A Church for Every Child

Welcome to the Awakening Church podcast.

We pray this message encourages you and provides the hope and light of Jesus Christ.

Thanks for tuning in.

So, as I said before, this morning is Foster the City Sunday.

And Foster the City is an organization that started locally here to connect churches with families who are fostering kids, who are supporting kids, who are vulnerable right now, and they need a family, a safe, loving home to be in right now, as they are in a season of their life where it's not safe to be with their family, but that their families are working on reunifying their family together.

So that's a little bit about what foster the city is.

What our part in this is, that everybody can be involved in this somehow together.

And this is how we are able to reach our community.

This is one way that we're able to, you're gonna hear more from our speaker this morning, so I don't want to give away what she's gonna say, but that we are able to really impact our community in a variety of ways.

So you may be sitting there thinking, I cannot be a foster parent right now.

And that's totally fair because there's so many other ways to be involved in this to really um support kids who are in foster care, to support families who are caring for kids in foster care.

And so this morning we have with us um our friend from foster the city.

Her name is Kylie Middlebusher.

She is here as our guest speaker this morning.

She's been with Foster the City for eight years now.

She has uh four kids of her own.

One of them is a foster child right now.

So she works with Foster the City and she's also a foster mom.

So we're getting to see the whole spectrum of what this looks like from somebody who sees all sides of it.

And it's such a gift to have her here this morning.

And a little fun fact that I learned about her this morning is that she played college volleyball.

So she connects with us so well.

We're so excited to have her here.

Will you please welcome Kylie Middlebusher?

Good morning.

Thank you so much, Ashley.

She's so amazing.

I could just give her the microphone and let her take the rest of the Sunday.

I am so grateful to be here with each of you this morning, and I'm so grateful for the generosity of awakening in many ways, but one way by giving an entire Sunday during foster care awareness month to learn more about how we can engage and connect with families who are experiencing foster care.

I'm part of this ministry called Foster City, which means you're also part of this ministry because awakening is.

This is a mighty movement of churches who are responding to the crisis that there are far more children who have entered into foster care than there are safe and loving homes that can welcome them in.

This means children who have experienced abuse, neglect, who have seen unspeakable things in their own homes are now entering into a place where they are asking somebody else to be their parent for a while.

They're not asking, it's being told this is what needs to happen for your safety.

And sometimes they're landing in social worker offices, sometimes they're landing in group homes, they're being sent out of county and far away because there just are not enough homes here in our own neighborhood to welcome these children in.

But this is where the church comes in.

Because we have this organic, natural community where we gather on Sundays, we fellowship throughout the week, where we are a community of people who are here to usher in God's healing and his gospel and to love others so well.

And so we know that the church is a place where vulnerable and abused children can experience the healing touch of God.

Where we can bring in these children and let them know that they are the beloved sons and daughters of God.

And so I get to share this with you, both as Ashley said, as a foster mom myself, and as somebody who's just passionate about the local church.

I think the church is beautiful, and I'm so grateful for the church.

And so I find myself today on this Sunday.

It is foster care awareness month, and I get to speak on behalf of those who do not get to speak, as it says in Proverbs, the vulnerable children who aren't able to line up on the stage today and share their stories.

I get to stand on their behalf.

And so today I actually want us to dive into the book of Mark.

Um, I'll have a text on the screen behind me.

For those of you who don't have your Bibles or if you have your phones or a Bible with you, feel free to open it.

But we're just gonna focus on a couple small verses today.

Um we're gonna start with the story of Jesus healing the leper.

You can find this story in Mark 1, in Luke 5, Matthew 5.

I love that it's repeated throughout the Gospels, and I think it's a pretty profound story.

But Mark hits the ground running.

In chapter 1, we already have Jesus being baptized, going to the desert for 40 days of fasting, being tempted by Satan, um withstanding the temptation of Satan.

Jesus picks up his first few disciples, he heals many, and then we find ourselves in verse 40, where he heals the one.

Jesus encounters this man with leprosy.

Let's read the scriptures together.

Then a man with leprosy came to him and on his knees begged him, if you are willing, you can make me clean.

Moved with compassion, Jesus reached out his hand and touched him.

I am willing, he said, Be made clean.

Immediately the leprosy left him and he was made clean.

So for some of us who've been reading our Bibles for a long time, leprosy may be a pretty common uh illness that we're aware of, but for those of us who are a little bit newer, maybe you don't quite understand the significance of this illness.

This man was experiencing pain everywhere.

Soil, um his skin was hurting, he oftentimes they couldn't really feel well in their nerves, so they would lose fingers and toes and limbs, and it was just this chronic disease that plagued their body.

And oftentimes people believed the disease was because of a sin in that person's life, or even a sin of their parents.

So it was this generational thing in their family.

And also, if you have this disease, it's not just physically painful, it's also isolating.

You're withdrawn from society, you're not allowed to engage in the normal see of seeing your family, being with friends.

You're actually moved outside of the city walls and told to go live over there.

So we know that this man came to Jesus and was asking for healing.

But he was also asking to be restored back to his family, back to community in what he knows.

And I think for the first time in our lives, we probably have a little understanding of what this man was going through with this isolation when we think back to the early days of shelter in place and not being able to see our family, but at least we had the hope of an end date.

This man was sentenced for life to be living in isolation away from everybody else.

And so when I read back to these two verses in Mark, I find myself repeating verse 40.

It says he fell to his knees and begged Jesus to make him clean.

This posture that he was in and begging just peeks into the desperation this man felt.

And I even love that this morning when we were singing and worshiping, I wrote the lyrics down.

It says, When I fight, I fight on my knees, the battle belongs to you.

It was almost like that was the posture he was in.

And what did Jesus do?

His response was profound.

He was moved with compassion.

Now, this word compassion can literally be translated to suffer with.

And I've read that emotion researchers, which that's a really great role, I didn't know that was a thing.

Um, they define compassion as the feeling that arises when you are confronted with another's suffering and you feel motivated to relieve that suffering.

So it's not just the emotions and the feelings, but it's me saying, I'm here to help.

Let me be a be somebody who carries this burden alongside you or removes it from you.

And that's exactly what Jesus did.

He was fully present with this man.

He felt what this man felt.

I for I believe that.

I believe he felt with that compassion heart of Jesus and said, Let me take this from you.

And he healed the man.

In this story, Jesus is teaching us right here how to welcome compassion as an invitation into action.

Anybody in this room who's been a Christian for more than five minutes knows and will testify that when we operate out of duty or law, or maybe the more word that we use nowadays is like religion, a religious spirit, religious heart, it does not sustain us.

Our heart has to break for what breaks God's.

So we need to be moved by compassion, not duty, not law, and step into where God's calling us.

And that's the only way we'll be able to be sustained and stay in it.

Something else I love about the story is how Jesus ushered in the miracle.

Anybody catch that?

What did he do?

He didn't speak the healing like he does in previous chapters and parts of the gospel.

He doesn't tell the person what to do, get up and pick up your mat and walk.

No, he physically touches the man first.

He does what society says you cannot do.

Jesus actually, it was making himself unclean to do that by the law of that time.

And yet he touched the man and said, be made clean, and the man was healed.

I think that when we look at this story, we know that because we are made in the image of our Father and we see what Jesus did, that we too can be moved by compassion and intervene on behalf of others.

And honestly, guys, this is not something new.

I'm sharing this with you because you are believers, you love Jesus too.

So this is part of your identity and who you are.

And this is true of how the Christian church has been for many, many years.

When we can look in the book of Acts and see how the church was selling things and so aware of others' needs that they gave what they had to love others and meet their needs.

We can see in history books that all throughout history the Christian church was known as the same.

In fact, there was a practice that happened in the early church time where when a child was born, they were placed at the feet of their father.

And the father had two choices.

One, he could stoop down, pick up the child, quite literally raise them up.

That's where we get that phrase, raising up your child.

And he could accept that child into his family and say, Yes, you are my child.

I legitimize you.

Or he could look at the child, step back, and carry on his way.

Maybe the child was the wrong gender, maybe it was the wrong timing for their family to grow.

Maybe there's a disability or some reason why the parent did not want a child right now, and that child would be scooped up and brought outside the city walls to be left with the elements and to die.

This was perfectly legal and acceptable and practiced all throughout the time.

And the people who said no to this were Christians.

And so in the nights and during various times of the day, they would go out and listen for the cries of the babies.

And they would grab the children, bring them home, and raise them up as their own.

This is our legacy.

And I think the most beautiful part, heartbreakingly beautiful part of this, is this isn't just an ancient practice.

This is happening today.

But instead, we do not have to go out into the city and listen to the cries of the children because social workers are telling us right where they are.

They're giving us the names and telling us who these children are that need to be placed into a safe and loving home while their parents get the help they need.

And we get to take it one step further because in the past, these children were abandoned by their family.

Today, these children are not abandoned, they're not orphans.

And so while we have the cries of the children that we get to hear crying for help and the social workers telling us where they are, we also get to hear the cries of their parents.

Because these families are facing things of addiction, abuse themselves that they've experienced all throughout their lives, or maybe this is how they were raised, and this is the only way they know how to parent.

It's generational cycles that we get to step into and disrupt and usher in some of God's healing.

And so when we partner with families, we get to see firsthand that God is a God who redeems stories.

And even back in um the text of Mark 1, where it talks about uh Jesus was moved by compassion, there's some translations that say Jesus was moved with indignation.

His anger was not at the man or for asking for the miracle, but it was it was at the brokenness of this world.

And I think that's who we get to be as Christians in this moment.

We get to be moved with this compassion into action, feel this indignation, and that as people who see what Jesus did, we get to go do it for ourselves.

Because these families are worth it and they are loved and they are precious as well.

And I can stand up here and share story after story of how we've seen God redeem stories and people's lives.

But instead, I would love to step away for a minute and share about my friend Lauren.

I remember taking my pipe and just putting it on the floor and just stepping on it, and I was like, I'm done.

And um, and a month later, Madison was born on her due date, which I don't know how that happened, because I had done everything you're not supposed to do while you're pregnant.

And on the third day, they took they took my daughter and they said we'll be right back.

And they never they never came back.

I went down almost every street around the hotel and just cried and just didn't know where to go.

And I didn't want to go back to the motel because I had the mo I had my room in the motel all set up with um a crib and clothes, and I just felt so alone and lost.

I was advised to be cordial but confidential because the bio mom was hostile to the first foster parents.

So obviously, not really what I wanted to hear.

They said be confidential, so I thought, is it bad if she even knows my name?

So when I met Lauren, you know, I didn't know what to expect, but as soon as we started talking, she felt at ease with me.

I was on my first unsupervised visit with my daughter.

I was feeling so nervous.

I have my daughter, and we are we we can go wherever we want, and we can be back at this certain time.

We can we can spend this time alone that I haven't had.

She goes to my car and we're driving, and Madison starts crying, and she starts crying and crying and crying, and I start crying and crying, and we're both holding each other, and we're just crying, and I knew she didn't want me.

So I met them at uh Trader Joe's parking lot, and uh we're at we're in the parking lot, and I'm just crying and holding Madison, and and Brian puts his hands over me while I'm crying, and he just prays he prayed for me, and I don't know what he said, but when he was done, all the guilt was taken away.

All the guilt was taken away.

Because when she was crying, it wasn't just a kid crying, all I heard was everything I did while I was pregnant.

Everything I did, I everything I did to put her in a position to be crying.

When we first got into foster care, we thought we were gonna start doing it.

Um it was just the focus was just all about the children and about you know saving children.

We didn't we didn't have any other really focus until we went to the our agency's training, which was really good.

Um and they they kind of like enfolded us into the whole process of of dealing with, you know, the there's a family that's broken, and you're there, not just for the children, but you know, there's an entire family that's out there that's gonna be hurting.

Out of the blue, I got a text message from her, which which made me cry.

Um she just text me, you know, Bethany, I need God and I want Madison to know Jesus.

And I'm like, I called her right away.

Um I was like, we gotta we gotta talk about you're making me cry.

She's like, why?

And I'm like, because it's just like this is absolutely amazing.

And then to hear how God has just been working on her heart.

Um was it was exciting.

And she wanted to learn more.

She's hungry and thirsty, and so we've been doing Bible study together.

She started going to church, she found one, they they got connected in there, and so it's been amazing to see God at work.

They were my support.

Bethany and Brian were my main support throughout this whole case after they got Madison.

They carried me.

They carried me, they believed in me.

My relationship with them is still growing, and I love them so much, I consider them to be my family.

I get my advice from Bethany.

I watch her family because I want what she has, and I want what her family has, and I want what how her family is.

I want that for my family.

You think about walk by faith and not by sight and going into fostering.

We had a lot of questions, we had a lot of doubts, concerns, fear.

Um, there's a whole lot of emotions, and you almost don't want to do it, but you want to do it.

Um and the things we feared most, I feel like didn't come to pass.

We were so afraid that it would blow up on our faces and that it would be the worst experience ever for our family.

And it it hasn't been that way.

I think we're always afraid to obey the Lord because we don't know what the cost will be.

But in following Christ, the cost is always worth it.

It really ends up being no cost.

I'm like, we've gained more than how to, you know, put out kind of thing.

And God is always so gracious in that way.

Um, so you know, I don't know why we get so afraid, but yeah, we do, and we're gonna continue to grow um in those things.

But God is is so kind.

He's so kind in his dealings with us.

Yes, it's a story, absolutely.

When I think of the gift that Brian and Bethany gave to Lauren and her daughter, it's the gift of the sacrificial love to love her right where she was and unconditionally, and to champion her on peace.

I know Lauren's story, I've met her and heard her story.

There's more to it where she was up against every statistic, uphill battle, and many times they're like, she should not have had reunification happen.

And yet God worked a beautiful miracle in her life.

And when I look at their lives, I think of James 1.27.

I think that religion that our father, God, our father accepts as pure and faultless is this to look after the orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

I think uh I know I just said these are not orphans and these children have homes, but really in this time when the scriptures were written, uh, orphans and widows were more terms of just people with no covering, uh, women and children.

Often was a man who needed to come and establish some family patriarchy of like, this is our family, this is who I provide for.

And so when we look at the modern day term of foster care, it's children whose parents are not able to cover them for now.

And so I think this map this matches pretty closely when we think of these children who need to be cared for and in their distress.

And then when I think of even carrying in the scripture, the second part is really what sticks out to me is that I think that when we think of not being polluted or untainted by the world and standing apart, right, as Christians, we're called to live in this world, not of it.

There's so many things we talk about oftentimes that we're here to usher in the gospel.

But sometimes we only focus on the big things and we forget that even things like comfort can be a problem if we're not using it for God's glory.

Am I worried about my family getting everything all in order and I've got my little family secure right here?

Or am I willing to be inconvenienced in the name of the law of God's love and care for my neighbor in a way that honestly ushers in chaos into my home because I will tell you right now, as a foster mom, I am welcoming in chaos into my home when I say yes to these children who've come from abuse and neglect in hard places, and when I am also welcoming in their biological family and encouraging and cheering them on.

Oftentimes we have a chance to see God redeem stories, but it's at a great cost to ourselves.

And I want to share a quick story with you guys.

My family and I were currently foster parents.

My husband and I, we have three children, are nine, seven, and four and a half, and then we have our little guy right now who we're fostering, he's 18 months old.

Um, but we weren't always foster parents.

We actually started off in this role of a support friend.

And it's this person who shows up and meets practical needs for a foster family, emotional, spiritual needs of a foster parent while they're fostering.

And so there's been a few times where I've really witnessed this beauty of God ushering in his healing touch.

And in foster care, healing touch we call attachment.

And so we were matched with a single mom.

She was fostering, thought she was gonna wait till she's married, had some kids of her own, and instead, God asked her, just trust me with your story and say yes.

So she became a foster parent.

And one of the ways we served her was we picked a little guy up from daycare and take him home, feed him, bathe him, put him in his jammies, and bring him over so she'd get a night of relief without having to do the bedtime routine.

And one of the times we'll call him Baby M, he came into our home and I have a picture of him and my son.

They're actually almost the exact same age, just a few days apart.

And they became little buddies.

And one of the days that they were over, my husband and I were running around, and we dropped the babies into their playpen and went to go get snacks, and my son lost his mind.

If I step out of that room, lost his mind.

Baby M was silent.

Didn't think much of it at the time, maybe thought he wasn't hungry.

And time and again, every time I set them down and left the room, my son would lose it, and baby M was silent.

And I started to remember that babies who've experienced neglect oftentimes learn to stop crying for help because people aren't gonna come to meet their needs.

And it's not my job as a support friend to ask questions or details about the child's life or why they're in foster care.

But I also know that when kids do experience neglect, that is an outcome.

I also know that sometimes kids' needs are being met, but when they come into foster care, it's so traumatic.

It's strangers all around me.

Who is safe?

Who can I trust?

Who can I cry out to?

And so they remain silent.

It should not have to be this way.

It's that righteous indignation.

And so while we were playing with little baby and putting him down and observed this, I just started praying and asking God, just keep healing this baby.

And a couple months later, uh, he came back into our home again for the same thing, picked him up, cared for him.

And the minute I set him down to go grab sippy cups and snacks, he starts wailing.

I mean, he just lets it loose.

And so I just scoop him up and I've got you.

And I didn't even realize it for a minute until my then four-year-old, she said, Mommy, when baby M first came to our home, it's like he wasn't used to being held and he didn't cry for you.

But now it's like he loves to be held and he cries out when you leave.

What my four-year-old was saying was, this baby's being healed and he's trusting, and he's being restored and made new.

And this is a reminder that while Jesus walked the earth, he was the source of healing.

He was touching, he was speaking healing.

We saw it happen, he was multiplying it through his disciples, and yet he's not here anymore.

And so he, but we can also see throughout the Bible, he's consistently using people.

That is also a characteristic of God.

He's willing to use us to usher in his healing.

When we look in the Old Testament, we see Moses telling God, I'm not worthy, I can't do this, and yet God used him to free the Israelites.

We see Esther saying, I can't do this, and family says, You were made for such a time as this.

And she spoke up so her people could defend themselves.

We see Peter walked with Jesus and denied him three times.

And yet God still used him to build his church.

This isn't the beauty of the Christian faith.

Time and again, seeing people say, I could never do that.

And then God says, Welcome in.

I'll tell you right now, I could never love a child as my own and give them away.

And yet, that's where we are right now, looking at my husband and saying, He's this little boy's only been with our home for a few months, and already we're gonna have to picture a day where he's not here.

My heart being broken is worth it for his heart to be healed.

And baby M and uh Lauren's story, these are one, two stories of hundreds, if not thousands, of stories here just in the Bay Area.

The statistics of kids who enter into foster care and do not experience that healing attachment, who do not have a family, a person that they're bonded to, are dire.

I'd love to share some of these statistics with you.

Kids who are in foster care and age out with that adult, 71% of girls become pregnant before they're even 21 years old.

And I've heard that when those women were interviewed, it was because they needed family so desperately, they decided to make their own.

Substance abuse, 50% of kids who age out will have substance abuse.

Unemployment rates, trafficking, 60% of kids who were pulled out of a sex traffic ring spent time in foster care.

I was talking to a foster mom and she said the teen at her home casually mentioned on a car ride from school or somewhere, oh, uh a John reached out to me.

He said he'll be my daddy, he'll be my family.

She says, a year ago, I probably would have said yes.

But not so much after being in this house with you, in this home.

We see homelessness, a third of all children who age out of foster care become homeless.

These are crises here in the Bay Area that we care deeply about, and we see the church intervening.

We see un we see ministries for unhoused, we see teen pregnancies and substance abuse and celebrate life.

There's so many things that we see happening that the church is involved in, and we need the church to stay there.

But also, what if we went upstream and cared for these kids who are statistics that will end up here?

Because I really believe that the best way to see a transformed city, a transformed San Jose tomorrow is by caring for these vulnerable children who are experiencing foster care today.

I think we can do it.

And I think you can too because we're here today talking about it together.

And I believe that Awakening Church believes that we can be the solution.

That this church right here, this is where you come in.

We can see the shift and trajectory of where there'll be more than enough families to welcome in children who are experiencing foster care.

These are our neighbors, and these are the least of these who God has called us to care for.

And when I think of us saying yes instead of saying no to our neighbors and turning them away, I think of a beautiful picture of the gospel.

This is where you come in.

This is where you step in to your legacy as Christians, being like Jesus, being led with compassion and moved into action.

Because we believe that a foster family, there is a church for every child.

And if you believe that, it's because you'll be moved by compassion into action and we'll be able to see that waiting list of foster families become prevalent so that children have a place to go.

I recently read a statistic that said 3% of all practicing Christians are foster parents.

I praise God for those 3%.

But we're at a deficit.

We need more foster families.

And the completion of the statistic says that 31% of Christians have at some point thought seriously about becoming a foster parent, but have not taken that action.

So if the statistic is true, that means 90% of Christians who felt moved by compassion actually were moved with empathy and did not take that action.

And I think it's because of this missing piece.

We are not called to do life alone.

I could not be a foster parent by myself.

I need to do this in the context of community, of people who are supporting me, raising me up, holding me, and preaching the vision of caring for vulnerable children back to me on the hard days.

There's many reasons why people will not step into this.

Bethany shared some of it.

Sometimes it's fear or concern of where we are in our lives.

But I've heard time and again that foster parents who have seen this model said, oh man, foster parents who are burnt out.

Foster parents from decades ago who stopped fostering say, I could have fostered a lot longer if I had this.

And so I can tell you right now, personally, today I would not even be up here if it wasn't for my support friends arranging child care for my sick children to help out.

Support friends who drop off a meal for me on night when social workers are coming over into my home after an already busy day of school and visits and everything else.

Or even support friends coming to watch my kids for a couple hours so I can process some of the grief or the change in the case that applies to this little boys in my home.

Or sometimes a support friend just to come in and watch my kids so I can finish a cup of coffee while it's still hot.

Can I get an amen from the parents of young children?

The gift is that the invitation into foster care is an invitation to do this together.

You will not be alone.

You will not be isolated, you will not be asked to do hard things by yourself, you'll do it in the context of a support friend community.

And so if you feel yourself today being compelled to become a foster parent, praise God.

I'm so grateful for you.

We need you.

And if you feel yourself compelled today to become a support friend, praise God.

We need you.

All these rules are so important to the life of a child staying in a home that can sustain their needs.

Because when kids come in from experiencing things like maybe no boundaries, or a teenager comes in that's never had boundaries put around a cell phone, hasn't experienced attachment and love, it might be really difficult.

Not might, it will be really difficult.

There will be hard days, and we need support friends to sustain our families.

And so the beauty of the invitation that I'm offering you today is that I'm not asking you to say yes to all of foster care either.

If you're one of those people who said, I think I'm called to be a foster parent, but I'm scared to say it out loud because she might show up at my house tomorrow with a child, I will not.

I will not.

I am not here to say yes to everything.

I'm asking you to say yes to the next step.

And so I would love to invite you to an interest meeting.

So this is where we guide and direct our people to go to their next step of just saying, I want to learn more about what it means to be a foster parent.

I want to learn more about what it means to be a support friend.

And even here at Awakening, we have a role.

Ashley was up here, she's our advocate, she's leading the ministry here at Awakening.

But we want to grow that team too.

We're better together.

And so I would love to ask you just where is the Holy Spirit prompting you today?

You can scan this QR code for those of you who love technology, for those of you who maybe prefer paper, we're gonna be out at the table, and we would love to just invite you to that next meeting, that next step, or if you have any questions, Ashley and I will be out there to answer them.

And just something that I want to share is um I think proximity to the crisis matters too.

Sometimes we feel like the statistics are overwhelming, the numbers are too great.

What can I do?

How can I offer what I have?

But I want I was driving by Awakening just a couple days ago and just praying and praising God for this church, and really I was praising God for the location of your church.

Because while sometimes the crisis of foster care feels very far to us, I want you to know that I know of families just streets away who are experiencing foster care.

It's not another person's problem.

It's our city, it's our neighborhood, it's our people.

So I would love to meet you, get to know you, chat with you at the table, or meet you at our next interest meeting where you just are taking that next step to learn a little bit more.

I cannot wait to hear how God continues to move through this beautiful church of awakening.

And before I close out, I just want to read a blessing to you.

This is a um from St.

Teresa of Avila.

And it's this Christ has no body but yours.

No hands and no feet on earth but yours.

Yours are the eyes with which he looks compassion on this world.

Yours are the feet with which he walks to do good.

Yours are the hand with which he blesses all the world.

Yours are the hands, yours are the feet, yours are the eyes, yours are the body.

Christ has no body now but yours.

We hope you were blessed by this message.

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