Trusting God in Tight Places: Overcoming Challenges and Embracing Divine Assistance

Welcome to the City Light Church podcast. Thanks for joining us today, as we look into God's word and discover the hope and truth that he has for us.

If you want to connect with City Light Church, feel free to visit us at CityLightNYC.com, that's CityLightNYC.com.

Pastor Boyan Jansik and his team believe that the power of the Holy Spirit is already working in our hearts and minds.

As you listen to today's teaching, remember that you are deeply loved by God, that you are surrounded by His grace, and that He has a real hope and a future for you.

Matthew 26 and verse 36.

When Peter and the two sons of Zebedee, and he began to be sorrowful and deeply distressed, then he said to them,

My soul is exceedingly sorrowful, even to death. Stay here and watch with me. He went a little further and fell on his face and prayed, saying,

Oh, my Father, if it is possible, let this cup pass from me. Nevertheless, not as I will, but as you will.

Then he came to the disciples and found them sleeping and said to Peter, What? Could you not watch with me one hour? Watch and pray.

Unless you enter into temptation, the Spirit indeed is willing, but the flesh is weak.

Again, a second time he went away and prayed, saying, Oh, my Father, if this cup cannot pass away from me unless I drink it, your will be done.

And he came and found them asleep again for their eyes were heavy. So he left them and went away again and prayed the third time, saying the same words.

Then he came to his disciples and said to them, Are you still sleeping and resting? Behold, the hour is at hand and the Son of Man is being betrayed into the hands of sinners.

Rise, let us be going. See, my betrayer is at hand. There are three distinct events that propelled Jesus into his destiny.

Likewise, there will be three distinct events in your life that will be used by God to further you and to propel you into your destiny.

They are the wilderness, the garden and the cross. The wilderness, you see Moses spending time in the wilderness, David spending time in the wilderness.

Jesus had his time in the wilderness, the wilderness speaks of a time of solitude, of loneliness, a time of solitude and prayer, of diving deep into the presence of God, and yes, also a time of temptation, the wilderness.

The cross speaks to a place where carnality is destroyed. But the garden, that's a place of crushing. That's a place of anguish. That's a tight place.

I want to minister you to you this morning on the God of the tight places. When you don't know what to do, when you feel beset on every side, you say, How do I know if I'm in a tight place?

If you find yourself praying the same prayer every day, you might be in a tight place. Have you ever been in a season where you have nothing you to say to God, but you keep saying the same thing?

Hello Lord, it's me again. Just checking in, not much has changed here. In fact, I'm going through the same thing I went through yesterday that I was going through last week and the week before then.

A tight place is a place of crushing. And God is the God of your tight place. And he is the God who will bring you victory. And he is the God who will see you through. And he will use those places to propel you on into his plan for your life and into the destiny that he has prepared for you. Amen.

I want to read something else from from the life of David.

First Samuel, chapter 30, verse 6. There's different kinds of services that we have here with different goals.

1 Samuel 30:6

You know, we've been riding this wave of the gospel and of grace. Sometimes the goal of a service is to just see the Holy Spirit come upon people. Sometimes the goal and the service is to fill you with the word of God that it would just produce faith.

Sometimes the goal is just to see your faith increase so that you could get the breakthrough that God wants to bring to you.

And sometimes you can just get that breakthrough or have it begin in a service where we're all collected together.

There is a difference between being alone and endeavoring to serve God and then being physically present together. You know, the very word church means the assembled ones.

This is what was so strange and bizarre as the world was trying to get us to only do church online and not meet together.

We are the corporate body of Christ. Corporate doesn't mean company or business. It means body. We are bodily him together. The wine is in the cluster.

We have to be together. Why is that so important? Because you come to this place with some faith and someone else comes to this place with some faith.

And then the word of God is presented and that faith increases. And guess what happens next? That faith is compounded and amplified.

And it's like leverage. It's like a catapult that you need to get you past that rut that you may be stuck in. It is powerful.

It's why Jesus talked about the prayer of agreement and why it's highlighted as the most powerful type of prayer that there is.

That if two of you can come together and agree and stand in faith together, that faith is then compounded and amplified.

And he said, you will ask what your father anything and it will be done for you. Amen. This is David.

I'd say at the midpoint of his life, but he already had some history here.

See the thing when you're going through a tight place, what you got working against you is you may be tired.

And when you're in a tight place, there is a tiredness. Another battle. And there's a different mindset.

I know God is good and I know he did that thing for me back then. But what about now? This time could be different.

This time the Goliath, he seems too large. He already David has slain his lion and his bear and his Goliath.

He already went into the palace and served under King Saul and then saw Saul turn on him and persecute him.

He already had major victories in battle. But now he lost one. And I just want to say that.

Although we believe in biblical victory, there are some battles you lose.

The war you will definitely win. But some battles you lose.

Now David was greatly distressed for the people spoke of stoning him because the soul of all the people was grieved.

Every man for his sons and his daughters. But David strengthened himself in the Lord, his God.

David was in a tight place already having gone through some things and now his best friends, his team of 600 mighty men.

They took up stones to murder him. And he began to rise up and trust in the one who had given him previous victories.

Let's read that from Psalm 86, verse 20. I'll never forget. I have many tight place stories to share.

In fact, that's part of my ministry. I remember when I was 18 years old and I was on a retreat.

My freshman year of college and I had joined this Christian college group called Basic, Brothers and Sisters in Christ.

I was in Stony Brook in Long Island. And we went on to a retreat in Syracuse, New York.

It was the first time I ever received a prophetic word. We had these breakout meetings, 18 years old, and someone laid their hands on me and began to prophesy.

Let me just say this. I immediately sensed the anointing of God.

When you receive a prophetic word, you want to pay attention to two things. The words that are being said.

And Paul said, if it's from God, it's going to be edifying, exhorting, and comforting. Those are the three categories.

But also look for the anointing. When God is speaking through somebody that should be anointing, I have to say that because what sometimes passes as prophetic words,

there is no oil on it. There is no power. It's just somebody giving a word for who knows what reason.

This might blow your mind, but did you know there are some people who are spiritually insecure and they feel the need to use the gifts of the spirit,

even though they're not tapping into the gifts of the spirit, to make themselves feel like one of the spiritual.

I know, not here, never here. But there are conferences you might fly into and you'll find the parking lot profits around.

And there's no anointing. You get more anointing going to take out Chinese and opening the fortune cookie and reading it.

And there's more anointing that will hit you. But this man began to prophesy over me the anointing.

My whole spirit started vibrating and I was 18 and he prophesied. He didn't know what I wanted to be when I grew up.

He said you're going to go into ministry, you're going to pastor, and then he said these words. He said, and you will be exposed to much fire.

You're going to go through much fire. You say there was that edifying, exhorting, comforting, somehow it was.

He didn't end just in there. He said you're going to come through the fire.

And God, God is going to use what you have gone through to encourage others and help them get through the fire that they're going to go through. Amen.

And I remember a fire, not the good fire of God kind, but where you feel like you're burning hitting me when I had experienced depression for the first time in my life.

And the first thing I learned is that 99.9% of people don't know what depression is unless they have actually gone through a real clinically diagnosed depression.

I didn't. I always felt depression was when someone had the blues when they were just sad. And then with the really, really sad, they can say, oh, I'm depressed.

That's not what depression was for me and others I've talked to. It's not that you feel sad. It's not that you feel happy is that you don't feel at all.

I felt like I was disappearing like my very life force was just shutting down. And it went on like that weeks turned into months where I ended up in the hospital having to receive ECT treatments.

That's the electoral convulsive therapy with actually at the send an electric current to certain part of my brain to wake it up because it had fallen asleep.

I thought I was through. I thought I was done with menist. It was over the end.

This verse became real to me. Our God is the God of salvation. That word salvation means deliverance. It's who he is. He is a rescuer. He is a deliverer. He is a saver. And to God the Lord belong.

These are his escapes from death. If you're in a tight place this morning, I want you to know God is good. He loves you. He's got your number. And you just need to not quit.

Quit is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. He's got your back and divine assistance is coming your wages. Hang in there.

I don't know why he waits till 11.59. So often I've had my fair share of 3 p.m. breakthroughs. Some have come and woke me up in six in the morning. But others.

It's not until the midnight hour. And he always comes through to the Lord alone. They belong escapes from death. Hallelujah.

I want to tell you what kind of service this is. It's because faith is arising in here. And some of you all you're going to do is you're going to say, Lord, I believe that. I believe that. And what you did for him and what you did for her, you're going to do for me. And this is going to catapult you.

Some of you would have given up. But then you would have stumbled and fell in trip. But you came into the house of the Lord. Hallelujah.

So I'm having several people just come up and share with you there. Tight place moments. And how the Lord came through for them. Open up your heart to them and allow the Holy Spirit to minister to them through them to you.

Let me pray first. Heavenly Father. I thank you, Father. I pray that the eyes of their heart would be enlightened to know him, Jesus. Father, I thank you that the Spirit of wisdom and revelation fall upon your people in Jesus name.

Amen. When Pastor Boyan asked me to share something. I had some few stories, but the Lord asked me to share this particular story because it's the hardest place I've ever been in.

In 2016, my son passed. And I could not see the light of day. I could not see tomorrow. All I heard was you could have all condemnation guilt.

You could have all done this. All these things. It was just emotions that I could not hear God. I learned then that when your emotions, you cannot hear God. Your emotions are too loud.

Pastor Boyan was speaking on that verse, I think it was a first Samuel 30 verse 6 where David was greatly disturbed or greatly distressed.

1 Samuel 30:6

You got 600 guys thinking talking about this stone David. But as you notice, he says that he went and strengthened himself.

When you can't hear God if you're not strengthened in him. If you're in emotions and if you're feeling all these doubts on belief, all these things, imagine David how he felt. All his best buds are now against him.

He didn't go first and from that place to inquire of God what to do. He first came and he to strengthen himself. Same thing with me. I had to strengthen myself. But how did that look for David?

He remembered how God was with him when he killed the bear. He remembered when God was with him when he killed the lion. He remembered when he stoned the lion and he was with him. And he says, God is with me now. God has a plan for me now. God has a plan for you now. He has a plan.

So it's strengthened in the Lord. So I got strengthened in the Lord to be able to see tomorrow. But by the grace of God, I'm standing today.

Pastor Boyan would come upon. He would come to me. He would come with me. He would take walks and will come to my house. That he would say that, wow, this is almost like a revival in this place because God was so present. When you're in the midst of that tight place, God is so present with you.

Amen. I remember that walking into Mauricio's house and I said, it's like you've been having a 24-7 revival service in here because he was pretty somber, but his home was filled with the power of God and with joy.

And so he had mentioned how he had made a decision while going through this very difficult thing to strengthen himself and encourage himself in the Lord. And so just specifically, what is it? How did you go about that? Because different things can mean different things to different people.

So I worshiped the Lord. When old school, I took out some CDs. I just turned on some CDs. I just lost myself. I put my emotions aside. I just thought of worshiping God because that's all I had as him.

Amen. Did you sing out louder? Did you just kind of have the CDs playing in the background creating a nice ambiance?

No, I had to come from within. I had to come out from my innermost being.

Amen. This is key. I want to find you. We have people that are all different levels. People that have been serving the Lord here for decades and people I just baptized you for the first time a couple of weeks ago and this is all new to you.

And we live in a blessed time. David encouraged himself in the Lord. He didn't have his iPhone speaker to play it through. He didn't have a Bluetooth connection. They didn't have CDs. They didn't have title or Spotify. They didn't have YouTube to check out the full worship concert.

They had to go raw right out of their belly and sing songs that they had already learned. But we have these things. We have these benefits and that's awesome.

It only doesn't become awesome when we realize so much on these things and then we just have them play in the background.

And we let others do the worshiping for us. There is power in worship. Worship brings deliverance. Worship brings breakthrough. You have so many battles in the Old Testament where it specifically says that the front line soldiers.

That should be the hardest of men. Warriors. Battle proven. And you know who it was. The Levite worshippers and the Bible said they were clothed in linen. Not with iron, not with bronze. No suits, no weapons, but a linen that's essentially linen pajamas.

And with harps. I mean, can you imagine what that looked like? You got an opposing army with murder in their eyes. You ever watch Braveheart?

And then you got the Levites. Worship the Lord in the beauty of holiness. And the Lord would smite the enemies of God before their face because worship went up first.

You have to worship God if you're in a tight place. And I recognize and you know, it wasn't easy, right? You're going through it. You don't feel like clapping your hands and shouting a hallelujah.

It's actually the last thing in the natural that you want to do. But in the spirit, it's the first thing that you've got to do. And you actually have to sing the words. It's nice and pretty if we have it in the background.

I'm actually trying not to have background worship music so often. I put on greatest 80s hits from Pandora. Why? You said, why not? Because I don't want it to become blasé to me.

I mean, I can't prove this scripturally, but there's some songs. I almost want to protect the anointing on them. I don't want to suck all the anointing off them by listening to a hundred times.

You ever get into a song? And it's like, why doesn't it move me like you did two years ago? Because you had it on auto replay so often. And you you done slurped all the anointing off of it.

I want to worship music. I want to engage God with. And then you have to open your mouth and sing. And I know I've been in times of pain where you were singing God is so good. It might not come out. Very pretty.

It's God. You know, good. I mean, your intestines are coming out, right? You've been totally beat up and bruised. You're in it. You're going through it. But it's God. You're so good.

And you keep doing it. And eventually it'll change until you are dancing. And you got a worship like nobody is watching. Amen.

In the book of Hebrews, it says the fruit of your lips, right? We got to have fruity lips. I mean, the sound of what's fruity lips? A sound's got to come out. Don't let someone else do the worshiping for you. And we do live in this age where there is more anointed worship music than ever before.

I remember when I got saved, you know, we go to the hottest church in town, right? Right in Times Square.

And I'd bring unbelievers and they'd be singing songs like, we are the circumcision who worship God in the spirit. And I'm like, this person doesn't know that one page out of the Bible.

I bought an unsafe friend from high school and she's singing, we are the circumcision. Who worship God? Like, what are they even saying?

But worship music, it's changed. It used to be like all songs about God. Now there's songs to God and they bring you right into his presence and you can intimately engage with him. Amen. Thank you. Thank you, Mauricio. Thank you.

Anika, come on up. Anika, just share with the people the tight place that God brought you through.

Okay. A few years ago, I was in a point in my life where I felt stuck. Like, everything just felt like everything was at a standstill in my career.

I was working, but I just, nothing was happening. No raises, nothing. And my personal life, the same thing.

Everything that I tried to do undertook, like projects, it was just like fall apart and I was just disappointed.

I was starting to lose hope and I was upset and I was angry. I was like, what is going on?

You know, it's just, it's like every single thing that you do, it's just like nothing's working, nothing's happening, everything stopped.

So I, you know, I was, you know, I got to the Lord and I was upset and I was like, what's going on?

I don't understand even in my quiet times with the Lord, it felt a little different.

I know because of all the resentment and everything, but it was just, you know, when you open a faucet, you know, the water flows, but for me,

and like, my times with the Lord was just a little tricky. I don't know.

But you said your quiet times were hit because of the resentment.

We just, we need to, we need to be able to acknowledge that.

So that's something very real and something that very rarely gets acknowledged in church.

That when you, when you have unanswered prayers for a while and you're in a tight place, it is not abnormal.

It is actually normal. It is not abnormal for you to experience thoughts of anger and resentment towards God.

The one who's still in your spirit, you know he's good. You know he loves you.

But at the same time, you're wrestling with thoughts of resentment and they interfere with your quiet time.

Because you mentioned in the first service, you said like, everybody else seems to be getting blessed.

Yeah.

I said this once in a service I got scolded by somebody who was red-headed, but I felt like the ugly red-headed stepchild in the family of God.

So you really hurt my feelings. I'm sorry. If you're a red-head, it's an expression.

It's an expression.

But I remember saying that to God, you know, because when you're going through it and it's dry as a bone, just then all of a sudden,

your phone starts ringing and everybody wants to share their testimony with you.

And so you're going to be a good Christian and you're like, I'm so happy with you.

This is great.

And in fact I'm like, God, what about me? Hello, I'm not a top liver over here, you know.

I'm not a top liver.

The second time you're happy, the third time you're happy, like by the 20th time you're like, I'm so happy for you.

This is wonderful how you're blessed.

Please go on.

Well, that's a reality. We have to acknowledge.

That's so true. And then, so I would get a reprieve when it comes to church and I'll feel the presence, but not the same.

But then, nothing would change.

And I was like, what is going on?

And then, you know, thoughts started coming, you know what?

I'm going to leave church. I don't think this is for me.

It's the dumbest idea ever. Like, why would you?

You know, when you're going through it, that's not the time to like leave.

But I was like, every single service I would go to, that's it.

If nothing doesn't change during service, then I'm going to leave.

But it wouldn't change and I kept coming.

I was like, this is it. This is it.

And then, this one time, I think God for your brothers and sisters in Christ.

Because I usually tend to keep to myself, like, especially in the beginning.

And so I didn't share that with my brothers and my sisters.

And so one day, we was one of those services.

I was like, this is it. I'm not coming back.

I'm leaving church. And as I'm walking out, someone, you know, called with me, spoke with me, prayed with me, and gave me a word and said, like, obedience brings the blessing.

And then that's when it hit me. I was like, that's it.

I'm obedient in some part of my life, you know, because I looked, but I was like, there's no sense.

I don't know what's going on, what's stopping the flow, but it was obedience.

So I was like, thank God. Finally, hallelujah.

So I went back, you know, to the one I was like, Lord, like, where am I not being obedient?

What's going on? And then as I'm praying, spending time with Lord, he started to show me little things that he said to me that I kind of brushed away.

And I was like, no, do this instead. And so I chose my way.

How I wanted to do it. My timing, instead of what he wanted me to do.

And then that stopped the hand of God, his favor upon my life.

So I started being super attentive to, you know, even like simple things, but also bigger things, like decisions you have to make.

Also, like, should I go, you know, to this, you're not part of those people.

Yeah, they're insane, but they're not bad people. And then we'll be like, no.

I'm like, but they like me. I like them. But you know, those would be like, no.

And then do this and said, oh, like, whatever. And then when I did obey, and then the Lord just, you know, first that dryness, that constriction, my eyes just kind of disappeared.

They dissipated. And then everything started to flow. There was a more life.

I was, I started to deal with, you know, anxiety, which the Lord healed me like when I first got saved.

And it started to come back. And then that went away.

And yeah, and then even till today, like I saw an immediate result in my life when I became obedient, but even till today, I'm still reaping the benefits of my obedience from years ago.

Things that I wanted back then that I was trying to make happen on my own. The Lord is freely giving them to me now. And it just, it's good.

So awesome.

And I'm grateful that Anika highlighted in her story that it was a matter of obedience and changing some things.

I'll admit, oftentimes, I'll approach this topic from the area of faith.

You know, you're in a tight place. There's a mountain. You're going to blow that mountain up with faith.

But yet the reality is, and this is from my own life, like she said from her life, many times you have to go back to the drawing board and readjust some things.

And take a personal inventory and say, Lord, am I, am I doing anything that's causing me to be in this tight place?

Have I ended up in the garden because you brought me here or because I brought myself here?

And it could be that you have some areas that haven't been submitted to the Lord or some areas of disobedience.

Look, if you're in a romantic relationship with an unbeliever and you want to tear your hair out and you're going, Lord, pull me out of my tight place,

Lord, please bless this relationship and bring peace to it. That's not going to happen.

It has to be if you go back to the drawing board. Amen. Oh, Lord, I fell out of your will. I'm now in rebellion.

And so faith isn't going to deliver me. But, you know, I spent a long time saying, Lord, who is this devil that's frustrating me?

Where is this devil that's hindering me and holding me back? And I walked past the mirror and the Lord said, there he is, right there, look.

You know that old movie, the call is coming from the downstairs bedroom, the upstairs bedroom.

The devil that's hindering you, you, your own worst enemy, submit a line to my word, be obedient, and you'll come out of this. Amen.

Sean, come on up. Put your hands together for our anointed and beloved praise and worship leader, Sean Samuel.

So I wanted to talk about the tight place that my wife and I experienced when we moved back to the U.S.

So when we got married in 2014, God had called us to be on the mission field in India. And so we lived there for four years.

And then in 2017, we felt God calling us back to the U.S.

Shortly after we made that decision to move back to the U.S., we found out that we were pregnant with our first daughter.

And so we started the process of moving back. And the tight place was, when we got to the U.S., we didn't have a plan in place for what was next.

So, practically speaking, I didn't have a job lined up, neither did my wife. And we didn't know where we're going to live.

And so, and we had a baby on the way, due in six months, in January. And so, that was a really difficult time.

And we didn't know what, what God had for us. We knew there was something, but we didn't know what.

And so, what do we do in that tight place? We went into an extended time of fasting and prayer. And we sought the Lord.

And up until that point, the idea that I had in my head was to apply for jobs in some of the areas of experience that I had in marketing and data.

And when we went into this time of fasting, heard from the Lord specifically from Colossians 316 about pursuing a role as a worship leader.

And that was not something that was even on my radar, or something I'd even considered, because I didn't have a background in that.

And also, it's just not something that I was thinking about. And so, I started, so we changed courses.

And the one thing I knew was, there's no way this is going to happen in New York. It's just too expensive.

So, I was applying for jobs in other places in the South, because I figured that's where something like this would be more plausible.

And I applied to a bunch of places and nothing was working out. I felt like closed doors. And time was coming really close.

And then, I think it was October of that year, I got connected through a friend of my brother-in-law, because I was telling everyone that I was looking for a job.

And so, he said, oh, I go to a church called City Light. I'd never heard of it. And they're looking for a worship leader. And so, you know, you should call and find out.

So, I got connected to Pastor Mo. I had my first call with someone at City Light. And he explained City Light to me.

And I listened to him on the phone. And he was, you know, very transparent and straight up to set expectations. And I was like, okay, that's a lot different from churches that I've grown up in.

But let's try it out. So, I decided before, you know, I wanted to come and attend a service. So, I came to a Friday night service.

And I got to jump in. Now, we normally have these Friday night revival services where anything can happen. But on this particular Friday night, anything did.

I mean, of all the nights, right? I mean, the Holy Spirit blasted into the place. We had a spontaneous healing miracle service. There were bodies all over the place.

And I didn't see your wife so much, but I saw you. And you were just like, I mean, he looked like he was ready, you know?

Yeah, it was very different from what I'd grown up. And I was like, I was like, baby, if there's like a gold nugget in my pocket, we're getting out of here.

It was, yeah, I wasn't. So, I didn't think it was for me. I was like, I don't know what I'm like, I don't know what I'm going to do here.

But we had a conversation and we were just going to have you blow the shafarers.

But we came to audition two weeks later on a Friday night. And we just felt this was from the Lord. And I was very uncomfortable.

But this was what the Lord had for us. And that was in 2018. I remember I accepted the role in December and started in January. And our baby was born two weeks later after we started as city light.

And so what did I learn from this tight place? I learned that God's timing is not our timing. And that when he makes a promise, he makes a way.

And a lot of times it's different than what we may imagine. For example, like when we moved, we didn't have a place we were going to stay. And we didn't know how this is going to work.

And I'm going to say this and you may not count this as a blessing. But we started to live with my parents. And this may not be something that you would count as a blessing.

But for my family, it was the most incredible thing God could have done for our lives because both my daughters grew up with my parents. And they poured in so much into their lives.

I mean, I could have asked for something better for my kids to grow up in that godly environment along with us as a family. And so that was the way that God made for us to be in New York, to be here, to be a part of this community.

And it wasn't what I had imagined or what have designed for myself, but it blew it out of the water. And so that's what God does.

So awesome. Awesome.

Just say this. God will do it for me. He sees me. He loves me. He's working in the invisible. For me, on my behalf, because he's a good God. Hallelujah.

When you're going through it, by definition of going through it, you've had the wind knocked out of you. I get it. I have been there so much so I ended up in the hospital.

There were prayers when I would pray. I would go to pray. And I wouldn't speak in tongues, but it's still just like syllables would come out. Oh, God. Help. That was the best I could offer.

But it's still kept talking. And I want to encourage you to just not quit on the inside. The devil wants to crazy glue your lips shut and get you from speaking, get you from engaging God.

Just say no to mopey Christianity. There are times you can be weak. I get that. I was weak, but not where you're moping. Where your arms are just hanging down and you've just quit quietly quit on the inside. And now you're just going through the motions.

Still, let something rise out of you. Amen. Hallelujah. Pastor James, want you to come on up and just share your experience with the Lord.

Experience with the Lord. There are so many. And God's parenting is challenging, right? That's a fun place to start. So many tight spaces, because our families are so important to us. And I mean, that's one of the things that we pray about the most, right?

You don't even have to be a parent to know how challenging it is. Some of you are like, yeah, it's challenging. Others of you, you know that you had parents and you made a challenging for your parents. So you know it's challenging to be parents. So we can all agree, right?

But I'm a blessed man. I have a great wife. I have great kids. And we've had great experiences. And it was probably when our youngest child, our daughter Nishel was born. I was so excited.

Because again, the only daughter. And I had been praying for this excited because I was excited, one, to have a little princess that I could be her hero forever. If you've ever had a little girl, you know that they're going to get you wrapped around the little finger forever.

I was terrified of having a teenage daughter, mind you. So my prayer was God. Let me just skip over those years somehow. I don't know how, but let her just think of me as her hero. And I can be just the dad of a little princess forever. So I was super excited, but with a little fear.

She was about four years old. She went to a wellness check, doctor's appointment. And I was at work and my wife actually called Nicole. And she just come out of that doctor's appointment. And so she shared a really devastating diagnosis that our little four year old Ray of sunshine had been diagnosed with a condition called neurofibromatosis.

And that was a super long word, not for Mary Poppins. I had never heard it before. So I had to look it up. I said, what is neurofibromatosis? It's the condition that you're born lacking the gene that controls tissue growth. And so anywhere you have a nerve.

And if you remember from biology class, you have a lot of nerves, right? You ever prick your finger or smashed your thumb? Ow, nerves everywhere. You're going to have tissue growth unchecked. The gene that says stop growing isn't there. So as a result, you've got fibromas and tumors throughout your whole body.

So consequently, there's no cure. There's no treatment. Typically, it's a death sentence. You don't necessarily see that on the death certificate. Cause of death neurofibromatosis. But you just have these tumors that run havoc all over your body. And she was having optic seizures and they thought maybe they were putting pressure on the optic nerve. And she was having all these neurological issues. And so she was getting all these tests done. We were seeing all these specialists turns out they found five tumors in her brain.

My little princess running around trying to live a normal life, she got five brain tumors. And two, they said her deep brain.

So if you know anything about the medical profession, when they say deep brain, that means inoperable. That means they're so deep, it'll do more trauma to try and remove them. And if they keep growing, it's bad news.

And even a grain of sand decides tumor in the brain can be devastating. So she was having all kinds of problems. So as a result, every six months, she's had to have more MRI so they can check the status of the growth of these tumors. So as you can imagine, that felt like a tight place, right?

I left my office that day. I just went into my car and I wept and I asked God, why? And we prayed and we prayed. We asked God for healing. And we said, why? I didn't understand why. And so I spent a lot of energy asking why? And at the end of the day, I realized that was probably the wrong question.

Have you ever been there in your tight space? You're like, God, why am I in this tight space? I don't know. His ways are higher. They're different.

And I don't think we're going to know this side of eternity. So one of the things I want to share with you today is, don't waste your energy asking why? Because it's useless energy spent.

So we started hitting our knees and one of the things that we did is we included our kids in the process. We said, we're going to pray as a family for this.

We weren't going to just kind of mom and dad huddled and cry in the corner and private and the kids come, hey, everything's great.

Plastic fake smile, right? We would cry together. And our daughter would ask questions, like, am I going to die? Those are tough conversations.

And her older brother would come and he's a sweet, sensitive spirit. And he said, one day, I think I need counseling, dad. I said, why do you think you need counseling? He said, I have anger issues.

If you've ever met my son, you know that that is so far from his behavior. He's not destructive. He's kind. He's well read. He's well spoken.

He's smarter than me by a long shot. So why do you think you have anger issues? He said, sometimes I just get so mad at what my sister is having to endure.

And so it's putting trauma on him and he's praying privately and with us. And he's asking questions like, if you knew what she was going to experience, would you and mom have still had her?

Try answering that question.

A lot of tear field conversations for years, year after year.

It's a tight space. That's a tough space. But we decided you can either build a monument. And for a lot of people when they get a diagnosis like that, Nicole was fantastic.

She started going online. She found a group of parents. This is very rare. And again, one of the sad things is you follow the dollars.

When there's money to be made in treatments and medicine, there's a lot of research and a lot of information.

But nobody talks about neurofibromatosis. Why? Because there's no medicine to make any more money.

So it's really hard to find information and support. So we felt alone, isolated.

So we would dig and we would try. We were applying to the Mayo Clinic because we would go to our doctor's appointments knowing more about her condition than they knew.

That's scary. You go to a specialist and they're like, what are we doing today?

You tell me.

So we prayed and we prayed for healing. But we asked God to be part of the process. We said, this is your story. So a lot of people, when they get that diagnosis, and that's what we found from a lot of people across the country, their life just kind of stops.

It's like pre-diagnosis, post-diagnosis. But that was kind of a divider in time. And it was a monument to that moment in their life and everything pointed back to that.

Or we could dig a well of refreshment for other people that we're going to come after us, that we're going to have similar experiences so they could find hope.

So regardless of the outcome, we determined this was God's story. And so we'd walk through. She'd have to get these treatments. She'd have her little IV bag and she's walking down the hallway with her little MRI approved teddy bear.

And she's walking down and they're just doctors are weeping. They're like, how do these things happen to such a good person? Bad things to a good person? We say, well, that's a great question. Let me tell you. And we would preach the gospel to them. And they would be weeping doctors, anesthesiologists, dentists, because we said we're going to be a well of refreshment, not a monument to the pain.

The pain has to count for something. And so that was what we determined. We gave it to God. He never told us why, but we said, well, that's the why we're going to make up. Okay, we're going to fill in the blank because God hasn't told us the why.

So maybe three years after that diagnosis, she's there for another one of these MRIs. She's getting the MRI at the neurologist and they're looking at the report and we're like, oh, okay. Normally it's just, yeah, here's the little milky substance that had developed around the brain. We were concerned about here's how big they've gotten.

Maybe the before and the after how much larger they've gotten. They kind of have the little spots and they give the measurements. And so we're prepared. We're expected. We're braced.

But that's not what he says. He looks and he gets a colleague and they come back in the room. They're whispering in the corner. So at this point, you start to wonder, well, what's the other shoe that's going to fall, right?

How much worse can it get? And that we had kind of laughingly held onto the adage. God never gives you more than you can bear, right?

Well, it's a farce. It's not about what we can bear. It's about what he can bear. And we hadn't reached the breaking point yet, even though we thought we were crushed and completely destroyed.

So we're thinking, what next? I don't know if I can take any more bad news, but we're trying to keep a brave face.

And they're playing with her. My little pony and we're just, OK, finally, after what seemed like an eternity.

The neurologist said, I'm sorry to keep you waiting, but I just wanted to make sure I was seeing what I thought I saw.

But I cannot, even if I stretch the imagination, find even one of the brain tumors.

Praise God. And then he said, you know, I'm not religious. That's always code for it. I'm not Christian. I'm not anything.

But are you praying people? And so we got to laugh and tell them, yeah, we've been praying. We've held her in front of our church.

We've had people lay hands on her. We've prayed as a family daily that God only has the cure for her condition.

And we trust that. We have faith in that. We didn't run to him as a last line of defense, but as our first line of defense, as our first encounter.

And so that's where we went. And so we got to celebrate, but here's the stupid thing. My first reaction was, are you sure you're reading this right?

I want to walk away with this good news, feeling great. And then you call back a week later and say, oh, sorry, we got the wrong report.

Or we gave you someone else's MRI. Oh, the machine was broken. That's where my first thoughts. And then God just kind of whispered.

It's like he flicked me on the back of the year. He's like, hey, you remember that group of Christians in Acts chapter 12 praying for Peter's release from prison?

Acts 12 · chapter mention

And then God released him from prison. And then he came to the door and then he said, hey, stop knocking on the door. We're paying for Peter's release from prison.

Now, I'm Peter. He said, no, no, it can't be Peter. We're praying for him. He's in prison. No, it's Peter. I'm Peter.

And they said, no, no, it must be a ghost. It must be a spirit or an angel because we know Peter's in prison. We're praying for him to be released from prison.

And I said, wow, how easy is it to fall into that trap? I believe and we had great faith.

And I think God used that in some way to bring about this incredible healing. But if I'm being honest, I had to say, I believe, but help my unbelief.

And if you find yourself in those moments when we talk a big game and we talk big here at City Light because we believe God is big and faith is strong and God can move mountains.

But sometimes when we leave this place and the high is gone and we get kicked in the gut again, we think, is he really going to do it?

When you find yourself in that place, just remember he's done it before and he'll do it again. He's not done. He's not done.

Hallelujah. So awesome.

Let's look at that verse from 1 Corinthians 15, worship team, come on up.

Very, very encouraging. How many of you have been encouraged this morning?

But thanks be to God who gives us the victory as conquerors through our Lord Jesus Christ. Let's just say that together.

Ready, go. But thanks be to God who gives us the victory as conquerors through our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.

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