Session 4 Part 1: The Players in Marriage

The players in marriage. This hot topic of headship and

submission. I love talking about this

because every time I talk about it, I feel like God ministers to

me and reminds me of what His view is of my role as a husband.

So it's incredibly helpful for me.

I trust that it will be helpful for you.

The key text from Ephesians 5 is there on page 31.

Submit to one another out of reverence for Christ.

Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the

Lord. For the husband is the head of

the wife as Christ, as the head of the church, his body of which

he is the Savior. Now as the church submits to

Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands and

everything. Husbands, love your wives, just

as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.

I love the fact that there is a, a charge for us all to submit.

And so sometimes we separate those two like this headship.

And then there's this submission thing.

But actually both need to submit.

We both husband and wife submit submit to one another out of

reverence for Christ. So the the paragraph just below

their text is kind of the summary of what I'm going to

cover, but it says in sorry, only in submitting to our

divinely assigned gender roles do we discover that marriage is

like a beautiful dance when hot button words like headship and

submission are understood and applied correctly with Jesus as

the model for both marriages flourish.

Everyone get that? So we we've got God assigned

roles. He's assigned headship and he is

assigned submission as the two roles for husband and wife

within marriage. It's his design.

That's what he's given us, and we are to submit to both of

those roles respectively. So the framework that I want to

cover, we want to cover for this morning and this session is to

talk about what was the good that God originally intended

because it's always good for us to go back.

This was His originally intended to understand what it was before

sin came in, before the curse of sin found its place.

What was God's original intention then?

How men and women corrupt what God intended with the fall.

And then how Jesus comes to redeem things.

He redeems all things, including our marriage roles, doesn't just

come to redeem our souls. He's a redemptive God in a broad

reality. So our marriages need to be

redeemed because Son comes in to our marriage and it distorts

things and it takes us away from what God intended.

But His desire is to redeem our marriage roles and then how do

we apply that to our marriage? I did say last night, and Kevin

touched on it this morning, we're not wanting to go too

heavy on application because we want to give God's view.

We want to give the biblical reference and we want to put

those parameters in place. And I think God is not big on

giving us all the practical out workings because he is gracious

in his way and He gives us freedom and he gives us space

and He knows that we've got different personalities and

we're all in different seasons of our lives.

So actually He allows us to work out within the parameters what

it looks like, but sometimes it is good to just give some

practical application to it. So we'll end with that for this

first session. So God's original intent on page

33 we read in Genesis 1 says, then God said, let us make man

in our mankind, in our image, in our likeness, so that they may

rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky, over

the livestock and all the wild animals and over all the

creatures that move along the ground.

So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God.

He created them, male and female.

He created them. God blessed them and said to

them, be fruitful and increase in #4 the earth and subdue it.

Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and

over every living creature that moves on the ground.

So God's original intent that we get from that passage of

Scripture is one of equality. God intended equality.

That's why the, the subject of submission is a hot topic and

it's a controversial topic because it gets put in, in a, in

a world view context as that there's there's not equality

there. Like the, the headship role as a

husband puts the husband on a different level and the wife

just needs to submit. And and this issue of, of

equality is distorted. And because that's their wives

feel oppressed in that they feel lesser and that's why that's a

subject that they just don't want to talk about and they are

against and they would kick against because it puts them in

a different level. But when we read the scripture,

we see God actually intended equality.

So he says let us make mankind speaking about men and women in

our image equally made. So just like our image is 3

persons, yes, we have different roles to play, we have different

authorities within the roles that we play, but we are

absolutely equal as far as divinity and glory is consent.

So God makes man mankind has been in life with different

roles, different levels of authority, but absolutely equal

in dignity and in worth. So we go to, we got to put the

equality conversation within the context of we are equal as far

as our worth, who we are in God, the dignity that he gives us.

We find absolutely equality in that.

That's what he intended. That's why I said let us make

mankind in our image like we are.

Let's make them so equal in how we've been made.

Then it says that they may rule over the fresh, but that he may

rule over the fresh and that his wife would just be there to cook

so that he's got enough strength to rule.

Says they that they may rule. So they're equally given

dominion. Husband and wife is given

dominion to rule equally. There's no distinction.

They've both been given that dominion to rule.

And a little bit further down it says God bless them.

God bless the man and the wife happens to just kind of get the

little bit of dregs that falls off the man in terms of the

blessing that he carries. He blessed them equally blessed.

They're both blessed by God and then said to them be fruitful

and increase in number. So they've equally commissioned,

equally made, equally given dominion, equally blessed by

God, and equally commissioned. No distinction in how that all

lays out absolute equality. That's beautiful.

And, and when, when a husband and wife can exist in a marriage

in such a way that that equality as far as our dignity and our

worth and how God blesses us, how he has commissioned us, how

he has given us dominion, his righteous dominion.

There's an authority that we share.

We've been made in his image, this absolute equality.

And that kind of settles the are we talking about different

levels here? No, we're not just talking about

different roles and different levels of authority, but in

terms of dignity and worth and how God has made us and

commissioned us and blessed us and given us dominion, this

absolute equality. Then we look at Genesis one

verse 28. It says God blessed them and

said to them be fruitful and increase in number.

And in Genesis 2 he says the Lord God said it is not good for

the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable

for him. The intention that we draw from

those two just to fill in the blank and then I'll explain it,

is that God intended completion. If you've watched any of those

romantic movies, you know where the the lady will say to the

guys, Oh, you're completely you heard that.

I mean, there is no more cheesy line in a movie than that, but

I've got to give it to whoever wrote it biblical.

There is a completion. There is a completing that takes

place. That's God's intention.

So in in the first verse, God blessed him and said to them be

fruitful. An increase in number.

OK, so a simple biology lesson being fruitful is not going to

happen without a husband and a wife, right?

My husband on his own good luck and nothing is going to happen

to has to come together and in the togetherness there is fruit.

So be fruitful and increase in #2's got to come together and

complete what needs to be done and what needs to happen for the

fruitfulness to flow. You can't have just the one,

there's got to be the other. So that's on a physical level,

then on a more of a cognitive, emotional level that says the

Lord God said is not good for the man to be alone because him

being alone is incomplete. I will make a helper suitable

for him. Now helper, I know it's probably

not the best word to use. So in terms of translation, I

mean, that's the word that we've got there, but we've got to

understand what was the original word and what is that trying to

show us. But it's not.

I need a personal assistant helper.

I need someone to help me do the things that I don't really want

to do as a husband. So I need a helper that will

kind of compliment me because it's all about what I'm up to.

And this helper allows me to do that.

This helper, the actual word is, is EZER.

And what that means, it refers to military reinforcement

without which the battle will be lost.

It's a military term. So such as military

reinforcement, it's military reinforcement without which the

battle will be lost. That's what that word refers to

on on many occasions in the Bible, God is referred to as in

the original text. So he's that reinforcement

without which we lose the battle.

He is the saviour. He's the one that comes in.

So this same term is used. Yeah.

Where the wife is that Azure, that kind of helper.

So like the husband has whatever he has in terms of God's gifting

and his ability, but he's incomplete and God puts a helper

and his with him that reinforces and that without which this

battle is going to be lost. So that we we come together and

in our togetherness, we get to have the victory in God because

we've been put together in this amazing way.

I was when wives have an issue around the, the word help, it's

like sounds so like help. I was like, well, you know, if

the wife is the helper, then the husband is the helpee.

That sounds a lot worse. He's the one being helped.

And they're like, Oh yeah, I know I'm the helper.

But we got to, we got to realize that it's not, we're not talking

about assistance. It's not the assisting help,

it's the it's the help in a way that complements that which is

lacking in the husband and the coming together.

Is this reinforcing? And God completes the picture.

It's like 2 puzzle pieces coming together and together we can

actually do this. So that's what's meant by

helper. But God intends equality and

intense completion. It is like a waltz, each gender

is gifted 4 different steps in the same dance with a couple

moves as though they are one body on the dance floor.

If you've ever just taken time to watch a waltz, but like done

properly, just this incredible movement of two people, but as

they move, it's like there's just one, there's one body

moving. It's a beautiful picture because

actually we got to get the fact that in that, in that movement,

the husband is leading, but the wife, she is submitting.

But there's there's no tension in that.

In fact, there's a beauty in that and, and the, and the

husband is leading in a way where the wife is receiving

that. And man, I'm just submitting to

this like, baby, you just take me wherever you want to take me

on this dance floor because what you are doing actually makes me

look beautiful. It makes me feel light.

And I can just go with it because I, I'm happy to submit

to this leading. That's the kind of waltz that

God has intended for us. Much like the dance of the

Trinity. Three different persons with

three different roles and levels of authority, yet a unity and

flow that demonstrates complete oneness as one God.

That's like the dance of the Trinity.

Three different persons with three different roles and levels

of authority, yet a unity and flow that demonstrates complete

oneness as one God. That's why when God says let's,

let's make mankind in our image, the significance of that we got

to let hold of it. So the corruption that that

comes in and that twists and distorts God's original intent.

We, we read about it in Genesis 3.

And I mean, if I, if I stick with the with the analogy of the

walls, my wife and I went on like a dancing lesson thing just

to do something different. A couple of weeks worth of let's

just go dance and a few of our friends, we all got together and

it was such fun and it's good to do just as a married couple.

And what you've got to realize is in terms of who I am and,

and, and kind of my experience, like I haven't had dancing

experience, Certainly not, not, not like the attached vibe, not

the the waltz or any other. Like I'm more like a freestyle

kind of guy. I'm, I'm wired in that day.

Listen, maybe the next time I go.

But and like break dancing, that was like my, like I grew up in

that, you know, so now this thing of like you got to be

together. Like it's not dancing.

My wife, she danced professionally, so she knows how

to dance. She understands this.

And what happened in our dancing is that because of my leaning

towards freestyle, I was quite rebellious against what this

dance instructor was telling us, like the the kind of

choreography of this, then you do this, then you take this

step. I was like, whatever, man, I'm

going to just own this little dance floor.

I'm going to do things my way. So there was like a bit of

rebellion from my side. Plus my dear wife, because she's

the professional dancer, she knows how she became the lead

because she was like, no, no, no, it's like this.

And then it's like that. And I was like, oh, whatever,

man. But it's amazing how when you

take something that's so beautiful, like a waltz, but but

because the man's not leading, the woman's leading, and because

there's a little bit of rebellion and resistance, that

waltz just didn't happen. It was awkward.

We felt the friction. I was like, oh, man, what is

going on here? So yeah, we see in Genesis 3,

there's a distortion of what God intended.

Men and women sin against God. They sin against God.

I think we've, we've, we really got to remind ourselves when it

comes to sin that sin is not something that sits in

isolation. Sin has a place, it's in our

hearts, but there's also an object of sin and that's God.

We sin against him. It's a very sobering thought for

me. And we've got to know that

sinning against God is very different to sinning against one

another because the higher the being, the most significant the

offence. So if I walk out on the street

here and I come across a random citizen, I slapped him in the

face. That's not right, but the effect

of it might be fairly limited if I walk up to a policeman and I

slap him in the face. Different consequence if I get

to someone of political power and I slapped him in the face.

Now you, now you, now you. Now you're treading on dangerous

ground. But you get the fact that

slapping a person in the face, it's the same offense, but the

person who is being slapped changes the offense.

God's the highest being, so I sin against him is the thing

that's really got to grip us. We've got to know that when we

sin, we sin against him and our revelation of who he is that

needs to sober us. So we don't want to harp on sin.

We don't want to, you know, kind of like get all heavy, but we

don't want to just scoot over these things.

It's like we've got to have, there's got to be a gravity to

our revelation of what comes naturally out of us and a deep

cry in our hearts for God to help us and for his grace to

flow through our lives. So in this moment where Adam and

Eve sin against God, they go from being naked and unashamed

to covering up, blame shifting, pointing fingers at one another

and just trying to cover oneself.

It wasn't me, it was her. She made me do it, pointing

fingers. And this distortion kicks in and

self centeredness overrides all the goods that God intended.

I mean, here's the irony. It's like sin is in our hearts.

It's against God. And yet when it comes to

marriage, the thing that God actually designed, marriage then

gets the bad reputation. So the God created thing that is

perfect and there's absolutely nothing wrong with marriage.

It's a glorious institution. It's a beautiful institution.

His intention is for it to be a waltz where we just flourish in

an incredible way, seeing the fruit of that union.

But because of sin in our hearts and being against God, we seem

to think that we can actually view marriage in a negative way.

So nothing to do with what God did.

He didn't do anything wrong. What he's given us is beautiful.

We've corrupted it. It's our own thinking.

So we've got to be careful when we view marriage, especially if

we if we're taking like shots and we struggling in our

marriage. Like what's up with this?

No, no, there's nothing wrong with marriage.

What's wrong with me? What's wrong with the the

twisted, corrupted reality that's taking place in our

hearts? And it's not taint with God's

stand. It's not it's not find fault

with his design and his creation because it's perfect.

And then in Genesis 3 that says, and I'll put enmity between you

and the woman in between your offspring and hers.

He will crush your head and you will strike his heel.

I love that you can. You can recover from a bruised

heel. You don't recover from a crushed

head. And we see the first messianic

promise. God wastes no time to bring the

first messianic promise. And we see Jesus come.

We see him die on a cross. He gets bruised, his heel is

striked, but he raises to new life.

And we read in Revelation there is a crushing of the head.

Satan's head will be crushed and it'll be the end of him.

And God in Genesis 3, waste no time.

There's the promise, it's coming.

So the work of Jesus redeems every aspect of our lives,

including the roles within marriage.

So let's talk about the redemptive work of Jesus on page

37 when it comes to submission. I'm going to ask Antoinette to

talk through that. OK, please let's just read

together with Philippians 2 verse 5 to 8.

Philippians 2:5–8

In your relationship with one another, have the same mindset

as Christ Jesus, who, being in very nature God, did not

consider equality with God something to be used to His own

advantage. Rather He made himself nothing.

But taking the very nature of a servant being made in human

likeness and being found in appearance as a man, He humbled

himself by becoming obedient to death, even death on a cross.

So just like Adrian explained, now here we see that Jesus was

equal with God, Jesus, Holy Spirit, the Father, all equal.

But you can fill in the blank. Although Jesus was equal with

God, he inted himself of his glory and took on the role of a

servant. So he doesn't use his equality

with God for his own involved advantage.

In fact, he shed his divine privileges without becoming any

less divine and took on the most submissive role.

So here we see two things. We see that he did it

voluntarily and that it was a gift.

And so there you can say despite being equal to the Father, Jesus

voluntarily submitted to the will of the Father to secure our

salvation. And Jesus willing acceptance of

this role was wholly voluntary, voluntary, a gift to the Father.

Now this for me personally was quite a revelation in our

marriage, that my submission and marriage and submission to

Adrian, it's a gift to him. It's a gift that I want to give

him as he serves and loves me the way Jesus loves and serves

the church. I mean if you read on further

verse 9 it's not in there, but verse 9 it says that Jesus was

exalted to the highest place. Therefore God has exalted him

and bestowed on him the name that is above every name.

If Jesus submission was not an assault on his dignity and

divinity, but rather lead to greater glory, how could it

possibly hurt me to play the Jesus role in our marriage?

It's impossible. It's actually a beautiful thing.

So the last one is Jesus takes a subordinate role and in that

movement he shows not his weakness but his greatness.

Now, you know, when I was 32 years old, I was still single.

I was very independent, very stubborn.

I was a shareholder in my own business.

So I lived on my own. I looked after myself.

I couldn't make relationships work.

I struggled with relationships. I almost was at a point where

I'm at peace, OK, I'm not going to get married.

I can do this thing on my own. I was very independent.

And then I met Adrian and first date, just to find out that he's

six years younger than me. And that was in the beginning, a

bit of a struggle for me, but not so long.

I mean, look at him. I couldn't struggle for too

long. Focus on your notes.

Anyway, a year later we got married and there was 33 married

to a younger husband. And how do I submit to this?

And it sounds like a recipe for disaster, doesn't it?

But you know what? When both of us over the years

and in the beginning it was a bit of a struggle because I was

very stubborn and but every time it was like a mirror in my face.

Every time God just showed me. But as both of us, like he said,

submitted to our God-given roles, I realized over time that

this is not difficult. It's not difficult at all

because of the way he leads me and he wants everything that's

best for us and the family. So it just became this world's.

It became over time and through practice where you lay things

down and you look at God and you, you see the mirror once

again in your face and you, you know, it became a very easy

thing to do. Then I'm sure there might be

some of you sitting here thinking, yes, but you don't

know my husband. You know, he's maybe you do feel

like you're contrasting. Maybe he, you feel like he's

making wrong decisions. He's not good with Bunny.

He might be aggressive. He might be abusive.

Well, I want to make a thing, just something very clear that

there is a difference between godly submission and then like,

I don't explain what the world thinks submission is.

If your husband doesn't lead you in a godly way, and I'll use an

example, he wants you to help him to do something illegal, you

don't have to submit to that. Or if he's abusive, you don't

have to submit to that. And you know that's that's I

didn't will more speak about that.

That's the is you you first undergo submission and you look

to him. We must, however, as wives, be

very careful to fix our husbands the whole time, to tell them the

whole time what they are doing wrong and thinking that we can

do it better. And being that dripping tap, you

know, we must sometimes just allow them to make mistakes,

allow them to carry the consequences.

Because through that God can work with him.

God can help them to grow and bring them up to the husband he

needs to be. If we interfere the whole time

we in the way, yes, we can give our godly input, but not

constantly being this nagging wife steep away and take her to

God, stake one step back and let go and let God and then take

that opportunity to get started at God's feet and intercede and

pray for him and asking God to help him and reveal himself to

him in Luke 23 we see and I've no agent mentioned that

yesterday as well. We see when Jesus was hanging

from the cross, people mocked him and told him that if you are

the true Messiah, why don't you save yourself, get yourself off

that cross, you know, and if you think about it, Jesus, this

could our God, the Creator of all.

He submitted to the Father's world to become a human being,

to become this frailty of humor of a human.

He submitted himself to come down to earth and to give up all

his divine privileges. The darling of heaven came down

to earth and then to hang on that cross.

Can you imagine, imagine this strength that he took to submit

to the Father's world, to stay on that cross where he could

have at any moment just released himself.

But this strange to submit to the Father's world.

That is the most beautiful picture of submission we will

ever, ever see. So, Hannah, encourage you,

ladies. You know, we cannot do it with

the help of the Holy Spirit. We can't because we've got this

fleshly nature of stubbornness and we want our own way and

selfishness. Just sit at God's feet and ask

the Holy Spirit to help you in those moments sometimes just to

be quiet and to take it to him. Yeah.

So I'm going to leave you. Leave you with that.

So I love the fact that submission is pictured in this

Philippians 2 text as a gift that Jesus offered wasn't

something he was coerced in. Well, he wasn't forced.

He willingly offered. He submitted to the will of the

Father even when he prayed. It's like Father take this cup

from me but not my will. He'll open the submission and

and I think as wives, the encouragement is allowed Jesus

to be your example where your submission is to be a gift that

you offer, not something that you forced into.

And the reason why I'm stressing that is that that needs to be

heard by the husbands as well, because when your headship is of

such a nature that your wife does feel forced, well then

possibly you're not doing things right.

You've got you can't force your wife.

So the Father put his will forward and then Jesus out of

his own. He volunteered.

He said, I will submit to that will.

God's a gentleman. He doesn't force himself on us

either. He opens our eyes to the reality

of our need of him, the revelation of our depraved

state. He gives us the glory of Jesus

who has died for us, and we get to respond.

Doesn't that make us like robots?

Forces us into a relationship? So as a husband, we got to know

that our headship is not something that we put on our

apps. We don't like you will like

there's my will and allow you to submit to it as a gift.

So I'm not putting it as a duty to you.

I'm giving you my will, but allow you to respond in a

submissive way. And that kind of changes the

tone significantly. So the redemptive work of Jesus

for headship on page 39, the same text Philippians 2 now goes

to. Therefore God exalted him to the

highest place and gave him the name that is above every name,

that at the name of Jesus every knee should bow in heaven and on

earth and under the earth at every tongue acknowledged that

Jesus Christ is Lord to the glory of God the Father.

Jesus then gets exalted by God and in that takes the role of

the leader, the ultimate authority to which every knee

will bow. So the first half of that

Philippians 2 texts is he submits to the will of the

Father, plays a submission role. The second-half is he gets

exalted to this ultimate authority.

He is the leader of leaders, the King of kings, the Lord of

Lords, and every knee will bow to him.

Whether it's in this lifetime or beyond, every knee will bow.

He is the ultimate authority. So now we we, we consider world

view of authority, world view of leadership and and our

understanding of leadership and our exposure to leadership.

And we got to ask ourselves the question, does that represent

God's view of leadership? Is that a healthy way to see

things? So that might come from growing

up with a father who was heavy in his leadership, heavy in his

authority, too heavy that there might be within a work context,

a boss who is heavy-handed and, and, and so all these

experiences start to shape and mold our view of authority and

our view of leadership. And people get hurt under

leadership that is not representative of God's view of

leadership. And then they resist against

leadership. It's kind of like I'll submit to

it, but it's just kind of like man out of duty.

It's not something that I'm rushing into.

Like I don't have any other option.

I need a job, I need my salary. So let me just grin and bear it

because that leadership is something that doesn't represent

God's heart. If we look at what God's view

is, that Lana is authority and God's might.

Something totally different to a worldview of leadership and

authority. We see that in in John 13, Jesus

and his disciples, it says when he had finished washing their

feet, he put on his clothes and returned to his place.

Do you understand what I've done for you?

He asked them. You call me teacher and Lord,

and rightly so, for that is what I am.

So Jesus doesn't shy away from the fact that he's Lord, He

doesn't shy away from the fact that he has this authority that

he is the King of kings, He is the Lord of Lords.

He doesn't shy away from it. They call him Lord and, and, and

he is happy to accept that title, that label.

Now that I, your Lord and teacher, have washed your feet,

you also should wash one another's feet.

I've sent you an example that you should do as I have done for

you. Very truly, I tell you, no

servant is greater than his master, nor is a messenger

greater than the one who sent him.

So Jesus demonstrates Lordship. You call me Lord.

You're right. Let me show you what that means.

I'm going to wash your feet. So he is.

His understanding of lordship is not to Lord over, it's to serve.

He washes their feet and he says you do the same.

Because when you you come into a position of authority, you, you

take on the mantle of leadership in whatever capacity, whether it

be in your home or in church or in any form of institutional

organizational company. Lordship in my mind is a washing

of the feet. That's how I'm going to

demonstrate it to you. This is what I'm going to show

you. So I don't Lord it over you.

I'm going to wash your feet. What an incredible example.

So Jesus defies headship as being a servant leader.

And his example in the Gospels, I mean, that's just one text.

It's all over Scripture. It's all over the counter of his

life. He demonstrated that authority,

leadership means that you become the servant, you die to self in

order to love and serve the other.

That's exactly what Jesus did. So he's Lord, he is, He is, he's

the ultimate authority. He's the ultimate leader.

But how he demonstrates that authority is to come and serve.

He's a servant and the extents to which he serves is he dies to

self. Literally, he dies to the extent

of giving up his life for the sake of the other, which is you

and I. That's how he leaps.

So Jesus was totally sacrificial and most devoted to the good of

the other. And that good of the other was

the salvation of mankind. We needed the saving.

The ultimate authority comes and serves us in a way where he dies

for us so that we can be saved. In so doing, he redeems the role

of headship and properly defines authority, taking the toxicity

of it away. You see, that's the problem with

authority. It's toxic.

That's what people don't like, authority.

There's a poison there. There's something that's not

good for me there, but the way Jesus leads he he demonstrates

leadership in such a way that he completely takes all forms of

toxicity out of leading. There's no problem with us

submitting to him. We we don't struggle to submit

to his leading because he's leading was him serving us to

the point of dying for us. Par surrender to you, God, I, I

have no issue submitting to you. No, it no issue submitting to

who you are. Lord Jesus, you are Lord I

submit to you. But the reason why I can submit

to you is that you did not come to this earth and Lord over us.

You came to wash our feet, put us on a new path, cleanse us,

beautify us and you went the full extent of laying down your

life for us. You're a servant leader on an

incredible demonstration. And so men are also asked to

submit to their God assigned role.

The God assigned role for a husband is to lead.

And how are you exercising your leading, your authority that God

has assigned to you as a husband?

Are you serving your wife or are you lording over her?

Which if we come back to the whole thing of submission being

a gift, if you Lord over your wife, very hard for your wife to

offer it as a gift. But if you serve her and she

realizes, well, hold on a second, this headship thing,

it's for my benefit. I'll submit to that.

I'll submit to that. No problem.

Happy to because you're leading for my benefit.

I'm the beneficiary of this thing.

Headship's not for your benefit, it's for my benefit.

I'll submit to that. But we got to get Jesus example.

We got to get Jesus's heart and God's view of leadership and

know that when we as husbands have been put into this position

of hate ship, we've got a God assigned authority that he's put

on us. But that's not for us to take

and make ours add our own little bit of toxic fleshly nature to

and Lord over our wife and our family so that we're the

beneficiaries of our headship. They need to be the beneficiary

of our headship. Our wife and our families need

to be the beneficiaries of our leadership.

We serve like Jesus served us in his ultimate authority and

leadership. So the headship of a husband

would therefore mean is the definition of Egypt, the

exercising of power in service to the other and not to please

oneself. So Tim Keller does this

incredible paraphrase of of Philippians 2 and applies it to

marriage. And for me, it's like marriage

through the lens of the gospel. I'm just going to read his

quote. He says the relationship of

Jesus to the church is the model for that of husband and wife.

We, the church, submit to Christ in everything.

And the parallel of a wife submitting everything to her

husband is no longer daunting since we know what kind of

behavior the husband has been called on to imitate.

To what role must he submit to that of a servant leader who

uses his authority and power to express a love that doesn't even

stop at dying for his beloved? I think that sometimes as

husbands, we're not even prepared to wash the dishes,

nevermind dying for your beloved.

And we need, we need God's help here because we're to lead our

families in a way where they are the beneficiaries we serve as

leaders of our homes. We serve.

And then submitting, that's a doddle.

I can submit to that as a wife, I can submit to that.

Not a problem. So Jesus redeems both roles.

In Jesus we see all the authoritarianism of authority

laid to rest and all the humility of submission

glorified. It's like that Luke 3 text.

Every mountain and every hill will be laid low and every

valley will be filled in, because that's what the gospel

does. It just brings everything on an

even kilt. And we can walk on smooth

ground, straight St. no longer crooked and winding with these

massive toxic hills and mountains and deep valleys that

wives have to go through that's just brought on an even plain.

It's the beauty of the gospel. And we need to lean in to Jesus

and lean in to what he has given us as this beautiful example of

headship and submission, where he submitted to the will of the

Father. And then he demonstrated his

headship by serving us and washing our feet.

Both men and women get to play the Jesus role in marriage,

Jesus in his sacrificial authority and Jesus in his

sacrificial submission. And then we see that when we

submit to these roles and operate within them, husbands

and wives are two realities that play out.

The first one is this, they'll experience a dance.

They'll experience a dance within their marriage, moving to

a God rhythm that brings incredible fulfilment and

increased love for one another. See, that's the beauty of the

waltz. So if we submit ourselves to

God's way now, I want to serve my wife in a way where she is

beautified and she feels light on her feet and she just goes

with whatever my leading is because I can offer it as a gift

because I'm loving this. This is good for me because you

are leading me in a way where I'm the beneficiary of it.

They experience the dance. You see where when Antonette and

I were doing those classes, the tension just within that, and

this was just a fun dance glance.

It was enough for me to say, OK, there was aspects of this that I

didn't enjoy. It was like, I'm rebellious

against the like I'm not submitting to the role that I've

been given. I want to do the freestyle vibes

and instead of her submitting to whatever I'm doing, she's

compensating for my lack of leading and she's the one that's

leading. And how many times did we see a

wife lead? It's like you, you get all

strong on your husband or your husband's rebellious to the the

God assigned role that's been put on him.

It just brings tension at this fraction and we need to go to

Jesus and say, help us, you've redeemed these roles.

We want to submit ourselves to the God assigned roles that

you've given us and we want to take our cue from you.

We want to imitate you because we want to become more Christ

like. So I mean, we start looking at

unpacking the the theology of our sanctification, our growing

in God. We are to become more Christ

like. And what that means in the

context of headship and submission is that a husband

becomes more like Christ when his headship is a servant

leadership and a wife becomes more like Christ with her

submission is something that she offers as a gift.

Knowing that this isn't a demonstration of weakness.

This is a demonstration of greatness, just like God's

submission to the will of the Father and being on the cross

and not calling down angels to to to rescue him.

Was this act of greatness, not weakness was perceived by

everyone around the cross as weak as Ah, look at him, he

said, as the king of the Jews. Now look at him and he had to

face those those accusations and here all the snot comings that

were coming his way that he stayed.

And in staying, he demonstrated this incredible greatness.

And that's what wives need to lay hold of.

That submission is this beautiful demonstration of

greatness. But husbands are we, We can make

this so much easier for our wives if we just serve in our

leadership, just like Jesus served us to the point of dying

for his beloved. Their marriages will demonstrate

to the world. This is the second thing.

Lives that are transformed by a loving God.

See. This is where our marriage gets

to serve the mission of Jesus. When, when, when will thee

marries us? When, when people who are

outside of God's Kingdom and don't mow him get to see godly

marriages and they get to see the God rhythm that a wife and a

husband move to and they see something of a transformed life.

How do you get to live your life in this way?

How do you get to be a husband the way that you are husbanding

your wife? And how do you as a wife get to

submit in this incredibly glorious way where it just

works? It's like, oh, I want a little

bit of that. We can win people over to spy us

having godly marriages and and these roles of hateship and

submission flowing in a God rhythm.

It's a testimony. It's it's Philippians 2 on

display, Jesus submitting to the will of the Father and Jesus

being exalted to the highest authority.

But in his definition of that, he's exercising his authority

not for his own benefit, but for us.