Questions In the Dark

Welcome to the Awakening Courage Podcast.

We pray this message encourages you and provides the hope and the light of Jesus Christ.

Thanks for tuning in.

Well, good morning, Awakening.

Great to be with you.

You congrat your speed.

My name is Ryan.

We're thrilled that you join us today.

Hey, before we dive in uh to the next message, I want to take a moment.

I have my buddy Christian up here.

Thanks for joining me today.

We just want to do a little deeper dive into Healing Path.

What is it?

It's something that we launched a year ago in our community.

You were part of that first uh group.

What is Healing Path?

Would you just explain what that is?

Good morning, everybody.

Um Healing Path is a uh a study that we do at Awakening, um, and we partner with a nonprofit, and it's a Bible-based spirit-led group where we bring people into community and equip them with the tools as well as the education to kind of work on some harder things that they may have like dealt with growing up.

Um not really like big T trauma things, but small T trauma of think hardships and relationships or parent relationships or sibling relationships or relationships with yourself.

And we really give people a safe um a safe space to kind of process that, to really process the grief, sorrow, or loss that you guys may have experienced.

Um, lots of people kind of go through life not having a space to kind of work through or talk through some of those things, and Healing Path is the perfect opportunity to meet other people who may be experiencing the same things and build community and have a place to talk about those things.

That's great.

Sounds powerful.

Now you've experienced it, been impacted by it.

Like what personally uh was the impact on your life?

Yeah, so I joined uh the Healing Path group uh last year when the Awakening started this program, and um it's really big for me.

I was going through a hard time with my parents.

I was put in the middle of their relationship as the eldest son, and you know, had to learn how to have a better relationship with my with my parents after that, as well as you know, the pain that I caused for them, as well as the pain they caused for me, and just learning the language and how to deal with the emotions that I had felt, as well as like learning how to rebuild those relationships in a way that was healthy, and a way that I knew I was honoring God and like my myself, you know, and I think I just learned a lot about the things that they had done as parents to me growing up too, and you know, a lot of that plays into the relationships.

And Healing Path has a lot of really great topics, some of them called the mother wound and the father wound, and like those things are addressed in the program and learning how to learning the things behind those things, learning the things that maybe your parents weren't aware of when they were parenting you when you were kids, and so um a lot of that kind of stuff is what we talk about, and um it's an eight-week course study that that we're doing this semester, and uh it's a really good opportunity.

You have some food, get to know some of the people in the community, and you break off into men and women groups, um, so then you can do that.

And the impact for me has just been you know a lot of healing in my relationships with my parents, as well as just you know talking through things I I may have been insecure or struggled with.

Sure.

Um exactly, exactly.

Developing more of that like emotional literacy.

Yeah.

That's so good.

So healing path is for everyone.

Last time around we ran out of space, we ran out of room, had a waiting list.

How does somebody join this time around?

Yeah, so you can go to the you can go to the uh groups page on the website, on the awakening website, and there's a studies button.

You can go to that and find the healing path through there.

So we have limited spots available.

We are starting in the next couple of weeks.

So um, we'd love for you if you guys have any questions.

I'm gonna be hanging out the white tent after.

Um, if anybody's interested or has questions, feel free to come up to me.

I'm always able to answer questions for you guys.

So and do that.

Christian's like one of the most friendly, like approachable guys that I know.

Come say hi to him.

And can we thank him?

This is a big it's hard to get up, but thanks so much.

Appreciate you.

Let me pray for us and we'll dive in.

Ah, Jesus, thank you for today.

Thank you for your grace.

Thanks for this moment.

And so we said to our souls, we take a moment.

Help us be attentive to what you want to do, what you want to speak, how you want to work in our lives, happy.

May we hear from you and respond to you in Jesus' name.

Amen.

Uh today we're kicking off a series called Messy Spirituality.

Would you say that with me?

Messy.

Life's messy, isn't it?

Oh boy.

It's confusing, it's hard, it's uncertain, filled with questions and doubts.

And in the midst of it all, isn't there just an incredible pressure to have it all figured out?

Life perfectly planned?

Always be moving forward, never look like you're lost or have it, don't have it together.

I mean, who do you want to be?

Where do you, where are you going?

Who are you becoming?

And why in the world do you still feel so far behind?

Beneath it all, the truth is many of us we just kind of feel like a mess, don't we?

We carry a profound spiritual longing, a soul craving for meaning, belonging, purpose, wholeness, to be fully known, to be fully loved.

What if?

What if you don't have to have it all figured out?

And what if the mess that you're hiding is actually the very place God wants it to meet?

Messy spirituality.

What if messy spirituality isn't a problem to fix, but actually the only kind of spirituality that works?

The sermon title today is called Questions in the Dark.

Would you say that with me?

Questions often surface in the dark before they ever make it in the light, don't they?

It's in the quiet hours, the lonely spaces, the moments when the noise down, dies down.

It's when the questions bubble up.

The worries, the doubts, the hurts, the longings.

And it's in those questions, those moments, that God wants to meet us.

Which actually brings us to John chapter 3 and one person's midnight encounter with God.

John 3 · chapter mention

If you got your Bibles, would you open them up to John 3?

If not, it's in your notes.

It's on the slides behind me.

John 3, 1 begins this way.

Now there was a Pharisee, a man named Nicodemus, who was a member of the Jewish ruling council.

He came to Jesus at night.

If you're taking notes or something, you can even circle that word night.

That's important for our conversation.

And he said, Rabbi, we know that you are a teacher who has come from God, for no one could perform the signs you're doing if God were not with them.

Jesus replied, Very truly I tell you, no one can see the kingdom of God unless they're born again.

Nicodemus, he's like, How can someone be born when they're old?

Surely they cannot enter a second time into their mother's womb to be born.

And then Jesus says, Very true I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of God unless they're born of water and the spirit.

Flesh gives birth to flesh, but the spirit gives birth to the spirit.

I mean, how do you embrace a spirituality that actually makes a difference in your life?

How do you embrace a spirituality that isn't just a Sunday thing or just a good wishes thing, but actually changes things?

Today I want to give you three confessions of messy spirituality.

Three confessions for us of where God wants to meet us.

The first confession is simply this.

Confession number one.

You ready for this?

I am a mess.

Would you say that with me?

I am a mess.

Turn to your neighbor and say, you are a mess.

No, I'm kidding.

Don't do that.

Don't do that.

Some of you are so excited.

You're like, I give a second.

Are you kidding me?

No.

Okay.

I am a mess.

This is the beginning.

This is the foundation.

This is the starting point of all true spirituality.

I'm a mess.

Now, when we get to Nicodemus, he doesn't strike us as a mess, does he?

In fact, it says Nicodemus, who is a member of the Jewish ruling council, he came to Jesus at night.

In fact, Nicodemus seems like he's the picture of success, not a mess.

When we think of a mess, maybe we think of a character we find one chapter later, John chapter 4, is the Samaritan woman who had a complicated story, a trail of relationships and a reputation she can't escape.

John 4 · chapter mention

But Nicodemus.

The reason I like Nicodemus is because he's so mere Silicon Valley.

In fact, if we were to modernize him, we would say he's the picture of Silicon Valley success.

He's wealthy, financially free, independent.

He's influential, he's a leader, a decision maker, his voice matters.

He's highly educated, a teacher of Israel.

He's morally disciplined, he's upright, respectable.

People look to him.

Yet he comes to Jesus at night.

Why?

You know, in John's gospel, night isn't just a time of day.

He uses and weaves it through the entire gospel from night to light as a spiritual condition that Jesus is the light of the world.

And so he comes at night as searching this idea of emptiness, of brokenness, of messiness.

Nicodemus comes at night because he has questions he can't ask publicly, doubts he can't voice aloud, longings he can't explain, and a reputation he feels he has to protect.

I wonder how many of us feel like Nicodemus.

Maybe not the whole like Silicon Valley Valley success story, but questions, yeah.

Longings, emptiness, brokenness that you're afraid to ever admit.

Because if you did, what would people think?

See, no amount of success can eliminate the questions in the dark, by the way.

There's an inner longing that status success, even religion cannot feel.

I like how Anne Lamotte said it.

She said, everyone is screwed up, broken, clingy, and scared.

Even people who seem to have it more or less together, they are much more like you than you would believe.

So stop comparing your insides to their outsides.

Confession number one.

I'm a mess.

But here's the reality, here's the problem, here's what we do with that.

We all try to cover up our imperfections, don't we?

Rather than just what we had was this beautiful confession.

It's maybe the first time you've ever said it out loud, because we've tried to present a picture perfect reality to everyone else.

We cover up our mess, we cover up our brokenness, we hide it, we push it down because we're afraid if anyone ever really saw the real me, they wouldn't like me, they wouldn't accept me.

That somehow the real true you is unlovable, unworthy, unlikable.

I am a mess.

Confession number two.

And I can't unmess myself.

And I know I made up the word unmess, okay?

Some of you are like, unmess, is that a word?

No, it's not.

I made it up, but I can do that.

I guess, I think, I did it.

I can't unmess myself.

There's nothing I can do to change the messiness about me.

And in fact, Jesus leans into this conversation.

He says, No one can see the kingdom of God unless they're born again.

Now, the kingdom of God is the natural home of the soul.

You're designed to be at home in the presence of God, not striving, achieving, or hiding, but perfectly, fully loved and accepted, not because of anything you do or can do, simply because of who you are, that you're his.

He says, no one can see the kingdom of God unless something happens that you had no part, like you didn't do yourself, like your physical birth, what did you do?

You're dead.

Your mom did a lot, you didn't do a whole lot.

He says, unless they're born again, something, something to that nature of new life that has to break forth in a radical new way.

And then Nicodemus asked the question that we all ask.

How can someone be born when they're old?

And he's asking this question that we all ask in the dark, is it too late for me?

Am I beyond hope?

What if I've messed my life up so badly?

What are the things done to me or the things I've done are just damaged?

Notice that Jesus doesn't say try harder.

Do better.

Stop sucking.

Those are the words we tell ourselves.

See, when confronted with the reality, I'm a mess, what we try to do is we work our hardest to unmess ourselves.

Psychologist and theologian Gerald May says this the gentlest form of spiritual narcissism is the idea that one can accomplish one's own spiritual growth.

I can do it.

Messy spirituality, friends.

This is for every single person in this room.

Begins with this confession.

Confession just means to agree with reality.

That's all it means.

I confess, I agree with what's true or reality.

I am a mess.

I walked into this room as your pastor, a mess.

And in and of myself, I can't unmess it.

Period.

Here's the reason why.

We've all done things that we can't undo.

We've all said things, we've all done things.

We all look back on areas where we wish we could have a redo, a change, an edit.

Push the delete button.

The problem is no amount of good can undo what's been done.

Now, the story that comes to my mind that so explains this or helps me understand this is one I've shared before.

So if you heard it before, um you're welcome.

You get around two of it.

There you go.

Um, my son, when he was about four or five, probably four, my wife's dropping off our two kids at school.

She's in the parking lot, talking after dropping the kids off uh with some friends.

And my son, he he's in the parking lot.

And by the way, this this boy, he just came out strong.

Like he came out with pecs, you know.

He came out, I mean, no lie.

Like his, you know, newborn baby, you gotta hold their head, it kind of flops around.

Like day one, he like lifted his head.

He's like, I got it.

You know, like, oh, okay, no problem.

Got it.

Um, that that was him.

And so he picked up this big rock while my wife's talking, and he hopped it as high as he could into the sky.

I remember asking him, like, hey man, what what what were you what were you thinking?

And he's like, I was trying to hit the moon.

Well, you missed, and it landed with a thud right onto the hood of a brand new Audi.

Yeah, oh no.

My wife is the most amazing integral human.

She left a note.

I sure hope I would do that.

She left a note and put my number on it.

Um, the guy calls me a little bit later.

Um, and I mean, he was so nice about it, guys.

So he was like apologizing to me.

He's like, I'm so sorry, Ryan.

If it was my other car, it's all dented up, it'd just be one among it.

It would fit in.

The dent would fit in with the other car.

I bought that car last week.

Oh I'm sorry.

Send me the bill.

And he did$722.46.

$722.46 for a dent in the Audi.

Now, my four-year-old did not have$722.46.

That jerk.

Now just imagine.

Imagine.

He goes to me, Dad.

Dad, I feel awful about the Audi.

Yep, that's fantastic.

I'm glad.

Okay.

I'm gonna clean my room every day for the next month.

That's amazing.

That would be fantastic.

That's great.

The problem is, no amount of cleaning your room will pay for the Audi.

It doesn't give me$722.46.

Well, Dad, I'm gonna clean the car.

That would be fantastic.

And that's a great thing, that's a good thing, that's awesome.

The problem is, is I still need$722.46.

Why?

Because at four years of age, he could do something that he was not able to undo.

He had did not have the ability to make or to pay$722.46.

So what did he need?

He needed a mom or a dad to whip out their checkbook.

We don't even have checkbooks anymore.

Like half of you are like, what is a checkbook?

Right in the middle of this story.

Okay, get on with it, Ryan.

To pay for the Audi.

Romans 5 would say it this way.

You see, at just the right time, when we were powerless.

You see, at just the right time when we were a mess and we couldn't unmess ourselves.

When we had done things that we can't undo, and it doesn't mean the things that we're doing now aren't good.

They certainly are.

That's wonderful and it's amazing.

Keep doing it.

It just doesn't pay for what's been done.

See, at the right time when we're powerless, Christ died for the ungodly, for the messy, for the broken, for the hurting, for those that are honest to say, I need help.

Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous person, though for a good person someone might possibly dare to die.

But God demonstrates his love for you, his disposition towards you, his care for you.

He reveals it in this way that Christ died for you.

Messy spirituality is just simply this.

I'm a mess.

I can't unmess myself.

Only Jesus can.

You know, and A, they talk about I need a power greater than myself.

It's it's I need someone, something outside myself to fix it because I can't do it in and of myself.

Only Jesus can.

He says, Very true, I tell you, no one can enter the kingdom of.

Of God.

Unless they're born of water and of spirit.

Flesh gives birth to flesh.

We're living, be breathing.

But spirit gives birth to spirit.

Just as you're physically born, you need a spiritual birth.

And here's the reason why.

We cannot solve a spiritual problem with a physical solution.

We keep trying.

If only I was more successful, more attractive, had more money, had more discipline, had more control.

If only I were more, then I could unmess myself.

I'm a mess.

Only Jesus can.

For God so loved the world.

That God's disposition and heart towards you is not one of anger, one of apathy, but one of love.

That he gave his one and only Son, that He would do whatever it takes for you to bring you home that you might experience life.

And whoever believes, it's that confession.

Whoever gets to the point where we finally go, I'm stop going to trust myself.

I'm gonna stop gonna try to just, you know, fake it till I make it.

I finally go, God, I need help.

Shall not perish, but have eternal life.

That's life now and forevermore, true life, that wholeness, that that peace, that purpose, that belonging that we are searching for.

My mess.

Your mess.

Isn't too big for Jesus' Christ.

What what what what mess did you walk in with?

What's the things that you push down, that you hide, that you keep you awake at night?

So you stay busy.

Your mess and my mess is not too big, too great for Jesus.

Jesus didn't come for the put together, the polished, or those who have it all figured out.

He came for messy people like me.

Jesus loves messy people, he forgives messy people, he saves messy people.

He came for the weary, the wounded, the doubting, the broken.

He came for people with questions in the dark.

The good news is your mess isn't a barrier to God's grace.

The shame that we carry, and that's the reason we stay in hiding, isn't a barrier to God's grace.

Your past.

It isn't a barrier to God's grace.

The only thing that keeps us from his grace is pretending we don't need it.

Jesus doesn't wait for us to fix up our lives or have it all together.

He meets us in the dark while we were still powerless.

Still messy.

We still have questions.

Questions we didn't think we could ask out loud.

He meets us right there.

This is messy spirituality.

This is what your heart is longing for.

Let me ask you, would you bring your whole self to Jesus today?

I think there's so many of us.

We have parts of ourselves that we keep, like this compartment we hide.

We don't want anybody to see, and we try to ignore it in this moment where Jesus is like, I see it all anyways.

I love you all.

I want you to bring that out so I can bring healing.

The invitation is not to clean yourself up, but embrace a new confession for life.

I'm a mess.

Welcome to the club.

I can't amess myself.

Only Jesus can.

I think for Sim today is the moment where you, for the first time, have heard that Jesus loves you, came for you, died for you, that that you can experience life and awakening a spiritual new birth.

And I want to invite you to respond to that.

In fact, if you wouldn't mind, just pray with me.

And a prayer is just a conversation with God.

If you're in this place of, gosh, I need that wholeness.

I'm tired of trying to do better and fix myself.

I'm ready.

I invite Jesus.

Would you just pray after me?

Jesus, I'm a mess.

I can't unmess myself.

I'm tired of trying harder.

I'm tired of hiding.

So right now, in this moment, I invite you into the middle of my life, into the middle of my mess.

I long for the brand new life you offer to be born again, like spiritual new life.

I believe you love me.

You came for me.

You gave your life for me.

You rose again to give me new life.

And right now, even though I don't understand it all, I put my trust in you.

Would you be the leader and the rescuer of my life?

If we can just stay in prayer and keep your eyes closed and heads bowed.

If you prayed that prayer with me, I just would love to know and be able to pray for you if you wouldn't mind just raising your hand.

Just raise it up high.

Amen.

Amen.

Scripture says that when we confess with our mouth and believe with our heart that Jesus is Lord, you are saved.

You step into new life.

You are born again, and the Spirit of God comes to fill you with new life.

God thank you for the new life that's erupting in this room.

And thank you for those that you know have walked with you and have wandered, but have fallen into the trap of trying harder, and today they have returned to you or have been hiding parts that have come fully out with you.

Thank you that you are the God of life.

Thank you for Jesus.

We hope you are blessed by this message.

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