Summer in the Forge || Week 5 || Honor your parents | Couch discussion

All right, I'm running everybody.

We're gonna bring the lights up.

And uh first, I'd just like to say welcome to everybody and a happy father's day.

If you can see a father around you right now, can we just tell them a great big happy father's day?

Reach over and pat them on the back more.

Let's also let's just give all the fathers in the room a great big hand.

Awesome.

We love our great dads in the room.

I'm gonna invite some very special people up onto the stage to join me today, along with, we're gonna be choosing five random people from the audience.

I'm just kidding.

You guys, everybody just we're not all of the panel members are gonna join me on stage right now.

I think some of the panel members just got scared.

They're like, oh, what is happening?

Who has to sit in the white chair?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'll be the host.

Okay.

All right, all right.

A few microphones.

Here we come, here we come.

Yes, I think we're look we're looking good.

Pastor Jason can sit right there, and we're we're in good shape.

As you guys know, we are in the middle, the dead middle now, of um a 10-week series through the middle of the summer called Summer in the Forge, where we're looking at the Ten Commandments.

And um you can probably guess what today is, even though I've shuffled them up in an attempt to keep you from uh knowing what's gonna be on what day.

Uh, we did not want for Father's Day to be the day where we talked about thou shalt not murder, but we've we've arrived at uh honoring our father and mother today.

So um I thought what what would be more special than than allowing some of our pastors and uh some of the ministry team members to share their hearts and some of their experience and be able to discuss some of the some of the the harder aspects and the the perspective of what it really looks like to walk in honor.

Um if if you have ever taken this seriously to being a person of honor, then you know it's not an easy thing.

It's not just uh it's not a natural thing.

It's not a foregone conclusion that you can just easily give people honor because you decided to.

Uh so we're gonna talk through some of that today, and hopefully, uh not only you will you be challenged today, because uh as we look at the Ten Commandments, it's very easy for us to think that that God's rules and God's commandments set up parameters and they become a prison.

But I I need you to see through that today, to see that God, God's um God's commandments actually protect us.

They protect our relationship with him, they protect our relationships with people, with our parents, the way that we relate to each other, that make us stronger if we'll if we'll walk in his commands, if we'll keep his commands, and um his blessing is on our life.

And so I want to start and uh Exodus chapter 20.

Exodus 20 · chapter mention

I'll go ahead and take my seat.

Exodus chapter 20 says, honor your father and mother so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving.

Exodus 20 · chapter mention

And um, we're gonna talk a little bit about how this particular commandment is different from some of the others.

But first, I want to introduce the panel.

So why don't we just really quickly, uh, if you have a mic, I know we don't have a mic for every single person, but if you we'll just go right down the list.

If you'll just tell us who you are and um give us like a one-sentence version of what honor is, what what what you feel like honor is.

In fact, um I'll I'll give us a biblical definition of honor.

We'll just wrap this into one thing.

The biblical idea of honor is this that it means to value, to give weight, or to treat as significant.

Um that's what biblical honor is, and that sometimes we get honor confused with uh things like where it says to give God glory.

There's a difference between glory and honor.

We give God glory, we give people honor, and that is to give value, weight, treat as significant.

So let's let's just do this.

Give me kind of your idea of maybe a one-sentence perspective on on how what that looks like as you introduce yourself, and we'll just go right down the down the line here.

I'm Pastor Gala, I'm Pastor Angela's mom, and his mother in love.

So we're fairly close and happy Father's Day.

Yes, the father of our family.

Honor to me means this you can't love someone without honoring them.

Right?

Honor changes your perspective of the person.

I mean I'm uh Jamal Armstrong.

Um my wife's gonna introduce herself here in a second.

Um When I think of honor, I think of uh loyalty.

Um I look at look at honor as um look at my father, I was loyal to him uh far as being obedient.

So that's why I look at honor.

Okay.

Hi, good morning.

I'm Krista Armstrong, the other half.

Um for me, um I think it is twofold.

It's acknowledging the the position that God has placed that person in your life and and loving them um out of obedience the way God loves us.

Good morning, everybody.

I'm Pastor Jason.

Um for me, honor is is respect, right?

It's showing respect.

Uh not where because the Bible talks about respect in different ways, like God's not a respecter of persons, but he respects us.

But what honor to me, when when I'm saying respect, it's it's giving that giving that respect, giving that person the respect that they're due because of not just the position you're in, but but how they are, like who they are to you, right?

And so that's that's honor for me.

Amen.

Good morning, all.

My name is Joseph Bayekusi.

And um for me, honor means reverence, um, reverencing authorities that have been placed over you.

It may not necessarily always be your dad or your mom.

I honor my pastor.

And wherever you work, your boss at the office, you we are all expected to honor that is reverence, the authorities that God has placed over us.

So good.

That's good.

Hi, I'm Pastor Susie.

Um, and honor to me is really um all of these things, right, in conjunction together, but really placing value on who this person is in your season of life that the Lord has placed them, right?

And we want to honor and value what that purpose is for that person.

That's good.

That's really good.

Um I to me it's kind of a posture.

It's like the posture that I take with um how I approach someone, how I see that person.

And it doesn't always have to do with like it's not a reflection.

It's not if I see you, Sean, and then I'm not giving you what you're due necessarily or what what I think you're worth.

I'm giving sometimes honor is giving more than that.

Sometimes honor is saying, I'm not giving you a reflection of you, I'm gonna treat you how God has asked me to treat you, regardless of how you look or how you act or who you are.

So uh I think a lot of great perspectives there.

Um I wanna Ephesians 6 and my microphone keeps chopping out.

I may have to steal another microphone.

Or not, I'm gonna make this one work.

Ephesians 6 talks about how this is the first commandment that has a promise attached to it.

So this is the the the promises that if I can honor my my father and my mother, then what does that come along with?

That comes along with blessing that adds blessing to me, a long life.

And so with that said, why do you think God connects honor with blessing?

Why why are those two things connected?

With honor with blessing, longevity, uh, and things going well with me.

Uh how about Joseph?

All right, thank you, Pastor Sean.

Um, you know, we're living a world right now where there's so much abuse, there's so much darkness.

You know, Isaiah 60 verse 1 it says darkness shall cover the earth and gross darkness will cover people around the world.

Isaiah 60:1

And we're living in a time whereby so much in the family is going on, you know, between husband and wife, and between parents and children, in the context of today's um you know discussion, it says honor your father, not just only your father, but also your mother.

You can fall into the trap that my dad did not do well to me, so I'm gonna honor only my mom.

No, that's not what the Bible says.

Because, like we all heard, honor as commanded comes with two-dimensional blessings.

It says that you will live long.

Two, that it may be well with you, and I speak to all that have parents in the room.

Fortunately for me, or is it unfortunately for me?

I've lost my both parents, I've lost my father-in-law and my mother-in-law.

So, as it were, I don't have a biological father or mother to honor, but I got a pastor here to honor.

You know, I got leaders to honor in the room here, Dr.

Gala, all the time.

Um, again, let me take it you know a bit deeper because of my African upbringing and training.

We we we take honor as a big deal.

It's impossible for you as a son to look in your dad in the face and dishonor him, even if you are not a Christian.

That's not the culture.

So I grew up with that mentality that hey, whatever it is, I got to respect my dad, I got to honor my mom.

I got to, you know, somebody talked about loyal, Jamal.

I gotta be loyal to my parents.

So there is an attached blessing.

So it's not just only a feeling, it is also has an expression.

Honor has an expression, and I speak to the kids in the room.

We got to honor our parents, they may not look like it, they may have abuse, you may have you may have come from an abusive parenting or a parenting that your parents were not there for you.

The Bible still says, honor them.

Yeah, and it comes with a blessing.

Thank you.

Yeah, I think the opposite is true, also, that even though it's clear that when we honor our father and our mother, that the blessing is attached to it.

But I think the the opposite is true that whenever I'm giving dishonor, that I'm also reaping some of the opposite effects of blessing, and I'm inviting some of those things into my life.

And then unfortunately, we look around and and we don't always connect the two of uh how did I get here?

Uh how did how did I reap this uh harvest?

And it could just be a harvest of dishonor where I've been pouring dishonor into the wrong places.

And of course, if I'm pouring dishonor into into those, and if not, I'm not I'm not creating a culture like you talked about a culture of honor in the Nigerian, uh it's it's maybe different than some of the cultures that we've grown up in, some of the families that we've grown up in, then it's uh it's inviting the wrong kind of harvest.

So that's so good.

So I don't think uh it's been mentioned a couple of times that I don't think that uh honor is just a feeling, it's not just uh a reflection of well, this is what I've been given, so this is what I'll give back, which I think is a terrible it's a mistake to think that way.

Um we think that we have a right to only give back what we've been given, but we've been commanded by God to pour it.

It's because we honor people based on who we are, not on who or what they've done.

Right.

It's who we are that shows honor, not how we're treated, right?

That's true.

It has to be it has to start with us.

We decide that we're either going to be obedient and be the kind of people who it's who I am.

It's I'm I'm going to be the kind of person that, or I'm gonna tell my kids that we are the kind of people that give honor.

We're people of honor and not people of dishonor.

And if as a society or a family, as a a culture, as a church, if we don't decide that we're gonna follow God's command on that, then we become uh, I guess, we become a people of dishonor.

And we we reap that harvest.

So what does that look like practically?

I'll just open the uh open the panel.

We'll start with Pastor Jason.

What is what would what does a practical expression of honor look like and practical ways that we can show honor to maybe that not just to father and mother, but as as has been mentioned, there are other parental figures.

And well, I'll keep it to father and mother just for a second.

Just my kids in my kids are in the room, so you can buy me lunch today because it's Father's Day.

Um that is a real practical way to honor me.

But uh, but honestly, yeah, food's always the best.

Buy me lunch.

But um, you know, I my mom uh I call my mother every week.

And and it's it the pra it's once again, it's just a practical expression, right?

So I make sure to make a phone call every week, no matter what I'm doing, no matter what's going on, I I pause and and make an effort to talk to my mom.

Um and because it's a big deal.

It's a big deal to to your parents.

I I I I don't talk to my dad as much.

I got I'm working on that, so there's that, but but I'm talking to him more than I was, um, for sure, and and working on that piece.

But it is it is like you said, a decision.

So it's literally we have to make a decision to to posture ourselves and uh and that will become a habit.

So now honoring my mother has now become a habit in my life on a weekly basis.

Yeah, and I think one of the obstacles to that is that sometimes people say, Well, they never call me.

Uh you you may be in that position where, well, if they call it goes two ways and we we can make all kinds of excuses, but if honor makes a decision, if if honor is the deciding factor, then it may be that you need to make a phone call today that breaks the chain or breaks a pattern or breaks a um you may be setting a new tone of honor in your family by saying, Okay, I'm gonna make a phone, maybe a phone call, or let me buy you lunch.

I think that that's even better.

What else?

How else can we show honor?

Okay.

Um, again, um, as as many of you that are very close to me, you know the place of my dad in my life.

My dad, while he lived, was my number one hero in life.

He did so much as a father, and he he he he he he modeled fatherhood for us.

I got three other elder brothers, I have a twin sister, and I have a younger sister and an elder sister.

So my my dad showed what it means to be a father.

And growing up and becoming a father today, it has given me that sense of, you know, my my dad set it by, he set the example for me, you know, how to take care of all of your kids.

And then again, my dad never showed fit favoritism, you know, to any of us growing up.

And and I got five kids by the grace of God, and at times my kids will say, maybe JJ is my my favorite child.

You know, and then why he's called JJ's JJ means Joseph Jr., you know, and all of that.

But but most importantly, I I think again it has to do with culture for us, you know, because you know, uh as growing up in Africa, it's a responsibility of your dad to take care of all of you through through through elementary school.

So, unlike what it happens here, you know, back in Nigeria, you you you pay your way through through elementary school, you pay your way through high school, you pray your way through college.

So, my dad, for all seven of us, my dad was that figure who paid, my dad was in the army, and I mean, God blessed him, but but he was that responsible to paint all the all truth to our college from elementary school.

And back in Africa, we have this culture again that when your father grows old, and then maybe my dad retired from the army, it's your responsibility in honoring your dad to take care of him in his old age.

So, my dad, after he left the army, we bought him a house, we bought him a car.

We go often, like Jason said, we we we we we we my dad is that kind of a man that he wants his children every week around him.

So we go always to visit my dad.

It's good, buy him gifts and stuff like that.

So for me, honor means all of that to somebody, not because he was honorable and he honored us, but it was just a commandment to do.

Sure.

So providing and uh spending time with maybe it's meals.

What are some of the things that on the other side of that, um thinking practically of not just how we how we can bring honor and show honor and express honor, but what are some of the things that stop honor?

And I I've mentioned one, and that is that it's just a pattern.

It's uh maybe it's just the the culture that you live in, that's just the way it was.

There um we don't tell each other we love each other, or we don't talk the way that, like like Pastor Jason said.

What are some of the things, uh, Krista?

I think we live in um a world where it's really easy to to scroll and to find um things that look perfect on our reels.

Um, so our expectations um sometimes are flawed, and the way that we look at people is flawed because we've used the world around us to set those expectations and we forget that our parents are human.

We forget that they're imperfect, um, that they too are part of that, all have fallen short group of folks that the Bible talks about.

And so we we become very critical and it's um our focus gets skewed a bit.

Um we tend to find every fault and every missed opportunity every time they didn't show up, every time they didn't do this, every time they didn't that, they didn't look like that guy's, you know, mom or dad.

Um and so I think we we tend to get very, very hyper-focused on what they're not doing.

Um, and then all of a sudden we get offended.

So we go from this um sense of having a very critical spirit, and then all of a sudden we're very offended.

And then as pastors talked about multiple times, even in the last year, we get triggered and trapped.

We get, you know, we hold those offenses against them and we lose all sight of who they are in our lives and we we can't even see the smallest things.

And sometimes it's their inability to, not because they they don't want to.

Sometimes parents are unable to, and um we we lose complete sight of that, and all of a sudden that becomes bitterness and resentment.

Yeah.

And it just goes down that path of things that become unhonorable, you know, and so we reap the benefits of those too, with broken communication or just not showing up, and then you're not showing up, they're not showing up, and it becomes very much a place where you're very far apart from from um your person.

That was my experience.

I didn't have the dad that was there.

My parents divorced when I was two and he was nine hours away.

So for me, um, my dad wasn't there.

I saw him two weeks every summer.

I saw him either Thanksgiving or Christmas, and he called twice a year.

So it can turn into us loving in a retaliatory type of way.

You didn't, so I'll do this.

My dad used to give us$500 on our way home from visiting him in the summer, and he'd stop at a mall and he'd say, You can't take the money.

This is like eight, nine, ten years old, guys.

He's like, Here's 500 bucks, go spend it, but you can't take the money home with you.

And by the time I got to be 16, 17, I said, Oh, so that's how you're gonna love me.

So I held on to that.

So when I got to college, guess what I did?

I only called when I needed something.

Yeah.

I only called when I needed some money or I wanted something because you show me that's how you love, and I'm gonna love you right back the same way.

So I think that that we have to be careful that that critical doesn't turn into a fence, that doesn't turn into something that is a true thorn in our side and in our heart that that carries you for years and years and years until you can get past all of that to truly see your father, see your mother, see the people around you in a way where you can honor them from your heart.

Very much like forgiveness is not for them, it's for us.

Yeah.

That is the same way honor is honor's for us, it's not for them, it's about them, but it's for us.

So I think we have to be really careful to not just see the bad.

We've got to see the people for who they are.

Father mother titles or pastor titles does not negate that they are imperfect human beings, guys.

So good.

And we can repeat history.

We repeat that cycle when we start responding like they did, then we've just reciprocated and we can't.

Continue it on in our own lives.

Yeah.

What better gift of honor?

We think of honor as an outward expression.

We think of it as like giving something, like a gift.

But um how better to honor someone than to check my own heart and make sure that my my perspective and my um the condition of my heart is right.

That is that's I think I think that's an incredible uh posture of honor, that it's not just an outward posture, that it's also uh it shows maturity.

And um this has kind of been touched on, but we don't just honor people because they are honorable.

Um we honor people because we are honorable, and because God is honorable, and he's if we're his people, if we're if we're Jesus' followers, then we have to we have to be honorable.

And honor teaches us self-control, maturity, uh, conviction, not reaction.

So uh I I think it's so valuable and so important to transferring that honor and being people of honor into our own children.

I love seeing the video earlier with all the kids and just them trying to use a telephone.

They don't clearly some of them have never seen an old telephone.

Um but Jamal, how does honor reveal our character?

Um so when I look at uh character, um, I look at the individual as a person.

Um and a lot of times when you think about honor, uh it's a character builder.

And the reason why I say that because I don't think honor, like we've been saying, is for the individual to be honored.

Right.

It's just like forgiveness.

Forgiveness is actually for me.

Right.

So to honor my mother or my father is a biblical principle that benefits Jamal, not necessarily my parents.

Right.

So when I see that, that builds integrity in me.

Number one, it says, I'm gonna do what I say I'm gonna do.

Sure.

Uh number two, it says I'm gonna be obedient, you know, because this all benefits me in the long run.

Um my father and I had a great relationship.

Like Joseph, he was my best bud.

Um, this month makes a year that I lost him.

So when you talk about honor and building character, this man shaped me.

Yeah.

I am who I am because of him.

Everything about me is because of my father.

Not because he mold me that way.

It's because as I honored him, it built character in me to want to be like this great man that I see in front of me, you know?

So when I look at how honor builds your character, it defines who we are.

Are you a person that can humble yourself and respect someone else that's in the honorable role?

When I look at how God created my parents, he used them as a tool, actually, yeah, to get me here.

Because my purpose is in him, not in them.

So when I look at honor-building character, it's so it's so important that we understand that it's for me as an individual, not necessarily a person to be honored.

Sure.

Uh it builds that enterically.

I mean, are you the person that, like you said, I love how you put that.

Uh even though they're not honorable, we are.

That means so much to God and so much to Him to know that we can humble ourselves to honor those individuals that need to be honored.

I remember the first time I got in trouble and I went to court.

And uh they said, all arise, and we rose.

You know, I had to lean over and ask my dad, I was like, why are we standing for this man, for this woman?

It was the lady at the time, and he was like, boy, shut up.

You know, and I was like, what's that all about?

So when we left, he kind of told me the positions of the judges and why they sit up high and all of that stuff.

And as a kid, you know, especially being a troubled teen, I was like, I can care less.

Yep.

But as I got older and started to learn how to respect authority, it didn't do something for them.

It was okay for them to lock me up if I was dishonorable, but it it hurt, it affected me even more.

Yeah.

So as a character builder, I think uh honorable on being honor is a character builder in itself.

Sure.

Wow.

I I love I love hearing the honor in your voice for your dad, and I think that probably there's some people in the in the audience, some people in the room or watching online that can relate to that and say, hey, that's how I felt about my dad.

Or I think it's harder though.

It's it's very easy to give honor where you've been given honor.

It's very easy to honor what's honorable.

It takes a stronger character to honor what's not honorable.

And that that's I think there, that's the hardest part of this commandment is sometimes the challenge is that I have to give honor where I don't want to give honor, whether it's a judge or a parent or et cetera.

There's some places where I'm like, well, they have been very dishonorable.

Why should I have to give them honor?

Well, the commandment doesn't say, hey, give honor if you're paying, if you have good parents that you can have great memories and heartfelt, they touch your heart, they raised you, they taught you well, and okay, then give them honor.

No, no, no, that's not what it says.

It says honor your father and mother, and then you'll have the blessing attached to it.

So here's a question Um why is it easy to find uh the dirt in people especially family, and why is it harder to find the gold?

And how do we how do we do that?

I'll take this one.

Yep.

I think and you said find it's easy to find the dirt, but harder to find the gold.

Right, right.

Well, dirt is on the surface, y'all.

Everything we do is out there to be seen, right?

And I think that we are conditioned and we are trained in this society to pick out the negatives before the positives.

So, and I think a lot of it is a defense mechanism.

Like, let me see how you're gonna hurt me so I can go ahead and plan for that before I let you in.

And, you know, it kind of reminds me of um, you know, when you have company, right?

People are coming over to your house, you're you're all worried about what needs to be clean, what are they gonna see when really they just walk into your house and say, Oh, what a pretty house.

But you're like, don't look at the floors, don't look at the baseboards, don't look at the windows, right?

Because we're conditioned to try to pick those things out.

But in order to find the gold, we got to start digging.

Yeah, look at that.

We have to be vulnerable with people, we have to spend time with that person, we have to get to know those people.

And that's the only way we're gonna really truly know character, know purpose, know their calling, and what purpose they have in my life right now.

And you know, this last year, um, like Jamal, I I lost my father.

Um, and what many people don't know is in the last nine months, I've actually lost two fathers, both of my fathers.

And that's a story.

Everybody's already like, What?

So I I grew up a preacher's kid all my life.

But at the age of five, this father adopted me.

I was actually from another man.

And you know, from that age starts that bitterness, that okay, all right, miscommunication, misunderstanding, hurt, you right, like Krista said, you start baggaging that stuff up.

And at the age of 40, I finally met my real father.

At the age of 40.

Now I love my dad.

I my he grew me up in the church.

He is the reason why I'm sitting here today.

But you know what?

My first initial thought is where's the dirt?

Why?

Give me the give me the the parts that are hurting me, right?

But then when I was able to see the value in this man at the age of 40, haven't seen him in 35 years, y'all.

The value and getting the understanding and getting the backstory.

I'm telling you, it changed me.

And those two men are who I am today from those two people.

So I think digging for the gold, you gotta you gotta put in the time, right?

We have to get to know people because we're we're already gonna look and see the dirt, you know, and we're gonna gauge our honor to somebody for how much dirt we see.

To give the sidebar to my story, um about six, seven years ago, um, I dug.

I found the gold.

My dad used to give the$500 because he said, I'm never there to take you bowling, I'm never there to take you skating, I'm never there to show up to buy you clothes here and there or take you to the movies.

So when I do have you, I want to give you a moment.

Yeah.

So all the time that I thought it was because you didn't want to show up, so you threw money at me.

You were just loving me for the times you couldn't be there.

But it took me 30 plus years to get to the gold.

Yeah, his intentions were really good.

It wasn't a bad intention.

But I didn't I didn't see it that way because I saw the dirt on the outside and I never asked otherwise.

But I sat with my dad and I cried with my dad, and he said, That really hurt me when you felt like that, and you would call me later just for money.

And I said, But that's how you loved me.

He said, Did I really though?

And he said, It hurt me.

And I said, Well, what were you doing?

And when he had a chance to just explain himself, there was the gold and it changed our relationship more than I could ever tell you.

Because his intention mattered.

Not that he wasn't pr next to me all the time, but he was trying to make up for all the time he wasn't.

Sure.

I think sometimes there's a you we we can say, okay, well, I've seen the whole story.

I know the whole story, and it doesn't add up, or it's not enough.

I think that's really the danger, is that we allow ourselves to to arrive at the decision that, well, that's not enough.

I I the thing is being Christ-like and being a Jesus follower is saying, it's I know it's not gonna be enough.

And I'm willing to, I don't I don't have to change the standard of what right and what wrong is, but grace, uh the Bible says that his grace is enough for me.

I'm not good enough for God, I'm not good enough for his grace, I'm not good enough to earn salvation or redemption or justification or all error, his mercy is enough for me.

And so being Christ-like part of me is just saying, you know what?

You may not be good enough.

You may not have earned my honor, but I'm gonna give it anyway.

I'm gonna I'm gonna take all of this into perspective.

I've seen the story, I'm digging for the gold.

God help me to give grace where I'm struggling because I know a bunch of people in the room.

There's like, well, you just don't know my dad.

You just don't know my mom.

It and but but I also I think that just because I'm giving grace and just because I'm giving honor doesn't mean that I'm giving total access to that person.

I'm not saying, hey, I forgive you, and now you can just have access, full access to my life.

We're gonna do things your way now.

I don't think that has to be that way.

I think I think we have to say, I'm gonna honor you in the ways that I can.

Um I'm gonna honor you in the way that I can.

So one of the things that hasn't been mentioned in honor is when we're turning to our spiritual uh character and we're turning to how do I honor someone spiritually?

Um prayer and praying for someone is a is a big step.

Some of some of us haven't even made it to that point where we're saying, I'm willing to pray for this person.

It's like I just don't want anything to do with them.

So, how does prayer change the way we see our parents or authority figures?

Um, I'll just throw that at Pastor Jason.

Um, so with me, I because I didn't I grew up in church, but I grew up in the Catholic church.

I didn't really know how to pray.

Uh, didn't understand what prayer was.

And so it wasn't until I met Stephanie's parents that um that her dad really took me in the under his wing and and and taught me how to pray and and just as I got close with them.

So he was literally a father figure to me, and especially a spiritual father figure like that.

Um, and so it taught, but it did teach me a lot as we got married, uh, praying over my parents, praying over my mom, my dad.

My dad was one of the ones that, you know, he he never told me he loved me until he was 30.

Um that's a completely different story, but uh but I I never understood love from a man uh in in that aspect from a father figure because it was never shown to me.

And it it's it was the way it was taught to him, so it was the way it was taught to me until I met Stephanie's parents.

I saw the way his that relationship was with his kids.

And so as he's praying over his kids and he's praying over his parents and stuff like that, it just taught me uh a better way to do it.

And so as me and Stephanie get married and we're growing and we're praying over our parents, and not necessarily going to my dad's house, laying hands on or anything like that, but just in our nightly prayers, we're praying over our parents and stuff like that.

My relationship with my dad got better and better and better.

And like I said, when I was 30 years old, it was Hurricane Katrina, stuff like that.

I live in Louisiana.

Sorry, I'm talking so fast.

Let me slow it down a little bit.

But Hurricane Katrina uh lived in Louisiana, and he was like, son, you got to get out, we got to do this.

I love you.

And that was the first time I've ever heard, and I was like, whoa, and it it hit me, stopped me in my tracks.

But um, whether it was because everything going on or not didn't matter.

From that day on, there was a point to where not just the honor was there for me praying, but I can see the difference in him, and I knew prayer was working, and that's that's really where it changed it for me, where I can see, physically see and hear the change in in my own father.

It changes um it's hard, it's hard to see someone in a very bad light when you continue to pray for them because something happens in prayer that you're reaching for a higher perspective.

And then I think ultimately we need to be able to, we're aiming to see people the way God sees them.

And when I'm praying for you, I'm praying for dad, praying for mom, even if they have done terrible things.

If I'm praying for someone, I'm reaching for um God's approach to them.

And my perspective changes through prayer.

So uh let's let's do this.

Let's do one last question, and that is if we if you could leave everyone with one thought, uh, what's the one thing you you want people to uh walk out remembering and thinking we'll just go down the line?

Uh Pastor Susan.

Um, I would say let's visibly walk this out.

Let's visibly show others what honor looks like.

You know, that sometimes that is just honoring our commitments, owning our mistakes.

That is um keeping to our word, right?

As we as we are a witness to what honor looks like, our children will raise up knowing that as well.

Yeah, thank you.

Um for me, um, I would say like I started, I said the world is full of darkness right now.

Values are changing, family values are changing.

But would we follow the mistakes of our parents and not being honorable to our kids or vice versa?

And I want to say this to all the young people in the room you still got your parents with you.

Honor your parents, love them, obey them, reverence them, you know, and and let's not break the cycle of bad parenting.

That's great.

Let's break the cycle of dishonoring that is prevalent in the world today.

Yes.

That's one word I would leave with everybody in the room.

I I'm yeah, I'm I'm agree with Susan.

It's lead by example, right?

It's uh the Bible says, teach your kids in the ways of the Lord and they will not depart.

And so um that's that's what I hope to instill and try to instill each and every day is I just want to lead by example.

Not necessarily say I love you, but actually show the love to my kids and and show how to honor people practically, teach them how to pray, teach them where to read uh reading their word and stuff like that.

So it's it's gotta be a practical example.

I think I want to speak to the people whose parents haven't met the mark, because that's where I was.

Um have the hard conversation, pray for them, um, sit with them, dig for the gold.

Um they're not gonna be perfect.

Some of them don't know how, and they'll never meet the mark.

So stop setting unrealistic expectations because every way that you need to be validated and loved and fulfilled is in God.

It's not in that person, they will never meet the mark, guys.

So make sure that you you find a place where you can love them the way God does, because heaven forbid he loved us the way that we show up sometimes.

Heaven forbid he loves us for all the times that we didn't meet the mark.

If he loved us like that, God, we would be in a rough spot.

So you gotta look at them and you gotta love them like God commanded us to love him.

That's what he asked us to do.

And so, for all those who haven't met the mark, dig a little bit, have the hard conversations and love them the way God has asked us to.

It's real simple for me.

Not my will, but thy will be done.

Great.

It's a one sentence for me.

Your parents are doing life for the first time too.

There's no rule book here.

And they were raised by parents who did life for the first time too.

So give them grace.

Yeah.

We can all um we can all take the uh advice, I think, in trying to reach for what it looks like to be honoring people.

More than just honoring father and mother.

It's honoring, it's being honorable people.

Learning how to walk in honor, speaking honor, acting in honor.

So today, whatever that looks like for you, I challenge you to take the first step.

Maybe they don't uh deserve it or haven't earned it, but figure out what it looks like.

Maybe the best Father's Day gift you can give your dad is to just take the first step towards.

Maybe you need to be the one that says, I love you first, or I forgive you first, or let's go have lunch and just let's move on first, or open a conversation first, or reaching out first.

So I hope that there that your perspective has been shifted a little bit today toward honor.

And if you're struggling and thinking about I don't know how to, I don't I don't think I can do that.

Here's the thing: God gives us the commands, not because he wants us to just just change.

He says, This is who we are, and I'll help you change.

The process of sanctification, the molding and the shaping that God wants to do in us through his Holy Spirit.

It doesn't just happen because we decide, it happens because we invite him to be the Lord of our life.

We invite him to lead us and guide us, and we become Jesus' followers, and his Holy Spirit empowers us to take the steps that we can't take on our own.

But it all starts with a simple decision.

And before we go today, I'm gonna give every person in the room an opportunity to make that decision, and that is follow you, God.

Lead me, guide me.

Uh, from this moment forward in my life.

I want to be an honorable person.

I want to be someone who follows your commands.

I want for your glory to be reflected in my life.

And so I'm gonna just invite everyone in the room as we close.

Would you just bow your head right where you are?

You can close your eyes and make your space, your chair, just into your an altar right there.

And we're gonna pray together, and I invite you to repeat this prayer after me.

And we're just gonna invite him to be the Lord of our lives, to bring his honor, his glory, his life into us.

That that takes a step of surrender where we we can't become a new thing unless we give up the old thing.

The old man has to die, the old part of me, the flesh, has to come to an end, and then he breathes new life into us.

So if you've never made that decision, let's do that together today.

Would you say these words after me?

Dear God, today I give you my life.

I choose to follow you, I choose to walk in honor, I choose to give honor.

So breathe life into me.

Bring it into this life of the flesh, where I follow my emotions, where I follow my own desires, and from this day forward, I'll follow you and let you be my Lord, my savior, forgive me of my sins, wash me white as snow in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Amen.

Let's put our hands together.

Thank you, panel.

You guys are just good.

Will you stand up on your feet with me as we get ready to close?

I'll invite the prayer team to join me at the front.

I hope that you'll have a wonderful Father's Day.

God bless you guys.

We love you if you want to pray with someone before you go.

Make your way up here.

We'll see you next week.