Power of Words | Pastor Chris Kouba

How are we doing?

It is good to see you here today.

I want to just take an opportunity to read a verse to you before we get going today.

It has absolutely nothing at all to do with the message.

I just feel prompted in light of the song that we just sang in the week that I know I had.

And maybe I can imagine just by statistics alone, perhaps what maybe you are coming off of, maybe perhaps what you're walking into, whatever it may be.

I want to read this verse of truth over you.

And hopefully let it sit on you today.

Proverbs chapter 18, verse 10.

Proverbs 18:10

The name of the Lord is a strong tower.

Like when everything else is moving, when everything else is shifting, when everything else feels like there's no control, when it feels like the wheels have fallen off, the name of the Lord is a strong tower.

Here's what it says.

Here's what it says.

For some of you, perhaps you're walking in a situation of unknown, of uncertainty, of grief, of despair, of challenge, of difficulty, of conflict, whatever it may be.

And I want you to know this.

I don't know how it's all gonna work out, but I know this.

The name of the Lord is a strong tower.

And the righteous man can run into it and be safe.

Grab your Bibles, open them up to Proverbs chapter 25, please.

Proverbs 25 · chapter mention

Proverbs chapter 25.

Proverbs 25 · chapter mention

I want to add my word of greeting to Pat's earlier.

My name is Chris Kuba, and I have the privilege of being a lead pastor at I Believe the greatest church uh around.

Uh God is moving in pretty profound ways.

I'm sure Pat bragged a little bit about what took place even this past Wednesday.

On Tuesday night, though, we had the largest number of young adults we've ever had gather uh at our church as well, which was just a pretty cool thing.

God's moving in our young adult ministry as well.

Uh this afternoon, pray for us.

And also, if you want to stay for something pretty cool, I invite you to do that.

We've got a uh culture day in our Espanol ministry.

We meet at 1 o'clock for Espanyol, one church in two languages.

And there are 11 different countries that are gonna be represented this afternoon that are all gonna basically bring food and dishes from their country that are gonna be bringing to this particular day.

So, like we English speaking people, potluck, they do it really well, though, right?

Like that's that's a whole nother level, right?

Uh but a cool thing, it's guest worship leader is gonna be a part of that.

And it's also one of the largest guest events that we've had historically, which has only been one time.

Uh, but we're praying that that's the case yet again.

Be praying for Pastor L.

uh.

as we pray God's gonna move in a pretty profound way.

I want to take this opportunity to welcome all of the men and the women at our correctional facilities.

Let's give them a hand and celebrate these that get to join our services today.

I read an article in the Washington Post this week that I found super intriguing based upon the holiday season.

Here was the title of the article, What Not to Talk About at the Thanksgiving Table.

What not to talk about at the Thanksgiving Table is a really interesting article because it talked, first of all, about the fact that 70% of families don't even eat together at all.

Like they always are all the time, 70% of the time, they're eating out in general.

Uh and so because of that, there's this lost art of the family table.

In addition, they said that only one in three families eat together more than twice per week.

You then take that number, and it's like even more uncommon whenever you add extended family to the mix.

So, generally speaking, what happens is that Thanksgiving is a time when all of the extended family gets together.

They haven't been together in at least a year, right?

And when they get together, they just kind of start assessing each other.

They start looking up and seeing who's gained weight this year, who's lost a little bit of weight this year, who's maybe changed some of their quirkiness and gotten even a little bit more quirky, right?

You know, you begin to think through stuff like that.

Who's changed their beliefs?

Who's aged this year, right?

And again, you're not you're not going to be saying these things, but you're definitely thinking these things, right?

Along the way.

And it's suggesting that what you do is it's basically a powder keg moment for an explosion.

Because basically, you have all of these thoughts that you want to say.

Inevitably, somebody says something that they're not supposed to, and it just causes conflict because you're not even used to being together in the first place.

This article suggests a few things that you should not say at the Thanksgiving meal.

First of all, it says you shouldn't talk about what others are eating.

So no judgment and being like, are you really gonna eat that?

Are you really are you really gonna eat that?

Seriously?

You you should probably hold off on that, right?

Don't don't say those words, okay?

Uh it says that you shouldn't ask students about their grades.

Any students would be appreciative of that, right?

Any of you, okay?

It says that you shouldn't ask them about their school problems.

You shouldn't ask your children, your kids about their college plans at the Thanksgiving meal.

You should avoid asking about having kids.

Hey, you guys gonna give me some grandkids this year?

What's the deal, right?

Don't say that, all right?

Also, don't say this.

Hey, you think you're gonna get married at any point?

Like, is this a thing that's in your future?

Like, don't say those words, all right?

It said, for sure at all costs, avoid discussing politics, okay?

Just don't bring politics up.

I'm sure there's other things that I'm not thinking of that you would say you want to make sure don't get discussed at your Thanksgiving meal.

So here's what we're gonna do.

I'm gonna count to three, and on the count of three, I want you to say out loud what you don't want to talk about this week, all right?

One, two, three.

Some of you should never talk about those things, okay?

Much less this week for sure.

All right.

Now that we got that out of the way, I want to continue this morning in a sermon series called At All Cost.

And the goal of this series is to basically give you a number of different proverbs about three different topics with the goal of helping you make better decisions.

We're reading from what's called the wisdom literature.

These are the books of the Bible that are designed to give you wisdom if you not only read them and hear them, but you apply them.

And what we're gonna do is we're gonna take the approach, not of a rifle shot, but instead of a shotgun, which means this I am gonna shoot a lot of verses at you over the course of this message today.

In fact, I encourage you to take notes.

I encourage you to get your phone out, take pictures of the references that you would write these things down, and let it be an opportunity for you to begin to dwell and think about some of these things, even long after our gathering here today.

And hopefully, you will be able to apply some of these things that can help you this week as you head into Thanksgiving.

Because let's be honest, spending time with family, particularly extended family, is an opportunity for speech to become something that is very intense and can be very destructive.

How many times has a family meal been ruined because somebody says the wrong thing at the wrong time?

Or perhaps somebody says the right thing, but they say it in the wrong way.

And as a result of that, there is conflict.

I want to start and launch out from Proverbs chapter 25, verse 11, and then we're gonna give a whole lot of other references going from there.

Proverbs 25:11

Proverbs 25, 11 reads like this.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

A word fitly spoken is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

The main idea I want you to walk away with today that hopefully you can apply this week is this.

The right word spoken at the right time in the right way has great power.

The right word spoken at the right time, in the right way, has great power.

It mentions there a word fitly spoken.

We're gonna look at what the word fitly spoken means.

I would argue it means a right word in a right time in the right way.

But what I want to do first is look and examine the result.

It says that the result of a fitly spoken word is like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

First of all, let's break this down.

We know what gold is.

Gold, of course, is a precious metal.

It is something that is used as a standard and a weight to be able to determine the amount something is worth.

Gold is something that we love so much, we we put it up in our homes or we wear it on our persons, right?

It is something that is considered to be extremely valuable.

It says here that if you speak a word fitly spoken, it's not that you just get like a chunk of gold, although any of us would love any amount of gold in any way that we could receive it.

Instead, it says there that you can get apples of gold.

I don't typically think of apples as a way to measure something, or an apple as something that would be a shape upon which something would be formed that I would receive.

However, what I don't want us to miss is the fact that an apple of gold means this.

It is not just a random blessing, but instead it is a specific, handcrafted blessing.

There's specificity to it, there is uniqueness to it.

It was painstakingly worked on so that it comes out as an apple of gold, is what it says.

That would be enough in and of itself, but it goes on even further to say it's like apples of gold in a setting of silver.

This week I love Thanksgiving because what you do is you get together and you basically eat on plates that you never eat at the rest of the year, and you use silverware that you don't use the rest of the year, right?

At least that's what we do at our house, right?

It's like you pull out the nice china and you pull out all the silverware, and I love it because it's always really nicely, eloquently displayed, and it's got all this great setup for you to go eat at the big kid table, right?

And you get to go to the big kid table and you eat this really, really nice meal.

And one of the things that I always love is the fact that you not only have this beautiful display at the Thanksgiving table, but at least at our house, what we also do is we bring out the chargers.

I don't know if y'all have chargers at your house.

What we have is chargers, and these chargers are basically nicer than any plate we normally eat at the rest of the year.

But the point of a charger is not actually to be used as something that you eat off of.

The whole point of the charger, even though it is a beautiful plate in and of itself, is to be there so that the the extra nicer plate that we're gonna eat off of can sit on top of it.

Meaning the whole point of the charger is to display the beauty of the thing that's on top of it.

What it says here is that a word fitly spoken is not just like a random piece of gold.

It's like an apple of gold in a setting of silver.

I wear a silver ring right now.

I like silver.

Silver is a beautiful metal.

It's again something that again, we we love and we attain and we think is very, very valuable.

And here's what it's saying: it's saying if you say the right word at the right time in the right way, it's like an apple of gold sitting on a charger of silver to display its beauty for everybody to see.

For you to be able to receive in a powerful way.

Let's break this down a little bit and talk this through.

First of all, I want you to look at the right word.

The right word.

What makes a word fitly spoken?

I would argue that it's the right word in the right way, spoken at the right time.

The first idea, though, is what makes a word fitly spoken and be the right word?

First of all, I would say that it's got to be truthful.

Proverbs chapter 12, verse 17 says, Whoever speaks the truth gives honest evidence, but a false witness utters deceit.

Proverbs 12:17

Verse 19, truthful lips endure forever, but a lying tongue is but for a moment.

One thing that's very important for you to consider is this if you want to have good, healthy relationships with other people, you can't do it when you lie to them.

It's just reality.

Yet so often what happens is that we find ourselves shading the truth a little bit here and shading the truth a little bit here.

Yeah, I didn't do it exactly like this, and I didn't do that, and all on it, and you begin to find yourself in a web of lies you never intended to be, and now all of a sudden there is a break in the relationship.

Why?

Because honesty doesn't exist.

Proverbs chapter 12, verse 22 lying lips are an abomination to the Lord.

Proverbs 12:22

But those who act faithfully are his delight.

Have you ever found yourself personally, or maybe you've got a friend that you've seen that this is the case, and they are someone who is a habitual liar, and they've said a lie to somebody else to cover up something that they didn't want somebody else to know, and then they they had to all of a sudden then lie about who they lot what they lied about, and then they kind of go through this whole web and you look up and it's exhausting because you can't even remember all the people that you've lied to and what lies you told along the way, and so therefore you spend all of your time spinning your wheels trying to get your story straight.

Can I tell you what's a whole lot easier?

The truth.

You want to know why?

Doesn't change.

Like living in a place of honesty and openness, even though it may be difficult at times, is easier to live.

Here's why, because you don't have to remember what you said to somebody else that wasn't true.

Said you can be honest about your words and the things that you say.

If you want to have a healthy marriage, if you want to have healthy relationships with your parents or your kids, if you want to have better communication, it will never happen if you are not speaking the truth.

Part of speaking the truth is also not gossiping.

Gossiping may start as a rumor, but when it is not the right word spoken at the right time in the right way, it's sinful.

Proverbs 16, verse 28: a dishonest man spreads strife, and a whisperer separates close friends.

Proverbs 18, verse 8, the words of a whisperer are like delicious morsels.

Proverbs 18:8

They go down into the inner parts of the body.

Let's be honest, gossip is fun.

Like it's enjoyable.

Like there's a reason that we're tempted to do it.

Because we want to know what's going on in the lives of our kids.

We want to know what's going on in the person's house down the street.

We want to know what's going on in the office.

We want to know what's going on with other people in our grade.

We want to know what's going on in that relationship that we see over there.

We want to know what's happening in other situations, and therefore it is very easy to be drawn into the web of gossip.

Trimper Longman, who's a commentator, he says this rumors are negative reports about other people based on uncertain evidence.

They are spread to injure people, not to help them.

Gossip may ultimately turn out to be true, but that does not exonerate those who speak it to others.

If true, then the report is being given to inappropriate people at an inappropriate time.

It doesn't matter where the gossip comes from.

It could come from conversations, it could come from text messages, it could come from social media.

It doesn't make it right.

Well then the question naturally becomes, well, what do I do?

Because I don't want to be a gossiper.

I don't want to have gossip shared with me.

However, people just kind of come to me and they tend to tell me things.

What am I supposed to do when someone tells me something that I'm not supposed to hear?

You would all do well, myself included, to memorize and to hear loudly the words of Proverbs chapter 26, verse 20.

Proverbs 26:20

Here's what it says.

For lack of wood, the fire goes out.

And where there is no whisperer, the quarreling ceases.

For lack of wood, the fire goes out.

And where there isn't a whisperer, the quarreling ceases.

You want to know how to put out a wood fire?

Don't put any more wood on it.

So here's the thing: you may not have any control whatsoever over what people do or what people say to you, but you do have control over what you do with what they told you.

And as a result of that, what the scriptures are giving us wisdom here is to say that we are to be people who don't perpetuate the fire.

Instead, a word fitly spoken is not a whisperer.

Can you believe what happened over there?

Can you believe what they did?

Did you see?

Did you hear about so-and-so?

Man, so-and-so, they they they they told me that they were walking through some stuff and and and on and on.

And here's what you're doing: all you're doing is you're just letting the fire go.

And so while you cannot control what is being said to you, you can control what you do with it.

And what I have discovered is this if you stop letting people dump their trash on you, they eventually go find somewhere else to dump their trash.

So don't be a trash dump.

Don't be a place where you can listen to all the different negativity that is out there about other folks that are unsumpse unsubstantiated rumors that are out there.

But instead, you be a place that does things differently.

You instead use your right words to build up and encourage.

The right words spoken at the right time in the right way is great.

Second thing is the right time.

The right time.

There are certain words that may be the right words.

It's just not the right time.

Uh, John and Katie Shepherd, before they had their first child, Hayden, uh, who's a boy, they uh were struggling with some infertility.

And so they were prayerfully going through that process, and it was really exciting that they got pregnant and they were beginning that journey.

And so uh John was a brand new staff member, and I was asking him on a constant basis how things were going, every appointment that they had.

I mean, I was just really excited because I knew there's a little bit of anxiety that comes along with not only your first child, but particularly after a season of infertility.

And so he went to the doctor and he found out that he was going to be having a boy.

So he told me in his excitement that he was having a boy.

And man, I was excited for John.

Like I was so pumped for John and Katie.

I mean, this was awesome news.

And there's a problem if you're a public speaker in front of a lot of people, whenever you walk away from your notes, you can get yourself into trouble.

And that Sunday, right after John had told me this, I don't even know what the context was or what the situation was, but I, in my excitement for John and Katie, got up here in front of all of you and told you all that John and Katie were gonna be having a boy.

Here's the problem.

John and Katie were waiting to have a gender reveal party a few weeks after I told the church.

I didn't say the wrong thing, I just said it at the wrong time, right?

We can do that.

We can have a tendency to remiss the cues on the timing.

I didn't know that I'd made a mistake, but I clearly learned after that first service when John B lined up to me and is like, no, you're not supposed to say anything, right?

And and and I and I, of course, at that point you just have to do what you gotta do, right?

And so it's easy for us, though, to say the wrong to right thing in the wrong time.

Proverbs chapter 15, verse 23, to make an apt answer is a joy to a man, and a word in season, how good is it?

Proverbs 15:23

There's a right time, there's a wrong time.

Sometimes our greatest problem with communication isn't necessarily that what we're fighting over is inaccurate, it's that we're fighting over it or dealing with it at the wrong time.

Hillary and I, my wife, we've been married for 21 years, we've learned how to work through this, but we basically have two completely different body clocks, all right?

Uh basically, I wake up really, really, really early, like in the fours.

Hillary stays up really, really late, like in the ones, all right?

So it's just like we're totally different in every single way.

And so therefore, as a result of that, we we also have very different ideas of what bedtime looks like, okay?

I would love to go to bed 9, 9:30, like I'm like done.

I'm like, I don't want to have conversation, and I want to be able to go to bed.

She just started the night, right?

Like it's just getting going.

Like things are good.

Here we go.

And man, she's about to get a whole lot of things done.

And so we early on in the first year of our marriage, uh, we wanted to be faithful to the scriptures and we wanted to be true to what God's word said.

And we've both read the script the scripture in Ephesians chapter 4, verse 26, which says this, be angry and do not sin.

Ephesians 4:26

Do not let the sun go down on your anger.

We took that literally to where we basically thought, okay, well, we're not supposed to go to bed if we're mad at each other.

And so Hillary would wait until about 9, 9:30 to be laying in bed, and she would say, Hey, I want to talk to you about something.

And the whole time I'm there, I have not even heard what she said.

I'm furious that she brought anything up, right?

Because in my mind, I'm wanting to go to sleep.

I'm not wanting to have this conversation right now.

Whereas in her mind, it's totally normal.

She's of sound mind, she's a great spot.

She wants to be able to talk through this.

So I decided I'd flip it a little bit, and so therefore, I'd be waking her up early in the morning and we'd be talking about stuff.

Not a good option, okay?

Did not work out very well in our marriage.

We struggled, we did not get much sleep our very first year of marriage because guess what?

It wasn't so much that we were having these huge fights over huge issues, it's the fact that we were having small fights at the wrong time.

Our timing was off.

And when we begin to realize that we don't have to be legalistic, and the spirit of the verse is that we don't let stuff sit, but instead that we deal with stuff, we were able to talk through the fact that our different body clocks need to address things in a different way and allow us to work through things.

Let me tell you, there's a time to bring something up, and there's a time to let something go.

There's a time to talk, and there's a time to listen.

Ecclesiastes chapter three, the wisdom literature as well.

It says this in verse one for everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.

Verse four a time to weep and a time to laugh, a time to mourn and a time to dance.

A time to keep silence and a time to speak.

Believe it or not, it is not always appropriate to say what you are thinking.

Now, I'm wired in such a way where I'm a verbal processor, and so therefore I want to talk things out.

I also am an Enneagram 8, and so therefore I'm blunt.

I'm as honest as it possibly could be.

And so therefore, I kind of also don't avoid conflict.

Hillary, my wife, would say I seek conflict.

I don't know if that's true, but but I'm not afraid of it in any way.

And so therefore, as a result of that, it can be very easy and at times rather helpful by the fact that you don't have to wonder what I'm thinking because I will tell you what I'm thinking, right?

But there's a whole lot of times when just because I'm thinking it doesn't mean that I need to say it.

Here's a good rule.

Just because you think it doesn't mean you have to say it.

For some of you, you you think things and you're like, well, I gotta get it out.

And I would simply tell you, no, you don't.

There's another place for it, and it's not out of your mouth.

You can think it.

I get it.

I you don't need but but it doesn't mean just because it's there, you say it.

Let me tell you what Proverbs says.

Proverbs 17, verse 27 and 28.

Proverbs 17:27

Whoever restrains his words has knowledge, and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.

Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise.

When he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.

Proverbs chapter 10, verse 19 When words are many, transgression is not lacking, but whoever restrains his lips is prudent.

Proverbs 10:19

Proverbs 13, verse 3 Whoever guards his mouth preserves his life.

Proverbs 13:3

He who opens wide his lips come to ruin.

A lot of times we think that the mark of having true wisdom is being able to eloquently be able to say the right words in a way that is compelling and persuasive and winsome.

What I would tell you, what the Proverbs tell us over and over again that the mark of true wisdom is not in what you say.

Many times it's that you don't say anything at all.

You might think it, but you don't say it.

Here's when it comes to your speech, a key principle.

Less is usually more.

Less is more.

Which means this, when you're gathered around for Thanksgiving and you're together with all of the family, the extended family, maybe that you haven't seen in a while, it's not necessarily the time that you want to bring up the presidential election and all of your thoughts on that.

It's not the time that you want to drop, hey, what do you think about Israel and what do you think about the coverage and all this kind of stuff and begin to talk through all of these geopolitical issues and things like that.

It's not, it might be, and there might be settings when that is the case, but generally speaking, it's probably not the time to bring all those things up.

Let's talk through what you do whenever you're mad or whenever you're angry.

I can't tell you how many times I've sat down with a couple in my own office.

I can't tell you how many times I've done this myself.

Where I hear about the fight and the issue and the struggle and the things that they're walking through, and all along I'm listening and I'm just thinking, gosh, if you would have just slept on it, I promise you this would have been different.

Like instead of you just responding in the midst of your anger and your frustration and saying what you did, causing incredible damage, if you would have just pushed pause, taking a break.

If you still feel this strongly about it tomorrow, then you can address it.

It would have probably helped you tremendously.

Proverbs 29, verse 11 a fool gives full vent to his spirit, but a wise man quietly holds it back.

Proverbs 29:11

When we're angry and we're mad, we react and we fly off the handle, we respond with emotion, and it is not wise.

What I've discovered is this personally: if you come locked and loaded to an argument, you're usually gonna misfire.

But instead, if you hear the words of Scripture, which tells us that just because we're thinking it, doesn't necessarily mean that we need to say it, and your speech is slow and thought through, it becomes wise.

Proverbs chapter 29, verse 20.

Proverbs 29:20

Do you see a man who is hasty in his words?

There is more hope for a fool than for him.

So before you speak this week at Thanksgiving, before you send out that post online, before you share that information with your friend, before you confront that person who you are annoyed with, ask yourself this question.

Do I need to say this at all?

If the answer is yes, ask yourself this question.

Do I need to say this right now?

The right word, spoken in the right time, in the right way, has great power.

Final phrase is the right way.

This speaks not just to what you say and when you say it, but how you say it.

You can say the very same thing, but it comes across differently based upon how you say it.

For instance, you can say this, excuse me, sorry.

Or you can say, excuse me.

Those are very different things.

One is kind and gracious, I want to let you go by.

I'm so sorry I did this.

The other one is like, are you seriously gonna cross me like that?

It's a whole different thing.

How about this?

I'm so, I'm so sorry.

I am so, so sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, really?

It's just a whole like, really?

How about this?

If Hillary ever puts on some outfit or whatever and she says, How do I look?

And I say, it's fine.

It's fine, totally fine.

Or if I say, you look fine.

Those are two different outcomes, I'm telling you, right now, all right.

See, this is why it's so important.

Some of you students, you're sitting there saying, Well, I'm saying the right thing.

Here's the problem, you're just saying it the wrong way.

You see, one of the things we talk about with our kids, one of the things that I think is so important what God wants for us, is not just that we are have rote obedience where we just basically are like robots, he wants us to have a happy heart.

He wants us to do it in such a way where guess what, all the aspects of our lives are responding to him in such a way where I'm not just saying, yes, I'll do it, but instead I am saying yes, I will gladly walk into whatever you call me to do.

I put my yes on the table with joy and gladness.

Proverbs 16-24.

Gracious words are like a honeycomb, sweetness to the soul and health to the body.

I want you to think about the dessert that you're gonna have this week, or that dessert that you have that's your favorite thing, and how wonderful it is.

And maybe on Thanksgiving, you're just like, I don't care about all the diet, and I don't care about all the stuff.

Like, I'm just gonna gorge myself and enjoy this dessert.

And you, whatever that is for you, I want you to think about how satisfying and how great that experience is to eat a very good dessert that you love.

I want you to know that gracious words are like a honeycomb.

It's like that dessert that you eat, which is so satisfying.

Let me just tell you, whenever you tell someone at a boy, or you tell someone at a girl, or you tell someone that you're proud of them, or you tell someone that you appreciate them, or you tell someone that you honor them, or you speak words of life, I'm telling you, there's nothing better than that.

Our staff team, one of the things we almost always do when we get together for staff meetings together is we begin to share wins.

And it's so great just to be able to hear people to begin to share about what God is doing, either in their ministry area or something that they're getting to experience or something that they're gonna get to see.

And inevitably, our team does such a good job with this, where they they move from a place of celebrating what God is doing to where they then say, Yeah, but you know what?

You're awesome.

Like you're doing a great job right now.

Like your leadership in this area is just so amazing.

Or man, I just want to tell you, I saw you and the way that you interacted over here.

And I'm just telling you, our staff just begins to get so excited.

You want to know why?

Because there is life that comes whenever you use your speech to build others up.

Like you just think, man, this is the this is awesome that I get to be part of this team.

And you just begin to look for ways to speak life.

Listen to this verse in Proverbs, Proverbs chapter uh 20, 18, rather, verse 21.

Death and life are in the power of the tongue, and those who love it will eat its fruits.

Can I implore and beg you that United City Church, the people of United City Church, would be known as a people who speak life.

Like we speak joy.

We speak gracious words to each other.

Let it not be us be known for the folks who just basically speak death.

And folks, we all know what that's like.

You've been on the back end of a word that is spoken, that's not fitly spoken.

And it's not an apples of gold and a setting of silver.

Instead, it cuts to the bones.

Sticks and stones may bake my bones, but words will never hurt me, is the biggest lie in the world.

So instead, this week, as you head into Thanksgiving, even if you got an axe to grind with somebody, you speak life.

You allow your words to be delicious morsels of fruit that can be enjoyed.

Let's talk this through, though, because sometimes, if you're inevitably in relationship with people that you're close to, you're gonna have conflict.

So, how do you handle it whenever you do have to confront?

When you do have to go and say things that aren't always the best and most positive things.

The scripture guides us on this as well.

Proverbs chapter 25, verse 12, like a gold ring or an ornament of gold is a wise reprover to a listening ear.

Proverbs 25:12

What I found is that as I begin to think through all of the different arguments and the ways that I'm gonna respond and the ways that I'm gonna do things, and I begin to eloquently master how I'm going to confront, I almost always blow it.

You want to know why?

Because I never listened.

Instead, even whenever we're supposed to confront someone or we're supposed to address something, the Bible tells us that the gift that we can give is to be a listening ear, realizing they got stuff too.

There's stuff going on on the other side of the situation that we don't even know about.

And we want to be gracious and recognize that God may be working on them, and this may be the outgrowth of some negativity and some things.

And I want to be a place that gives life, not instead a place that just feeds the problem that's not actually the problem.

Proverbs chapter 15, verse 1: a soft answer turns away wrath, but a harsh word stirs up anger.

Proverbs 15 · chapter mention

What I've personally discovered is that yelling never works.

I don't like to be yelled at.

And yeah, I can yell and maybe get people to respond in a certain way quicker than I want to, but they don't respect me.

They don't honor me.

And what God desires is that even in our conflict, we do it honorably in humility.

Proverbs 11, verse 2: when pride comes, then comes disgrace.

But with the humble is wisdom.

So this week and every day, don't come in with pride.

Instead, approach each conversation and each interaction with humility and the fear of the Lord, having wisdom.

The right words spoken at the right time, in the right way, has great power.

Would you bow your heads and would you close your eyes all across not only this room?

But if you're watching me online as well.

To pray, to seek the Lord.

What conversations does the Holy Spirit of God prompting you to have?

Is it a text message that needs to be received, to check, or sent rather, to check on somebody?

I've found that God has an amazing way of prompting me, bringing somebody to mind, just sending a simple text, how you doing, to be the very thing that they needed in that exact moment.

Is the spirit prompting you to maybe sit down with someone and confess something?

Is the spirit leading and guiding you to perhaps be honest and open with somebody?

Spouse, relationship, child, parent, friend?

I would just simply ask you in these moments as you begin to seek the Lord and ask for his leading in your life, that you would commit even right now to do whatever he leads you to do.

Let me ask this question to prompt you.

What conversations were you planning on having that you don't need to have?

You need to let it go.

You need to walk away.

You being slighted isn't the greatest offense that's ever taken place in the history of the world.

And perhaps something that you have taken on as an identity and as a personal vendetta needs to be forgiven and let go.

What conversations do you need to have to walk through in prayer?

And make sure, Lord, am I in the right place right now?

Do I have the right posture to be able to have this conversation?

I can assure you of this, walking in the fear of the Lord in the right time, in the right way, will be so much more effective than whatever speech you have prepared to give.

I'm telling you, I know this in my own life and in my own marriage, and working with couples for years, that so often we have tried to use better words, better arguments, better critiques as a means to be able to change someone and change behavior.

And it wasn't until they begin to give themselves in humble submission before the Lord, saying, God, I am giving them over to you.

I want to ask, Lord, that you would convict me of anything that I may be doing along the way that is adding or contributing to this situation.

But Lord, I give them to you.

And literally, what God begins to do is He begins to bring about change in their life that no lecture you ever gave could accomplish.

That's the beauty of our God.

So for some of you, what you need to do is you don't need to master your words.

You need instead need to master your posture.

Instead, humble submission and humility.

Go before the Lord, hear from Him, and respond.

Isaiah chapter 30, verse 21 says, You will hear a word behind you saying, This is the way, walk in it when you turn to the right or to the left.

Isaiah 30:21

As God prompts you and tells you what to do, it's key that you commit and that you do it.

Some of you are here, and the words that you need to say are the greatest words that you could ever speak.

And that is found in Romans chapter 10, verses 9 and 10.

Romans 10:9

It says, Because if you confess with your mouth that Jesus is Lord and believe in your heart that God raised him from the dead, you will be saved.

For with the heart one believes and is justified, and with the mouth one confesses and is saved.

I want to invite you today.

If you've never given your life to Jesus, you've never entered into a relationship with him, that today be the day when you speak the most important words you will ever say from your mouth, and that is Jesus, your Lord.

I invite you into my life to be my Lord and to be my savior.

If today you want to invite Jesus to come into your life, I want to ask you in just a moment when we all stand up that you come forward and that you find one of our team members at the front or on the sides and you tell them that you want to know Jesus.

You want to confess them as your Lord and as your savior.

Others of you need to come and join United City Church.

Come let this be your place for you.

Believe and you belong.

It becomes your place of home.

If that's you today, would you lead the way?

Maybe others need to go and be baptized.

Man, I'm telling you, there was it was unreal what just took place upstairs.

It was so amazing to be able to see five seventh-grade girls who all say, I'm gonna get baptized together, and we want to help reach our school for Christ.

I'm telling you, there is something powerful when you go public with your faith to the testimony of baptism.

It doesn't save you, but I'm telling you what, it certainly does allow you the opportunity to get in a habit, not only with your body and your life, but with your mouth declare, Jesus is Lord.

We want to come alongside of you.

We recognize that you may be walking through some challenges and some difficulties, and we want to walk and speak the word of God over you in these moments.

Father, I pray you'd move in these time we have left together.

God, you would call people to make the most important decision they'll ever make.

That is to respond to the prompting of the Holy Spirit in their lives today.

In the name of Jesus, I pray.

Amen.

What an incredible message.

If you've made the decision to follow Jesus today, it's the greatest decision that you'll ever make.

And we would love to know about it.

Text the word UC Next to 55498.

And someone from our team will be reaching out to you who want to pray with you and help you on your journey with Jesus.

Well, that's it for today.

We look forward to seeing you next week, either in person or online at 9 30 or 11 o'clock.

Have a great week.