Raising Kids Who Follow Jesus: Faith Over Perfection

Well, hey, good morning, everybody. I'm excited to have you guys with us this morning.

I'm going to full morning, kicking off a new series, baptisms,

group signups. Let's go.

Today is the start of the imperfect family.

Maybe you guys resonate with that a little bit, right? That not everything is perfect in your family.

I got to start here because I think sometimes people have a misconception about pastors.

Sometimes people look at me and maybe my family think, well,

you're a pastor. You guys must have your perfect, nice little family.

I hate to burst your bubble. we don't.

I love my family. I'm immensely blessed by my family. My family is in here,

but we are by no means perfect.

Every family has issues. Every family has some weirdos, right?

Every family has conflict. Every family has problems.

The perfect family is a lie. I want to share a story from my house this past

week. I just want to be upfront from the beginning.

This is a story about me failing as a dad, right?

I have a child, going to remain nameless, who wanted to help make dinner. It's awesome.

I was trying to show this child something. I was like, hey, when I take this

off and you pick up that spoon, like keep the spoon over the pot so that that

red sauce doesn't spill everywhere.

You know, it's red sauce. We've got white countertops.

Immediately, this child picks it up, moves it away.

The red sauce gets on the side of the pot, underneath the stove,

on the counter and on the ground.

Like any grown adult speaking to a child whose brain is still being formed,

I met that situation with abundant grace.

I wish that was true, right? What did I do?

Not at all, I didn't do that. Are you kidding me? I just said,

don't move it away from the pot, right?

The mess needed to be addressed, but the level that I responded to it with was

not equal to the mess that was created.

A wet paper towel, fix that in 15 seconds, right? What are you doing?

Does anybody resonate with me on that? That sometimes it's just like, our family's a mess.

I apologize. We moved on. But the truth is no family is perfect.

You have issues, struggles, failures, and here's the deal. If that's you,

and I know it is, this series is for you.

And I'm not speaking from a position of authority who has a perfect family.

I don't. It's the exact opposite.

We're all in the same boat. When I'm speaking from the Word of God,

and when God's Word is the authority, we can have supreme confidence in this

message because His Word never fails. It doesn't.

So right now, let's get our hearts ready for what God has for us in his word.

Would you guys put your arms out with your palms up? Close your eyes.

Just a posture of surrender. Take a deep breath.

And remember, God is just as near as the air we're breathing. Let's pray.

God, today, would you guide us closer to you? Help our minds put away the frustrations

of the past week. to put away the distractions of the coming week.

We want to fully focus on you.

We come empty with nothing to offer but surrender. Fill us up as only you can.

Holy Spirit, move in here today with power. We believe that in advance,

and we ask all these things in Jesus' name and all God's people said, amen, amen.

It's been said that families are the most powerful system that any of us will

experience in our lives, that the family you raised in that will form you and

shape you in ways that are hard for you to comprehend.

In psychology, they call that family systems theory. I'm not a psychologist,

but just some cliff notes on what they say.

Roughly ages five to 12, you are doing everything as an adolescent to try to make sense of the world.

Try to make sense of those world in those formative years and how you make sense

of the world then is how you're gonna try to make sense of the world moving forward.

But the problem with that is that what makes sense in your world when you are a kid.

Wouldn't make sense if you were going to that as an adult. The way you view

the world is wrong or maybe skewed, like your brain literally isn't formed all the way.

And so another thing that happens is, this is often what people call a childhood vow.

Something happens when you're young and as a little person, you're thinking

about it and you make this decision in response to what's going on around you.

And usually those vows involve things like, I will never, I will always, or I am.

Here's some examples of maybe you've seen, or maybe you know,

they're kind of coming. I will never cry or show weakness.

I will always be strong. I am a burden, so I'll be quiet.

I will never be good enough. I will take care of everyone else.

According to psychology, your family is the strongest system that you've ever been through.

And I think knowing that your family shaped you and being able to recognize

that, maybe pick up on some of the childhood vows that you made that maybe you

need to let go of, there is wisdom in all of that. I think that there's some good in that.

It can give you a sense of why you think the way that you think.

I'm not dunking on that at all, but our hope as believers, our hope isn't in

understanding our family better and figuring out that puzzle.

The hope that we have is so much greater.

Your family might be the most powerful system you've ever been through.

That can be true. I'm good with that. But Jesus is our hope and he is our savior.

And in him, there is freedom and there is forgiveness. And he is so much stronger

than whatever has happened to you or your family.

There is no life. There is no relationship, no family that is so far gone that God can't redeem.

And so as we start this series, talking about family, talking about parenting

and raising kids and all the fun stuff in between your hope as a husband,

your hope as a wife, as a mom, a dad, as a student, it is not in your ability

to keep it all together. Can I get an amen?

Our hope is in Jesus. Don't be overwhelmed. Don't be afraid.

God has got this.

Whatever heartache you're going through, whether it has to do with your family

or maybe it's outside of it. He has got it. He does.

Today, we're going to be talking about raising kids that follow Jesus.

Before I get into that, I got to acknowledge because there's a few different groups in here.

I think probably the largest group is parents with a house full of kids.

Here's my message to you. You're going to make it.

You needed to hear that. I needed to hear that. You're going to make it.

There's someone here who are empty nesters.

You might look back on when the kids were in the house and you think,

man, I wish I'd have done this different. I wish done that different.

And you know what? Maybe you should have. Do not live with regret and shame

because that's not the way of Jesus.

Speak into your adult children's life as much as they'll allow.

You never graduate from being their mom or dad. You don't. They're always there.

And for those of you who might be a little younger, maybe you've yet to experience

being a parent or parenthood, you'll never be fully prepared for parenting.

It's also never too early to start preparing. Like both of those things can be true.

And so as we answer this question today, I know everybody's coming at it from

a different perspective.

I think there's wisdom in God's word for everybody, regardless of the season you find yourself in.

So how do you raise kids that follow Jesus?

If you are a Jesus follower, you need to be thinking about that.

Because the truth is faith isn't inherited by the next generation.

Like it just doesn't go down the line.

It has to be transferred. It needs to be tied. It isn't just automatic.

The same way you teach your son to throw a ball, the same way you teach your

daughter to braid hair, we have to teach the next generation the ways of Jesus.

You have to. Proverbs 22, six says, this is a very well-known parenting verse

says, direct your children onto the right path. And when they're older, they will not leave it.

It is passages like this that encourage me so, so much when I have a meltdown over spilt red sauce.

Because that's just one moment. My kids are 12, 10, and 5. They're still in the house.

We are doing what we can, as best as we can, to try to put them on the right path right now.

We want them to love Jesus, to follow him, especially as pastor's kids.

I don't know if you heard the joke about PKs, right? Pastor's kids,

they're going to either end up in ministry or they're going to end up in prison.

It's a coin flip, right? I'm just praying they end up. I mean,

if those are the options, not prison.

But there's so much to worry about when it comes to raising your kids and their future.

God doesn't want us to worry about the future, right? It says,

when they're older, they will not leave it. He's not saying for you to worry about it then.

Direct them on the right path now. He wants us to be present and here right now.

And our hope, what God's word says is that when they are older, they will not leave it.

Deuteronomy 6, it kind of gives us some great wisdom into how to put them on the right path.

Raising kids that follow Jesus, it gives us both some like pragmatic direction,

like practically how to do this and some spiritual direction.

So let me hop in. Deuteronomy 6, verse 4.

Deuteronomy 6:4

Listen, O Israel, the Lord is our God, the Lord alone.

And you must love the Lord, your God, with all your heart, soul, and strength.

This is the spiritual part. It says, the Lord is the Lord alone.

The point is that you should have no other gods before God. Like,

Jesus stands alone as Lord.

Now, when we hear this, you might think, well, I'm a Christian,

I'm a Jesus follower. I don't follow other gods.

And in those days, I think about they had like physical idols,

like little statues that were to other gods, a little less common in our day

to have a physical idol, like that you'd say, this is a God.

And an idol is simply this, anything you put above God, anything you put above God is an idol.

And I think whenever you read scripture, if you're thinking about idols being

other gods, it's easy to kind of get distracted by like, I don't,

I don't have a little brass cat that I'm worshiping or like,

you know, I mean, it might not be like that.

An idol is anything you put above God.

Here's some idols that I think we see a lot of in our community.

These aren't necessarily evil in themselves, but when we put these things,

these idols above God, it gets us into trouble.

I'm just going to go through a handful of them that I think are common in our community.

Use sports and travel ball. If your kid's at the ball field more than they're

at church, you probably got something out of whack there.

Social media, smartphone addiction. I saw somebody on social media say this.

They said, the reason you got your kid a tablet is so you could sit on your

phone and play on yours. So I was like, oh, snap. That was good.

Another thing, money, power, and success. More, more, more. Another,

the last idol I got in here, and there could be a long list, comfort.

People just want to be comfortable. God, I would do that, but that really makes me uncomfortable.

Instead of those idols, those things that aren't bad, but when we put them in

the wrong place, they lead us the wrong way.

What he's saying here in Deuteronomy 6 is instead, love the Lord your God with

all your heart, all your soul, and all your strength.

Again, this is the spiritual part to raising kids that follow Jesus.

If you want your kids to follow Jesus, the first thing you need to do is follow him yourself.

So much of what our kids learn is caught, not taught.

I got an example of this. A while back, my daughter was on a prayer kick.

We prayed together before dinner, nothing all that wild. And she was adamant.

She's still kind of adamant about praying. But there for a bit,

she would say, I got to pray.

My other son would start praying and she would kick him out. She's praying over him.

And she, I got to pray. Bow her head, close her hands together.

And she said, God, our father, God, our father.

Amen. And you didn't really pray, girl.

My family did not sit down and tell her that you got our father,

got our father. Maybe that was a song. And kids were like, she picked that up.

She wasn't taught that. She caught that.

Kids catch a lot more than they're taught. Our children are sponges.

They're soaking up all that we are doing.

And that is both encouraging and discouraging. Can I get an amen?

That is encouraging and discouraging.

I was driving the other day we're getting off the turnpike and the car in front

of us was going slow But in the flow of traffic like how it was kind of backed up.

It made it made sense that they were going slow But one of my sons blurted out.

Come on go the speed limit I was like yikes.

You need to stay away from your mother. She is nope Like that was absolutely

that was me picked up from me.

They are sponges soaking up everything you do.

They're not sponges soaking up everything you say or everything you say to do.

They are soaking up what you do.

That is both encouraging and discouraging, right?

They pick up the good and the bad. They soak it up. That is why God is telling

us spiritually, the first thing, love him with all that you've got.

Love him with all that you've got, heart, soul, and strength.

You cannot lead your kids to a place to follow Jesus that you're not at.

If you want them to follow Jesus, be sure that you're following him till you

can't give what you don't possess.

I had one pastor say, kids don't do what's moral, they do what's modeled. It's like, ouch.

They don't do what's moral, they do what's modeled. The single best thing you

can do to pass the faith is to have an intimate relationship with Jesus.

If you're walking closely with Jesus, that is going to affect your children.

Verse six, and you must commit yourselves wholeheartedly to the commands that I'm giving you today.

Repeat them again and again to your children. Talk about them when you are at

home, when you're on the road,

when you're going to bed, when you're getting up, tie them on your hands,

wear them on your forehead as reminders, write them on your doorpost of your house and on your gates.

A little bit of context here.

Chapter six of Deuteronomy, we're just past God giving the 10 commandments in chapter five.

And there's even like a lot more than just the 10 commandments about how God's

people are supposed to live at that time.

And the point that he's getting at here is you have to share God's ways,

like how God wants you to operate in your home.

Like not just on Sundays or somewhere else. You have to share how God operates in your home.

If every home made sure that everyone in their home was following God's way,

the world would look completely different in like the best possible way.

And how does God tell them to make sure that their homes knows the ways of God?

Consistency. Like make it a part of what you are doing.

He's like, when you're getting ready for the day, when you're getting ready

for bed, when you're at home, when you're away,

he's saying, tie them around your wrist, put it on your forehead,

make a verse, the lock screen on your phone, put the word of God on the walls

and repeat them again and again and again and again to your children.

When you love Jesus with all your heart, soul, and strength,

you can't help but talk about his ways. It's every part of life.

It's the consistency where you start to see the growth happen,

where you start to see good things move, when you start to see God move in your

life and your family's life.

Our theme for this year at Refuge Church is brick by brick. That brick by brick,

if you want to follow Jesus, that happens brick by brick, day by day.

It's in the consistency.

That's the secret sauce. Another word might be faithfulness.

Now, one rhythm my family has and something we still do, and we do this every

day, basically without fail.

Every night before bed, I tell my kids the three things. Just three things.

This is something that works with us. I'm just telling you, this is prescriptive,

not descriptive. This is what we do in our house.

I need, I tell the kids every night when they're in bed, I need you to know three things.

I need you to know that dad loves you. I need you to know that mom loves you.

And most important of all, I need you to know that Jesus loves you.

We just made a decision that as a family, as our kids got older,

we needed them to know that mom and dad love them.

Like, even if you're frustrated with us, and I think teenagers,

that's just like, I've heard that comes with the territory.

We're picking up on it. I don't know. You guys can tell but I want my kids to

know even if they're frustrated with mom and dad mom and dad love them,

And even more so than mom and dad, Jesus loves them. That's not going to change.

And here's what's funny is that's a part of our normal nighttime routine.

If for some reason, like we miss that, like it's a weekend or like somebody's

just kind of having a movie night on the couch or whatever, it's just a little different.

They know that's what we do every night. And so if we don't say it,

like one of them will come and tell us, say, you never said the three things.

It's like, I thought you were asleep. You know, you just sit in bed waiting on him.

Nothing special about that. It's just consistent. It's a part of what we do.

One night, and my daughter's young, one night after saying the three things,

and you know, Kenley, you know, dad loves you. Yeah, you know,

mom loves you. Yeah, and most important of all, she goes, Jesus.

I love it. She's adorable. And then, and then right after that,

she says, Jesus lives in my closet.

I was like, well, like, I'm glad you feel like he's near. Okay, that's good.

She doesn't get it all just yet, but we're moving. She knows Jesus loves her.

When you repeat something over and over and over again, it starts to stick.

God is telling us that whatever you are doing, and you're coming,

and you're going, when you're getting up, when you're at home,

when you're away, you need to be sharing the ways of Jesus with your house.

And if you go back to that first step, it should be a natural flow from who

you are as a Jesus follower.

It should be the norm in your house to talk about God and what he has done for

you and what he is doing in.

If you were to look at your house, how often is Jesus' name mentioned?

Just a little reflection question. Do you operate in ways that honor Jesus in his ways?

Or is that something that's reserved only for Sundays?

Like here's the part, and I think this is in a good way a reality check.

It's easy to act, to come together and act like you got it together for an hour on Sunday.

Like you can fake it for an hour. What about the other 167 hours of the week?

How are we doing on those? Because as much as I believe in God's church and

our gathering together, and we're not gonna forsake that, there's something

special about that, your family needs to know to follow Jesus all the time.

Not just for one hour a week.

Does your house operate in a way that honors Jesus in his ways?

Is his name being spoken throughout your house?

And you're coming and you're going on home at the road.

So wherever you find yourself today, whether you feel like you're crushing it

at this family thing, like things are going in the right way,

or you feel like you've just failed miserably, I've got the same advice for both people.

Turn to Jesus and take the next step.

Turn to Jesus and take the next step. Jesus is the only one who can solve your problems.

Jesus is the only one who understands you completely and loves you fully.

Turn to him and take your next step. Your next step could be,

hey, you know what? As a family, we're gonna start praying before each meal

we have together. Every night before dinner, we're gonna pray.

Your next step could be, hey, we're gonna do a family devotional.

Your next step could be, hey, we're gonna host a small group at the house.

We're gonna invite people over. We're gonna get into the Word.

Your next step could be, you know what? We're gonna read the Bible every day.

I don't care what it is. It's not up to me.

Turn to Jesus and take your next step. There is always a next step.

God's never done working in your life.

Maybe your next step is to get baptized. We've got a handful of people here taking that step today.

I know it's why some of you guys are here. Many of you guys are here today to

see someone you love that is getting baptized.

That's awesome. When you put your faith in Jesus, he wants you to go public with your faith.

Baptism is telling everybody that you've decided to follow Jesus.

It's a picture of what Jesus has done for us.

This is one of my favorite ways to explain baptism.

I've got a question for you. It's a trick question.

I'm up front. Throw that picture up there.

Is this my daughter, Kinley? If you said yes, you're wrong. I heard that,

Deacon. All right, wherever you are. I hurt, all right.

It's not my daughter, Kinley. She is around the corner, raising all kinds of

trouble in the kids' class.

It's a picture of her. It's just a picture of her.

If I carried around a picture of her and I treated it like it was actually her,

you'd think I'm crazy, right?

I was trying to put her in a car seat, a picture of her in a car seat.

You're like, what is he doing? It's just a picture.

Baptism is a picture of what Jesus has done for us.

It's a picture of Jesus' life, death, and resurrection.

It is a picture of the hope that we have as Jesus followers.

Baptism doesn't save us. It doesn't give us special powers or extra grace.

It is simply a picture of what Jesus has done for us.

Everybody's getting baptized today. They have made the decision to follow Jesus.

Their faith is in him and they are walking in obedience by getting baptized.

And I wanna offer an invitation to any adults here this morning that maybe you

haven't been baptized yet, but your faith is already in Jesus.

You believe in his life, death, burial, and resurrection, but you've not been

baptized. I just wanna offer an invitation.

No pressure, an invitation. If

your faith is in Jesus and you want to be baptized, let's make it happen.

If that's you, you might be thinking, well, what am I going to wear?

Guess what? We already thought about that. We got a t-shirt in your size.

We got shorts. We even got drawers, all right? We got everything that you need to get dunked today.

If that's you, I've got Don and Kelsey in the back over there and they would

be more than happy to get you ready for baptisms.

So here's how we're gonna wrap up. I'm gonna pray and the team is gonna lead

us in a couple more songs of worship and then we are going to have baptisms.

If you're here today and you're ready to get baptized, as soon as I say amen

and the music begins to play, just head to the back over there and we will get

you all ready for baptisms. Let's pray.

God, I'm so thankful for what you've done for us on the cross that we don't

have to earn, we don't have to perform to earn our relationship with you, God.

We have that because you are our Father and you completed everything.

It is finished on the cross and you sealed it with the empty tomb.

That there is nothing in this world that could separate us from you because it is finished.

God, if there's anybody here who's put their faith in you, but has not taken

that step of obedience to baptism, God.

And I pray that today would be the day they step into obedience,

into your word, that they would publicly proclaim Jesus as Lord through the act of baptism.

I pray that we would raise families, raise kids that follow you.

God, that's only possible if we ourselves are following you.

I pray that this would be a room of people who are all in on what you're doing.

I ask all these things in Jesus' name. Amen.

Hey, if you want to get baptized as the band begins to play,

head to the back seat. Don and Kelsey, let's stand and worship together.