Forgiveness and Growth in Our Spiritual Family Journey

You can have a friend, but really the Lord has designed it so that, instead of you having to call outward for help and then waiting for it to come, you're supposed to reach out to that which is already available that he provided which is family.

So your brother was literally born for adversity. He was born to be with you in the struggle. He was born to be there to be your support. Your sister was there.

Welcome to the City Light Church podcast. Thanks for joining us today as we look into God's Word and discover the hope and truth that he has for us.

If you want to connect with City Light Church, feel free to visit us at citylightnyc.com, that's citylightnyc.com.

Pastor Boyan Jansik and his team believe that the power of the Holy Spirit is already working in our hearts and minds.

As you listen to today's teaching, remember that you are deeply loved by God, that you are surrounded by His grace, and that He has a real hope and a future for you.

All right, who's ready for the Word?

So again, my name is Muhammad. I'm one of the pastors here. I'm privileged to deliver the Word of God today.

Why thank you for that? This one person is super excited about. Amen.

Today, we're going to preach about family matters, and if your mind immediately went to an old sitcom, and your heart is on,

you're going to be a little bit more powerful than guess what? You've come to the right place. That is exactly why the Lord gave me that title.

I was thinking about it too. Showing my age a little bit, but I don't care.

So in most of my sermons, there comes a point when we insert what we call pasture time or story time with pasture mo.

It's just a requirement, so I figured let's just get it out of the way quick and early. Amen. All right.

My brother and sister are eight and nine years older than me respectively. They're a year apart from each other.

And you would think like with such close proximity that they would have the best relationship, and I quickly learned that that wasn't the case.

Now, we have a weird family dynamic because I actually didn't meet my brother and sister till I was three.

So I am what you call an African American. And I don't just mean that from like demographic forms and okay, where do you fit your box?

No, no, I'm literally an African American. I'm the first person in my immediate family born in this country.

My parents are from Sierra Leone, West Africa. And you wouldn't tell it by looking at me, no, hear me, but understand.

I know where my roots are from. My people, they are African people.

And I know you don't see it every time, but trust me, it's there. Amen.

So I'm a true African American. And my parents emigrated over, they went to college, they did the whole immigrant life, made a good life for themselves.

And then when they had the resources, they brought my brother and my sister over.

And it's a very hilarious story because my parents told me this and my brother and sister corroborated the story.

They said, when I first met them, I smiled. I was like, hey, great to meet you because understand I'm living as an only child for three years.

All I know is having all of the attention, all of everything, all the toys, all the chalkboard, all the drawing, everything is mine.

And then now I'm introduced to these people. And my mom tells me that I said, hey, it's nice to meet you. And I leaned over to her.

And I said, hey, when are we going to send them back?

So that should just tell you about where our dynamic started. Praise God.

But unbeknownst to me at the time, they had a rough history together. Although they were only one year apart, they couldn't stand each other.

And I'm not talking about regular like sibling rivalry or sibling conflict. I mean like, they would come to blows so much so that they sent my brother to go live in another village where she couldn't get him.

Do you hear what I'm saying? And I'm not throwing shade on them because this is part of their past. This is what happened. This is the truth.

And then one time I, you know, as a little kid, you fight about stupid things. And I remember I was arguing with my sister. And my brother leaned them very slowly to me and said, hey, be careful.

What does that mean? Cryptic much. And then my mom informed me like, you know, of their true history. And like, when I had like questioned him and interviewed him, interviewed him about this later.

He was just like, listen, she has tried to kill me on multiple fronts. And I don't mean like we had a little tussle. No, she's tried to kill me.

I said, oh, you know, step accordingly after that. Praise God.

But here's the thing. You don't get to choose your family. Amen?

Proverbs 17, 17 says this, a friend loves at all times and a brother is born for adversity. I remember I read that as early Christian. I was like, see?

I know it. These joke is. But really, I didn't have the revelation that the Lord wanted me to have because that's not at all what that verse is speaking about.

So the Bible says that a friend loves at all times. There's a difference between a friend and family. What's cool about a friend is you choose that relationship.

It's based on similar interests, ideals, and general likes. So when you like something, and I like something, we like that thing together. And the minute you don't like that thing, well, I'm leaving.

Out here talking nonsense, like as if Air Jordan's don't be all right, which is going to leave it alone. We don't leave it alone. But there's something to that camaraderie.

But there's also something to the fact that friendships can easily just be cut off.

Because when you come to the limit and you come to the point to recognize that our ideals are no longer the same, you just cut it off and you go.

The difference between family is because sometimes you can cut off family, but it doesn't change the fact that you're still.

So this verse really means that you can have a friend, but really the Lord has designed it so that instead of you having to call outward for help and then waiting for it to come, you're supposed to reach out to that which is already available that he provided which is family.

So your brother was literally born for adversity. He was born to be with you in the struggle. He was born to be there to be your support. Your sister was there, may developed by God to be your support system.

And I know immediately right now you're thinking to that sibling and family member that you can't stand. Focus, focus.

Try to tell you that God is doing good in your life by creating them.

Because it's just a natural thing. We think about that one relationship that you don't have a real way to articulate it, but whenever you think about them,

there is power in the blood, because we often say blood is thicker than water, but did you know that the people that go to this church with you are not just people who go to church, not just people who share the same faith that God by the blood has actually made us family.

That's a very real thing that I don't think we put enough weight and gravity to.

But, conversely, in the same way where you don't choose your natural family, you don't choose your spiritual family.

Now listen, this is April. This is the year 2024. You know what that means? It's election year. Do you know what else that means? The crazies are on their way out.

Right now, the crazies are at home in their closet, in their mirror going, all right, we're going to show ourselves this year. I've been waiting for years for this.

Because there's something about an election year that always brings out circumstance, situation, craziness in people.

So, specifically, when it comes to politics and things like that, because we're talking about family right now, I know that there are some of you that think to yourself that person can't possibly be a Christian. They're racist.

Oh, them. They're on the left. Well, that guy, I mean, he's a right-wing pundit. Yeah, you giggle because you know. Oh, no, his pastimo going, yup. Yes, sir. Yes, ma'am. You want to know why I'm going there?

I'm so funny. I had a conversation with Pastor Boy yesterday and we were just talking about, he reminded me of what's happening at Columbia University. Think about that.

So, here you have people picketing. I don't want to call it rioting because there's nothing that's nowhere near there.

But, they're parading themselves around in such a way to cause a confusion about the latest thing that they've been told to be angry about.

So much so that schools, that school is no longer offering in-person classes.

Now, it's a big hula-bula because some people are like, I want my money back, babe. I'm going to have me paying all these thousands of dollars to be on a Zoom. I could have done that at home, literally.

And you think to yourself, well, how does this even happen? Because if you stand and you interview one of these folks, hey, why are you here?

Like, you know, what side of the issue do you stand on? And sometimes it's one of those oblivious things like, hey, Jim, why are we here again?

And that's just the norm. It's the latest thing that you've been told to think and be angry about. Is it Ukraine today?

Is it Palestine tomorrow? Which thing are they now telling you to feel about it thing?

So all that to say, we're living in an age of mania and craziness and an election year is only going to make it worse.

And we need to prepare ourselves by getting our family matters in order.

Because again, you can't look at your family and go, huh, look at these lame jokers on the left.

They're so liberal, they just believe in whatever it is they want to believe. They out here siding with the folks that saying what's wrong is right and what's right is wrong.

They too, Lucy, do see over there.

Oh, don't think you say for the right.

Oh, because you know we have the moral upstanding because we are conservative.

Well, here's the thing. You might be conservative, but I'm not going to stand up under any umbrella that doesn't declare that Jesus Christ is Lord.

And we have these two and sometimes people get to this place where they're like, I'm to the left and I represent this and I'm to the right and I represent that.

As a Christian, let me just inform you, you don't have a political position of left and right. Your political position is up.

You are not left or right because those are things of this world. You are of another place.

A kingdom mindset on any one of these beliefs is that you would trust that Jesus Christ is Lord and ultimately the one in control of you.

People don't like to hear that because it's like, my people, they're not your people.

The ones that have been washed in the blood, Dems is your people.

And guess what? Dems is crazy.

See, that's the part they're like, you know, I wish I could comfort and console you like, man, just come into the body of faith is going to be so good.

No, we got some crazy folk.

I'm not joking.

You're one of the...

Listen to what Ephesians 117 says.

That the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory may give to you the Spirit of wisdom and revelation in the knowledge of Him.

Second Peter 1, 2 says, may God give you more and more grace and peace as you grow in your knowledge of God and of Jesus our Lord.

So here we have two very specific instances and Peter and Paul are admonishing and exhorting and encouraging the people.

I need you to know Jesus more and more every day.

I need you to experience and know how to utilize grace and mercy.

Understand that he was talking to known believers.

Why were they both talking this way to known believers because they understood that known believers are around other believers and some of them believers is nuts.

Wacadoos, immature, hurt people that can hurt others.

Let's get into it, church.

I'm the community pastor.

My whole aim and my heart is that every one of us would truly be the kingdom of God.

We would truly be community.

We would truly be family.

I would be remiss if I didn't let you know that there is room for heartache in the midst of family and community.

See, there's a whole section of the population of believers today and they call them D-churched.

They call them D-church because somewhere along the line they have experienced church hurt.

A lot of them are angry at God but really what they're angry at is they've gone through circumstances with other people that have been imperfect and hurt them and they've now projected their anger instead of correctly on lack of accountability, lack of boundaries and ill decision making that lack to wisdom.

But they're now putting that on God and saying, that's your church.

You know what? I'm spiritual and I'm not religious, bull.

And really what they should be doing because I'm not religious either.

And I don't mean by just making a joke or two at the pulpit and some would call that a reference.

No, no, no, it's not at all what I'm talking about.

The Bible says to be religious.

If you're going to be religious about anything, something that you religiously practice, it is to help the poor and the needy and the widow.

So if you want to practice anything and do it religiously, do that.

Everything else that we do in this place as believers, as Christians, this is relationship that is growing out of love.

So my every interaction with you needs to be an interaction where I remember what's happening above.

Amen?

Don't be disenchanted by the church, universal or other believers missing the mark.

If you are one of those de-churched hurting people, please give the church of Jesus Christ another chance.

Understand that there is no perfect place.

Even if you're an unbeliever today and somebody dragged you along and you just had that, you know what I'm going to go today.

I know you've been pestering me for the last four months, but I'm here.

Give Christianity and give the Lord Jesus a try.

Now understand this.

Again, there is no perfect place.

And I know that because the minute you showed up, you messed up the metrics.

Don't feel bad because the minute I showed up, City Light Church had no chance.

Perfection was just off the table after that.

I mean, I was going to make a joke about what Pastor Bo started the church.

It was all downhill from there, but all right.

I love you, brother.

I love you.

I love you.

No, but seriously, every one of us carries a fallibility and an imperfectness that the minute we're there, it is no longer a place for perfect people.

So you have to go in with that mindset, with that understanding that I'm going to be dealing with people that miss the mark.

The reason I say that is because we don't think enough about how God treats us and how it directly correlates to how we should be treating other people.

If you went in with a mindset of the cross, and I'm not talking about spiritually, I mean, think about a cross.

It has a vertical and it has a horizontal.

If you get the vertical right and you get your cues from the vertical, you can then know how to do the horizontal right.

Because we're talking about a God who lacked nothing, completely self-sufficient in and of himself.

He didn't even lack communion and fellowship because he's three persons, all at once.

He literally had the perfect relationship of love in and of himself and had of an abundance of love.

He tortures himself by making humans.

You might say to yourself, tortures, what do you mean, person? Well, here's the thing. He makes us humans, but he also gives us free will.

He gives us the choice on whether we should worship him or not.

And we often choose every day, every one of us to go astray because the Bible is very clear. There is none righteous, none that seeks after God.

So he makes us knowing that we have the ability to hurt him, but he does it anyway out of the superfluousness of his love.

He tortures us, but he loves us despite these things.

So now, like the man of God that I am who married up, I see you both.

You know, my wife has to deal with imperfection.

One person. A kid in a second, I was like, amen. Dang.

He deals with the imperfection, but he does expect that you would have such an understanding, such a sense of self that as you dealt with other people, you remembered what it is for him to have to deal with you.

Oh, you ain't saying nothing.

Proverbs 1911 says this.

The discretion of a man makes him slow to anger, and his glory is to overlook a transgression.

As we are entering this wild season of the election season, where people are losing their minds led by the media controlled by their flesh, I need you to be extra gracious as we deal with these family matters.

Now, here's the thing. We know that the church can miss it, because again, the church is filled with imperfect people.

Look no further than to the book of Acts when it was first started.

I love the message that we got from Pastor Beau for the last two weeks on hearing from God, because it's direct opposition to what the apostles did when they first became the church.

They followed Jesus for three and a half years, and the minute he left out of their purview, they said we're going to backslide and go fishing.

I know you called us to change the world, but you're not here, so I'm a go fishing.

Okay, they get back on track. Jesus has to make an appearance, because that's the direct direction was.

He makes a secondary appearance and goes, okay, let's do this again.

You're going to change the world, not just go fishing, got it.

They immediately start casting lots of the Old Testament.

No, no, no, no. Okay, guys.

I'm sending the Holy Spirit to you. He's going to guide you. He's going to lead you.

First thing they do when they roll in dice.

You're casting lots to see who's going to be the 13th member of the band.

Holy Spirit, I ain't never told you to do that.

And I'm saying all of this so that you can find consolation, because that was an imperfect church with imperfect people.

Their leader had a foot-shaped mouth.

So now they cast lots and they picked this joke of Matthias.

You want to hear something pretty awesome and hysterical about Matthias?

13th disciple, right?

He's to replace Judas.

History tells us that of all of the 13 disciples.

Nobody remembers anything that he ever did.

We don't have any historical fact about where he went, what he did.

Because he was picked, I mean, if we're really going to mince words,

Paul was meant to replace Judas, but that's neither here nor there.

So they picked this guy in error, in their flesh, as human.

Again, let this console you.

Because when you look to your left and you look to your right, I don't want you to think that,

oh, we've done so much better than they, no, no.

They made mistakes, you make mistakes.

We cool on that.

Because sometimes you got to break down the self-righteous pride that we have

that everybody else is the problem except me.

Because I've had conversations with people and they tell me, you know what?

I'm leaving this friend group.

I'm leaving this church.

I'm leaving this family because they did A, B, and C.

And then I come up, you know, I catch up with them a few weeks later.

I'm like, hey, man, how's it going?

Well, you know, I said that new place that you found.

How's it going?

Well, I'm leaving that place because A, B, and C.

And I'm like, man, that sounds super similar to the last situation

you had with those people over there.

And now you're experiencing these same things over here,

and then a couple months go by, and you're checking and you go, hey,

I know you found this new place that I recommended, place number three.

Because remember, I've placed number two in place number one.

You have any issues, how's it going now?

Well, you know, I'm looking for, I'm in between places right now just because, you know,

what happened was.

And I go, man, that sounds super eerily similar to the last thing that you were experiencing.

I wonder what's the common denominator?

The nasty truth is we don't like to admit that out of all the problems that we keep seeing in the church,

we are it.

Go back to your notes, preacher, got it?

We need to come to grips with the fact that everyone who calls on the name of Christ isn't at the same place

and get comfortable reconciling that tension that not everybody's perfect.

You know, a mark of the mature is their ability to carry and interact with tension.

And what do I mean by that?

There is a low revelation and a high revelation of Jesus, I mean.

How you see Jesus and what He did and what He does for you will define and determine how you see and how you treat people.

The cross isn't just a symbol of what He died on, it's the symbol of how we grow and how we die.

The vertical and the horizontal relationships are inextricably tied together.

Listen to this.

Second, Peter 1.8.

It says, the more you grow like this, the more productive and useful you will be in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ.

But those who fail to develop in this way are shortsighted or blind for getting that they have been cleansed from their old sins.

Peter is literally trying to say, all of the stuff and all of the issues that you keep having with other people is because you have forgotten that you have been dealt with the way that you need to deal with them.

Galatians 3.13, bearing with one another, forgiving one another.

If anyone has a complaint against another, even as Christ forgave you, so you must also do.

So we got to get the family matters right.

And there's a reason for that.

You know, as the church, our job is not to congregate on a Sunday morning and giggle and have goosebumps and a great experience.

Ooh!

Ooh, she got it.

I'm not against any one of those things because if you've been here before in the Sunday morning and you see me sitting in this front row, you know exactly what I do.

I'll be in a front where I should like.

Because these are all good and healthy things because we are connecting with the God of Heaven, amen?

By faith.

Loving Him and being loved by Him.

But that's not the ultimate aim of being a Christian.

The ultimate aim of you being a Christian, being a part of this church, being a part of this community, and by extension being a part of the Kingdom of God here on Earth, you are an emissary with a mission to get God's lost kids saved.

It cannot be this selfish thing where now every week we come and just feast and...

drink from the teeth of God's good graces and then leave the rest of the world to go to hell.

You know, I have an example and I don't even really like using the example because every time I do it puts a pit in my stomach.

But it's a poignant thing because it makes me remember what God is experiencing on a daily basis.

So I have three beautiful children and this is going to sound funny to you but sometimes I lose my son.

So what I mean by that is I'm a large human.

I don't know if you've noticed.

And he's small, he's only three.

Now here's the thing, I say he's small but I keep telling him you're going to have to pay rent, bro.

Because he's three but you look at him, he looks like he's five.

I just feel like I'm a little nervous because eventually he will be bigger than me.

And I don't know how much I'll be able to tell him then without getting yoked up so I'm trying to do it now, trying to establish some boundary lines.

But he told me that I said today before I left the house, I try to reason with him.

He told me to my face, I don't care.

My wife giggled like you are right now.

He told you, I don't care.

I'm going to go to church and preach that word.

But I lose him sometimes because I am a large human and he just gets in the blind spot sometimes.

We'll be walking and we'll, hey, come here, don't do that.

It could be something simple, sometimes we're in a store and I watch him walk down a corner and then turn the corner.

I know exactly where he is because I can see where he's going.

And even in that half a second, it fills me with anxiety that my child is not in my direct purview.

Imagine if I turn that corner and he's not there, the level of anxiety and stress that rises up in me.

Because I experience that for a micro fraction of a second every time I can't place him within my gravity.

What do you think happens if I'm in a situation where I actually can't find him?

I'm a big fan of the NBA.

I'm a big fan of the NICS, big fan of the Golden State Warriors.

One of us is doing well, one of us is not.

It's normally the other way around, but go NICS!

So, I love talking basketball.

If you know me, you know that.

In that moment when my son is out of my sight and I'm filled with his anxiety because my lost child is missing,

do you think that that is the most appropriate time to talk to me about the NBA playoffs?

Do you think that I will give you the time of day?

Do you think that I want to talk about going to an unlimited buffet to have some savory meats?

Do you think that I want to talk about anything other than my lost kid?

Now, I need you to understand that daily this is God's heartache because the Bible tells us very clearly

the thoughts that he has for us cannot be numbered up in order.

They are more than the sands of the seashore.

So, every day he is desiring and wanting his lost family to be found.

We have a mission as believers and sometimes we are failing because we don't even care.

We got to get the family matters right because we don't even realize it,

but the greatest evangelistic tool that the Lord ever gave us was each other.

Worship team, you can come on up.

John 13, 34 says this.

A new commandment I give to you that you love one another,

as I have loved you that you also love one another.

By this all will know that you are my disciples if you love one another.

He's trying to say the people in this world,

when they see all of the various backgrounds and demographics and income levels and how different and how broken and weird we all are,

but yet still getting along, yet still moving in love,

they will know that we belong to Jesus.

His deity will be a firm, his supernatural power will be put on display and they'll be like,

something's happening over there.

It's about to be a civil war out in them streets,

but these people is moving as one unit.

John 12, 32,

and I, if I am lifted up from the earth, will draw all peoples to myself.

If we would endeavor to do the family matters work,

if we would literally put Jesus first over our ideologies, over our politics, over our religion,

over everybody's in idiosyncrasies.

Because really that thing that makes you specifically you that sometimes can grate on and annoy somebody's soul,

is something that I need to have an understanding that it's a preference, not a moral right or wrong.

Because half of the things that we argue about really what we're doing is we're moralizing our preferences.

Because really what we're saying is I like doing it this way and when we find somebody who doesn't do it this way,

what we're really saying is, well, you're wrong because you don't do it this way.

Well, that's just your preference.

The truth is the word of God.

This is why in an age today, you have to cling to a place like City Light Church that will still declare the truth of God's Word.

And I don't say that just because I'm a pastor here.

I say that because if I wasn't a pastor here, I would come here.

Matter of fact, when I wasn't a pastor here, I did come here.

Because there's something to declaring the truth of God even if it means being canceled and canceled culture.

I refuse to give into the lies that say what is wrong is right when God has clearly given us the baseline of truth and not preference.

Everything else, that's preference.

Listen, we can agree to disagree, but the one thing that we're going to settle on is Jesus Christ's Lord.

One of the early church fathers wrote this is a fellow by the name of Tertullian.

He said that many outsiders were attracted to Christianity in its early days because they saw an inexplicable love in the early Christians.

They would exclaim, look, look how they love one another.

In today's society, I'm praying that we would have that same aim, that we would understand that family matters, that we would be so into caring for one another,

loving each other, that we would be accused of having divinity in our midst.

That somebody would look at our interactions and go, that has to be supernatural, right?

And then we could say, did I do that?

I'm challenging you and I pray that you accept the challenge to love people right where they are for the sake of winning the lost.

Do not just be a Christian that is all about your own stuff and forgetting that we have a job to do.

Love those people, those EGR folks.

Oh, you know them, the ones that grate your soul? Listen, I love everybody, I don't like everybody.

Not you, but...

But no, for real, like, I understand whole heart like there are even people in my family like, we get along, I don't like you.

That my choice, I wouldn't keep interacting with you, but I don't have a choice.

I am not allowed to because of my commitment to Jesus who owns me.

As a disciple, he bought me by his blood, he made me his own, so I don't have a particular choice, I need to love you.

I just may not like you. And that's okay, because we can still interact if I don't like you, because I'm going to love you and I say love,

I'm going to sacrifice for you, I'm going to serve you, I'm going to be there for you.

And when we do that, God will be glorified.

So the challenge is set, but here's the thing, I wouldn't challenge you to do something that you have no ability to do.

In and of yourself, you cannot, but you are not by yourself, you have his spirit on the inside of you, you have his word to direct you,

you have Jesus sitting at the right hand of the Father ever living to intercede on your behalf.

Think about this, could you ever really fail if Jesus is the one praying for you?

Why don't you grab hold of that revelation the next time you feel like giving up?

I'm so proud of my daughter. She started running track, and when I thought it was like a kiddie thing they were going to run around the school yard,

they out here doing miles.

I remember after the first practice she came up to me, she was like, Dad, my chest hurts, my feet hurt, I feel like I'm going to die.

And I said, Baby, I'm so proud of you because you feel that and you didn't give up and you ran multiple miles today.

It's been years since Daddy did that.

You've been empowered to do amazing things and most of it starts with you loving the person that's sitting to your left and right.

You do your part in the natural and he will empower you for the supernatural stuff.

Let's sing a song together.

If you need prayer or ministry, our ministry team will lay hands on you and by faith release the presence and the power of God.

If you need the encouragement to love the unlovable, to be reminded of how you have been cared for by God and come up to the altar.

This is the City Light Church podcast. If you've missed any part of today's message or if you would like to find out more about Pastor Boyan Jansik in City Light Church,

visit us at citylightnyc.com that's citylightnyc.com.

Feel free to visit us online or in person anytime. We would love to connect with you.

We pray that you have been encouraged today, that you have been reminded how much God loves you and that you are surrounded by grace.

Thank you for listening. Make sure that you subscribe to City Light Church podcast wherever you find your favorite podcasts worldwide.