You’re Not Behind: Breaking Free From Comparison

It's like if someone else is succeeding, then that means I can't succeed.

Yeah.

Like it's like there's like a limited amount of fame, success, money, whatever, whatever.

But like the truth is, like in the kingdom of God, like there is that limit.

Like, just just because a brother or sister is doing in your eyes better than you, it doesn't mean that you can't also like get there or do that or or be what God has called you to be.

They are comparing themselves to another, using each other as a standard of measurement.

Yeah.

And so they're using each other as the standard of success, of how well uh I succeed is the standard.

And so Paul is not saying this out of false humility.

He's actually saying, like, this whole framework of comparing yourself to each other is stupid.

Hello and welcome to the Crossroad Podcast.

I'm so excited to be here today with all of my friends.

Uh Pastor Jake is normally here, but he is uh unable to be here today.

So you guys are stuck with me.

All of you are stuck with me, so I apologize.

Uh I am Pastor Michael Searles, I'm the worship pastor here at Crossroads.

And uh so let's go around, let's start things off and go around uh the circle.

Just real quick, quick introduction.

What's your name?

Where do you serve?

And then we'll uh we'll dive into today's topic.

We will start here and work our way around.

Sweet.

My name is Austin.

I Austin Bowen.

I started working here at Crossroads in January as a resident.

Um working with the youth.

Excellent.

All right.

I'm Tammy Kelly, and I serve with the worship team, and I do um some admin for the worship team as well.

You do.

I'm Taylon Anderson, and I'm a bridge coordinator, so I kind of just oversee our entire young adult ministry.

Wonderful.

Well, thank you guys so much for joining us today.

We are going to be talking about a topic that is, I think, probably present in just about every single person, uh, regardless of age, regardless of uh gender, regardless of background.

This is something that I think we all probably struggle with to a degree.

Um, and that is the topic of comparison.

So we're gonna kind of touch on some probably deeply personal topics today.

So I want to encourage you all, please feel like share from your own life and experience if you feel comfortable.

But also I know this can be like a really like sensitive, sensitive topic.

So um it's okay to get real, but also don't feel like you have to kind of yeah, put yourself out there if if you feel a little bit uh less uncomfortable.

But but you know, before we get into the heavy stuff, let's uh let's start off with uh with an icebreaker.

Okay, so is there someone or maybe either currently or maybe even when you were younger or another time in your life, is there someone that you have looked at and thought, wow, I've gotta get my stuff together?

Like you see where where they are, what they're doing, and you just think, man, where am I?

What am I at?

Anyone have uh an example of that?

Oh gosh, I'll give you a second if you need to think about it, because I have one locked and loaded.

So I was born on July 23rd, 1989.

18-year-old.

Wait out already.

We are three minutes into this thing, and I'm already getting wow, okay.

Uh, July 23rd, 1989, the exact same day as one Daniel Radcliffe.

Daniel Radcliffe is an actor who very famously portrayed Harry Potter in the Harry Potter movies.

Um, so he and I are the exact same age, and so literally growing up from like 11 onward, I could just look at him and be like, wow, look what he's doing with his life.

He is a multimillionaire, world famous actor, and here I am in seventh grade.

Like, what am I what am I doing?

Um yeah, so even now today, here we are.

He and I, 37 years old, and uh he's yeah, a award-winning famous actor, and and I'm here making a podcast.

So who's the real winner?

Yeah.

Anybody?

I just think of like someone off of Dance Moms, maybe, because like growing up, I was like the only dancer in our family.

Everyone else pursued soccer.

And I was actually like pretty good until I quit, but I would see like a bunch of the girls on dance moms and be like, you know, I suck compared to them.

And so it's like, where am I gonna be when I'm their age or whatever?

But I don't know.

I feel like I don't know if I've never ever been like, oh, I need to get my stuff together.

It's more just like, well, I hope to be in their place someday.

You know what I mean?

Okay, yeah.

That's fair.

Yeah.

I can take that.

Did you look up to Jojo?

No, she was so annoying.

I'm sorry, she was not it.

Don't talk about Jojo see well that way.

Come on.

Jojo.

You learn nothing.

Oh I think for me, I'd not necessarily somebody that like I feel like I need to get my act together, but just somebody that I really, really admire.

Are um, of course, like worship greats like um Natalie Grant, Cece Wynans, like who are still killing it.

Oh yeah.

And um, yeah, yeah.

They're they're older worship leaders, but they're killing it.

And they've been doing it forever.

Yeah.

I mean, as long as I've been alive, they've been, which is apparently a very long time.

Um did you have a dinosaur for a pet or wow man.

All right.

Austin Man, you can cut the tension in here with the butter knife.

That's just the stench.

Oh man.

For me, it's not a specific person, but looking at college sports, I look at these dudes who are making millions with NIL money and they are like doing exceptionally well.

Man.

Yeah.

Just just wait till somebody retires from like the NFL and you find out they're younger than you.

Then then you're really gonna Yeah, I'm gonna feel it.

No, yeah.

So I I think you know, this is just a fun way to kind of um talk about how comparison, even in in good ways, Tamba, like you said it it really you look up to them and aspire to be like them, um, it can it can seep into our lives, right?

And so um, yeah, so we're just gonna dive into this thing.

Again, I I invite you guys to be as vulnerable as you feel comfortable being.

Um, and also if you if you have questions, like this is a conversation, we'll just, you know, kind of feel feel this thing out.

So, uh where do you think comparison shows up most often in the lives of Christians?

And why is it so easy for us to fall into it?

Hmm.

I think sometimes it it shows up in just plain like judgment.

Um, it's easy to look at someone else and look at their mistakes or their flaws or um that kind of thing and and think to yourself, well, at least I'm not like that guy, or at least I'm not like that person, or sure that kind of thing.

Um yeah, because I I feel like as a Christian, you strive to be um, you strive to be Christ-like.

Um, but a lot of times in our striving, we tend to fall short, like looking at at other people.

Yeah.

Absolutely.

I uh uh so that's interesting.

I um when when my mind goes to comparison, I immediately think of like who am I looking at that I feel inferior to?

But there you bring up a very, very real thing of like we can almost get a false superiority complex.

Be you know, people who are either like they they've just become Christians and they're still, you know, whatever, or that's that's really really interesting.

Yeah.

Okay.

Um Taylor and Tyler, uh Tyler.

Are you serious?

Oh sorry.

I'm always yelling at the two of them, Taylor and Tyler.

So I just Austin, uh either of you well, let's Austin.

Let's go to you.

What what do you think?

Yeah.

I feel like comparison uh is most prevalent in social media now.

Um, I mean, it's a world full of social media, it's a world full of scrolling, it's a wor world full of seeing others on it.

And on social media, you tend to see the best side of that person that you're looking at because you don't want to show your ugly side on social media.

And so when you look at that, you scroll and you see this dude who's doing a lot better in life in your eyes, you're like, Man, like what am I doing?

And I mean, Roosevelt was right, comparison's the thief of joy.

Or like I'm scrolling on social media and I could look at Bryce Crawford.

Yeah, I'm like, this dude's around the same age as me.

Um and he's doing this ex these exceptional things, and it robs me of where God has me.

It robs me of my joy because I'm looking at him and where God has placed him in his life.

Yeah, and it's like, man, and that's where I find myself even.

I mean, to be straight up and vulnerable right off the rip go.

That's where I find myself most prevalent to comparison is when I'm scrolling on social media and I see a hotshot young preacher who's going around preaching at has these preaching dates on his social media, and you know, he's he's has thousands and thousands of followers, and I'm like, man, like can I like what what's happening with me?

Like, yeah.

And so that's where I feel comparison's the most prevalent in my life.

Yeah.

Do you find when you when you see those guys and their dates, uh, do you find yourself wanting wanting to replicate that?

Do you find uh yourself want feeling just like retreating into yourself?

Like how does that when you see that stuff, like what are the feelings that are hitting you as you're you know, you're scrolling or whatever?

It's almost like an insecurity uh of like, am I not doing good enough?

Yeah.

Like if I was doing good, uh I tell myself if I am doing good enough, then I would be where they're at.

Yeah.

And so I kind of just downplay myself, I downplay where I'm at in my life.

I I it starts to get the insecurity starts to creep in because I'm telling myself that I'm not good enough now, and if I was good enough, I'd be where they're at.

Yeah, and so I feel like a lot it derives from a place, and I also feel like it derives from a place of pride as well.

Yeah, where I'm comparing myself to them and pride starts to seep in.

I'm like, man, like maybe I deserve to be where they're at.

Maybe that's comparison.

Maybe I'm putting them myself in their shoes.

I'm like, yeah, man, I would do so much better in this case scenario.

I would do so much better than them.

Yeah.

Like in their spot.

And so I feel like pride could also seep in.

And so I feel like insecurity is where a lot of that was from from from my perspective.

I think the thing with social media is too, like, we're putting our best self forward, but there is so many people that get on social media and they think that just because people can't see them, that they can just say whatever they want to.

And so they're so mean.

People are so mean.

So then, you know, that feeds into that insecurity.

You could get on there and post something, you know, thinking I should be like this guy or or that guy.

You go ahead and post something that you think is meaningful, and then somebody turns around and like shoots it down or like you know, tells you how stupid you are, or you know, that kind of thing.

Yeah, I know.

I see it all the time.

And it's like, why are people so mean?

Yeah.

Yeah.

And it can cause those shame spirals in people.

I mean, man, so yeah.

And so that I think that's something helpful to keep in mind, particularly on the topic of social media, um, that we do see these people um that are, you know, these these big preachers or these guys that are amassing large followings, um, and we forget like that they are they are just normal people and who knows what they're going through on the other end.

Um, and also like we are seeing a very polished produced version of them, right?

And these is kind of like the highlight reel.

Um, as really easy to kind of, yeah, start to feel man, but insecure, pride, all of that stuff spill up, man.

How about you, T?

Yeah, I feel like with both the pride and then the insecurity I've talked to, some of like my girlfriends, and I think for like some of my biggest struggles that I've faced, and then even with them recently, is like we look at what people have and we're like, okay, well, I've done this and I've been following the Lord for this long, but like I'm on the back burner to God.

Like, why is he not answering my prayers?

But he's answering Austin's prayers in two days and Tammy's prayers that she's been praying, and like I've been praying the same prayer for 10 years, and he hasn't done anything.

And I feel like within that, you can compare a lot of like, Lord, what else do you need from me?

You know, like why am I not enough for you, or why am I on the back burner, or why fill in the blank?

And I feel like that's kind of where it can come to be an insecurity of like, is my faith strong enough?

Like, am I doing the right things?

But then also pride of like, no, I honestly deserve this more than you.

Like, I should get this X, Y, and Z before you should, because I haven't done as much as you have.

And, you know, you can you can twist it however you want, but I feel like that's something that a lot of me and my girlfriends have like pulled apart of like, yeah, this is the root of some of the comparison is like the Lord's just not showing up how we desire to.

And when he does show up, we're like, God, this isn't enough.

Like, why haven't you given us more?

And so yeah, yeah.

And it's interesting being in the worship world, like, um, so I've been on the worship team for 18, 19 years.

And um, I'll just share a personal for instance.

Um, there have been times when I've felt like um maybe the Lord is calling me to lead, and um ultimately that's what happened, but um, I felt like um things should be going faster than what they were in in different seasons.

I saw like some younger people coming in and just kind of like scooting around where I was, and um it was painful um because you see these people and like um it's not that you have anything against them, like um some of these people I dearly loved and loved watching them worship, but then at the same time you're like looking at your journey and saying, Why me?

Yeah, and um like why am I not excelling or why am I not moving forward?

What is this, you know, what does this person have that I don't have?

And you know, you go through those questions and you honestly are asking yourself, what is it?

Like, what am I doing wrong?

And it may not be that you you're doing anything wrong.

You may be doing everything right, but uh God's timing is perfect.

And so, like, um having gone through those seasons, I learned that there were some things in my heart that needed to be changed, or like there were some things that he was trying to grow in me that couldn't just happen overnight.

Um, those things come, you know, gradually through different lessons that you learn.

There have been times that I've even had to go back and like apologize to one of these young worship leaders because um I wasn't being nasty to them, but I certainly was not being helpful in ways that I could have been.

And like I've had to go back and say, hey, I'm sorry, but like this is what I'm feeling in my heart, and I don't want to feel that way.

And um led to really wonderful conversations and wonderful relationships.

But yeah, it's it's hard when you want something so bad and it's not happening.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So do you think uh on kind of all of this together, what are some potential reasons why God is allowing someone else to do all these things, whatever it may be, reach a certain spot in ministry, uh uh get get the social media following or the preaching or the worship leading?

Why, why, what could be some possible reasons?

Like taking a step back, it may either looking at your own life or maybe in other other people's lives.

Why is God giving them the platform that I desire and I don't have it?

Yeah, I think for me personally, like in the times that I was praying for things and the Lord didn't answer the prayer in the time that I wanted to, and then I went out of my own way, it was because I made an idol out of it or because and that I like I ended up ruining it because I hadn't done a heart check and you know, I wasn't where I needed to be to acquire these things faithfully.

And so I think that had I just listened to the Lord, he would have just provided in this timing and it would have been good without me having to go through lessons or whatever.

Um, and so I think sometimes I'm too prideful for the Lord to be like, no, I have this.

And he's like, okay, I'm just gonna let you watch what what like what's gonna happen then had you not been patient.

And so there's a lyric to a song that just came to mind.

Um, I think the song is called Always on Time, but she says, Um, if I knew then what I know now, I would just stay still and let you work it out.

And yeah, like I I feel like for me, like I had made an idol of things.

And it's easy to do in that worship world because like we're such creative people and the like passion like runs deep.

And um, you want what you want.

And like you could want it for all the right reasons, but then there's that, there's that little bit that says, like, this is mine.

And like the Lord didn't promise us those things.

Yeah.

Like he promised to be there for us, he promised to be with us, but he didn't promise us like a platform.

He didn't promise that promise that we were gonna be on a stage, or we didn't he didn't promise us that we were gonna be um number one in the social media world, or like um, he didn't promise a podcast, uh yeah, but like he promised to be with us and to lead us and guide us, and we just need to let him do it.

I I mean I can look at scripture all over the place.

People who God destined for greatness, but had to wait for it.

Right?

I mean, just start in Genesis, Abraham, Sarah, like this is this is every every Christian, Jew, and you know, the uh even Muslim, like they know Abraham, right?

He is a he is still thousands of years later a a household name.

The man had to wait 75 years, yeah, yeah.

I mean, just to have a son who uh this man who was promised to be the father of nations, right?

Um, gosh, look at keep going down the line.

I mean, um Jacob, Leah, Rachel waiting seven years, seven, you know, all those uh Joseph getting thrown into prison for 10 years before, you know.

I mean, just go on and on and on and on.

Even Jesus waiting until he was 30 and the the the wedding at at Cana, and it is not yet my time, and you know, like I I feel like the only constant when it comes to people in scripture who were were going to do great things is the waiting.

Yeah, right.

Even Paul, Paul gets knocked off his horse, Jesus tells him what to do, and then he has to like go off for a few years and like relearn, yeah.

Right, he spent his whole life studying scripture and learning about God, all to find out he was way off, right?

So yeah, so so shifting gears a little bit here, um how can we tell the difference?

Because we've already kind of talked about like striving to be like versus being jealous of how can we tell the difference between those things and how can we um maybe correct our own hearts and minds when we start to drift away from a positive to a negative.

So how do we tell the difference and how can we correct our mistakes?

I think sometimes um when we're when we're being critical of others, um it's definitely we it's definitely a source of pride and we're we're kind of thinking that we are better than we are or that we deserve something more.

Um I think sometimes um when we're comparing um on the other side, it feels like it feels like we're we're missing something.

Like there's a negative that's there that is preventing us from the thing that it is that that we're looking for.

Um I think when you're when you're talking about um I don't know uh trying to achieve, that's always striving.

If I'm if I'm trying to um to be the best at something, that's that's definitely striving.

Um and I think The best way to get around doing that kind of thing is just to be remaining humble and realize that we're nothing without Christ.

Um and we could have all the things.

Um and if we don't have him, it's worthless.

That's right.

Yeah.

Yeah.

You definitely have to look at your heart's posture.

I feel like it's the biggest thing.

Paul says in Philippians 3 17, dear brothers, it says patterns your pattern your lives after mine, imitate my life.

And he's, I mean, Paul understands that uh living by example is so valuable.

You know, it's not just by words, you tell someone you have to you have to live it out as well, and that's the best way to show someone.

And I feel like it just are you do is it out of selfish ambition that you're comparing yourself comparing yourself to someone, or is it out of true genuineness for them to see the gospel?

And so you have to look at your own heart.

Am I comparing myself out of me trying to uplift myself, trying to elevate myself above them?

Or is this driving from a place of insecurity like we were talking about?

Yeah, or am I comparing myself to them so they can see the gospel living like in me?

Yeah, like or am I am I because I ca constantly Andrew Pacheco, uh, he's one dude I look up to immensely.

Me too.

Uh-huh.

And so I often see myself comparing myself to him uh not in a bad way, but in in a way that's like, okay, like I'm learning from him, I'm learning from the way he holds himself, from the way he talks, from the way he guides his family, from the way he guides his wife.

And so I'm I'm like I'm I'm looking at him not from any selfish ambition.

I want to see uh like myself be better.

Like I want to uh I want to to see the gospel live through him so I can uh better myself as well.

Yeah.

It's beautiful, man.

I think it can also take another negative turn in a sense.

Um sometimes comparing ourselves to other people um can put us in like a freeze mode.

Um I was reading earlier this week about Moses.

Um, you know, at the time God was looking down and he's seeing the um the Israelites plate, you know, they're in captivity, they've been struggling for years and years, and he's like, it's time, you know, it's time to to move them out of this.

And uh so he's talking to Moses and he's telling them, okay, so this is the plan.

Um, I want I want people to know that you've spent time with me, so I'm gonna give you these signs to show them.

And, you know, Moses is like, well, I'm not an eloquent speaker.

I can't do that.

Like, I'm not, you know, I I don't know how to talk to people and make them listen to me and they're not gonna believe me.

And so he, you know, gives him, you know, these signs that he's gonna do.

He's like, put your hand in the cloak and when you pull it out, it's gonna look like um leprosy and put it back in and and then it'll come back normal.

And and Moses finally says, like, can you just find somebody else?

And you know, God's anger kind of burns, and like, how often do we do that?

It's like, I can't do this like this person, so I'm just not gonna do it.

Can you find somebody else?

And so, like, we we freeze the will of God because we're not willing, um, you know, just based on this insecurity that we have comparing ourselves to someone else.

That's oh man, that's good.

I even think of like with that, how there's all parts to one body, and like, yeah, there's all parts of us with the cr the capital C body.

And it's like, if I were to look at Austin's part and then my part of like a finger, and he has, you know, the heart.

It's like, well, the finger does nothing compared to the heart, but it's like without a finger, I can't grab things and I can't, you know, and then without a heart, you know, we're dead.

And so it's like, but it's like every part is important, and so like that was actually so like impactful.

Like we oftentimes freeze the will of the Lord because we're unwilling to do the things, and how many times do the parts that the Lord has equipped just stop doing it?

And then we oftentimes see churches falling apart or staffs falling apart or you know, relationships falling apart because people are just unwilling to do their part in it that the Lord's called them to do, and you know, yeah.

Yeah.

I I heard somebody say once that um, you know, if if uh let's let's uh Phil Wickham, he's uh he's a very famous songwriter, worship leader.

Um and so I'm gonna I'm just gonna use him as the standing because I can't remember the the specific example that they used, but they said like if if God wanted two Phil Wickhams, he would have made them.

Yeah.

Um in in reference to, you know, for those of us that we look at other people and we want to be like them um or be them or or we're jealous of them, it's like if God wanted two, he would have made two.

Yeah.

But if he doesn't, he he made Phil and He made you.

Yeah.

And he has a purpose that only you can fulfill, right?

Like a calling and a purpose that that is specifically written out for you.

And if you're trying, if you're so caught up in in trying to be like somebody else, you're gonna miss it.

Or like you said, you freeze and not do the thing that that he's called or he's made me to do.

Yeah.

Um yeah, because there's there's no limit.

There is no here here it's something I th I feel like we we kind of um we lose sight on.

It's like if someone else is succeeding, then that means I can't succeed.

Yeah.

Like it's like there's like a limited amount of fame, success, money, whatever, whatever.

But like the truth is like in the kingdom of God, like there is no limit.

Like, just just because a brother or sister is doing in your eyes better than you, it doesn't mean that you can't also like get there or do that or or be what God has called you to be.

And we we act like we have this like poverty mindset and we forget, like, we serve the God who owns the cattle on a thousand hills, like he is infinite and his his glory has no bounds.

And when we lose sight of that, and we feel like if that I I can't get excited for that person succeeding because that means I can't, and it's like, man, that that that ain't it, right?

Like we've all got our own lane and our own plan, and we just gotta trust in him.

Well, if you think of it in musical terms, like let's just say, you know, you you have a person who's leading a song and um, you know, they weed well, um, and everybody on the worship team sings melody, and that could be powerful in some moments, but how much sweeter is it when you add those harmonies?

Yeah.

Like if everybody's singing the same part, it could get boring after a while.

Oh yeah.

Yeah.

Oh yeah.

So what would you guys say to someone?

You have your Bible open?

Oh yeah, but something go ahead, man.

Yeah, I mean, it just reminded me of first Peter 10.

Uh God has given each of you a gift from his great variety of spiritual gifts.

Use them well to serve one another.

It's just a reminder that uh like have you guys ever I'm sure I mean you guys have families in here.

Like you love your there's family?

What I don't know.

Yeah, there's points in your life where you love your family members, but you don't necessarily like them at the at the point.

Like I experienced that with my little sister a lot.

I'm like, dude, come on.

But we have to be reminded that that God loves you, but he actually likes you as well.

And he likes you enough to want to give you these gifts, and he wants you to thrive in these giftings that he's given you.

Yeah, he's not a God that loves you just because he has to love you, he loves you and he likes you as well, and he wants to see you succeed from the gifts that he's given you because he loves you.

Yeah, man.

That's right.

He gave them to you.

He had a plan and a purpose.

He does not give um uh what's the word I'm looking for?

Uh there's it's not an accident.

Yeah, right.

The Bible says he prepared them ahead of time.

Yeah, it was hard to do.

Exactly, exactly, exactly.

Um so so what would you guys say to someone either that you're mentoring or someone maybe you're down front for prayer team and somebody comes up and says, like, I I am struggling with comparison.

I I feel so inadequate, I feel so insecure, I feel um, you know, all the things we've been talking about today, yeah, like what what would you tell that person?

I think first and foremost, we've all struggled with it.

Yeah.

Um, so I think sometimes when when a person has a struggle, they feel like they're the only person on the planet that's struggling.

Um, so I think sometimes it is helpful to let them know that they're not alone.

Yeah.

Um, but just point them to scripture and remind them of what God says about them, that they are fearfully and wonderfully made.

Um, I was reading about that um a little bit, um, talking about those words fearfully and wonderfully made, um, meaning that like he put a lot of thought into how he created us.

Um there's a lot of reverence um that goes into creating a human being, and he created all of us different.

Um, you know, you don't necessarily have all the same qualities that I have, and I don't necessarily have all the qualities that you have.

Um, but like he created us for that purpose, um, you know, so that we are different, so that we are um complementary to one another.

Um, and then just the the waiting on the Lord, because his timing is perfect.

Yeah.

Um, you know, like I think of my own journey.

Um, you know, thinking like had I rushed things, had I been demanding, had I been, you know, all of those things that maybe I wanted to be in the moment, um would have just completely ruined everything.

Um yeah.

I just think, you know, waiting on God's timing, because his timing is perfect and he'll he'll give us what we need when we need it.

Amen.

Amen.

Amen.

Yeah, I feel like the thing that just comes to my head that I would say more to like, I just think of like student ministry, because I've had conversations like this with some students, and the thing that I just say is like the Lord kind of what you're saying, like the Lord created you.

He didn't create like all these other people to be you, he didn't create you to be all these other people, like he created you.

And so for you to compare is honestly kind of slapping God in the face of saying, like, Lord, you didn't create me to be enough by myself.

And so I feel like that's something that I've even had to like sit back with and understand, like that I am fearfully and wonderfully made by myself.

I don't have to change to acquire this and this and this.

Like the Lord's gonna use me in a way that he's not gonna be able to use someone else.

And like even think of stories of like loss in my family or friends or the things that I've gone through that like others can't speak to someone who's lost someone through suicide, but we can because we lost my uncle through it.

And it's like those little things, more than just like, you know, I don't like the way I look compared to this person, or I'm not as far ahead of this person.

But it's like some people can be scared to share the gospel because they don't have enough experience or whatever, and it's like the Lord's equipped you with the things you've gone through for a reason.

Like you'll be able to speak to people who are struggling with um getting pregnant in a way that like maybe none of us will be able to, and you know, we can say something like that for all of us, and it's like the Lord's gonna equip us in our own very way, and so who are we to like stand in the way of the Lord and slap him in the face and say, like, God, my story's not good enough for you to use it?

You know what I mean?

Like, yeah, I don't know.

Yeah.

And I think a lot of times when we do share, like who we are and what we've been through, and um, you know, people will say, Well, how did you get through that?

Yeah.

And you can tell them that like this is this is what God did in this moment and what he's continuing to do.

And um, yeah, and I I think you're right.

I think I think that you know, people in your age group, um, you'll be able to reach them much more easily than you know, somebody who's already a grandma or um yeah, Michael who grew up with the dinosaurs.

I'm getting from the size.

Young enough to be my son.

Isn't that sunny?

Oh man.

Yeah, I really like uh in 2 Corinthians.

Um, Paul's trying he's he's facing these dudes that they're they're called the super apostles.

Don't let the name deceive you, not they're not very super.

What they're trying to do is that Paul's going into Corinth and they're trying to invalidate Paul's credibility.

Yeah, they're trying to be like, yo, this dude isn't who he says he is, since he doesn't know, and they're trying to elevate themselves above them.

They're saying, We're the real deal, you're not.

And so Paul he says to them in response, he says, Oh, don't worry.

We wouldn't dare say that we are as wonderful as these men who tell you how important they are, but they are only comparing themselves with each other, using themselves as the standard of measurement.

How ignorant.

And so that's Paul's response to him.

He says, How ignorant they are comparing themselves to another, using each other as the standard of measurement.

Yeah.

And so they're using each other as the standard of success, of how well uh I succeed is the standard.

And so Paul is not saying this out of false humility, he's actually saying, like, this whole framework of comparing yourself to each other is stupid.

Like I love it.

Uh it's in your dad's office, and I've heard it said obedience is our success.

Yeah.

If we are obedient to the Lord and the Spirit's calling, why are we comparing ourselves to someone else's uh work to someone else?

We're using each other.

If Michael does a great job, which he usually does, he always does on the worship team up on stage, and how beautiful, how majestic his voice sounds.

And I get up there and I get up there and I sound like a dying raccoon.

If I could like if I compare myself that I'm not gonna feel very good about myself, but that's not where God's calling me to be.

Yeah, he's not calling me to be a worship pastor.

That's trying to take a puzzle piece and fit it into a place where it does not fit.

Yeah.

And I try jamming, or like one of those kids, you know, like one of those triangle like things where you have the triangle block and you have to fit it in the triangle hole, taking a square and trying to jam it up.

Why is it not going in?

Yeah, man.

I'm trying to put myself into his spot.

Christ is the standard, and none of us can attend that.

Yes, you guys are, man, both of those things are exactly what popped into my head.

Yeah.

Um, so I used to be, I used to be a public school teacher, and one of the big things in in school is standardized testing, right?

Like at the end of the year, everybody has to, you know, take the same exact test.

And and the the frustrating part as an educator was that you are creating this like one particular shape that everybody has to try to fit into.

And it's like, especially with young kids, they mature at such different rates that like some kids at 12 are six foot tall.

Other kids at 12 are four foot nothing.

Like, you know what I mean?

Like, and it's just like it, it's like, it's like, I'm sure you've probably seen um, I've seen artists, cartoonists do something where it's like, okay, it's it's a line of animals, it's there's giraffes, there's hippos, there's seals, there's dogs, there's monkeys.

And it's like, okay, everybody, here's the test, climb that tree.

And who's gonna, you know, and and that's like this the success is like who's gonna be able to climb that tree the best.

And of course, like a a seal is not gonna be able to climb a tree.

And so if we're comparing ourselves to other people, uh it's it's it's never gonna that we're never gonna get that, right?

So I think a great way that we can um, something I would say is like, don't think about where you are compared to that person.

Think about compare where you are today to where you were yesterday.

Yeah.

Right.

Like look and see that level of obedience.

How am I growing in obedience to the Lord?

How am I growing in in my spirituality, right?

Like how, how are we growing and growing and growing um each day where I was before versus where I am now?

Because that's a fair comparison, right?

Yeah.

Like if we have slacked off and we have not been good stewards of what God has given us, yeah, then yeah, you should probably feel a little bit bad.

You know, you if you used to be closer to the Lord or you used to be closer to your goal, like then you know that's that's a fair comparison.

But ultimately, Tammy, man, I you hit the nail on the head.

Is come I can compare myself to others and I'll always fall short.

I can compare myself to myself and still get frustrated.

But knowing that ultimately my goal is to be like Christ, knowing I cannot achieve that, yeah, especially on my own, yeah, like that almost gives us a peace, yeah.

Right.

That that like I know I can't reach that goal, but that's okay because it's not about reaching the goal, it's about pursuing the goal.

I think it's it it puts us in a a place of humility where we know that um that we need Jesus um to achieve any any of it.

Um, and and just being able to have a relationship with him, rely on him, count on him, um and and ultimately be obedient to him.

Yeah, um, I think is is the the more achievable thing.

Yeah, my mom and I were talking about like families, and we were at a the soccer game with that Kaden was coaching at, and we were just talking about families and parenting and stuff, and we were just joking around the difference between like a boy mom versus a girl mom or things like that.

And like the thing that I kind of just caught from both is that they all were just like figuring it out.

Like they didn't have this step by step, they're just figuring out how to parent, and by like the third or fourth kid, they kind of have a routine of what they're doing.

But then the first time, you know, mom is looking at someone who has six kids and she's like, What do I do?

And they're like, Listen, we don't even know when to tell you.

This is all of your kids are different.

Yes, exactly.

I have I have three kids and every single one of them are different.

And even to the point where, like, if if you were disciplining them as they were growing up, I have my oldest one.

If you would yell at her, she would do exactly the opposite of what you told her.

My middle one, if you yelled at him, he would melt.

And then um my youngest one, if you yelled at him, he's like, Okay, how can I do better?

Yeah.

And he would do it.

Yeah.

But yeah, different.

I with that, it's like the same thing with following Jesus.

Like we're all just trying to, at the end of the day, figure it out.

Like we're trying to be better stewards of what the Lord's gifting us and be better followers of the Lord.

And like you don't have a step-by-step of like, well, this is how the Lord brought me here from this.

It's like the Lord kind of just showed up and I trusted him and I followed him.

And so I feel like when it comes to comparing, that's something that I have to take in consideration is like we're all just trying to do the same thing in different measures and different life lifespans and styles.

But like at the end of the day, we're all are trying to focus on one goal.

And so, how can I compare to something that's not able to be compared to?

Like, there's there's not, besides the Lord, there's there's not one, like David isn't the story to follow to, you know, compare to like it's Jesus' life and and who he was and how he acted and and what he did to to equip others.

And so I feel like the comparison we should have is like, okay, how can I be better at this?

How can I be, you know, stewarding this better, not okay, how can I achieve this or how can I be higher status than them, or I don't know.

Yeah, because that person that you're looking up to at social media or that person that you're um trying to be better than like they don't always get it basically.

Exactly.

And so yeah, we really are just trying to figure out, and that's where wisdom comes from.

Like I'm able to learn from you guys in ways that like I never would have known had you guys not gone through the things, and then vice versa.

Like you're able to learn from us who are in the like ages that your kids are gonna be in someday, that you know, things like that.

Yeah, I don't know.

Yeah, I it just reminded me of um so Hebrews chapter 12 says this uh therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, what this is saying, we we we are certain so just just one chapter before this, Hebrews 11, Hall of Faith, right?

Hebrews 12 · chapter mention

It's just the author has just listed out all of these people who did all these great and wonderful things for for God.

Um and so he's referring to that, uh, or the author rather is is referring to um that great cod of witnesses.

I think all of us in our lives, uh, we've kind of referenced that there are people that we look up to, people that we that either for the good or the worse, right?

People that that push us forward in striving for greatness or make us feel, you know, less than.

Um it says so we are surrounded by this great cod of witnesses.

Let us also lay aside every weight and sin which clings so closely.

What are those weights?

The insecurities, the pride, the the the the sins that cling to us, right?

We see all of this greatness.

So let us let us look at them, let us lay aside all of the things that hold us back our sin, our insecurities, our blah blah blah blah blah.

Whatever that Weight is for us.

And then it says, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us.

Some translations kind of insinuate each one of us having a different race.

Yeah.

Right.

So let let us see the witnesses and then run the race that is set before me.

Yeah.

Right.

You have a race to run that only you can run.

And if you're trying to run my race, right?

So I was a track guy in in high school and college.

I loved track.

I was a sprinter.

One time they asked me to run the 800, which, you know, could have could have been a could some people consider it a sprint, but it for for me it's long distance.

And I ran that 800 like I would run my 400.

And I died after one lap.

And I had like the worst race of my life.

Um, because I wasn't running my race.

Yeah.

I was running, I was, I was in somebody else's race trying to run my race.

And so I it looked like I was really bad.

Like I embarrassed myself out there because I wasn't running my race.

Yeah.

And I think it's so important for us to run the race that is set out for us.

So your race looks different than your race, looks different than your race, looks different than my race.

And if we have our eyes elsewhere, again, another track reference.

If I'm looking around at the people around me and I don't stay in my lane, if I step over that line, I'm disqualified.

Yeah.

Right?

I'm kicked out.

I can't win if I'm looking everywhere else.

I gotta focus on me and where I'm running.

And so um or even if you look behind to see if people are catching up to you, like you're gonna fall short and fall behind.

So it's like, yeah, yeah.

Okay.

So I wanna, I wanna take a pause for a second and take time to if you're if you're willing and able, I'll go first, just so you know, nobody feels uh insecure or anything like that.

But um a time of specific story, a time in your life when either you felt you felt less than or uh a season of waiting or you know, something, something along those lines that where you were comparing yourself to somebody else, um, kind of what you experienced and how the Lord what the Lord did.

And so I said, I'll go, I'll go first.

So um early, early, early in my ministry career, um I I had a uh a buddy who was he was what I wanted to be.

And what I mean by that is like he had the position that I wanted.

He and he's he's still a dear friend to this day.

I'm sure he's not watching this podcast, so uh I I won't I won't say his name, but um he he was the worship leader, he got to like do the sets, he was leading worship for the young adults, he was leading worship for um the youth, he was getting to be on the the big church worship band, and like I that's what I wanted.

I wanted to be that worship leader, and instead I was the one that was like putting up chairs and mopping the floors before every service and running sound and et cetera, et cetera, et cetera.

And and I man, I allowed myself to get so jealous and like bitter towards which it's not, it's not his fault, right?

Like he's not the one picking the worship leader, right?

Like he's not the one who hired him or who who's you know, it's just it was what it was.

And and man, for the longest time, I allowed myself to to be kind of bitter and angry with him.

And um that I I I truly believe that like that period of time lasted a very long lasted longer than it should have because I did not address the the sin in my heart, um, the pride, the impatience, the the you know, whatever.

And I and I let it sit.

And and so I like I said, I think it like delayed my my opportunities.

And then even when I got my first opportunity, it was like in a much smaller setting, in a much like uh worse setting, I guess you could say, in the if you in terms of like um tech production, even quality musician that I was working with.

Like I I was starting at the bottom, y'all.

Um and I th I thought I had it all, right?

I thought I could sing, I could play guitar, I can do, you know, uh I I should be on the big stage.

And the Lord like used the the the smallest thing he could like the littlest amount of responsibility he could entrust to me.

And it took, I mean, it took years and years and years for for me to like fix my own heart, my humble myself, get rid of that pride, and also like move my eyes off of the of the goalposts, right?

So like my my in my mind, it's like I want the big stage, like I want to be that guy that like is leading thousands of people and and um and like now I'm doing that.

Here we are, fast forward 20 years, yeah, and I'm doing that, but the thing is, like, this isn't my goalpost.

Like I've learned I have learned, it's taken time, right?

Like this is that stage over there at the Mansfield campus is not my goal.

My goal is to lead people in worship to the Lord.

I don't care what stage I'm on, where I'm at.

Um, that was not me 20 years ago, right?

I wanted the attention, I wanted the fame, oh the fame, I mean, you know, whatever the what I thought of would would be the fame.

Like I wanted to be that guy, and it took years of waiting to for the Lord to like chisel me and break me down and like fix all that stuff in my heart.

And so this has been a a journey to get where I am, and I truly believe, and this is not me tooting my own horn because it took me 20 years.

Um, so like trust me, I'm not of but like it he had to put me through all of that so that I could become the leader that I am.

And so, like when I tell our young, our young worship leaders, like, hey, it doesn't matter what stage you're on, like you're gonna lead worship, you're gonna lead worship, like wherever you are, it doesn't matter.

I I can say that now with a with a true heart and a and and like an an honesty because I I know I've been there, I've been through it, I I suffered because of my own stupidity and my own sinful heart.

Um and so yeah, I just I I think it's so important to to one, maybe don't do what I did, speed the process along, like address that that like those insecurities and the and the anger, address that sooner than later, but also like realize that the Lord, you know, walking through the wilderness is a purifying experience.

God is shaping us and molding us and sharpening us so that when we do get to where we want to be or where he's called us to be, like we can do it well and from from a right place.

But yeah.

So that's my story.

Yeah.

Well, thanks for sharing.

I mean, just to piggyback off of that, like I think it's it's really good to have um people in your life who um can mentor you through those moments because those seasons are hard.

Um, but you know, you were talking about uh your goal was to become a worship leader, and I think for um a good long time that was my goal as well.

But I was reading something this week that says um that our our goal isn't to be the worship leader, it's not um that's not the that's not the end game.

Like it's not it's not to become a worship leader, it's not to be the lead worshiper, it's to um it's to provide a space for people to come to know who Jesus is.

That's what that's what our goal is.

Like we want people to know Jesus.

We just happen to do that with music.

Um, so really the goal, the goal isn't isn't that.

But I do, I do remember a season in uh which we had um we had opened up a a small campus in Gallian, and um it was it was pretty small, and I was, you know, leading some songs, um doing some harmonies, those kind of things.

And um it was hard to get people to go to lead worship in in that small venue.

Um, but I was asked to go and I didn't want to go.

I remember just like fighting it in my mind and you know, thinking about Jonah, and the thought that kept coming coming through my mind was I don't want to go to Nineveh.

I don't want to go to Nineveh.

Um, because you know, that's not where all the things are happening.

That's not where the stage is, that's not where the lights are, that's not where the people are.

Um I didn't want to do it, but um, you know, I prayed about it and like I had a a godly mentor that was encouraging me.

And um another gentleman like um had had told me one time, um, even before that, like, we don't always know why God chooses the people that he chooses to do what he chooses them to do.

But if we step out in obedience, he'll bless us and he'll bless the people that we're ministering to.

And um, so I knew it's kind of like, okay, I have to do this.

Um, but that's honestly where I cut my teeth in in leading worship and and leading people.

Um, and I wouldn't trade it for anything.

Yeah.

Wow.

That's good.

That's really, really good.

Yeah.

My uh started my residency in January in the first three to four months of this residency was like, it was not good.

It was not good.

It was nothing crossroads did.

It was myself.

I I stepped in, and it's my first ministry job.

I've never had no experience doing this.

I started a run club as a as a young kid, and I just like I ran, I didn't know what to do.

I didn't, I just knew that I wanted to do something.

But stepping into this formal role now, it's like my first three to four months.

I looked at so many pastors and I looked and I was like, I'm gonna do what they're doing.

I have to do what they're doing, and obviously I couldn't.

I'm setting myself up to standards like it's not because I'm 20 years old with no ministry experience, I know nothing.

And but I still set myself to that standard, and when I didn't reach that standard, I got down on myself.

Uh I started comparing myself to everyone.

I was like, all right, if I don't see as much fruit as I see they're producing, it's it's I'm not doing right.

I'm not I'm not doing it right.

And and so I just started comparing myself to so many people within crossroads, and that was my downfall.

It's just I walked in the crossroads thinking that you know I suck, that I was terrible.

Like everything, everything I do was just like just a bummer to me.

It was all gloomy, you know.

And that was the first three to four months of my residency was just comparing myself to others and and setting up an impossible standard.

And when I didn't reach that standard, I told myself I stunk and that I would never be anything, I would never amount to anything.

And so, I mean, that was and I'm still dealing with that to this day.

Um, I don't want to act like I've got over that.

I still really haven't got over that of comparing myself to others and thinking that I should be in a different spot.

I should be way further um than I am right now.

Um, I just have to start shifting my mindset to I'm blessed to be where I am right now, but I'm also not content.

I I also want to be better.

I want to be, I wanna uh strive.

I want to strive to um to follow Jesus and to act in a manner worthy of my calling and act in a manner worthy of my uh of the gospel and to run the race with endurance like you were talking about.

It is a constant mindset shift.

I have to constantly remind myself of this stuff, or else I will fall into the comparison trap where I will walk in here and I'll compare myself to dudes doing this with 10 plus years of experience, and then I'm gonna fall into the trap of telling myself that I'm not even good again.

Yeah, and so I have to constantly remind myself and I have to constantly keep my heart posture correct uh while doing it.

Yeah, I'm I'm sure the Austin you were in January is way different than the Austin, even in in in preaching in in leadership, like that those things I'm sure you've even grown in you know, six months or so, done a ton of growth that if if Austin then could see Austin now, you know, might be a little different.

Yeah, oh my gosh, yeah.

I've done like I've I've the amount that has changed in my heart is incredible.

Like it's it's only God, like nothing I could have ever done.

It like God has completely shifted me from January to now, yeah, and it's so cool to see, but quite literally it's nothing that I did, it was just simple obedience to God and learning and learning from other people.

I think that shows too, and I think there are probably um some older people that are looking at you and thinking, this this is a young kid who's really got it together.

I mean, I sit here and and look at you just like quoting scripture and and I'm like, wow, I wish I could have been like that at that age.

Quit comparing yourself again.

No, but I I I agree, man.

You're you you're doing a great job.

You really are.

Don't be discouraged.

Like you are, yeah, you're moving in the right direction.

100%.

Yeah, I would say for me, a lot of it was since I was little.

Um, I compared my timeline to my brother a lot.

And that's why the person I've like compared myself a lot to in general, just because he's you know gone so much further than I probably ever will, which isn't a bad thing.

It's just like, you know, our paths are different.

But starting young, like he moved out at 13 to go play soccer at a professional level.

And at 13, I was considering like taking my life, in all honesty.

Like I I was like not anywhere near where he was, like success-wise, and all of these things.

And I was just so like deep in this like different struggle.

And then, you know, when he was able to date in high school, like I was never allowed to date until I graduated.

And um, like he double stand aids.

I know.

No, but then it's like he had um like Instagram with with soccer, and like I was never allowed to have social media until I graduated.

And it's like I'm just comparing like him growing up to me growing up, and obviously he's you know our only boy, and he's also like very mature for his age and always has been.

I think just with being by my dad since he was little, like let's hope he's not watching this.

We don't want that head to get too bad.

But like in all honesty, like he was just light years ahead of me in experience and and maturity and and things like this.

Um, and then even to the point where he was 20 getting married, and I'm 20 with no relationship anywhere near me, which is fine.

But then it's like he's she's single, the fellas just thank you, thank you.

No, but then it's like even when I started my internship in my residency, I was sitting there like I'd come in just kind of with my hand in every area of ministry that I like besides men's ministry and and women's ministry and those little things, but or not little, you know what I mean.

Um, but I was just sitting there like, Lord, my calling is not ministry.

Like I can never be my dad or my brother.

Like they are, you know, amazing.

And I'm over here 20 years old with no ministry experience, having no idea what I want to do with my life.

Like, there's no way you're calling me into this.

And then the Lord was like, funny, like, here you go.

Ministry actually is your calling right now.

And kind of what Austin was saying, like, for a while I kind of sat there of like, okay, I have to be this young adult ministry and I have to be this young adult director, and I have to do this and this and this.

And coming from a huge college ministry just to into a college ministry that was, you know, restarting its vision.

Like I had never done something that was working its way up.

And so then seeing like how my brother and my dad has done it, I'm like, I have to replicate that the exact same way, otherwise, I'm failing.

And I think the Lord has just been so gracious within that, and with me just kind of handing the Lord my will and my way and being like, bless it, you know, like this is what I'm doing.

And I think he's been gracious in that and has come full circle of like kind of Austin at six months ago.

Like, had I been telling my 13-year-old self, like, just you wait because Lord's gonna bless you in so many ways and and be so gracious towards you and so loving.

Like, I think that's something that I have to actively give up, is just my timeline within my brother or with other people.

Like I have friends who are getting married or engaged or, you know, have are moving across the the world.

They're like, I have a friend who just moved to Germany.

And it's like, I could never do that right now with the state that I'm in.

But like, I'm so glad that she's able to fulfill this dream.

And so I think that's kind of where I just have to surrender every day is this timeline that at the end of the day, like, I'm not here on earth to be a wife or to be, you know, this amazing singer or to be this mom.

I'm on I'm on this earth to evangelize and spread the gospel.

And yes, the Lord can bless me with these things, but that's not my sole purpose.

And I think so often I get tied in the things that the Lord can bless me with rather than him as the blessing.

And so there's I I think you said something that that man, if if we could go back and like we so we say this all the time, um, Lyric and I, my wife and I, uh, we have a son who has special needs.

And uh when he was first born, there was just a lot of question marks.

I mean, he was in the NICU for six weeks, and um, and there was so much fear, yeah.

Uh, because we had no idea what we were getting into, we didn't have a diagnosis, like we um we were so scared.

And like we see he just turned five, like two days ago, and if if we could just show a video uh to five years ago, Michael and Lyric of five-year-old Fisher, our fear would be gone.

Like all of our fears, all of our worry would be we would we may not know all the steps along the way, but like we would have nothing to do because we could look and see like, okay, he's he's gonna make it, and and this little five-year-old is adorable and just the best, you know.

Um I and I say that to say, like you mentioned, if I could go back to 13-year-old Talon, and yeah, like if we could, if we could train ourselves to like think about eternity, yeah, you know, like someday none of this is gonna matter anymore.

What what what school I went to, who I married, who, what job I had, like none of this is gonna matter because we are going to be with Christ.

And I may not know every step along the way, but I do know the end of the story.

Yeah.

And the end of the story is like we are with our beloved, we are in the arms of God, we are with him forever, basking in his glory.

And it won't matter who, who we were, what we accomplished, what we, you know, it's it's only gonna matter like, did we obey Christ?

Did we did we follow him?

Did we allow him to be Lord of our lives?

Did we allow uh him to forgive us of our you know what I mean?

Like one also like, did we allow other people to be in that space with us?

Like, we're who are we bringing with us into heaven?

Yeah, you know, yeah, yeah.

Well, guys, thank you so much.

I really, really appreciate it.

This is this has been a wonderful time uh talking about thank you for being vulnerable.

Um, and I hope and pray that somebody out there um sure to get something that up.

Because I know I I really enjoyed the conversation and I I appreciate each one of your hearts and seeing the journeys that either journeys we've been through or journeys that we're still on.

And um, it's been wonderful.

Well, thank you guys, and thank you for viewing.

We will see you next time.

Uh, Pastor Jake will be back, so you won't have to listen to me talk the whole time.

But yeah, we'll see you next time, guys.