, where are you at?

Yeah, you hear that like they're there.

Okay, and what we say, I I've been hearing great reports by the way, from all the ladies saying that husbands, you're stepping up, great job, really proud of you.

But today, but today, but today we are coming for the ladies.

We are coming.

I literally had some girls walk up to me and be like, shoot, I forgot.

Today was the day I was supposed to be sick.

And uh she's like, I was I don't know why I'm here.

Man, I said this last week, but if you're in the room and you're not historically an A-Minner, this is not the week to become an A-Minner.

This is not the week to do a holy cow, y'all know what that is when you just go, mmm, this is not that, this is not the week to start your elbow ministry and say he's talking to you.

No, no, no.

This is the week that you're just like, wow, did you know that was in there?

That's awesome.

Like, just look at the Bible, look down, we'll get through this together.

It's gonna be great.

I'll see you say this.

I'm so thankful for your prayers.

I've had more prayers this week than any other week.

I had people texting me just like, hey man, I'm praying for you.

And I'm like, thank you.

And someone else texts me, hey man, I'm praying for you.

I'm like, I'm like, man, God really laid me on a lot of people's hearts this week.

And then I realized it's because I said I was talking to the ladies.

So everyone's like, I'm I'm praying for you, brother.

So it's gonna be it's gonna be amazing.

But honestly, I've been praying because I want to get this right.

I really do.

You know, I think I think if you've ever gone to a men's night, when often you talk to men, it's like, come on, be a man, step up, you know, get a job, stop looking at porn.

Like it's like, this is what we gotta do.

And then we talk to the ladies and we're like, you're perfect, change nothing, you're a sky full of stars, shine bright like a diamond.

We're like that.

Like anytime we're talking to the ladies, we're like, that's what you want to do.

But I literally had people come up to me in the lobby last week and they're like, You did not go easy on the men, don't go easy on us.

And I and honestly, to be honest with it, it encouraged me so much because I feel like this.

What we care about more than anything is not only finding and and and helping form healthy men of God.

We're here to help form healthy women of God.

Can I get a good amen?

And all of y'all have said this if this is what the Bible has, then I want what the Bible has for me.

So today I'm not scared because I'm not standing here on the authority of being a woman because I have not been a godly woman one day in my life.

Praise God.

But I have a godly wife and I have the authority of scripture.

So what we're doing today is we're standing on this, and I think it's gonna be amazing.

I'll be talking a lot also to the married ladies.

So, single girls, do not check out because one day you're gonna be stepping into this, and then also if you're a man, don't check out.

Because what this is, you're gonna see some standards that God is calling us to lead the people that we are in a relationship with into.

Fear your Bibles, turn to Genesis chapter two.

We're going back to where everything got complicated.

Okay, we wonder when did relationships get complicated?

It's not when TikTok came around, it's not when dating apps came around.

It happened all the way in Genesis chapter two.

So, what I'm gonna do is, ladies, I'm gonna show you God's design for you.

Then I'm gonna show distortion, how sin came in, and then I'm gonna show redemption, how we can go all the way back, just like I did with the guys.

So, first thing we're talking about is God's design.

Say design.

I want to show you God's design for marriage before sin ever entered.

Genesis 1, God creates the heavens and the earth.

Genesis 2, he creates man.

You see a snapshot, and what I said to the guys last week is when God created men, he gave them a work to produce, a place to protect, and a word to preserve.

He said, You can eat out of any tree, but you can't eat out of that tree.

Once he's done that, he creates woman.

So it says this, verse 18.

It says, Then, say then then the Lord God said, It is not good for man to be alone.

And all the men said, A big amen.

I love that verse.

It is not good for a man to be alone.

It says this, I will make a helper who is just right for him.

I'll make a helper who is just right for him.

So he forms ladies, he builds ladies out of the robe, out of the side of man, and he brings them to Adam, and he's like, Adam, what are you gonna call her?

And Adam's like, God, I don't know, but man.

And God's like, Woman, that's it.

Like that's what we're gonna do.

And in that moment, he was named woman.

Like that's how it like y'all didn't know that was in the Bible, that's how it happened.

Just like that.

But God gave him this a work to produce, a place to protect, and a word to preserve.

And girls, this is what he gave you.

He gave you a strength to supply and a stance to take.

A strength to supply and a stance to take before sin ever came.

First thing is this God gave you a strength to supply.

Verse 18, it says this the Lord God said, It is not good for man to be alone.

I will make a helper, say helper.

I will make a helper who is just right for him.

And often when you see that word helper, you're like, that's kind of cute.

You're like, wait, that is that like an assistant word, like a little helper, like a woman is just supposed to be a helper too.

Men, no, no, no, no, no.

That is actually an incredibly powerful word.

The Hebrew word is this, Ezer, and it is literally a word that God uses for himself.

So, men, this is not she's your helper, as in girl, go make me a sandwich.

This is not that.

Clean the house, this is not that.

Okay, that is a great way to get slapped by a woman of God.

That is not what it means.

It is a strong word.

It's a word that God literally uses for himself.

Psalm 33:20, it says this we wait in hope for the Lord, for he is our is there, he is our help and our shield.

Psalms 33:20

Psalm 121, verse 2.

Psalms 121:2

My is there, my help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth.

Exodus 18, 4.

Moses said, The God of my ancestors was my isher, he was my helper.

So, ladies, you are not weak, you're strong.

God created you to be a strength.

This is a military word, this is the deliverance word, and you need to get this.

God did not create woman because men were lonely, he created women because by ourselves we are insufficient to accomplish the assignment God has given us.

Oh no, we're not talking down on you today, we're talking up to you today.

Come on, women of God need to stand up.

God made you to be strong, to come to help us complete what God gave to us.

Not only is God saying it's not good for men to be alone, he's saying it is not good for you to do this alone.

Girls are not a reward for a job well done, they are literally how the job gets done.

That's what God has called you to be.

He's called you to be a helper and a strength.

So girls are like, Okay, but what does that look like?

How can I be a helper?

This is what it means.

It means you come alongside the mission that God has called your husband to and you strengthen him where he's weak.

So the question is this where is he weak?

Because men, we be weak.

There are areas that we be weak.

Okay, so how can you strengthen him in areas that are weak?

Like what?

How can you strengthen him mentally?

Men, we forget.

We forgetful.

I forget where my keys are.

Like I forget every like I'll forget, I'll forget my kids' names.

You know, I'll forget the birthday.

Like, I just forget things.

And my wife is like, Do you remember that thing that you said a month ago?

And I'm like, no, I don't remember what I had for breakfast yesterday.

But she just remembers everything.

Girls, your brains are just like all connected, and like ours isn't.

But you can strengthen us, don't despise us for the moments that we're mentally weak.

No, you're strong.

What does that mean?

It means you can also help him remember things of who God is and what God says when we forget.

You can be a strength mentally, you can be a strength emotionally.

Okay, your husband is weak in his confidence.

Well, you can strengthen that.

I've seen this.

Men can take criticism from their boss when they come home to someone that says, I believe in you.

But show me a man who is criticized at work and a man who has contempt at his home, and I'll show you a man who is wasting away.

Like, man, I feel like I can preach sometimes, and I'm just like, man, I just didn't a good job.

You know, I can be out in the lobby and people are like, Great job, that was great, that's awesome.

And I'm just like, I just did, and I'll go home and my wife was like, Great job, babe.

And I'm like, really?

Like, all of y'all can encourage me.

And I'm like, it doesn't do anything.

But my wife says something, and I'm like, Really?

Like, you can help his confidence.

The things that you say to him at 10 p.m., he is rehearsing at 6 a.m.

Now, all we do is encourage ourselves in the Lord.

Absolutely, but girls, you can come and you can bring a strength emotionally, you can strengthen him physically.

What does that mean?

You fight beside him, you do not fight him.

Yeah?

You fight beside him.

That doesn't mean you fight for him, you fight the battles he should be fighting.

That's not what I'm saying.

It also doesn't mean that you fight against him.

No, but you can strengthen him physically by fighting beside him.

You can strengthen him emotionally, physically, mentally.

You can strengthen him wives sexually.

All the men just kind of like, I just watched this.

They were like, oh, so like I'm glad I'm glad I'm came to service today.

Like y'all never took notes in church a day in your life, but you're like, that's good, I'm writing that down.

Like, that's that's really, that's really good, you know.

We'll talk more about sex in the upcoming weeks, but I think this is important to understand.

I said this to the single people a couple weeks back.

I said, you know, sex isn't a need.

You know, food is, and water is, and you can go your entire life not having sex, and you can still accomplish the will of God for your life.

Can I get a good amen?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But when you get married, it's actually interesting because the Bible says that sexual intimacy in marriage is actually a need.

First Corinthians 7 verse 3, it says this the husband should fulfill his wife's sexual needs.

1 Corinthians 7:3

And the men said, A good.

Amen.

And the wife should fulfill her husband's need.

The wife gives authority over her body to her husband, and the husband gives authority over his body to his wife.

Wives, I need you to know this.

Husbands need sex, and they need it so bad that they don't even understand why they need it.

Like, they don't even they don't even under we don't understand how it works.

It just works.

Like it's crazy, like we can't even figure it out.

Like, we do not know it all happened at puberty.

We do not know how it happens.

We're like, how is this?

Before puberty, you're around girls, and you're like, ew.

And then after puberty, you're like, hmm.

Like, how does that happen?

You're like, how the day before I wanted to push you, and now I just want to hold you.

I just want you in my arms.

Like, I don't understand, like, we do not understand how it happens.

All we know is that it happens.

Like, like, wives are getting dressed in the morning and you're like, your hair isn't done, your teeth isn't brushed, but your husband's like, he's like, This is the greatest thing I've ever seen in my life.

Okay, how does that work?

I don't know.

But I know this, when we when we get married, okay, when men get married, girls, I'm gonna let you in on some some some dude things happening in our brain.

Like when we get married, we're like, they're like, are you forsaking all others?

And we're like, yes.

We're like, I'm I'm forsaking three billion girls, and we're like, girl, you're about to get all of me.

It's just what we're doing.

We're like, yo, you're about to get all, like, like, like any sexual energy, like you're about to get, you're you're about to get all of it like it's gonna be amazing, it's gonna be that.

And then we get married, and we are shocked to find out that at the altar, you weren't thinking the same thing.

We're like, you mean you weren't just this is one this isn't what you were thinking about the entire time?

You mean you were just thinking about getting a dog?

Like you were thinking about like snuggling on the couch and like watching the movie.

Like, that's what you were thinking of?

We were just like, no, no, no, I'm sure this is what and we're like, wait, you you can go weeks?

You can go dead.

That happens?

Like, we don't understand why.

Am I saying all of these things?

Because God created men that way, and if you don't understand that, you will demonize God's design.

Wow, you can demonize God's design.

So men are dreaming about all these things, and then they step into a marriage, and that marriage then becomes sexless, and then they're like, they're at work and someone's flirting with them.

And am I saying that it's up to you to bring self-control to your husband?

Absolutely not.

Men, I talked to y'all last week, I hit y'all in the face for this reason.

No, we are self-controlled, we lead in everything.

But wives, I am saying this: it is possible to starve your husband and then send him to the grocery store.

And husbands, you can do the same thing.

Because she needs admiration and encouragement and non-sexual touch and all of those things, and you need to make sure that you're not starving her of those things and sending her out, and she's getting that from someone else.

Does that make sense?

Is that okay?

We have to understand that we can strengthen each other when you're weak.

So, wives, what God has created you to do is He's helped, He's created you to be a strength.

The second thing He created you to do is take a stance.

There is a stance that you can take.

Verse 18 says this the Lord said, It is not good for man to be alone.

I will make a helper, and here's a word, who is just right for him.

That word there is conegdo, conegdo, a helper who is just right for him.

And many translations try to translate it in different ways.

I'll make a helper suitable to him, or I'll make a helper who is fit for him.

But literally, if you can get this, it is gonna help you so much.

He says, Wives, I'm gonna make you a helper connecto.

Connecto.

Here's what this means.

Literally, what this means.

It's the qualifier of what kind of help?

It means corresponding to him, face to face with him, and literally it means like his opposite.

I'm gonna make a helper connecto.

I'm gonna make a helper who is literally opposite of him.

And we get so mad that we're opposite.

But God is saying, no, no, no, I created you opposite physically, but I also created you opposite emotionally.

What do women want more than anything?

Love.

What do men want more than anything?

Respect.

And we don't love unless we get respect, and you don't respect unless they're love, and it's this crazy circle that God has us on.

What are we?

We're opposite though.

And we can't demonize each other for the fact that we are opposite.

No, before sin, this is what God did.

He created us opposite.

There's a book written called His Needs and Hers Needs.

It's a great book by Dr.

Willard Harley.

He's a marriage counselor and he did the study.

He had all of these couples coming into his marriage counsel thing, and they were like, hey, we want to get a divorce.

And he would work with him, and at the end of it, they would end up getting a divorce.

So he became so frustrated by that.

He started talking to other marriage counselors, and he saw that that's just a common thing.

So he was like, No, I need to change my pattern, I need to do something different.

So what he started doing is he started asking couples this question: What is one thing your husband can do that will make you happiest?

What is one thing your wife can do that will make you happiest?

And he started charting those answers over 10 years.

And he came up with 10 answers.

Okay, 10 answers.

And then he got them to rank it.

And surprise, surprise, the top five things for girls were the bottom five things for guys.

And the top five things for guys was the bottom five things for girls.

Why?

He created us opposite, but he challenged them to start fulfilling each other's emotional needs, and his divorce rate completely changed.

Okay, do you want to see this?

Because I think it's so helpful for understanding that you're a conegdo.

You are literally opposite to who he is.

Okay, talk needs.

Here's the first one: affection versus sexual fulfillment.

What do women want more than anything?

They want affection, true affection, non-sexual touch.

Guys, what do you want?

Sexual touch.

Like sexual fulfillment.

Like that's that's what it looks like.

And what's funny is when girls are affirmed, they give the one.

When men get the one, they want to affirm.

Isn't that frustrating?

Like it's literally a cycle.

That's how it works.

Here's the second thing.

Watch this intimate conversation.

She's like, I want to know your deepest things, and I want to know what you're thinking about that and what you're dreaming about that.

And men want you to play pickleball with them.

They want recreational companionship.

They're like, no, but can we golf?

Can we go for a run?

She's like, Do you want to share your heart while you run?

No.

I just want to run.

Okay, she wants honesty and openness, but he wants physical attractiveness.

So she wants to know your soul and he just wants to know you.

Okay, completely different.

She wants financial support, he wants domestic support.

She wants a family commitment and he wants admiration.

He's like, No, I want you to be committed to me.

Completely opposite.

And I need y'all to know this because, wives, like I said, you will demonize your husband because he's not like you, but that's exactly the way that God designed.

That doesn't make him broken, it makes him male.

Okay, husbands, the fact that she doesn't want to do the things that you want to do every single minute of every day that does not make her broken, that makes her female.

And for you to get the thing that you want, you need to give her what she wants, and vice versa.

Y'all see that?

You are a strength connecto in everything.

So God gave girls, females, wives, a strength to have and a stance to take.

You are not opposing him, you're opposite to him.

But then distortion came into play.

Distortion came into play, and that's where sin entered.

And now all of a sudden, I'm not gonna be a strength that is opposite you, I'm gonna actually pull you away from what God designed.

So I said this for men, distortion came in because we were silent, we hid, and we blamed.

Girls, there were four things that Eve did that I think for so many of us is pulling us away from sometimes being a strength who is coming to help alongside our husbands.

Genesis 3, verse 1, it says this the serpent was the shrewdest of the wild animals the Lord God had made.

Genesis 3:1

And one day he asked the woman, Did God really say you must not eat from any tree in the garden?

And she said, Of course we can eat from the trees in the garden.

She replied, I want you to see this.

Adam, his issue is he was silent about what God said.

Eve, the problem was she got pulled away from what God said.

Okay, there were four things that happened.

The first thing is this, she listened to the wrong voice.

Girls, are we in the place where we are listening to the wrong voice?

And the enemy is coming and he's saying, Did God really say?

And he still does that today.

Did God really say?

We're listening to culture, we're listening to TikTok, we're listening to all of these different things, and the enemy is saying, Did God really say?

That's why it's so important for you to know the word of God.

Because you'll say, Does God really say respect your husband?

Because he, like, he disrespected you.

Are you really supposed to respect him?

He doesn't deserve it.

Are you really supposed to honor him?

He he messed up last week.

I don't think that's what you need to do.

And instead of shutting it down, what we do is we entertain the voices of our friends who are telling us something that is anti-Bible.

And we're starting to play that.

The problem is that she listened to the wrong voice.

Once she listened to the wrong voice, she developed the wrong focus and she started focusing on what God withheld instead of what God gave her.

God said you can eat from any tree, but that one.

And the enemy's like, Do you see that tree that God said you can't eat?

And she starts focusing on what she doesn't have instead of what she does.

You see, you you can have a husband that loves you and provides for you and loves your kids and does all of these things right.

And then your friends are like, But he didn't buy you flowers for Valentine's Day.

Like, oh, he forgot, he forgot your anniversary date until like two hours after you woke up.

Nervous laughter from all the men.

I'm kind of feeling, I'm kind of does that make sense?

You have all of these different things, you listen to the wrong voice, and what happens is you start having the wrong focus, which leads to the wrong desire.

So then what happens is she allows her desire to overrule truth.

It says this verse 6 when the woman saw that the fruit of the tree was good for food and pleasing to the eye and desirable for gaining wisdom, she took some and she ate it.

What happens is she comes to this place where she's like, This just feels right.

I know the Bible says, honor my husband, but he doesn't deserve it, and this just feels right.

Like withholding just feels right.

Like being angry just feels right.

Like icing him out just feels right.

That's what feels right.

And then from that, she has the wrong desire, she has the wrong voice that leads to the wrong focus, which leads to the wrong desire, the wrong standard, which finally leads to the wrong order.

And she steps out of God's order and she pulls her husband with her.

Genesis 3, verse 6.

Genesis 3:6

She gave some to her husband who was with her, and he ate it.

Now I've already said this.

Men, who is responsible for this?

Us.

Adam.

We are the leaders.

But I also need you to get this.

Adam was weak in that moment and a weak leader.

But Eve is also the strength who is beside him.

And in a moment of weakness, she did have what she needed to combat that.

So they both get held accountable.

Do y'all see that?

She was supposed to be a strength alongside him, and when he was weak in his silence, she could have been strong.

And said, No, this is what the word of God says.

But they both failed at the thing that God had called them to do.

Like it's so important to understand that God has.

That's how he designed her, he designed her to be a strength for the moments that he is weak.

So we have these consequences that come as a result of that.

For men, our consequence revolves around work.

For women, our consequence revolves, I keep saying our, y'all forgive me.

Like like preaching, I'm almost like all of us, all of us.

Woman, the consequence is often around the family unit.

Okay?

And this is gonna start clicking and making sense.

Genesis 3 13, it says this.

The Lord God asked the woman, What have you done?

The serpent deceived me, she replied, and that's why I ate it.

Verse 16.

Then he said to the woman, I will sharpen the pain of your pregnancy, and in pain you will give birth.

And then watch this.

And your desire will be to control your husband, but he will rule over you.

And I actually think that's one of the most devastating moments of the fall.

What he's saying is there's gonna be a struggle for leadership within your marriage.

And woman, it's not gonna be that I'm gonna come alongside and I'm gonna help.

No, it's I'm gonna take charge, I'm not gonna be the helper, I'm not gonna serve, I'm not gonna submit, I'm not gonna encourage my husband.

Like that is the result of the fall.

And men, what happens is when wives don't do that, our sin is that we become domineering and aggressive.

So we're like, you won't submit, watch.

Both of those are sinful, both of those are wrong.

So wives want to take charge, so men say, I'll show you.

And you see the struggle happen in the relationship.

We're both tempted to be aggressive and passive.

So girls, watch this.

You can say agre you can be aggressive by saying, I'm taking charge.

Some of you that might be where you're at.

Some of you, it might be passive.

And you're like, he's a big boy, I'll let him figure this one out.

I love you.

Both of those are wrong.

And both of those are prideful.

Because you're not supposed to say, I'm gonna do it, and you're not supposed to say, You figure it out.

You're supposed to humbly say, Let me come alongside you and help.

Men, same thing.

You can be aggressive, stay in your place, dominate.

Or you can be passive, I'm on the couch, you just figure it out.

Both of those are wrong.

What is your job?

Your job is to lead by laying down your life.

That's how God tries to bring it.

So we have this design that God created, and then we have this distortion that happens because of sin.

But the beautiful thing is with Jesus, we can actually come back to an original design.

There is redemption.

So people say, okay, what does this look like now?

Now that Jesus has come, now that he's changed our hearts, how does he want us to approach this?

And Paul actually talks about it in Ephesians 5.

I want to end with this.

Ephesians 5, verse 21, it says this.

Ephesians 5:21

And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

And then he describes what that submission looks like.

Verse 22, for wives, this means submit to your husbands.

We good?

I've talked about this.

What submission means, sub means under, mission means mission.

You're literally saying, I'm coming under my husband's mission.

We've made it such a bad word.

It's not a bad word.

Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.

For a husband is head of his wife as Christ is head of the church.

He is savior of his body, the church.

And the church submits to Christ.

So wives, you should submit to your husbands in everything.

Okay, couple caveats.

First caveat, it says submit to your husbands.

Great.

Oh ladies, this does not say submit to men.

Come on, ladies, can I get a good amen?

This does not say submit to all men.

Because you can have people that are like, you're a woman, you need to listen to me, and you can say lovingly and kindly, boy bye.

Bye.

Okay?

It does not say you have to submit to all men.

Single ladies, where you at?

Where you at?

Single ladies, where you at?

Okay, it says submit to your husbands, not to your boyfriends.

And the problem is sometimes we're giving husband treatment to boyfriend energy.

If he hasn't given you a ring, you do not need to submit to him, you do not need to listen to no no no no no.

You need yourself until you get married and give yourself to him.

Does that make sense?

That's what we need.

Submit to your husbands in everything.

What does everything mean?

There's some caveats.

Because there's some dudes that are like, oh, everything.

No, it's there's caveats.

What is that?

It's out of reverence for Christ and the husband's command to love his wife.

In other words, you do not need to submit to him in issues of sin.

If he wants you to do something that is sinful or harmful, you can respectfully say no.

Out of reverence for Christ.

And it says unto the Lord.

As to the Lord, what does that mean?

It means when you're submitting, what you're saying in that moment is I'm doing this not because of who you are.

No, no, no.

I'm doing this out of reverence for Christ.

That's why I'm doing this.

Okay, and we can get submission so messed up.

Here's what it's not submission is not feeling, it does not mean that you are inferior or less valuable.

It does not mean that you can't make a decision.

It does not mean that you have to hide your calling or shrink back.

And it also does not mean the will of your husbands over the will of God.

If he's like, I don't want to go to church, you shouldn't go to church, you don't have to submit to that.

If he's like, I want to watch something that is inappropriate, you do not have to submit to that.

You do not.

That's not what submission is.

It's saying, I'm gonna come under the mission that God has called you to.

Where has he called us to go and what are we gonna do with that?

And I think one of the hardest things about this is I know there are people in this room and you're asking this question, but my husband isn't saved.

And I'm here.

Do I have to submit to him?

What does that look like?

Peter actually answers this.

1 Peter 3.

He says, This wives, in the same way, submit to your own husbands, so that even if they do not believe the word, even if they're not a Christian, they may be won over without words by the behavior of their wives.

When they see the purity and reverence for your life in the way that you love and honor your husband, you need to do it in such a way that he gets to a place where he's like, Whoa, I don't deserve this.

This makes no sense.

Why are you being like this?

Why are you being so kind?

And you can say, I am doing this because of my love for Jesus.

Because of my love for Jesus.

And in that moment, I want you to watch something happen through his brain.

When he realizes he has such an incredible wife, and the reason she's acting the way that she's acting is because of her love for Jesus.

So Paul says submit.

And then girls are like, that's easy for you to say because he ain't telling you to submit.

Well, he kinda is, because he says that husbands, we need to submit to Christ.

So we do have to submit.

And then he says this, verse 25, for husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church.

And how did Jesus do that?

Oh, he gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of his words.

He's like, girls, submit.

Men, die.

Can I have the first option, please?

Can I have the submission, please?

He says, No, no, no, wives, you submit, but men, you lay down your life for her.

And you become easy to submit.

I said this last week and I'm gonna say it again.

You become easy to submit to when you lay down your life for your wife.

That's what it is.

That is what a godly relationship needs to look like.

So, men, what does it look like?

I said it last week, but again, it means this.

It means we lay down our lives by honoring her, being gentle with her, speaking life over her, providing for her, protecting her, preferring her, treating her with respect, leading your home, putting her needs above your own, washing her with the word.

That's what it looks like.

So, girls, what does it look like for you to submit, to come alongside your husband?

What does it actually practically look like?

A couple things.

The first thing I want you to understand about godly wives is this godly wives give respect.

They give respect.

Ephesians 5.33 says this each one of you should love his wife as he loves himself.

But then he says this to the wife, you must respect your husband.

Can I need to I need you to understand this?

This word here for respect is not that he earned it, it's that you assigned it.

And you're choosing to do it even if he hasn't earned it.

And men, it says the same thing to you that you need to honor your wives even if they haven't earned it.

Okay, these aren't feelings, these are choices.

So the same way that a man needs to honor you by choice, whether you've earned it or not, the Bible calls us, calls wives to respect.

Okay, what does that look like?

It means you don't make him the punchline in the text thread, you know, where you hang out with your girls.

Because you teach them how to see him.

It means that you let your husband finish his thoughts, and husbands, you do the same.

We seek first to understand and then we seek to be understood.

It means this, that you ask instead of hint.

Single guys, y'all need to figure this out quick, okay?

And wives, you can help us with this.

Please ask instead of hint.

Because sometimes you hint and we just don't understand because we're not as quick as you.

Like if your wife says, Are you gonna wear that?

That's not a question.

She's telling you that you should not wear that.

If she's like, oh my gosh, I saw the cutest thing at Target, she's not trying to tell you about her day.

She has made a request that she's gonna purchase something.

We don't have to do anything for my birthday.

Do something for her birthday! And what that means is making a surprise.

That's what that means with the girl thinkers done it too much.

Don't worry about it, it's fine.

It's not fine.

Like, it's not fine in that moment.

Do whatever you want.

Do not do whatever you want.

If she cleans loudly, get off the couch.

If you're like, I've never heard my cabinets closed that loud, that's crazy.

I wonder if I should fix it and add some soft clothes.

No! Get up and help her clean! It means that we critique the thing and not the man.

You can say, hey, can you take out the trash?

But saying you never take out the trash because you're a worthless, like, that's not respect.

It means you don't outsource him.

Call your dad, your best friend, instead of calling him.

It means you notice him out loud instead of just in your mind.

That's what it looks like.

The second thing is godly wives give help.

This is what I talked about.

Genesis 2 verse 18.

Genesis 2:18

The Lord said, I'll make a helper who is suitable for him.

Ladies, if he's tired, don't demonize him.

How can you lift up his arms?

If he's weak, how can you strengthen him?

Is he discouraged?

How can you bring courage to him?

How can you encourage him?

What does that mean?

It literally means encourage means I'm gonna pour courage into you.

Can I pour courage into you?

How can you strengthen him?

How can you be a help that is opposite to him?

That in the areas that he is weak, when he's forgetful, when he doesn't do the thing, instead of saying you're the worst, you should think like me, because girls' brains are crazy and everything's connected.

Like, give us a project in the yard and we'll just be there for eight hours focused.

And girls, they're like, oh my gosh, that might pick up the kids and then dinner, and then it's like y'all y'all have this way of just connecting everything to everything?

God made you that way, but he made us to have a singular focus.

Does that make sense?

Let's not demonize each other.

Third thing is this godly wives prioritize their marriage.

They prioritize their marriage.

In the book of Matthew, the Pharisees were asking Jesus about divorce, and he says this, Matthew 19, 4.

Haven't you read that in the beginning the Creator made the male and female?

And he said, For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and be united to his wife, and the two will become one flesh.

Say one flesh.

And says this, so they will no longer be two but one.

Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.

What does that mean?

It means you come one flesh with your husband, and in that moment you prioritize each other.

You're one flesh sexually, you're one flesh physically, you're one flesh emotionally, and he says, Let nothing separate that.

The challenge is so often we let things separate that.

Men, what do we let separate that?

Work.

We allow work to come and drive a wedge between that.

That's a consequence of the fall.

Men's consequence was around what?

Work.

So we allow work to separate.

Ladies, consequence for you, what was it around?

Family.

So what do we can do?

We can allow family to separate.

What does that mean?

I've seen people who are married and they start prioritizing their kids over each other.

And you have a baby, and you're like, okay, the baby's gonna sleep with us in the bed, and that's great.

I understand that that needs to happen.

It needs to happen for some weeks, but for sometimes it happens for some years, and something else is driving a wedge between your relationship.

Not always the case, I've seen it.

People get married and they get divorced after 25 years.

It's crazy.

You know one of the biggest times of divorce is when the kids leave the house?

Why?

Because we started prioritizing the kids more than anything.

And now that the kids are out of the house, we've realized that we don't even like each other, know each other, we haven't dated each other because we allowed something else to separate.

Our kids don't come first, our spouses do.

And we create a godly household where we love each other and then the kids become blessed because of that.

Can I get a good amen?

Final thing is godly wives build their homes.

Proverbs 14:1, the wise woman builds her house, but with her own hands, the foolish one tears it down.

Proverbs 14:1

Ladies, you just got that special touch.

If you've ever walked into a guy's house who's single, and you're like, why is a movie poster on your wall?

My friend, uh, my friend and I, we were uh we were uh together, me and this other guy, and um we didn't have any greenery, so we put up a Christmas tree, and then we never took down the Christmas tree because it was our greenery.

Ladies, you just have a way of making a house feel like a home.

And it's what men desire more than anything else.

Proverbs 31 says this, talking about a noble wife.

It says she gets up before dawn to prepare breakfast for her household.

Now, men do not get excited.

That was not a command, that that's what she needs to do.

But what it is saying is this it's saying that she takes care of her household.

Man, my wife has the ability to set things up around the house in such a way that my kids have what they need.

The diapers are exactly where they need to be, the clothes are exactly where they need to be.

Like wives, that's what God calls you to do.

Proverbs 31, 27.

She carefully watches everything in her household and suffers nothing from laziness.

My wife is best at this, every single detail of every single thing comes together.

And I understand that sometimes girls are working and I understand that we need to come, we need to serve each other, lay down our life.

All of that applies.

But ladies, there's something that you can do about making a home peaceful that a man can't do.

And I just encourage you to step into that.

More than anything, when guys are fighting thorns in the field and they come home to a house that is peaceful and not chaotic and angry and all of those things, it does absolutely incredible things.

So here's what I want to do.

I want you um to pray.

And all of us, I want you to just ask yourself a couple questions.

I'm gonna give you a couple minutes.

And I want you to ask this, ladies, which one is God telling you that this is something he wants to put his hand on?

Is it something where I'm not respecting, I'm not helping, I'm not prioritizing my marriage, or I'm not building my home, or any of the other things?

And the same way that I asked the guys to repent of their wives last week.

Wives, I'll ask you at some point today or whatever, just say, hey, here's what I felt like God told me to do.

And here's the one area that I want to work on.

And men, you're gonna lovingly, kindly say, You're the best.

Can we do that?

Can we take 30 seconds and just ask?

Man, I want you to ask how you can support your spouse.

Single people, I want you to pray for your spouse, your future spouse.

Say, Lord, what is it that you want me to do?

What are you putting your finger on?

While you continue praying, some of you, one of the hardest things about this message is you're like, man, I don't know if I can do any of that.

How can I ever have the strength to do all of that?

And it's really easy.

You get that strength through Jesus.

When Jesus comes into your heart, the Holy Spirit comes into your heart, and the Holy Spirit is our helper.

It's exactly how the Bible describes him.

He is our helper, and he helps us in the areas that we are weak.

He is our perfect helper.

And if you're here and you do not follow Jesus, I want to give you the opportunity to do that.

That the Holy Spirit can come into you, that he can help you do what God calls you to do.

The gospel's simple.

We've all messed up, we've all fallen short of God's glory.

We can't be in relationship with God because of it, but God sent his son, Jesus, who lived, who came to this earth, who died on a cross, who was raised again, that we can have life.

The Bible says if you just believe in him, if you declare with your mouth you can be saved.

So I want to pray a prayer and I want us all to pray it for those praying it for the first time.

Just say, if you're here and you're making this commitment, say, dear Jesus, I believe that you're the Son of God and the Savior of the world.

I believe you came to this earth.

You died on a cross and you were raised so that I can have life.

I make you my Lord.

I make you my savior.

In Jesus' name.

In Jesus' name, if you're here and you prayed that for the very first time, with everyone's eyes still closed, heads bowed, we would love to celebrate with you.

And what I'd love you to do is just wave at me.

Say, Brad, that's me.

If you prayed that prayer for the first time, here we go.

One, two, three.

Thank you.

I already see those hands.

That's awesome.

Thank you.

I see that.

I love that.

I love that.

Come on, church, do me a favor.

Can you put your hands together for everyone who just said that for the first time?

We love you, Church.

And if you just said yes to Jesus, let me just say that is the best decision you could ever make.

And you do have a next step.

We would love for you to let us know and do that by texting the keyword Jesus to 480-485-3405.

We want you to let us know.

And we have a resource that we would love to get in your hands.

It's called You Said Yes.

It's a 21-day devotional so that you don't have to start this journey with Jesus alone.

And if this ministry has impacted you in any way and you're watching, we would love to ask you to pray about two simple things.

First, pray about sharing this with someone.

You just never know how much a simple share could impact someone around you.

And two, we would love for you to pray about partnering with us financially.

And you never know how much your giving makes this possible for people just like you and all around the world.

So we want to say thank you for the way that you give.

And if you want to do that today, you can head to spiritchurch.co forward slash give.

Well, we love you, church, and we can't wait to see you right back here next week.

And because remember with God, there is more.