Talking About Anger | Pastor Kelly

Hi, calling family.

This is Pastor Michael, and welcome to our church podcast.

I'm so grateful for you tuning in today, and I believe today's message is gonna strengthen your faith in Jesus.

Today, I believe what we're gonna talk about is one of the most powerful, life-changing messages you will ever hear.

I really believe that.

What you're gonna hear this today, if you apply this to your life, several things are gonna happen.

It's gonna make you more successful in your job.

How about that?

Anybody want to be more successful at work?

No?

Okay, well, maybe.

All right.

How about this?

If you apply what I'm gonna teach you this morning, this is gonna be some teaching today, okay?

I am here to build you up.

I am here to give you some tools.

If you apply this and use this, your relationships are gonna get better and healthier with your spouse, with your kids, with your parents, if they're still around, with your siblings, with your friends, with your coworkers.

Anyone want that?

You want better relationships.

Okay, you apply what I'm gonna tell you today.

And it's gonna make you healthier.

That's right.

Not what we're gonna talk about today.

If you apply what I'm gonna tell you, you will be healthier and avoid some major disease processes in your body.

All right?

Are you interested?

Are we on board?

Are you excited about this?

Okay.

And by the way, if I go too fast, well, check out the podcast, check out the YouTube channel, because you can always go back and review it and then make some notes.

Put some post-its up around your house.

Oh, yeah, that's what Pastor Kelly told me to do on Sunday.

This is gonna change your life.

Are you ready for it?

Okay, we're gonna talk about two verses that I think are the most powerful, two of the most powerful, life-changing, and hardest to apply and often misunderstood verses in the entire Bible.

Wanna know what they are?

Here we go on the screen.

Ephesians 4, 26 and 27.

In your anger, do not sin, do not let the sun go down while you are still angry, and do not give the devil a foothold.

Yes, my friends, we're gonna talk about anger.

Okay.

Your enthusiasm is so overwhelming.

You're like, oh no, not that.

So let me ask you, in the last, don't raise your hand, because this isn't true confession time.

This isn't what are those shows, Jerry Springer, and all the kind of stuff that used to be on TV.

We're not doing that today.

But think about it.

When in the last week has anybody here lost your temper and said something that that to somebody probably that you care about that you regret later?

Anybody?

Oh no, I I wait, wait.

Yeah.

I was almost gonna say, anybody, but no, I don't want to ask you to raise your hand.

How about this?

How about within the last month?

I'll bet you everybody in this room, if we're honest, would probably say, yep.

I I know I would raise my hand to that if the preacher would ask me to raise my hand, which I'm not.

We all get angry.

And if we don't know how to manage or control that anger, I want to tell you this is one of the most demonic strategies from the pit of hell to destroy your life.

If you're married, it's gonna destroy your marriage, or can anyways, your relationships, and like I said earlier, even your health.

Yeah.

So, research, let me read this quote to you that I found.

Of course, it's on YouTube, so it's gotta be correct, right?

Anyways, here's what I heard.

Research, getting, it has proven that getting angry frequently and exploding in anger is a bigger predictor of early death from heart disease than smoking, poor diet, and lack of exercise combined.

Eee.

Ooh, didn't hear any amen on that one.

That's okay.

That's how serious this is.

And it happens to all of us, and the devil is using uncontrolled anger in our lives, in the church and in our homes, certainly in our workplace, to steal, kill, and destroy.

And I don't know about you, but I'm tired of letting him win.

I am tired of watching, and the number one, by the way, by far, the number one issue that I deal with first with a couple that comes to me that's in trouble in their marriage.

Because you know, I never know what to expect.

So it's always, okay, well, tell me what's going on.

By far, the number one thing they talk to me about is well, we got it in argument, and then it escalated, and it got loud, and then we said something, and then she said something, and you see what I'm saying, right?

See what I'm talking about?

We have got to start applying God's word, and the answer is right here.

And I want to give you some really practical tools today that I think are gonna help you get a handle on this with God's help.

All right?

Are you with me?

You rather wanna learn this stuff?

Okay, well, here we go.

So it says, be angry but don't sin.

All right, first point, what is anger?

To me, I think, and this isn't a scientific definition by any means, but in my uh uh experience, because I get angry too, it's my emotions saying ouch.

Right?

Okay, it's like I'm I'm I'm putting in a nail, hanging a picture, boom, hit my thumb.

What am I gonna say?

Ouch! Right?

It's a natural reaction.

Why?

Because I got hurt.

Now, you're not nailing a putting a nail somewhere.

Somebody says something or does something.

And it feels like they just hit your thumb with a hammer.

Am I right?

Is that what it feels like?

And you go, ow, I don't like that.

Anger is an emotion of protest because they either say something or do something, somebody, and you may not even know who they are, right?

Like on my way here this morning, over here with the signal, right, is out just right here at the corner.

So I know that the rules say that when the signal doesn't work, what are the rules?

It becomes a four-way stop sign.

And what do you think I saw this morning?

Somebody coming down this street.

What is this, Del Mar?

Right?

I don't, I don't know, yeah.

Somebody just blew right on through without stopping.

And I'm like, hey, you did that wrong.

See what I'm saying?

We react to things.

And it's no big deal, because I was careful enough, right, in the rain, especially, that I hadn't pulled into the intersection.

But I'm thinking to myself, wow, I'm really glad that.

But you you get the point.

Anyways, I don't need to belabor that one.

But you see, when somebody does something or says something that either hurts or offends, okay?

I don't like what you just did.

And there's this gut reaction inside, and it's called anger.

And here's the good news God gave you that emotion.

Think about it.

How do I know?

Because the Bible tells us that God gets angry.

Did you know that?

Oh, yeah, read the Old Testament.

You can see his anger over injustice, over sin, over idolatry, over the way people treat the poor, all right?

In the Old Testament.

And then in the New Testament, look at the life of Jesus, right?

You remember this moment where he went into the temple?

Guys remember that story?

All right.

What did he do?

He saw all of these people selling stuff in the temple of God there in Jerusalem.

Now, what was happening, the historical background of that, is that people were coming from all over the world to worship God there at the temple in Jerusalem.

That's the way the whole uh Jewish religion was set up at the time.

But when they got there, if they wanted to do an animal sacrifice, which is what they were required to do, they had to buy the animal.

So you had all these guys selling animals for sacrifice.

And then the rules said that you couldn't use your local currency.

So now, if they're coming from Egypt or who knows, what some other country, they had to change their money.

Just like if you go to Europe, you got to change your dollars into euros, otherwise, you know, they won't accept it.

See what I'm saying?

But here's the problem: Jesus got angry at that because they were doing it in this place in the temple called the court of the Gentiles.

And it was a special area that was set aside for non-Jews to worship.

But they couldn't.

Why?

Because of all the noise and all the greed.

Because these guys selling the animals and the and the changing the money were charging exorbitant prices.

They were taking advantage of the situation.

Greed was operating here.

And Jesus, when he saw this, said, No, that's wrong.

And he had a righteous anger and he made a whip.

Remember, right?

In fact, if you guys watch The Chosen, I thought they did a great job portraying this if you're into that series, which is a great one to watch.

But he went around and he's kicking these guys' butts.

He's getting them out of here.

Get out of here, go somewhere else.

Why?

Because this is where people, especially non-Jews, this is where they're supposed to come and pray.

Because they're not allowed into the next part of the temple.

That's for the Jewish people only.

So Jesus got angry.

God gets angry.

And what does it tell us?

It says, be angry.

It's okay.

There is a righteous anger that God wants us to have about injustice in our world.

And I see this, by the way, among the brave men and women that I get to serve at the Wescovina Police Department.

They are motivated by injustice.

They don't like what they see going on in the world.

And they dedicate their lives to stopping that and protecting the innocent when they see evil on the streets.

That is a righteous anger.

Righteous anger is focused outward.

Sinful anger is focused inward.

It's about the personal offense.

But what I want to assure you is that it's okay to be angry.

It's what you do with the anger.

Are you with me?

Okay, so what does it say?

In your anger, do not sin, because anger can be sinful.

Ooh, it's quiet in here now.

All right?

How is anger sinful?

Anybody?

Because it hurts the person that you direct it towards.

Maybe it's a physical anger.

I mean a physical violence that you knock somebody down or punch them in the face or whatever.

You hurt them.

But more often than not, it's a verbal abuse or hurt that we inflict on someone else.

And you know what?

It's wrong.

And it's sinful, and there's an answer to it.

Why?

Jesus, I don't know if you know this about God, but he never tells us to do something in the Bible that we can't do.

Now we may think we can't do it.

Well, how do I, how would I possibly not sin and still be angry?

I'm gonna tell you how in just a moment.

But he's not telling you, you know what?

If you want to go to heaven, jump up and touch the moon.

Why?

Because we can't.

So he doesn't tell us to do that.

Okay, which is a whole nother topic, by the way, about okay, we can't earn our salvation and all that stuff.

But my point is this if he's saying be angry but don't sin, there is good evidence that he's gonna give you the ability to obey that.

Can I hear an amen?

Okay, so be angry but don't sin.

By the way, did you know that anger makes you dumb?

You ever notice that?

Anger really makes you dumb, and there's a reason for that.

Let me just explain the physiology behind anger.

So, somebody says or done something, you don't like it, and inside you just explode.

What physic physically happens to your brain at that moment is that the blood, check this out.

I'm not making this up, okay?

This you can do all kinds of research, and once again, if it's on the internet, it must be true.

I'm kidding.

But it really is true.

The blood flow shifts from the front part of your brain, which is where you make good decisions.

And it goes to the back part of your brain.

It's called the amygdala.

This is called the prefrontal cortex.

The blood flow, it doesn't shut it off because then your brain would die, but it shifts.

Why?

Because back here at the back part of your brain, it's called fight or flight.

That's what kicks in.

And now you start doing stuff or saying stuff and you stop thinking.

Like, for example, have you ever gone into a rage and said something or did something?

And then you calm down and you're like, Whoa what happened?

I lost control.

I've talked with and heard stories of guys that have gotten arrested for domestic violence.

Why?

Because they get in a fight, it escalates, they say something, and then their wife, you know, their wife is saying, I need to leave, I need to go, and she's trying to walk out of the room, and he's saying, No, you gotta talk.

And then he tries and he uses force to stop her.

Push, shove, close the door, or worse, and then she calls the cops on the guy.

Now what's gonna happen, right?

And you later, when these guys calm down, what do they say?

I just don't know what happened.

I lost control.

Hopefully, you've never experienced that, but I think all of us in here can identify with allowing anger to just overwhelm us where you say or do something that you significantly regret later.

Okay?

And by the way, in the book of Proverbs, there's three ways that the Bible describes anger.

Okay?

Three types, if you will, of anger.

Don't worry, there is an answer to all of this.

So let me give you the three types.

I got way ahead of my notes.

Okay, the first thing it says is that in Proverbs 14, 17, it says that some people are quick-tempered.

Okay?

Proverbs 14, 17, a quick-tempered person does foolish things.

All right.

So what is quick-tempered?

A quick-tempered person is the one that goes from zero to a hundred.

By the way, see if this is you, these different three types.

Which one is you?

Okay, zero to a hundred, like instant.

They're quick to go into that reactive mode and be angry.

Okay?

A second type, though, is the hot-tempered person.

Proverbs 15, 18 says this a hot-tempered person stirs up conflict.

Hot-tempered.

They don't go quickly, they're the slow build.

They're the ones that start thinking, uh-oh, I didn't like that.

I'm being disrespected, I can't let that stand.

And it just begins to build and build and build.

Anybody identify with this?

Yeah, okay.

Or maybe you know somebody that they get they and just it gradually builds.

But when they hit that point, look out, because then it's boom, it explodes.

The hot-tempered person.

But then there's one more type that I find.

This is this is a little bit me, okay?

Um, and that one is this.

Proverbs 22, 24.

Do not make friends with a hot-tempered person.

Do not associate with one easily angered.

Okay, so there's the quick temper, the hot temper, and then there's the easily angered.

What is the easily angered person?

They're the guy or gal who has a low tolerance to frustration.

Every little thing they react to.

Why?

They get angry because they are easily angered.

And the Bible speaks about that.

In fact, in 1 Corinthians 13, uh, the love chapter, it says that love does not dishonor, love is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered.

So we have these three types, if you will.

But let me go back to something I meant to say a little bit earlier.

When I was talking about be angry but don't sin.

Anger, once again, is a gift from God, just like all of your emotions.

It's not a bad emotion, it's a good emotion, because it warns us that something's happened that we don't like.

And dealing with it in a proper way not only causes us to have righteous anger and to do something to make a difference in our world, but it also, I would like to submit to you, can bring healing to your heart.

So here's what happened to me.

And I've seen this happen in a lot of other cases.

Earlier, I was talking about doing funerals, and like I said, I've done a lot over my career.

Um, but when I was 21, my dad died all of a sudden from a heart attack.

And I'm an only child, so it was just me and my mom and my dad.

And now he's gone.

And I was serving at the time as a youth pastor at a church out in Pomona, Pomona First Baptist Church.

Um, and or I was uh intern there.

Well, I was still in college, but I was interning there at Pomona First Baptist.

And I remember the pastor that I served with.

He called me into his office one day and he said, Kelly, what's going on?

Something's happening.

You're harsh, you're demanding, you're not fun to be with, the kids don't like you anymore.

I'm serving with junior high kids, by the way.

So word is getting back to my boss that something's wrong with Kelly.

All right?

That's what was going on.

And when he pointed it out, he said, What's going on?

I said, you know, I I think it has to do with the fact that my dad died six months ago.

And he said, Okay, well, here's what we're gonna do you're gonna go to therapy, and we're gonna pay for it.

By the way, there have been certain crossroads moments in my life, and that was one of them.

And I thank God to this day for the generosity of that church.

I'm a college student, I don't even know if APU, you know, I'm studying to be a pastor, I was going to Azusa Pacific.

I don't know if they had resources back in those days for students that needed mental health assistance, but I certainly did.

So they paid for me to go to this therapist, and I am so grateful for their generosity because it changed my life.

And who I am today is a result of what happened in that therapist's office back, whatever it's been, 40 years ago.

But here's what the therapist told me.

As we developed, you know, it wasn't the very first thing she led with.

But at one point in our conversation, she asked me this.

She said, Kelly, have you gotten angry at God for taking your dad?

And I went, Well, no, of course not.

I love God, I'm gonna serve God.

God's called me to be a pastor.

I'm in Bible college right now, studying to be a minister.

I don't want to, I don't, you know, I'm not gonna get angry at God.

And she said, it has nothing to do with your faith, nothing to do with your theology either.

It's just about dealing with the emotions in your heart over losing your dad.

Can anybody relate to this story?

A few days later, I'll never forget, in my room there, in uh this apartment that I was Uh staying out on campus there at Azusa Pacific, I began to allow myself to get angry at God.

And what happened is that all of the emotion that I had just stuffed inside for six months, because I didn't know what to do with it.

Maybe you've experienced something like this.

It all just came gushing out when I allowed myself to be angry.

So, once again, be angry but don't sin.

Anger can be healing when there is a righteous anger, when it's focused towards something that you don't like, something that you're protesting.

So maybe that's something.

And I've shared this story hundreds of times over the years with different people about you know what?

If you're holding on to all of that grief and loss because somebody that and the emotion, um see, we understand that when you when someone dies, it's okay to be sad.

We expect to be sad, but you know one of the other primary emotions at grief is anger.

So it's okay to be angry because somebody you love is not there with you.

Just a thought.

All right.

So all of this to say, what do we do with our anger?

But before I get there, I'm going there in just a moment.

But there's a couple other things I want to point out from this verse.

Okay?

So, going back to the text, in your anger, do not sin.

The next part says, do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.

Now, this is the part that I think is really misunderstood.

Because for years, I'd say for most of my pastoral career, what I thought that meant was if I'm angry at my wife, we better go make it, figure it out, and deal with the issue before it gets dark.

Because that's what the Bible says.

Let me suggest to you, that's not what it means.

Why?

Because sometimes if you're still angry, the worst time to talk and solve or resolve a problem is when you're still upset.

Come on, somebody, do you agree with me?

So, what does it actually say?

It says, do not let the sun go down while you are still angry.

So rather than trying to resolve the issue with the person that made you angry or that's angry at you, what do you need to do?

You need to look at the anger in your heart and do something about that and allow God to calm you down before the sun goes down.

Just a thought.

One last thought on this before I give you my tools.

Some tools.

All right.

And then it says this and don't let the devil have a foothold.

Okay?

Don't give the devil a foothold.

Be angry, but don't sin.

Don't let the sun go down while you're still angry, and don't give the devil a foothold.

What is a foothold?

Have you ever had a salesman come to your door and you knock on the door?

All right?

I remember probably a couple months ago, this guy comes and he knocks on my door or rings the bell, and I open the door, and he's like, hey dude, want to buy a solar panel system?

And I'm thinking to myself, okay, can't you see that I already own one?

It's on my roof, and he's like trying to sell me a new one.

And so I tell him this, and he's like, Yeah, but maybe it doesn't work well.

Let me evaluate it or whatever.

He's trying to sell me something I don't need.

Okay, now he didn't do this, but imagine that same salesman.

You open the door and they stick their foot in the doorway.

So now you're trying to get rid of this person and you're trying to shut the door, but their foot is in the way.

That, my friends, is exactly what the devil wants to do to you and to your loved ones and to all your relationships when you express your anger explosively.

He sticks his foot in your door, and he is not letting you shut that door.

Why?

And then the Bible tells us what his plan is.

John 10 10.

The thief comes only to steal, kill, and destroy your outbursts of anger, okay?

Devil wants to use that to destroy your family, your marriage, your dating relationship, your relationship with your parents, your siblings, everything in your life.

He wants to destroy it.

Why?

Because he hates you.

And what do we do?

We let him in because we don't know how to control our anger.

So be angry but don't sin.

Don't let the sun go down while you're still angry.

Calm down first.

And then don't give the devil a foothold.

All right, are you ready to learn how?

Anyone with me so far?

Okay.

Now I remember when I was in seminary, not too far from here, Fuller Seminary here in Pasadena, they said the secret to a good message is to say one thing.

Well, guess what?

I am breaking that rule big time today.

I'm gonna give you 10 things.

Ten ways that you can overcome anger.

Are you ready for this?

I'm gonna go fast.

But once again, back when I was in school, we didn't have the internet, right?

They had dinosaurs walking down Colorado Boulevard.

It was really cool.

I remember arriving one home one day.

No, I'm kidding.

Anyways, now we have the internet and you got podcasts and you got videos, so check this out later if I go too fast.

But I want to give you 10 ways to control the anger so that the devil doesn't use anger in your life to destroy you.

Are you ready?

Okay, way number one is this.

You gotta surrender your anger to the Lord.

Jesus in Luke 9.23 says this if anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me.

So what does that mean?

Deny yourself.

It means you don't get to do what you want to do.

Because yeah, in the moment you want to just let it all out, to explode, to just tell that person what you really think and how you really feel.

And in our anger, come on, somebody, we're not looking to just share information.

We want revenge.

No?

I do sometimes.

I want to hurt the person that hurt me.

And that's why this is so dangerous.

Why?

Because we're not just talking about expressing it, we're talking about hurting somebody with our words.

And words, remember that saying, sticks and stones can break my bones with words?

Uh-uh.

It is not true.

Words are hurtful.

And I cannot tell you, once again, meeting with a couple.

I need out.

I want out.

I'm gonna divorce this guy.

I can't trust him.

What did he do?

Did he cheat on you?

No.

What did he do?

Did he take all your money and spend it on drugs or something?

No.

What did he do?

He got angry at me.

And now the lady wants a divorce?

Why?

Because that anger wasn't just anger, it was explosive and it was hurtful and it damaged her spirit.

And I've had men say the same thing about what their wife.

In fact, I had a conversation just the other day with a guy who's like, that's it, I can't trust you.

Why?

What does she do?

It was her anger directed towards him.

That's how real this is.

That's why we've got to come and recognize.

So, step number one, or way number one, is you've got to give it to Jesus.

What does that mean?

Admit that you can't manage this on your own.

If I got any people in recovery here, step one of the 12 steps says, I admit that I am powerless over my addiction and that my life has become unmanageable.

So come to the Lord.

Maybe it's not an addiction, but admit, God, I can't fix this anger problem that I have.

I need you.

It is unmanageable and it is controlling my life.

Or it might control my life if I'm not careful.

Maybe you don't see yourself as an anger issue now, but if it continues to build and you don't learn different habits and ways of dealing with it, it's going to get worse.

So you got to bring it to Jesus and surrender it.

As I said, Luke 9.23, the key word in that verse is daily.

So one day at a time you surrender and you say, God, give me your strength and help me to not explode.

Okay?

Give me your strength and help me not to explode.

And as you grow in your relationship with God, oh, okay, a couple other things before I get to that point.

I think what's helpful as well is that we start calling explosive anger sin.

Because we don't, do we?

Well, did you sin?

No, I just exploded.

Right?

No, it's sin.

It is, folks.

Why?

Because of what it does to the person that you direct it towards.

It's hurtful, it's damaging.

So when we call it sin, what do we do?

Well, we feel guilty.

But you know what?

If you are guilty, it's a good thing.

Why?

Because when you feel guilty about what you've done to hurt somebody with your words, then you can go and be forgiven.

So we need to call it sin and we need to take it to Jesus and we need to say, God, please forgive me for what I just said to this person.

Forgive me.

And then you got to go and ask them to forgive you too.

But that's another topic.

You see what I'm saying though?

Let's take this seriously and bring it to the Lord and ask God to change our hearts.

Now, how can He do that?

Galatians 5, 22 says this.

It says that the fruit of the Spirit, and let me read them to you.

I had to write them down, I had to look them up earlier.

All right, where am I in my notes?

All right, the fruit of the spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control.

What is going to control the anger in your heart?

It's when God develops the fruit of the spirit of self-control.

So it's coming to the Lord and saying, God, I can't fix this on my by myself.

I need your help.

Change my heart.

And one day at a time, you get up in the morning and you ask God to give you the strength to not explode, not be quick-tempered, hot-tempered, or easily angered over the stuff that's going on around you.

Okay?

And watch how God is gonna transform your heart when you really invite him in to change your life.

Can I hear an amen on that?

God wants to set you free from this thing, this anger thing going on in your life.

So that's step number one.

Not really steps, it's just suggestions, number one.

Number two is this don't repress, don't express, but address.

Okay.

Repress.

Some people say you got an anger problem, just stuff it inside.

Just don't let it out.

You got to control the beast.

No, it doesn't work.

Why?

Because it's gonna come out anyways.

Am I right?

Okay, other people say, you know what, it's wrong to hold it inside, just let it out.

But we know that is gonna cause more problems.

By the way, have you ever noticed that the more you express your anger, the angrier you get?

Yeah, why?

You are feeding the beast by just venting it all over somebody.

Okay, so what do we gotta do?

We gotta address it.

What does that mean?

Bring it to Jesus.

God, I'm angry.

I didn't like what they said.

I didn't like what they did.

Help me, Lord, to learn how to express that properly.

So don't repress, don't express, but address it.

Okay, number three.

Am I going too fast for you guys?

Is this helpful?

Notice the early warning signs when you're starting to get angry.

What are those?

A flush of heat in your face, neck, or chest.

Your fists begin clenching without realizing it, your heart rate picks up, there's a tightening in your stomach or your shoulders.

And here's the one that I get all the time: an urge to interrupt and raise your voice.

Oh yeah.

Wait, no.

Ah! You know?

So, watch for the early warning signs.

And when you see them, here's number four.

Name what you're feeling.

What are you feeling in that moment?

Well, it's obvious I'm feeling anger.

Well, say that to yourself.

Why?

Because it gets your brain re-engaged.

Number five, ask God in that moment to help you respond and not react.

Reacting is that emotional explosive thing.

Responding is when you think, what can I do to respond to this in a way that's not gonna make the situation work?

I need to say something, but I'm getting really angry right now, so maybe I need to hold my tongue.

Just that little pause is gonna change everything, okay?

So, but ask God to help you in that moment.

Number six, calm down.

I know.

Don't ever say that to somebody when they're angry.

But you know what you can do?

You can say it to yourself.

And let me tell you how.

You say to that person, somebody's made you angry, it's building, you're gonna explode.

You just say to them, give me a moment.

Call a timeout on yourself and walk away and do two things breathe and have a drink of water.

Okay?

I guarantee you, this is what my police friends taught me to do to help other people.

And I've seen, I remember one time, I don't know if you were there, Mel, but maybe it might have been that day.

I remember one time this guy came to my office in Wescovina, and um he had he had actually seen his wife kissing another man.

I don't know exactly how, but he did, and he was livid.

He was there with his two sons who were like early teens, and they were outside, and he was in my office, and this guy was literally talking about killing his wife, killing this other guy, and then killing himself.

Hey man, have a drink of water.

He opens it up, he drinks some water.

It's like magic.

I'm guarantee you, there are very few things in life I can guarantee.

This is one of them.

Try it.

Next time you get angry, have a drink of water.

What it does is that it shifts the blood flow thing from fight or flight back to where you start thinking.

And I asked the guy once he calmed down, now, do you really want to kill yourself?

Do you really want to kill your wife?

Think about those two boys outside.

What is what do you want to do?

How do you want to ruin their lives?

He goes, Yeah, you're right.

Okay, well, let's talk about what you can do.

See what I'm saying?

This really works, okay?

A drink of water.

All right, number six.

Number seven, here's another tip.

Replace the word should with the word wish.

Okay?

Like the guy that ran across the intersection out here on my way here.

My reaction was, hey, he shouldn't do that.

Well, I already knew well enough that, you know what, just let it go.

He's already gone, anyways.

But we get angry at people and their driving habits, right?

Or sometimes maybe you make a nice dinner for your husband and he comes home and he's like, oh, I'm not hungry.

And he goes off and watches TV or looks at his phone all evening.

Nope, what do you do?

Well, he shouldn't do that.

You're right, he shouldn't.

But here's a secret.

Here's a tip.

Take the word should out of your vocabulary and use the word wish.

You know, I wish that you would, if I make dinner for you, I wish you would at least say thank you and eat it.

At least try it.

Something, right?

It changes the whole dynamic when you switch the word and start using wish instead of should.

So here's the word you gotta tell yourself.

Here's the saying don't should all over people.

Think about it.

Okay, that was number seven.

Number eight, ask yourself what you actually need.

Because many times what we're feeling underneath the anger is an unmet need.

So what is it?

Okay?

Maybe it's respect.

Maybe it's to be heard because everybody keeps ignoring you.

Maybe it's because you're afraid that a situation is going to get out of control if you don't intervene and nobody's cooperating.

And so you're afraid of what's happening.

Ask yourself what you really need, and then try to get that need met, okay?

And then number eight is this.

No, that was number eight.

Okay, number nine, after you calm down, confront.

In other words, have a calm conversation with the person that offended you.

Hey, you know what?

When you said this the other day, I didn't really like that.

It made me feel disrespected.

Made me feel angry.

And then you make a request.

So would you please not do that next time?

And then if they loved you, they're not gonna get defensive.

What are they gonna do?

They're gonna apologize.

And then you can say, okay, thank you, I forgive you.

And then it's gone.

But we need to see what we we're afraid of confronting.

So what do we do instead?

We hold it inside and then it builds and builds and builds, and then they do one little thing and then it explodes, right?

You ever been there?

So, on a regular basis, learn how to confront.

And then finally, that was number nine.

Number ten is this get some help.

If anger is taking control of your life, or as this seems like a demon that you just cannot beat, there are people out there that can help you, and I'm one of them.

Okay?

Now, maybe it's joining a group somewhere that deals with anger.

Maybe it's reading a book or listening to some podcasts or videos or something that's going to give you some tools, but maybe you need help from a therapist or from a life coach like myself.

So don't try to beat this on your own.

If you've tried and it's always been unsuccessful, recognize that it's not weak, but it's wise to get some help.

So, has this been helpful for you guys today?

You appreciate this?

All right, let's pray.

Thank you, Lord, that you don't want anger to destroy our lives.

We don't want to give the devil a foothold.

We want to be wise.

We want to walk in your blessing, and we want to see the enemy defeated.

So, God, I pray that you would remind us of these things.

Lord, that we would learn how to get a handle on our anger, that we wouldn't just react emotionally.

And yet, Lord, that we're gonna learn how to be angry but don't sin.

So thank you, God, that you are gonna help us do that as we come and surrender our lives to you.

And I just pray your blessing over every person here, especially that might be struggling with this issue, or know somebody that's struggling with it, Lord, that you would bless their relationships and help that angry person get the help that they need.

But here today, before I close, if you're here and you don't know who Jesus is, or you've never given your life to the Lord, or maybe watching online, let me give you an opportunity to do that.

Because really, coming to the Lord with an anger problem, the first step is to say, Jesus, I need you to be my Lord and Savior.

And really what it is, it's coming and recognizing that you cannot save yourself, but that Jesus provided a way so that you could be forgiven.

And that is when he died on the cross and rose again 2,000 years ago.

And what he did that day now can change your life today.

So it's coming and saying, Lord, I need you and I give my life to you.

And maybe for the first time, or maybe it's something that you did a long time ago or in the past, and now you need to make a recommitment because you've kind of gotten away from God.

If that's you, I just want to know if I can pray for you now in this moment.

So just look up at me and raise your hand if you're saying, Yes, Pastor, I want to give my life to Jesus.

I want to make a new commitment to the Lord.

Anybody here?

Hallelujah.

Yes, yes.

All right, tell you what, let's all pray this prayer together.

Just repeat this after me.

Lord Jesus, I thank you that you love me.

Thank you, Lord, that you died and rose again so that I could be forgiven of my sin.

I give you my life, Lord, and I ask you to forgive me.

And I choose to follow you and serve you.

Thank you for loving me.

Amen.

And Lord, once again, we just thank you, God, for the new commitments of faith.

And Lord, for those, I pray, God, that you would help us all struggle in our struggle against the flesh and against the enemy and his strategy to destroy our lives with our unexpressed anger, with our explosive anger.

So, God, help us to have good relationships and that you would calm our hearts.

Help us, Lord, that our needs should be met.

Give us courage to confront so that things don't build up.

And we thank you, God, for how you're gonna use us to be a blessing to others and to make a difference in this world.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

Thank you so much for tuning in to today's message.

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