Relational Intelligence: All You Need is Love

Welcome to the Awakening Church Podcast.

We exist to awaken this generation to a new life in Christ.

Thanks for tuning in to find out more at awakeningchurch.com.

Well, good morning, Awakening Church.

Great to see ya.

Welcome, welcome, welcome.

If you're new, my name's Ryan.

So thrilled to have you join us this Presents Day weekend.

We're in the middle of a series called Relational Intelligence.

And we said this.

Regardless of whether you're an introvert or you're an extrovert, we all have this same deep desire, this longing, this intrinsic need to have an intimate, life-giving, uh character-shaping relationship that has this rugged commitment to one another.

Intimate meaning that where you really know someone and you're known by them.

This just not on the surface level.

It's life-giving, like the people that you see, and you've maybe had a few friends like this, that you're just like, man, your soul is refreshed by them.

That they're character shaping, that you want to be a better person, that like when you're around them, you just like, oh, I want to be a better person because I'm with them and around them.

And then it's just not a fair weather friend, a fair weather marriage, that it has this rugged commitment.

Like you know they're with you through thick or thin, through good times and bad.

And the question is, how in the world do we experience or have those kind of relationships?

And here's what we've been saying the last few weeks that what we need isn't more relational information.

We have a lot of that.

What we need is relational intelligence or relational wisdom.

Relational intelligence is simply the skill of navigating relationships well.

It's a skill to be developed and grown and honed in.

And it's different because I think what we live in, we live in the age of information, we get so much information, and sometimes we think if we get more information, if we acquire more information, then that makes me better at relationships.

No, it just makes you know more about relationships.

But relationship intelligence is developing a skill, it's the application of the proper information or the right knowledge that we actually have to put it into practice.

Um, one of the things I've talked to my kids, I like to coach, um, so I coach uh my kids in their sports and talk to them and say that practice doesn't make perfect.

Anyone know what practice does?

Practice makes better.

Close.

Practice makes permanent.

See, here's the difference.

Uh practice does not make perfect, perfect practice makes perfect.

Practice makes permanent.

So whatever you repeatedly do, will you will permanently do?

And so the correct knowledge and information put into practice is so important, and especially when it comes to our relationships.

When it comes to our relationships and making sure, okay, God, you have designed us, you have created us, and so we're gonna come to you and ask, okay, what is the wisdom that you have and how we're to go about our relationships, and how are we going to then put it into practice?

This morning, we're talking about love.

And we're gonna look at the skill of navigating love, um, not just romantically, in all uh shapes and forms of it.

But would you do something for me?

Just the title of this morning's sermon is Love Is All You Need.

Would you just go ahead and say that to your neighbor?

Just go, love is all you need.

Was that awkward or was that good?

Or what I you know like, oh man, I don't even know that person.

That was weird.

We live in a culture obsessed with love, don't we?

It's inundated in our our movies, in our music, TV, it's all around us.

We're surrounded social media with love.

We say things like this: love will get us through.

How are you gonna make it?

On love.

I don't know.

Do you have a plan?

No.

But we love each other.

We say things like the world would be a better place if we just loved each other.

Love's what makes the world go round.

Love is the most powerful force on the planet.

Or maybe this is more popular.

Just love me.

Don't try to change me.

Just love me.

We believe in love at first sight, and as a culture and as a people, we're constantly falling in and out of love.

And what love has become is love has now become our trump card, hasn't it?

See, we use love in this way.

As long as I love them or as long as you love them, then it is okay.

Who am I to stand in the way of love?

Well, I fell out of love with them, and I'm now in love with them, so I can cheat on my spouse, or I can do this.

I I can violate God's call and the way he designed relationships because I just love them and has become our trump card.

Now, in this conversation today about love, there is underneath it this modern love promise that's inherent in uh our like our conversation dialogue about love.

It's what we buy into, and the promise goes something like this when I fall in love, then everything will fall into place.

When I fall in love, oh, wouldn't it be great to fall in love?

And when that happens, everything will fall into place because love is what makes the world go round, and you don't need a plan, and just when you fall in love, and you know, I we don't really believe that, but we believe that that's kind of how it works, said another way.

When I find the right person, then everything will work out right.

When I find the right person, Mr.

Perfect, Miss Wright, when I find them, then my life will work out right, and it has this kind of progression to it.

The modern love promise says, find the right person, fall in love, and then live happily ever after, right?

I have find the right person, which is a challenge in the world we live in, because how do you know if you married the right person or you found the right person with eight billion people?

It's a lot of choices to find the right person, and then fall in love, and then live happily ever after.

And the challenges, and you know it, and I know it, and we experience it, is what happens when you don't experience happily ever after.

See, what we do is we reverse engineer the love promise.

If everything doesn't fall into place, then we fall out of love.

Fall out of love.

Isn't that interesting?

We talk about falling in love and falling out of love.

We don't just think about that for a second, by the way.

Um I can't think, and maybe you can help me out with this.

I I was really thinking about this.

I couldn't think of any other way that we use falling in a positive example.

Like we fall into love and you know, they they fell into an addiction, they fell into debt.

They, when you're talking about in discernment, they they fell for it again.

And it's like, and yet we fall in well, anyway, it was a whole aside.

But if everything doesn't fall into place, if it doesn't work out right, said another way, if everything is not working out right, then I must have married the wrong person.

And for some, you've been married a year, six months, two years.

The seven-year itch.

It's a thing, I hear.

And you look at them, you're like, I don't really love them anymore.

Things didn't fall into play.

It's not working out right.

They must be the wrong person.

Let me ask you this about love.

If love is all you need, why isn't love more resilient?

Like if it is the most powerful force on the planet?

Why isn't more resilient?

Why doesn't it have a staying power?

Why do we fall in and out of love so much in our culture?

Why is love so fickle?

Why does it feel like one day you're in love, one day you're not, one day, while she's the most amazing, then all of a sudden they're the most amazing?

I think part of the problem has to do with the way that we like use the word love and then the way that we define the word.

Like, think about the way that we use it, the word love in English, because that's what I'm speaking English.

I guess that's the reason I use that.

But we use it in all sorts of interesting ways, right?

I love the Golden State Warriors, but I do not love how they're playing this year.

I I love tacos.

I mean, they're fantastic.

I love Mexican food.

And then I love my kids.

We use the same word and we know, we know we mean something different by it every single time, but doesn't it lose its grit?

Doesn't it lose its own its power when we use that same word for so many different things?

Because the love that I have for my kids, the love that I have for my wife, the love that I have for my friends is far different than the love that I have for the warriors, not too different, but different.

Or food.

And then how we define love, and I think this gets to the root of it, honestly.

See, we define in our culture love as a noun, it's a thing, it's a force.

In fact, Webster defines it this way: it's a feeling of strong or constant affection for a person.

It's this attraction that includes sexual desire, a strong affection felt by people who have a romantic relationship, a person you love in a romantic way.

And we've all probably experienced something like that before, this force, right?

Cupid drew back his bow, and then pow, you're like knocked head over heels.

You're like, what just happened?

I don't know, love happened.

It just hit you.

It's this force, it's this thing, and you know, you saw her across, you know, the gym or across the quad.

You saw him across the coffee shop, and you couldn't get them out of your mind.

You went to bed just daydreaming, like, oh my gosh, trying to figure out, okay, how do I strike up a conversation?

And then you social media stock them, and you're like, that's weird.

But no, I could like be their friend and then DM them and maybe say, hey, and if they say hey back, then maybe something might happen there.

Or we've had that, maybe it's at a party, maybe it's on a trip, or just a conversation happens, and something ignited.

And you're like, ooh, you fell.

And yet the challenge in what you see and what I see and what we experience is we're a culture obsessed with love.

But we actually seem to have a love deficit when it comes to our friends, when it comes to our relationships, when it comes to uh the deep areas.

So the question is, how do we have a love that's actually resilient?

That stands the test of time, that can withstand the storms of life.

How can we have a love that we go that will last a lifetime?

One of the amazing things about when the Bible was written, it was written uh in a time when Koine Greek was the dominant or trade language, and so across the entire Roman Empire, uh, you at least knew the trade language, which was Greek, and then you probably knew your own local dialect.

For example, Jesus and his disciples spoke Aramaic, and that was their native tongue, and yet they also would have spoken Greek because you had to know Greek as the dominant trade language to be able to communicate.

And the great thing about Greek is they don't, it doesn't just have one word for love.

It doesn't just use one word and says, I'm gonna use this for every single way.

In fact, there's four words for love.

And many of you go like, yeah, Ingram, we know that.

We watched the Super Bowl, we watched the ads, and there was that one commercial that went through all the love ads, and I leaned over to my buddy and said, Someone in that marketing department just heard a sermon on love, and then we're seeing it in the Super Bowl.

I'm like, that's pretty fun.

But what I want to do for you is begin to unpack the four words for love.

These are all important in our life.

And yet there's only one of these that is to be the foundation.

And so I what I want you to do is as I begin to unpack these for you to begin to think about and evaluate which one of these words is actually my love foundation.

This is the what this is what I'm building relationships upon.

Not just dating relationships, not just marriage relationships, but relationships with coworkers and friends and neighbors.

And you begin to go, okay, there is a foundation upon which you're building, and you have to be understand, okay, which of these four loves am I building a foundation upon?

All of them are important.

And so, but only one of them.

We are to build a foundation to have a love that lasts.

And so the first of the four loves is the one uh called storge.

And you say that, that's kind of fun to say.

Storge.

Yeah, you didn't get it.

Let's say it again.

Storge.

There you go.

This is familial love.

It's a natural or instinctual affection.

This is a parent's love for a child.

This is siblings' love, like brothers and sisters.

It's the storge type of love.

Uh now, when storge is your foundation, and we see this a lot with um, especially parents and kids in our day, and maybe you've seen it.

I mean, I know we don't have as many parents in this service as the last, but you ever seen this?

Like you're you're like seeing a parent and they're just like hovering over their kid?

Right?

And they're just like, like, dude, I think I think they're fine.

I mean, they bounce back pretty good.

You know, in our day we have helicopter parents, right?

They just hover.

In my day, and some of you remember this, my mom would go, get out of the house.

No, like literally, out of the house, like, not here.

If you stay here, not good things are gonna happen.

Get out of the house, right?

You're driving me up a wall.

And here's what was amazing be like eight years old, get on a bike and just go riding in the neighborhood.

Why?

Because it's like you'll be fine.

And all of a sudden, today we have these hovering parents.

And what happens is when store-gay is your foundational type of love, is that your kids are your life.

Maybe you're in a family, and you like maybe if you're a college person, your family or your parents become your life, and there's this idea of failure to launch as well.

And what happens in marriages is kids, uh, the marriage subtly begins to center around their kids.

And so instead of investing in their relationship, they're just hovering and got helicopter, and then you have snowplow parents.

Maybe some of you had snowplow parents, maybe some of you are snowplow parents.

What a snowplow parent is they just want to push all the obstacles out of their kids' way.

They just want to plow it.

And for a marriage or that's built on that, what ends up happening is it lasts until the kids get out of the house, and then one of the spouses suffers an identity crisis because their identity was in their kids.

And then the oftentimes a marriage look at a couple looks at each other and has nothing in common.

Storegate, incredibly important, familial love, but it is not intended to be the foundation of our love.

The next is eros.

Eros is the physical or sexual love, a deep feeling of attraction or sexual desire.

When we're talking about love in our culture, Cupid, draw back your bow, right?

That part of it, we're talking about eros.

We're talking about an eros type of love.

It is this physical, sexual, it's it's this moment.

And it's, by the way, God's not down on eros.

We're gonna talk more about it next week, and it's just physical.

But we tend to think that God's like, oh, oh, Prudy, like, oh my gosh, ooh, ooh, you do that?

Ah, no, he invented it, it was his idea, and so we should take notes from him about how to go about our sexuality.

In fact, he wrote an entire book, Song of Songs, all about romantic love and our sexuality.

However, when Eros becomes the foundation, what happens is a relationship as a people, we become pleasure seekers, me-centered and emotionally based.

And and as soon as that attraction diminishes, as soon as the passion begins to fade or to dwindle, go, I just don't love them anymore.

And it was never intended as important and beautiful and wonderful to be the foundation of our love.

You have Storgate, you have Eros, and then you have Phileo.

Phileo is the friendship or companionship love.

It's a close association and affection.

I mean, I think one of the lost arts in our society today is the companionship and deep friendship.

Like this is a love that we need to dial up.

It's an area where we don't do friends very well, and we live at a surface level, and for many, this is an area where you're going, like, I need to invest more in my friendships.

However, if Phileo is the foundation, what it ends up doing is it creates a bit of a codependency on the other person, and you begin to look for that other person to fulfill or complete you and to their and fulfill your needs.

And this can happen, especially if you have a background, maybe you have a family background that's tough, so store gate is hard.

Maybe you have a background where Eros is one of those that it actually does feel gross, it feels hard.

You're like, man, I Ingram, you don't know what I've been through.

And so then what happens is then we lean in to the Phileo side, and that becomes our life source and connection.

And these are all important, they're important to our friendships, they're important to our relationships.

However, they cannot sustain and last as the foundation of our love.

And the last one, and many of you already know what the last one is.

You probably wrote it in already in your notes.

The last one is what?

Anybody?

Agape, that's right.

Agape is an unconditional sacrificial love.

A love marked by giving and not getting.

It is other centered, unconditional, saying, I love you unconditionally, which, by the way, let me just explain this real quick.

Unconditional doesn't mean there isn't boundaries to it.

It means, and so every good parent understands this.

So let me explain.

I love my kids unconditionally.

And what we tend to interpret unconditional is you love me as I am, don't ever change me or expect anything of me.

No, no, no, no.

My kids, I get, because I love them unconditionally, I want the very best for them.

My love will never vary, and I see that there's activity and behavior in their life that will shipwreck them.

And so my unconditional love says, I want to give you what is very best, and I know that that attitude, that response, that direction of life is gonna fundamentally harm you.

See, it's agape.

Is the unconditional sacrificial love, a love marked by giving, not getting.

In fact, the Apostle Paul in 1 Corinthians chapter 13 gives us this definition.

1 Corinthians 13 · chapter mention

And what I want you to do is as you listen to this, many times we just go, yeah, yeah, I heard it before.

I was at a wedding the other day, and some of you have been at like 15 weddings over the summer.

I get it.

And you're like, it's it's just that, you know, sweet love passage.

Like, would you hear this afresh?

This is powerful.

This is profound.

This isn't like cutesy wedding-y, that's not a word, but you know what I mean.

This is gritty.

This is real.

In First Corinthians, I'm gonna get there first.

Chapter 13, the apostle Paul says this.

Love is patient.

Love is kind.

In fact, he only tells us two things which love is.

Now think about this.

Don't you want a roommate that is patient and kind?

Don't you want a coworker that's patient and kind?

Wouldn't you like a boss that is patient and kind?

Wouldn't you hope that your spouse is patient and kind?

Okay, how about your kids?

Don't you want kids who are patient and kind?

It says love, patient, this long-suffering, enduring, kind, gentle, tender.

And then it gives us seven things that love is not.

It does not envy, it's not jealous.

Love doesn't look at your life and go, I want what you have.

Or I'm upset that you have it.

Love doesn't look at someone else's Instagram game and go, uh.

I wish I had that.

It does not envy, it is not proud.

Think about that.

Love doesn't inflate one's own importance, it doesn't make it about themselves, it does not dishonor others.

There's no shame in love, there's no guilt in love, there's no putting you down or wanting to make sure you're put in your place in love.

It is not self-seeking, it's not about you, or maybe said another way, it is not self-absorbed in the me centrality that we live in in our culture.

It says it's not all about you.

It's not easily angered, irritated, annoyed, frustrated.

Those are all words I use to say that I'm not angry, I'm just irritated, I'm annoyed, I'm frustrated, right?

We we don't like to say anger, oh that's a but but it seeps in so many different ways with our relationships.

It keeps no records of wrong.

You know, my wife and I go to counseling once a month, and it's been one of the great practices of our marriage.

We've been married 17 years, um, and it's just this time for us to really grow and develop uh as a couple, and there's times when we're hanging out on the drive, it's about a 30-minute drive to where we we go, and we're talking about, hey, what are we going to talk about?

And my wife will kind of jokingly say, Well, um, you probably have a list.

And I do.

Um, because I write in a journal, and I'm like always writing stuff down, and I'm like, oh, I don't know how to deal with that.

Let me write this down, or Jenny did this, and that kind of annoyed me, and I want to see what Sue has to say about that.

And she's like, and then like love keeps no record of wrongs.

There's no like tit for tat, there's no like, hey, you did this and you did that, and I'm holding this over you, and look at you, and I'm gonna keep a record, and I'm gonna bring it back, and I'm gonna keep reminding you of how you felt, I'm gonna keep reminding you of how you screwed it up, I'm gonna keep reminding you of how you just are.

And so love says, no.

Love does not do that.

Love does not delight in evil, but rejoices with the truth.

It always protects, means it's safe.

Always trusts, always hope, it always perseveres, it never gives up, endures through the hard withstand with courage.

This is what you are invited to embrace as the foundation of your love.

First, that love is not a noun, love is a verb, it's an action, it's not a force.

Love is a choice.

This is how love behaves.

It's not dependent upon your feelings.

He says, this is what love does.

If you want to know what love is, this is just how it looks to be loving.

This is how love behaves.

In fact, uh, when I counsel newly engaged couples and talk to them about their wedding, I take them to this passage and I say, I want you to write this out for the other person and personalize it.

Because when you say I love you, we're not talking about love the feeling.

We're not talking about storge or phileo or eros.

When you are committing love, you're committing agape.

You're saying I agape you.

And here's what that looks like: I will be patient with you.

Even when you leave all your crap all around the house and it's driving me up a wall, right?

Like you gotta get personal.

What does it look like?

It's a verb, it's a choice.

Now notice this love is not a doormat, and love is not a dictator.

You see, love is not to be walked all over to accept abuse.

Notice that love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.

It says, I stand on the side of what's right and true, and I'll stand up for that because that's what's best for you and for me.

And I'm not gonna allow you to bring abuse or heartache or pain in here, and it is not a dictator.

Love does not demand its rights, and most often the way this happens, whether it's in friendships, dating, even at work, and in marriage, is we tend to manipulate others.

We try to manipulate them, we call it love, but it's really not a love marked by giving, it's a love marked by getting.

I'm gonna do something for you so that you'll do something for me.

Let me give you an example, it's embarrassing.

Uh a while ago, this is a long while ago.

I I remember having this thought.

Okay, so I was in our marriage, I'm a guy, you can see that.

Okay.

Um and I remember having this thought, and I didn't use these words, but in our marriage, I'm like, I want more Eros love.

Let's just be real.

I I want a little bit more intimacy in our marriage, and I'm thinking through, okay, how do I how do I get Jenny to be like, mmm, you know?

Um, and so, and so I remember hearing that, you know, someone said one time, the sexiest thing a man can do is the dishes.

I'm like, fantastic.

And so I remember going and washing the dishes.

I didn't do that, because that ain't sexy.

But I remember washing the dishes, thinking that Jenny's looking at me, going like, wow, what a sexy man.

We go to bed.

Nothing.

Nothing.

Oh, now I'm getting irritated.

Next day, washing the dishes, clean up.

Nothing.

Not even like a thank you.

And I'm like, now I'm starting to get bitter of like, look at all I'm doing, and how could you not?

By the way, I was just doing what I should be doing, like what is normal, you know, like, hey, taking care of around the house.

This isn't like a heroic deed, washing the dishes, let's be honest.

That's just called life and normal, okay?

So, like, get that through your thick skull, Ingram.

But what was it?

It was a form of love that was not love, it was manipulation.

And we do it in our relationships all the time.

I will do this in order to get this.

Agape love is a loved mark by giving, not getting.

See, the modern love promise says, when I fall in love, everything will fall into place.

Relational intelligence says it's less about falling in love.

And it's far more about growing in love, it's less about falling in love.

And there's a moment to fall in love.

There's a moment, so don't hear me, Ingram, he hates romance.

No, that's wonderful and good.

It's just not foundational for any great relationship.

And it's far more about growing in love.

So, how do you grow in love?

How do you build a foundation on agape love?

I'm so glad you asked.

Turn your Bible with me with you to your Bibles to Ephesians chapter 5, verse 1, and we're gonna talk about increasing your love quotient.

Ephesians 5:1

How do you grow in love?

In fact, in this text, you're gonna see three different forms of the verb agape in this text that's gonna help us unpack how do we actually do this?

Because if you're like me and you read that love thing and you're like going, like, man, that's overwhelming.

That ain't me.

I want that to be true.

I want that to be true of the people in my life and the coworkers.

I wanna be that, but I don't know how.

Notice what the apostle Paul says.

He says, be imitators of God.

Circle that word be.

It's a command.

This is we're to imitate him.

Therefore, as dearly loved children, underline dearly loved, as dearly loved children, live a life of love.

Circle the word live.

We're gonna get to that in a second.

Be imitators of God, therefore, as dearly loved children, live a life of love.

How?

Just as Christ loved you, underline that, loved us, and gave himself up for us as a fragrant offering and sacrifice to God.

Okay, how do we increase our love quotient?

How do we grow in love?

The first is we need to embrace that we are dearly loved.

That you're dearly loved.

The Greek word here is agapetos, it's the object of one's affection, having a very special relationship.

Beloved.

This is embracing your identity and your position in Christ.

You're not working for love, you are loved.

You are profoundly and perfectly loved by your Heavenly Father right now, in this moment.

Nothing you can do will ever change that.

Whether you have a good day or a bad day, his love does not vary at all.

He loves you.

Period.

Notice this.

There is something in you that God loves, and if God loves you, then you must be worthy of love.

It's popular in our day to talk about self-love.

I don't want to diminish this, but the way the conversation is going is it goes something like this I gotta love myself first in order to be able to love you.

I just gotta love me.

In fact, uh in my research, I remember seeing this.

Um, I love you, but I love me more, is like the modern love phrase.

Like interesting.

But but we live with this, like I some, you know, no, no, it's all I gotta love me, I gotta have me.

And what that is, let's just unpack this.

If you're starting with a love deficit and you're trying to love yourself more, you have nothing to give yourself.

It is starting with God.

See, to live a life of love, we first have to understand we're loved.

Not that you love yourself more, we'll get to that, but that you are profoundly loved, that God just loves you.

You can't give to others what you have yet received.

And he says, I love you, you're my beloved, you're an adopted child of the King Most High, you're loved, and everything you do flows from that.

Your identity, your position.

Embrace.

Embrace that you're dearly loved.

See, one of the most destructive things in our culture today with relationships is looking for the other person to complete or fulfill us.

They can never complete or fulfill you, but when your identity is secure, you're no longer having a love that is need-based.

I need you, I need this, I need that.

No, no, no.

I am fully loved, complete, and so I can give love.

How do we grow in love?

First, embrace that you are dearly loved.

Second, did you see it?

Commit to living a life of love.

As dearly loved children, live a life of love.

And that word I had you circle B, it's a command, be imitators.

It's the picture of a little kid imitating their mom or their dad, mimicking what they do, their hand gestures and all the different idiosyncrasies that they have, and saying, in the same way that you have been so well loved by your heavenly father, mimic him.

Mimic him.

Begin to put it into practice.

It's that live a life of love.

That's a command.

Commit to it.

See, we grow like, you know what, we want to grow on this, but I'm waiting until I feel like it.

I, you know, when I feel like it, and eventually when I feel like it, then I'll start to do it.

Agape, let me give you just a little further definition of this: the self-giving, sacrificial love that gives the other person what they need the most when they deserve it the least.

See, first you start with, I'm dearly loved.

I have all that I need from my heavenly father.

Now I'm gonna commit, I'm gonna make a choice to love.

Um, the wedding picture, when a couple is standing up and proclaiming their vows, a lot of times when we think about it, is we think about it as professing love, and it certainly is.

They're professing their love for one another, but something that's happening that's even more profound, and it's missed a lot of time, is they're not just professing love, they're promising future love.

They're making a commitment of future love in sickness and in health, in plenty and in want, in good times and in bad times.

I am making a commitment to you that my love, this agape love, is the is what I'm choosing to respond to.

And when I don't, I'll own it.

But I'm promising that circumstances will not change it.

I'm making this commitment.

Well, you're like, well, what about like feelings?

I mean, you've been kind of down on feelings.

No, no, no.

See, love is not devoid of feelings, it's just not defined by it.

And we tend to define our lives by how we feel.

He says, first, you should feel awesome.

You're loved, you're beloved.

And if that just sunk in like a little bit, your whole world would change.

Like, you go, like, man, this is crazy.

The God of the universe, the one who spoke all things into existence, like that God, he says, I'm the object of his affection, like Zephaniah would say that he's like rejoicing over you with singing.

Like if you just got that for a little bit, you'd just be walking around like I'm so confident, not cocky, confident, right?

I'm loved.

And so I'm committing to give to you the type of love I receive from my Heavenly Father.

And by the way, this exact way Jesus has loved you.

First Corinthians 13 is an expression of how God has loved you.

And for us, it's not just committing to a life of love.

We have to rely on Christ's love to empower you.

He says, just as Christ loved.

It's the Greek word agapau.

I love how Ephraim Smith defines this.

He says, it's the unconditional love of Jesus in us that is flowing through us to be a force of transformation around us.

The unconditional love of Jesus in us that is flowing through us to be a force of transformation around us.

See, as we sit back and we look at that and we go, man, that agape love, I can't.

That agape love with my coworkers, man, she is just really on my case.

He is just really tough.

Like every meeting is a struggle.

I can't, I can't agape them.

And he says, you can't, but he can through you.

Would you rely on Christ empowering love working in you?

You know, with my roommate and with my spouse, it was like, oh, it's been a rough season.

Oh man, they are in a mood like I can't, you're right, you can't, but he can through you.

See, the gospel is this.

The gospel is that God loves you, that he meets you right where you are, that when you cry out for your need for him, he meets you and he says, he will just deposit the spirit of God inside you.

You are now adopted into the family of God, you're marked among the beloved, that is your identity, and then you have the Spirit of God, the same Spirit that raised Christ from the dead, dwelling inside you to empower you to live out a radically new life.

And far too many of us are walking around weak and feeble, going, like, I can't, I can't.

Just to own it.

Yeah, of course you can't.

But he can through you.

It looks something like this.

In my mornings, like the thing, the area that I really want to grow in this year, 2020.

I shared it a few, like, I don't know, a month ago or something like that, is you know, that love is patient.

Like I could grow in that too.

Um but the kind part, and it's not being kind to strangers, I'm pretty good at that.

It's being kind to the people closest to me, my kids.

See, love is really challenged in the unguarded moments.

We're good at loving people when we're kind of on, but it's those unguarded moments that are generally the people closest to us, whether it's a friend or family or spouse.

And go, God, I want you to develop in me gentleness or kindness.

It's actually a fruit of the spirit, so I know that when I rely on the spirit, you're gonna actually produce that in my life.

And I have this little three by five card, and each morning I review it.

I reviewed it this morning, and at the top it says this it says, um, the Ephesians uh five, and I think it's uh verse, I don't know what verse, but says, Husbands, love your wives.

And I write in our name Ryan Love Jenny.

How?

Just as Christ loved the church and gave himself.

Up for her.

Like, if you're married in your husband's, like your role is to sacrifice your life for your wife.

Not to dominate, but to lay down your life.

Going, okay, what does it look like?

Okay, God help.

Like, I in and of myself, I can't do that.

And underneath it, I have the first Corinthians 13 passage, love isn't going.

And it's a prayer in the morning, each and every morning, of like, I want to reorient my mind around what's true and invite you to have your way in me.

Holy Spirit, would you empower me to be that kind of man?

And then you take the next step.

You just take the next step.

Say, God, I don't know how to love this person.

I don't know how to love that coworker.

I don't know how to love my roommate.

I don't know how to love the, and you just go, but I'm going to rely on you.

And so I'm going to take the step I know that love's calling.

I know that love asks me to do.

And I'm going to trust that you're going to empower me as I take that step.

See, we don't take the step.

We would we're going like, God, would you empower me?

Would you empower me?

Would you empower me?

Take a step.

Go, I know what love calls me to.

I'm asking, would you empower me?

And I'm going to take that step.

It's what Paul would say in Galatians, walking in step with the Spirit.

And so let me leave you with this.

This is just simply what love asks.

Would you begin to ask this to help you know what are the steps you need to take?

Whether it's with your friends, with your coworkers, with your ex.

What is the highest and best for the other person?

This is just the question love asks.

What is the highest and best for your friend, for your boyfriend, for your girlfriend, for your spouse, for your ex, for your coworkers, for your kids.

What is the highest and best for them?

And then you go, okay, I'm gonna remind myself I am fully loved.

This is my identity, so I don't need love from them.

I'm gonna choose to do what is the highest and best, and I'm gonna invite the Spirit of God to empower me to do that.

Would you pray with me as we close?

Heavenly Father, I can't help but think that there's people in this room that have not experienced your love.

That this is how you loved us.

You asked, What is the highest and best?

And you came and became a human on our behalf.

You suffered and died on the cross for us.

And you rose again that we might have a new life, that we might step into the very family of God.

And if you're here and you need to experience the love of God, would you just go, I need to experience you, Jesus.

I want to step into the family of God.

Today, would you come into my life and make me new?

I want to start a new life with you.

And in that moment, you are adopted as part of the family of God.

For others in this moment, maybe even walking around and just you haven't been anchored in what's true and God's how God actually thinks of you.

In this moment, as we respond and worship, may he overwhelm you with his love.

Overwhelm you with just his affection and tender care.

In Jesus' name.