Let’s Talk About Sex | Brad Straarup

Are y'all ready for the word today?

Don't say yes too quick because y'all we're having a fun conversation here today.

Today, I have the awesome and incredible privilege of having an incredibly awkward conversation with every single one of us today because today I have the honor of talking about sex.

Come on, we're throwing some salt and pepper.

Come on, let's talk about sex.

They were kind of prophetic because they were like, let's talk about all the good things and the bad things.

That may be y'all know this.

Sex can cause some pretty bad stuff.

But how many of you know this?

Sex can also cause some pretty good stuff.

So what we're doing today is we're looking at God's perspective on sex.

And let me say that I'm actually not awkward standing up here.

I am so excited to actually have this conversation because I believe this that there might be some people in this room and you have been hurt by sexual encounters.

And let me say if that's the case, I believe that the gospel wants to come, the Bible wants to come, and He wants to bring healing.

Amen.

We can clap for that.

There's some people in this room, and for you, you have struggled with addiction.

You have been trapped by sexual temptation.

And if that's you, I want to show you how the gospel gives you a way out.

And there's some of you, and your marriage is actually struggling in areas of sexual intimacy.

And let me just say that if we follow God's word, God has the best plan for sexual intimacy.

I believe this.

Christians should have the best sexual intimacy.

Why?

Because God created it.

Come on, and if He created it, we gotta be the best at it.

So today, that's what we're gonna be looking about.

We're gonna have a good old time.

Let me say this I am not a shock and all preacher.

We're not gonna be crude, but like I said, if you have a kid in here who is fifth grade and under, we have an incredible kids' ministry.

But if you have a teenager, keep him here.

Here's why.

They're already learning about sex from the world.

And here's the challenge is that if you are only hearing about this from the world, you are being formed by one side of the equation.

No, we need to look at what the Bible is saying that we can be formed by what the Bible says more than anything else.

So I'm glad that they're in here.

Because we need a godly perspective on what sex is.

So if you have your Bibles, turn to Genesis chapter 2.

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

Genesis chapter 2.

Genesis 2 · chapter mention

We've been in a series called It's Complicated.

And we've been talking about love, sex, and marriage.

And what we've been learning in the series is that when you do things the world's way, it gets complicated, but when you do it God's way, it becomes uncomplicated.

It doesn't mean it's easy, but it is uncomplicated.

And we've been looking at Genesis because Genesis is very much a blueprint that shows us about humanity and where everything went wrong.

So if you have your Bibles, Genesis 2, verse 22 is where we will pick it up.

Genesis 2:22

And it says this Then the Lord God made woman from the rib that he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man.

And the man said, Now this is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh, and she shall be called woman, for she was taken out of the man.

Watch this, this is unique.

It says, That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

It's this incredible paradigm that happens where woman is taken out of man and one becomes two, and now there's an attraction at work that actually wants to bring two together.

That is why we are joined.

That is why a man comes and is united to his wife, and it says this Adam and his wife were both naked and they felt no shame.

Praise God.

That is the goal, is that we can be in a marriage and we can be naked and unashamed.

That's what I want to talk about today.

I want to talk about being naked and unashamed, going back to God's original intent.

So, in the book of Genesis, the first couple of chapters, you learn about creation, how God created the heavens and the earth, and he created this beautiful garden.

And there were all these trees, but there were two trees, the tree of life and the tree of knowledge of good and evil.

And God said, I do not want you to eat from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, because if you eat from that tree, you will die.

And in this place, God creates man, he puts man in this perfect system, and he has a relationship with man, but the problem is a snake comes.

And the snake starts to lie.

He starts to lie to them.

And it just got me thinking about the lies that we believe.

Okay, some of us we believed some lies growing up.

Why?

Because our parents told us lies.

Okay, there's just some lies that you know you're told when you're growing up.

Like, one of the lies is that you can't have the interior light of your car on at night because the cops will arrest you.

My parents told me that, man.

I am still to this day, when I'm looking for something in the car, I'm like, oh, I've got to turn it off because they're gonna arrest me.

Like, I still have that in my system.

Like, it's still in my system.

How about this one?

You can't swallow gum, cause it will be in your stomach for seven years.

Where did the seven come from?

It's like it's gonna be like I was like, man, my stomach is 50% gum at this point.

And and and I wondered, I was like, does the gum just find like a crevice?

And it's like, this is where we sit in the stomach.

Like, like I would hear that, I'd be like, that's so crazy.

You know, my mom would tell me, Brad, don't swallow a watermelon seed, because if you swallow a watermelon seed, you will grow a watermelon.

And I was like, as a kid, I was like, that explains pregnancy.

Like in my mind, I was like, you bad, you swallowed the watermelon seed.

Like that, that's exactly right.

We have all these silly ones.

Don't sit too close to the TV, you'll go blind.

Right?

In South Africa, they would say that your eyes would turn square.

And I was like, I don't know what that means, but I'm afraid of it.

Okay.

Surprisingly, there's actually some truth to that one because when I researched it, I was like, why do we say that?

When TVs were first created, get this, there was radiation that came from it.

So if you actually sat close, you would actually go blind.

So, you know, they were trying to help us, and then they just decided to keep perpetuating the lie.

Or how about this one?

I feel like this one, uh, I heard a ton, that when you eat, you can't swim for 30 minutes after you eat.

Right?

Every 4th of July, that is the kid's mortal fear.

They're like, if I get into this pool, I shall die.

And you're like, this is gonna be the worst thing.

So there's some lies that we get told, and they're harmless.

But how many of you know that when lies come about sexuality, they're not harmless, they're harmful.

And the enemy will tell a whole bunch of lies.

Like one of the lies he would say is it's just physical.

Like, don't worry about it, it's not a big deal because when it comes to sexual intimacy, it's just physical.

Yo, it ain't physical.

Have you ever seen someone go to counseling because they had an awkward side hug?

That has never happened.

Why are you in counseling?

I had an awkward hand-holding situation.

That is not what sends people to counseling.

But so often when you look at counseling and the root cause of so many issues, sexuality is so often at the base of it.

Y'all, it is not just physical, it's something that we carry the longest, but it's the thing we talk about lost.

It's just physical.

Here's another lie.

It's not a big deal.

Ah man, it's not a big deal.

Don't worry about it.

What's crazy about this is people will often joke about the sins of their past, like this one day I was mean to this person, or one day I did this.

People will joke about their sins, but have you noticed how no one jokes about their sexual sins?

There's just something deeper about that pain.

Another lie.

It's private, it doesn't hurt anyone.

No, no, no, my friend.

It hurts you, it hurts your future spouse, it rewires your brain, it messes us up.

There's some lies that we believe that get us into it, but there's also some lies that we believe that keeps us bound in it.

Like, here's some of the lies.

This is just who I am now.

I've gone too far.

If they really knew, they would leave.

No one can ever know.

I'm the only one.

Once I'm married, the pain will go away.

Let me just say this.

Those are all lies of the enemy.

And what we have to do as disciples of Christ is whenever the snake speaks, we have to confront it with the truth.

The Bible talks about this.

John 8, verse 31, it says this.

John 8:31

Jesus says, if you hold to my teachings, you really are my disciples.

If you hold to my teachings, I think sometimes we think we can be a Christ follower and not follow Christ.

Let me just say that it doesn't work that way.

You don't get to say, Oh, I can sin sexually, I can do a whole bunch of stuff, and I'm not gonna repent, and this is just my desire, but I'm a Christian.

No, you're not.

A Christ follower follows Christ and says, This is what we're doing.

He says, if you hold to my teaching, you really are my disciples.

And if that's the case, then you will know the truth, and the truth will set you free.

So today we need to learn the truth about sex so that we can walk in freedom.

So, what I want you to know first and foremost about sex, as we develop a foundation, a theology of sex is this sex is sacred.

Sex is sacred, and that's a word we don't hear a ton.

It doesn't just mean that it's very important, it means it is set apart, it is holy, it is consecrated, it belongs to God, it is designated for a purpose.

The Bible says this, 1 Corinthians 6 18.

Flee from sexual immorality, which is any kind of sexual sin outside of the confines of a marriage between a husband and a wife.

Flee from sexual immorality.

All other sins a person commits are outside the body.

But whoever sins sexually sins against their own body.

Watch this, verse 19.

Do you not know that your bodies are temples?

What is that?

It's a sacred space of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have received from God.

You are not your own, you were bought at a price, and that is more valuable than anything else because the price that was paid for you was Jesus on the cross.

He was on the cross, he paid the price, and the Bible says this therefore, honor God with your bodies.

Honor God with your bodies.

Sex is sacred, but so often we treat it as common.

How many people are musicians in the room?

Do I have any musicians in the room?

Okay, a couple, a couple of musicians, that's great.

How many of you uh do you actually play the violin?

Anyone play the violin in the room?

Got any violin?

Okay, we got some kind of some kind of okay.

Some of you may know about the Strativarius, which is a type of violin that's one of the most expensive violins ever created.

It was created by Antonio Strativari in Italy in the 1700s.

And they talked about this violin, and they said that this violin is the most incredible thing.

Can you pass that to me?

It says this violin is the most incredible thing.

It created a sound that was almost angelic.

They were like, it sounds spiritual.

So many people try to copy the sound, but they never were able to copy the sound.

There's one right now called the Messiah Stradivarius.

It goes for 20 million dollars.

It is the most beautiful violin ever created.

Okay?

I think it was Danica, you said you play it a little bit.

Uh Gabby, can you stand up real quick?

Can you do me a favor?

Can you just can you just quickly give that to um can you give it to Danny, Danica right over right over there?

And then Danica, can can you just I just want you to just go ahead and pass it on?

I just want everyone to kind of get a bit of a feel.

Isn't that beautiful?

Can you okay?

Pass it on to the next person.

Okay, let's just keep just keep it keep it going, just keep it going, just get a little get a little bit of a feel.

Okay, isn't that beautiful?

Okay, pass it to the next person.

Okay, isn't that isn't that great?

Isn't that how many of you know that that's not a Strativarius?

That is the cheapest kid's violin I could find on Amazon.

But see, when I threw it, everyone went, oh my gosh, don't don't harm the Strativarius, it's precious, it's sacred.

Yet we will treat that with greater honor and dignity than we'll treat our own sexuality.

That thing can be replaced.

You cannot be replaced, you are more valuable than that thing.

Jesus didn't die for that thing, he died for you.

And yet we're like, no, it's okay, I can just do whatever I want with it.

No, you can't.

God created this.

You need to understand this.

Is that sex has a designer?

The same way that has a designer, sex has a designer, and when God created sex, he made it good.

Can I get a good amen?

I dare you to say amen.

He made it good.

I think anytime we talk about sex, and there's unbelievers in the room, they're like, Man, I know churches, I know what you're gonna say.

You're gonna say, Don't have it, don't have it, take a shower, go for a run.

Sex is gross, it's gross.

Save it for your spouse.

Why do we say that?

Sex is not gross, it is a gift, and it is actually good.

God invented it and he created it good and he blessed it.

Genesis 127 says this so God created mankind in his own image.

In the image of God, he created them, male and female, he created them, and God blessed them and said to them, Be fruitful and increase in number.

In other words, bow chica wow wow.

Verse 31 God saw all that he had made, which included sex, and he said, It was very good.

Not only good, no, it was very good.

God created sex and he designed it to be good.

Sex has a designer, not only does it have a designer, sex has a purpose.

And if you want to know the purpose of something, you have to ask the creator of that thing.

This speaker, okay?

I can use it as a chair.

It is a bad chair.

I am not comfortable right now.

I can use it as a chair, but how many of you know that if I use this as a chair, it is living below its potential?

And if you don't understand something, you misuse something.

And when you misuse something, you abuse something.

The creator of the speaker had a specific purpose for it.

When God created sex, he had a specific purpose for it.

And we think it's just fun, it's something that you do before you get married, and you know, like that's all it is.

No, no, no.

There are specific purposes to sex, and I want to help you understand what the Bible says is the purposes of sex.

The first thing is this union.

The purpose of sex is unity between a husband and a wife.

Genesis 2, verse 24.

Genesis 2:24

That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united to his wife, and they become one flesh.

But I want to watch you, I want you to see this.

Union happens in multiple ways.

First Corinthians 6 16 says this Do you not know that he who unites himself with the prostitute is one in body with her?

So this union happens, even if you're not married, he is united in one body with her, for it is said the two becomes one flesh.

We have no, we we we have no understanding of what that even means.

One flesh, when you hear that, what that means is that's covenantal language.

It's covenantal language.

In other words, whenever you have sex with someone, what that is, it is a contract that you sign with your body.

If you meant it, if you didn't mean it, if if you were just checking things out or you weren't checking things out, or it was casual or it wasn't casual.

Sex is signing a contract with your body that says this I am yours forever.

That is what's happening.

When you have sex with someone, you're saying, I am yours forever, you are mine forever.

It is a contract that you're signing with your body.

The challenge is it's not only a contract, it's a covenant.

Contracts have terms and conditions, it can be broken.

What a covenant says is even if you don't hold your side or hold my side, this is the covenant we're making.

So what we're doing in casual sex is we're learning to make covenants and break them.

I am yours forever, you're all mine.

I am yours forever, you are mine, I am yours forever, and you are mine, and then we wonder why we're fractured.

It says, I am yours and you're mine.

It says this, I give myself to you, and you give yourself to me.

And you might say, Brad, I didn't know that when all of that happened.

I didn't realize that that was what was happening.

But your body said it even if your mouth didn't.

And I can't back away from what the scripture teaches, but I can say this there's redemption in Christ Jesus.

There is redemption in Christ Jesus, and we don't have to stay there.

Sex is meant to unify.

That's why marriage is so beautiful, because you are doing something in the body that you said with your mouth.

You made a vow, and they are in congruence.

The second reason for sex is children.

Praise the Lord.

Praise the Lord.

Genesis 128.

It says, God bless them.

This is about to go out our verse, and said, Be fruitful and increase in number, fill the earth and subdue it.

Psalm 127, verse 3 says this children are a heritage from the Lord.

Psalms 127:3

I'm so glad that we did parent-child dedication today.

Offspring are a reward from him, like arrows in the hands of a warrior, or children born in one's youth.

Blessed is the man whose quiver is full of them.

Now I don't know when my quiver is full.

Like I don't know if that means two kids, three kids, or four kids, but apparently when you have them, your quiver is full.

Okay, that's what it's saying.

Blessed is that children are a blessing from the Lord.

A third purpose for sex is pleasure.

At its core, sex is fun.

And if you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong.

I'm gonna look down as I say that.

If you're not having fun, you're doing it wrong.

Okay, Proverbs 5, verse 18 says this May your fountain be blessed, and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth, a loving doe, a graceful deer.

Proverbs 5:18

May her breast satisfy you always.

And some of you guys did not know that.

That was in the Bible.

And you're like, I like this book.

I'm gonna read this book.

This is a pretty good book.

You haven't taken notes, but you're like, that's good, preacher.

I'm gonna write that one down.

What is it?

Proverbs 18, 19.

May you always be intoxicated with her love.

But I think here's what's crazy: sex is not only union, it's not only children, it's not only pleasure, it's picture.

It's picture.

Watch this.

Ephesians 5 31.

Paul's talking.

He says that a man will leave his father and mother, he'll be united to his wife.

He's quoting Genesis, and the two will become one flesh.

And then he says this this is a profound mystery.

Watch this bait and switch.

But I am talking about Christ in the church.

So he's talking about sex, and then he's like, hey, I'm actually not talking about sex, I'm talking about Christ in the church.

Okay, what does that mean?

Sex is actually a signpost, it is not a destination.

When when when sexual intercourse is happening, it's actually pointing to something greater, and what it's pointing to is our oneness with Christ.

You see, because when you're married to someone, your relationship is exclusive.

Our relationship with Christ is exclusive.

There's no other gods, it is Christ.

In sexual intercourse, two become one.

The Bible says that when you come to Christ, your spirit is united with him, even though you're distinct, you're united.

Jesus was self-giving, he held nothing back.

Again, that's the picture of what sex needs to be.

And here's the craziest one: it is a covenant that was made in the body that was sealed permanently.

Jesus died on the cross.

He made a covenant with his body and he signed it permanently.

Sex is supposed to be a covenant in the body that you signed permanently.

Can you all see that picture?

It is supposed to mirror.

Sex is a shadow, Christ is a substance.

Which shows you why the enemy wants to attack it.

Because if you can see this as not covenantal, then you will doubt what God means when he says, I'm making a covenant with you.

Because you're like, I know what a covenant means, and it means that you say a bunch of stuff you don't mean, and then you break up.

So God says his love endures forever.

But my parents said that.

And they got divorced.

They promised at the altar and they didn't live.

And what is happening is our society is getting fractured, and we don't even understand what covenant means.

So we say, in sickness and in health, for better or for worse, and then we say, I fell out of love.

And then you all have seen it.

We don't even understand what covenant is.

The enemy is coming from it.

You need to know the sex is sacred, and because it is a picture of that, you also need to know sex got sabotaged.

That's what happened in the garden.

They were in the garden, there was no shame, they had complete innocence, and then the enemy comes and he starts to lie.

He had a strategy then, he still has a strategy now.

Satan has a strategy.

Watch this.

Genesis 3, verse 1, he says this.

Genesis 3:1

Did God really say you cannot eat from any tree?

God didn't say that.

So what he does is he starts with the half truth.

Get this temptation always begins with deception.

He starts with a half truth.

Did God really say that you can't eat from any tree in the garden?

And the woman says, No, we can eat from trees in the garden, but God says you can't eat from the tree in the middle of the garden, because if you touch it, you will die.

And he says this, you will certainly not die.

He said to the woman, watch this.

For God knows that when you eat, your eyes will be open and you will be like God, knowing good from evil.

He says, Don't listen to God, He's hiding something from you.

Explore for yourself.

Don't just trust God's way is good and is the way of life.

No, no, no.

Eat of the fruit and see for yourself and judge whether or not it is good or evil.

And that's what we do.

People are like, don't have sex before marriage, and then we're like, but I want to try it because I want to judge for myself if it's good or not.

Don't watch porn.

You're like, why are you talking about porn?

I want to see if it's bad.

So we step into it because we want to see if it's good or not.

And that is exactly the enemy did it in the garden, and he does it still today.

Starts with a question, and then he tempts you to find out for yourself whether or not it is good or not.

Do not believe what God is saying.

Find out for yourself.

Let me say this: do not be stubborn, do not be hard-hearted, and do not be intrigued by evil when God says no to something, it's because he has a better yes.

God isn't trying to keep you from something, he is trying to keep something for you.

But the enemy has a playbook and it starts so small, and he does it still today, married or single, often it starts with lust.

Lust starts in the mind.

Matthew 5, 27 says this.

You heard it said, you shall not commit adultery.

We're just sleeping with a married person.

He says this.

But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart.

He didn't say lust is like adultery, he said it is adultery of the heart.

So if we undress someone with our eyes or we imagine someone sexually, in that moment it is lust.

And the lie is that it doesn't hurt anyone because no one even knows.

The truth is this, it hurts you.

Because in that moment, what lust does, if we aren't careful to repent and turn away from that thing, it starts to actually change your brain.

And what happens is you stop looking at people as images of God, and what you do instead is you see them as someone that you can take something from.

It changes the way that you see people, you start to objectify people, and he doesn't only want you for that moment, he wants you to create the habit because the habit doesn't start, doesn't just stop with lust, it leads to pornography.

Because eventually the lust isn't enough.

So we step into pornography, which turns people into products.

So instead of people being someone to love, they become someone to be consumed.

And what started in your mind now has a screen.

Porn teaches you that you exist to serve my appetite and you disappear.

This is really easy.

You exist to serve my appetite and you disappear.

And it's completely counter sex and marriage and what God originally designed.

It is not physical union, it does not create kids.

You think it's pleasurable for a moment, but then there's shame that comes along with that, and it is not a picture of Christ because it is not giving, it is all about taking.

And then it escalates because again, you're like porn isn't enough.

So then you start what the Bible would call fornication.

You ever see that word?

It's sex before marriage.

And that brings another person into your mist.

And what we do is we start saying, I belong to you forever, I belong to you forever, I belong to you forever.

And that's when the fracture starts because you're making vows you can't keep.

So your vows mean less and less and less and less and less.

And then you get married.

And your entire training curriculum has been six is about taking something from yourself, for yourself.

And then you get married and you enter into a selfish marriage where both are trying to take, no one's trying to give.

And in the past, I could withhold because I had control, so now I'm gonna withhold.

Or someone's like, Well, whenever I wanted it, I could just take it through my phone, so now I just need to take it with you.

Both become selfish.

Rejection comes into the play, and then the next thing you know, you're like hurt, and you're like, I'll look somewhere else, and adultery comes into play.

This is a pattern that we've seen time and time again, unless you break the pattern.

And adultery, you don't just wake up one day and land up in a hotel.

It doesn't start that way, it starts small.

It starts with that one look, it starts with the tab we didn't close, and then it starts with the conversation that we enjoy too much.

You see, lust taught us to look, porn taught you a person as a product, and casual sex taught you that a vow can be walked away from.

So now we're like, well, when I used to do this casually, no one knew about it, so I'm gonna do this on the side, and my spouse will never know.

It won't come into the light, it will come into the light.

Which leads to the next part of the enemy's plan, which is divorce, which is the breaking of one flesh.

Matthew 19, 6 says, There are no longer two, they are one flesh, therefore, what God has joined, let no one separate.

God binds together, but humans tear apart.

And if you've been divorced, you know this.

It is not like a contract ending, it feels like an amputation.

What do we need to do?

Flee from sexual immorality.

You see, Satan has a strategy, but he also has a reason.

John 10 10 says this the thief comes to steal, kill, and destroy.

He wants to steal the meaning of sex, he wants to kill your union because he wants to destroy the picture.

What picture?

The picture of Christ and his church.

That's why sexual sin is actually on a category of its own.

It's not because it's the worst kind of sin that you can do, it's because it's the sin that destroys a portrait of covenant.

That's why the enemy comes after it.

God creates marriage.

He says, He says that you say you're gonna be yours forever, and this is what this looks like.

And then we don't even understand what that looks like.

Casual sex preaches a full false gospel because it says God gives himself and leaves.

Adultery and divorce preaches that covenant is breakable.

So we have a generation that doesn't even understand commitment and covenant because of the casual sex culture that we have.

It became sabotaged.

The thief comes to steal kill in the story, but here's what I love: it doesn't matter what you've gone through in your life because the Bible doesn't end there, it says this, but I, that's Jesus, have come that you may have life and life to the full.

Yes, sex got sabotaged, but the thing I love about Jesus is sex can also be sanctified.

It can be sanctified.

And whatever it is that you have walked through, let me just say this, it can be sanctified.

If there is pain in your marriage, if there's adultery in your marriage, if stuff has happened, let me just tell you something.

Jesus can come and he can heal that thing.

Jesus has a redemptive plan.

That's what I'm what I want to talk about.

Jesus redeems 1 Corinthians 6, 16.

Says, Do you not know that he who unites himself with the prostitute is one body with her?

For it says the two will become one flesh.

We read this.

And some of you, when I read that earlier, you felt so much conviction because you said, Brad, I didn't even realize that that was what was happening.

Help me.

What do I need to do?

Here's what I love.

The next verse says this, but, say but but whoever is united with the Lord is one in spirit with him.

It's saying that you were joined with her in body, but now you're joined with Christ in spirit.

And what that's saying is not that the sexual union didn't happen, but there is a greater union that is defining you now, and that is your union with Christ Jesus.

Can I get a good amen?

There is a greater union that defines you.

Greater union.

What does the gospel say?

1 Corinthians 6 verse 9.

1 Corinthians 6:9

Do not know that wrongdoers will not inherit the kingdom of God.

Do not be deceived, neither the sexually immoral.

The word there is pornea, which is any kind of sexual intimacy that is outside of a marriage between a husband and a wife.

Any kind of sexual immoral, nor the idolaterers or the adulterers, nor men who have sex with men, so homosexuality, neither thieves, nor greedy, nor drunkards, nor slanders, nor swindlers will inherit the kingdom of God.

Some people can say, I'm gonna follow Jesus casually, I'm gonna do all of this stuff.

You know, I'm in a homosexual relationship, I'm unrepentant of it.

I'm sleeping with people, I'm unrepentant of it.

I don't kind of want to change it, but I follow Jesus.

My friend, you do not follow Jesus.

When you follow Jesus, you follow Jesus.

Like I don't know how else to say that.

Like if you're following Jesus, you're following Jesus.

It doesn't mean you don't mess up, but but it does mean that you repent when you're living outside of the word of God and you come back into alignment.

That's what following Jesus means.

That's what it means.

It's not I get to do both.

If you think you are doing both, you are deceived and you are believing a lie from the enemy.

They will not inherit the kingdom of God.

And that is what some of you were.

You were, but you were washed.

Is anyone grateful that you're washed?

You were washed, you were sanctified, you were justified in the name of the Lord Jesus Christ and by the Spirit of God.

You need to know this.

Your sexual past may be real, but it does not have permanent ownership over you.

It does not own you.

Christ does.

Jesus does, you're in relationship with Him.

And I think that's so important because some of you are in this place and you have been told you've had sexual experiences, and often there's a teaching in the church around this thing called soul ties.

It's the number one question I get on this kind of a subject.

Brad, but do I have soul ties?

What does that mean?

Let me just tell you something about soul ties.

That word is not in the Bible.

It is not in the Bible.

That is a teaching that came out in 1980.

It is not a historical belief of the church.

Here's how it goes.

1 Samuel 18, verse 1 says that the soul of Jonathan was knit to the soul of David.

1 Samuel 18:1

These are two friends.

There's nothing sexual about this.

Their souls were knit.

It means that they were good friends.

And then they take 1 Corinthians 6.16 that says, if you're with a prostitute, you're one with her in body.

The two will become one flesh.

And then what they say is, because of this, you now have a magical spiritual cord that attaches you to someone.

So what happens is people are walking around thinking they have five, ten, fifteen cords with someone.

And then the teaching goes, and now when you get married and you get in bed, you now have 15 people that are in the bed with you.

Okay, find that in the Bible.

Find that in the Bible.

Because when I here's the challenge about this teaching is it does real damage because it says that freedom depends on you saying a certain kind of prayer that savors the cord.

It leaves you scanning for past cords that you might have missed, always wondering if you got them all.

And worst of all, it tells someone who was abused that their abuser is spiritually attached to them.

And that a predator has a permanent claim on their soul.

That is a lie from the pit of hell.

The cross is not a pair of scissors that cuts a cord, a cross is a place of death.

Romans 6, 6.

For we know that our old self was crucified.

Because anyone who has died has been set free from sin.

When you came to Jesus, you did not get untied, you died.

The old flesh died.

2 Corinthians 5.17.

Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, there are a new creation.

The old is gone and the new is here.

The old has not been unknown, it's gone.

Colossians 2 verse 4.

Colossians 2:4

Having cancelled the charge of our legal indebtedness, which stood against us and condemned us, he has taken it away and he has nailed it to the cross.

And then people are like, but Brad, sometimes I feel like I still think about those people.

I still wonder about those people.

I still long about those people.

I must have a tie.

No, my friend, that is not a tie, that is a consequence.

Because there are still consequences of sin.

Soul ties aren't real, but consequences are if you have a tie, a tie means something owns you, but a consequence means someone hurt you.

A tie means you need to be delivered, but a consequence means you need to be healed.

So here are consequences that people think are ties, comparison.

Yes, if you've had past sexual encounters, you can be married, and those memories can show up uninvited.

In your bed.

Longing for that person, dreaming about them, dwelling on past memories, looking them up on Facebook.

That is a consequence.

A consequence is distortion.

If you believe that sex was dirty your entire life, that sex was bad, that it was filled with so much shame, you can enter into marriage and you have so programmed yourself that it's something with shame that you still feel shame even though God has approved it.

What is that?

It's a consequence.

Wiring, sex was something that you took or got taken, and now you're in marriage and you need to give, and your brain can't quite connect that.

What is that consequence?

Jealousy and frustration when you hear about your partner's spiritual, I mean sexual past, and you're like, I'm trying to deal with this, and I'm jealous, and they took that, and I don't know what that looks like.

And you're and you're having what is that consequence, even trauma that you've experienced based on what has happened.

There's consequences that are attached to that, but the beautiful thing about Jesus is he can heal it.

And I just need to take a second to speak to anyone who does have sexual trauma, and anyone has ever told you that you need to repent of whatever happened, you don't you do not need to be forgiven of a sexual act that was done against your will.

You do not need to pray for repentance of that thing, but Jesus wants to come as he wants to heal that thing.

You didn't do anything wrong.

You didn't do anything wrong.

Some of you need to hear that.

You are not broken.

You do not need to feel guilty.

You may feel wounded, but Jesus can heal that thing.

So how are we healed as we close?

Jesus' way in his word.

First thing I need you to do is I just need you to make Jesus Lord of your life.

Allow him to come, allow him to heal, repent of whatever has happened in your life.

Today is Baptism Sunday.

If you've never been baptized, I want to encourage you to be baptized.

What baptism is, it's the old self that goes into the water and the new self comes out.

It's a picture of what happens when you get saved.

It's the wedding band of Christianity.

And if you have not done it, I want you to get baptized today.

If you feel dirty, I want you to go and get baptized.

Watch Jesus wash you clean.

You make Jesus Lord of your life, and then you confess.

Some of us were hanging on so much sexual sin and no one knows about it and you feel alone.

Stats say that 97 people, 97% of people have secrets, and most of them are sexual.

Talk to someone.

The Bible says, James 5.16, confess your sins one to another and pray for each other that you may be healed.

You don't have to carry that thing alone.

You can say, hey, this is what happened to me.

And once you do that, I want you to renew your mind over time.

Romans 12, 2 says this, do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.

That you can prove what is that good and acceptable and perfect will of God.

What does that mean?

There's gonna be times in your life, whether it's lust or porn or whatever it is, that the enemy is gonna tempt you to give into the flesh.

And what you have to do is you have to starve the flesh and feed the spirit.

I'm gonna pray.

I'm gonna read my Bible, I'm gonna go all in with God, I'm gonna go to church, I'm gonna be in godly community.

And some of us, the challenge why you're struggling so much sexually is you're trying to feed both.

Friends, if you're gonna follow Jesus and get serious about your fellowship to Jesus, you have to make a decision now about how much of the world you're gonna live in.

Paige and I, we don't listen to secular music.

Why?

I am starving the flesh that I can feed the spirit.

We're so careful with what we watch.

Why?

I am starving the flesh that I can feed the spirit.

I have to change my mind because I'm inundated by the world and I'm like, I don't want to think like the world, I want to think like Jesus.

Which goes to the final thing.

Jesus sets our standard.

I want to take a real quick second and talk to married couples here as we close.

Ephesians 5.21 says this submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

He goes on and he says, husbands, lay down your life for your wives.

Wives, submit to your husbands.

And I think often, whenever we're talking about sexual intimacy, the issue that I've seen most with couples when it comes to it is often around frequency.

And people are like, Brad, how much should we do it?

Okay, and I'm not gonna give you a number, praise God.

But I am gonna tell you what the Bible says, because the Bible answers this question.

Paul says this, 1 Corinthians 7, verse 2.

1 Corinthians 7:2

And I want to help you with this.

I want you guys, married couples, I need you to lock in here for a second.

I'm gonna give you some homework after this.

It says, But since sexual immorality is occurring, each man should have sexual relations with his own wife, and each woman with her own husband.

Amen.

That's a good verse.

The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband.

We sometimes think that husbands are the ones that just have a big sex drive.

Like that's not the case.

It is so varied.

And this verse talks to both.

The wife does not have authority over her body, but yieldeth to her husband in the same way the husband doesn't have authority over his body, but he yieldeth to his wife, and therefore do not deprive each other except perhaps by mutual consent for a time, so you may be may be devoted to prayer.

Some of us were praying too much.

I'm kidding.

It can't always be 21 days of prayer.

You're like, we're not doing it because we're praying.

No, no, no, no, no.

It can't always be 21 days of prayer.

You can't pray too much.

You'll hear what I'm saying.

Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

Let me say this about six.

Redeemed, healthy six.

This is what the Bible says.

It is regular, it is generous, it is sacrificial, it is loving, it is kind.

It is regular, it is generous, it is sacrificial, it is loving, it is kind.

It doesn't give a quota.

What it does say is sexual intimacy should be a regular, mutual part of marriage, and neither spouse should use prolonged sexual deprivation as a normal pattern.

It doesn't give you a number, it gives you a question, and the question is this are we caring about one another's sexual needs and cultivating sexual intimacy in our marriage?

Brad, how much should we be doing it when both of you can say, My needs are being met?

That's what that says.

Now, one warning, because whenever you're dealing with this, I feel like you have to caveat things.

This should not be turned into the Bible says you owe me sex whenever I want.

Okay?

Paul's framework is mutuality, it's not coercion.

Sex should never be demanded through pressure, fear, manipulation, entitlement, because that completely misses Paul's point of mutual self-giving.

It doesn't also mean that sometimes in life there's gonna be frequency changes because of pregnancy and postpartum recovery and illness and exhaustion and grief and travel and aging and medication and trauma and kids waking up every 37 seconds.

Okay, it's gonna it's gonna happen, but we can still live instead.

So, what is the standard the Bible gives us?

The Bible's standard is not a number, it is mutual generosity.

So here's the homework I want every couple, married couple to have.

That probably this week you should have some kind of conversation that is based on a foundation of love and self-giving and self-serving and not coercion and every other caveat that I just gave.

Okay, and you need to have a conversation around what frequency matters that can leave you feeling satisfied and not deprived.

Okay?

And husbands, this isn't where you say three times a day, like no, no, no, love.

Love.

People are like, Brad, what about medical?

Yeah, love covers that.

I have medical issues, yeah.

Love covers that.

Does that make sense?

The motive has to be love, and then you can have a conversation about what does this actually look like, and then you step into it.

And then people are like, but Brad, what if we want to do it more than the standard that we set?

Great, do it more than like praise God, praise God for that.

Okay, but I want to encourage you to have a conversation about what that looks like, and then live into it.

Because the picture is that we yield our bodies to each other.

If a wife has a higher sex drive, husband, you yield your body and vice versa, based out of love and mutual self-giving.

Does that make sense?

Jesus gave of himself fully.

And what I just said, there might be even a moment now where you're kind of like, ah, you have to be careful that what's causing that isn't a lie that you have believed from culture or the movies that have tried to teach you about what sex is.

My encouragement to you guys is this delete everything that culture has told you about sex, and my challenge is build it up only with the word of God and see where you land.

Delete what culture has said.

You can have an opinion about sex, just let it be a biblical one.

It's just physical, not a biblical one.

You can have an opinion, you can make an argument as long as you argue it with scripture, and not by what the latest movie has taught you.

Does that make sense?

We have to be so careful about this.

Why?

Because this is the number one thing the enemy uses to destroy marriages.

Can I pray for you?

Lord God, I want to thank you for every single person that is here.

Lord God, I want to thank you that your Bible says that you have placed before us life and death, blessings and curses, and you want us to choose life.

God, may we choose the way of life.

God, I want to pray for every couple who's in here, every married couple.

Lord, that you will be with them, that you will bless them.

Lord, as we have conversations around this, I pray that shame will go away, that mutual love will take place.

God, and incredible conversations will happen.

Lord, and we'll step into the healthiest marriages that we have ever seen.

Father, that in our church we'll have people who are healed.

Lord, people who are stepping into greater levels of intimacy where we can be naked and unashamed with our spouse.

Holy Spirit, may you speak.

Even right now, ask the Holy Spirit, Holy Spirit, what is it that you're saying to me?

And he'll speak.

Or you continue praying.

There might be some people here and you don't know Jesus.

The Bible and the gospel is simple.

It says all of us have messed up.

And you could be in here today and you could feel a million miles away from God.

But the beautiful thing is that Jesus came close to you.

He came to this earth, he lived on this earth, he died a death that we couldn't die.

He was put on a cross and he was raised that you can have life.

And if you make him Lord, the Bible says that you will be with him for eternity.

And if you're here and you've never made that decision, we want to give you that opportunity.

So if that's you, I just want you to pray off to me and just say, Dear Jesus, I believe that you're the Son of God and the Savior of the world.

Jesus, today I give you my life.

Make me clean.

Wash me clean.

I'm sorry for the mistakes I've made.

The sin I've done.

Make me a new creation.

I am yours.

And you are mine.

Forever.

Save me.

Holy Spirit, change me.

In Jesus' name.

With every head bowed and eyes closed, if you pray there for the first time, I'm gonna ask you to do something bold on the count of three.

I just want you to wave at me.

Say, hey Brad, that's me.

I would love to celebrate that with you.

Here we go.

One, two, three.

No one looking around.

If that's you, I just would love to celebrate that with you.

Thank you.

It's beautiful.

Come on, Church.

Do me a favor, put your hands together.

Come on, for one who just said that for the first time.

We love you, Church.

And if you just said yes to Jesus, let me just say that is the best decision you could ever make.

And you do have a next step.

We would love for you to let us know and do that by texting the keyword Jesus to 480-485-3405.

We want you to let us know.

And we have a resource that we would love to get in your hands.

It's called You Said Yes.

It's a 21-day devotional so that you don't have to start this journey with Jesus alone.

And if this ministry has impacted you in any way and you're watching, we would love to ask you to pray about two simple things.

First, pray about sharing this with someone.

You just never know how much a simple share could impact someone around you.

And two, we would love for you to pray about partnering with us financially.

And you never know how much your giving makes this possible for people just like you and all around the world to want to say thank you for the way that you give.

And if you want to do that today, you can head to spiritchurch.co forward slash give.

We love you, church, and we can't wait to see you right back here next week.

And because remember with God, there is more.