Relational Intelligence: You Deserve to Be Happy

Welcome to the Awakening Church Podcast.

We exist to awaken this generation to a new life in Christ.

Thanks for tuning in to find out more at awakeningchurch.com.

Well, good morning, Awakening Church.

Great to see ya! Welcome, welcome, welcome.

If you're new, my name's Ryan.

We're absolutely thrilled to have you join us.

This morning, we're concluding our series Relational Intelligence.

It's been fun.

We spent the last six weeks talking about relational intelligence.

And the reason is we don't need more relational information in our day.

We have lots of it.

What we need is relational intelligence.

And here's the reason why.

We have this deep longing.

Every single person in this room, whether you're an extrovert or you're an introvert, you have this longing to have an intimate, life-giving, character-shaping relationship that has this rugged commitment to one another.

You long, I long to know someone deeply and for them to know us significantly and fully.

Where this life-giving, like the friends where you're just like, ah, I'm around them and I know them, and they just refresh my soul.

And not just that, but you want to be a better person, like they're character shaping.

And you know that they're gonna be with you through thick or thin.

It's not a fair weather friend, not a fair weather marriage, but it has this rugged commitment.

And so we asked the question how in the world do we have those kinds of relationships?

And so we said relational wisdom is the key, and that relational wisdom or intelligence is the skill of navigating life well.

That it's not just the acquisition of knowledge, and we live in the Google age, and so we think if we learned it, we'd know it, and yet wisdom is this skill, just like learning the skill of playing a guitar or shooting a basketball or swimming.

It is a skill, and so it's the proper application of the right knowledge.

That there is this training and applying for some.

This is where the rubber meets the road.

And I was talking to a couple afterwards as we talked about the end of the series, and they're like, it's actually not the end of the series, it's the beginning of the series, because now it's time to apply it.

And I thought, like, what a great response, and it's true.

It's you, you and I, we need to begin to apply the lessons that we've been learning about how to do relationships well.

And we started off with week one with this verse that said in Proverbs that there's a way that appears to be right.

But in the end, it leads to death.

There's this way that appears to be right relationally, that appears to be right in how we go about our friendships, but in the end, it actually leads to death.

It undermines the very relationships that we want.

There's a way that seems right, there's a way that sounds right, there's a way that even feels good, but in the end, and you know it, and I know it, we've experienced it ultimately isn't good for us.

And so we've been spending the last few weeks looking at popular relational advice that sounds good, that seems good, and even feels good in the moment, but we've experienced so much heartache and so much pain, we know ultimately it's not good for us.

We started off with, you know, follow your heart or you do you, it's just physical, or um uh all you need is love.

This morning we're concluding with what I believe is the advice that has shipwrecked more marriages, destroyed more friendships, and this bit of advice, it actually um has caused people to really um undermine their very future.

Because this has uh even more implications, not just relationally, but for decision making in all of life.

And the advice is you deserve to be happy.

Doesn't that sound good?

And we all go, yeah.

And some of you are like, Ryan, don't mess with this one, right?

Please, okay, follow your heart.

That was a hard feeling to swallow.

Don't mess with you deserve to be happy because it sounds good.

It seems good, but is it really good for us?

Underneath uh that advice is this modern uh relational vision.

It's actually a new way of like viewing all of relationships of the outcome or desire of what we want to see happen relationally.

And the modern relational vision says this your happiness is most important.

This is what we've bought into as a culture that your happiness is most important.

In fact, maybe let's make it theological.

Some of us would say it this way: God's will for your life is to be happy.

God wants me to be happy.

In fact, parents do this.

If you ask a parent, what do you want for your kid?

All I want for my kid is to be what?

I know there's not a lot of parents in here.

You just knew the answer, the subjects on happiness.

Let's try it again.

All I want for my kids is to be happiness.

Thank you guys.

I love that.

Why?

Because your happiness is most important.

Put it in the relational context.

The purpose of relationships is personal happiness.

The point of the marriage, the point of the friendship, the point of what uh dating is your personal happiness.

Now let's define happiness because the way we've defined happiness uh has shifted over the years.

Actually, classically, the way you would define happiness, the way the ancients in scripture would define it as well, but also just in classical thought, what had to do with this virtuous life.

It's the well-lived life.

It's the one where you look back on life and you're happy with it.

Whereas when we define happiness today, it has to do with a deep sense of personal pleasure or satisfaction.

It is this, you know, pleasurable satisfaction of the moment.

And so the purpose of relationships is this personal happiness.

And so you exist for my happiness.

I'm dating you, I'm marrying you, I'm friends with you, so that I'll be happy.

Well, how do I be happy?

Uh here's our you know, formula, if you will.

When I get, and then you fill in the blank, then I'll be happy.

When I get, when I finally find the right person, when I finally fall in love, when I marry her or marry him, then I'll be happy.

And for some, you're like, when I'm not married to him and I'm not married to her, then I'll be happy.

When I get the right job, when I get out of this job, when I'm successful, when I finally own a home, and others are all owning a home, you're like, when I finally sell this home, when we finally move out of the area, this area is crazy and it's so insane.

And so if we moved away, then I'll be happy.

When I huh, when I build that lifestyle brand, like when I can travel the world and and live, have people live vicariously through my pictures, and I don't have to live through other people's pictures, then I'll be happy.

And so then we give this bit of advice for people do what makes you happy.

If the purpose of relationships is personal happiness, if the most important thing is to be happy, then you should do whatever makes you happy, right?

If it feels good, do it.

In fact, we asked this question.

Oh my goodness, and this question has shipwrecked more relationships.

Do they make you happy?

She just doesn't make me happy anymore.

He doesn't make me happy anymore.

And if the most important thing is to be happy, well then I need to do what makes me happy.

Do they make me happy?

No, the honeymoon stage wore off.

And we do this with our friends, right?

I just need to surround myself with people who make me happy.

Well, if your friends don't make you happy anymore, then get new friends.

And so we come to this conclusion.

If unhappy, something must be wrong.

If I am unhappy, something must be wrong.

Because happiness is most important, and the purpose of life is to be happy, and so if I'm unhappy, whatever makes me happy is wrong.

Now let me ask you this.

Why is it that happiness is so elusive?

Why is it so fleeting?

Why is it something that we're running after, we're pursuing, but we never quite get, and if we do get it, it just vanishes so quickly.

Maybe in the Silicon Valley asked another way, why are our lives so full?

And yet we live such unfulfilled lives.

You know, I think there is a problem with happily ever after.

You know, we talk about it in the fairy tales in the myths of living happily ever after.

And it's not just a fairy tale, it's what we desire, whether it's with in marriage or friendships or in work.

We want the happily ever after, don't we?

Like I want the job that I work and it's happily ever after.

You know, do what you love and you never work a day in your life.

Well, well, I I guess I don't love this anymore because it feels like work today.

The problem of happily ever after, Dr.

Victor Frankel, psychiatrist and neurologist, many of you would know, Holocaust survivor, famous uh writer, he said, it is the very pursuit of happiness that thwarts happiness.

He says, pursuing happiness.

See, happiness isn't the problem, it's the pursuit of happiness that is the problem.

Well, why does making happiness the end goal of your life a problem?

Well, three things I want to highlight for us.

First, it tells us that difficult is bad.

As someone once said, no, difficult ain't bad, it's just hard.

See, we have subtly begun to believe a lie that if anything is difficult, it is bad and to be avoided.

Oh, this is hard.

Well, listen to this.

When happiness is our end goal, we'll never sacrifice.

And without sacrifice, we'll never do anything of significance.

See, we begin to believe that delay, discomfort, risk, inconvenience, obstacles could not be the will of God.

Because if God exists to make me happy, and this is hard, it could not be his will.

Dr.

Timore Elmore talks about this in our current culture, is where because of the technology and the life we're living, we're beginning to believe some things.

He says, in an age of speed, we've begun to believe that slow is bad.

In an age of convenience, we've begun to believe that hard is bad.

In an age of entertainment, we've started to believe boring is bad.

In an age of nurture, we're believing that risk is bad.

In an age of entitlement, we're believing that labor is bad.

The problem of heavily, happily ever after is first, it tells us that difficult is bad.

That if I'm going through something hard, then I must get out of it.

It must be wrong.

And yet we'll never do anything of significance or that's uh of worth if we don't go through difficult to get there.

Secondly, it leaves us dissatisfied relationally.

It leaves us dissatisfied relationally.

This whole when-if thing, when I get here, then I'll have this.

The problem is when you get that, it doesn't fully satisfy, does it?

In fact, I was talking with some friends that reached all their goals the other day.

You're like, really?

Yeah.

Mid-40s.

This is what happens, especially with the high achievers.

Financially, relationally, independent, met all their goals.

And guess what?

Common thread.

Depression, dissatisfied, looking and longing for what's next.

See, we think if we just got that job, if we had this, if we were able to finally travel wherever you want, go wherever you want.

News flash.

I just sat across from someone who can travel wherever he wants, anytime he wants, and he's dissatisfied.

Philip Cushman talks about the empty self.

I think it's an accurate assessment of our culture today.

He says the empty self is filled up with consumer goods, cowries, experiences, politicians, romantic partners, and empathetic therapists.

The empty self experiences a significant absence of community, tradition, and shared meaning, a lack of personal conviction and worth, and so it embodies the absences as a chronic, undifferentiated emotional hunger.

Hunger.

This absence is just this chronic hunger of the soul, never satisfied.

The problem of happily ever after, it tells us difficult, it's bad, it leaves us dissatisfied relationally, and it creates a disillusionment with life, with others, with ourself, and with God.

It creates this disillusionment.

Now think about this.

If my purpose is to be happy, and I am not happy, stay with me.

Something must be wrong with me.

For many, you've believed that happiness is the most important thing.

The purpose of life, the purpose of relationships is to be happy.

And I'm not talking, I want to be clear on the clinical side of things, but the the widespread anxiety, the widespread angst that we're seeing amongst this generation, I has to do, has to do, I think, with misplaced end goal of what life is all about.

If it's all about being happy and I'm not happy, all of a sudden, this internal angst, something must be wrong with me.

I must be broken.

Think about it, parents, as we have said, all I want for my kid is to be happy, and that kid doesn't feel happy, they feel like they've let their parents down.

And in this weight that they feel underneath.

Well, if God exists to make me happy and I'm not happy, then God has let me down.

And the problem with happily ever after is it creates a disillusionment because it's the wrong purpose or goal for our life.

J.P.

Moreland and Klaus Eisler write in their book, The Lost Virtue of Happiness.

If happiness is having an internal feeling of fun or pleasurable satisfaction, and if it is our main goal, where will we place our focus all day long?

The focus will be on us, and the result will be a culture of self-absorbed individuals who can't live for something larger than we are.

As parents, we will then view our children as a means to our own happiness.

Marriage, work, and even God Himself will exist as a means to make us happy.

The entire universe will revolve around our internal pleasure and me.

You deserve to be happy.

And yet, in a culture of abundance, why is it so few are?

Why is there such a restlessness and angst in our souls?

Could it be that we have the wrong end goal?

No, happiness itself isn't the problem.

In fact, let me ask a better question for us.

Not how do I make sure I'm happy in life?

I want to make sure I'm happy.

I want to make sure I get mine.

But listen to this.

How do you make sure that you end up happy with your life?

Have you ever thought about that?

Like when you look back, maybe you're 60 years old.

Some of you are like, Will I ever be 60?

Yes, you will.

When you look back and you look at the decisions you made, you look at the relationship you you had, you look at the life you live, the character you have, and you would go, Wow, I am happy with my life.

There is a difference between pursuing happiness in life and looking back and truly being happy with your life.

Call this the law of happiness.

And Psalm 1 unpacks the law of happiness and how we are to go about our lives in such a way that when we look back, we go, wow, I'm so happy with my life, with the decisions I made, with the relationships I had, with the person I became.

If you got your Bibles, would you open up to Psalm 1?

We'll pick it up in verse 1.

Begins this way.

The author says, Blessed, underline that word blessed, is the one who does not walk and step with the wicked, or stand in the way that sinners take, or sit in the company of mockers.

He begins this psalm, the very first psalm of the Psalms, Psalm 1, it's a wisdom psalm, meaning it's gonna teach us about how to live life well.

And he says, You want to know about how to live life well?

He starts off with happy.

Blessed.

Right?

No, that's the word blessed, Ryan.

Actually, in the Hebrew, there's a very specific word for blessed.

This is not it.

This word means happy.

In fact, right up above it, happy.

The psalm says this, happy.

Happy are those.

You want to be happy, you want to look back and be happy with your life.

I'm gonna share the law of happiness, how you go about this, so that you can look back 10 years, 20 years, 30 years from now, and go, oh man, I'm so happy.

See, that's the type of life, the happy life.

He says, happy.

Now notice this, is the one who does not walk in step with the wicked.

And you circle that word wicked.

Now, when we think of wicked, we think about the worst people on the planet, right?

You're like the wicked, and and you can just kind of like have a few different people from history maybe show up in your mind that are wicked, and you're like, okay, that's wicked.

So, like, I don't really have friends that are wicked.

Let me define wicked for you.

The wicked are those who live as if there is no God, biblically.

The wicked are those that live as they are the very center of the universe, life is all about them, and they live for now.

See, I would say there's a lot of people who call themselves Christian.

Who live as if there is no God, that they believe they're the center of the universe, at least they act that way, and they live for now, not recognizing that there's eternity.

See, what he's saying is happy.

A truly deep, resonant, happy people are ones who do not live as if they are the center of the universe, as if there is no God, as if now is all there is.

Now I want you to notice there was this progression in here as well.

It said, Blessed or happy are the ones who do not walk, stand, and sit.

See, I think many of us start out in life with great intentions.

Right?

Maybe you're just getting done with college and you have this vision, and maybe you had a moment with God, and you're like, Man, God, I want to give you my whole life.

I want to run passionately after you.

I'm, you know, I'm gonna date someone that I believe we're better together.

I'm gonna honor you and my relationships here.

I'm man, when I get into the business world, I'm gonna like I know you've made me to make an impact with my life.

And then we just begin to get caught up in the Silicon Valley pace, don't we?

It's busy here.

And I mean, if you don't drive a Tesla, you really haven't arrived yet.

So, like, you're like, okay, I gotta drive the right car.

And um, I mean, the like it's all about success and being a part of what whatever cool company you're a part of, and and we just simply start to get caught up where we're just not really paying attention, maybe started out with good intentions, but then we're just kind of walking along, going, I never intended to walk this way, but it's just where the crowd was going.

And I just began to walk and be carried away.

And then I found that I was standing, I was lingering, and then I just found that I just sat down, kind of gave up.

And this is just how life is, this is just how the valley is.

In fact, I don't know if there's any other way to live.

He says, Happy people don't get caught up there.

Happy people are the ones who say, No, no, no, I am not the center of the universe, it's not all about me.

Now is not all there is.

In fact, I was created for a grander, larger purpose by God Himself.

And so I'm going to orient my life around God.

Notice what he says next.

He says, Blessed are those who do not walk and step with the wicked or stand in the way the sinners take or sit in the company markers, but whose delight is in the law of the Lord and who meditates on his law day and night.

He says, Happy people, happy is the person who delights in God.

Like you just delight in him, and it makes sense, by the way.

It's so logical.

If you believe there is a God who created you, who is good and loves you, then when you delight in your creator, you're gonna be most fulfilled.

It makes sense.

Says, who delights in his law, who meditates on his word day and night.

Uh, when my wife and I were dating, um, we dated a long distance.

I was in Chicago, she was in at Cal Poly Slow, and then eventually um she moved to Sweden for a year with crew to do um a stint with them.

And this was before FaceTime and Facebook, and really um I didn't have a cell phone in college.

I know that may shock some of you.

Um, and you're like, wow, that's archaic.

Uh and so we had to make phone calls.

I'd buy prepaid phone cards and you know, dial up in my dorm room and like go, it was a cord phone, so I'd go out in the hallway and try to have a conversation.

And here's what was amazing is um, because we didn't have all those things, and it's awesome that we have them now, um, we'd write letters and we'd send care packages.

I gotta tell you, anytime I went down to our you know, campus post office and got a care package, like my heart leapt.

I mean, just like this is insane, this is amazing.

Are you kidding me?

And I'd open it up, and there's a note from Jenny, and I just read it over and over again and just be like, Oh, this is amazing.

I still have a box from all the things that we sent each other, you know, over that year period.

I mean, we've been married 18 years, and it's still precious to me.

God wrote you a note.

I know we know this or we've heard this before, but would you just sink in?

Like, God loves you, and and he's like, Man, I I want the best life for you possible.

And he says, Blessed are those who who, in the same way that a young man is dating this young woman across the globe, you know, just like pours over a love note, would you pour over God's word?

You just go, man, I'm gonna delight in your word.

Like, I want to get your word in my heart.

We're doing this Bible reading plan.

You're going, like, oh, you know, I just threw the card down.

That's what I think of it.

Where you go, like, I'm gonna get in here and I'm gonna read, and I God, I want to know your heart.

Like, you really love me and you wanna like make yourself known to me, and you want to know me and like share things with me, and so I'm gonna get into your word.

Would you just like pour over his word?

That we'd be a people of his word.

Like, happy are the people who delight in God's word.

Like, you begin to go, like, okay, as I'm getting in here, God, you're not down on me, you're for me.

You're like, Well, Ingram, I saw that where it said, um, delight in the law of the Lord?

Are you kidding me?

When has anybody ever delighted in the law of the Lord?

Well, read the Psalms, it's all throughout here, but you're like, yeah, but normal people, like really everyday people.

Um, when my daughter was uh two years old, she came running around the corner of our house with scissors in her hands.

And the sharpen was facing this way, and so she's running, so it's like coming right past her eye, the sharpen, just like this, the way two-year-olds run, you know, it's just like flailing arms everywhere, and I'm like, stop! And I was like, I probably shouldn't have yelled, it probably shouldn't freak her out, you know.

And I grabbed the scissors and she cried because her mean dad took the scissors that she was playing and having so much fun with away.

And guess what?

She cried and was mad at me, all my kids, because I didn't let them play in the street when they're little kids.

See, every time I had one of those moments with my kids, it wasn't because I was trying to keep them from anything or rain on their parade.

It's because, as a good father, I love them and want to protect them and I want the very best for them.

Would you recognize that the heart of every command of God is an I love you?

He doesn't command anything if it's not for your good.

He's not trying to withhold from you, keep you from something that is good.

He's actually trying to keep you from harm.

So you'd go, I'm gonna delight in your law because your law is good and it's for my good, and every command you've ever given is an I love you from your heavenly father to you.

Doesn't that change the way you think about his law?

Instead of going like, man, God's just holding out on me.

No, man, your perfect heavenly father who's wild about you and loves you and wants you to experience the very best life ever, says there's some things that I'm gonna say, and it's for your good, and I'm gonna pull the scissors out of your hand.

I'm not gonna let you run in the street and you're gonna be mad a little bit, but I tell you what, it's for your good because I love you.

Blessed, happy, is the person who delights in the law of the Lord and meditates on it day and night.

Now, notice this that person is like a tree planted by streams of water, which yields its fruit in season and whose leaves do not wither, whether whatever they do, prosper.

That person is rooted, established.

Not getting thrown by by the winds of the culture, by the circumstances of our political environments.

That person is rooted and established and stable.

Don't you want that?

Notice this fruit.

Fruit comes in a particular season.

Did you see this?

It said, which yields its fruit in season.

Meaning there are seasons where it's not fruitful, and we know this.

We look at nature.

There's times where there's a fruit tree and it's winter.

See, there are times where you're experiencing new growth, maybe seasons of pruning or winter dormancy.

And what he's saying here, and it's so powerful, he says, that it's yield is fruit and season, and yet whatever they do prospers.

So you can prosper even when life is not fruitful in the moment.

See, much of the way we determine success is by outward.

What does it look like?

What is the fruit?

And here's what he's saying: he's saying, fruit takes place in a certain season, yet growth happens year-round.

Some of the greatest uh root growth takes place when there is no fruit on the tree.

In the winter season, God is doing root development.

On the outside, it looks like nothing is happening, but down below the surface, some of the most important areas are being developed.

And for some, you're in a root development season as you're learning to go deep with God, and you're like, well, some of the outward circumstances don't look exactly the way I would like them.

It's not fruitful, and you're like, no, no, no.

Your roots are going deep into Him, and it's productive and prospering.

See, the law of happiness says that there's actually only two paths in life.

All right, no, there's so many paths, so many choices.

No, they just would say there's one path that says, I'm gonna pursue and delight in God.

There's other psalmists would say, delight in the Lord, and he'll give you the desires of your heart.

Like I'm just gonna pursue after you, and the other path is I'm gonna pursue after my own thing.

Every other path is just you being at the center of you.

And so relational intelligence, when it comes to happiness, says this happiness is a byproduct of a well-lived life, not a destination in life.

See, happiness, when we're talking about it, especially in our modern term, of uh, you know, the whole idea of a sense of pleasural satisfaction, it's a byproduct, it's a path to go down.

Happiness is a wonderful traveling companion, it is not a destination or an end goal.

In fact, C.S.

Lewis would say it this way: you cannot get a second thing by putting them first.

You can get a second thing only by putting first things first.

And for some.

This morning.

What you're coming to realize is the things that you've been running after aren't bad things.

But they're second things.

Because they'll never be the thing that makes you happy.

In fact, Jesus would say it this way: seek first his kingdom and his righteousness, his way of life, the blessed life of Psalm 1.

That's his way of life.

And all these things will be added unto you.

That wasn't just like a nice idea.

It wasn't like Jesus just going, like, hey, you know, take it or leave it.

You'd say, in your life, you've been pursuing and running after things that you hope will make you happy, and you've made happiness an ultimate thing.

No, no, no, it's a byproduct, by the way, it's not a destination, it's a traveling companion.

But when you seek me, when you put your heart and the soul and say, I'm gonna seek your ways and your heart, by the way, all these things will be added.

You'll get the second things along the way.

You just make me the delight of your heart.

Okay, well, what do I do with this?

That's fantastic, but how do I go about doing that?

Let me give you just a couple application points, some decisions this week to make.

Application in your relationships, whether it's a friendship, maybe it's you're dating or married or work relationships, but in your relationships, would you choose to be a giver, not just a taker?

Would you choose to be a giver, not just a taker?

Jesus would say it this way: it's more blessed to give than receive.

What's fascinating?

What's fascinating is science and psychology backs it up.

2,000 years later.

Did you know?

Uh, in the Paradox of Generosity research book, uh, those Americans who give away money, and more specifically, those who give away at least 10% of their income are happier than those who do not.

Huh, that's weird.

What Jesus said agrees with our best, you know, research of our day.

We might just want to start taking God at his word.

I'm just saying, come on.

You're like, I don't know.

Like, would you choose to be a giver?

See, when happiness is your end goal, other people are a commodity that you take.

You live with a scarcity mindset.

I'm not gonna get mine, and so I gotta make sure I'm gonna get mine.

And no, you have an abundance because of who you you are in Christ.

You're gonna go, no, I'm gonna be a giver.

And by the way, when I give, actually, I'm gonna be filled up in that moment.

The author or Paul in Philippians, and the whole theme of Philippians is choose joy.

That's like the whole book, says, Therefore, if you have any encouragement from being united with Christ, any comfort from his love, if any common sharing in the spirit, if any tenderness and compassion, that's a lot of things that you have in Christ.

Then make my joy complete by being like-minded, having the same love, being one in spirit and one in mind.

Then notice this: do nothing out of selfish ambition or vain conceit.

Do nothing about like how do I get mine.

Rather, in humility, value others above yourself, not looking to your own interest, but each of you to the interest of others.

In your relationships, would you choose to be a giver with your time, your energy, resources, money?

This is not to be a doormat to be walked over.

And some of you wrestle on that side of it, but most of us we want to get and we're afraid to give.

And he says, No, no, no, happy are those who choose to be a giver, not just a taker.

Secondly, would you choose gratefulness instead of griping?

Did you know?

With neuroplasticity, we can actually re uh you know, program our mind a little bit.

Research says 10% of happiness comes from circumstances.

50% of our happiness comes from our temperament or genetic, and 40% has to do with how we live our lives.

So 10% is only circumstantial, according to the best research.

50% is part of your genetic temperament.

Neuroplasticity says you can rewire your brain for happiness.

40% has to do with how we live our life.

Gratefulness rewires your brain.

Griping does as well.

Philippians 4, 4 through 7 says, rejoice, and by the way, that's a command.

Rejoice in the Lord always, in the good times and the bad times.

I'll say it again, rejoice.

Let your gentleness be evident.

Oh, the Lord's near, his presence is close.

That's the reason you can rejoice.

Do not be anxious about anything.

Well, come on, this area is so uh we're living in the most anxious-driven world.

How do I do that?

But in every situation, by prayer and petition, leaning into God with thanksgiving, present your request to God and the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Would you choose gratefulness instead of griping?

Where you become happy for what you have.

You're like, no, no, no, I'm I'll be happy when I have.

God, I'm happy.

I'm not really happy, but I'm grateful.

Let's start there.

It has to be a daily discipline, by the way.

Advertisement in our day is built around you looking at what you do not have and creating the need that if you have it, then you'll be happy.

To create a deep dissonance in our soul with where we're at.

And so we have to constantly go, I'm grateful for, I'm thankful for.

Part of my practice in doing this is I journal, and it's just the way I pray because I'm distractable and I can't keep my thoughts clear, and so I write them down.

It's just helpful for me.

And when I start, you know, I begin with, you know, uh, good morning, my heavenly father.

I want to remind that he's my heavenly father.

And then I start with just with thank yous.

Thank you, God, for because it reorients my mind, redirects my mind from the things that I'm frustrated on and from all the like pressures in the man to like, God, look at what all you've provided for me.

See, my circumstances don't change, but my perspective did, and it's powerful.

I love to gripe, by the way, and we all love a good gripe.

Don't we love it when someone will gripe with us?

And it's like, yeah, man, this person, and when someone doesn't do it, isn't it frustrating?

Like, come on, and yet, and yet it causes us to look at the world with that scarcity, with not enough.

Would you choose gratefulness?

Thank you, God, for what you've given me.

And then finally, would you choose contentment over comparison?

Would you choose contentment?

Would you make these decisions in your relationships?

Would you today go, okay, this is gonna be hard, but when when you know I want to be a taker, God, I'm gonna, I'm gonna, by the power of your spirit, would you empower me to be a giver in this moment?

I'm gonna choose gratefulness.

I'm not very grateful right now, but uh, but God, would you help me?

I'm just gonna thank you for the man, thank you for this house I'm renting.

I could be not having a house to rent.

I would love to own one day, but I'm thankful for what you provided.

Choose contentments, happy with what you have over comparison.

Social media, we compare other people's filtered highlight reel to our unfiltered reality, don't we?

And nowadays, it used to be where it was just like pictures of what really happened.

Now it's people taking five billion pictures and professional cameras and staging stuff to prove that this is they're having the best life.

Isn't that funny?

Um okay, maybe it's just funny for me and other people that aren't millennials, like you go to like Santana Roe or go to the beach and you see them like I clearly do not know how to hold my head for the perfect picture.

I get that.

And some of you, you're awesome at it, teach me later.

But we compare, and what research has shown over and over again, the more we're on social media, the more depressed, discouraged, and anxious we are as a people.

That's just research.

Why?

Because you're constantly comparing, and constantly getting fed with you're not good enough, you're not pretty enough, you're just not enough.

Choose contentment.

I am saying this, the Apostle Paul, Philippians 4 11, because not not because I'm in need, for I've learned to be content whatever the circumstance.

Whoa.

I know what it is to be in need, I know what it is to have plenty.

I've learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in one, I can do all this through him who gives me strength.

That's the context of the verse that we quote all the time.

I can do all this or some all things through Christ who gives me strength.

The all this is contentment.

It's what he does and his strength, whether you have a lot or don't.

The issue isn't what you have, it's whether he's got all of you.

Whether you go, okay, I'm gonna choose to be a giver, not just a taker.

I'm gonna choose gratefulness instead of griping.

I'm gonna choose contentment over comparison.

Why?

Because happiness is a byproduct of a well-lived life, not a destination today.

You get to choose, you can make happiness the destination and get to be running after the elusiveness, or you can go okay.

Happy is the one that delights in the Lord.

Would you stand with me?

We're gonna worship, and would you delight in him this morning?

Jesus, we invite you here to speak and have your way after the message, like you're not done speaking right now.

So don't run from this moment, linger and let the Spirit of God meet you because He's wanting to cement some things in your heart in this moment.

And so, God, we ask that you would have your way.

We'll respond to what you show.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.