God's Timing in Our Moments of Despair

Dreams die, hopes can die. We ultimately win the war. That's assured to us through the victory of Jesus. But some battles, we lose. Sometimes some battles, we lose. But ultimately, we have the victory. And if you'll keep your eyes on Jesus, he will turn it around. He will work it out. And he will grant you the victory in the end. Hallelujah.

Welcome to the City Light Church Podcast. Thanks for joining us today, as we look into God's Word and discover the hope and truth that He has for us.

If you want to connect with City Light Church, feel free to visit us at citylightnyc.com. That's citylightnyc.com.

Pastor Boyan Jansik and his team believe that the power of the Holy Spirit is already working in our hearts and minds. As you listen to today's teaching, remember that you are deeply loved by God, that you are surrounded by His grace, and that He has a real hope and a future for you.

Let's begin in John chapter 11. Those of you joining us online, it's going to get better. Hang on. Don't hit escape yet, switch tabs. We're going to go into John chapter 11.

John 11 · chapter mention John 11 · chapter mention

Now a certain man was sick. Lazarus of Bethany, the town of Mary and her sister Martha. It was that Mary who anointed the Lord with fragrant oil.

The Bible specifically says it wasn't just any Mary. It was that Mary. It was that Mary who had a closeness with Jesus. It was that Mary who had a familiarity with Him. She was an inner circle. It was that Mary, that Mary who anointed the Lord with fragrant oil and wiped His feet with her hair.

Whose brother Lazarus was sick. In other words, it seems to be just denoting that if anybody was owed a favor, it was that Mary. She had a reputation already and a relationship.

Therefore, because it was that Mary, therefore the sisters sent to Him to Jesus, saying, Lord, behold, He whom you love is sick.

And when Jesus heard that, He said, this sickness is not unto death, but for the glory of God, that the Son of God may be glorified through it.

Now watch verse 5. Very puzzling. Now Jesus loved Mary, excuse me Martha and her sister and Lazarus. He loved them. So, verse 6, when He heard that He was sick, He stayed two more days in the place where He was.

What? Did you read that? That's a little odd. That would be like you calling me with a problem and me saying, I love you. And I could come tonight, but I'll be there next week.

Like if you loved me, you would do triple time and come right over here. Jesus loved them and then stayed two extra days. Verse 17.

So, when Jesus came, He found that He had already been in the tomb four days. Now Bethany was near Jerusalem about two miles away and many of the Jews had joined the woman around Martha and Mary to comfort them concerning their brother.

Verse 20. Now Martha, as soon as she heard that Jesus was coming, went and met Him, but Mary, she was upset. She was sitting in the house.

And Martha, kind of as the representative on behalf of both of them, you can hear the tension and there's bitterness here. Lord, if you had been here, my brother would not have died.

She's experiencing a, it wasn't supposed to turn out like this moment. Now, most of us here who are reading the Bible and know the Scriptures, you know how this ends and it ends well. And Jesus, He raised His Lazarus from the dead. But I want you to just feel in that moment what Mary and Martha must have been feeling.

Lord, we're down with you. We have a good relationship. It was that Mary who went to the feet of Jesus and now my brother is dead. And if you had just come on time, you wouldn't be dead and you hear the frustration of, it wasn't supposed to turn out like this.

I want to minister to people this morning who have either experienced or experiencing a, it wasn't supposed to turn out like this moment.

You said, what about if I'm not in one of those two categories? Well, more than likely, eventually you'll experience and it wasn't supposed to turn out like this moment.

The disciples and Mary, Mary the mother of Jesus, at His crucifixion. Could you imagine what they must have been thinking? They didn't think it was going to turn out like that. It wasn't supposed to turn out like this moment.

David, the Bible is full of these kinds of moments, by the way. King David, just the work of defeating Goliath, only so he can get near King Saul who then persecuted him, hunted him all up and down Israel.

He resisted that for years. Eventually, I mean, now we're talking decades, he becomes King, unites the Northern Kingdom, unites the Southern Kingdom and then ends up falling with Bathsheba and his first child dies and he's ashamed and he's condemned.

That was it wasn't supposed to turn out like this moment. Yet out of that whole mess came Solomon who led Israel in a time of unprecedented victory and prosperity.

I want you to know that God's plan B is better than His plan A. Amen.

What Jesus does with Lazarus, you could look at and say, wow, that's God's plan B but it's actually better than plan A.

Solomon coming on the scene could be looked at as a plan B but it's better than God's plan A. Did you know that this what we're living right now in the new covenant of His grace and having experienced His redemption?

I believe is God's plan B. What's God's plan A? God's plan A was the Garden of Eden. Now this will make your mind spinning you go but he knew that that man was going to fall and Jesus is the Lamb of God slain before the foundations of the world.

Yes, he knew but don't confuse his foreknowledge him knowing the end from the beginning from what his actual will is.

And plan B is way better than His plan A because through the plan of salvation we get to reveal through our own lives the mystery of God.

Man, you're not really preaching until you're talking about your own life. I'm giving a scriptural examples and when I first got saved I was encouraged and told that God's will I was 16 when I got saved by the way.

I was encouraged and told that God's will is not for me as a teenager and as a 20 something to bounce around from relationship to relationship date around and basically be a Christian player.

They said don't do that. And I said you know saved all of one week why not. And the answer I got back made sense to me. Well how will you be emotionally whole and emotionally healthy when you're joining yourself to one person and then when times get tough you break apart then you join yourself to another person times get tough you break apart and you join yourself to yet another person times get tough and you break apart.

And then also if there's a physical union now you're giving yourself away there's a soul exchange you know when so far as to pay I don't know if you've ever been in Christian youth group you know the but it's true the flower pedal and each time you physically connect with someone you give a piece of the pedal away and eventually you're just going to have a stem don't do that.

And that even though I was just saved for one week I thought that that actually that resonates with me and then I feel that and that makes sense I can see I'm getting a lot of amends right now this is some real popular preaching.

Actually most most city lighters I know that you do believe this and you don't this is a better way than what the world offers.

And I believe that and I live that so I felt that I was going to have smooth sailing as long as I did it God's way but sometimes that's not always the case so I stayed single I stayed single throughout high school I stayed single through four years of college.

I was waiting I was waiting for God's will and then in my early 20s when I was 24 so so just nearly 25 years ago I got married and that marriage lasted only a few years and my world fell apart I had a huge it wasn't supposed to turn out like this moment.

You know when somebody goes through something you can just listen to them like if somebody's cat dies oh my cat died and you're like oh that's so sad anyway catch the game last night you can't really relate and so I'm telling you a quarter of a century old story and you might be like oh but you're doing good now so anyway.

But if you could just if I could just take you back to what it felt like for me right I'm staying single my eyes are only on Jesus I'm following him in holiness I love him I'm dedicating my life to ministry I mean that's not going to happen to me that happens to lukewarm believers that happens to compromise Christians I don't deserve that I didn't want that it's like I believe God for me.

It's like I believe God for that. It's just to think crumbled and city light church was already started was a few years old and I'm now in my 20s and you live your life in a fish bowl as a minister it wrecked me it ruined me.

That first Christmas I spend Christmas in a diner I just always remember that see again people like oh did you get eggs or did you get you don't like I never done that before.

I go I wanted ever to be was a family man and serve God and now I called my worship leader up who happened to also be divorced and said what do you do it's Christmas morning I was like well let's go out to eat so I meet him in a diner and I don't it's hard for me to describe to you how depressing a diner is Christmas morning to do sitting down ordering over greasy eggs they got that little those cheesy tinsel decorations and the Christmas music playing and when you're going through that that's the most depressing music.

I think you can hear on planet earth they got the glittery cheap Christmas decor greasy spoon diner in Brooklyn and I'm going is this this is my life now how did this happen.

And by the way sometimes things just happen you may have had a loss and the devil when we have a loss when we have a it wasn't supposed to turn out like this moment sometimes it's our own fault sometimes we greatly contribute to that and we're reaping the consequences of our own actions.

Sometimes also what people really have a hard time grasping Christians because they feel that God is a giant puppet master in the sky controlling everything sometimes bad things just happen because we live in a fallen world you know we live in a fallen world I'm not living a fallen life.

And the whole point of being in Christ is that to us to a very very large degree according to my faith I'm preserved from this fallen world but at the end of the day it still a fallen world and happens.

Yes I was just sharing with my son we were looking at some nature that's so beautiful I said I know but can you believe that nature that's so beautiful that's actually nature under a curse did you know that the Bible says all of creation

is groaning for the revelation of the sons of God and the lifting one day lifting of that curse so that beautiful tree that beautiful mountain a beautiful waterfall we know it is beautiful because we're comparing it to a New York City sidewalk but what would it really look like when the curse lifts you have no idea a waterfall that may be flows upside down that may be parts sixty seven different ways sparkles inside with diamond like facets you don't know a tree that opened up a tree that opened up a tree.

It opens up and praises God and claps its branches and has just splendor and we don't know we'll know one day but we live in a fallen world and sometimes things just happen.

Jesus. Hallelujah.

If we're let me just I don't want to leave this part out because I don't I don't I don't wear a wedding ring but I'm very happily married I just don't like the stuff on my hands by the way feel like you know how old wedding rings are they're very modern invention just a little over a hundred years old the way your rings fellas and ladies I'm not I put a ring on her and she wears it but I sometimes I just I just not a habit.

So I guess it's my funny way of saying no I'm very happily married now.

I went through this hell I went through this heartache I went through all the self doubt I went through really wanting my life to end.

Doubting at times and my lowest for moments just doubting the very existence of God and then out of the blue.

God brought me this angel. We've been happily married for 11 years now have two beautiful children. God's plan B is better than his plan A.

This is coming out a little different than it did in the first service but if I can just get this into you that sometimes look sometimes things die dreams die marriages die sometimes people die hopes can die.

We ultimately win the war that's assured to us through the victory of Jesus but some battles we lose.

Sometimes some battles we lose but ultimately we have the victory and if you'll keep your eyes on Jesus he will turn it around he will work it out and he will

grant you the victory in the end. Hallelujah. He's a God of redemption. He's a God of resurrection. Hallelujah.

I want to tell you just three things that I was tempted with when I went through my dark night of the soul and had this crisis of faith. Hallelujah.

The honest people came in the first service. I got to tell you. I try not to gauge them. I really do try not to gauge the message by the reactions.

There was a lot more people nodding in the first service and the liars came out the second service that are like I can't relate to you at all.

Number one. I'm glad we can have fun together. I was tempted to change my physical location to change my geographical location.

I was tempted to leave NYC. It's very similar. You'll see this throughout the Bible too. Most notably in Peter. They went through it wasn't supposed to turn out like this moment after the crucifixion.

What did Peter do? He said, I go fishing. I go fishing, I believe in the King James. I go fishing. In other words, I'm leaving here and I'm going back to what I was doing when Jesus called me.

I encourage you when you go through that moment unless the Lord is speaking to you loudly and clearly and confirming it through other people who know the Lord in your life, I would stay put where you are.

Because in that fog of war when your head is spinning and you've taken a big hit, then is not the time to be even more unstable and bouncing around.

A lot of people, because in those moments we really want to jump out of our own skin, but we can't do that. You've got to take yourself with you wherever you go. Then you think of changing cities, changing locations, doing some other drastic shift. Don't do it. Amen.

Number two, I was tempted to, and this is an important one. I was tempted to change my theology. I was tempted to change my core belief that God is good into a God who initiates suffering.

And I want to be very clear right now, the Bible talks about Christian suffering. And every time the Bible talks about Christian suffering, it's always in the same context. It's a special kind of suffering. It's the suffering of being persecuted, being misunderstood, and being envied to the point of persecution.

It's the sufferings of Christ. You look at first Peter, second Peter, the great suffering books. Every time you see suffering in the Bible, it's not talking about divorce. It's not talking about the death of a child. It's not talking about some kind of disease. Never.

It's not talking about a grand piano falling out of the sky on your head. Freak accident. It's a car t-boning you. Can you see that? Amen. It's not talking about that. We're promised suffering, but a special kind of suffering.

But when you're going through it, the devil will whisper in your ear, this is God. And I refuse to allow my circumstances and my experiences to write my theology, amen. Let God be true and every man a liar.

So I would still say, even though my mind, my mind was felt warped. I mean, I felt like I had multiple personality disorder times a hundred. Throughout the day, this is a real messy process. God is good. Why is he doing this?

No, but he's like Schmiegel, you know, and Lord of the Rings. Lord, I trust you. Why do he do it till you, though? A hundred times a day.

But you got a land back on God is good. God, good, devil, bad, amen. Hallelujah.

I knew, deep down inside, I knew, that if God was going to rewrite this story and come through with this plan B, I had to give him something to work with.

And I will not, I wouldn't point to my story as definitely someone who handled it perfectly, especially for a minister. I always held myself to a higher standard. I thought I'd handle it better, but there were, there were seasons where I would just, during this period, confess to other pastors, my confusion, my, my unbelief, my struggle.

God is faithful, and he's just looking for a little bit to work with, a little bit of faith. This is why the Bible says, guard your heart, guard your heart with all diligence, for out of your heart come the issues or the well springs of life.

So what I was tempted with, and what you're either being tempted with now or will be, is bitterness, bitterness against God.

And it mainly comes from, from this place of believing that God is a giant puppet master in the sky who controls every single event on planet earth without realizing that we live in a fallen world and he's not involved in every single event.

And some things believe it or not just happen. He'll come in on those things when you ask him to and he'll make all things work together for the good, but some things are just set in motion.

But protect your heart, never let it become cynical. Jesus didn't mind skeptical. There were skeptical people who asked them questions and he answered them, but what he did mind was cynical.

And there's a difference between skeptical and cynical. The Pharisees were cynical, he didn't give them a second of his time, except to review come and correct them.

But you can just see that they were proud, they were religious, they were arrogant, and they were cynical, guard your heart.

He's not doing it to you. God's not torturing you. God is good. The devil's bad. Hallelujah.

And number three, I kind of went there already, but I was tempted to quit truly trusting in God, to doubt his kindness, his goodness, to doubt his character.

But what's the alternative? If you're going to be a believer, what's the alternative? To believe God for wicked things? To believe God for evil things to come upon you?

All my life, he has been faithful. Even during those times, all my life, he has been so, so good. Hallelujah. Hallelujah.

Thank you, Jesus. worship team, I want you to come up. I'm not done preaching, I would just like you to come up because we're going to receive communion.

I want to tell you that I want to tell you three things God is doing in the midst of I didn't expect for it to turn out like this season.

When you receive the communion elements, I would ask you to just hang on to the elements, please.

Three things God is doing. Number one, God is loving you right now.

It's amazing how kind he is, how patient he is. I mean, I knew better, even as a young pastor, but I knew better.

I knew better than to let my heart go in certain directions and let my thoughts run away from me, but he was so kind and so merciful throughout that whole thing.

And when I say that God is loving you, it's not this contemporary love where when we say I love you, what we really mean is I'm sending positive vibes your way.

You know how we love something and which just means like I'm sending good juju your way, thumbs up, I love you.

God's love is a love of action. John 316 is God so love the world that he kicked back and said, be blessed. No.

He so loved the world that he's praying into action. He so loved the world that he gave his only begotten son that whoever believes in him should not perish but have everlasting life.

God is loving you right now. That means even if you're in pain, if you will just inwardly say, yes Lord, I believe and I believe you're working in the invisible realm.

I believe you're loving me. You're working out things that I can't put my finger on but you're working in the background. Hallelujah.

When you're going through it, I know what I thought. I thought God, if you were me and I were you, I'd sure come down and help you.

I couldn't see him in that moment but he was working.

He was working.

Number two, God is allowing you to go through a process. He didn't bring about the process necessarily. In some cases he did but I wouldn't lose sleep over wondering where the process came from.

I would just embrace God in the process and there has to be a process. Everyone has a process. In the Bible everyone had a process. Abraham had a process. He went through Moses had a process. David had a process.

Even Jesus in the wilderness had a process. Paul had a process.

Sometimes we talk about him being the potter and us being the clay. That process is akin to that. Have you ever seen a potter work a piece of clay? Anybody here in pottery making?

I always see the videos and it's like the highlight part where you're spinning it and it's looking so shiny and beautiful.

But is there a part where you just beat the tar out of that clay? Is there a part like that?

If there's any bubbles, take a ride and poke out the bubbles and that's the process. Hallelujah.

Kuhabi, man. Learn something new all the time.

Thank you, Lord. Thank you, Jesus.

Number one, God is loving you and His love is the love of action. Number two, He's letting you go through a process.

Why the process? So that you'll be able to withstand the magnitude of blessing that He wants to bring you away.

If I had now what He has given me, now at 48, if I had all that I have, if I had that at 28, I mean my head would have exploded.

It would be like putting a bazooka in the hands of a three-year-old. Who knows? Who knows who I would have become?

Maybe I would have become arrogant. Maybe I would have become who knows how I would have lost control.

It would have been too much too soon. But thank God for the process now, even though He's giving me an overflow.

Sincerely, my heart attitude is, Lord, you're too good. You're so obviously so much better than me than I've ever been to you.

I'm not worthy in and of myself, but in Christ Jesus I'm worthy. So yes, I do receive. No, I won't reject it.

I receive and thank you very much. You're very, very good and very, very kind.

And Romans 8.28 and we're going to, we're going to partake of communion to this.

And please don't get confused by the stuff that God works out for the good to him initiating this.

There's some people that break their leg and it leads to something wonderful. And then they're tempted to think God broke my leg.

No, you got your leg broken. Somehow, God doesn't, God is not a mobster. He's not in the leg-breaking business.

And then he comes in and he makes all things work together for the good.

But you can see how we would be tempting to think, well, maybe God came and no. He doesn't break legs.

Can we just show Romans 8.28 up there? And we know that all things, say with me, all things work together for good to those who love God,

to those who are the called according to his purpose. Hallelujah.

There are people I've encountered when they've had a, it shouldn't have, I didn't think it would be like this season.

And they don't allow the Lord to come in to heal them of the bitterness.

By the way, if you're bitter at God right now or fighting bitterness against God, this is not an unnatural thing.

In the Christian growth process. When people are really honest, everyone's had a season.

That's why I mean, read the Psalms. You think you're alone? Half the Psalms are the guys starting off really, really upset with God.

Borderline bitter with God. And then as he's talking to God about his situation, about God, by the end of the Psalm, he comes to his senses and,

but, yeah, Lord, you're good and I will praise you. And your name is Holy. Hallelujah.

My prayer is that the Lord would work a healing in you. Those people who let the bitterness stay, I feel for you,

but you can get locked in that place in 20 years, go by and you're still at that point of crisis in your life emotionally.

So I can talk about these things and it's like I'm talking about another person, like I read it in a book about somebody else.

Father, in the name of Jesus, I thank you that you make all things well.

You take our pain and turn it into something that you can use. And I thank you that your plan of redemption, you, and only you can do this, you make it better than the original.

And your plan B is better than plan A. It's not a downgrade. You take us from glory to glory. It gets better and better.

And we believe it and we receive it in Jesus name.

Thank you for listening.