Bad Advice: It's Just Physical | Part 5

Welcome to the Awakening Church podcast.

We pray this message encourages you and provides the hope and light of Jesus Christ.

Thanks for tuning in.

Today we're closing out our series called Bad Advice.

This is week five.

We've been in this series for five weeks, and what we've been doing is just simply looking at bad advice in our culture that undermines the very flourishing of our relationships.

And here's the thing: all of us have this innate desire, uh longing, core value, need relationally.

We said it, that your desire, my desire, whether you're extroverted, introverted, um, no matter what background you're from, is we long to have an intimate, life-giving, character-shaping relationship that has these rugged commitments to one another.

We long for that to intimate, where you're known, like somebody truly knows you, and you really know them.

Life-giving, like they're just refreshing, they fill your heart up.

Character shaping, just being around them, you want to be a better person, being around them, you want to become more like Jesus.

And you know they're in it with you through thick and thin.

And here's what we said: how in the world do you have or experience those types of relationships, right?

Doesn't it seem like that is like so it's our desire, but we can't quite experience it?

It's often this carrot that's in front of us that we are tripping over, hoping.

And what we said are these ideas that are pervasive in our culture, that's actually undermining the very flourishing of our relationships.

Now, for the first four weeks, we've talked about different ideas or um beliefs that are applicable to just about every single relationship, right?

So you're uh if you're married or a friend, if you're you know uh with your kids or with a coworker along those lines.

Today we're going to zoom in as we close and talk about one of the most pervasive ideas in our culture when it comes to our relationships, more specifically in the area of intimacy and sexuality.

And so you're like, okay, so that doesn't quite cover the friends thing or the kids thing.

Got it.

We're gonna zone in and it'll be a little bit of a shift from where we've been.

And um, I know as we begin this conversation, I just want to start with this awareness.

I know that uh one, we're all walking in from very different places, and we're all walking in, especially the minute you hear about intimacy or sexuality in church, when you're like, well, the pastor just said sex.

Is that okay?

Like, um awkward.

Um, God invented it, yeah, it's okay.

Um the second thing, and my mom's in the second row, so that's a whole nother deal that's going on there.

Um the second thing is the reality that we all come with with a story, right?

We all come with moments of heartache and pain, and we're diving into some deep waters that I want to make sure that we traverse and walk through wisely and well with tenderness and care, and at the same time bringing along God's wisdom so that we can really flourish in these areas.

And so today we're gonna be talking about it's just physical.

Now, last week I said um turn to your neighbor and say, just love me.

I'm not gonna do that today.

That's that that would be some of you are like, come on, Ryan.

I wish you never mind.

But the mantra, the mantra of our day, when it comes to our sexuality, when it comes to intimate, is it's just physical.

We have to test drive before you buy.

We gotta make sure we're sexually compatible.

When we're talking with singles, the research that is done says 52% of singles have had a one-night stand, 41% have had, you know, an FWB or friends with benefits.

And yet, at the same time, here's what's so fascinating about our core longing.

Remember, getting back to that, 32% agree to have to have great sex, you have to be in love.

And 84% say that sex is better when you are in love.

Now, the mantra, it's just physical, comes from an American sexual ethic.

I don't have time to unpack where it all began in our history, but the American sexual ethic goes like this: my body, my rules.

My body, it's my body, and I get to make the rules.

The modern dating progression goes something like this.

So we're gonna hook up, and then you know, if that goes well, then we'll gonna shack up.

And um, as long as that's going well, that's wonderful, and then eventually what happens is after hooking up, shacking up, then we break up, and then we just repeat, and we're on this endless cycle.

Uh the American sexual ethic, My Body, My Rules, more specifically, goes like this: you're a sexual being.

That's the fundamental truth about who you are, with cravings, appetites, and desires.

You have the right to fulfill that appetite with whomever you wish, however you wish, and wherever you wish, or whenever you wish, as long as it is consensual.

It's an appetite, it's a craving.

And it even goes further, and then you have the right to, it's in fact, to restrict that appetite, to restrict that desire is both oppressive and closed-minded, right?

Like, God forbid you ever restrict yourself.

Now, here's what's fascinating.

C.

S.

Lewis, uh, this is 70 years ago, wrote a book called Mere Christianity, and he addresses this.

So, literally 70 years ago, 1952 is when it came into print.

He spoke on this over the airwaves, yes, the airwaves, 1942, during World War II, uh C.

S.

Lewis, who originally was an atheist trying to disprove Christianity, came to know Jesus and became one of the great apologetics and thinkers of the faith.

During the crisis, they asked him to give all these incredible uh, you know, speeches about Christianity to give the nation of England hope.

And this is where mere Christianity was born out of it.

And what we think is our thinking and way of life, we think is so new and it's been around forever.

And C.S.

Lewis speaks to it so poignantly.

Listen to what he says.

Like all powerful lies, it's based on a truth.

Sex in itself is normal and healthy.

Why?

Because God invented it.

The lie consists in the suggestion that any sexual act to which you're tempted at the moment is also healthy and normal.

That appetite fulfilled in any way you want.

Now, let's let's apply this idea to our other appetites and our other cravings or our other needs.

Now, now, first, um, just newsflash, um, sex is not a base or a core need, meaning that if you don't have sex, you you you won't die, right?

If you don't have water, you don't have food, you'll die.

And some of you are like, no, Ryan, really, I I truly believe that um I don't know if I'm going to live.

So it's not a base core need, uh, but let's just move it over, like, and kind of connect it then like with food along those lines, and going, okay, I have the right, think about this.

I have the right to eat whatever I want, whenever I want, however I want, as long as it is consensual.

Well, that part doesn't fit there.

But here's what we know about food.

Too many of you are gluten-free and keto to ever buy into that, and we understand that what we put into our bodies, we may have the right to intake all of those sort of things, but we actually restrict intentionally, knowing that it affects us profoundly, right?

And um, I just came across this, um, and this I have a new, I there's times where I go vegan, there's times where I go keto, I'm like all over the map.

Uh, and um, and now I have a new, I just came across this.

This is fantastic.

Um, did you know there's a flexitarian?

Like, that describes me.

I'm like, that's amazing.

Um, yeah, my diet is flexible.

Yeah, sometimes meat, sometimes not.

I'm just a flexitarian there in that way.

And here's what happens though is we understand it in this area, but we do not apply it in the area of our sexuality, and it creates such heartache and harm.

Let's dive a little bit deeper if it's just physical, and I want to go to some deep waters here.

If it's just physical, why is there so much shame for those who've been sexually abused?

And I'm not saying that you should feel shame, and I know there's so many people who've walked through that.

But why does it just come with it?

Why is someone who is sexually assaulted far less likely to report it than those who've been mocked?

There's just something more deeper there.

Sadly, in our country, 30% of women report their first sexual experience not being voluntary.

40% of girls under the age of 15 first sexual experience not wanted.

20% of college women forced to have sex against their will.

And our mantra, my body, my rules, has done such great harm to women in our culture.

Years ago, when I was at college, um, young adults passed her.

I remember a young woman, she was a college student that was away at college, but she came back and she wanted to meet.

And she was telling me her story, which is heartbreaking.

And she sat in my office, she's sharing, she was at a party, she got drunk, and this guy brought her upstairs, and she's saying no, no, no, and he just went.

And she's talking about the shame and the feeling and all the things that were going on, and and then for her, she's like somehow trying to like, I just wanted to make it right.

I just wanted to make it feel right, and I just didn't know what to do, so I went back and slept with him again to say somehow try to make it feel right for me because I felt so violated.

And then in her hurt and brokenness, she shared it with her parents, and her dad's first response was not care or empathy or hurt, it was how could you do that?

How could you put yourself in that situation because such a heartache?

If it's just physical, why is it in such deep waters for us?

Why are teenagers three times more likely to suffer depression than when they're sexually after that?

Like we we have to understand, just like when we put stuff into our bodies and it has an effect that this has the same thing, that the American sexual ethic has shifted, that our sexuality from being a physical expression of love and intimacy to that of experiencing personal fulfillment, and the result is this it's a society saturated with sex, yet starving for love.

Starving for intimacy.

Isn't that true?

I mean, isn't that one of those things?

Like, it's saturated.

The old adage, it's easier to find a lover than a friend, seems to be more true now than ever.

It's saturated with sex.

And yet, our hunger, that base core desire to experience intimate life-giving, character-shaping relationships that have this rugged commitment, like we're still starving for it.

And the root, the root issue is that we have compartmentalized our sexuality and our spirituality.

We've bifurcated them.

And you walk in and you put on your spiritual hat, right?

You come to church, and in fact, even the pastor talking about sex feels a little awkward.

And you're like, oh my goodness, can we talk about here?

Why?

Because I put on my spiritual hat, and that that was Friday's hat, or that was Wednesday's, or that was other.

I am have these separate worlds, and for us to experience the wholeness and the integration and the intimacy we long for and desire, we gotta move those back together.

And the question I want us just simply to wrestle with is how are followers of Jesus to go about relationships in this sexually confusing world?

Now, I'm not talking about those who aren't believers.

I'm not talking about, you know, how is culture to go about this.

Now, I believe since God created us, designed us, his design is ultimately what's very very best for every single human on the planet.

But but the problem in the church is we so often try to hold other people to standards and not holding ourselves accountable or under God's word.

How are we?

Let's just deal with me.

Let's deal with you.

How are we as followers of Jesus to navigate and go about relationships in such a sexually confusing world?

Or better yet, how do we integrate our sexuality and our spirituality?

You know, the Apostle Paul wrote this incredible letter to the church in Corinth.

And Corinth was this um this in this major metropolitan city.

Um, ancient scholars who write about it said it was um scholars of antiquity rather, who write about it, uh said this, that Corinth was New York, LA, and Las Vegas all wrapped up into one city.

So that kind of gives you that picture of it.

I mean, when it when it comes to influence, when it comes to design, when it came to uh affluence, when it came to uh anything you can think about it, this big city, people from all over would travel here.

In fact, it hosted the temple of um uh oh, I just went blank, um, not Artemis, that's Ephesian, Ephesus, the temple of Aphrodite.

Is it another A1?

It hosted the temple of Aphrodite, and so sexuality was central to the people in Corinth.

In fact, it it would make, so I'm not saying all of Las Vegas is this way, but there's parts of Las Vegas that are a little seedy, right?

Um I know there's family-friendly spots, so don't I'm not hating on Las Vegas by any means, but it would make the somewhat seedy spots of Las Vegas feel more family friendly.

That was the culture in Corinth.

And the Apostle Paul speaks into this in such a way when he's writing it, it sounds as if he's writing to us in our day.

And the thing about it, isn't it true, is we kind of live with this historical snobbery that we think that we somehow are more enlightened and better and yada yada yada.

And actually, the reality is is we keep hitting the same things over and over again.

And the apostle Paul begins to help us understand how do we integrate our spirituality and sexuality.

If you got your Bibles, would you open up to 1 Corinthians chapter 6?

1 Corinthians 6 · chapter mention

1 Corinthians chapter 6, verse 12.

1 Corinthians 6:12

First thing he's gonna tell us is right up front, and we've already touched on it a little bit, the right to do whatever you want doesn't make whatever you want right.

You know that.

The right to do whatever you want doesn't make whatever you want to do right.

In fact, he says it this way I have the right to do anything you say.

That's what the Corinthians are saying.

I have the right.

Doesn't that sound American?

I have the right to do whatever I want, whenever I want, with whoever.

This is the Corinthians like mantra.

I have the right to do anything.

And then he says, Yeah, that's true.

But not everything is beneficial.

See, in fact, the right to do whatever you want doesn't make whatever you want right.

Right above that right, some of you are struggling, just write beneficial.

It doesn't make whatever you want beneficial, it doesn't make whatever you want the best.

You know, research, and we're gonna talk more about God's design, but research says abstaining from sex before marriage yields a higher rate of fidelity in marriage as well as the highest sexual satisfaction.

It kind of blows the sexually compatibility myth, by the way.

Like we have to make sure we're sexually compatible.

Uh, you know, I gotta test drive the car.

Okay, you just treated someone like a commodity, that's wrong.

Those who those married on average have more sex than those who are single, as well as more adventurous sex, that kind of whole idea, like you get married and you're sleeping with the same person over and over, and doesn't that get old and boring and dull?

Well, research.

This isn't Christian, this is just um unbiased research says this.

Cohabitation before marriage leads to 50% higher divorce rate than though than those who don't.

And so if you're going, like, you know, it's really expensive right here, and we're, you know, the culture is hook up and then shack up, and I mean, we gotta make sure we can live together.

I don't know how they do the toothpaste.

Squeeze in the middle or from the back?

I don't know.

I need to make sure the toilet paper roll is on the outside because that's God's intended way for the toilet paper roll to go.

And so we have to live together because they can do it once, but I want to see if they do it all the time that way.

It's so expensive.

It just makes sense, it just would be easier.

You have the right to do whatever you want, friends.

It just doesn't make whatever you want right or best or beneficial ultimately.

And God, in his heart and his design for you, is he's never wanting to withhold things from you.

He's just only wanting your very best.

I don't know if you remember when I said uh and when we kicked off the series in Live Your Truth, I gave the illustration of my daughter with the scissors.

Do you remember this?

And my daughter um was running around the corner with the scissors in her hand and the sharp end this way towards her eye, and it's like, don't! I grabbed the scissor out of her hand.

Why?

Because I'm an angry, mean dad that doesn't want my kid to have any fun.

No, and we all know that.

It's to keep her from harm because as much fun as she's having in the moment, harm, harm, near miss, near miss.

And that's God's heart for you relationally.

That's God's heart for you sexually.

The right to do whatever you want doesn't make whatever you want right.

Secondly, he's gonna redefine freedom.

And and friends, let's be clear.

How our culture has has actually redefined freedom, enlightenment forward, is very different than classically how freedom's been understood for much of human history.

And here's what he says freedom is.

He says, self-control, not self-indulgence, is a mark of freedom.

I have the right to do anything, but I'll not be mastered by anything.

You say, food for the stomach and stomach for the food, God will destroy them both.

The Corinthians are using the same uh illustration we use all the time of, you know, food and cravings to be gratified.

And our culture redefined freedom.

And here's what freedom is the ability to say yes in our culture today.

It's I I am able to say yes to that, yes to this, yes to that, yes to that.

Historically, biblically, classically, freedom has been the ability to say no.

See, if you can't help but say yes, you are mastered or controlled by that.

You have no option or no ability to do otherwise.

Um I love peanut MMs.

Um and if they are in the house, I can't help it.

I mean, literally, my son had some peanut MMs just for himself, and they were laying on the counter, and then I saw them, I knew they were his.

I ate them anyways.

And he's like, Dad, what happened?

I'll buy you some new ones.

Why?

Because I cannot say no to Peanut MMs.

I love them.

If they're in the house, I'm going to eat them.

Now, here's what I can say: I am free to eat as many Peanut M's as I can and as I want.

True.

The inverse is true.

I am not free to do otherwise.

See, so many of our yeses we don't realize, we're just simply mastered by it.

Anyone who's gone through AA or NA or the likes of a recovery and addict addiction recovery, they know it, they experience it, and we think it's just being able to say yes.

And he says, no, no, the ability to say no.

It's actually true freedom.

When I was in early junior high to high school, um, and into my college days, I got addicted to pornography.

And I still remember like the moment, like the the progression rather that happened.

I was about six or seven years of age, and uh I was at my uncle's house, and I remember going down to the basement.

My older brothers were watching a movie, I could tell you the movie, I could tell you the scene, and as I walked down, this scene popped up, and I saw this lady get out of bed and completely topless, and this six or seven, that like image is imprinted in my mind.

Like even as I'm telling it, I can still visualize it.

It's like stuck with me all these years later.

And it profoundly impacted me.

And then, you know, as internet came along, yes, that's when I was in, you know, late junior high, high school, and all of a sudden, then access, and I became just addicted.

I had the freedom to take in whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, but I was not free to do otherwise.

In college, as I was trying to follow Jesus and studying to follow, like share Jesus, this began to eat me up.

I even had like suicidal thoughts at times because it was like, man, I want to live this way, but I can't, and I was struggling.

And I remember this picture, it was a dream, and I just feel like God gave me this picture.

And as I saw, it was in this dream, and I remember I was walking into my dorm room, and as I walked into my dorm room, I opened the door, it was completely dark, and there was this little desk in my dorm room, and then my bed, and so right at this desk was a little boy, six or seven years of age, blonde hair.

It was me at that age.

And then there was the glow of the screen.

I just saw that little boy and the screen in the glow, and my heart was like, no, don't.

That's bondage, it feels good, it feels like freedom, but no, that's bondage.

And all of a sudden, for the first time, I began to understand how God saw me.

You know?

Because I think when we have those moments or those things that have either happened to us, and so we feel like damaged goods or things that we've done that we've been caught up in or been in, we feel like God's down on us, right?

We feel like he's angry with us.

We feel like, man, how could you?

And what were you doing, and what were you thinking?

We feel like God is that dad of that daughter that I just shared about, and he's just like frustrated with us.

And he sees me, and he sees you as that little boy.

No, no, no, I'm not angry at you.

I just want to scoop you up because I know the heartache and the pain that awaits you.

I know what's going on, and I want to bring you in, and I'm not down on you, and you're going down that I recognize that you're stuck and you can't get out, and I just so want to help you.

Oh, wouldn't it change the direction and the course of your life if you understood that is your heavenly father?

And so instead of running from him, you would run to him.

Instead of hiding from him, you would come out of hiding.

Instead of drawing away, you would be drawn near to him because he's your perfect, good, heavenly father who wants to welcome you, wants to hold you, wants to help and bring healing and restoration.

Integrating sexuality and spirituality, the right to do whatever you want doesn't make whatever you want right.

Self-control, not self-indulgence, is a mark of freedom.

Thirdly, Apostle Paul's gonna say, all of you, not just part of you, is meant for God.

All of you.

Notice what he says.

The body, however, is not meant for sexual immorality.

Sorry, he's got snot now everywhere, but for the Lord, and the Lord for the body.

By his power, God raised the Lord, speaking of Jesus, from the dead, and he will also raise us.

The Greeks understood the body to be bad and to be evil, and the spirit to be good.

And so the way they rationalize and understand things is you can do whatever you want with your body.

It does not matter.

It's inconsequential.

It's the spirit that matters.

And here's what Paul is saying is like, no, no, no, no, no.

It's all integrated.

You're not this like compartmentalized human, and there's just this part and this part over here.

Isn't that what we do in our day already today?

Isn't that the philosophy that we have?

And he's going, no, your body matters.

Jesus, he was raised physically from the dead, not just spiritually.

And those of us who followers of Jesus, we will be bodily, not just spiritually, raised from the dead.

Your body, my body, matters.

And there's this hunger and this longing, and it's not just like my mind, and it's not just my spirit, but all of me, all of you.

It's meant for God, and life makes most sense and works best when we align all of our life, all of our body in that order.

And then he goes on as a result of this, then sex, intimacy is more than just about sex.

It always has been, and we've always known it.

Flee, he says, from sexual immorality.

All other sins a person commits are outside their body, but whoever sins sexually sins against their own body.

And and right above sin or next to it, just right hurts harms.

Because we get hung up on the word sin.

It's just the things that harm us and harm others.

The things that bring brokenness to us and brokenness to others.

And God who loves you doesn't want you to harm you or others or be broken yourself.

That word sexual immorality is the Greek word pornea.

It is where we get our English word porn, but it's so much bigger than that.

It's it's the broadest term the apostle Paul can use.

It's literally anything outside God's design for sex and sexuality.

That's what he's meaning.

Flee from it.

Run from it.

Now, why do you flee from something, by the way?

You know this.

We run from things that if it catches us, it will take us over.

There are things that are in your life that you know that, man, there's some tendencies, there's some appetites.

I gotta run from peanut MMs.

I gotta keep them out of the house.

That's a silly example, but if it's in the house, it'll take me over.

He says, flee from this, because if you just try to resist it and just be strong, you will be taken over by this.

Well, what is God's design then for uh sex and sexuality?

Well, Genesis 2, you can jot down 24 and 25.

It's the framing of how God designed us in relationship.

And it's talking about Adam and Eve, the first humans, says, this is why a man leaves his father and mother.

It's united or cleaved or literally glued together.

That when we step into sexual relation with another person, it binds us in such unique and deeply spiritual and physical ways.

It's this glued together to his wife and they've become one flesh.

That God created sex to be expressed in this context of marriage between one woman and one man for all of life.

That is this covenant relationship.

Tim Keller says it this way sex is a God-invented way to say to another person, I belong completely and exclusively and permanently to you.

And then Jesus reaffirms the Genesis.

Now, if you ever follow the arc of the Old Testament, what you'll see is God outlines what you know relationships are supposed to be like, and then you just look at broken relationship after broken relationship after broken relationship.

And then Jesus reaffirms the original intent and design of how we are created and who we're created to be.

And so that sexual immorality, yes, it involves pornography, it involves any sex or sexual activity that's outside the covenant of marriage, and it's his heart and his desire for your very best.

You know, the illustration that always stuck out with me, and I don't know if it's um like I don't know if my dad came up with this or not, but I remember him teaching on this.

It was the image of a fire.

And and when we think about this, it was like the image of fire was always so helpful.

He's like in the context or in the framing of a fireplace, a fire brings a lot of great warmth and and um life, but in without that, in the middle of fire, uh in the middle of a forest, rather, it can create such harm and devastation.

And God says, this is something beautiful I created and long for you to experience, but it's gotta have the right context for it to be uh of benefit to your life.

All of you, not part of you, is meant for God's sex is more than just sex, and so as a result, and this is a shifting of how you think about yourself and every other human, uh, especially, well, rather every other follower of Jesus, your body is a temple of God.

He goes on and says, Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you receive from God?

You're not your own, you are bought at a price, therefore honor God with your body.

That your body, he's saying, is a temple of God.

Now, this was radical.

Think about in their day, in the Old Testament or in the Hebrew scriptures, you had the temple, and you would go to the temple to meet with God, and the temple was the place where there would just be this place where heaven and earth met and God resided in the temple, and you'd go there and you had to go there to meet with God.

And Paul's saying, No, under a new covenant, under what Jesus has done, you no longer go to a place, you now are the temple.

You're a walking temple of God.

Why?

Because the minute you say yes to Jesus, the Spirit of God then comes and lives and dwells inside of you permanently, empowering you to live out a new life.

And as a result, then you are a walking temple.

And the person you're dating is a temple, your body.

And so there's a way that you would care and nourish and honor and have reverence not only for your body, but others as well.

And so when you become a follower of Jesus, what you say is, I'm gonna lay down my rights to follow your ways.

Jesus said it this way: if anyone would come after me, he must take up a cross and follow me, that's sacrifice.

And then he goes on to say something incredibly profound that we miss or ignore.

If anyone wants to save their life, they'll lose it.

If you have a life geared towards you, your pleasure, your desires, your wants, your needs, you will lose it.

If you have a marriage geared towards your desires, your wants, your needs, all about you, you will lose it.

If you have a friendship geared towards your wants, your desires, your needs, all about you, you'll lose it.

Anyone who wants to save their life will lose it.

But whoever loses their life, not just for any reason, not to be a doormat, but loses their life for my sake, will save it.

That fundamentally in following Jesus, there is a profound no.

And in that, you actually experience what true life is all about to begin with.

In our culture, it's all about discovering yourself.

And Jesus says, deny yourself, and you'll truly discover who you were made to be.

And I think this is where this conversation many times, especially with my friends, uh, and I know we have many people in our life who love Jesus, walk with Jesus, and are in the LGBTQ community, and see and recognize the cost of discipleship in following him.

And I just so appreciate how Sam Alberry, who's same-sex attracted, wrote about this because he he puts it all on a level playing field for us to truly understand.

And he says this he says, we need to recognize the cost of discipleship for everyone, for many in our churches, or the cost of yeah, for many in our churches, the cost of discipleship for the LGBT plus background people looks cruel and unusual.

I suspect in most cases, that's because we're not counting the cost of discipleship in other areas.

Jesus says all of us have to say a profound no to some of our deepest longings and intuitions.

That is discipleship.

Jesus says it up front, he doesn't bury it in the small print.

The wonderful paradox of the Christian faith is that as we deny self, we become our real self.

I love how Deborah Hirsch, and she's got a great book called Redeeming Sex, and her story, just the opening introduction, is worth the price of the book, and you will cry through it as I did.

Every human being on the planet is sexually broken, she writes.

Everybody's orientation is disoriented.

Repentance involves accepting our broken condition and looking to the Savior, Jesus, fill, Jesus, to fill our gaps.

We cannot have it on our own terms.

We have to accept God's perspective on the human condition.

And simply going, Jesus, my marriage, it's surrendered to you, my sexuality, it's surrender to you, my singleness, it's surrendered to you, my attractions, it's surrendered to you.

God, you have your way in and through my life.

What does it look like to honor you with my body?

And so relational wisdom says this it's never been just physical.

But we already knew that.

Unfortunately, so many of us have scars to prove it.

It's never been just physical, and so I will honor God with my body.

Let me uh maybe give us some practical what does it look like?

How in the world do we do that, Brian?

Honor God with my body.

Well, for some, whether you're a man or a woman and you're struggling with pornography, it's actually to root that out of your life, to bring it into the light.

Here's the wonderful reality.

Some of you are like, I've never spoken this, I've been hiding this.

Your pastor just set it up front, so I'm pretty sure you're safe to talk about it around here.

Right?

But you then bring it into the light, you share it with uh someone to get accountability.

And to be honest, in this area, uh there's some people who've experienced like supernatural healing and they've never struggled with it.

That's wonderful.

That's not my story.

My story is it's a progression of moving from that moment in college of struggling and then finally getting honest and then putting things in my life so that I do not go down that path.

Okay, here's the reality back to I don't know why peanut MMs have made so much of a work through this entire sermon.

Here's my reality.

I to not have peanut MMs, they need to not be in the house.

And there's certain things that are in your house that need to not be there.

Because we keep keeping it in the house and wondering why we keep tripping over it, why we keep going back to it, why it keeps happening.

We keep keeping it in our pocket and wondering why in the world does it keep happening?

Oh God, oh God, and going like, no, let's be wise about this.

The apostle Paul would say it this way: make no provision for the flesh.

Make no provision for the flesh.

Like, how do you begin to set up things like on my phone, you have somebody else who has my wife who has the parental control?

You're an adult, but you have parental control.

Yeah, make no provision for the flesh.

How about you?

Get some help, share with someone, cut some things out of your life.

How about singleness and dating and engaged?

By the way, singles especially, but this is true for everyone.

There's this idea in this culture that you need to find someone to make you whole or to complete you.

And every person who's dating eventually realizes that person won't complete them.

And every married person is at some point going, like, wow, this didn't work to complete me.

Because no person will ever complete you.

That's not the design.

And Jesus was single, by the way, fully sexual because he is fully human and fully complete.

That's the savior we worship.

Instead of looking at the other person, looking like I'm lacking, you are not lacking anything at all.

It is such an incredible foundation when you go, okay, my wholeness is found in Jesus alone.

So if we're dating, how do how do we do this?

How do we navigate this?

Hey, we gotta resist hookup culture.

Like, hey, just because you go like, well, everybody's sleeping, that's just kind of what you do, and I don't want to be awkward and all like that.

Yes, so what?

I'd rather be awkward than have some of the pain and the scars, the hookup and the shack up culture.

That's not the ways of Jesus.

Well, then what do we do with that?

Well, let me give you what I call the dating guidelines.

And honestly, my youth pastor, so this is old, but I still use this to this, well, not use this today, but I use this in our dating, and I still give this so helpful.

These are guidelines.

You only one is like a chapter and a verse thing, but these are just wise ways to navigate the dating world.

The first guideline is simply this uh the bikini rule.

Don't touch anything in the bikini area.

So if you're dating, if you're engaged, if you're single and you're on a date, you get it.

You get guy and girl.

Whether over the clothes or under the clothes, don't touch it.

Keep your hands off.

Second thing is then the H factor.

H factor is the horizontal.

You're watching the movie, things are getting late, it's getting late at night, you're oh, we're just kind of getting a little horizontal.

All right.

It just gets you in a not good position for not good things if you're trying to live a pure life.

Bikini roll.

H factor.

Third one, nothing good happens after midnight.

By the way, you know this research confirms it.

You get dumber as it gets later.

Um, why do you think every um infomercial is like 2 a.m.

and beyond?

Because you're dumber.

And in that moment you just might buy it.

And they know it.

Why?

Because your inhibitions go down and your decisions get worse the later.

It gets.

And so you're going to make a predecision about how you're going to engage and how you're going to date.

Uh, and say, you know, I'm not going to do this, we're not going to do this, we're not going to go here.

And I know we want to hang out until you know the we hours and whatnot, but we're going to say there's an ending time, not because uh of anything, but we want the best for the other person.

And then Joe's secret weapon.

Joe's secret weapon, and this is where the chapter and verse, and if you know Joe, Joe is Joseph in the Bible.

And Joseph was a slave in Potiphar's household, and Potiphar's wife had a thing for Joe.

He was a good-looking man.

Uh, and she kept pressing the issue, kept trying to get after him, and eventually she cornered him one day and grabbed onto him and he ran.

And by running, she grabbed his clothes, he ran out naked.

It ended up really worse for him.

But ultimately, what was best if you read the end of the story at the end of Genesis.

And Joe's secret weapon is run.

Run.

Flee from sexual immorality.

Literally run.

This is not uh metaphorical.

This is literal run.

I remember there was a friend who he had an apartment in upstairs in downtown Capitola, and things were starting to get hot and heavy with him and his girlfriend, and they had just watched the movie, they already broke the bikini rule with H factor, and some codes are starting to come off.

And all of a sudden, what came through his mind was Joe's secret weapon, run.

And by the way, in those moments, there is just a sliver, there's a small window where you can make a rational decision, but it's small, and so the minute you have it, you gotta listen to it, and you run after it, and he go after it.

And so he literally heard run, and so he gets up.

He's in his, you know, yeah.

And um opens the door, down the stairs, cross the street, over to the wall, through the beach, into the ocean.

He ran.

That's one way to cool yourself off.

Literally, literally run.

My friend was sharing this story this last week as we're talking about the sermon, and she said that um she had to sing at her ex-boyfriend's wedding.

Awkward.

But here's what's amazing is it wasn't.

Obviously, they dated in high school, and I not obviously they dated in high school, and then he got married later in college, and then she was got to sing in her ex-boyfriend's wedding.

It wouldn't it be amazing if the person you dated, that you so honored them, that you could stand in their wedding and sing and be so for them, and there wouldn't be a hint of wouldn't that be incredible?

And don't you want that in the person that you date or marriage, and don't you want to be that type of person?

And don't we want to hold another person there?

That we would have that intent.

You're like, well, Ryan, I don't sing.

Well, great, just show up to a wedding and feel good about that.

Married, I didn't forget about you.

Don't supplement intimacy in your marriage, outside your marriage.

Looking for it, you're not getting your emotional needs met, you're not getting your physical needs met, or relational, and we begin to supplement and kind of parse things out, and don't bring in or bring others into the intimacy of your marriage.

It's tempting to look where you're at and see everybody else's lives online, or to see the TV and the movies, and to think you're missing out, isn't it?

And to think that the grass is greener somewhere else.

And if you think the grass is greener somewhere else, like someone once wisely said, then it's time to water your grass.

It's time to care and nurture for your grass.

And we're focused so much outside of looking there and critiquing it here instead of developing and nurturing and caring here, that you would foster and develop and grow.

And so would you ask this question?

How do I honor my body and your body as the very temple of God?

How do I honor my body that you're precious, you're valuable?

Like you're the very temple of God.

How do I honor your body that you're precious, you're valuable, that the very spirit of the living God is indwelling in you, and so there's an area and awe and a reverence of the way I'm gonna treat you where we treat one another and ourselves with that dignity, respect.

And as we close, I just think for some, there's there's this as we've been talking, and there's this area of things that have maybe been done to you that that have felt like this wave of shame that has just cast over your life, or things that you've done, and you're like, maybe it was last week or last month or whatever, and and you're just going like there's this wave of condemnation that's just like pouring in.

The apostle Paul would say this, therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, there's no guilt, no shame.

This is who you are.

No, you have a perfect heavenly father who loves you, who sees that little boy with the screen, who sees that little girl in that moment, and he's not going, What did you do?

How could you?

What's wrong with you?

What were you thinking?

God never uses those words with you.

Those are shame words.

He says, I just want to hold you.

I just want to bring you in.

I just want to take those broken pieces, those moments in your life, the things that you've hid, that you've never shared, that you've walked with, that that has hurt you, the things that others have done to you, that that you just felt like they caused you to be a damaged good.

It's just not true.

And he says, I just want you to bring it to me.

I just want to bring healing and wholeness and restoration in your life.

So once more, in this moment, would you instead, where we so often hide from God, would you come out of hiding?

Where we feel like there's condemnation and God's down on us, so we run from him.

Would you run to him?

Father with open arms.

The father that longs to embrace, to pour out his grace and mercy and love and healing in your life.

Would you stand with me as we pray and close?

Jesus, I just pray for my friends right now in this moment.

As we've been teaching and preaching your word, there's been different images and different moments that have just been popping up in people's minds.

And then there's words of condemnation and shame and hurt and pain, and even the way other Christians or pastors or leaders or parents or coaches have treated.

Right now, may your voice be louder and clearer than all the rest.

And God, I pray for the heart that is fragile and broken and desperate and needing, that it would come out of hiding, that you would overwhelm them with your love, your grace, your tenderness, your hope.

And we draw near to you and experience that the nearness of God is our good.

The nearness of God, no matter where you've been, what you've done, the nearness of God is your good.

In Jesus' name.

Amen.

We hope you are blessed by this message.

Please subscribe to our podcast for access to every episode as they're uploaded.

And hey, we'd love to connect with you.

Take a next step by filling out our virtual connection card at awakeningchurch.com slash card.