LOVE LIES: How to RUIN your relationship before it STARTS // Relationships (part 1) // Pastor Drew

Well, you can be seated. Our group hosts

are going to come up.

We are starting five new groups

tomorrow actually, which we are really,

really excited about. We've worked hard

to have groups that we feel are going to

be beneficial to your life. We really

believe that Sundays, the whole point of

why we have a lunch after service, why

we do groups, you know, it takes a lot

to have a lunch, right? And we just want

to be a church that is about real

relationships because we just don't

believe that church was ever meant to

come and to sit down and to walk out the

doors and you have no connection. you

have no

way of continuously being transformed

because God just doesn't do that outside

of relationship. And so we want this to

be a place where you come and you we

gather together as a community, as a

family, where you feel like you know

people, you feel like you can be

vulnerable with people and be exactly

who you are. And then we all go out and

we change this world. That's our heart

and that's our prayer. So, we're going

to give our group hosts just a moment to

share about their group and then after

the service, we're going to walk out

these doors and there's going to be high

tops where all of the groups are just

going to share or they'll be at a high

top and you can sign up for their group

um if you'd like to be a part of it. So,

take it away, Mason.

>> My name is Mason. My wife Laura and I

are leading a marriage group. And thank

you, Morgan.

I think of marriage in kind of three

different categories. Uh one can be just

a marriage that's just um honestly

struggling, right? Really hurting and

really broken.

The middle is one that's just good, but

maybe a little plain. Like things aren't

bad, but they also aren't great. They're

kind of in the middle. And then the top

one is a marriage that's on mission

together. Because the spirit of man is

most empowered when he's joined with the

female as well. And the same with woman.

She is most powerful when she's joined

with man. A man was made from dirt and

the breath of God. And a woman was made

from man. And you only experience true

union when the male and the field come

male and female come together with the

Lord. So marriage should be one of the

greatest tools in the kingdom of heaven

>> for transforming this world, which means

it's also one of the greatest targets of

the enemy.

>> For breaking down the world. So we're

going to be covering marriage and we're

going to help people move up that ladder

no matter where you are at.

>> This is my favorite topic. So I'm going

to try not to preach and give a whole

message here, but this is what I want to

say. If you are in a marriage that is

struggling in any capacity, I want you

to know it's probably not just because

you're a terrible person. Marriage is so

much bigger than you. It is a spiritual

uh union between two people and the

enemy wants nothing else than for your

marriage to struggle, break up,

dissolve, drain the life out of you. And

I want you to know that we're trying to

make this not a typical marriage thing,

not just go through a book. We're going

to give you pattern breaks. You might

just be repeating patterns you've seen

since you were a kid because that's what

your parents did and their parents and

their parents. And we're going to give

you a pattern break. You might be under

attack living in the culture that the

enemy wants for your marriage. We're

going to help get you some culture shock

and introduce the culture of heaven into

your marriage.

Well, hello women of collective.

Do you ever feel like you want to read

the Bible, but when you open it up, you

don't know where to start? Or it seems

confusing or maybe honestly a little bit

boring? Well, we have got a group for

you that is designed to help you dive

deeper and get the most out of your time

in the word. And my friend Ola is going

to tell you a little bit more about it.

>> Hi, I'm Ola. And in this group study,

we're going to be taking a closer,

deeper look

into the scripture. And by doing that,

what we want, why we want to do it is so

that it can be clearer, it can be more

meaningful, and we can confidently

engage in it on our own. So, how are we

going to do this? We're going to learn

simple tools that will help us do this.

We're going to ask great questions,

right? and we're going to grow together.

So, if this sounds like you, we'd like

to see you in the lobby at the signup

after service and we'd like to meet you.

So, it's going to be at Kingsway Church

Monday evenings from 6:00 to 8:00 p.m.

and and there's free daycare, child care

provided, so no excuses.

Uh my name's Robert and uh Christian and

I are going to be leading men's group.

Uh we actually meet at the same time in

the same location as the women's group.

So uh couples and spouses if you guys

want to each attend men's and women's

group uh and then we have childc care

provided. So, uh, it's a great time and

we're going to be covering the life of

David, uh, King David and, uh, kind of

his life leading up to being king, his,

uh, tenure as king, and then his legacy,

uh, after he was, uh, after he, uh,

passed along the throne to his, uh, son,

King Solomon. Well,

and I would add one of the best things

is growing as men together in fellowship

but deeper with the Lord. It it is a

hard life and when you're leading as men

when you can do it with other men,

there's strength in numbers. And so I

encourage you, you know, it's it's hard,

but connect, be with us, join us. We'd

love to have you.

They really did save the best for next

to last.

>> So we meet every other Tuesday, the

second and the fourth Tuesday of the

month. Um we have been doing something

different. We do a dinner one of those

Tuesdays. And at that dinner time we we

talk about something that um we can find

the answer in scripture. So last season,

I know we had a topic of, hey, when when

I'm struggling with health or I'm

struggling with God not answering, what

do I do? That was one of our topics. And

then the other Tuesday, we have a game

night. So, uh, we really are a fun

group. Every other Tuesday, the second

and the fourth,

who's ready for groups?

Awesome. Well, hey, my name is Russ and

I lead a group with my lovely wife

Nikki. She's on the drums today. Give me

a drum roll, Nikki. Oh, no. Okay, she's

not going to give me a drum roll. Dang

it. Uh, and then Mark and Satie, they're

our co-hosts. And uh I I wanted to share

something because up here on the stage

uh the other night I was at an event and

uh there was response time for people

feeling lonely in the room and so many

hands were raised in this room and a lot

of them were young adults in the younger

generation and uh I don't know how many

of you in here are between the ages of

18 and 30. But those years of your life,

if you're not in community with other

believers, it gets lonely.

It gets really lonely.

And even if you're outside of those

ages, these groups right here are for

you to get connected to the body, to get

connected with someone in this room

right now because you don't know what

someone in this room is going through.

And God wants to use groups to connect

you to something so much bigger than

what you're going through right now. So

18 to 30 year olds, we have uh every

week when we meet, we meet every other

uh uh Wednesday. And this last season,

somehow oatmeal cream pies just became a

thing. Uh so hey, if you're between the

ages of 18 and 30, 18 and 30, 18 and 30,

who wants an oatmeal cream pie?

Woo! You get a cream pie. You get a

cream pie. I'm just being Oprah with

cream PIES WAY BACK THERE. WOO. Hey

groups, come to them. We love you.

>> That is awesome. Thank you group hosts.

We're so excited. Um you'll see those on

the high tops as you walk out today. We

are going to Pastor Drew is going to

come up and preach the word. We have a

new series starting today called

relationships. And we today is going to

be a good one. Welcome to Fresh Start

Sunday Collective Church.

Oh man, I don't know about you guys, I I

had a I'm so ready for this. I'm so

ready for the lunch after. You guys

ready for the lunch after? We got

Chinese food provided. We love you guys.

I'm so ready. I'm breaking a fast. Uh,

and in fact, if I can be a little bit

honest right now, uh, the other night,

it was two, three nights ago that, uh, I

had a confession with Morgan and I said,

"Babe,

I'm in a bad mood.

I'm in a bad mood." And she said, "Why?"

I'm like, "Well, some of it is the fast,

right? Like, I'm I'm so hungry. I'm

hangry and I'm in it's it's night time

and so I'm like I'm tired. I'm I'm

feeling a little hungry and and I've

been hungry and I've been feeling hangry

for hours and I'm just trying to tell

myself like no control your flesh.

Discipline your body, right? Keep it

under control, right? Like I got these

thing like the and and I don't want

anyone else to know that I'm feeling the

way that I'm feeling. This is a part of

refining my flesh and like all this

stuff. It's great. And so I decide, you

know what? I am I'm I think I'm going to

die. And so I am going to make myself a

smoothie. And right before going to bed,

I go downstairs. I make myself a

smoothie and I'm like, "Let's just get

like, you know, my brain's working at

like 20%. I'm not sure everything that

I'm throwing in there, but I know it's

like it's probably good." I blend that

thing up and I go, "OH

MY GOODNESS."

And I just tasted the worst thing I've

had in a very long time.

But I grew up in a family, you do not

throw stuff away. You do not throw your

food away. You do not waste it. And so

I'm standing there and I'm like having a

a starown with this smoothie. It's on

the counter and I'm just there. And I'm

not joking. It was probably 10 minutes

that I was there just going,

"Think I can drink it?"

Because it doesn't feel like throwing it

away is an option. And and I know I

can't. If I waste it, then I I know I

can't make a second. Like, that is not

an option at all. And so, after a little

while, I was like,

I think it was in my head. Let's try it

again. Right? I tried it again. Nope. IT

WAS NOT. I DID THAT THREE TIMES, GUYS,

trying to convince myself. I POUR THAT

THING OUT. I go upstairs and that's

where I'm like, I'm in a bad mood,

right? BECAUSE AND HOW MANY OF Y'ALL

KNOW I JUST I HAD TO HIT my head on the

pillow and I just had to go to bed and

start over the next day. I needed a

fresh start. Who here knows what I'm

talking about. Need a fresh start.

That's what today is all about. I don't

know if it's because you had a nasty

smoothie last night or if because life

has hit you. I don't know what it is.

But man, God says his mercies are new

every morning. And I believe that today

is a great time for us to take a deep

breath, have a fresh start. And I don't

know if you got a marriage that you feel

like is past the point of no return. If

you've got an addiction that you've

tried to fight a thousand times over. I

don't know if you've got depression that

continues to hang over your head or

anxiety that continues to haunt you and

and interject itself into your whole

life. I don't know what's going on, but

I'm telling you, you got a fresh start

this morning. The Holy Spirit

wants to inject some hope and some faith

and say, "Do you want to start over?" I

believe right now I just I I this

picture I wrote it and I drew it in my

notes here is this picture of the sun

rising and this idea of I believe that

there's some of you who have been in a

dark season. Maybe just one person in

particular that really really needs and

God is saying I got the sun rising for

you. I got a hope for you right now.

It's this picture of the morning star.

the first hope before I can even see the

sun. I can tell that like all the other

stars are disappearing and there's one

star that's left and the sun I see the

light starting but I can't see it. I

know that the hope is coming.

I believe that's for you right now. I

believe that there's someone in this

room that God is speaking to

specifically in that way. So, I don't

know how big your sin is, how hopeless

your marriage is, how bad your addiction

has been, how deep your depression is,

or how big your problems you feel like

are at home. My God is bigger. Amen.

Come on. Our God is bigger. If you

believe it, let's hear it. Let's go.

Little Amen., little hallelujah. There

we go. So, we're starting in a new

series today called relationships

because who doesn't have relationships

that need a little bit of work, right?

And uh if you've got if you're in a

relationship with anybody ever, this is

primarily going to focus on romantic

relationships, but uh whether you're

single, whether you're dating, engaged,

married, divorced, whatever it may be,

this is going to be a a series that will

speak and minister to you. Uh this is

actually going to be it's one of the

series that we get the most questions

about most requests for and uh and so

because of that I want to I want to have

this we got text you can text your

questions in all series long and I'm

going to take these I'm either going to

insert them into sermons or we're going

to take them we are going to end with a

a panel night uh for dating and mar a

dating and marriage panel at our

stronger night. If you see in the uh

seatbacks in front of you, we got some

stronger invites. Grab those before you

head out for you, for your friend. And

we're going to have these questions be

able to anything that we can't get to in

the sermons, we'll get to there. So, if

you've got any questions, if you've got

anything that you want to hit on or any

areas of disagreement even within the

sermon that you're like, I don't know

what I think about that. Because what I

want to do is I want to be honest in

this series.

our relationships. This how we're going

to be doing this is this is going to be

I got I got my kids that are going to be

sitting in here. And so how we're going

to be doing this this message is is the

series is PG11.

That's kind of how I've got it graded.

Okay. It's uh it's PG11. It's things

that I have talked to my boys about. My

boys 10 and 12 and and but it's going to

be concepts that we're going to be

honest about. Okay? It's going to be

things that we're going to be real

about. We got to make sure that if if

scripture is true, then it applies for

today and it applies to your life and

what you're going through. And so I want

to make sure that if if you are a youth

in this room, can I hear from our

students? Let's go. Let's go. The world

has a ton to say about relationships and

how you go about it.

Parents, if you're not speaking into it,

start it. Let this series raise some

questions for your kids. I'll let you be

the judge uh of of your kids if they

need to be hanging out here uh or if you

want to. We got an amazing kids ministry

so they can join in over there. But uh

this is this series is not just for

those who are married. This series is

for those who are single because I'll

tell you what, there's no there the only

thing if if you feel if you feel like

man there's nothing worse than being

single. I've been single for so long. I

got all this like it's terrible. I'll

tell you what. I promise you it's worse.

It's much much worse to wish you were

single.

It is much worse. GET YOURSELF IN A

PLACE where you're going where you can

become the right person, where you're

getting the right gauge for the right

person, so that you know that the people

that I'm interested in, that I'm looking

on going on dates with, that I'm

pursuing or are pursuing me, that I can

have already a filter of this is what I

want, this is what I don't want, this is

what's going to be good. So, and then

last thing I got to say before we jump

in here, if I could rename this series,

it would be how to get offended 101.

Everybody wants relationship help.

Nobody wants to take the advice.

It is the one topic when people come to

me as a pastor that they say, "What

should I do in my relationship?" That I

just want TO BE LIKE, "DON'T KNOW.

FIGURE IT OUT. SEE YOU LATER." NOT CUZ I

DON'T KNOW, BUT BECAUSE I KNOW THAT I

MAY have some confrontation for you. And

almost every single time it results in,

well, who cares what you said? I mean,

you did,

right? Like, and it just it just ends up

in this there's a tension and there's

like and so I always try to leave it

with like like go to the Lord with this.

So, this is this is offense number one

uh 101. Proverbs 12:1. I'm not as brave

Proverbs 12:1

as Solomon is. So, this is what he said.

I'm gonna quote him and said, "Whoever

loves discipline loves knowledge.

Whoever hates reproof or correction is

stupid."

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT. HE GETS THE POINT

ACROSS. AND IF YOU GO, "HAHA, LOOK AT

YOU." YEAH. That's the problem, right?

You're the one who's supposed to take

the correction immediately. I'm the one

that uh that I got to figure it out. So,

uh, this doesn't what this doesn't mean

is listen to everything I say and follow

everything I say because Pastor Drew

said it. This means I want you guys to

take it back to the word. I want you

guys to take it back to the word because

we're going to be blunt in this series

and uh you can you'll get to decide in

some ways that I'm going to be really

clear here uh that that when you take

this and you listen don't listen to what

the world says about relationships.

Listen to what the word says about

relationships.

Because if you listen to what the world

says, you get the world's results.

Yeah, 55% of marriages end in divorce.

And guys, I'm talking to people.

Marriage is declining. The frequency of

people getting married. And so, of the

marriages that actually happen end in

divorce

and the percentage, think about your

your community, think about your friend

groups, think about your workplaces,

things like that. The percentage of

people that grow up in a home with with

a healthy relationship with their mother

and father

is minuscule. It's under 20%. Now,

we are in a world where even of the 55%

of marriages that don't end in divorce,

most of them are just happening, right?

They're in that thing that Mason was

talking about where it's like, it's not

bad, it's not good, it's just kind of

happening. or maybe it is bad and we are

just stuck with it and we're okay with

it, right? And we're just going to live

like that. If you want the world's

results,

do relationships the world's way.

If you want results that look divine, if

you want a deep powerful connection with

your spouse, you want to know what

happens to that 55% as soon as all you

do, the only thing you change is you go

to church together. Cuts it in half.

What happens if you then begin to

practice what you're believing and you

pray together every single day?

One in 1,500 marriages that do that get

a divorce.

One in way below 1%.

This is insane. IF YOU WANT GOD'S design

for marriage and if you want his

results, I got to follow his word and

his way. So listen, when you start to

get things that you're like, "Man, I

don't know why, Pastor Drew, you're

saying that. Don't you think that?" Go

to the word. Don't trust me about it. Go

to what the word of God says. And if he

says it, then it's probably pretty dang

good. Amen.

>> Amen. And so, uh, I'm not going to I'm

not going to I'm not going to tickle

your ears. I'm not going to give you

affirmation because here's the reality

that I found. You don't want to hear

what you think you want to hear.

I don't know about you guys. I have uh I

we love affirmation.

If you guys use any AI at all, you're

you'll notice that AI loves to give

affirmation because we love to receive

affirmation.

It's like, man, that question that you

just asked was amazing. You're so

intelligent. You're so smart. The way

that you asked this, I can tell you have

a good heart, great intent, and and just

a stupendous character. EVERYBODY

PROBABLY LOVES YOU. And by the way, yes,

it would take about 156 Red Bulls to

kill you.

THE REALITY OF THE WAY AI DOES THIS. AND

THEN IT'S LIKE, DEN, do you want me to

uh give you another food drink or what

would if you be a different weight? Huh?

I Let's try that out. Huh? AND IT'S LIKE

IT GIVES ALL THESE WE WE LOVE

AFFIRMATION. THAT'S NOT WHAT THIS IS

GOING TO BE. This is going to be a time

of correction. This is going to be a

time of learning and of growing. So,

what I want everybody in here to do,

we're going to make it an agreement, a

little pack together. Okay? Can we hold

up our right hand? And I got this. Here

we go. Hold up your right hand and

repeat after me. I'm not perfect.

>> I'm not perfect.

>> My relationships aren't perfect.

>> I'm probably doing a lot wrong.

>> And I want to do more right.

>> I want to do more.

>> I want to look more like Christ.

and for my relationships to look like he

intended.

>> In this series,

>> I will focus on ways I can grow.

>> I will focus on ways.

>> Not the ways everyone else should.

>> I will take all offense to God and his

word.

>> I will take all

his word. And I will admit

>> it's me. Hi, I'm the problem. It's me.

>> NO ONE'S SAYING IT. OH, MISSED

OPPORTUNITY.

There you go. Okay, this is it. So, we

are going to jump right in here. Uh, as

we as we talk about relationships

with that commitment, uh, I find here's

the problem today. What we're talking

about today today is we're talking about

love lies.

Love lies. There's a lot of lies that

love gives. There's a lot of li lies

that we believe about love. And I want

to talk about how to ruin your

relationship before it even starts. It's

setting the wrong foundation. It's like

I'm going and I'm starting a race and

I'm getting lined up and I got my hands

on the line and ready. the gun goes off

and I go and I realize everybody else is

going that way. Whoops.

I'm starting wrong.

We can start our relationships, we can

build our foundation of what we think a

relationship should look like and how it

ought to uh how it ought to operate

based off some key lies that the world

gives. And there's a lot of these. I

just want to hit six today and we're

going to zoom through this guys, okay?

cuz I'm I'm hungry, guys. I told you

before I'm hungrier now. And so, we're

going to keep going through this. So,

these are lies that your relation that

that will ruin your relationship before

it starts, whether you're dating or

married, any of these. This is lie

number one. They should fulfill you.

You ever heard that, right? They should

they should fulfill you. I've got an

empty spot in my heart that I need you

to fill and I'm gonna find someone who

does that. And the reason why I haven't

found them yet is because I keep going

to all these people and guess what?

They're just not DOING A GOOD JOB AT IT.

I got them. I got they should fulfill

me. See, the real it's not I need a

relationship to make me whole, fruitful,

and give me purpose. No, you must figure

out yourself first.

And then you will find a relationship

that will end up building upon you. This

is Ecclesiastes chapter 2:es 10-11.

Solomon once again talking about King

Solomon, one of the wealthiest men to

have ever lived in all of history. And

he says, "Whatever my eyes desired, I

did not keep from them. I got everything

I wanted. If only I'd have this. If only

I get this relationship. If only if I

could get married, I'll figure it out.

If I had married the right person, I'd

have figured it out. Well, guess what?

Solomon married a person and then

another and another. He had like 600

wives, y'all. I think he would have

figured one of them out. One of them

could have been right. And he says, "I

kept my heart from no pleasure, for my

heart heartfound pleasure in all of my

toil, in all of my work. Then I

considered all that my hands had done

and the toil I had expended on doing it.

And behold,

all of it was vanity.

All was a striving after wind. There was

nothing to be gained under the sun.

See, the right foundation for a marriage

is not each other. It's actually the

Lord.

The reality is I don't need to find the

right person who will make me into the

right person. It's if you are the right

person, you'll attract the right person.

And here's the truth that comes against

the lie. The truth is only Jesus

fulfills you.

You can find someone who will compliment

and encourage. Now this is when I say

encourage, don't think pat me on the

back all day long. Think like I believe

in you. I'm going to encourage you

forward. I'm going to give insert

courage into you who will I I said to

the Lord I said God I'm I had a bad

relationship. It ended poorly. I was

like I'm done with this. I knew

everything about relationships at 17

years old. So I had it figured out and I

said, "God, I don't want to do this

relationship thing anymore. I am never

going to date or get married unless

unless you find for me someone who if I

do not

get united in marriage with them, then

we're doing the kingdom a disservice.

That one plus one equals 10 all of a

sudden because of this. That is the type

of commitment. That's what marriage is

supposed to be. And so only Jesus

fulfills Morgan is incredible. She is a

way better wife than I ever if I would

have written down my notes of what I

thought my wife would look like. It

wouldn't be anything like Morgan. And I

am so glad. I am so glad because she has

blown away so much. But she doesn't

fulfill me. She doesn't fill that empty

spot in my heart that was only made for

the cross.

That is him and him alone. If I look to

her for fulfillment, she doesn't need to

bear that burden. She doesn't need to

carry that. That's not her job. That's

not her role. She's not able to do it.

That's only Christ and Christ alone.

Amen.

>> Line number two, keep your faith to

yourself. Your religion's your religion.

Your Sunday morning is your Sunday

morning. Do your thing. You can do your

thing. You can go to your groups. You

can do your thing. You can pray your

prayers. Don't bug me in it. Don't

involve me in it. Okay. The reality Uh 2

2 Corinthians 6:14

Corinthians 6:14 says, "Do not be

unequally yolked with unbelievers. For

what partnership has righteousness with

lawlessness? Or what fellowship has

light with darkness?" Here's the

reality. The reason scripture says, "Do

not start dating and in a relationship

with someone who doesn't who isn't a

believer because you your faith is your

entire identity. It's your entire world

view. It's the way that you see

everything. And because of that,

it it infects all of it.

It infects everything. That's why when

people come and THEY'RE LIKE, "LISTEN,

PASTOR DREW, WHY YOU GOT TO WHY WHY DO

YOU CARE ABOUT THIS STUFF IN a

relationship series?" It's like, "WHY DO

YOU CARE ABOUT MY SEX LIFE? WHY DO YOU

CARE WHY WHY DO YOU CARE ABOUT MY MY

RELATIONSHIPS? WHY ARE YOU GETTING INTO

MY DATING? WHY YOU GETTING INTO LIKE WHY

DO YOU CARE ABOUT ALL THAT STUFF?" I

don't care. My job is not to affirm. My

job is just to give the word and to say

let you deal with that. The Lord wants

all up in all of your business all of

the time.

And so it should my whole life is built

around this. And so I should be

unapologetic about my faith

and I should seek someone who is in the

same boat. And I know we got marriages

in here already that you go, "Well, I I

am married. my spouse is not a believer.

What do I do there? 2 Corinthians 7.

Check that out. And that has an

incredible passage on how to how to deal

with this and how you honor ultimately

you honor the covenant. You honor the

marriage. You honor that and you f and

you live in this and you bring the hope

of the gospel into that as long as

possible. Right? Every situation's a

little bit different. That's why we got

marriage counseling. That's why we got a

marriage group, right? like this is what

we're doing. So, uh this keep your faith

to yourself is a lie. The truth is your

faith is your identity and your world

view. And so, lie number three. Lie

number three, we've got love is

butterflies.

We've all seen them Disney movies,

right? It's the Oh, I know. Like I It's

the chemistry is another word, right?

It's the It's the connection. this

initial emotional like magical spiritual

energy connection that's just like oh

man I feel it I'm here I'll tell you

what do you want to know what the the

the reality of what love is

love is love is a common statement made

and I agree with you in that a equals a

but I don't think we're saying the same

thing right like love is love is

different than Love is love. You hear

me?

>> There we go. Good. Okay, we're on the

same part. No. First Corinthians, we got

to define love the right way. 1

Corinthians 13 hits on this. It says,

"Love is patient, kind, doesn't envy,

doesn't boast, is not arrogant or rude.

It doesn't insist on its own way. It's

not irritable or resentful. It does not

rejoice at wrongdoing, but rejoices with

the truth. Love bears all things,

believes all things, hopes all things,

and endures all things." How many of

these are feelings?

How much of this definition is

butterflies and chemistry?

Love is not about feeling. Feeling is

the natural fruit that follows with what

love actually is. Love is a verb. Love

is an action. Love looks like serving.

Loves look like patience. Love looks

like kindness. Loves look like all this

stuff. This is love. And the feeling is

the fruit that follows. So it's not the

lie. Love is butterflies. Here's the

truth. Love is an action and the choice.

The feeling is the fruit that follows.

You will get that.

Mor and I are almost to 15 years of

marriage this year. And you will get and

I still we were just talking about I was

like I feel more in love with you than I

have ever. Like our love is deeper. Our

feeling for each other is deeper. I feel

the chemistry. I feel the love. WE LOVE

EACH OTHER SO MUCH. BUT IT'S NOT because

the it's been easy and natural and just

flow whatever direction. If we get lazy

with our relationship, we drift. That's

the natural consequence. But when I

choose to love like scripture says,

love,

man, the feeling's always there. The

feeling will follow. It's the fruit that

follows. Line number four,

establish an agreement,

not a commitment.

This is primarily seen in relationships

when you choose to move in together with

with the uh we've been dating or engaged

for 5 10 years, things like that, right?

Like we've been together for a really

long time. What that does is the problem

with this is you are fully intertwined,

fully entangled but not fully committed.

And there is a usually a somewhat to

some degree it's usually a mutual

understanding of we want to we want to

get we have an agreement. We have roles

that we play. We have bills that each of

us pay. We have and and we don't need

marriage. We're doing this just fine. We

don't need to get married. I don't need

a piece of paper to tell me that we love

each other. You're right. You're right.

But I'll tell you what, you're trying to

enter into a fully entangled

relationship without being fully

committed. And it's not going to work

well. I promise you, it doesn't work

well because every relationship is built

on commitment. In fact, Malachi 2:14

Malachi 2:14

says it really well. Malachi 21:14 says,

"The Lord was witness between you and

the wife of your youth. She is your

companion and your wife by covenant.

This is different

than just an agreement of like, hey, you

do these jobs, I do these jobs, you pay

these bills, I pay these bills, we'll

we'll figure this thing out. This is

different than that because a covenant

is a mutually agreed upon upon

self-sacrificial

commitment that covenants traditionally

if you made a covenant with God it's

sealed by blood. It's extremely serious.

And this is the truth about this is you

establish instead of the lie establish

an agreement not a commitment. The truth

is you establish a covenant between God

and others. That's why Malachi is so

serious about this about this idea of we

have a covenant. And if I commit to

that, we're going to see this thing

last.

See, it's the difference between

marriage is an agreement between two

compatible people that agree to the same

terms and the same roles. And then

listen to the difference here. Marriage

is a covenant commitment between a

husband and a wife, rooted first in

faith in Christ and then in each other.

If I first have it rooted in my faith,

then guess what? My relationship becomes

pretty stinking unshakable.

And we have this mutual blessing that we

get that the closer I get to Christ, the

closer I get to you.

And that's that's the reality of how

marriage was intended. In fact, marriage

was uh is is one of the major pictures

of this is our covenant relationship

with God. And in the same way that I

don't want him to give up on me, I don't

want to give up on my spouse. It's a

commitment. And commitment's scary.

Commitment's hard. But we don't take it

lightly. Marriage is not about finding a

suitable buyer. It's about establishing

a covenant and an ongoing connection.

It's a covenant with an ongoing

connection, not a contract with ongoing

fulfillment.

catch that.

You do your job, I do my job. It's not

working anymore. Let's cut the contract.

Make sense? We don't do that. Marriage

is not an agreement or it it's it's not

intended to just be an agreement. It's a

commitment. It's a covenant. This is

what So, lie number five. Lie number

five. Let's keep moving here. If you got

your notes, keep it going. Line number

five is you're looking for the one. This

is for the singles. And I'll tell you

why it matters. For those of you who are

married as well, you're looking for the

one. It's a lie

because you can pick the right one or

you can miss the right one.

And if you miss the right one, then not

only are you messed up, but then you're

having kids you shouldn't be having with

biology that they shouldn't be having

and genes that are jacked up. And it's

LIKE GOD'S GOING, "OH NO, THEY MISSED

IT. I HAD THEIR PERSON WAS ON EUROPE.

WHAT ARE THEY DOING IN NEBRASKA?

WHAT'S GOING ON? They really

shoot. I'm done. Like I can't SAY HE'S

NOT MESSED UP BY US. WE'RE NOT THAT BIG.

WE'RE NOT THAT BIG. HE is in control.

And so this is the reality. If you're

looking for the one and afraid if then

then what happens is once you get

married,

you get afraid that you've missed the

one.

I I mean, did I miss it? Did I pick the

wrong person? Who else is out there? I'm

kind of curious if maybe someday I'll

run into someone who I get the right

chemistry with and that was actually

supposed to be the one and this is the

one for me or maybe the one for me in

this season. Do you catch that? Do you

see how that's how how that ends up

breaking us as a as a lie that we

believe in marriage and in singleness?

Don't look for the one. Instead, here's

the truth. Find someone who loves Jesus

more than you. Who you have

compatibility with, compliment each

other, right? This opposites attract. A

lot of times, there's a lot of things

that actually that can end up causing us

to butt heads, but we're called to hold

hands. Find someone who loves Jesus more

than they love you. Maybe who you go, I

think they love Jesus more than I love

Jesus.

And commit.

That's what the dating relationship's

all about. is about figuring that out.

Are we good? Is this going to Is this

going to be something that I can commit

to for life? Because till death does us

part. Not till rolls does us part. Not

till not not until I find someone else

who I think maybe there could

potentially be a better long-term

connection there.

See, we got to we got to commit to this

thing. Lie number six. Last lie here. If

we can get the band to come up. Lie

number six. This is a classic. Try it

before you buy it. Y'all heard this one.

I would never get a pair of shoes

without trying them on. I WOULD NEVER

BUY A car without taking it for a test

drive. You know that, right? EVERYBODY

KNOWS WHAT WE'RE TALKING ABOUT. I'VE

HEARD THAT a thousand times. I'll tell

you what, you are 100% right. And if you

want your relationships to be treated

like you treat your shoes, go for it.

Because as soon as my shoes start

wearing out on me and they don't look as

good, they got some stains on them. They

start I got I got a pair of slippers

that the pinky toe pokes out of it now.

And like I'm I'm like I'm done WITH

THESE. I DON'T WANT these anymore. I'm

sick of it. Same thing with a car. I get

that thing and soon as that thing starts

to break down too much for my comfort or

it starts to rust and doesn't look like

I want it to look like and I want I want

to be driving around town looking this

way. I want people then guess what? If

you want a relationship that is going to

be treated like you treat your

belongings, then go ahead and go about

it this way. But if you believe that rel

your relationship can be more, and guess

what? You're going to get treated like

the pair of shoes as well.

You're going to get treated like the old

car as well. It's not just you're on the

winning side of that and you get to make

the decision. It's both ways.

If you go, let's try it before we buy

it. Here's what scripture says. Hebrews

Hebrews 13:14

13:14, it says, "Let the marriage bed be

held in high honor among all. Let the

marriage bed be undefiled, for God will

judge the sexually immoral and

adulteress."

There, I got a different one. I don't

know what's going there. That's not the

right one. All right. Hebrews 13:14. Let

Hebrews 13:14

me read it. Let me read it. There's what

it says. Let the marriage bed be held in

high honor among all. Let the marriage

bed be undefiled.

For God will judge the sexually immoral

and adulteress. Here's the truth.

The truth isn't try it before you buy

it. The truth is a God-honoring

relationship on honoring God in your

relationship is going to create a

blessed marriage.

It does. I want my marriage to be

blessed. I am so grateful that Morgan

and I when we got married, we were

virgins.

And I'm so grateful that that's the only

experience that we have had. So that

together the only the intimacy that we

have, there's no comparison. There's no

history. There's no other person.

There's no none of that. And I I I love

that in this relationship. But here's

the reality is that if I was if I was to

let let's say let's take let's take

scripture out of this because I find

that the word of God reveals truth and

if that's the case then I should see

that confirmed in the world around me.

So I look first to the word and then I

look to the world and I see what how

does the word reflect over here. If I

was to just look up, hey, I have no

faith.

I have no religious conviction, but I

got I got my boy and I'm trying to tell

him he's he's getting interested in

girls. And I'm trying to tell him this

is statistically speaking, if you want

to have a thriving marriage as you grow

up, if you want to have a thriving

relationship, here's statistically

speaking how you will increase your

probability the most. you commit

yourself

you commit yourself to abstinence until

the day that you are married.

Statistically speaking, your your

chances of of having a healthy,

fruitful, single marriage for your whole

life skyrockets.

If you have if you have few or zero

partners before your spouse, if you show

your commitment before you ever even get

there of saying, "I'm saying no to you

when I love you because I promise you,

I'm going to say no to everything else

if it falls outside of God's covenant as

well."

No matter how bad this gets, I'm not

going over there. And I'm showing you

evidence of that by how I'm saying no

here because I'm honoring God first. And

so then when you when I'm when we're

away from each other, you don't have to

be afraid that I'm just trying to honor

you. So what happens? I just don't want

to get caught.

Instead, I'm away from you and I'm

trying to honor God.

See how it comm it creates a completely

different framework. Waiting is not

about following rules. It's about

building trust and a strong character,

self-control, and a strong foundation

for intimacy. And see, this is

this I looked this up. Sexual

exclusivity, waiting until marriage

remains one of the strongest statistical

predictors of long-term marital

stability. If I want just statistically

speaking, if I want to have a thriving

marriage, that's what I do. But here's

here's here's what I got to say. There's

a lot of lies and there's a lot of

beliefs. There's a lot of There's not a

single person in this room who hasn't

gone, I've I've submitted to some of

these lies. Or your spouse or your

significant other has submitted to these

lies, has followed these. If you go,

okay, so what are you saying, Pastor

Drew? I'm jacked up. I'm messed up. It's

too late for me.

Jump off the deep end anyway. I'm It's

too I'm I'm too far gone. Here's the

What did we say? It's fresh start

Sunday.

So, what I'm here to do is I'm here to

reveal the truth in the word of God. The

world has spoken into your lives, into

your relationships for your entire life.

Would you just take a second, listen to

the word, the the word of the Lord? And

I want to tell you guys,

this is the big idea I want you to feel

as you look at these lies, if you look

at the truth. I want this to be your

guide because there is always grace.

There's always grace. There's always

grace. In fact, regularly as as the Lord

talks about what it's like for him to be

our God, for him to father us as

spiritual children, the way he describes

it is someone who is raised in a house

of love that leaves or is or is wedded

and married to to him and then leaves

and goes and commits adultery or goes

and prostitutes themsself off or goes

all this stuff and then continues he

continues to bring back and he continues

to bring back whether it's in the the

book of Isaiah, whether it's in the book

of Ezekiel, whether it's in the book of

Hosea, you have all these different

examples of scripture where God says,

"This is what it's like to be your God.

He's got insane grace for us, for me."

This is why we lead here at Collective

Church with imperfect people

and a perfect God changing the world

together because there's always grace.

He wants to renew. And so what I want to

do right now is I want to take an

opportunity if we can all stand up. What

I want to do is I want to take an

opportunity for a fresh start. There's

marriages in this room that your

marriage has been built on some of these

lies. And I want you to just grab your

grab the hand of your spouse or just get

in some type of con. You can hug them,

put your arm around them, hold their

hand, right? Whatever it may be. And and

what I want to do is there's there's

marriages in this room that say, "I want

to build my marriage on truth, not

lies." And we need to correct some of

this stuff. I want every single person.

Can we get back to the lies and truth

screen? I want every person in here to

figure out what's the lie that I believe

and how can I begin to correct that? All

the list of lies. Tori, can we get that

up there? There it is. Thank you. and

and highlight some of these and they

say, "How can we commit to truth here?"

And then there's some of us in here who

I believe that God wants to restart a

marriage. Your marriage has been messed

up. Your marriage has been has been

broken. Your marriage has been built on

a bad foundation. You're running this

race and the harder you run, the more

you're going in the wrong direction

because you started it wrong.

I believe God wants to restart a

marriage today.

Restart it right now.

Get a establish an agreement together

that's beyond an agreement. That's a

covenant.

Right? And if you're dating, I want you

to take this and I want you to

individualize it first. I want to figure

out what's the lie that I believe and

how can I change my relationships here?

Because you're not in the covenant yet.

And you don't have to act like you're in

the covenant yet. Okay. And then lastly

for singles in this room, I want to make

sure that you know that these are

something that you got to you got to

capture these lies, see what's

happening, submit them to God, and

embrace his truth.

And then the last thing I believe that

fresh start Sunday is most importantly

beyond anything else. None of this none

of this truth is accessible without the

first one. Only Jesus fulfills. I cannot

access this stuff without him first in

my heart.

I cannot have a healthy marriage that's

built on something greater than us. If

it's not built on Christ

if it's not built on something that will

outlast me, that'll outlast my marriage,

that'll outlast my dating, that'll

outlast my relationships. So right now,

what I want to do is I want to invite

you if you say, "I need I need Jesus.

What I need more than anything else,

when I need even more than a healthy

marriage, when I need even more than to

fix these lies, I need Jesus. Would you

throw your hand up real quick so I can

see you? If that's you going, I need

Jesus. Today is my day. I see you. Come

on. This is it. LET'S GO. LET'S GO. Can

we get Can we get some of our What I

want to do is I want to get some people

around and just make sure if we have

some of our spiritual leaders, team

leads, point people, prayer leaders can

just gather around and I want to say a

real quick prayer. Come on, keep your

hand up. Keep your hand up. Now, I want

another hand. hand. I want another hand.

If we got people around here, if you're

saying, "I need Jesus. This is who I'm

I'm committing to right now. I'm giving

my life to for the first time or first

time in a long time, keep your hand up.

Keep your hand up." We got a gentleman

over here. Here we go. And a lady, a

couple over here. Let's find some people

over there. Now, what I want to do is if

you're in a marriage and if you're here

and maybe your spouse isn't here, I want

you to either hold each other's hands

up, the hands that you're holding

together, or hold the fist up as if

you're holding the hand of your spouse

and you say, "I commit my marriage to

this. I commit my marriage." Come on,

hold it up if you're saying, "I'm

committing my marriage to this. I'm

committing each other to the truth that

we see, and I'm going to declare a

blessing in this place right now." Come

on. In the mighty name of Jesus, begin

praying over your spouse. begin praying

over the people in this room. Heavenly

Father, in the mighty name of Jesus, I

believe that this church is a church of

restoration. That this church is a place

of hope. I believe that this church in

this moment is a moment that you want to

restart something. God, the marriages

that have been broken, that have been

hollow, that have been empty, would you

restart them in the mighty name of

Jesus? This is the moment the fire

falls. This is the moment the sun rises.

This is the moment that the hope is

here. Lord, I pray for a new start in

our hearts. I pray for a new start in

our dating. I pray for a new way of

approaching relationships. Lord, may we

do it your way. God, I pray for those in

this room that are committing themselves

to you for the first time ever or for

the first time in a long time. Father

God, I pray that we would not do this

alone. We would do this in community. We

would do this as a church, as your body,

as your believers.

Would you strengthen?

Would you encourage us forward? And

Father God, in the mighty name of Jesus,

I pray a blessing and a favor and a

grace and an anointing on every person

in here. May we look more like you and

less like the world. May our

relationships look more like you and the

way that you designed it, less like what

the world's telling us to do. We commit

to it. We will see it in the mighty name

of Jesus we pray.

Amen. Come on. Can we give the hand the

hand of the Lord? Let's go.

>> Hey, thanks so much for watching today's

message. Our prayer is more than the

words that were spoken in the message

that you would remember the things that

God spoke to your heart.

>> Yeah. Uh, no matter what it was that God

spoke to you, I know that part of your

journey is other people being in a

community because we are better

together. So, if you made a decision to

follow Jesus today, would you click the

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is going to help us so that we can

celebrate with you and equip you with

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great steps.

>> Yeah. Thanks so much for watching. We're

praying for you. We're cheering you on.

We believe that the best days are ahead

of you.