One Flesh, One Purpose: Loving Your Wife as Yourself - Eph 5:28-33

Good morning, and what a blessing it is to study God's Word with you today. My name is Pastor Simon.

Our mission here at Dillingham Moravian Church is to make disciples of Christ

through the study of God's Word as we trust in Christ our Lord together.

When I was a teenager in shop class, I spent a long time building a phone table

for our living room as a Christmas gift for my family.

I built a table out of butternut wood with a black walnut finish,

and I sanded and varnished the table until it was extremely smooth and I could

almost see my reflection in it.

But the thing I liked most about that table was that I did not use any nails

to hold it together, only various kinds of wood joints and glue.

And when the table was finally finished, I tested the strength of the bond by

pulling on the table as hard as I could, and my little brothers and sisters

would even climb upon it.

But that table held strong.

My point is that, like the bond of strong glue, but infinitely stronger,

is the bond that God has joined a husband and wife together with.

And death is the only thing that can break that bond.

Let's pray. oh heavenly father we are

so so thankful for your word for your guidance for your power that allows us

to be able to implement or put into practice what your word teaches us and lord

i pray that you would help us with that today.

May we understand Your Word today by Your Holy Spirit and be able to walk according to Your ways.

As married couples, as individuals, as families who want to trust You and work

for You together in this world.

In Your precious Son's name, Jesus Christ, we pray. Amen.

Here at Dillingham Moravian Church, we have been studying through Paul's letter

to the Ephesians, where the main theme of Paul's letter is the unity of God

in the character and ministry of the Holy Trinity,

reflected in the Church of Christ, and how the Church is to display the unity

of God to each other and to the world.

Previously, in Ephesians chapter 5, God taught us through Paul that wives are

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

to be subject or to rank under their husbands as to the Lord.

Secondly, husbands must love their wives just as Christ has loved his bride, the church.

It's so important to recognize that the rankings of both husband and wife are

designed to be of humble subservience to our Lord Jesus Christ.

You see, both submission and humble sacrificial leadership are core aspects

of love and worship towards God.

And the more we love and worship God together, the more we reflect Christ's love for the church.

And this is where we continue today in Ephesians 5, verse 22-33.

Ephesians 5:22–33

Wives, be subject to your own husbands as to the Lord.

For the husband is the head of the wife, as Christ also is the head of the church,

he himself being the Savior of the body.

But as the church is subject to Christ, so also the wives ought to be to their

husbands in everything.

Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave himself

up for her, so that he might sanctify her,

having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, that he might present

to himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such

thing, but that she would be holy and blameless.

And this is where we're studying today in verse 28.

So husbands ought also to love their wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his own wife loves himself.

For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes it and cherishes it,

just as Christ also does the church, for no one ever, because we are members of His body.

For this reason a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his

wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

This mystery is great, but I am speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

Nevertheless, each individual among you is also to love his own wife as himself,

and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

There are three key points in this passage today that I would like to point out to you.

The first main truth is that husbands are to love their wives as they love themselves.

Last Saturday, my wife Abigail opened the skate shacks at the rink,

and we went skating with a bunch of other families.

We also played a little bit of practice hockey and shot some pucks at the net.

My boys, Jonathan, and I were at one net trying to score on each other.

One shot went wide and went past the net, out of the rink, and down a little

slope to a frozen ice berm.

Well, I chased that puck out of the rink and down the slope and retrieved the puck.

However, going back up was a little more challenging. At one point,

I slipped and I landed on my hand and I sprained my index finger.

Now, in the scheme of possible injuries, it's a small one. Yet,

it still influences what I can do.

I wasn't able to do weight-bearing exercises or pick up stuff as well as I could before.

I was continually hitting it on something or hurting it again.

And I'm very thankful that it's starting to heal now.

The reason why I'm sharing this story is because every part of the body is needed,

and one part is hurt or damaged, no matter how small, the rest of the body does

not function as it ought.

It is the same for those in the body of Christ, for when one small part is damaged,

the rest of the worldwide body of Christ is negatively affected.

This concept is what Paul was teaching in Ephesians 5, verses 28-30.

Ephesians 5:28–30

So husbands ought also to love their own wives as their own bodies.

He who loves his own wives loves himself, for no one ever hated his own flesh,

but nourishes it and cherishes it, just as Christ also does the church,

because we are members of his body.

I want you to see in verse 28 that Paul wrote, so husbands.

Paul was continuing with the concept that husbands are to love their wives with

the same God love as Christ loves the church.

Paul used another way of explaining how to love our wives as Christ loved the church.

Paul wrote that husbands ought to love their wives as they already love their bodies.

The word for bodies is almost synonymous with the whole personality,

meaning the whole person, including the body.

Paul went on to write that no one ever hated their bodies, but nourishes it

or feeds it and cherishes or treasures themselves.

The questions we need to ask here is, what about those people who do not care

for themselves by not eating or cutting themselves, or they've gotten so depressed

that they have suicidal thoughts?

Many people would say that they don't like or that they don't love themselves.

Well, how then can Paul be right when he says that no one has ever hated their

own flesh or their own being.

To answer this question, we need to look at the word that Paul used for love.

The root for the Greek word that Paul used here is agape or God's love,

but it's used here in a slightly different way.

The way that Paul used the word love here meant to esteem, to love,

indicating, and this is the key part here, a direction of the will,

and finding one's joy in something or someone.

You see, the emphasis of this word love is on that whom we are focused on the most.

What we are treasured or what we seek the most.

What Paul was getting at is that even the people who do not physically care

for their own bodies do it in simple terms because they are focused on themselves

and on their own problems.

Naturally, because of the fall of Adam and Eve, we as human beings are all self-focused.

Paul's point to the husbands is that we are to take that same self-focus that

we normally direct towards ourselves, and we all do it, and turn it towards our wives.

That is how we are to love our wives, as we already do our own selves.

Let's look at Matthew 22, verse 34-39.

Matthew 22:34–39

But when the Pharisees heard that Jesus had silenced the Sadducees,

they gathered themselves together.

And one of them, a scholar of the law, asked him a question, testing him.

Teacher, which is the greatest commandment in the law? And he said to them,

You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your mind.

And this is the great and foremost commandment. And the second is like it.

And this is what I'm getting at.

You shall love your neighbor as yourself.

You see, Jesus was pointing out that the second greatest commandment is to love

others as we already love or treasure ourselves.

And while treasuring God, we are to remove the focus that we have on ourselves

and switch it to focus on others.

That is why Paul was teaching the Ephesian Christ-believing husbands.

In Christ, Christian husbands are to focus the same love on our wives as we

already focus on ourselves.

It's like when we're shooting with a gun or a rifle. We don't turn that gun on ourselves. Why?

Because we'd blow ourselves up. We'd shoot ourselves.

Rather, we'd turn the direction of our weapon away from ourselves,

and we aim it at the target that we're supposed to be aiming at.

And as Christ-believing husbands, where are we aiming our focus towards?

Are we targeting our wives with our focus?

Is she our treasure and joy in Christ? Are we focusing on ourselves instead?

The warning is that continual self-focus comes with a great cost,

and that's usually paid by those we're in a relationship with,

like our families, friends, and church.

How do we as husbands take the focus off of ourselves and treasure God first,

and then in God, focus our love on our wives? How do we do this?

As Paul in Philippians 2, verses 3-8 taught,

Philippians 2:3–8

Do nothing from selfish ambition or vain glory, but with humility of mind regard

one another as more important than yourselves, not merely looking out for your

own personal interests, but also for the interests of others.

Have this way of thinking in yourselves, which was also in Christ Jesus,

who although existing in the form of God, did not regard equality with God a

thing to be grasped, but emptied himself by taking the form of a slave,

by being made in the likeness of men.

Being found in appearance as a man, he humbled himself by becoming obedient

to the point of death, even death on a cross.

At the heart of this Philippians 2 passage is humility.

Paul taught that we are to regard others as more important than ourselves.

And how we're to do that is by, in our minds, humbling ourselves.

To humble ourselves means to lower ourselves in our own estimation or our own

perception of ourselves.

Because unless we lower ourselves in our own perspective, we can't view others

as better or more important than us.

And as we consider that other person, in this case our wives,

as better than ourselves, then we will have the ability to put their interests before our own.

And this is what Jesus did to humble himself to become a man and a slave to

Rome, and finally death on the most shameful cross.

Jesus did not covet equality with God like Satan did, because he already had equality with God.

But you'll notice that Jesus did not covet over the Father's authority or glory.

No, Jesus was content in his relationship with the Father.

Jesus was secure in the Father's love.

And thus, due to being secure in his relationship with God the Father,

Jesus was able to empty himself of his own opinion.

And do what he needed to do to obey his father and to save and redeem us from slavery to sin.

Husbands are then to know and be secure in God's love because when we are,

we will not covet love, we will not covet respect or authority from anyone else.

In relationships, when we get angry or hurt, it is often because we feel like

we need respect or love and we can covet that respect or love when we do not

get them, especially from our wives.

But if we are getting love and respect from God, then we will not need to pressure

others to give us love and respect since we're getting what we need from God.

And when we do not covet love and respect and are satisfied with God's love,

we are then free of our own selfish opinion of ourselves and we can lower ourselves

and give out love and respect to our wives and others.

Another aspect of why husbands are to love their wives like their own body,

like Christ loved the church, is because all Christian husbands and wives are

part of Christ's larger body, the church.

Just like my earlier illustration with my hurt finger affecting my ability to

do the things I used to do, each part of the body is connected.

And when one part, like one husband and wife unit, is struggling,

Even though they're so small in the midst of billions of Christians All of the church,

especially their local body, is affected My point is that even when one husband

and wife in the body are having marital problems Especially in the case of divorce,

Relationships are hurt in the local church Their witness is diminished or damaged,

Her children can often develop severe problems as a result of their parents'

relationship issues, and those

problems are often passed on to their kids and their kids and so forth.

No one in the body of Christ is ever alone, and we are always influencing someone

either for Christ or for evil.

And what can we as Christ-loving husbands learn from these verses?

First off, self-focus is the heart of sin, and it's the reason we disobey God.

We want to do what we want to do rather than what God wants us to do.

The first lesson we can learn from verses 28 to 30 is that we must love our

wives by taking our focus off ourselves where it is and make God first our focus and treasure,

and then in God focus our love upon our wives.

I encourage all of us men and husbands to go deeper in loving God by trusting

in His love and being satisfied with our place before Him.

Because when we are satisfied in Christ, we will not covet respect from our

wives because we are content in Christ.

We will be then free to focus on our wives more than ourselves so that we can

give them love as Christ loves us.

Secondly, we as Christ-trusting husbands, and we can include wives here as well,

must realize that every choice, decision, and action we make influences the

people around us, especially within Christ's church and within our families.

How many of us have lost relationships with loved ones or friends due to the

loved ones or the friends' divorces or relationship and life choices?

I have. I'm sure many of you have as well.

Not only has God made the covenant married couple one in Christ,

but the married couple is also part of Christ's body, the church.

Every godly decision and action we make in our marriage affects the church in

a godly way, and every self-focused decision and action we make in our marriage

influences Christ's church for evil.

We must understand the importance of our choices and actions because everyone

is an influencer of someone, especially in the body of Christ,

which we are integrally a part of.

So far in our passage today, we learn that Paul's point to husbands is that

we are to take the same self-focus or love that we normally direct towards ourselves

and turn it towards our wives.

Also, husbands are to love their wives because we are all part of the same body, the church.

The second main truth I would like to show you is that a husband and wife are

no longer individuals, but the two become one.

During our marriage ceremony in 2002, Abigail and I both took a long stick and

lit them from other candles, and then at the same time together, we lit the unity candle.

The unity candle is one of many cultural practices that symbolize the unity

of two people becoming one.

It has been a wonderful twenty-three years, and I am so grateful to the Lord that,

Abigail consented to be my bride. And this concept of two individuals becoming

one is what Paul in Ephesians 5, verse 31 to 32 was teaching about.

Ephesians 5:31–32

For this reason, a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his

wife, and the two shall become one flesh.

This mystery is great, but I'm speaking with reference to Christ and the church.

Paul began verse 31 by quoting from Genesis 2, verse 24.

Genesis 2:24

Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and cleave to his wife,

and they shall become one flesh.

The word used in Genesis 2 for cleave to or to be joined with,

as some translations use, meant to cleave, to adhere, especially firmly,

as if with glue, to be glued.

What God meant in Genesis 2 was that a husband and wife that had been joined

together by God are now so stuck together, there is no separating them.

This bond is so great that can only be broken by death.

And thus, they are no longer two individuals, but one body, one person.

Paul used the Genesis 2 passage to explain that a man and a woman joined in

covenant marriage by God are now one person under God.

As Paul said, it's a mystery. A husband and wife may be two thinking,

feeling people with their own wills, and yet spiritually they are now one flesh.

It's not just that God sees the couple as one.

They have been in the realm of spirit made one.

I think this is more than just the physical part of sexual intercourse,

although that is part of the oneness of marriage.

There is a uniting of souls and bodies in a manner that goes way beyond the physical.

Paul, in 1 Corinthians 6, 15-16, regarding having sex with a prostitute,

taught, Do you not know that your bodies are members of Christ Himself?

Shall I then take the members of Christ and unite them with a prostitute? Never!

Do you not know that he who unites himself with a prostitute is one with her in body?

For it is said that two will become one flesh.

This is why sexual relations has been designed only for the married couple under God.

Yet back in Ephesians 5, Paul takes it even further to write that just as the

husband and wife are bonded in oneness, so also is the church with Christ.

We are saved as we respond to the grace of God through faith in Jesus Christ as our only Lord.

And then along with baptism, we are inducted into Christ's church,

not only as part of Christ's body, but we are also his bride, the church.

We are now bonded together spiritually or in the realm of the Spirit to Christ.

And as part of the church, we are one.

This also goes back to the marriage covenant between one man and one woman being

a picture or a very real representation of Christ's relationship with the church.

However, I also want you to see that even though the husband and wife are one

together in Christ, they also as individuals have responsibilities to the Lord

and to each other to fulfill the marriage covenant.

And thus husbands are to love their wives and respect them.

And wives are to respect their husbands. Paul finished this section in Ephesians

5.33 with, Nevertheless,

each individual among you is to love his own wife even as himself,

and the wife must see to it that she respects her husband.

I want you to see that this last verse in this section is a restatement of God's

earlier commands in this passage.

Husbands are to love their own wives as he loves himself. In God we as husbands

are to love our wives with Christ's sacrificial love and sacrifice our wants,

our needs, and desires so that we can focus on our wives' God-given needs and desires.

Wives are to respect that God has given authority to their husbands over them

in God's wisdom and for their good.

This ranking under their husbands is not servility to the husband, but rather to God.

Both the husband and wife serve God in their respective roles.

And yet it is indispensable to point out that the covenant marriage is not just

about settling into our roles and accepting them and doing our duties.

The husband's love for his wife is about embodying the deep,

abiding passionate love that Christ has for us.

Remember, Christ's love for us is passionate and ardent, like a burning fire.

We as husbands are to see our wives in all the beauty, strength,

and goodness of how God sees them and value our wives as such.

A wife's respect for her husband is embedded in her love for God and in God for her husband.

This respect is also not just respecting his authority,

but also her husband as she views him from the lens of Christ,

seeing his desire to grow together in Christ and lead his family to love and serve the Lord.

However, as I said last week, for wives to see their husbands as placed over

them for God's good and their good.

Their husbands must be directed in his actions and decisions by God through

the study of the word and prayer.

Just like a soldier, a wife can submit herself to her husband when she knows

that her husband is receiving and obeying his orders from above.

For all Christ-believing husbands, we need to be getting our commands from above,

from the Lord through His Word and prayer.

We must be in the Word daily and meditating or thinking on it all the time.

A wife's godly submission to her husband takes a great deal of love and trust

in the Lord and in her husband.

Husbands, make sure you are easy to love and are trustworthy as you depend upon

the Lord for your strength and direction and love.

I also want to say it again that if we as Christian husbands had have lived

according to what God through Paul taught here in Ephesians chapter 5,

Ephesians 5 · chapter mention

then much of the abuses and challenges that women had endured the hands of men

for millennia would not have happened,

and our Western society may be radically different.

What has God been teaching us in this passage today? God has taught us three fundamental truths.

The first truth is that as Christ-loving husbands, we must love our wives by

taking our focus off ourselves and making God first our focus and treasure,

and then in God, focus our love upon our wives.

Secondly, the Christian husband and wife are now one body, and their oneness

is a showcase of the oneness of Christ, His bride.

Oneness of Christ and his bride, the church. Thirdly, husbands are to love their

wives as Christ loved the church, and wives are to respect their husbands.

Now, Ephesians chapter 5, verse 22 to 33 is a picture of the ideal marriage

Ephesians 5:22–33

that we are called in Christ to live up to.

Yet this bar is set as high as Christ himself.

How do we take two self-focused sinners and grow them into a model of Christ

and His church for the world to see.

Truth is, as we cannot by our own, it is only through both the husband and wife

surrendering to the love of God that He has given us through Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit.

And as we abide in the love of Christ, in prayer and faith in Christ,

shown by our obedience to Him, empowered by Christ's joy,

we can grow into the ideal showcase for God that shows off the glorious love of God to the world.

Let's pray. Oh, Heavenly Father, thank you so much for the covenant institution of marriage.

Thank you that you have loved us so much that you sent your son,

Jesus Christ, to die for your church, for your people of God.

And that marriage in your infinite wisdom has been made an example,

a picture of your love to share with those around us so that they can be saved,

so that they can come into a relationship by your grace to the Father.

Thank you, Lord. May you work in the marriages of all who are listening so that

we can be your representations to those around us.

In your precious Son's name, Jesus Christ, we pray. Amen.

Leave you with Romans 15, verse 13. May the God of hope fill you with all joy

Romans 15:13

and peace in believing so that by the power of the Holy Spirit,

you may abound in hope. Amen.

Have a wonderful Sunday. May the Lord bless you all.